Tag Archive for: Know your values

reset from work this summerSpring is upon us, and chances are you’re already planning your vacation days away from the office this summer. If the mix of life, work, and the world has you longing for more than a fleeting getaway, it’s the moment for a deeper reset.

A retreat, focused on reconnecting with yourself, can bring rejuvenation and clarity and be a huge antidote to overwhelm and burnout. Especially if you’ve begun to question your current career trajectory, or simply how you navigate your priorities within it, taking a step back to check in with yourself is invaluable, and can bring you back to your deeper resources of inner power.

Are your life and work aligned with who you are now, what you value, and what you find most fulfilling? Do you still want what you once thought you wanted, when it comes to the career choices you are making? No matter what the answers may be, taking a pause to gain perspective will bring clarity to the path.

A retreat isn’t just about pressing pause; it’s about resetting, realigning, and stepping back into life and all of your choices with renewed vision and energy.

1) Take a break from distractions.

Social media overload? As executive and leadership coach Nicki Gilmour writes, “In a world overflowing with distractions, tapping into your own voice and ignoring nonsense is a powerful act of self-care and productivity.”

In a week-long retreat, full of relaxing and beautiful surroundings, nurturing and connective gatherings, and therapeutic body treatments, you’ll spend far less time on your phone and receive the benefits of digital detoxing – such as better mental health and better sleep – as you turn the noise way down.

2) Be nurtured and rest your decision-making.

Vacations from work can be fun, but they often leave you just as exhausted as when you left. At a women’s retreat, you can relax into simply being a guest and being nurtured by your hostess, the retreat center, and your surroundings.

Retreat activities like meditation, yoga, and somatic movement can help to relieve stress from the body. Even brief retreats have been shown to reduce stress and anxiety levels and improve biological markers of inflammation. A women’s retreat will also remind you that self-care is not something you prioritize for one week.

3) Get out of the well-oiled thought loops.

Do you ever feel like your mind is on repeat? In a given day, up to 90% of your thoughts are repetitive, and this reinforces the same beliefs, sense of self, habits, and choices. This makes it difficult to tune in. By stepping into a different context, usually outside of your comfort zone, you disrupt your habitual thought patterns.

At a retreat, you can also rest your decision fatigue and responsibilities, and relax into an experience curated to allow spaciousness and reflection. When you clear the busyness, new rhythms and insights arise.

4) Reconnect with your body’s wisdom.

The office can push you to live in your head and disconnect from your physical self, even when it comes to overriding your body’s natural rhythms for rest and play. At a retreat, you will get out of your mind and move into your body and your heart. When you do, you have more access to feel what you really feel, be as you really are, and sense what you want to create in your life now.

Whether breathing, meditation, tai chi, yoga, or somatic movement, a women’s retreat will encourage you to connect with the rich and embodied insight that lives in your being and cellular awareness. You have the space to establish the feminine connection with your deep knowing and intuition. You become more aware of how life wants to uniquely move through you, so you can embrace a more heart-led adventure.

5) Put down roles and get back to your essence.

High level professional woman wear so many hats, sometimes it can feel like you simply go from one role to the next, faster than you can change them, which leads to craving time for yourself. Who are you beneath the identities, labels, and real and perceived expectations?

Who were you before them, who are you with them, and what of yourself have you put away? A retreat helps you detach and remember your essence. This often includes remembering vivid energies that have gone dormant in the push and pull.

6) Discern your inner voice from your energetic ecosystem.

What we don’t realize is how much the energetic eco-system is determining how we live. It’s easy to fall into living life from the outside-in simply based on consensus. Similar to the notion we are the average of the people we spend the most time with, your beliefs, mentality, values, ways to spend time and money, and sense of possibilities are impacted by what is normalized in your culture and immediate social circle.

Stepping away and listening within gives you space from outside influences to discern your own heart and values. You unearth the truths poking at you from under the surface, guiding you to live from the inside-out. Sometimes this includes admitting what you know but are trying to deny knowing.

7) Get distance from habitual socializing.

It’s easy to slide into routines of social contracts with others whether a partner, co-workers, or friends. You create blueprints related to how you spend time together, what you talk about, what you do, what you eat or drink together. Which of these things enrich you, and which are simply habits you’re going along with?

