Emotional Intelligence – Part 1: The Higher Your Go, The More It Matters!

By Aimee Hansen

Research has shown that leadership accomplishment at the most senior levels is highly correlated with emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence in LeadershipEQ is said to be responsible for up to 58% of performance outcome. Whereas cognitive ability and IQ are “threshold competencies,” emotional intelligence is a differentiator at the leadership edge.

Emotional intelligence is so important in leadership that research has found that within groups with no dedicated leader, having the highest emotional intelligence is one of the driving factors for who will ultimately emerge as a leader. It’s not only an asset for leadership, but a predictor of leadership success.

It’s been called “the next sign of great leadership” in a Forbes Council Post, and in the quiet and remarkable transformation happening in business, “Honesty, intelligence and empathy are required.”

“Yes, this requires a level of vulnerability that makes old school CEOs and COOs cringe,” writes Rebecca T. Dickson, “But for those open to it, leaders are building trust they were never able to when they hid behind authority.”

No Soft Skill

Dr. Daniel Goleman, the most famous of the emotional intelligence researchers, highlights that EI is especially critical in the C-Suite. Goleman told Acertitude, an executive search firm, “what I found is that for jobs at every level, emotional intelligence is about twice as important as cognitive ability. The higher you go in the organization the more it matters. For top-level C-suite jobs, 80% to 90% of the abilities that distinguish high performers, as identified by the company itself, is based on emotional intelligence.”

Goleman told Acertitude, “What they’re looking for is the ability to manage yourself and to handle relationships effectively. That’s the definition of emotional intelligence. That’s what really matters.”

When IQ and technical skills are similar, emotional intelligence (no soft skill) is what moves people up the ladder. It pays too.

One study found that participants with high degrees of emotional intelligence made an annual average of $29,000 more than those with a low degree of emotional intelligence.

What is Emotional Intelligence

Goleman breaks the emotional intelligence framework into four areas:

• Self-Awareness: accurate self-assessment, self-confidence, and emotional self-awareness
• Social-Awareness: empathy, organizational awareness, and service
• Self Management: emotional self-control, transparency, adaptability, achievement, initiative, and optimism
• Relationship Management: inspirational leadership, influence, developing others, change catalyst, conflict management, bond-building, and teamwork

With emotional intelligence, you’re able to bring awareness to your brain’s fast operating system, which is automatic, default, irrational and often quick to interpret events negatively rather than as opportunities and react with disproportional emotion to the situation in front of you now. You attune more to your slower, more cautious and intentional second operating system so that you may respond rather than react.

Within self-awareness, empathy plays a particularly important role when it comes to C-Suite leadership:

• Cognitive Empathy is being able to see the world through other’s perspectives (mind-to-mind connection).
• Emotional Empathy is being able to feel what others are feeling.
• Empathic Concern is being able to relate to how others think and feel and to care about helping them (heart-to-heart connection).

The best leaders possess these empathic characteristics and can articulate and inspire others in a common vision.

Primal Leadership

Goleman introduces the concept of “primal leadership” – “No matter what leaders set out to do—whether it’s creating strategy or mobilizing teams to action—their success depends on how they do it. Even if they get everything else just right, if leaders fail in this primal task of driving emotions in the right direction, nothing they do will work as well as it could or should.”

“This emotional task of the leader is primal—that is, first—in two senses: It is both the original and the most important act of leadership.” Goleman states. “Leaders have always played a primordial emotional role.”

Fred Kofman, an Argentinian economist and author writes, “Hearts and minds cannot be bought or forced; they can only be deserved and earned. They are given only to worthy missions and trustworthy leaders. This applies not only to organizations but also to many other domains of human activity.”

A leader who is highly effective is often a leader that has done substantial work on herself or himself when it comes to emotional mastery through what Nancy Koehn has called “the gathering years” of harnessing one’s emotional awareness to access her or his deeper strength.

At the helm of any organization are those who navigate the relationship of that organization’s behavior to the very ideology it operates from, the relationship with all those who it serves and the relationship to all those who support it to exist.

Cultivating a sophisticated relationship with yourself, with your emotions and with relating to others emotions is the prerequisite to C-Suite leadership, and more than ever, to evolving how leadership shows up.

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Who Do You See in the Mirror?

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Janelle BrulandNo matter how successful we become, for some of us there is a whisper we hear that never quite goes away.

Call it imposter syndrome or just self-doubt, but it’s there if we allow it. I have learned that we can silence this intruder to our success. But it takes effort and consistency.

How we see ourselves is directly related to how we portray ourselves to the outside world. We will either limit ourselves in what we are able to accomplish or may desire to prove what we can accomplish, but those successes do not bring peace and fulfillment. I like the picture of a small kitten who looks at its reflection in the mirror and sees a mighty lion. If we feel small with not much to offer, we won’t invest in ourselves and will limit what we can accomplish. On the other hand, if we see ourselves as strong and capable, the possibilities are unlimited.

Why do so many people fail to grow and reach their potential, or accomplish many things and be unable to experience joy and satisfaction from it? I’ve concluded that one of the main reasons is a low self-image. When we have a low self-image, we feel poorly about ourselves, and tend to make the situation worse through negative thoughts and critical self-talk. If we don’t feel worth the effort, the image we have of ourselves will remain low without the chance to improve.

