Tag Archive for: Networking

OP-Ed: Six Hallmarks Of Rebuilding Strong Relationships at Work

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relationships at workAs we come out of the pandemic, rebuilding strong relationships at work will require special attention. Strong relationships are crucial for success and satisfaction – they determine the extent to which our managers, direct reports and even colleagues outside our area provide us the information, resources, and support we need as well as their openness to influence and willingness to work out difficulties.

Those relationships have suffered during the last 18 months. Tasks have been more foregrounded and personal connection backgrounded, as Zoom exhaustion, phone and email replaced the informal in-person contact that often builds connection.

Returning to working in person creates opportunities to build and rebuild strong, functional relationships. And there are challenges. We can’t just “flip a switch” and return to how it was before. Jobs have changed, and so have our needs. Some colleagues left and new ones were hired who we haven’t met in person. Some are happy to be back, others aren’t. Old habits and approaches might no longer work. We feel pressured to make up for lost time, leaving us without the luxury of letting new relationships develop over time. What to do?

We have studied what it takes to proactively build strong relationships quickly at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business for decades and know that relationships exist on a continuum from contact with no connection/casual to closer/more personal and ultimately to what we call exceptional. There are six hallmarks to moving along that continuum.

Six Hallmarks of Relationship Building

The first is I can be more fully myself and so can you. With someone new we tend to be cautious. As the relationship develops, we disclose more, which decreases misunderstandings and increases ways to connect. It also encourages the other to share, since disclosure tends to be reciprocal.

This relates to the second hallmark: both of you are willing to be vulnerable. What can I do to encourage you to disclose besides initiating? I can learn how to ask questions that convey I really want to know you and what matters to you. Reciprocal sharing and vulnerability build trust and understanding.

Disclosure feels risky. The third hallmark is therefore trust that what I share will not be used against me. That trust is built over time as you each take incrementally larger risks in becoming known to each other.

Fourth is, a willingness to be honest with each other. Do I know that you mean what you say so I don’t have to read between the lines or worry about what you are withholding and vice versa?

As we share more of ourselves, deepen our relationship, and work together, disagreements are inevitable, and conflicts might emerge. The fifth hallmark is dealing with disagreements and conflict productively in ways that further build the relationship.

The final hallmark is both of us are committed to each other’s growth. This may require raising difficult issues and giving challenging feedback, in service of each other’s learning and development.

Applying the Hallmarks In the Office

As we emerge from the pandemic, here is how these come into play. You have just returned to working in person and someone new has joined the team who you’ve never met or worked with. There are also team members with whom you are at the “mere contact” end of the continuum and others with whom you are a bit farther along. With some you are close. Maybe you have mixed feelings about some of these people. A couple of incidents during Zoom meetings annoyed you, which you didn’t raise. Time and performance pressures necessitate you move these relationships along the continuum to functional and robust quickly.

There are multiple ways to develop relationships and what is effective with one person might not be with another. With the new hire, you might start with sharing more of yourself as well as finding out how they like to get work done. For those where the relationship is not strong, talking about how each of you want to relate might help. In those cases where you’ve had negative interactions, it might be important to have an honest conversation about how to move past that and explore what there is to be learned.

People also differ in how they like to get work done. Some like to plan first, others like to take action to gather early data. Some are comfortable with risk, others more cautious, and so forth. Each of us has a strong preference for our style and yet organizations need them all.

In strong relationships we each leverage our style and work together productively. What do we do with conflict that arises when our styles differ? We learned firsthand when working together. David is a divergent thinker, always coming up with new ideas. Carole is more convergent and wants to “cut to the chase.” In discussing this openly, we realized we needed each other. If David was dominant, we might never have finished our book – if Carole’s was, our final product might not have been as good.

Returning to the office will require we double down on efforts to establish new relationships and reestablish previous ones. We can’t afford to “just let things develop.” We will have to make more intentional, conscious efforts. Doubling down requires paying even closer attention to how others get their work done and talking openly about preferences. We may need to be explicit and proactive. “I’m glad to respond to your requests, but it works better for me when I have advanced warning” could be all it takes.

Doubling down also means becoming aware of and willing to discuss entirely new issues, such as people’s preferences for in-person, hybrid or working at home for health reasons. We may need to be clearer about how tasks are to be divided up and handed off. Learning to empathize with someone whose pandemic experience (and post pandemic reality) is very different from ours will also matter.

We’ll need to respond differently to small annoyances, which are more likely when starting or reestablishing relationships. Your way of working bothers me a bit. But rather than just shoving my frustration under the rug and blaming you, this could be a sign we have something to work on and an opportunity for mutual learning and a better relationship.

To do this we will have to acknowledge the legitimacy of different approaches and further develop our problem-solving skills. It is less useful to try to convince the other and more useful to jointly explore what will work for both of us. That process, rather than distancing us, can further reestablish healthy work relationships and build even stronger ones.