When away from your usual social routines, and engaging in nourishing activities which reconnect you with yourself, you begin to consider if your habitual social dynamics resonate with who you are now. Do they fill you up? Or are some things ready to go so you can cultivate more of what nurtures and enlivens you?

8) Experience next level support from other women.

A third of daily speech is small talk. In a women’s retreat, you are given the opportunity to immerse in far more than surface chats. Because when you get a bunch of women in the same room who are asking deeper questions or focusing on reconnecting with themselves, the conversation changes, and it impacts the conversation you have with yourself, too.

Another advantage of going on a women’s retreat is nobody has preconceptions of who you are. You have a space to explore openly. The level of trust and authenticity able to be built between a group of women is amazing. Far more nourishing than networking is a room in which all agendas are checked – and you can be seen, heard, and validated for who you are.

9) Shift your perspective on life.

While a change of scenery brings a fresh outlook, a transformational women’s retreat challenges your perceptions at a deeper level. Our perceptions define much of our life experience, but how many of the lenses you carry about yourself and the world are serving you?

Within a women’s retreat focused on honing attention inwards, you may uncover limiting beliefs, outdated narratives, and hidden desires shaping your life which you no longer wish to ascribe to. Where are you still telling yourself you “should” or “need” to be or do or have something? Where are you committing to something you don’t actually want to?

10) Awaken to new possibilities.

Whether it’s a renewed sense of purpose, clarity about a life change, or simply remembering the connection to your inner voice, retreats unlock something powerful. Emboldened by the support of other women, you are more inclined to move from a place of possibility in your life.

If you’ve been in a liminal space, aware you are moving towards change but unclear of what it even is, a retreat can be a place that helps you to find more clarity and courage to begin making steps in a new direction.

More Than a Getaway—A Gateway to Your Inner Power

This summer, instead of another trip that fades into memory, why not embark on a journey that rejuvenates and transforms you from within? A women’s retreat isn’t just a trip away —it’s an invitation to return to yourself.

Aimee Hansen is founder and lead facilitator of Storyteller Within and is based on Lake Atitlan in Guatemala. The Journey Into Sacred Expression women’s retreat has been recommended by Lonely Planet Wellness Escapes and The Write Life. Join her amidst volcanic landscapes for a self-exploratory writing journey, meditation, yoga, movement and ceremonies. Summer dates are June 21-28, 2025 and July 26 – August 2, 2025. Follow her and Storyteller Within on instagram.

focus on what matters“You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”
― Pema Chödrön

It can be tough to follow arbitrary advice to be less stressed, do more self-care, and spend more time ‘sparking joy’ while writing emails and trying to eat a salad. Our advice this Women’s History Month is much like Nike’s clever advertising campaign of “You can’t win, so win”. If you want to go all the way, then go all the way in your career in Corporate America, do not let anyone tell you that you cannot succeed. We would go further and say win on your own terms, define your own success however that is to you. Know what you want and what you are ready to do and if it resonates with you to avoid stress, overwork and overwhelm in these strange times then that, too, is a message to listen to.

In a world overflowing with distractions, tapping into your own voice and ignoring nonsense is a powerful act of self-care and productivity. We take in over five times more data daily than we did in 2011 and being stricter about the scroll in our lives allows us to preserve our energy, focus on what truly matters, and build lives that are more fulfilling and less cluttered with irrelevant noise.  According to experts, fear based topics like wars, erratic leaders, fear of layoffs, financial loss and reduction of rights—which seems to be our daily fare so far in 2025—creates more overwhelm and attentional bias than cat videos. Ignore the noise.

Start with You

You learn from others that inspire you and then spend time figuring out how to live your values. This year instead of the hashtags for International Women’s Day, I invite you to spend thirty minutes going deeper with yourself to figure out how to embrace what aligns with your values to create space for growth, happiness, and success.

Is the course you’re following leading you to the destination you want to reach? Are you living “outside in,” following a path where others have set the milestones and dictated how you should take each step? If this works for you, great, but if you find yourself asking “Is this it?” then consider what Bonnie Wan writes in her book “The Life Brief- A Playbook for No Regrets Living!”. She recommends “inside out” living, meaning getting real about what you want, however unconventional. And, if that means being the CEO or a dog spa owner, do everything you need to do to make it happen.