Unfortunately, negative, critical self-talk can be ingrained in us from childhood. In their book The Answer, businessmen-authors John Assaraf and Murray Smith speak to the negative messages children receive growing up. “By the time you’re seventeen years old, you’ve heard ‘No, you can’t,’ an average of 150,000 times. You’ve heard ‘Yes, you can,’ about 5,000 times. That’s 30 no’s for every yes. That makes for a powerful belief of ‘I can’t.’”

You can choose to silence your inner critic. For some of us it is easier to let go of this lens we view ourselves through, for others it feels like a constant battle with our inner critic. It takes time and work to change this perception that has been reinforced for years. The good news is by choosing to have positive thoughts about yourself, you can begin the process to change and improve your self-image. Here are a couple of ways I have found to be helpful in silencing our inner critic:

Guard Your Self-Talk

One way to build your self-image is by guarding your self-talk. If you think about it, you will realize you talk to yourself many times a day. Is that self-talk positive or negative? Are you being kind to yourself or critical? When faced with a problem do you tell yourself, “I’ve got this. I will figure it out” or instead say, “I’ve messed up again – I never get it right.” It can be helpful to log your thoughts to determine how you are doing.

Take time to be kind to yourself. You can be kind to yourself with the intention of being more kind to others, but it starts with you.

When you realize your own special value, you will see yourself as strong and capable. You will believe you are worth investing in. The result will be growth and development and living up to your full potential.

Focus on Your Strengths

Change your focus to all the things you excel at. What are your strengths and how can you choose to use them to make life better for yourself and others? Turn around the negatives and focus on your positive attributes. Anytime you struggle with feelings of inadequacy, take the time to stop, take a breath, and reassess why you are having these feelings. Often, we overlook our greatest assets, so by intentionally examining ourselves in the mirror to find our inner lions we can choose who we see.

If you want to formalize the process take a strengths self-assessment like Birkman. Spend time with the results. Live with them and remind yourself often about your unique gifts and talents. I found this particular assessment so helpful that we took our entire management team through it, and I am now certified to conduct the assessment for others.

Another way is to ask your friends and colleagues what they see in you. You might be surprised at how others view you. It is a great exercise, and a very encouraging one. Again, live with the positives you glean from it.

You are a Lion

If you are reading this, you are a lion. You have ascended to leadership or started a business or are just getting started on a life of accomplishment, but there is so much more to do. Silence the whisper that holds so many people back. Be proactive about reminding yourself often that you are more than capable. You are strong and you have proven it over and over again.

Janelle Bruland is an entrepreneur, author, speaker, and high-performance coach who inspires others to live impactful and successful lives. She is Founder and CEO of Management Services Northwest, a company she started in her living room in 1995 and has grown into an industry leading company, named one of the Fastest Growing Private Companies by Inc. magazine. The CPO of Microsoft, Mike Simms, describes her as a true pioneer in her field. Janelle is also the Co-Founder of Legacy Leader, a leadership development company that teaches business professionals how to build a legacy, transform their leadership, and love their life. She is the author of The Success Lie: 5 Simple Truths to Overcome Overwhelm and Achieve Peace of Mind.

The opinions and views expressed by guest contributors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of theglasshammer.com

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Why Self-Care Matters Most In Leadership (Yes, for you too!)

You know the first things you are quick to sacrifice when it comes to meeting all the demands of work (self-care, well-being, downtime)? Well they are the last things you should.

Self-care in leadershipIf you have been able to reach and stay at the executive level, then you are more likely to have learned that self-care is inextricable to leadership. You have ideally dropped the cultural self-sacrifice story a long time ago in your leadership journey.

A study of self-care among executive leadership in healthcare organizations found that “Leaders’ with high self-care ratings were likely to be from an organization with a high profit margin, while leaders with low ratings were likely to be either in their role for less than a year or from an organization with a lower profit margin.”

How much leaders practice self-care has a trickle down effect within organizations, and especially, in your own life and ability to show up.

Sacrificing Self-Care Benefits Nobody

We already know that playing the long hours game has a strong adverse impact on women’s short and long-term health relative to men. We know that a female-skewed over-conscientious approach to work can lead to emotional exhaustion. And research has shown that high work-related fatigue is even stronger for highly educated women.

Mindfulness researcher and author Jacqueline Carter shared with theglasshammer, “it was amazing to see how basically the higher you got in an organization, the higher the level of the executives, they all took time to exercise, they slept well, even despite ridiculous travel schedules and ridiculous scopes of jobs,” says Carter. “It was really clear that if you don’t start taking good care of yourself and setting good boundaries and saying no at an earlier level of your leadership journey, you’re gonna burn out.”

According to Harvard Business Review, “burnout cuts across executive and managerial levels…the major defining characteristic of burnout is that people can’t or won’t do again what they have been doing.” Identifiable characteristics include: “(1) chronic fatigue; (2) anger at those making demands; (3) self-criticism for putting up with the demands; (4) cynicism, negativity, and irritability; (5) a sense of being besieged; and (6) hair-trigger display of emotions.”

When in burnout, you lose your heart for where you’ve come to and where you’re at and what you’re doing.

Investment: Healthy You, Healthy Leadership

“I think there’s a mind-set shift that happens when people start to take this seriously, which is to go from seeing the investment of time in sleep, exercise, and mindfulness as a cost to thinking of it as an investment,” says Caroline Webb, senior adviser to McKinsey and author of How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life.

