Tag Archive for: self-care

Being a Professional Woman: Managing Stress and Avoiding Burnout (Holiday Edition)

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leadership coachIt is the end of November, and we are closing out the year thankful the U.S. election cycle has wrapped, yet still reeling from natural disasters, several wars, and mind-bending news regarding sex trafficking allegations from rap music to US politics. Here in the U.S., it’s Thanksgiving—a holiday that can be joyful for some, somber for those mourning the loss of loved ones, and stressful, especially for professional women juggling hosting and cooking responsibilities.

With only so many hours in the day, being a professional woman in the sandwich generation—juggling the care of both children and aging parents—is undoubtedly one of the most challenging roles in today’s society. Balancing the demands of a career with the responsibilities of raising children and providing for elderly parents can lead to overwhelming stress, fatigue, and even parental or professional burnout. Women burn out at a higher rate than men due to many societal and organizational factors – including “broken rung” issues whereby women still get paid and promoted less than male counterparts during the entire span of their careers. After almost twenty years of exploring extrinsic elements and cultural enablers and disablers for advancing women at work, we can conclude that progress is mixed at best. This article, instead, focuses on how to thrive—rather than merely survive—the onslaught of the holidays as we can reflect on progress during the annual Year-End Review.

Prioritizing Self-Care

One of the most important things to remember is that taking care of yourself is not selfish — it’s essential. Nutrition and exercise are long term strategies as we know that you cannot pour from an empty cup. When you prioritize self-care, you are better able to care for your family and meet the demands of your career. We have all heard the ways to practice self-care which can include scheduling “me time” such as walks, baths, massages and anything that falls into the recharge category. This can be a little boost and certainly worth doing while also understanding that these “fixes” are temporary and usually short lived. Think of it as an “app” – it is great to use apps, and they can be helpful, but looking at the operating system and seeing what needs to change in how you approach your life generally, is really key to getting the longer-term support and rejuvenation you might be seeking.

Without sounding trite, maintaining a balanced diet is a crucial part of self-care—but anyone managing a busy schedule knows how challenging it can be when you’re constantly on the go. Right now, my children are outside my office door, and I will be required to stop typing and rattle some pans soon- sound familiar? Be aware of prepared meal services as they are an under-regulated industry and often high in sodium and other hidden unhealthy or even toxic ingredients. Physical activity is a proven stress buster. Somatic exercises that involve shaking can clear stress and trauma. Even a short daily walk can help clear your mind and boost your mood while building you bones and heart health for decades to come. Exercise also helps sleep and along with some new habits regarding phone and screen boundaries, you could feel the benefit of this change before 2025 even begins. Look for the wins. Social support, journaling and breathing all has been reported and researched as useful.

Setting Boundaries — At Home and at Work

As a working mom, one of the hardest things to do is say no. You may feel guilty about not being able to do everything for everyone, but learning how to set healthy boundaries is essential to avoiding burnout at work and home. If possible, communicate your needs for flexibility and remote work. However, be aware that in organizations lacking trust and supportive cultures, such requests may be met with resistance or even penalties. Assess your work environment carefully and understand your manager’s approach before addressing these needs. Despite news saying otherwise, only 33% of companies are requiring a full return to office with pundits indicating this could rise to 50% by the end of 2025. Hybrid is here to stay it seems. This is a fraught topic with more and more (white male) CEO’s mandating face time back in offices.

Even with remote work, the workload itself can feel like an impossible mountain on a daily basis. Organization and productivity hacks can be helpful in managing these demands. Dan Martell’s book Buy Back Your Time introduces the DRIP matrix, a tool that helps you identify not only what to delegate, but also what you can “replace” yourself on—tasks that seemingly only you can do. The deciding criteria for evaluation for keeping a task or hiring someone to do it is simply posing the question to yourself: ‘does this activity have high impact (production quadrant) and light you up?’

Not everything needs to be done today. Prioritize your most important tasks and break them into smaller, more manageable chunks. Recognize that it’s okay to let some things go or to reschedule less urgent matters. Use an Eisenhower matrix or a similar tool to help you parse the strategic from the important and the important from the urgent but not crucial. Play with time—it is a commodity that you can trade.

The same goes at home. If possible, divide household responsibilities among your partner, children, and even extended family members. Don’t shoulder all the caregiving alone. Your partner may not know what you need unless you clearly communicate it.  Other tactics include using outside help—if it’s feasible, consider hiring help for household chores, childcare, or even caring for your aging parent. If this isn’t in your budget, explore community resources or family support to lighten the load. Try to remember to ask for help. Eve Rodsky is really the most enjoyable author to turn to regarding “Fair Play” and she has a podcast and even a set of cards to use as a practical tool with your spouse. Early holiday gift? The mental load is real and even happens in LGBTQ families.

