Empathetic anger: the emotion felt in response to another person being hurt by someone or something else
Have you ever been told “don’t be so emotional?” at work?
I remember a specific moment in an office I worked in over ten years ago. A male boss was speaking to a female co-worker about something he was unhappy with in her performance, and while conveying his feedback, he told her not to be so emotional.
As he spoke in the fishbowl office, I watched from my cubicle while he paced back and forth, his hands waving emphatically through the air, his face and head getting redder and redder, his voice elevating until it carried right through the glass walls to where our team sat. My co-worker remained relatively calm in a chair in front of him.
When she finally came out with tears held back in her eyes, I considered the irony of what I’d just witnessed – how selective emotions that were more masculine-identified were permissible and somehow not too emotional?
And I wondered too, were the tears that stung in her eyes also anger, albeit withheld?
When Caught in Anger
All emotions are guides and most dangerous if denied, but the way we manage them and channel their outward expression matters. Today children – and girls particularly – are being encouraged to be in more in touch with anger, rather than repress it.
“It is natural and normal to feel anger,” iterates Audrey Nelson, Ph.D., in Psychology Today. “If you never get angry, it means you have no boundaries or you will not acknowledge them.”
When in the moment of anger, it’s important to realize what’s at play.
Research shows that anger impairs your ability to step back and see any matter from multiple perspectives, which can lead to conflict spirals. This holds true even when the residual anger is unrelated to the situation you are presently dealing with.
“What we’re finding is that when people feel angry, they’re collapsing in on themselves,” says Wharton professor Maurice Schweitzer about the studies. “They become far more egocentric.”
The researchers share that any emotion that results in high arousal – including happiness – means a diminished ability for perspective-taking, which requires greater cognitive energy. It’s important that when caught in anger to realize you are more likely to hold an egocentric perspective in this moment.
When Leaders Display Anger
Research has shown that displaying anger in the office has the potential to go several ways when it comes to leadership perception.
Leaders who are perceived to exhibit anger as a personality trait, as opposed to selectively and motivationally, are often seen as less effective. Especially when a leader’s anger is deemed inappropriate, it decreases employee motivation towards voluntary tasks.
Displaying anger has been associated with perceived power more than displaying sadness, however some research shows that showing sadness can actually create more positive outcomes for leaders.
Whereas showing anger is associated with “position (ie. legitimate, reward and coercive) power,” which does indeed have benefits in perceived leader effectiveness and follower loyalty, showing sadness is more associated with greater “personal (ie. referent) power”.
This means that leaders displaying anger are seen to have more coercive power, being solid in their position in the organization and the punishments and rewards they wield, but are less appealing on a personal level than leaders who display sadness. That can have some backfire effects on leadership leverage.
Another study shows that when a leader displays anger in response to a matter of integrity, this increases the perception of his or her leader effectiveness. However, when a leader displays anger in response to a matter of competency, this reduces perception of his or her leader effectiveness.
Also, it’s all in the eye of the beholder’s own feelings. Research that measured performance found that followers who were not very agreeable responded positively to a leader’s exhibition of anger, whereas followers who were highly agreeable responded poorly to the exhibition of anger by a leader.
When Women Exhibit Anger
Due to the glaring gender gap, the research on leadership perception and anger is skewed towards displays of anger by male leaders. Not surprisingly, anger is perceived differently if displayed by a woman than a man, though it’s entirely untrue that men experience anger more often than women.
What research has found is that while men experience decreased effectiveness when they cannot display anger, women are able to hold in the anger, and may even feel bad about experiencing it, but will still be able to act upon their feelings when the situation calls for it.
Beyond feeling it’s counterproductive, women leaders have a social reason to hold back on overt anger expression.
“Women incur social and economic penalties for expressing stereotypical ‘masculine’ emotions because they threaten society’s patriarchal barriers against the ‘dominance of women’,” writes Quintin Fottrell, summing up the researcher’s findings.
When women clearly exhibit the agentic (often masculine-identified) qualities that both sexes associate as primary to effective leadership, they fall into a double bind where they are seen as less communal than expected from a woman, and judged harshly.
Unless women exhibit both agentic and communal qualities simultaneously, women leaders can experience backlash.
Research on group deliberation found that men’s social influence increased when their opinion included an expression of anger, whereas women’s social influence diminished when they expressed the exact same opinion with anger.
Whereas participants confidence in their own position diminished when a man was expressing his position with anger (observers were more likely to question their own stance around an angry man), it solidified more when a woman expressed her position with anger.
The researchers found that “Participants regarded an angry woman as more emotional, which made them more confident in their own opinion.” While anger added to credibility for men, and increased their authority, it led to dismissal for women.
Women, unlike men, are also likely to be perceived in a poorer light by both men and women if they express anger about situations that have personally caused them harm rather than share with emotional neutrality. Women’s anger was attributed to her personality in this case, whereas men’s anger is perceived to be motivated by external circumstances.
It’s Different When Women Exhibit ‘Empathetic’ Anger
Not all anger is the same. Sometimes it helps to have anger attributed directly to personality, when it comes to advocating for or defending others.
A recent set of studies revealed that when women display genuine empathetic anger – “anger that is caused by witnessing or learning of harm done to another person” – they are positively perceived as signaling both agentic and communal leadership traits.
Women were significantly more likely to benefit from displays of empathetic anger than men, including being seen as more effective in their position. The reason is that observer’s more strongly attributed the empathetic anger in women leaders to their personalities, which reflected positively upon the leader’s character.
The researchers encourage women to be very forthcoming in displaying their empathetic anger, because it allows women to be witnessed positively as agentic while increasing their communal perception too. Empathetic anger is associated with prosocial behavior.
It’s frustrating to have women’s expression of anger under greater scrutiny by everyone, women included. It’s also good to know that when anger has a more collective feel, it works for reinforcing women’s leadership, as the injustices one women faces are rarely faced entirely alone.
When it comes to empathy, it’s one place women are rewarded for getting “too emotional.”