“In fact, it’s not just an investment that pays back long term, it’s an investment that pays back, all the evidence suggests, rather immediately,” says Webb. “The idea of that shift—that this is not down time, it’s simply investing in your ability to have more up time—is something which I’ve seen at the heart of everybody who makes a difference in the way that they’re living their lives, and also in the way that their teams around them are living their lives.”

The Value in Reset and Renewal

There are many ideas for how to incorporate self-care into your daily routine – such as meditation, being in nature, spending pockets of time in silence, drinking more water, starting a gratitude practice, scheduling your day to include work and non-work activities, practicing affirmations, getting massages and more. The thing is when you approach these things as something else on the task list to fit in when you’re already at overload, self-care can feel like yet another chore.

Research shows it can be valuable to step away from it all, take a bigger breath and dedicate attention for yourself to reset and renew. The right health-related vacation can shift things – it can bring you back to yourself, to open perspectives and return to a center of clarity and expansiveness, with benefits that last long beyond the time you spend away.

Research has shown that “individuals who attended a spiritual retreat for 7 days experienced changes in the dopamine and serotonin systems of the brain, which boosts the availability of these neurotransmitters” that relate to positive psychological effects. Additionally, meditation retreats have shown “large effects” on anxiety, depression, stress, mindfulness and compassion. Studies have also shown improvements in physical health, tension, and fatigue.

“A one-week wellness retreat (including many educational, therapeutic and leisure activities, and an organic, mostly plant-based diet),” according to a scientific study, “resulted in substantial improvements in everything from weight to blood pressure to psychological health – and sustained at six weeks (the last check-in point of the study).”

Beth McGroarty, director of research at the Global Wellness Institute, said to Travel Weekly, “in a wellness retreat, therapies/experiences often happen in concert and over multiple days, and combining them may have unique outcomes.”

As the research report states, “Retreat experiences provide a unique opportunity for people to escape from unhealthy routines and engage in healthy practices and activities that lead to immediate and sustained health benefits.”

For transparency, the writer of this article hosts women’s retreats, and my direct experience in facilitating a space in which a woman can connect with other women in vulnerability, return to her own center, show up from this place, and impact her own life trajectory is the inspiration for my personal commitment to this work.

No Matter How You Do It…

The bottom line is that no matter how you start or improve self-care – whether taking small moments for big impact changes in your daily routine or taking a bigger break away from it all to truly reset and renew – what’s most important, on all levels, is that you do.

Writer Bio:

Aimee Hansen, freelance writer for the theglasshammer, is the Creator and Facilitator of Storyteller Within Women’s Retreats, recommended by Lonely Planet Wellness Escapes. Since 2015, she has hosted nearly 150 women across 18 intimate retreat experiences. Her Journey Into Sacred Expression Retreats involve meditation, yoga, self-exploratory writing and sacred ceremonies, all in beautiful natural surroundings. She’ll be hosting two upcoming women’s retreat events this summer – in late June and late July – on the stunning Lake Atitlan in Guatemala, for women seeking self-renewal.

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Hard Talk: Work, Motherhood and the Unfinished Discussion

By Nicki Gilmour

Welcome to my new column called Hard Talk.

Nicki GilmourThis column will surface the topics that are buried by most of us due to many reasons including fear, exasperation, denial, taboos and lack of information until we stumble upon the topic itself as a challenge. Also, happy Mother’s Day.

I am going to start by telling you I do not have all, if any, of the answers, but I do want to create the space for each of us to come up with our own answers while offering insight into the individual and common psychology that binds us. I believe there is value to putting on the table the systemic and psychological reasons that explain why important topics are often ignored by the best of us as it pertains to careers and the person we are inside and outside of the office building.

How to spot a difficult subject

There are so many things that we aren’t willing to talk about in society and, in this instance, corporate life. How do you spot a taboo or something that just isn’t “on the table,” or, weirdly, is half on the table, whereby the topic seems like it is being dealt with or is resolved already, but really isn’t?

A sign to look for is when the topic is mostly talked about in a personalized (subjective) way, pitting women or people against other women or other people, suggesting somehow it is not a systemic issue but rather a matter choices and opinions. This is false reasoning when the so-called choices are a binary revolving around a lose-lose paradigm that only one societal group has to participate in.

The topic must be identified for real solutions to be found.

Why is motherhood a minefield topic?

Motherhood is a tricky topic as it is an identity and a job in itself. Fatherhood, when played out as many fathers do now in the legacy mother role of primary caregiver, also begs analysis for bias, but for now we shall discuss motherhood. Not everyone wants (another taboo) or can have (another under-discussed taboo) babies. But for those who do, there is not a woman alive in a defined career trajectory who has not given serious thought to the timing and logistics of how having a kid will affect her career. Anxiety at worst, mindshare at best. Once in it, motherhood can become both a Chief Operations Officer job and an internship as moving parts and project scheduling and learning plus actual execution are all very much part of the job. This is on top of a (big, busy and important) day job.

Just to be clear, this column is not one of judgment or even grouping as everyone has different feelings towards ambition, guilt and their own individual needs regarding work and what they glean intellectually, emotionally and financially from doing it. Additionally, there are so many influencing elements around each person’s spousal division of labor, capacity to organize and delegate support. Then there is the other topic of how much money each person has to throw at solutions should their preference lie there. And if the primary care giver is your spouse – man or woman – the conversation certainly changes slightly.