Give Yourself Grace

Over the holiday, leave the dishes for a while and see if others step in. Spend time with your children or elderly parents doing mostly things you enjoy. Laughing together, playing games, and sharing meaningful moments can help replenish your emotional reserves.

Being a working mother in the sandwich generation is undoubtedly challenging, as is being a professional woman without kids as the constant to-do list is there always. By setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, practicing time management, and seeking support when needed, you can manage the stress and responsibilities that come with your multiple roles. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Embrace strategies that work for you and allow yourself grace as you navigate the balancing act of family, work, and caregiving. Taking care of yourself isn’t just important — it’s essential for your long-term well-being and the well-being of those you care for. We need a better system but, in the meantime, let’s win where we can?

Happy Holidays from theglasshammer team.

Nicki Gilmour is the Founder and CEO of theglasshammer and is a coach and organizational development expert. We have several vetted qualified coaches specializing in different areas from career navigation to leadership development- please click here to book a time to speak if you are an HR professional looking to hire us for leadership development or a professional woman looking for a career coach proactively, we work with varying levels from VP to SVP/ C- suite.

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Four Reasons Leaders Need to Look After their Well-being

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leadership and well-beingLeaders tend to feel more pressure than most to work long hours and sacrifice their well-being. For some, this is in hopes of inspiring team members to work hard, and for others, it’s simply due to a desire to reach and exceed goals.

Many professional women often feel additional pressure to prove themselves hardworking, especially when leading in male-dominated industries. However, problems can arise when we overwork ourselves so much that our well-being suffers and the ability to lead effectively diminishes with it.

Here are four important reasons leaders need to protect, not sacrifice, their well-being.

Rest is essential for protecting mental and physical well-being

Good quality sleep is essential for maintaining physical and mental health. Sleep deprivation can inhibit cognitive function, meaning that you can’t perform at your best when you’re tired. Plus, chronic sleep deprivation can lead to depression, anxiety, and stress, all of which can affect work.

Stress is both a cause and symptom of poor sleep, so it’s common to become stuck in a cycle of stress leading to insomnia, leading to further stress, and so on. This cycle can only be stopped when you consciously adopt a healthy sleep hygiene routine and incorporate positive stress management tactics into your day.

Work is a leading cause of stress and subsequent sleep problems, with around 80% of workers in the USA experiencing work-related stress. Those in leadership positions are particularly susceptible to excess stress because they carry more responsibility and are ultimately accountable for their team’s work.

Make sure you put firm limits on your working hours and avoid working late into the night to give yourself time to switch off from work. Many leaders find it helpful to gently unwind before bed by doing gentle exercise, meditating, journaling, taking a bath or reading a book. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day can also help your body find its natural sleep rhythm, meaning you’ll find it easier to fall asleep.

Self-care habits can support productive routines

When you schedule self-care habits into your daily routine, you’re likely to become more productive overall. Our minds can become overwhelmed with lists, tasks, and issues, which may make us reluctant to make time to exercise, indulge in a creative hobby, or prepare a healthy meal.

However, it’s important to take regular breaks from work and allow yourself the time to write down all your to-do’s, make a plan, and take a moment to breathe. Prioritizing self-care is essential for alleviating stress, and when you schedule specific self-care activities in your breaks, you’re less likely to skip them.

Many self-care habits help you to refresh your mind and return to work with greater focus. For example, art and craft activities boost dopamine levels, which aids the creation of neurons in order to promote focus and aid productivity. It might sound counterintuitive, but working less could help you to achieve more if you replace work with activities that nourish your well-being.

Protecting well-being prevents burnout

Burnout is a state of physical and emotional exhaustion that occurs after a long period of chronic stress. It affects focus and productivity, and it tends to generate an uncharacteristic sense of apathy toward work. When someone feels burned out, they can’t function professionally to their full capacity. If they continue to push themselves at work despite experiencing burnout, they run the risk of developing depression or anxiety.

Burnout seems to affect women more than men, especially for those in managerial and leadership positions. A 2021 study found that 49% of women in senior leadership roles reported feeling burned out, as opposed to only 38% of men in similar jobs. This means it’s particularly important for professional women to protect their well-being and create clear boundaries between their work and their personal lives.

Modeling healthy habits inspires team members

A workforce with good physical and mental well-being is likely to be more productive and require fewer sick days than a workforce that is stressed and physically unhealthy. As a leader, it’s your job to support your employees’ well-being to ensure your team operates to its full potential. By prioritizing your self-care, you can lead by example and encourage your team members to look after themselves, too.