Authors Bio: Aimee Hansen is a freelance writer, frequent contributor to theglasshammer and Creator and Facilitator of Storyteller Within Retreats, Lonely Planet recommended women’s circle retreats focused on self-exploration and connecting with your inner truth and sacred expression through writing, yoga, meditation, movement and ceremonies.
By Aimee Hansen
Where the “Pink Collar” Has Been Flipped Up in Today’s Workforce
Guest ContributionThe term likely came about in the aftermath of World War II. As many as 5 million women entered the workforce between 1940 and 1945 to fill the roles left behind by men. When men came back from the war, women were largely relegated to teaching, service, and clerical roles. The term really took hold in the late 1970s when Louise Kapp Howe, an author who focused on social issues, published her book Pink Collar Workers, which explored the lives of nurses, secretaries, and teachers — industries dominated by women at the time.
There have been some momentous shifts — and other not-so-progressive shifts — in pink collar jobs since World War II. For example, based on U.S. Census data, the top six jobs with the highest percentages of women (90% or more) in 1940 included nurses, midwives, telephone operators, secretaries/stenographers, domestic service workers, and boarding housekeepers.
As you can imagine, the jobs in those top six spots today have changed dramatically. They’re much more focused on health and child care. Based on data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, they include pre-k and kindergarten teachers, dental hygienists, speech-language pathologists, dental assistants, childcare workers, and medical records technicians.
What’s particularly interesting is looking at which jobs have seen the biggest increases and decreases in the percentage of women between 1940 and 2019.
For example, jobs that have become “less” pink collar in the eight decades since World War II include tobacco manufacturers, textile manufacturers, janitors, musicians, and nurses. One of the most popular examples of fading pink collar norms lies in the nursing industry.
If you were to travel back in time to 1940, you would see that 98% of nurses were female (based on U.S. Census data). Today, that percentage has fallen to 89%. That 11-point drop might not seem like a big deal, but it is. Here’s why. Though women still dominate this traditionally pink collar field, more men continue to enter.
Experts attribute this trend to a number of factors. For one thing, there’s an incredible demand for health professionals, and there simply aren’t enough women to fill the demand. On the other hand, nursing schools have begun to rise above the gender stereotypes (that nursing has to be seen as a “woman’s job”), targeting men in their recruiting efforts and contributing to the de-stigmatization of the job.
Many jobs have also become “more” pink collar since 1940. One particularly strong example is the real estate industry. In 1940, 10% of women were real estate agents, according to the U.S. Census Data. Today, that percentage has ballooned to 59%.
There have also been significant increases in the percentage of women in highly technical fields, like law (3% in 1940 vs. 33% in 2019) and medicine (5% in 1940 vs. 41% in 2019), and service fields, like housekeeping (78% in 1940 vs. 89% in 2019) and restaurant hospitality (56% in 1940 vs. 71% in 2019).
Meanwhile, the data show that there have been only slight shifts between 1940 and 2019 in the percentage of women working as teachers and secretaries — and in private households.
It’s interesting to study these so-called pink collar jobs over time because the lines between pink collar and non-pink collar are rapidly blurring. Take a look at these Bureau of Labor Statistics projections for the fastest growing and declining industries in the U.S. through 2028.
The top four fastest growing industries (home healthcare services, outpatient care centers, individual and family services, and offices of health practitioners) are dominated by women. Meanwhile three of the four most rapidly declining industries (tobacco manufacturing, federal electric utilities, and communications equipment assembly) are dominated by men.
It only makes sense that, as so-called blue collar jobs decline due to factors like globalization, technology, and the shrinking of unions, more men will take on pink collar jobs, and more women will work in roles that society has traditionally seen as male.
As gender stereotypes and bias in the workplace dissipate, it’s important for companies to attract women by using gender-neutral language in their recruiting efforts. They should also promote pay transparency and offer work flexibility for both male and female workers.
Check out the full analysis of trends in pink collar jobs and accompanying data visualizations.
Author: Meredith Wood
Bio: Meredith Wood is a vice president at Fundera. She is frequently sought out for her expertise in small business lending and frequently contributes to SBA, SCORE, Yahoo, Amex OPEN Forum, Fox Business, American Banker, Small Business Trends, MyCorporation, Small Biz Daily, and StartupNation.
Andrea Mygrant; Managing Director, Major Accounts; FIS Global
Voices of Experience“I saw that it was vital early in my career to make sure I had a great mentor who guided me to prioritize meeting everyone I could—both within my firm and externally with clients—and then to keep in touch.” As she notes, it’s a small community and industry, and she has frequently seen people who have circled back into her life. “They have helped me build new relationships and boosted my progression,” she notes, adding that not everyone realizes how important it is to focus on building that strong network early on to help open doors throughout your career.
Client Service at the Core
Although Mygrant was pursuing a pre-vet track in college, she changed directions after an internship at financial services firm Brown Brothers Harriman which was her first time working in fintech and with clients.
Working at a global custodian firm like that provided an important perspective on how the entire industry worked, thus kicking off her new career path. Ever since, she’s been focused on client relationships, up to her current role where she builds those relationships at an executive level.
With an insatiable curiosity, Mygrant has always looked forward to the next big thing as there’s always something innovative happening in this space. Just recently she helped a large client she’s partnered with over the past two years successfully launch a complex, integrated solution.
“It had very high visibility in the organization.They were looking for a solution of different products to link together using tools that hadn’t been deployed in conjunction before,” Mygrant explains. “We were able to jointly put together the pieces, thus fulfilling a complicated deal with a lot of moving parts and unknowns.” They achieved a successful go live in January 2020. “I’m really proud that we were able to build something brand new that was important for them to be successful, resulting in such a satisfied client.”
In an industry that’s always changing, she’s currently observing the new “blurry lines” separating pure technology firms that are veering into territory occupied by financial institutions. “I’m watching big companies like Amazon or Google and seeing what they will do going forward. It’s vital to be quick to market, and they have the resources to do that.”