The difficulty of saying small humans disrupt life as we know it

Why has it taken me 13 years and 8,000 articles published to touch this topic? Simply put, we were in another time era. It is only very recently that corporations are in a place to discuss policy around parental leave as opposed to maternity leave. Equal pay for the same job in the US and elsewhere – such as the UK – is still being truly decided and addressed. We are not as advanced as we think we are.

The perception around women and babies and how that somehow negatively affected productivity or competence was just too strong. It felt like even indulging in the conversation of babies impacting careers was an admission that there was validity to the possibility that it was so. Instead of speaking in terms of systemic changes, we were very much stuck in an individual choices discussion.

The denial around impact of any kind was necessary because it felt like a betrayal to the messaging around “you can do it,” “just lean in” and other Generation X messaging to women. Good men with willingness to change have continued to be messaged more or less the same “provider” talk until recently and those who bucked the trend have had their own bias to deal with, from being excluded from mommy coffee dates to how to enter a bathroom to change their babies.

Motherhood has been said to be the unfinished work of feminism in a matricentric theory and movement being proposed by Andrea O’Reilly. Motherhood has been largely left out of feminist theory and I think this is why my usual “push the envelope and talk about it anyway” trait, which has allowed us to talk about intersecting identities at work in so many forms, has not attracted me to this topic until now. Apparently I was not on my own but like my evolution on the willingness to talk about it, others indicate a sea change with The Guardian’s Amy Westervelt opining that, “Most surprising to me, as someone told by women’s magazine editors for years ‘we don’t cover motherhood’, is the fact that publications like Elle and Marie Claire appear to have lifted their long-standing ban on motherhood.”

Still an issue to resolve

Ann Crittenden, in her book “The Price of Motherhood”, states, “once a woman has a baby, the egalitarian office party is over thoroughly.”

And other people have written at length regarding the bias of motherhood for pay and promotions so it is felt currently by some and is far from a resolved issue, culturally. In fact, if you look at Wikipedia’s definition of “mommy track” it is interesting to see that they define it almost as a choice for women to take, instead of an action that happens to women by others.

No company has this issue cracked. But, some are trying hard to create conditions culturally and programmatically. It still feels like the conversation needs to be reframed and developed to redesign the workplace of the future with a society to match. In the meantime, look for those companies that remove the subjectivity of flextime or where parental leave is taken by men for real amounts of time. Live your values and instead of the lean in message, and perhaps focus on personal renewal while the system catches up.

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The Professional Woman’s Guide to a Drama-Free Workplace

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Guest Contribution. The following article is adapted from the book, The Drama-Free Workplace.

Workplace DramaIn this post-#MeToo era, many women, both organizational leaders and individual contributors, are asking what role they can play in ridding our workplaces of drama.

Workplace drama comes in many forms, but two of the most common, and two that disproportionately affect professional women, are sexual harassment and bias.

Root Causes of Workplace Drama

The list of root causes is long, but here are four of the most important reasons why bias and sexual harassment exist at work:

Inauthentic leadership: A lack of authenticity creates or perpetuates a belief that management is hypocritical, that they only talk the talk but don’t walk the walk.

Problem-solving deficit: A lack of authenticity leads to inconsistency, usually seen in the form of the failure to implement solutions in an even-handed way.

Increased division: Failure to communicate clearly and transparently creates a sense of “us versus them” which perpetuates the cycle of division and mistrust.

Culture of complicity: An “us versus them” culture becomes permissive and tolerates bad behavior. This leads to blind spots since “we” think “they” are out to get us.

From Unconscious Bias to Radical Fairness

Bias is at the root of many of the issues that become workplace drama.

As the term gains popularity, many now cringe when they hear “unconscious bias” since they imagine training on something touchy-feely. Another way of stating it is that our “hidden” brain heavily influences our decision-making at work (and elsewhere). We won’t solve the issue unless we:

1) acknowledge that we are all influenced by factors outside our conscious minds;
2) that affect our decision-making (sometimes negatively); and
3) that despite this reality, there are ways we can fix the problem.

So, what can we do to take away the power of unconscious bias at work? Here are a few strategies:

  • Create stronger connections up, down and across. Research shows that we tend to view the world through a relatively homogenous lens. If your friends, coworkers and acquaintances tend to be from the same demographic groups as you (race/ethnicity, socio-economic status, geographic location, position at work, etc.) then how can we expect to debunk hidden beliefs we have about “the other?” Be creative – use stories and analogies, current events and research, facts and popular culture – anything that can show people that we have more in common than we think.
  • Be authentic. Employees can detect hypocracy from miles away. Implement programs that you’re truly committed to studying and resolving. Be the “and” in a “this OR that” world. Combine data/ AND a human touch to resolve issues of bias so that you are hiring and retaining top diverse talent.

Failure to implement realistic solutions to eliminate bias from decision-making at work leads to exclusion. This becomes clear as we look at issues of inclusion and diversity – if biased decision-making isn’t checked, your program to create a diverse workforce where each employee feels as though he or she belongs, is doomed.

The “Cure” for Workplace Sexual Harassment

For female professionals, the presence of sexual harassment at work is as dangerous as the presence of gender bias.