Good leaders inspire their teams, and although it’s important to inspire hard work, there’s a fine line between hard work and overwork. If a leader works incredibly long hours with few breaks, their team members might feel pressure to do the same – despite the damage, this can do to their mental health and well-being.

When you encourage a healthy work-life balance and create a culture of self-care in your workplace, you help your team feel inspired to look after their own health, making them more able to perform at their best.

Prioritize your wellbeing to become a better leader

When you take care of your physical and emotional well-being, not only do you protect your ability to lead successfully but you also become a better, more effective leader. Make sure you get plenty of rest and stack up your healthy self-care habits to lead your team to great heights of success.

By: Lucy Ranger is a business development executive who has acquired more than 15 years of experience in the industry. Away from her remote office, Lucy is passionate about sustainability, and regularly volunteers in her local community to help with various clean-up projects and initiatives.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Why Choose A Women’s Retreat Instead of A Summer Vacation?

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women's retreatAs we enter spring, summer vacation is approaching. While sometimes a vacation is the perfect break from daily life, other times it may feel like a too short escape. Sometimes, as women, we don’t wish only to take a week away from our lives. Sometimes we want to take a deeper look at how we are feeling in our lives and what belongs here, now? 

Once in a while, a woman admits she skipped the annual girlfriends cocktails on the beach trip or perhaps gifted herself a rare week away alone because she knew she was being called to do something else. That voice came from nowhere but within. Rather than a break, sometimes women want to put the brakes on everything, step back and connect: This is my life: how awake am I to the living of it?

Sometimes we want to listen into our own center with less noise around. We want to take an honest look at whether we are allowing ourselves to feel what we truly feel, be who we want to be and do what we most want to do – and how we, ourselves, might be getting in our way. We want to see if we have fallen into getting by in life instead of enchanting our lives. We want to reimagine our possibilities and shift, within ourselves, to be more intentionally in alignment with our desires.

When women choose a women’s retreat, it’s often because they are confronting a crossroads or seek soul nourishiment or simply a fuller sense of aliveness. Which also means they want an experience of life that is nourished from within rather than defined by constant striving. While often held in an idyllic location with exceptional scenery, the real invitation of a women’s retreat is as much to the inner journey as it is to the travel adventure.

Debating about summer plans?

Here are some reasons why you might choose a women’s retreat this year instead of just the usual summer vacation.

You will release stress and be nurtured. Even short mindfulness retreats have shown a significant reduction in stress and anxiety levels and improved biological markers of inflammation. Going on retreat is a way to strip away the distractions and allow yourself to simply be nourished – by your host, by the warmth and sharing of your fellow participants, by the rich offerings of your surroundings. But not only that – you again remember how to truly nourish yourself while on retreat and the importance of that, and not just for a week.

You can disrupt your routine and thought patterns. We typically think at least 6,000 thoughts a day (some say far more) and up to 90% of thoughts are repetitive. Talk about exhausting! At a retreat, you release control of the small decisions and surrender into a different and foreign rhythm. Why does that matter? It disrupts and shakes up your repetitive thought patterns and creates spaciousness in which you can hear other voices within. It’s amazing how the questions and also being-ness that lie buried just under the busy-ness begin to surface.

You will get back into your body and intuition. We live so predominantly in our minds in the modern world and even more so as faces on screens in the virtual workplace. And how much of achievement culture is based on striving and producing at all costs, even if overriding the physical self? Have your ever actually, even once, crossed off the entire to-do list and finally got to the landing? You have to create it for yourself, regardless. A retreat invites you to get back into your body. Whether through breathing or meditation or yoga or free movement, you are given the opportunity to connect with your body and the rich and embodied insight that lives in your cellular awareness.

You will step out of your roles. We play many roles in our lives, but sometimes, we can get so enmeshed with them that the roles start to parade around as us. A role includes any ‘part’ you play from which you derive value, worth or a sense of identity – both the roles that you love (chief executive, favorite grandmother) and roles that you don’t (undervalued team member, sleepless mom of a difficult child). No matter the role, no matter who assigned it to you, no matter what you’ve made it mean and no matter how much your identity may be wrapped up in it, every role is too small. Sometimes we derive our worth from the roles we play and the scripts we’ve created, displacing it from our core. We can also victimize or aggrandize ourselves through roles. Stepping out of them challenges you to value yourself inherently.

You will be seen, heard and validated. Small talk comprises up to one-third of our speech, and plays an important role in social interaction. But women do not come to a retreat to have the usual conversation. A retreat circle is a circle of women who usually did not know each other previously: it can provide a place without history. No blueprint of your identity exists here. Women often come to shake up the conversation they have with themselves. And sometimes, all it takes is being heard saying something you thought you could not, so you can finally clear your throat and let your voice come through. You are invited to be raw and authentic and unresolved. In a women’s retreat, women come together with the intention to honor and support each other – but in doing so, we also redefine what that means.