Giving Women the Support to Be Successful
As a new mom, Mygrant has been particularly focused on new challenges she’s encountered by being a working mom in the finance industry. Of course, she realizes that many things have improved over the past decade, from extended maternity or paternity leave to funding for IVF to the ability to ship milk when you travel. But here are still disparities—such as the fact that there might be a space set aside to pump, but it’s not always comfortable or convenient. And while some states are improving laws and implementing steps forward, she believes that it’s up to senior women in the workforce to help get the message heard throughout organizations. “Having key programs and options in place makes people want to come back,” she notes. “Support your employees and they’ll be loyal.”
Another way Mygrant sees that companies should support their employees is through robust mentorship programs. “I can’t emphasize enough how much my mentors molded and shaped me in the right way early in my career.” She now pays it forward to other women in her organization but is well aware that in a cost-cutting environment, formal programs may become downscaled or vanish. And that’s a shame she says, since helping guide young professionals is a huge win for companies.
Her advice to newer talent is to never be afraid to ask for what they need or to take chances. “The worst that can happen is that someone says no.” You will never feel 100% confident about something new and so you have to go for it.”
Baking as Relaxation
While free time is at a premium with a young child, Mygrant is still able to indulge in one of her biggest passions—baking. She is a member of a cookbook club and a baking club, and every year around the holidays, which also coincides with her birthday, she takes two days off and bakes upwards of 30 items for a huge holiday party and as gifts for friends. “Baking is a fantastic way to relieve stress and remove yourself from a job that today is a 24-hour endeavor, given all the ways we are connected. It’s a huge relief to do something I enjoy, and at the same time, it allows me to give back to my friends.”
Kacy J. Gambles, SVP Regional Manager of Investment and Fiduciary Services for the East Bay and San Jose California Regions, Wells Fargo Private Bank
Voices of ExperienceKacy always had an interest in two things: people and numbers. When she thought about career choices she wanted to marry these two interests together. The discussion of finances was not exactly dinner table conversation, however through the perseverance and ‘scrappiness’ of her mother, Kacy was exposed to different job functions within the financial industry. Ultimately she was led to wealth management when she stumbled upon an advertisement to study for the CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNERTM designation.
Kacy started her career at PNC Bank in Pittsburgh, PA in 2003 and held a number of positions in the company’s wealth management division, from an associate trust advisor & portfolio manager to a product manager covering the separately managed accounts and alternative investments platforms. Ultimately, she knew she enjoyed the client-facing side of the business and made the decision to obtain her MBA at The Tuck School of Business, Dartmouth College. In 2009 while finishing her MBA at Tuck, and attending the National Black MBA Association (NBMBAA) annual conference, she crossed paths with one of Wells Fargo’s senior leaders who invited her to join his California based team in the Private Bank in an investment management development program. She has served as an investment strategist managing high-net-worth clients’ portfolios and then moved into management as a regional investment manager. This path led to her 2017 promotion and her present day role as SVP leading a team of experienced financial professionals who help clients work toward their unique goals by providing investment management, trust and estate services, as well as specialized wealth services including legacy planning, real estate asset management, philanthropic, and business advisory services.
Being an African American executive, Kacy discusses her journey in the financial services industry and how proud she is to be navigating the journey as a woman of color every day, and acknowledges the power of sponsors who have advocated for her along the way.
“There aren’t many individuals who look like me and I have been able to navigate this industry with the support of great individuals of all types who took an interest in my career and my success.”
Gambles is keen to distinguish the difference between mentors and sponsors and urges people to understand the power of a sponsor who can truly advocate for you at the table where you are not seated. She believes more courageous conversations are the key to seeing change in the industry and in the need to advocate for hiring people with non-traditional backgrounds. And, that people should raise their hands to be matched with mentors and sponsors. She opines that Wells Fargo has a great programmatic approach to supporting women in the firm that she feels she has benefited from along the way.
“There is so much value in mentoring as it is a two directional relationship where both sides get to learn and address unconscious biases.”
She recounts recently going to a Tesla showroom and servicing shop and finding herself surprised at the number of female engineers; an example whereby we can all be caught unaware of the unconscious bias that can lurk in our brains if we are honest with ourselves in recognizing it.
Being a good manager is important to her and creating a team where people can be themselves is a continual goal of hers and she works to create space for all people to be themselves.
“When someone says thank you for listening and letting me be my authentic self and to be visible, I feel very proud. Diversity and ultimately inclusion means people can come to the table and feel like they are heard and this goes for ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation and even mental health diversity which is increasingly recognized.”
Change Agent
Inspiring and humble, Kacy is clearly motivated by being “the voice and the change” as she puts it “within the community and internally within the team”. She explains that a village helped raise her and she believes that coaching, inspiring, mentoring, developing and giving back is important to her in the work that she does inside and outside the firm.
“I am excited to be a change agent as how we (Wells Fargo) are seen in the community is important both in doing the best work to meet the wealth management goals of clients, and in solidifying an organization with great team members so that people can continue to believe in the organization.”
Kacy energetically talks about the increase of women owned businesses and within that the number of African American and Latinx women who are changing the lending culture by virtue of being the job creators and the product leaders in communities. She is excited by millennials and how they approach their careers and what their wealth needs will be in the future.
Tenacity on the Journey
Kacy reiterates tenacity as a trait that is helpful in building a career recounting that she got a lot of “no’s” but she chose to hear these as “not now” instead. She emphasizes the importance of being the owner of your career and figuring out the pathways to get more “yeses”. She believes that some barriers are organizational and can change with processes such as panel-based decisions in hiring but is forthright that individuals can self- impose their own limitations and believes that a “can do” attitude is crucial for success.
Kacy relays her advice that she would give to her younger self, “I tended to be quieter in meetings and I wish I had taken more chances. I was once advised that when someone thinks you are ready for an opportunity don’t insult them by saying you can’t. Now I realize that my advice to others is that you always can. You have the skills, resources, and examples. If you don’t see it then you can become the light for the people behind you.”
Outside of work she offers that her spiritual side is her foundation and that she was raised by strong women who remind her where she came from and keep her humble and that she has to “pull people up with me”.