Everything is unlikely to work out from the beginning, even with proactive outreach. Building and rebuilding relationships is a process that requires learning from what doesn’t work as much as from what does. It demands persistence, intention, and patience. But quickly building and rebuilding stronger relationships is well worth the effort.

David Bradford, Ph.D. is the Eugene O’Kelly II Senior Lecturer Emeritus in Leadership at Stanford Graduate School of Business, where he helped develop Interpersonal Dynamics (aka “Touchy Feely”) as well as much of the school’s leadership curriculum. He is the author of numerous books, including Managing for Excellence, Influence Without Authority, and Power Up. He lives in Berkeley, California, with his wife of more than fifty years.



Carole Robin, Ph.D. was the Dorothy J. King Lecturer in Leadership and Director of the Arbuckle Leadership Fellows Program at Stanford Graduate School of Business before co-founding Leaders in Tech, which brings the principles and process of “Touchy Feely” to executives in Silicon Valley. Prior to coming to Stanford, she had careers in sales and marketing management and was a partner in two consulting firms. She lives in San Francisco, California, with her husband of 36 years.

A fuller description of these six hallmarks and how to use them to build relationships can be found in CONNECT: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues by co-authors David Bradford and Carole Robin. Crown Random House, New York. 2021. Their book also contains the lessons of “Touchy Feely” that thousands of students have consistently described for decades as life changing. Available in hardcover, audible and Kindle versions HERE.

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Courtney Lee: Associate Investment Strategist, Dimensional Fund Advisors

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Courtney Lee“You can learn anything. You just have to be confident in your ability to learn,” says Courtney Lee, who has recently moved to Dimensional Fund Advisors (DFA).

Lee shares on the value of the learning curve, bridging the gap in socializing at work and taking a scaffolding approach to overcoming networking aversion.

Chasing A Steep Learning Curve

Coming out of Brown University with a business economics degree but no desire to go down the Ph.D. route, Lee found herself moving towards finance and then investment management.

She was not drawn to the idea of sales—or the outgoing, used car salesman kind of personality she associated with it—but she tried it with a friend’s referral.

“I ended up enjoying sales once I discovered how to implement my own approach” reflects Lee. “Essentially you just provide people with information and let them decide how they want to use that.”

When the steep learning curve flattened out, however, Lee grew restless and sought out an MBA from Washington University in St. Louis, so she could develop analytical skills to dive deeper into the data.

“There are a lot of factors at play that affect your investment portfolio—part of my job is to understand and communicate those factors,” says Lee. “My job is to explain complicated things in an uncomplicated manner so that people can understand it.”

Building Up Your Learning Capacity

“I look for steep learning curves,” says Lee. “I do that over and over and over again”—such as enrolling in a rotational program at State Street Global Advisors (SSGA) after business school.

“I begin new opportunities with confidence that although I don’t know much yet, I will. I have to be curious and unashamed about asking questions,” says Lee. “If something is unclear, I do not assume that my questions are dumb or that everyone knows except me. I just ask. By asking those questions early and often, I climb the learning curve.”

If she could, Lee would assure her undergrad self that it’s okay to not know what she doesn’t yet know and that she will learn most things on the job.

“What you’re learning in university is a good foundation,” she notes, “but you’re always going to have a learning curve—the gradient depends on your background and what fundamental knowledge you have.”

As a Division 1 basketball player back at Brown, she used to return pre-Covid to share her experience and perspective with student-athletes.

“I tell them that employers know that you don’t know everything,” she says. “They’re hiring you because they’re confident that you can learn and that they can teach you what you need to know to do the job.”

She recommends building up your learning capacity to lessen the curve each time—“continue building a strong foundation of relevant knowledge and skills that make climbing the learning curve easier and faster.”

Lee values mentorship for gleaning insight and knowledge from those ahead of her on the curve.

“I often use mentorship for perspective,” she says, calling on others to help her think about a situation, to check her thought processes, to ask how they would handle a decision.

“I don’t know what I don’t know,” Lee says, “but there are a lot of people who can guide me.”

Bridging the Gap

Building up camaraderie with mostly male colleagues in the office wasn’t easy in the early days when she began.

Lee noticed she wasn’t getting invited to lunches or to happy hour. Playing basketball during Friday lunch was the bridge she took to finding other common ground.

Once she connected on the basketball court, Lee began to be invited out with colleagues. Other times she simply asked to join them. While socializing has become less of an issue, Lee still feels women at her level are hampered by stuck perceptions and taboos.

“Male colleagues can go out for a drink with a male boss or a male boss’s boss without scrutiny. The same is not always true for young female professionals,” she observes.

Building Up To Enjoying Networking

Lee admits being initially resistant to networking, but the lasting relationships that she’s built at each firm are now what she finds most fulfilling.