You can expect some perspective shifts. Of course, putting yourself in new and often incredible surroundings can refresh your perspective. But, if you dare, expect more. Whether we want to face it, there is no one consensus reality. Our experience of life emerges through our practices of perception. In the context of a women’s retreat, you may be able to see where you are buying into beliefs about yourself and the world that have never worked for you. You may be able to see where you are inhibiting yourself with the patterns or false virtues or committing to things you don’t want to with regular reinforcing action, instead of what you want. What if you’ve played down the part of you that would benefit you most to play up? You may recognize that you are sitting in victimhood where it would feel so much more empowering to recognize your agency and your choice. What if the world and your options are not nearly as limited as you have been determined to see them?

You may feel a rush of life force or have new visions. In a women’s retreat, you are invited to remember that being self-loving is how you fill your own cup, so that you can spill over. As you begin to pour into yourself on retreat, with less going on externally to take up space within you, do not be surprised if you begin to feel like you are accessing more of yourself. You may find more to be grateful for. You may remember a vivid energy or quality about yourself that you’ve forgotten and now want to bring back. Or a new way you want to share from your heart. You may realize you have enough resource and energy to make real steps, first within, towards a change you wish for. You may simply feel more at peace and able to be less shaken by the chaos outside of you. But it would be very rare if you thought and felt exactly the same as you did arriving.

Which is the main point, really. So, the biggest reason to skip the traditional summer vacation and go on a women’s retreat this year? What animates you most in life is living into and showing up for this adventure of you.

By: Aimee Hansen – Our “Heart” coach, interviewer, and lead writer – is a women’s retreat creator and facilitator. The Journey Into Sacred Expression writing and yoga women’s retreats on Lake Atitlan in Guatemala are recommended in Lonely Planet Wellness Escapes and have been praised by the nearly 200 women who have gathered with her. Circle with women underneath volcanoes to write, meditate, do yoga, move and participate in various sessions. She has two summer events in 2023: July 7-15 and Aug 25 – Sept 2. Each has 12 spaces only.

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Shattering the Glass Ceiling Is Great But Why Are We Ignoring the Fallout?

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shattering the glass ceiling Shattering a glass ceiling has become synonymous with success for the working woman. Many individuals, groups and even some organizations dedicate energy, attention and resources to helping women do exactly that. But what happens when these women finally do break through the glass ceiling? What comes next?

Anyone who has ever had the surprise of dropping a glass cup or bowl knows that shattering the glass is only the beginning. React too quickly or carelessly and someone ends up with a cut or, worse, in the E.R. for stitches. Yet we aren’t reacting with the same care and caution for women who shatter the glass ceiling only to be left bearing the weight of the damage.

We expect the struggle to be over when a woman breaks through a glass ceiling but even when it looks positive on the outside, the fallout from breaking through continues to perpetuate harm. Even when women reach the proverbial top, many aren’t psychologically safe, which can lead to more damage and harm.

We see this as evidenced by an increased lack of inclusion and belonging often coming from both the team they have left and the new team they’ve just entered. Health and wellness suffer. Feelings of isolation and loneliness increase while the pressure to perform increases. Despite their achievement, they are still expected to work twice as hard to keep their new status and prove they deserve that status to the people who aren’t used to seeing a woman at the top.

The implications of leaving this reality unchecked are too high—it’s time to expand our care for women in the workplace to include those at the top of their teams, departments and organizations.

1. Acknowledge the harm.

Most women who shatter the glass ceiling have had an arduous journey. Acknowledging what they likely went through due to systemic injustices is a great way to show “I hear you and I see you.” This helps build the trust required to provide additional care for the aftermath of their journey.

2. Provide a mentor.

The journey does not stop once a woman gets into their first leadership role or rises in the ranks. It will be important that women are intentionally matched with those who can support and sponsor them as they heal and settle into their new roles.

3. Amplify women’s voices.

It’s critical that when a woman enters a new team, their voice is welcomed and valued. One great way to welcome any new team member is to prompt them for their feedback and opinions in meetings first. This will allow them to genuinely share their perspectives without feeling they must agree with others.

4. Applaud women publicly.

As important as amplifying a woman’s voice is celebrating their voice. When a woman comes up with an innovative solution to a long-standing problem or gives an amazing presentation, give credit where it’s due. Often women’s accomplishments are not uplifted or celebrated. Worse, their credit may be taken by someone who is more vocal. Applauding women is not limited to when they are in the room; coworkers should be as willing to provide credit when they are not around.