Kacy enjoys travel with a philanthropic twist as a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity.
“I always leave feeling that the people building the houses get more than we give on these trips as it is the human side of connecting that matters and love still abounds and we as humans are resilient. It is very humbling.”
What Tom Brady taught me about leadership: Op-ed
Op-EdWhen mentoring young professionals, I like to start with two important and accessible leadership lessons that I learned from the New England Patriots star quarterback, Tom Brady.
Say Yes More Often.
One of my former CEOs called me and said he needed me to represent the bank at a fundraising event – a football scrimmage, featuring some celebrity guests – to raise money for a great cause. While I love athletics, I had never tossed a football around, and participating in a football scrimmage was a bit out of my comfort zone. But my boss encouraged me to give it a shot, and I said, “yes.”
Later that day, I arrived at Harvard Stadium, and as I entered the locker room to prepare for the game, I quickly realized that I was surrounded by professional football players from the New England Patriots. And then, to top it all off, Brady walked to the front of the room and gave us all a little pep talk. It certainly was not the afternoon I expected when my boss casually asked me if I wanted to attend an event on behalf of the bank. I learned my first lesson. Say yes to an opportunity even when it’s outside your comfort zone.
Brady went on to explain that he would be the quarterback for both teams and would pass the ball to the young adults whom this charitable organization helped support. Minutes before the end of the first half, Brady looked my way and said “Maria, this next one is headed to you.” As I started to plead with him to find another target, he fixed me with a rather disapproving look and said, “Hi, my name is Tom Brady, and I’m known for being a pretty good quarterback.” He shook my hand. “I usually can get a football to land where I want it to go. Will you trust me on this? I know you can do it.”
That’s when I learned the second lesson of the day: even if you’re nervous, don’t be afraid to say yes and believe in yourself. It would have been a missed opportunity if I had said no, and a decision that I would have regretted years later. I am thankful that I was in the presence of a quarterback who knew what was best for the team, believed in me and encouraged me to try.
And you know what? I ran down the field and Brady hit me with a perfect pass. I caught it, kept running and scored a touchdown. Greatness can be found outside of your comfort zone, but you have to be willing to try.
Give your team confidence.
Brady believed in himself and showed me that I could trust him. And together, we were able to succeed.
In the following weeks, I realized there was a hidden lesson in this story that was not obvious. Brady showed me that to get the most out of your team, it’s important to remind them that you can deliver. You’re the quarterback who can put the ball right where your team needs it to be. Or you’re the team lead that can provide your colleagues with the confidence to run down the field, catch the ball, and score their own touchdown. There are many missed touchdown opportunities because we forget to see the whole field, and understand the impact we can have on the final result by encouraging our colleagues to live up to their best potential.
Leadership lessons can seem more accessible with the lightness of a sports analogy, but stepping outside of your comfort zone isn’t any easier on the football field than it is in business. The core lesson remains the same – a great opportunity isn’t going to land in your hands or in your inbox if you aren’t engaged and working to improve every day.
To find more happiness at work, say yes more often, step out of your comfort zone and encourage your team to do the same.
Guest contribution from Maria Tedesco, President of Atlantic Union Bank
Author Bio:
Maria was named one of Most Powerful Women in Banking Team Award by American Banker in 2012 and 2017. In 2015, she was named one of the Most Powerful Women to Watch by American Banker. She received her M.B.A from Northeastern University and her B.S. from Ithaca College.
Melandee Jones Canady, Delivery Executive, AARP
Voices of Experience“I wish I had been more vocal early on; I was a doer quietly performing my work, until someone pulled me aside and said I needed to start broadcasting more of my achievements.” That helped raise her profile, which is paramount to success in any career.
A Career Based on All Paths Taken
The unifying thread behind Canady’s career is that she believed in seizing opportunities and seeing where they could take her. The result has been a successful marriage of technology and business skillsets, aligned toward making life easier for the customer.
An IT executive with 20 years of experience, she follows in the footsteps of her father, who sparked her interest when he would discuss his work with data centers and mainframes at the dinner table. She studied law and technology, and subsequent internships at IBM, Lockheed Martin and Allstate solidified her interest in technology, while opening her eyes to all the different opportunities in the field.
She started her career with Enovia , which had a rotation program that exposed her to a wide variety of skills, from client/server development to software testing. It was testing where she discovered “that she was great at breaking things and handing them off for someone else to fix them.” Eventually she left for the world of consulting, then worked on an international project for a reinsurance company and finally settled into financial services.
Canady joined Ally Bank, where she was impressed with the innovative ideas they were launching. She was part of its rebrand as a direct bank, where she was able to use her skills to create seamless and secure technology, which she realized was the only chance to make an impression on customers when there’s no brick-and-mortar presence. While there she earned her MBA and moved from systems analysis to a business-oriented role that bolstered her understanding of voice of the customer as she partnered to find out their needs and desired outcomes.
Soon she was recruited by a consulting company to support TIAA (then TIAA-CREF) which also wanted to set up a direct bank, as she was one of the few with the skillset. Eventually she decided to move to Washington, D.C., and worked with Deloitte Consulting specializing in systems integration, which she says was among her most satisfying work stints, given the many new experiences and opportunities to adapt what she had learned over the years in a client-facing role.
Almost four years ago, she was recruited to AARP where she interfaces between the technology departments and business partners to bridge gaps. “Working for an association gives you a fascinating view into how you can serve your 37+ million members, compared with working for shareholders,” she says, adding that it perfectly combines her background in voice of the customer and business outcomes as she serves its members and the community at large.
Today she is helping launch programs around artificial intelligence (AI), specifically working on the first level of Robotic Process Automation (RPA) to help make AARP more efficient. “With almost 38 million members and only 2,400 employees, it’s a puzzle to figure out how to support everything. RPA can automate rote tasks to allow staff to work on more exciting projects,” Canady explains.
While she’s had a number of satisfying professional experiences, she also counts among her achievements some of the programs she’s been involved with outside of work, such as testing software with the United Nations, along with a wide variety of mentoring and training efforts she’s helped with, including both formal and informal affinity groups.