“As an undergrad, I thought of networking as superficial and intimidating” says Lee, but her business school experience slowly broke her from this aversion.

“At Washington University in St. Louis, networking was a requirement during orientation. They made it easy and low stakes,” she recalls. “First, you were networking with your classmates. And by networking with your classmates, you’re making friends.”

Lee explains how the school took a scaffolding approach. After classmates, students were then asked to connect with alumni, who could offer valuable insight and advice. Lastly, they applied their networking skills with prospective employers.

“By the time the employers come in, you’re like I’m just connecting with people and having a one-on-one conversations,” Lee reflects. “I’m an introvert, and I felt comfortable with that.”

Even when it comes to event networking, Lee recalls valuable advice such as considering approaching a group of two or three people, rather than a group of four with no obvious space to step into.

“Others are often there for the same reason and it can be awkward, so they’re looking for you to initiate too,” she notes.

Developing Expertise and Contributing

While she loves traversing learning curves, Lee is excited to transition from a generalist to building expertise in her new position.

“I’m really excited to climb this learning curve,” she says. “It’s a new firm. It’s a new role. There’s a new investment philosophy, so all of it is very stimulating. My goals are to learn and contribute.”

During one of her rotations back at SSGA, she specialized briefly in Environmental, Social, and (Corporate) Governance (ESG) investments. She’s excited that much of this approach—such as exclusionary and inclusionary screening—is being increasingly integrated into the broader investment process throughout the industry.

Her personal donor-advised fund, a fund used solely for contributing to non-for-profits, is also invested in sustainable and impact strategies.

Growing In New Surroundings

Lee is settling in after a move from Boston to Austin, Texas for her DFA role, intent on the conscious effort to build community in a pandemic world.

Yet another learning curve Lee has launched herself into is DIY woodworking. With her move, she brought a coffee table, blanket ladder and sit-stand desk she crafted with her own hands.

“With guidance, I think I can learn how to do this,” she says, no matter what it is—and all the evidence shows she can.

By Aimee Hansen

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Effective Networking for Female Professionals: The Old Girls Club?

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By Nicki Gilmour

It is Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day this week (Friday 8th March, 2019) so tune in for hard hitting editorial on women’s advancement at work, like we do the other fifty weeks of the year also.

According to a new study published last month, women should be networking with other women as well as men if they want to land more prestigious and better paid jobs. This study of suggests women need a women-only inner circle and a larger, well-connected network generally. The study analyzed the peer networks and job placements of 728 students at leading university, representing two class years, from an MBA program in 2006 and 2007. All of the graduates landed leadership jobs, so the (well respected) researchers ranked the positions according to prestige and other factors. The subjects studied consisted of 542 were men and 186 women, which is roughly consistent with the researchers’ findings that women make up about a quarter of business school students nationwide. The conclusion being that a person’s network composition regarding gender split can predict the career success of women. Wired magazine broke down the study and talked to the study authors and interpreted the study with the main message being women and men who are connected to other well-connected peers across their social network do better. In addition, it is extrapolated that women thrive from “gender-specific private information and support.” And men do not need insider information to thrive and advance because, wait for it ‘work is built for them’. Words that interested me from the study’s lead author, Northwestern University data scientist, Brian Uzzi, he goes on to state,

“Quite frankly, most of the jobs are still male-dominated and therefore the kind of private information that’s so important to help women get ahead isn’t as important to men’s advancement,”

Despite Brain Uzzi being possible the leading network expert, a respected expert in social psychology with a very respectable body of work that no one can argue with and some really good advice, it is hard to accept that his conclusion from just final job outcome is the end of the story.

For me, it is very much the opening of the conversation around bias, gender stratification and gender roles, because people decide if the men and women of this study get hired and people negotiate offers for salaries. That is to say, a man and a woman could have made the same connection at the same networking mixer, but the man got hired.

But, if we take this study at face value, then we can conclude that this is not new news as we know women have to work twice as hard at networking just as they do with other areas.

Uzzi shares his opinion on how he feels women should behave via his interpretation only of the results,

“When it comes to networking, women need two things and men only need one, so for every one contact a man makes, a woman has to split her time between the contact that’s going to give her market information and the contact who’s going to give her private information. If you’ve got to split the time between the two, you’ve got to be very smart about the kinds of choices you make.”

It is not a revelation that women have to work harder or are given less credibility for the same thing, or are dinged for same traits. Nor is it a shock to most of you that you do get the scoop from other women, because it could be friendship or a deeper phenomenon involving “out group” dynamics. Call it what you will, because what is real that we pay the same money for those MBAs so we need a way to ensure we get the same Return on Investment as literally the next guy. And for the love of golf, do not ask us to play unless you want to and even then, you are not one of them.

A step backwards?

What this research does not talk about is what men can do to prevent women from having to make choices. You can be a good man yet not be a man who advocates for women to have equal pathways to success.