5. Check in.

This may be the simplest yet most important of the actions. Once a woman “makes it,” it’s often assumed that she will no longer face the problems that other women face early in their careers. Unfortunately, it can be just as hard at the top, and support from a supervisor will be an essential part of feeling a sense of inclusion and belonging. This support can look like scheduling quarterly career conversations outside of performance reviews, scheduling a lunch with the sole goal of getting to know the woman better and asking about how the employee would like to receive feedback and respecting that preference when possible.

6. Advocate for equitable resources.

Individual efforts like the above are great and they help, but we also need to advocate for company policies that support women after they shatter a glass ceiling. These policies include complementary safety measures that not only encourage women to grow and advance in the workplace but also guarantee continued protection and care as they move along their career path. Measures like mental health and pregnancy support for women pre and post promotion can help ensure that women and those in underrepresented groups safely reach their leadership destinations whether they’re working toward a C-Suite or the White House.

The harm many women experience after shattering the glass ceiling is not something we can ignore. Progress has not kept pace with changing demographics, and we are still seeing too many instances of women being in a role for the first time, especially those in underrepresented groups.

Women need our help now. It is not enough to fix this problem for future generations or plan to have a solution in the next 30 years. Whether you are in a leadership role or not, we all have a responsibility to ensure that women are celebrated, not just tolerated, and given equal opportunity to learn, grow and thrive. It’s not enough for a woman to be invited to a room to sit at the table; their voice needs to be heard and valued even after they shatter the glass ceiling.

By: Antoinetta Mosley is the CEO and Principal Leader at I Follow the Leader LLC, a strategic consulting firm specializing in diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) strategy, initiatives, and education. As a Certified Diversity Professional (CDP), Antoinetta has worked on a range of projects for organizations of all sizes, including small to global nonprofits as well as Fortune 500 companies and travels the country as a sought-after speaker on DEI, courageous conversations, and belonging in the workplace. She teaches DEI for Arlan Hamilton’s Arlan’s Academy, has been featured in The New York Times.

The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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Personal Transformation in 2022: What are You Harmonizing With?

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transformationThe transformational story of caterpillar to winged butterfly has arguably become an overused and often abused analogy for rebirth. Yet, the crux of the journey is neither the caterpillar nor the butterfly, but the dissolution and uncertainty in the void of the chrysalis.

The messy process of transformation, the surrender of what has been for what will come, both terrifies and excites us. As humans, we face uncertainty in the transformation journey many times in our cycles of personal growth.

It is partially the willingness to go the liminal place of uncertainty that determines our capacity for personal evolution.

We also face a challenging matter the caterpillar does not: how resistant the human ego can be when it comes to letting go of who we have perceived ourselves to be, and the worth and value we have attached to it.

Separate Your Worth From Your Roles

Identity, according to Psychology Today, “encompasses the memories, experiences, relationships, and values that create one’s sense of self.”

In her book Warrior Goddess Training: Become the Woman You Are Meant to Be, Heather Ash Amara speaks to how we often attach value or self-worth to the roles we play within our lives. Any role that we identify with, no matter how valuable it may be to our sense of self, also becomes a too narrow script to ultimately live in.

A role can range anything from a “loving mother” to a “successful executive” to a “good friend” to a “resilient entrepreneur.”

We tend to have a script for every role we play, one that was often written before us. How you perceive yourself and how others perceive you can become a trap. Being stuck to being something you have been proud to identify with can be as much of a cage as being boxed into a role that you never asked for, if you have to keep acting out the script of that role to feel worthiness.

If you’ve attached to the image of being a world traveler, you might buy a ticket when you truly crave a home. You may not even be able to admit to yourself that you crave a home. If you’re attached to being a loving mother, perhaps your script does not include taking the personal break you really need. If you’ve attached your worth to being a good friend, you may have written yourself into a contract of being available more than what is now kind to you.

In order to be free to move authentically in our lives between roles, to both redefine who we are and to expand, we must be able to release ourselves from any script we’ve attached our worth and value to.

So take stock of the roles you are playing:

  • What roles have you currently attached some sense of worth or value to?
  • What is the script you have defined for each?
  • What worth do you derive from playing these roles?

When it comes to change, we have to be willing to question where we have displaced our sense of worth. We rather come to source it from our inherent selves and sometimes tear up or simply re-envision our scripts to fit who we are now.

As Brené Brown often speaks to, we have to stop hustling for our worthiness, which ultimately comes from shame and fear we are not enough. We must realize, as Meggan Watterson writes, “Worth is not given, it’s claimed.”