Know your Values

If you listed your values on paper, what would you write down? How would you say you lived those values? Give yourself some examples to test for accuracy as you may find you want to change words. Make your values verbs as it is in the doing of them that matters. What percentage of the time do you spend living those values?

If this feels daunting, then consider a few exercises to ensure you are spending as little as an hour per year on ensuring you know your values and are living them. Imagine you are celebrating your 100th birthday – where are you and with whom? What are you saying about what your life has looked like? What are the people around you saying in their speeches? What do you have to do now to make that a reality?

Increase your Mental Clarity

When we stop allowing ourselves to be distracted by trivial matters or irrelevant opinions, we free up mental space for things that truly require our attention. Focusing on what’s important helps us sharpen our thoughts, increase clarity, and make better decisions. Ignoring nonsense isn’t just about avoiding distractions; it’s about consciously choosing where to direct our energy. It is about being mindful and intentional about what we are doing but moreover, why we are doing it. Ignoring unproductive conversations or toxic comments allows us to maintain control over our reactions, helping us stay calm, composed, and more emotionally resilient in difficult situations. We can spend the time building trust with our colleagues so that we can get to a place of saying and hearing hard things and having radical candor.

Time is our most valuable resource. Every minute spent on trivial or irrelevant matters is a minute taken away from what truly matters. By ignoring nonsense, we reclaim that time and can devote it to more meaningful and productive activities—whether it’s pursuing personal goals, focusing on work, or spending quality time with loved ones. By being selective with your attention, you can cultivate relationships that matter and spend time on people and experiences that energize you. Not everything deserves your time and energy. Recognize what’s important and focus on it. Whether it’s in your personal life, at work, or online, ask yourself: Is this worth my attention? If the answer is no, let it go.

Instead spend time reminding yourself of your personal and professional priorities. This helps you keep perspective and make decisions about where to focus your time and energy. When nonsense arises, you can quickly assess if it aligns with your goals or if it’s something you can afford to ignore. Social media is a breeding ground for nonsense. Whether it’s heated debates, inflammatory opinions, or people airing personal grievances, it’s easy to get sucked into the drama. Consider taking regular breaks from social media or curating your feeds to include only meaningful content.

Strengthen Your Confidence by Being True to Yourself

Letting go of the urge to please everyone or respond to every negative comment builds self-assurance. By ignoring what doesn’t align with our values or doesn’t contribute to our growth, we assert our boundaries and reinforce our self-worth. Over time, this enhances our confidence and makes it easier to focus on our goals without being derailed by irrelevant opinions.

Of course, there are times when engagement is necessary—whether it’s addressing genuine concerns, advocating for yourself, or standing up for others. The key is knowing when something is worth your time and when it’s just noise. When in doubt, pause and evaluate the potential impact of engaging.

At the end of the day, success—however you define it—begins with clarity, confidence, and the courage to ignore the noise. By tuning out distractions and aligning your actions with your values, you create a path that is both fulfilling and sustainable. So, as you move forward, ask yourself: What truly deserves your time? What will you let go of to make space for what matters?

Define your own version of winning—and go all in.

Work with us as you navigate your career. Coaching starts at $300 per session and we offer a fifteen-minute exploratory needs call for assessing how we can help you and for a chemistry fit. Book HERE

By Nicki Gilmour, founder and CEO of theglasshammer.com and Evolved People Coaching

Anna De Jong“A lot of people will tell you this or that can’t be done, and that goes for your personal and your professional life, but don’t take that as a given,” advises Anna de Jong. “Have the confidence and be strong until you get the answer that works for you.”

De Jong speaks about how the journey you take is what shapes you, the importance of knowing yourself and having the confidence to pursue the important questions.

What Defines You is the Journey You’re On

After growing up in a small village in the north of Holland, where she felt her limbs wanting to stretch even as a girl, de Jong adventured for a half year opportunity in London that became fifteen years between Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley and other firms, thriving amidst a diversity of people, experiences, inspiration and opportunities.