Then, #metoo comes along with the shouts of “not all men” which of course is entirely valid because we all know some really great caring men who understand consent and respect and where the lines of proper behavior lie. The problem with the “not all men” chant is that it can silence the nuance of useful conservation around “although you do not, but by virtue of a legacy power structure you probably could be you were inclined to, therefore how do we ensure the bad guys are stopped by a new structure so you do not ever have to feel lumped in with them, because you are in fact part of the solution”. Instead, out of fear many men have taken a step back from interacting with women at work. Not helpful. Just actually more indulgent of a privilege to withdraw of a historically dominant group instead of facing the work that has to be done. Some people do not have that privilege to say no without consequence.

Networking past the biases and fear

Most networking information is entirely based on men networking with men with male examples given as an argument for basing your connection on hobbies and passions. Herminia Ibarra’s work clearly delineates the differences between personal, operational and strategic networks and is worth a read.

In this era of strong gender roles still being perpetuated by most people, men and women alike (granted glimpses of hope around understanding the negative effects on boys as well as girls of the patriarchy and toxic masculinity), it no shock that men continue to network with each other in the way they have always known how, excited primal physical arousal states usually with sports and competition. Which is why we have to believe there are physiological differences without believing we are beholden to them. We all have the ability to disrupt our cognitive process with a behavior change. That goes for women too. Start with your own biases. How much do you do love the patriarchy? Odd question you might think, but really look at to what extent do you favor men and boy’s needs over those of women and girls? This question is not about whether you like men or whether you believe in raising strong daughters or whether your husband does the dishes. It is a question about your own value sets, deep, intrinsic ones that are probably buried in your unconscious and then how that affects your conscious and unconscious behaviors.

Why do you go to women for information and perhaps comfort but not for promotion, stretch projects and general greatness? Why do men get immediate credibility and do you give it freely while in parallel asking women to prove themselves?

As we enter the hoopla, ceremony and celebration of International Women’s Day, the question to ask yourself is where are you on this spectrum of consciously and unconsciously endorsing for men because they are men, because it’s a spectrum we are all on.

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Change Your Mindset To Change the World (and Your World)

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By Nicki Gilmour

As we close out our Black History Month coverage this week, and in a direct follow up to my Op-ed on mental constructs regarding Race and how to talk about racism.

I ask how can you ensure your network is not just full of people like you, who hold the same constructs and therefore everyone can easily have confirmation bias? Bad for business with potential ‘groupthink’ coming into play, and bad for personal growth.

I am going to ask you to check whether you walk the talk on having an inclusive network.

Does your network consist of people who look, think and act like you, in every way? I am here to ask what can you gain by broadening your horizons?

How can you ensure you are getting to know perspectives that are different from yours? Equally, how can you explore enough when you are getting to know someone, to find out if that person who do not look like, can actually be very similar? How can you not presume or make assumptions based on stereotypes? It is hard because you brain “goes” there and research from the fields of neuroscience and social science’s “ladder of inference” can be shared with you in one sentence here. Simply put, your brain tricks you into thinking you have seen this before and you know what this is about. Guess what? You don’t know what is coming next, whether it is your brain seeing four red cars and subliminally telling you the next car will be red. Or whether your brain tells you that leaders are always better if they are tall white men even if you don’t know the person himself but in concept only. Or you do know the person and you dismiss their flaws and give unearned credibility to them due to concepts.

My point is, appearances can be deceptive. We are all made up of complex identities, no one is simple or one dimensional and we all have a gender (male is a gender too), ethnicity (maybe we need a new word as it implies white protestant as a benchmark baseline ), orientation (straight is an orientation too), nationality, work position, parent or not parent status, even golfer or not golfer status. Most of us, have had some affiliation to a legacy or current dominant group. We can go through life like that, easily. I had very little perspective for example of what it meant to be a Catholic growing up in Belfast as my class and religion meant I was never really stopped by army or police or had to deal with thugs and gangs and any resemblance of poverty. Bombs yes, they were everywhere and random, but the everyday drag and bias of being in the minority and less powerful group in my society, no. Yet, my mindset was one of scarcity, fear, paranoia and being aware to this day of the so-called “other”. I am not saying I am freed 100% from my sectarian constructs – maybe 99%, but I know that i see parallels in the USA with race and that is why I know for sure that people can take the diversity journey and grow. As Maya Angelou said, “when you know better, you do better.”

So, where do you start?

Step 1: Take the time to understand your values because values are espoused versions of your implicit beliefs. Chances are you are running the same old program that was handed to you in childhood via your direct environment, family structures, institutions such as school and church/temple/mosque, and the overall society you were born into and whatever norms that group had in play.

Step 2: Write out every construct you have been told such as “Trust is earned” or “X, y, z is the way it is”. What do you tell yourself when you are in varying situations as who to hire for the project, who to cut from the project, and who to promote? What do you tell yourself when you are stressed at work and having less than optimal interactions?