One that she has particularly enjoyed is Black Data Processing Associates (BDPA), along with a Women in Technology group set up by her former boss at AARP. “As a female CIO, her goal was to show how others can follow in her path, which has opened doors and created conversations that otherwise wouldn’t have happened,” she says.
Helping Others Grow
And that often leads her to give advice to younger professionals. One of the first things Canady tells them is that it’s OK to stand out. “I’ve been on numerous teams where I’m the only woman, the only African American, or even the only American.” She finds there is still a persistent perception of what a “technologist” looks like. “People expect you to look a certain way or have a certain background, so I work to dispel that myth and emphasize we are all different,” she says. And she adds, that’s important for business success, too, since the more diverse teams are, the better the outcomes.
She also thinks it’s important for women to realize that career pivots are not just normal, they are often better. “It’s fine to remember what you wanted when you were first starting, but it’s wise to realize that your end game might change—and it might end up even better than you expected. The key to that is perseverance: Don’t let others discourage you; if there’s an assignment you want, raise your hand,” she says.
With her husband and two small children—a two-and-a-half year old daughter and nine-month-old son—Canady stays busy on the homefront, traveling and just being together. But she still finds time to give back, participating in a Giving Circle where they pool money to make more of an impact for local charities, and as a member of the Junior League.
Happy Presidents Day: 10 “How to” Career Articles
News, Next LevelIn the meantime, here is a selection of our favorite “how to” career articles. Career articles regarding “how to” never get old! Here are 5 picks that our readers liked most and have some of the highest readership figures over our thirteen years of bringing you the information that matters regarding how to navigate to the next level, beat the office blues and break your own glass ceiling:
Some were written a while ago but remain solid in their advice and relevancy. Enjoy and see you next week!
1.How to Survive a Re-Org and keep your career on track
2. Negotiation Tactics to close the gender wage gap
3. What to do when you feel undervalued at work?
4. Are you an “insecure overachiever?” stop the imposter syndrome
5. Who is on your Board of Directors?
6. Get Promoted in 2020!
7. Negotiate More Vacation Days!
8. Avoid Burnout with this article and this one too.
9. How and When to find a new job.
10. Use the Lattice not the ladder in your career.
Coaching is the ultimate career secret weapon and is where the rubber meets the road since advice is generic but coaching is specific to who you are and where you are.
If you want to be coached as a soon to be or a new leader or even just want to be even more excellent than you are today, then get in touch with Nicki (nicki@theglasshammer.com) for a free exploratory chat to see if leadership or executive or career coaching is for you. Write coaching in the title of the email so you dont get lost in the pile.
We have a number of excellent associate coaches ( all Columbia University qualified) who can be matched with you, including Nicki who is also an organizational psychologist, looking at the systemic as well as the individual career enablers and de-railers.
Enjoy the week!
Empathetic Anger: Is It the Only Acceptable Emotion for Women at Work?
NewsEmpathetic anger: the emotion felt in response to another person being hurt by someone or something else
Have you ever been told “don’t be so emotional?” at work?
I remember a specific moment in an office I worked in over ten years ago. A male boss was speaking to a female co-worker about something he was unhappy with in her performance, and while conveying his feedback, he told her not to be so emotional.
As he spoke in the fishbowl office, I watched from my cubicle while he paced back and forth, his hands waving emphatically through the air, his face and head getting redder and redder, his voice elevating until it carried right through the glass walls to where our team sat. My co-worker remained relatively calm in a chair in front of him.
When she finally came out with tears held back in her eyes, I considered the irony of what I’d just witnessed – how selective emotions that were more masculine-identified were permissible and somehow not too emotional?
And I wondered too, were the tears that stung in her eyes also anger, albeit withheld?
When Caught in Anger
All emotions are guides and most dangerous if denied, but the way we manage them and channel their outward expression matters. Today children – and girls particularly – are being encouraged to be in more in touch with anger, rather than repress it.
“It is natural and normal to feel anger,” iterates Audrey Nelson, Ph.D., in Psychology Today. “If you never get angry, it means you have no boundaries or you will not acknowledge them.”
When in the moment of anger, it’s important to realize what’s at play.
Research shows that anger impairs your ability to step back and see any matter from multiple perspectives, which can lead to conflict spirals. This holds true even when the residual anger is unrelated to the situation you are presently dealing with.
“What we’re finding is that when people feel angry, they’re collapsing in on themselves,” says Wharton professor Maurice Schweitzer about the studies. “They become far more egocentric.”
The researchers share that any emotion that results in high arousal – including happiness – means a diminished ability for perspective-taking, which requires greater cognitive energy. It’s important that when caught in anger to realize you are more likely to hold an egocentric perspective in this moment.
When Leaders Display Anger
Research has shown that displaying anger in the office has the potential to go several ways when it comes to leadership perception.
Leaders who are perceived to exhibit anger as a personality trait, as opposed to selectively and motivationally, are often seen as less effective. Especially when a leader’s anger is deemed inappropriate, it decreases employee motivation towards voluntary tasks.
Displaying anger has been associated with perceived power more than displaying sadness, however some research shows that showing sadness can actually create more positive outcomes for leaders.
Whereas showing anger is associated with “position (ie. legitimate, reward and coercive) power,” which does indeed have benefits in perceived leader effectiveness and follower loyalty, showing sadness is more associated with greater “personal (ie. referent) power”.
This means that leaders displaying anger are seen to have more coercive power, being solid in their position in the organization and the punishments and rewards they wield, but are less appealing on a personal level than leaders who display sadness. That can have some backfire effects on leadership leverage.
Another study shows that when a leader displays anger in response to a matter of integrity, this increases the perception of his or her leader effectiveness. However, when a leader displays anger in response to a matter of competency, this reduces perception of his or her leader effectiveness.
Also, it’s all in the eye of the beholder’s own feelings. Research that measured performance found that followers who were not very agreeable responded positively to a leader’s exhibition of anger, whereas followers who were highly agreeable responded poorly to the exhibition of anger by a leader.