Here are three strategies you should take to eliminate sexual harassment at your organization:

  • Go beyond the letter of policies. While promising a “harassment free workplace” is a good promise, that should be the floor, not the ceiling. Just like you don’t want to eat at a restaurant that promises not to give you food poisoning (rather than promising an excellent dining experience) so too should workplaces promise a healthy, respectful and inclusive culture, not just mere legal compliance. The spirit of the policy should be just as important as the written word.
  • Step up and speak out. In many instances, harassing behavior starts out as minor, but when left unchecked, it not only escalates, the bad actor is emboldened to go one step further. Going from passive bystander to active upstander is therefore vital. There are a number of ways to accomplish this and the only rule is that doing nothing shouldn’t be an option.
  • If you’re a leader, help develop a system of perceived fairness, in addition to actual fairness. For the elimination of sexual harassment, the single most important way to do this is to hold everyone equally accountable for misconduct. Everyone. Even if the bad actor is the CEO, or a leader deemed “too valuable to lose.”

And while these strategies might appear to be geared toward leaders, they apply equally to every employee who has a vested interest in ridding our workplace of bias and harassment– we’re all in this together and it will require each one of us to implement these strategies to succeed. By taking these steps, you will play a vital role in making sure that bias and harassment are a thing of the past at your workplace.

Patti Perez is VP of Workplace Strategy at Emtrain. She is a licensed California attorney, a professionally-certified HR executive, and a specialist in the prevention and resolution of workplace drama. She is a frequent speaker on these topics and is the author of the soon-to-be-published The Drama-Free Workplace (Wiley, April 2019).

This is a guest contribution and does not represent the opinions of theglasshammer.com- all views are of the guest writer.

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Should I stay or should I go? Are you thinking of leaving for the right reasons?

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Nicki Gilmour - Founder of The Glasshammer.comShould I stay in my job or leave to go to a new firm? This is often the question that brings people to coaching.

There is no simple answer to this, but there are ways to truly explore what is best for you.

I can break these down into three categories:

1. Systemic dysfunction – is there misalignment in the way people and processes meet? Is the culture and how work gets done around here, one of inconsistent management practices with no real support with process and policy to ensure good behaviors happen? Is leadership lacking? Is the mission unclear? Are you able to do your job the way you see fit?

2. You – your mental models, behaviors, reaction and actions.

3. Them – other people and their mental models, behaviors, reactions and actions.

It is only by looking at these factors that you can make an assessment of whether staying or leaving is best. You go with you to the next job so repeating patterns won’t bring you happiness or success if those patterns needs to be broken.

I am now taking up to 15 new coaching clients for Spring/Summer – if you are interested in signing up and working with me for 5 sessions, book in for an exploratory call to see if I can help you over the next 6-9 months so you can develop, grow, succeed and feel renewal at work.

Testimonials from mid to senior level professionals available.

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Why Less Is More: Advice for Female Overachievers Everywhere

Women-Cheering-featured

By Aimee Hansen

With the recent International Women’s Day 2019 mantra being #Balanceforbetter, we have proof that giving less of yourself at work could be the best move for you and your career.

Being overly conscientious and accommodating in your work approach – which women are far more likely to be – may diffuse your energy and impact, without helping you advance in the office.

Overcoming the compulsion to overwork is about more than being mentally strategic and discerning with the work you do, though changing behaviors can change beliefs. The hardest part of choosing not to do too much may be riding through the emotional discomfort of not being as overly conscientious as you’re used to.

As girls and women, we’ve come to believe we have to work very hard not even to get ahead, but just to stay safe.

What did we really learn as girls at school?

“What if those same habits that propel girls to the top of their class — their hyper-conscientiousness about schoolwork — also hold them back in the work force?” writes Dr. Lisa Damour in the New York Times.

At school age, girls have the edge on performance and they also work harder, have greater discipline and perform better. Damour finds that girls are more likely to grind away and to leave as little as possible room for error. Anecdotally, it’s observed that boys are more likely to up their game if something slips, while girls are less likely to allow the possibility of slippage, holding the energy of maximum effort.

Damour writes, “We need to ask: What if school is a confidence factory for our sons, but only a competence factory for our daughters?” She asserts that with girls, we need to stop applauding ‘inefficient overwork’ and start rewarding ‘economy of effort’.

Part of this is encouraging girls to acknowledge how much they already know and then where to focus their mastery building, as opposed to only building up capacity for work. The confidence gap and stress gap between genders is only widened when girls and women put disproportionate stock in their ability to work extra hard, as opposed to their innate abilities to deliver good results.

We think we have to work harder (and we do) at work.

A study designed to monitor the impact of privacy filters on productivity at 3M also verified the suspicion that women employees work harder. “During a ten minute experimental trial, female employees worked longer without (2.5 minutes vs 2.1 minutes) or with (4.9 minutes vs 4.3 minutes) a privacy filter. 52 percent of male workers walked away during a waiting period while only 38 present of women did.

Across three decades of studies, professional women in both Britain and the United States are also significantly more likely than male peers to agree to the statement “My job requires that I work very hard.”

“Between a man and a woman who hold the same job, shoulder the same burdens at home and have the same education and skills, the woman is likely to feel she must work harder,“ said co-researcher and sociologist Elizabeth Gorman.

The researchers speculate that “the association between gender and reported required work effort is best interpreted as reflecting stricter performance standards imposed on women, even when women and men hold the same jobs.”

Being too conscientious adds up to emotional exhaustion.

Women tend to experience more stress in the workplace – and a UK survey found up to 67% higher stress levels for women between 34 and 44 compared to men.

Research on organizational citizenship behavior (OCB) explored five types of behavior for impact on individual well-being: “altruism (helping a colleague), conscientiousness (going beyond the minimum), civic virtue (involvement in the organisation), courtesy (avoiding work-related problems with others) and sportsmanship (tolerating inconveniences and impositions of work).”