Challenge the and every single line by asking yourself simple questions such ‘Do I believe this, truly?’ or an advanced version of this could be ‘How else can I look at this?’ or ‘Is this still working for me now?’ and “how is this actually something that was given to me by my father/mother/granny, and is not actually how i feel at this time?”

If you would like to work with me as a coach on personal and professional growth and renewal, with real insights for you, about behaviors and the context of the operating system you are in. Please book a free exploratory time with me. Life is too short to carry outdated constructs around. Grow! Whether it is individual, or organizational change, it does not happen without awareness as the starting point.

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Tips on successful career networking

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Professional-networking-advice featured

Guest contributed by Avery Philips

Before you step foot in any networking event, it’s best to have some questions prepared to avoid those awkward moments of silence.

Ask these questions the next time you’re at a networking event to secure connections:

  • How did you hear about this event?
  • What’s your favorite thing about your job?
  • Have you always wanted to work in this field?
  • How can I help you?

These kinds of questions show your interest in the other person and allow for longer conversations. You can also learn something new and discover the kind of connections they have with other people. Finally, by offering your services to prospective business connections, they may offer their services in return.

Utilize Alumni Networks

As it turns out, a college education can provide a lot more than a degree and student debt. Alumni associations like Arizona State’s offer a wide variety of networking resources to help you advance in your career. Here’s are some best practices for alumni networking you can do:

  • Attend events that are open to alumni. Use these get-togethers to form in-person connections that can result in lasting relationships.
  • Volunteer at your alumni association. Getting involved shows your overall interest and your willingness to put in the effort to take advantage of these resources. It will also get you into contact with like-minded individuals who will remember you when opportunities arise.
  • When you get in touch, stay in touch. Plan coffee and lunch meetups to keep you fresh in business professionals’ minds. Don’t forget to email them as well and see what’s new with them.
Explore Other Networking Groups

Although the college you graduated from offers a wealth of networking resources, there are plenty of other networking outlets at your disposal. That way, networking can work for you instead of the other way around. Here are a few you should look into:

  • General Networking: There are many conferences all over that allow a variety of people to come together and network. Even if someone isn’t in your field, you can find different opportunities and new paths to take by networking with different kinds of people.
  • Seminars: Accomplish two things by signing up for a seminar. Not only will you get to learn new things, you’ll also be able to network with speakers and attendees. You never networkingknow who will come to these events, so it’s best to be observant and to talk to as many people as you can.
  • Social Media: Almost everyone is on social media, and they’re only one direct message away. Look for business professionals you think would be instrumental in your career and comment on their posts. Ask them questions about themselves and how they became successful. More likely than not, they’ll be more than happy to tell you.

Networking is a must if you want to be successful in your career. Who you know can be just as important as how well you do your job. By following these tips, your networking skills will be as stellar as your job performance, opening the doors to many job opportunities for you.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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Build Your Career by Optimal Networking

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

On the 20th June, theglasshammer.com will convene the top women in the asset management industry to talk about the opportunities and challenges that lie ahead, especially as it pertains to big data and technology.

We organize this peer breakfast so optimal networking can take place between women who run the money world, or least lots of assets that make the world turn.

Optimal networking in my opinion, is in a format that allows women to do serious business with each other. Qualified discussions with qualified people is key. Having a cocktail and making gestures to find common ground can be useful and certainly it does feel nice to have support by people who may be going through similar challenges but that is not the same as power networking. By going to events where people are interested in your skills and experience, you may be more effective in your connections, because if you can help someone solve their firm’s pain points, then there can be a follow up meeting and a process to see direct results. It is also good to know people as well for future meetings.

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Work-Life Integration…. Mixing Business and Pleasure Successfully

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By Chutisa BowmanProfessional-networking-advice featured

Why are some women executives able to mix business and pleasure more successfully than others? They do it because they are able to achieve better integration between work and the rest of their life. They function with the awareness that work and personal life are not competing priorities but complementary ones. In essence, they never lose sight of the fact that their personal lives have an impact on the way they approach their work.

Whether you have already reached the C-suite or are still working towards it, your ability to mix business and pleasure successfully is essential for personal effectiveness, peace of mind and success. Work-life integration is apparently a better choice, cognitively, than trying to balance between the two, according to research published in the journal Human Relations and the Harvard Business Review.

While the C-suite requires commitment, mixing business and pleasure should not be impossible. This is not about work life balance. It is about creating a life style that gives you whatever it is that you need in your professional and personal life. It’s about finding the combination of work and play, business and pleasure that works for you.  According to the Medical Daily, keeping work and life separate is not best for wellbeing and performance. The most successful executives are those who have an ability to achieve professional success without always having to sacrifice the things that matter in their personal lives.