From a place of knowing our inherent worth, we give ourselves permission to shed who we have been without losing our sense of value in the world, and more importantly, our connection to ourselves.

Harmonize To Where You Want To Be

Inside of personal change, there is often a time of dissolution between a previous reality and the one that you are moving towards. And while you might not be able to see it, you can still harmonize towards where your inner awareness is taking you.

Imaginal cells are like the blank slate of the becoming inside the chrysalis. The caterpillar is gone. Possibility exists. At first, imaginal cells operate like disconnected islands and appear to be a threat to the organism. It is only once enough imaginal cells begin to vibrate at the intrinsic tune of butterfly and communicate with each other that they reach the tipping point of collectively becoming the butterfly.

Often, a time of transformation does involve re-imagining our lives. It’s not only new outcomes we might envision, but begins with our beliefs about ourselves, others and how the world works, as these are often shaping the reality we are operating within. If all the cells still vibrated at caterpillar, the change would never occur.

As Joe Dispenza writes in Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, “a state of being means we have become familiar with a mental-emotional state, a way of thinking and a way of feeling, which has become an integral part of our self-identity.”

Just as with roles, the truth is that we can derive worth and value and reward from our limiting beliefs about ourselves and the world, even if that value is the ability to stay comfortable inside of our limitations. We must not only be able to see the pattern, but desire to evolve, by actively challenging the more well-oiled perceptual pathways within so that we shift to and harmonize at a new level. As we begin to do this, we notice change begins to happen.

In her book How To Do The Work, Dr. Nicole LePera, also known as “The Holistic Psychologist”, shares her writing practice of leaning into growth through her Future Self Journaling prompts she used to ground new experiences in her body.

For the new experience she wishes to cultivate (eg restoring balance to her nervous system), LePera writes what she is practicing today, why she is grateful to be practicing it, what she is doing, how will she know when she is doing it and what the change will allow her to feel.

This journaling practice is a way to resonate more with the woman she is becoming and with the balanced nervous system she wishes to cultivate. Often we need to practice not only thinking in the direction we are moving, but feeling into it. This act of attention is infusing the conversations happening within the cells with a new way of being within the body.

Even when we don’t know our next big landing place, we can often feel the internal pull to evolve from within even as we must overcome ourselves, just as the being in the chrysalis must release the caterpillar to the open possibility of the imagination of cells.

Are you able to release yourself from the bounds of roles in which you have previously cast your worth? Are you able to harmonize more of your feelings and thoughts and actions with the being you can feel you are becoming?

In the uncertainty of the chrysalis and transition within a human life, this may look like nothing. But little by little, these small practices become the change.

By Aimee Hansen

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Three Ways to Move Into The Self-Care of Thriving

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Self-CareAs we hit the midpoint of the year and get into summer, let’s take a break from going through the motions to re-evaluate and practice self-care: what do you need to do for yourself to restore and regenerate?

Too much of self-care talk focuses on topping up the energy you have depleted so you can survive the daily grind. Self-care is not really about getting by, but committing to yourself and your authenticity so you can thrive.

Prioritizing self-care is about restoring your energy and your connection within, so that life becomes more energy-generative.

Here are three ways to practice self-care so you can feel more alive in your skin:

1. Get Back Into Relationship With Your Body

How often have you overrode your body’s messages – be it forgoing rest, healthy food or physical activity – while striving to do everything else that seemed ‘more important’? Women are especially prone to burnout at work and the long hours game has a disproportionally damaging effect on women’s health.

Overvaluing the mental urge towards productivity while disconnecting from our physical bodies moves us away from health and the feminine wisdom of our bodies. When you lose intimacy with your body, you lose the ability to access gut feelings, intuition and valuable emotional guidance.

As Stephen Covey would put it in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, you also make the mistake of prioritizing production at the expense of nurturing your production capability, which is only good for short-terms external wins but ultimately exhausts your ability to show up, especially for yourself.

This summer, really get into your body. Not just as a means to another end, such as running off the stress or shedding pounds. And don’t just recharge your body: you were not born to be a battery. Moving your body is not the same as being in a listening relationship with your body. Instead, re-attune to your body. Restore the connection with self, starting here.

Consider a yin yoga class, a restorative yoga class or perhaps 5 rhythms dance. Or let the sun pour in through your skin for twenty minutes. Do something new or slow or fast that brings your awareness back to the simplicity of your ‘being’ and the innate guidance of your body.

Your ‘doing’ will only benefit from bringing it into balance with your ‘being.’

2. Experience “Immersive” Time

“We wake up in the morning and we say, ‘I didn’t get enough sleep.’ And we hit the pillow saying, ‘I didn’t get enough done,’” says Brené Brown.