The research showed that employees who regularly put in hours and effort beyond the call of duty experience more emotional exhaustion and work-family conflict – especially for those who carry out responsibilities at a high level.

The study also found “employees who already performed well in their job and had a high level of conscientiousness also suffered significantly higher emotional exhaustion and work-family conflict. Those who exerted greater effort in their work and family roles, with a general sense of not wanting to let people down, found they had little left in reserve, increasing the challenges of balancing work with a healthy family life.”

Doing well at work, not surprisingly, leads to more work: “Managers are prone to delegate more tasks and responsibilities to conscientious employees who are likely to try to maintain consistently high levels of output.”

If you get hooked to hyper-conscientiousness as your success card, you’ll feel you have to keep it going, even when it grows.

What if we just cared less?

Beyond the external demands, clinical psychologist Dr Jessamy Hibberd, co-author of This Book Will Make You Calm, notes the internal demands that we create for ourselves on top of external demands. “These are the pressures you place on yourself,” Hibberd told The Guardian. “For example, checking and rechecking work, spending too long on each task, taking work home and setting excessively high standards.”

As Lauren Bravo writes in the same piece, “As promising students we were told ‘aim high! Join in! You can do anything!’ – but nobody thought to mention we could also aim lower, opt out or do exactly what our pay cheque required and no more.”

“The happiest people at work seem to be the ones who don’t care as much,” writes Bravo, “they might just be on to something.”

How do to less and more.

University of California, Berkeley professor and author of Great at Work, says our approach to work is “broken.” He said to Forbes, “We pursue a paradigm of ‘more is better’ — but more hours doesn’t lead to better performance. And it leads to worse work/life balance.’”

From a survey on what really drives performance, Hansen found some secrets behind doing less to create more impact:

Do Fewer Things: Top performers are very selective in what they do and don’t scatter their efforts too much across too many tasks or too many meetings. Hansen says, “It’s counterintuitive. It’s not how much you can get done in a day, but how few things you have to do in order to excel.”

Sarah Knight, author of “The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k,” encourages us to declutter our mind and care less. She also suggests ditching corporate formalities like conference calls, when the time can be used more productively.

Push Back: If you’re asked to stretch yourself across too many things, Hansen suggests pushing for prioritization. “Say: ‘You asked me to do two things last week and now you’re asking for a third. Which should I prioritize? I can do all three, but it won’t be high-quality work.’ You’re not saying ‘I don’t want to do it.’ This requires some courage and tact.” Another tip: Say no to additional responsibilities with low visibility that won’t truly advance you.

“Do Less, Then Obsess”: Hansen suggests to do less tasks, but put attention into doing the things you commit to with excellence. Take time putting the attention into the details and making the work you commit to high quality. Do less, and do it better.

Women have been devalued in the workplace. You can stop devaluing yourself by finding ways to trim away the work that’s draining your energy more than its advancing you towards your own career desires.

Author Bio:

Aimee Hansen is a writer here at theglasshammer.com.

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The Importance of Not Losing Yourself – in Work or Motherhood

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Working mother
Attending the needs of our children and responding to the demands of work may leave us with a sense of stripping us apart – especially when there can seem to be so many demands of both, often times appearing to be in conflict.

In the effort to manage and give your energy to both, you may begin to wonder where time and energy for you are in the middle of all of it.

How do you give your best to your career and motherhood and not lose yourself in the process?

You don’t have to lose yourself nor make sacrifices in your career or parenting to have fulfillment and enjoyment of all elements of your life.

If you have a sense that you are losing touch with yourself amongst the roles of parent and worker, there are some simple steps you can take to function a little differently and have greater success (and enjoyment) in your commitment to your kids, your career, and have a strong and healthy connection with yourself.

One important element to accomplishing this is choosing to be more present in your life. Contrary to what you might believe, being present is not about excluding one element or one part of your life in order to focus on another. It is being willing to be engaged with what is in front of you, while not dimming your awareness of everything else. You don’t have to put aside your role as a mother to do well at work, and you don’t have to forget your career skills and abilities in your parenting, and you do not have to exclude your own needs to successfully raise kids or have a career.

Here are three simple ways to invite more moments of presence and avoid losing you as you navigate the challenges of work and motherhood.

Start every day being present with you

One simple yet effective method to begin being more present with yourself is to consciously and regularly give you your undivided attention throughout the day.

This could begin by waking 15 minutes earlier each morning. In that time, give yourself some attention: “check in” with yourself. Take a moment to look in the mirror have a moment of gratitude for you (no judgment or criticism!). Use those minutes to have some fun. Play with what you are going to wear that day, read something that really inspires you, write something in a journal, or take some time to set some personal targets. Whatever you do, the point is to take that time to be with you first instead of rushing into the day’s activities. Use those moments to relax and be fully present with you and see the changes it starts to create in your day.

Choose some fun and lightness in moments throughout the day

When you have activities where you are on your own, where does your mind go? When you visit the gym, go to the supermarket, or drive, why not use those moments to do something for you, in your favour? Instead of repeatedly running through a to-do list, playing a movie of complaints or resentments, or fixating on things that have gone wrong, use those minutes to your advantage. Listen to music you like, take time to breathe and clear your head. Have fun with yourself. Tell yourself a joke or find something to laugh about. Even amid the most boring activity, what could you choose or put your attention on that would create some fun and lightness for you?