So how do you know you have what it takes to mix business and pleasure successfully and achieve work-life integration? A good place to start is to acknowledge that work and personal life are not competing priorities but complementary ones. You must stop being fixated on balance. Instead, put your energy towards integrating what makes your heart sing, what’s fun for you and what you love to do, into your daily life.

Here are three things you can do to develop this ability:

Assess your current position. Looking at yourself as you really are and your life as it is now, is the first step in restructuring your life. To truly integrate work and life successfully, it is crucial to become aware of where you are functioning from, that is creating the life you currently have. The moment you take the initiative to become aware of your points of view, habits and behaviours, you are on the path to having true work-life integration.

So, first ask yourself these questions –

  • “Do you feel physically exhausted, mentally stagnant or find yourself without close relationships?”
  • “Do you react to everything, including things people say and to conditions outside your control?”
  • “Does everything become an emergency in your life?”
  • “Does your life feel chaotic, messy, topsy-turvy and has taken on an erratic flow?”
  • “Would you call yourself a workaholic?”

If you answer yes to any of these questions, your life and your work are probably out of conscious integration.

Clarify what is important and what will work for you. Do you know what you want to create as your life? What do you really want to create as your future? What are your priorities (business, work and personal)? It is super-essential to be clear about your personal interests and concerns—to identify where work falls in the spectrum of your overall priorities in life.

To mix business and pleasure successfully you must cut through the charade about priorities. Begin by making your work priorities crystal clear, and define them in terms of possibilities, priorities and in terms of outputs. Simultaneously, set the important priorities, concerns, and demands outside the office that require time and energy. The target is to have a clarity about both the business and your individual priorities and then to construct a plan for fulfilling all of them.

To know what will work for you, you need to take into consideration that life is constantly changing. The right mix for you today may not be the right mix for you tomorrow or next week or next month. Over time your priorities change. The one way to know you have an integrated work-life is the feeling of accomplishment, fun and happiness you enjoy every day.

Make a conscious choice and commit yourself to embrace work-life integration. To make a conscious choice to create a meaningful existence where enjoyment exists amongst all areas of your life, you have to make a demand of yourself: “No matter what it takes, no matter what it looks like, I am going down this path.” Be willing to be vulnerable and to stay open to the new, the unfamiliar, and the unknown.

Be open to all possibility and be willing to look at what you can do that will generate different possibilities. Choose to be ever aware and mindful, ready to shift strategy and tactics as the situation requires. Having this awareness will prioritize the activities necessary for success. Priorities make it easier to say no to distracting initiatives.

Chutisa Bowman is a Pragmatic Futurist, author and curator of Generative Woman Blog. She is best-known for her work in strategic awareness, benevolent capitalism, prosperity consciousness, Right Riches for You and conscious benevolent leadership. Right Riches for You is a speciality program of Access Consciousness.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily thhose of theglasshammer.com

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5 Questions to Ask At Every Networking Event

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Guest contributed by Jessica Thiefels

networking

Image via Shutterstock

People love talking about themselves, and this is key to making the most of your next networking event. Instead of talking about yourself, ask questions and listen intently. If you can get someone talking about their work, business and goals, that’s half the battle—and it makes you look good because it shows that you’re not in a hurry to ask for something.

Keep these questions in your back pocket for your next networking event.

How Did You Hear About This Event?

This may seem like a cliché icebreaker, but the arbitrary question gives you, and whoever you’re talking to, a jumping off point. After you’ve made your initial introductions, ask your fellow attendee how they know the host or heard about the event.

If he or she knows the host personally, they may be able to share an anecdote or give you some additional insight about the person or organization. If they learned about the event from a peer or social network, you can see if you’re in any of the same online groups or talk about common professional interests. “The hardest part is breaking the ice,” according to Loraine Burger from Smart Meetings. “Conversation will, for the most part, flow naturally after that first painstaking ‘hello.’”

What do you love about what you do?

This is a more open-ended version and a better conversation starter than the usual, “So, what do you do?” When you ask someone what he or she loves about their job or role, it gives them the opportunity to talk about their passions and talents. If you’re trying to transition into a new field or a similar line of work, you’ll get an interesting perspective on the work. If you already work in a similar field, it gives you new insight into what someone else loves about the profession.

You may find some common ground or you may discover a new perspective. Either way, this question will excite the person more than simply asking their title or role.

Did you always know you wanted to get into this field?

Everyone has their own unique story about how they came to be in their current position. This question gives you insight into the path this individual took to get where they are now. Maybe they always knew they wanted to be in business or marketing, or maybe they started in a different field and transitioned into their current role because of a colleague or mentor.

Whatever their story, the questions allows you to learn from someone else’s experience. “This gives your new contact a chance to tell a story and people love telling stories, especially when the story is about themselves,” advises Thomas Camarda, networking expert.