When Women Exhibit Anger
Due to the glaring gender gap, the research on leadership perception and anger is skewed towards displays of anger by male leaders. Not surprisingly, anger is perceived differently if displayed by a woman than a man, though it’s entirely untrue that men experience anger more often than women.
What research has found is that while men experience decreased effectiveness when they cannot display anger, women are able to hold in the anger, and may even feel bad about experiencing it, but will still be able to act upon their feelings when the situation calls for it.
Beyond feeling it’s counterproductive, women leaders have a social reason to hold back on overt anger expression.
“Women incur social and economic penalties for expressing stereotypical ‘masculine’ emotions because they threaten society’s patriarchal barriers against the ‘dominance of women’,” writes Quintin Fottrell, summing up the researcher’s findings.
When women clearly exhibit the agentic (often masculine-identified) qualities that both sexes associate as primary to effective leadership, they fall into a double bind where they are seen as less communal than expected from a woman, and judged harshly.
Unless women exhibit both agentic and communal qualities simultaneously, women leaders can experience backlash.
Research on group deliberation found that men’s social influence increased when their opinion included an expression of anger, whereas women’s social influence diminished when they expressed the exact same opinion with anger.
Whereas participants confidence in their own position diminished when a man was expressing his position with anger (observers were more likely to question their own stance around an angry man), it solidified more when a woman expressed her position with anger.
The researchers found that “Participants regarded an angry woman as more emotional, which made them more confident in their own opinion.” While anger added to credibility for men, and increased their authority, it led to dismissal for women.
Women, unlike men, are also likely to be perceived in a poorer light by both men and women if they express anger about situations that have personally caused them harm rather than share with emotional neutrality. Women’s anger was attributed to her personality in this case, whereas men’s anger is perceived to be motivated by external circumstances.
It’s Different When Women Exhibit ‘Empathetic’ Anger
Not all anger is the same. Sometimes it helps to have anger attributed directly to personality, when it comes to advocating for or defending others.
A recent set of studies revealed that when women display genuine empathetic anger – “anger that is caused by witnessing or learning of harm done to another person” – they are positively perceived as signaling both agentic and communal leadership traits.
Women were significantly more likely to benefit from displays of empathetic anger than men, including being seen as more effective in their position. The reason is that observer’s more strongly attributed the empathetic anger in women leaders to their personalities, which reflected positively upon the leader’s character.
The researchers encourage women to be very forthcoming in displaying their empathetic anger, because it allows women to be witnessed positively as agentic while increasing their communal perception too. Empathetic anger is associated with prosocial behavior.
It’s frustrating to have women’s expression of anger under greater scrutiny by everyone, women included. It’s also good to know that when anger has a more collective feel, it works for reinforcing women’s leadership, as the injustices one women faces are rarely faced entirely alone.
When it comes to empathy, it’s one place women are rewarded for getting “too emotional.”
Authors Bio: Aimee Hansen is a freelance writer, frequent contributor to theglasshammer and Creator and Facilitator of Storyteller Within Retreats, Lonely Planet recommended women’s circle retreats focused on self-exploration and connecting with your inner truth and sacred expression through writing, yoga, meditation, movement and ceremonies.
By Aimee Hansen
Get More Clarity For Productivity At Work
Expert AnswersPeople give a variety of reasons for why they are stressed such as overwork, no control over work, lack of support, etc. The truth is, stress is very personalized. Some people are stressed by fast-paced jobs and others feel it when they are in a dead end, quiet job that bores them. The bottom line: We all feel stress from time to time. For women who are parents in particular, there are other stressors that are unique getting kids off to school in the mornings, taking care of things around the house if the mental and actual load of domesticity and life admin is not shared and the supporting community for those who are community-minded. Some are blessed to have helpful mates, but many are not so lucky. So, along with aspiring to be great in their role at work, they are tasked with everything else away from work. Little wonder that this is such an issue.
Yes, some stress is actually good for us. It’s what makes us care about a deadline and get and get moving to meet it. But too much stress can kill us. It robs us of clarity. It keeps us from focusing on an issue and solving it. we lose sleep, which makes the impact even worse. We stop being as productive as we could be.
Most people who are in positions of authority have a great deal of high expectations placed upon them. They are always “on” and they have to be pro-active about managing all of the pressure and demands of their role. Of course, most of them are highly compensated, but I can tell you from personal experience that when your stress is at its highest there isn’t enough money in the world to make it seem worth it.
So, how do we fix this, because it certainly needs fixing.
Seven Minutes, Times Three
First of all, to effectively deal with the demands and pressures of the day, we have to be proactive. We have to agree that the way we are doing it cannot continue without crashing and burning at some point. And, no job is worth that.
After searching high and low, I found my answer in mindfulness. We hear and read a lot about it today, but just a few years ago you had to look for it. Mindfulness is made up of several ingredients. For one, gratitude. It’s amazing what being thankful can do for our souls, even in the worst of times. Count your blessings, as the old song says, and name them one by one. When you do, you’ll see past any gloom and be convinced that that your life is good and, in fact, better than most. Be grateful. Gratitude is just one thing you can focus on when being mindful. There are so many more.
Another aspect of mindfulness is physical. It’s getting alone and quiet. It’s breathing and exhaling slowly.
When I first discovered the beauty and effectiveness of this, I was astounded. What I loved most about it was that it didn’t take a lot of time out of my day for it to work and be transformational. Busy people can do it, especially if they schedule it.
So, let me suggest this for you. Take 7 minutes first thing in the morning when you get to the office to just sit and breathe and only focus on your breathing. Don’t dive straight into your emails and text messages. If you have to, get to the office ten minutes early and close your door. Leave your electronics off.
Close your eyes. Get comfortable. Take a few deep breaths and as you exhale, you’ll bring your heart rate more in sync with your breath. Keep breathing slowly. This leads the brain to release endorphins, which is a calming effect. This is much more effective than any pill you could ever take.