Be present with whatever comes your way

When you catch our mind wandering off-task, you may assume the remedy is to push those thoughts aside in attempt to narrow your focus. Rather than focus, be present with what is in front of you. The difference with being present is you can be there for the task at hand, but, unlike focus, you do not have to cut away anything else in your mind not related to that activity. It actually takes a lot more energy to exclude and focus than to be present and allow.

For example, if your child is coming to your mind while at work, allow it to be there. Allow the feelings you have for your child to be there, too. When you allow all of it to be there as part of you and your day, there is no need to put any energy or attention toward trying to avoid it.

What if the different areas of your life could contribute to each other and making you whole instead of split apart?

Losing yourself occurs when you believe you have to exclude any other part of you in the roles you play. By allowing yourself to bring all of you to work and motherhood, choosing to be more present with you in the moments of daily life, and by including your personal in the picture of your day, you will begin to have a greater sense of yourself in all elements of life, and you may find that you have a lot more energy and resourcefulness available to you than ever before.

Norma Forastiere is a business mentor, natural therapist and a self-proclaimed seeker, Norma began practicing mediation at an early age and then went on to study metaphysics and several energy healing and natural therapy modalities. A native Portuguese speaker with a proficiency in English and Spanish, Norma offers workshops and consultations for those willing to explore greater possibilities in life, communication and business. Follow Norma.

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7 Reasons why a Career in Technology is Great For Women

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women in technology
The IT industry is made up of many sectors, with data privacy and protection being one of these.

Experts indicate that the data protection industry has grown by more than 450% in 2017 alone and is expected to increase into 2020. With the potential for the number of jobs in the area to skyrocket, it is a good opportunity for women to look for jobs in cybersecurity. It remains a male-dominated sector, much like the other sectors of IT and unfortunately, statistics suggest that women aren’t selecting computer science majors.

Here are seven reasons why opportunity is now.

1. There’s a Tremendous Worker Shortage

As organizations of all sizes become increasingly aware of how important privacy and cybersecurity are, they are looking for qualified professionals to take on responsible positions. Unfortunately, they often find a lack of candidates, even when offering excellent pay and great benefits.

Estimates suggest that more than 200,000 cybersecurity jobs were never filled in 2015. The Bureau of Labor Statistics also says that job postings in this sector are up a staggering 74 percent in the past five years. If you’re looking for a career path with good employment opportunities, then cybersecurity is the place for you.

Despite massive growth in the sector the general consensus is that the security sector job market will explode in 2020+. One of the fastest growing areas of that will be MSS (managed security solutions). These are automated solutions that look for system vulnerabilities in small businesses or corporate entities. As the education gap closes some expert expect cyber to become a mandatory insured category for most companies.

2. Incredible Mentors Are Everywhere

The women who entered the cybersecurity field in the early days are undoubted pioneers and trailblazers. Many of them are incredibly successful and willing to help young professionals who are interested in a similar career path. In fact, the industry is known for its supportive professionals who especially want to see other women succeed. This means that you can easily get the guidance and advice you need as you develop a career.

3. You Don’t Have to be a “Geek”

Are you worried that a job in cybersecurity will require you to understand endless reams of technical jargon? Maybe you feel intimidated by all of the technology that you’ll encounter. The reality is that if you can operate a computer, then you are likely capable of learning the skills that you’ll need to work in cybersecurity.

Additionally, technical skills aren’t all that you need in the industry. Professionals considering these jobs need critical thinking skills and should be adept at written and verbal communication. Certain positions may require negotiation or making presentations. Depending upon the precise position, you may find that only a small amount of your time is occupied by the “technical” stuff.

4. Diverse Perspectives Are Good for Business

Many organizations are seeking to hire female IT workers because they have realized a fundamental truth. When a variety of viewpoints and perspectives are considered, better decisions tend to be made. Employers are relying on diverse workforces more than ever before to help give them a leg up on the competition.

A varied workforce is especially helpful in cybersecurity because the profiles of hackers and cybercriminals are similarly diverse. Organizations need workers who think and reason in different ways in order to keep them ahead of potential threats.

5. The Pay and Benefits Can Be Excellent

More and more women are becoming the primary breadwinners in their households. Other women are seeking careers with better pay in two-income households so that they can provide a better life for their family. Whatever the specific reasons, one of the arguments for women entering the cybersecurity field is that the pay generally is incredibly competitive. This is especially true considering the gap between open positions and qualified workers. If you decide to go into cybersecurity, you’ll probably get an attractive raise and an enviable package of benefits.

6. It’s a Chance to Genuinely Help People

Working in cybersecurity isn’t just about looking for vulnerabilities in computer systems or trying to find new ways to foil hackers. At their core, these jobs are really about protecting the private information of thousands or even millions of individuals. When a hack or breach does occur, then the cybersecurity professional goes into a different mode, that of tracking down the bad actor. It’s a bit like a being a detective, figuring out who did the crime and how. Cybersecurity professionals have a definite opportunity to protect people from harm and to right some of the wrongs in the world.

7. It’s a Challenging Field that Constantly Evolves

Do you want to go to work and do the same old thing day after day? Some women just don’t find that appealing. For them, the fast-paced excitement and diversity of cybersecurity may be the ideal challenge.