We conduct our busy work lives in linear time, which helps gives rise to the cultural narrative of scarcity, and the persistent feeling that you can never do enough. But the one-way march of time is just one left-brained frame for experience where we often end up “hustling for our worth,” as Brown puts it.

The seasons of nature and the physiology of the female reproductive body reveal the right-brained frame of cyclical time. What psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes as a state of Flow and the Greeks called kairos is yet another experience of time that is alive, creative, connected and synergistic.

“Chronos is clocks, deadlines, watches, calendars, agendas, planners, schedules, beepers…Kairos is transcendence, infinity, reverence, joy, passion, love, the Sacred… We exist in chronos. We long for kairos. That’s our duality,” writes Sarah Ban Breathnach, in her NYT bestseller Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. “Chronos requires speed so that it won’t be wasted. Kairos requires space so that it might be savored. We do in chronos. In kairos we’re allowed to be. It takes only a moment to cross over from chronos into kairos, but it does take a moment. All that kairos asks is our willingness to stop running long enough to hear the music of the spheres.”

This summer, drop into immersive time more often. A key quality is that the experience of presence and participation themselves are the reward of this time, not the result.

Perhaps it’s getting lost in adventures with your family or a deep conversation. Perhaps it’s a long walk or drive in nature. Reading a book. Cooking a homemade meal. Dancing or painting or writing or meditation or playing an instrument. Whatever activity makes you forget both yourself and the world because you are so inside of it, that’s the gold.

In a feminine sense of creativity, we do not forgo self-care in order to labor ‘at all costs’ for what is, relative to our health, an abstract outcome. We value and care for ourselves throughout the process as the experience is the creation. Tapping into immersive time increase your well-being, your creativity and your productivity, too.

3. Rediscover How To Use Your “No”

Halfway through the year is a good time to step back and ask where your time and energy is going and whether it’s adding up to create fulfilling meaning for you, rather than just ticking off your list or other’s needs.

As in Covey’s famous time management matrix, are you steadily putting energy and resource into the Quadrant 2 area of “not urgent but important” in your life? This is often the hardest area to devote yourself to when life pulls from all directions, so take a break to get an overview of your energy investment relative to your real values and desires.

More than ever, our energy is susceptible to be whittled away by low importance matters of false urgency, as 24/7 responsiveness and social media addiction has become normalized. Look at the hours you’ve spent on the phone in a day and ask if you deposited anything in the investment bank of your heart? How much was truly connection and how much was distraction?

When our commitments, as demonstrated by habit, are not aligned with our values-based desires, we begin to feel the pain of disconnection with self.

Realignment of energy with values is going to require emotional attuning.

One question that can be useful is to ask: What is the one thing I am getting angry/resentful for not doing? If you’re giving all your energy away except to the thing that’s really important to you, you will begin to feel like the world is crashing in on your personal boundaries. Now, how can you choose time to prioritize what you yearn for? Can you let discipline come from love?

As part of trauma exploration, Gabor Maté, M.D. talks about how most of us ‘wisely’ adapted to give up our authenticity for attachment as children. But when we continue to forgo our authentic needs, due to the stories and guilt we’ve cultivated, it causes stress, suffering and disease. He asserts that if you can’t say ‘no’, your body will.

According to Maté, women have a harder time saying no and suffer the health consequences. One essential step in self-care, and restoring your authenticity, is relearning how to give an authentic ‘no’ – whether in work or personal life.

Maté suggests to ask the following questions around saying ‘no’:

  • Where in my life do I have difficulty saying no?
  • What story did I tell myself about why I couldn’t say no?
  • Is that story really true?
  • What is the impact on myself when I don’t say no?
Thrive, Not Survive

This summer, think about self-care not as a way to survive the grind of your life, but to step a little further into thrive, whatever that authentically means for you!

By: Aimee Hansen

Note: We are taking a publishing break and our own advice and we will see you on Monday 12th July, and remember we have over 5000 articles to read in the archives if you are missing our cutting edge career insights!

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Why Self-Care Matters Most In Leadership (Yes, for you too!)

You know the first things you are quick to sacrifice when it comes to meeting all the demands of work (self-care, well-being, downtime)? Well they are the last things you should.

Self-care in leadershipIf you have been able to reach and stay at the executive level, then you are more likely to have learned that self-care is inextricable to leadership. You have ideally dropped the cultural self-sacrifice story a long time ago in your leadership journey.

A study of self-care among executive leadership in healthcare organizations found that “Leaders’ with high self-care ratings were likely to be from an organization with a high profit margin, while leaders with low ratings were likely to be either in their role for less than a year or from an organization with a lower profit margin.”