And then, sometime during your day when you’re feeling overwhelmed with work or emotions, literally go through the motions of stepping back, pausing and breathing for 7 minutes.
Schedule 10 minutes of open time late in your work day between calls or appointments. Take 7 of those minutes to just pause and breathe. This will allow your emotions to calm down and get clarity, allowing you to move forward and be more productive.
That’s just twenty-one minutes. If you work a ten-hour day you are working a total of 600 minutes. That means you spent less than 4 percent of your day on de-stressing and finding clarity.
That leaves you 96 percent of your day to use your de-stressed mind to be more productive and capable. You’ll be healthier and your work will be better than ever.
Start tomorrow and see what happens. I wish you all the best.
Author Bio:
Ruth Klein, brand strategist and productivity coach for CEO’s, entrepreneurs and sales teams and the author of the upcoming book, Generation Why Not? 7 Principles to a Purposeful Business & Life, Driven by Attitude, Not Age.”
Guest contributor’s views are their own and not endorsed by theglasshammer.com- all rights reserved.
Black History Month 2020: Celebrating Amazing Women!
NewsHere at theglasshammer.com we are happy to honor and celebrate Black History Month 2020 by curating some of our favorite articles on the topic.
Research such as Catalyst’s work on the “Concrete Ceiling” on African American women in Corporate America, would show that there are specific systemic issues hindering the progress of this group.
Back in 2016, we wrote about how a person can individually think about their privilege, with trends being very much about a “check your privilege” that year. Surveys examined it, we navel gazed it with writers reflecting hard. But, did it matter? Has it mattered? Oscarssowhite then is proving to be the same now in 2020 despite amazing talent and hard work by African American artists with Janelle Monae even going to lengths to talk about it at the Oscars (with good allies.) We cannot seem to get past awareness and keep giving the biggest prize to the white guy. Watch Election 2020 for same results. Donald, Pete, Joe, Bernie, Mike? Not sure we will ever see a 5 person line up with names like Donna, Petra, Joanna, Bernadette and Mekayla. Nevermind Shonda or Sharifa in there.
There are certainly parallels present when it comes to the explicit resistance of people who have traditionally held all the cards of power with can be seen all day every day with on social media with the defense of the status quo with “Not all white people” as well as “Not all men” or “All lives matter.” When this happens, people need to ask themselves what are they feeling when they choose to defend an entire societal group with unknown people in there? Why do that? What is the cognitive emotional process that drives that behavior because if you know that you are trying to be a good person and do the right thing, why not focus on your own actions only individually and institutionally instead of defending people you do not know?
The Corporate Context
2017 saw losses in black female leaders at the top And, where are we now? It is hard to see the real progress down the ranks for pipeline. And, each firm and each industry certainly have degrees of effort and robust integrated talent processes to change the situation. We do know that black women are rising their hands for leadership.
Visibility continues to matter so here are some of our favorite profiles over the years of amazing women who identify as African American.
Publisher’s Pick:
1) Erika Irish Brown, Chief Diversity Officer at Goldman Sachs shares,
“If you expose people who are smart and hard working to opportunities – and provide them with an access point to begin a career – success follows.”
2) Ursula Burns (then CEO, Xerox) speaks at Catalyst shares,
“You have to moderate your voice so people can pick out the important things. You have to understand when it’s important to speak. I had to learn to kind of shut up. Not all of the things that are happening are important to me. I have calmed down about the areas that are not that important.”
3) Paula Anderson, Partner Litigation, Shearman and Sterling shares,
“Access to the pathways to success also means dealing with some of the unconscious biases that may exist,for example, there are certain preconceptions some people have with respect to women not having boardroom presence or not being aggressive enough. Particularly in the litigation field, there are certain ideas of what a successful and capable litigator should look like, and that’s often something akin to a Perry Mason.”
4) Valerie S Peters, SVP, and Head Relationship Management Services, Abbot Downing shares,
“When I entered the corporate world over 20 years ago, I believed that it was possible to achieve anything with hard work and discipline, and I still believe those are key ingredients to success,”
5) Susan Reid, Chief Diversity Officer, Morgan Stanley shares,
“Like many younger people I focused quite a bit on building technical skills and getting the work done, but if I had an opportunity to start over, I would focus on cultivating relationships earlier and sustaining those relationships over time,”
6) Kimberly Bryant, Founder and CEO, Black Girls Code shares,
“I spent 20-plus years as a woman in a male-dominated field and underwent struggles throughout my career as part of it. I was able to forge my path, but there were not many role models and I had to constantly prove my ability to thrive and compete in male-centric environments. That’s one of the key drivers for me – I want to to create a different environment for the girls coming behind me.”
7) Avis Yates Rivers, CEO Technology Concepts Group International shares,
“There are some technical women who want to be technical ICs. You need to find the environment to foster that. For women who have the vision or leadership – we need more CIOs in corporations. Find a mentor and let your interests and desires be known and have someone pushing you along the way.”
8) Lisa Davis, now Managing Director, Citi shares,
“Many people are afraid to network,” she continued. “I for one am a typical introvert and I’m not always comfortable taking the initiative to meet people and interact – but when you talk about true networking, that’s what you do! Its not just about meeting people, it’s about developing relationships rather than just collecting business cards.”
9) Carly Scales, Managing Director, Goldman Sachs Technology Division shares,
“Throughout your career, finding your true north and being comfortable in your own skin is really important. Having authenticity and being able to bring your full self to the office is an important component to ensure you can do your best work and contribute to your team at the highest level.”
Enjoy these and so many of our excellent profiles over the years.
Owning Your Mistakes: Why It Is a Mark of Leadership
Career AdviceThe best leaders don’t become less trustworthy when they make a mistake. They become more trusted – precisely because of how they owned and managed the process.
The Importance of Admitting When You Are Wrong
Previously, research across 3,100 employees in 13 countries revealed that the largest gap in leadership behavior between what matters to employees and what is perceived to be consistently demonstrated by supervisors is: “admitting when they are wrong.”