Just when she reached the point of considering a move back to Holland for family motivations two years ago, PGIM Fixed Income approached about her current role in the Netherlands, which met the professional trajectory she also wanted. With London life having felt as much like home to her, de Jong reframes the question of where are you from to what it’s really about.

“It’s not where you’re from that matters. It’s just a box that people want to put you in. Ultimately, it’s about the journey that you’re on and the journey that you take that opens doors, or closes them,” she reflects.

It’s About The Personal Factor

The people factor has always magnetized her to her work. “In my field of work, I work for my clients and prospects, and I need to very quickly understand who I’m dealing with and how to progress things,” says de Jong. “You must be able to read people quickly in order to be successful, and that still holds today. I think that human element is what makes me most content in my work.”

De Jong advises that when working closely with others, it’s important to know yourself so you don’t lose your own intentions in any deal or interaction: “I’ve learned you need to hold your ground. You must understand yourself in order to do well professionally, but also personally. That’s a journey I also help other people with: stick with your convictions, yet be open to learning.”

Being approachable is important to de Jong: “I don’t think in different levels. I’ve learned from all walks of life and different parts of business and people,” says de Jong. “I’m always available and listening to everybody around. I am genuinely interested in people, and I think if you can understand what’s going on, then a lot of things make more sense, and it also matters when achieving the right results.”

De Jong notes that while remote working has been validated, being together with your team and clients is invaluable for creating connection and work culture.

“Covid is a lonely time, I think,” she reflects. “And ultimately you spend so much of your time at work. It’s good to see people, but being behind a screen also hides a lot. There’s no longer an excuse for saying that we can’t work from home because we all clearly can, but it’s also important to be with colleagues and have face-to-face time.”

Knowing and Balancing Your Values

“Someone once told me that when your career takes off, something else is going to suffer. For a long time, I was convinced that you have to work very hard while other things would have to take a backseat,” says de Jong. “ I have become of the opinion that’s entirely untrue. You are actually more successful when you understand what is really important to you and cultivate personal satisfaction, as well.”

Years ago, a friend introduced de Jong to a four pillar system. The four pillars represent what is personally important to you and emphasize keeping what matters to you in a balance. She uses the analogy of a chair, it can function with three but ideally needs four legs to be fully stable. For de Jong, she values home and family, friends, work and health: “If one gets out of whack, it makes the rest volatile and you do not perform as well, personally or professionally. It can be a juggling act, but you don’t have to forget about what’s important in your personal life in order to succeed in professional life and vice versa. In a way, they all become one.”

When the work aspect of life becomes too much, de Jong feels it’s important and okay to speak up about that, and not fall into the cultural notion of having to keep everything separate. Personally, she doesn’t resonate with a sense of being “successful” that connotes “achieving the best results regardless.”

De Jong does not perceive that getting the result, no matter what the impact on others or personal life, can ever be success. Rather, she speaks more to harmony and co-creation from a place that is aligned with your internal values.

When it comes to her personal success, “I do my work with lots of pleasure and have happy clients who are keeping and raising assets,” she notes, “but it’s also being home with my daughter and husband. It’s as elementary as that.”

De Jong feels well-matched by the atmosphere at her workspace: “PGIM Fixed Income has this fantastic work culture, that when I joined just felt like a warm blanket – where people work together, give each other challenges and opportunities. It’s been really fantastic.”

With a desire to keep growing, she is curious about pursuing courses in ESG investing and being able to mentor even more in that space.

Guidance For The Journey

“Some guidance that really stuck with me is to ask the same question until you get the right answer,” she notes, having tried this out in areas like promotion as well as anytime you’re immediately told something isn’t possible. “I will continue asking a question until I get the answer that I think works best.”

De Jong tells mentees: “Know, embrace, respect yourself and dare to be different. You have to be yourself, because if you don’t know who you are, then you don’t know where you’re going. It’s the journey you’re on that defines who you are. Embrace that.”

She emphasizes accepting and learning and being willing to let something go when it’s not the right thing. The more honest and non-judging you can be with yourself and others, feels de Jong, the more trust you build and the more you create results together. She has always advised women to be kind to each other, as it can be especially tricky to navigate in banking or finance when you first begin as a woman.