Listen to what he or she says, they may tell you about mistakes they made that lead to a career change or resources they used to improve job-related skills. You may be able to relate or you may get some fresh ideas you can use in your own career. Not everyone has a straight career trajectory, and you can learn from steps others have taken.

What did you do to set yourself apart from other candidates?

It’s no secret that the job market is competitive. With so many applicants for any given position, you either need to do something special to stand out or know someone who can help you. Whether you’re talking to someone in a similar position or someone more advanced in their career (where you’d like to be), this question can help you learn what tactics have worked for other people and what it takes to get ahead. If you’re lucky, you’ll learn strategies that you wouldn’t have thought of on your own.

What can I do for you?

Finally, rather than asking for a favor, provide your new connection with the opportunity for your help as the conversation is ending. “When first meeting someone you think could be helpful, offer your services first,” says Ted Rollins, global ecopreneur recognized by Inc. 500.

Rollins continues,

“Ask: What do you need help with right now? What do you see yourself needing the most support with in the future? Being authentic with connections. Always trying to provide greater value makes them more likely to do the same for you. This sets the foundation for a strong network that is instrumental for everyone involved.”

If you know, based on their answers to your questions that you can help in a specific way, offer that. I.E. “I’d love to introduce you to John Smith, he was just promoted to CFO at Business Emporium; I bet he’d have a lot of great insight for you.” This shows you listened to them, heard what they need, and are willing to provide a solution or help.

Whether you’re talking to a peer or someone in a higher position, remember to be sincere. Don’t come right out and ask for a job or favor. You’re building relationships that may be able to help you in the future, but your goal shouldn’t be personal gain at your initial meeting. In many cases, the most valuable advantages you can gain from a networking relationship are insight and knowledge. Try these questions at your next event. You may find that they help the conversation flow more freely and make it easier to develop lasting professional relationships.

BIO: Jessica Thiefels has been writing for more than 10 years and is currently a full-time writer, content marketing consultant and business owner. She’s been featured in Forbes and Business Insider and has written for Manta, LeadPages, Salesforce and more. Follow her on Twitter @Jlsander07 and connect LinkedIn.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions of Guest contributors are not necessarily those of the glasshammer.com

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Should You Say No to Networking?

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Guest Contributed by Kelly Hoey

Networking

Image via Shutterstock

Warren Buffett and Bill Gates attributed their success to one factor. According to Buffett biographer Alice Schroeder, in 1991 when Bill Gates’ dad asked Buffett and Gates what the most important factor for their success was, they both gave the same answer, “FOCUS.”
 
Focus always comes before success.
 
Steve Jobs, no slouch in the success department himself, said that
“it’s only by saying No that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” 
 
Success is not possible without a clear focus on what matters most and the ability to concentrate your energy, thought and capital. In other words, a key to success is learning to say NO. No to personal and professional invites, business networking events, conferences, industry get-togethers, meetups. All the things you instinctively want to say yes to. I know it’s hard to say no – you feel guilty, you don’t want to disrespect the host, you want to look like a team player, you feel like you’ll miss out on something interesting or you’re afraid that if you say NO you’ll never be invited again.
 
But here’s the key: Ask yourself if that event you’re thinking about attending today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow. By staying focused on where you’re headed, you’ll be able to figure out whether saying no will get you further ahead or is simply an excuse that’s holding you back.
 
2015 was my year of no. I said no to pretty much everything as I was singularly focused on getting a book deal. This project needed my undivided attention, so no it was. I needed to focus and didn’t want distractions. Did I miss opportunities? Maybe. But saying no at this juncture of my career was the right thing to do. That has not always been the case. Saying no at other points in my career would have been a career-killer.
 
When entrepreneur Rachel Hofstetter was growing her business, she knew the strength of her network was dependent on her selectively and strategically saying yes. Rachel founded Guesterly (acquired in 2015 by photo-book subscription service Chatbooks) an on-line service which extends the warm hand of the host by connecting guests before a big event.
 
She focused her networking efforts by keeping both long-term and shorter-term goals in mind. When she was getting ready to raise investment money, Rachel prioritised attending investor and start-up-focused events. When she moved to a new city, she found herself attending every type of event she could, in order to meet people. Expanding her network was why she accepted every invitation and checked out every event, rather than turning them down. When she launched Guesterly into the wedding market (an industry where she previously knew no one), she attended every wedding-industry-related event she could find, in order to figure out exactly where she needed to focus her networking efforts.
 
At this point in her career, she knew not to say no. She knew that her network mattered just as much as the quality of her work. If someone asked if she wanted to head to happy hour- yes. Grab a group lunch? Yes. Those people moved around jobs and industries and that network made introductions that led her somewhere amazing.
 
So, yes, there are networking opportunities you should never say no to, especially in the workplace. Universally saying you will never attend networking events at work is—not to be too dramatic here—career suicide. Never say no to opportunities to get to know your peers and colleagues.
 