Eighty-one percent of employees considered it important or very important for leaders to admit mistakes, but only 41 percent felt their bosses consistently did so.
Researchers found that a leader’s willingness to “admit when they are wrong” is the top tested behavior when it comes to positively impact on employee job satisfaction and intention to stay in the job.
The Danger of Deniability or Deflection
An inability to perceive and admit mistakes is not at all a strength, but a weakness – and in a leader, it’s blind and dangerous.
Nobody enjoys being wrong, and Psychology Today points out that sometimes we accept full responsibility and sometimes we accept only partial responsibility for mistakes, but that is different than a tendency to “push back against the actual facts”.
When an individual repetitively pushes back on all evidence and is simply unable to admit he or she is wrong, it’s psychological rigidity.
“Some people have such a fragile ego, such brittle self-esteem, such a weak “psychological constitution,” that admitting they made a mistake or that they were wrong is fundamentally too threatening for their egos to tolerate,” writes Guy Winch, Ph.D., “Accepting they were wrong, absorbing that reality, would be so psychologically shattering, their defense mechanisms do something remarkable to avoid doing so — they literally distort their perception of reality to make it (reality) less threatening. Their defense mechanisms protect their fragile ego by changing the very facts in their mind, so they are no longer wrong or culpable.”
Winch points out that this person may appear as though standing their ground and not backing down, and we would then associate this behavior with being strong, but this behavior is anything but strength or conviction.
“These people are not choosing to stand their ground; they’re compelled to do so in order to protect their fragile egos…” write Winch. “It takes a certain amount of emotional strength and courage to deal with that reality and own up to our mistakes.”
If someone cannot admit a mistake in the face of clear evidence, if they have to blame something else, deflect or change the story, it’s because their ego is too fragile to allow the humility (or humanity) of erring. That’s the opposite of leadership.
On a lighter scale, even not vocally acknowledging a mistake or glossing over it can reflect a lack of awareness in the growth value of doing so.
“As any great leader will tell you, they have made many mistakes along the way. They will admit that it was the collective insight from bad decisions that taught them invaluable lessons – and how to see opportunities in everything and anticipate the unexpected more quickly,“ writes author Glenn Lopis in Forbes. “Successful leaders are transparent enough with themselves and others to admit their wrong doings so that those around them can also benefit from their learnings. They call this wisdom and many leaders lack it – because they are too proud to recognize mistakes as valuable learning moments for themselves and others.”
The Alchemy in Owning Mistakes = Trust
“Being a leader doesn’t mean that you’re always right or that you won’t err,” writes Jim Whitehurst, president and CEO of Red Hat, “What being a leader does mean is airing the reasons for why you did something and then making yourself accountable for the results—even if those you’re accountable to don’t directly work for you.”
Admitting and taking responsibility for a mistake means a willingness to show human vulnerability and transparency – which cultivates a sense of trust, adds to your credibility as a leader and earns respect.
“Typically, when leaders realize they’ve made a mistake, others have noticed, too. Leaders who then fail to admit they were wrong leave employees feeling as though their leaders consider being right more important than being honest,” writes Chris McCloskey, from Dale Carnegie Training. “Taking responsibility demonstrates that leaders value integrity over the easier paths of laying blame or hoping their mistake won’t be exposed. Admitting when you’re wrong also shows you’re aware of, and therefore in a position to learn from, your mistakes. This can build further confidence in your leadership.”
Owning your mistake provides an important sense of safety as a leader, and puts more validity behind your word. When employees feel safe, their talents and energies are put towards supporting the leader rather than protecting their position in the organization, while creating a culture in which employees can feel safe to take important risks and own their mistakes too.
Michelle Reina, of Reina Trust Building consultants, writes, “through nearly 25 years of trust-focused research and experience, we can give one piece of guidance to leaders seeking to increase their trustworthiness: Take responsibility for your mistakes.” Reina asks, “Do you remember the last time you didn’t just ‘get through’ a mistake, but embraced it as a ready-made opportunity to deepen trust?”
Reina argues that the authenticity, integrity and safety built through owning a mistake and then addressing solutions catalyzes trust: “In our experience, when you admit you’ve made a mistake, you don’t erode trust in your leadership, you strengthen it.”
What Women Must Keep in Context
Research shows women are more likely to hold on to mistakes emotionally and blame themselves, while men move on faster, tell “tidy stories” or exhibited detached perspectives on mistakes.
So while being forthcoming in owning real mistakes, it’s also important for women particularly to remember that ownership of a mistake does not justify or require self-shaming. And this is not about habitual apologizing, which is clearly something to break from.
Owning a real mistake is about owning a clearly bad judgment or decision as something you are capable of as a human, so you can acknowledge and learn from it. It’s about knowing you are big enough to admit an error, not making yourself smaller. Whereas self-shaming means women are going to a place of “I am bad” for having ever made that mistake.
“Women can spend less energy beating themselves up and more energy learning from the mistake,” writes Alina Tugenda, author of ‘Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong’. “I’m not advocating blaming “the system,” but being able to depersonalize the mistake helps us to view it more objectively and learn whatever lessons can be learned from it.”
Navigating Your Mistakes
Ultimately, making a mistake or judgment in error is a reflection of having been willing to take the decisions that come at both risk and opportunity.
What matters is the ability to allow the humanness to acknowledge your mistakes cleanly without covering them up, displacing blame or overly internalizing and dramatizing the mistake.
Beyond owning the mistake, leadership actions are mitigating the damage, learning from your mistakes, openly working with your team to address solutions, helping others to avoid the same mistake and moving onwards.
A mistake is a mistake. The process of navigating the mistake can be a stepping stone towards greater trust, respect and admiration as a leader. As with anything, it’s how you handle it that makes the difference.
By Aimee Hansen
Aimee Hansen is a freelance writer, frequent contributor to theglasshammer and Creator and Facilitator of Storyteller Within Retreats, Lonely Planet recommended women’s circle retreats focused on self-exploration and connecting with your inner truth and sacred expression through writing, yoga, meditation, movement and ceremonies.