The hardest experience she’s had was in a previous role when she returned from maternity leave only two and a half months after having her daughter, and found part of her region moved from her remit and no expanded team as anticipated. Reflecting, she realizes the feeling that she could only take such a short leave was a red flag in feeling supported.

De Jong feels both men and women can contribute to normalizing parental leave by embracing it, and notes that her own husband has been a huge support.

Vocalize and Invest In Your Needs

De Jong now realizes that earlier in her career, she was often too scared to really ask for what would fulfill her, and so she often got something else. She feels it’s important to be very clear when you’re not satisfied.

“I would get frustrated but nobody seemed to notice, and then I would hand in my resignation and people were so surprised and often disappointed,” says de Jong. “They would ask, ‘why did you not tell me before?’ And I seriously thought I had, but clearly hadn’t been very vocal about my dissatisfaction.”

De Jong enjoys her four-year-old daughter, playing piano and is still looking for an experience in Holland akin to the community volunteer hub she loved in London. Her favorite volunteer work has been a charity she helped create called Launchpad Labs, which offered workspace and mentoring to those with challenging backgrounds.

“Helping others is a great way to stay on your feet to understand the bigger picture and that helps in your personal space and helps with your work,” says de Jong, “It helps to ground those four pillars and understanding what is important.”

She emphasizes investing in yourself and your personal happiness, as well as listening to your body. She loves exercise, baking, and continuing to learn and grow.

By: Aimee Hansen

Nicki GilmourOur lives changed one year ago this week, in ways we could not have predicted. Most professional women lost the office, the commute and socialization with clients, coworkers and friends in New York City, London or wherever we live and work around the country and the world.

Cities emptied as many relocated to the countryside or the suburbs. Mothers took on 15+ more hours a week of domestic work and childcare, and some left work due to the strain. Others experienced a workforce reduction that cut across every sector in one way or another.

In an unprecedented year, many of us have felt shock, pain, loss and grief in different ways for different reasons. As most changes to our world endure, this brings another level of internal processing and feelings.

In a time where the external context has felt both uncertain and unfamiliar, many of us have felt more compelled towards reconnection with our center, our internal compass and our animating purpose—What do I value? What do I want to envision and create? Where do I want to focus my energy and attention?

These questions matters, now as much or more than ever. Here are four steps to support in the process of re-evaluation:

Step 1: Feel the feels.

Let yourself feel everything, but know that you are not your emotions, rather that you experience these emotions.

Emotional Agility” is important. Being able to recognize and name how you feel and know that you can see it objectively, and not only experience it subjectively, means understanding that you are not the emotion.

Emotions are data that can help you understand what next steps are right for you. The amazing Dr. Susan David at Harvard has worked extensively on helping people understand that if we put our emotions to one side to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to deal with the world as it is, instead of as we wish it to be.

In her TedX talk, she recounts that over the years, when people say they don’t want to try something or they prefer to avoid disappointment or they want fear and shame to just go away, her humorous response is: “I understand, but you have dead people’s goals.”

David offers a free quiz to begin the journey of becoming more astute about your emotions, and her bestselling book is a great way to start getting in touch with your emotions as your guides.

“Normal, natural emotions are now seen as good or bad,” she states. “Being positive has become a new form of moral correctness. It’s unkind and ineffective.”

Ignore the societal call for relentless positivity and keep it real, so you can be honest with yourself about how you feel. You will be happier for it and more guided towards genuine contentment and joy, because you listened to yourself.

Step 2: Take Care of Inner Business.

“Wherever you go, there you are” is the saying.

Who are you? Do you behaviors line up with what you say matters to you? Or, what are you committing to, instead? How do you show up for yourself?

In her excellent book Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader and in her body of work on transitions, including during Covid (quick read here), Herminia Ibarra suggests that in the messy business of getting to where we want to go, we should consider not only our current selves but our future possible selves also.

“Possible selves are the ideas we all have about who we might want to become. Some are concrete and well-informed by experience; others are vague and fuzzy, nascent and untested,” writes Ibarra. “Some are realistic; others are pure fantasy. And, naturally, some appeal more to us than others.”

List your skills, your values and who you want to be. To self-assess your driving inner forces around recognition, fairness, and autonomy, for example, take the SCARF free quiz to see where you fall on the spectrum of these behavioral motivators.