Job pressures and competition keep too many of us in our cubicles from the moment we step off the elevator to the minute we run out the door. One Wall Street investment banker I knew regularly ordered in pizza for his group, as a way to bring the team together. This was no “free” lunch: pizza was ordered (and he happily paid for it each week) on the condition that no one could eat alone. It doesn’t take much to break down communication barriers and build team rapport. In twenty minutes you can accomplish more than consuming a slice or two of pizza— you can build relationships.
 
You need to be strategic and sometimes rather selective in which work-related networking events you choose to attend, but don’t apply a universal no to opportunities to share your knowledge with colleagues beyond the radius of your cubicle, or to being further informed of developments in your chosen profession.
 
There are many, many, many ways to limit your career opportunities; take “no to networking” off that list.
 
Disclaimer: The opinions and views of our Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com
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Forming and Keeping Women’s Initiative Programs: Tips from the Trenches

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Image via Shutterstock

Image via Shutterstock

You know we have to focus on a problem when the number of men and women starting off in law firms is 50/50 but then women are only at a 22% partnership level,” Shira Nadich Levin, partner at Cooley LLP alerted a special seminar of the Legal Marketing Association’s Metro New York chapter dedicated to developing business for female lawyers.

The solution? Some suggest that a Women’s Initiative can go a long way in helping solve this issue.

But how do you start one and, harder still, how do you keep it going? Here are some anecdotes from the event that hold true all year around.

Ms. Levin, who chairs Cooley’s Women’s Initiative, along with Julie Cohen, Marketing Director at Sidley Austin LLP; and Tracy Fink, Director of CohnReznick’s Executive Women’s Forum (EWF) offered their advice and experiences to an audience in position to effect change – business development leaders at many of the top law firms. Their top tips included:

Tip #1 Start with a clear mission and stick with it. “We plan meaningful events and experiences that create value to those who attend,” said Ms. Fink about the mission of the Executive Women’s Forum, which she created as a business development initiative for CohnReznick, the accounting firm where she was in a marketing director role.
Ms. Fink formed the EWF a little less than a decade ago, when women’s initiatives were not as prevalent as they are now. Women were struggling with balancing their lives and “we didn’t have Millennials who were very vocal about the workplace.” The Forum has since become a huge success, aligning with the strategic goals of each office, including bringing in business, enhancing the firm’s brand, and creating a haven for female employees and clients to develop and deepen relationships.

Tip #2 Be flexible and listen to your members. Ms. Fink envisioned that the Forum would offer events on substantive issues. What she found is that “women came and said, ‘we want to talk about what really matters in our lives.’” So, programs today are an eclectic mix of business and life skills, such as the power of kindness, mindfulness in the workplace, and a women’s golf event. “Through the EWF, we’ve introduced more than 350 women to golf,” she stated.

Tip #3 Think of events that allow members to “loosen up.” One particularly successful event that Ms. Cohen hosted for her group at Sidley featured a female poker expert who taught the group how to play poker and use poker skills to present themselves to clients and peers. “We had more than 150 people. The women were letting their guard down, and they used the time to connect with clients,” she related. The program received such great feedback that the group did a follow-up event a few months later for an “open play” poker session that attracted even more attendees.

Tip #4 If a program doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to tweak it. Cooley’s Women’s Initiative replaced their traditional mentoring program with what it calls “connection circles.” They firm came up with this, explained Ms. Levin, when the members realized a strict mentoring program that paired mentors to mentees was not effective enough and required constant follow-up with each mentor to make sure the system was working. The firm instead created groups of eight to 11 female members at various levels who get together informally. “We even planned somebody’s wedding at our last gathering,” she joked. But these gatherings enable the members to form much better connections than one-on-one pairings.

Tip # 5 Seek creative solutions to members’ problems. The Cooley’s Women’s Initiative created the liaison program as another way to improve life at the office for women attorneys. This program came about in a year when several young women happened to take maternity leave at the same time. When they returned, the women all felt that their re-entry was not really noticed. The firm, as a result, now assigns a liaison to each woman on leave to keep in touch during her leave and help with issues upon her return. “It has made a complete difference with little effort,” Ms. Levin reported.

Tip # 6 Pay no heed to the naysayers. All three panelists cited the usual resistance from within the firm: why should there be a group just for women? “Because,” said Ms. Fink, “when women succeed, everyone wins.” In a professional world where clients expect diversity from their law firms, “creating that culture is important,” said Ms. Cohen. “There’s no shortage of information on the business case for diversity,” Ms. Levin added.

“Creating a committee won’t solve all your problems,” stated Ms. Cohen, “but you can empower women to go up to the men who meet on their own and say ‘I’d like to join you next time.’”
Rosemarie Yu is Principal of Yu Communications, a New York-based communications consultancy specializing in professional services. She can be reached at ryu@yucommunications.com

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