People who already work in this field frequently talk about how much they love their jobs. They don’t always know what they’ll be doing on a day-to-day basis because unexpected events are always popping up. This keeps them on their toes and keeps their minds sharp. Moreover, technology and security are always evolving, so keeping up with education is a must in this field. If you like to constantly challenge yourself with new information, then a career in cybersecurity may be the perfect decision for you.

Employers are looking for IT professionals right now. Maybe you don’t have the specific education or experience that they are looking for at the present moment, but your abilities to work hard and learn are in your favor. A few classes may be all that you need to start yourself in the right direction toward a career in cybersecurity. With your basic skill set in place, you’ll be positioned to take on a challenging job that pays well and offers great employment security.

Author Bio: Laura Harvsey

I am a senior staff information officer and has practical experience in building community-oriented data platforms. I focus on sharing technology content with those working in innovation networks

Theglasshammer does not endorse views of guest contributors.

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7 Tips to be A Fearless Saleswoman

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sales woman
I had always wanted a sports car.

A few years ago, I finally purchased one. Before I wrote the check for the down payment, my husband cautioned me that the car I wanted was available only with a manual transmission. I had never driven a manual, but I said, “No problem, I’ll learn.”

We picked up the car; the dealer handed me the keys. I turned to my husband and said, “I can’t drive this car, I don’t know how. It’s brand new, I don’t want to crash it.” I handed him the keys.

Only on the drive back home did it begin to dawn on me what I had done. I had purchased a car that I couldn’t drive. That fact made me feel more than a little restless. While I was still in the passenger seat, I vowed to master the art of driving the stick shift.

Over the next few weeks, with my patient husband’s help, I tried to get acquainted with a whole new way of driving. It wasn’t easy. I lacked confidence in myself. I had this belief that I would stall out while climbing a hill, that drivers behind me would honk to get me to move forward, and that I might even roll back into the car behind me. I played the whole thing out – and terrified myself. My fear of this scenario was so strong that I only drove my new car on short, flat road trips! Eventually, I decided that this state of affairs was ridiculous. With plenty of practice and repetition, my fear lessened, and I now enjoy the car’s great ride – even uphill. I could have kept talking myself out of getting the most from my car … but fortunately my desire to drive the car was stronger than my fear.

I liken this experience to following a career in sales. Sales is full of risk: the risk of rejection, the risk of running into a buyer who wants to diminish your stature, the risk of having to decide that it’s time to plant your heels, focus on the real issue, and request a yes or no decision – a process that isn’t easy at first. As women, we can easily talk ourselves out of a very lucrative and rewarding career. We can choose to sell ourselves short, but if we do, we will never achieve our full potential, or enjoy the sales role. Why not?

Because of the pressure we place on ourselves and the way we allow others to treat us.

Everyone experiences fear. A little fear is not a bad thing – it gets our adrenaline going and spurs us to take action. Too much fear, however, makes us opt for bad outcomes like never driving our sports car up a hill. Highly successful saleswomen may not be literally fearless – but they do put in place a number of important safeguards that help them to become less fearful. Here are seven best practices that can help you to do just that.

1. Frame your sales role as a stepping stone to what you want most in life.

One great way to do this is to create a vision board with images that remind you what you are moving toward, what is important to you in life, why you get up each morning to do what you do. Place this board where you see it each day as a reminder of your personal “why?”

2. Recognize you come to the job at an advantage over your male counterparts… and leverage your strengths.

Guess what? Women tend to be superior relationship builders, connectors, listeners, questioners, and nurturers. Don’t those sound like important attributes to use in a sales role?

3. Do the opposite of what a traditional sales person does.

Turn the table and become “outer focused” – as opposed to “inner focused.” In other words, focus the conversation on your prospect and his problems. Stop talking about your product features and benefits when you are in front of a prospect. Seek first to understand!

4. Understand and embrace that being uncomfortable is something everyone experiences.

Learn to put the experience in context. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What, specifically, makes me uncomfortable? Example: Calling on C-level decision makers.
  • What do I fear emotionally about this? That I am not good enough to call at the top levels of a target company.
  • What do I fear that I might do or say? That I won’t know what to say or that I will say something stupid.
  • What’s the worst that could happen? I get hung up on and told never to call back.
  • What’s the best that could happen? They have a need and we schedule an appointment.
  • Will taking the risk kill me? No.
  • What can I do to lessen my fears? Prepare and practice what I will say. Role play with my own CEO. Tell myself, “Some of these people will have a need – some won’t.”
5. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who will cheer you on.

Support them in turn!

6. Control who you allow into your castle.

Your “castle” is who you are as a person – it’s your self-image. When you let someone get to you personally, you have let the drawbridge down. Realize it is your role, not you as a person, that they may not like! Keep the drawbridge up.

7. Have a healthy viewpoint about what selling really is.

Selling isn’t about convincing anyone of anything. It’s actually about helping someone discover for themselves whether they have a problem … and then helping them discover for themselves that you offer the best solution. That feels less scary already, doesn’t it? Great! Now you’re in gear!

About the Author

Lorraine Ferguson is author of The Unapologetic Saleswoman:  Breaking The Barriers, Beating The Odds. Ferguson is a dynamic trainer and coach who accelerates growth in companies by focusing on the right behaviors, attitudes and techniques that drive success. She has brought the Sandler Selling System to hundreds of selling professionals and businesses.  Companies and individuals have transformed their business development ability by working with Ferguson.

For more information, please visit  https://www.sandler.com/resources/sandler-books/unapologetic-saleswoman

Guest contributor’s views are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by theglasshammer.com

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