How much leaders practice self-care has a trickle down effect within organizations, and especially, in your own life and ability to show up.

Sacrificing Self-Care Benefits Nobody

We already know that playing the long hours game has a strong adverse impact on women’s short and long-term health relative to men. We know that a female-skewed over-conscientious approach to work can lead to emotional exhaustion. And research has shown that high work-related fatigue is even stronger for highly educated women.

Mindfulness researcher and author Jacqueline Carter shared with theglasshammer, “it was amazing to see how basically the higher you got in an organization, the higher the level of the executives, they all took time to exercise, they slept well, even despite ridiculous travel schedules and ridiculous scopes of jobs,” says Carter. “It was really clear that if you don’t start taking good care of yourself and setting good boundaries and saying no at an earlier level of your leadership journey, you’re gonna burn out.”

According to Harvard Business Review, “burnout cuts across executive and managerial levels…the major defining characteristic of burnout is that people can’t or won’t do again what they have been doing.” Identifiable characteristics include: “(1) chronic fatigue; (2) anger at those making demands; (3) self-criticism for putting up with the demands; (4) cynicism, negativity, and irritability; (5) a sense of being besieged; and (6) hair-trigger display of emotions.”

When in burnout, you lose your heart for where you’ve come to and where you’re at and what you’re doing.

Investment: Healthy You, Healthy Leadership

“I think there’s a mind-set shift that happens when people start to take this seriously, which is to go from seeing the investment of time in sleep, exercise, and mindfulness as a cost to thinking of it as an investment,” says Caroline Webb, senior adviser to McKinsey and author of How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life.

“In fact, it’s not just an investment that pays back long term, it’s an investment that pays back, all the evidence suggests, rather immediately,” says Webb. “The idea of that shift—that this is not down time, it’s simply investing in your ability to have more up time—is something which I’ve seen at the heart of everybody who makes a difference in the way that they’re living their lives, and also in the way that their teams around them are living their lives.”

The Value in Reset and Renewal

There are many ideas for how to incorporate self-care into your daily routine – such as meditation, being in nature, spending pockets of time in silence, drinking more water, starting a gratitude practice, scheduling your day to include work and non-work activities, practicing affirmations, getting massages and more. The thing is when you approach these things as something else on the task list to fit in when you’re already at overload, self-care can feel like yet another chore.

Research shows it can be valuable to step away from it all, take a bigger breath and dedicate attention for yourself to reset and renew. The right health-related vacation can shift things – it can bring you back to yourself, to open perspectives and return to a center of clarity and expansiveness, with benefits that last long beyond the time you spend away.

Research has shown that “individuals who attended a spiritual retreat for 7 days experienced changes in the dopamine and serotonin systems of the brain, which boosts the availability of these neurotransmitters” that relate to positive psychological effects. Additionally, meditation retreats have shown “large effects” on anxiety, depression, stress, mindfulness and compassion. Studies have also shown improvements in physical health, tension, and fatigue.

“A one-week wellness retreat (including many educational, therapeutic and leisure activities, and an organic, mostly plant-based diet),” according to a scientific study, “resulted in substantial improvements in everything from weight to blood pressure to psychological health – and sustained at six weeks (the last check-in point of the study).”

Beth McGroarty, director of research at the Global Wellness Institute, said to Travel Weekly, “in a wellness retreat, therapies/experiences often happen in concert and over multiple days, and combining them may have unique outcomes.”

As the research report states, “Retreat experiences provide a unique opportunity for people to escape from unhealthy routines and engage in healthy practices and activities that lead to immediate and sustained health benefits.”

For transparency, the writer of this article hosts women’s retreats, and my direct experience in facilitating a space in which a woman can connect with other women in vulnerability, return to her own center, show up from this place, and impact her own life trajectory is the inspiration for my personal commitment to this work.

No Matter How You Do It…

The bottom line is that no matter how you start or improve self-care – whether taking small moments for big impact changes in your daily routine or taking a bigger break away from it all to truly reset and renew – what’s most important, on all levels, is that you do.

Writer Bio:

Aimee Hansen, freelance writer for the theglasshammer, is the Creator and Facilitator of Storyteller Within Women’s Retreats, recommended by Lonely Planet Wellness Escapes. Since 2015, she has hosted nearly 150 women across 18 intimate retreat experiences. Her Journey Into Sacred Expression Retreats involve meditation, yoga, self-exploratory writing and sacred ceremonies, all in beautiful natural surroundings. She’ll be hosting two upcoming women’s retreat events this summer – in late June and late July – on the stunning Lake Atitlan in Guatemala, for women seeking self-renewal.

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