Harvard’s longest running study on adult development suggests that while we say we want money and success, those who live the healthiest, happiest and longest actually share one essential experience —having deep human connection. That includes with ourselves.

Why not use the shake-up of this liminal time to shine an investigate light in the places where you have been on auto-pilot and check-in if you are still living in alignment with yourself, now?

Step 3: Commit to the Changes You Want to Make.

In this blurry time, I invite you to take stock as professional women to review what is working for you and what needs to simply change—in both your inner story and your outer physical world.

Change is hard and neuroscience and psychology shows us that we tend to stick with what we know through routines, even if the habits aren’t that useful to us anymore. Trying to live like we did before is pretty impossible, but being resilient and adaptable amidst whatever this new decade brings in our world is key.

It is the mental or even professional pivot, not the hanging on, that will empower you. Pivoting is something that we are all doing, whether it is small adjustments to how we work or a big transition into a new career altogether. Ibarra has always argued that we are all in transition at work, but we just don’t know it yet.

Businesses who have pivoted during the pandemic have seen the best results when they protect their core, while innovating slightly to meet needs of a changing customer. Company culture and brand purpose matters the most—who are you and what do you stand for?

If businesses are taking stock of these questions, take the same permission slip: Who are you, now? What do you value, now? Where do you wish to set your vision and put your energy, from now onwards?

Step 4: Elevate Your Development With a Coach.

I know this is going to sound strange, but as an executive and leadership coach, I effectively spend four to eight hours per day inside other people’s heads. Like in the movie Being John Malkovich, I become privy to the inner voices that we all have, and it is fascinating to witness the “truths” that we all tell ourselves.

We all have a bunch of constructs, albeit different ones, that make up our default operating system. Your brain, mostly your unconscious, is running the show and is building data models day and night via associative process. This comprises your worldview or mental model, literally the lens through which you experience your life—unless seen, challenged, disrupted and revisioned.

We’re often blind to what creates our limits and blocks. We all have goals, but we need to surface our subconscious gremlins, who are trying to thwart are best-laid plans for change by creating hidden competing agendas.

A great model for approaching this internal work by yourself is available in the book Immunity to Change, which really is a life-altering read that I have discussed at length here on the site. Imposter syndrome runs rampant with successful overachievers, and I have not met one client yet who doesn’t have some deep fear of failure, wobbly sense of worthiness, or hidden insecurity or shame.

But you don’t have to be beholden to these gremlins anymore, and you don’t have to overcome them alone, either.

You can do so much to clear the debris and make real change uninterrupted by your subconscious fears. Neuroscience research has now caught up with what social psychologists have been hypothesizing on for decades: The brain is high elastic or plastic and even the most entrenched behaviors can be modified.

Ibarra and others suggest that coaches are key to the process of making the changes you most hunger for: Firstly, in talking it all out. Secondly, in helping you make real and actionable plans. Thirdly, in acting as an accountability partner and advocate to be in your corner as you navigate the course to new territory.

Are you ready?

If you would like to work with Nicki Gilmour as your executive coach, she has some (daytime only) spots left or we have a cadre of vetted professional coaches available (some have evenings available). Please click here for an exploratory call.

Packages start at $799 for 2 sessions, 5 sessions for $1999 and ten sessions for $3,899.

by Nicki Gilmour, CEO and Founder, Evolved People (theglasshammer.com)

business meeting at office deskWould you apply to work at the meat factory if you are a strict vegetarian? Most people would say no (dire circumstances excepting), and some people would say yes. This is obviously an extreme example of how our values control which job we do and who we will happily work for.

However, how work gets done in your team or firm often is to do with values (the leader or manager’s values mostly). When interviewing for a new job it is sometimes hard to ascertain what the team or company culture is. Ask these three questions to get closer to the answers that otherwise remain hidden to the naked eye:

  • What is the trait or behavior that makes people succeed here?
  • What is the most challenging part of working here?
  • Value x (insert your value) e.g. fairness, is important to me- how does that rank here in the top 3 lived values and is that stated anywhere in the mission or charter?

If you can get honest answers to these questions, you will get a handle on the culture and of course you need to know your values also!

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com if you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work