Tag Archive for: career tips

Dealing with a Narcissist at work

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

No matter what the job entails task-wise (competence assumed), it is the politics and the inter-personal dynamics that will make or break you.

Image via Shutterstock - Office Politics

Image via Shutterstock

Personality, we all have one, but some people definitely make the workday easier or tougher due to their personality quirks.

The Fall 2016 edition of the HBR’s On Point magazine explores working with different types of people at work including stars who are narcissistic and detrimental to team performance, morale and culture. I think timing is everything and it is no coincidence that this season’s issue on this topic coincides with an election in the US as the articles included span 15 years of research. Other articles include a coaching the alpha male, toxic employees and sabotaging colleagues.

Teams with members who have a narcissistic personality in them often suffer the most individually and as a group, as the person in question often has no clue that the impact of their actions is hard on others.

Even if their have the best of intentions for themselves and if they think they are being benevolent, it is literally impossible for them to think out long term consequences due to the need to look good in the moment. Remind you of anyone?

These folks are often star performers, often male (although not limited to males) and therefore get away with bad behaviors due to their “numbers” or other specific skills. The trouble manifests when they are allowed to run meetings, chastise support staff and generally get an ounce of power or responsibility that they interpret as power to be use and abused.

How many times have you seen this person interrupt others or shut down team brainstorming ideas? How many staff members has he or she upset?

So, how do you deal with someone who is demeaning, demotivating and discrediting the work of others and causing a cultural issue by making bad behavior acceptable?
If you are the boss, manager or leader then you have an opportunity to ensure that the team structure focuses experts on their narrow role such as keeping narcissistic sales people selling. Role and task definition makes it easier for all people to know what they need to do and also need not to do. Conversations around behavior change absent of structural change are often wasted on this person and coaching is not impossible but not easy.

If you are not the boss, then work for companies that just do not tolerate bad behavior (rare, I know) or keeps these folks contained so that they are self-contained and do not become toxic employees or even worst, they become leaders.

If the boss is a narcissist then you may have an inspiring personality at the helm with vision or an espoused vision and often have loyal followers. These leaders expect adulation and empathy and wont return the favor. As the article by Michael Maccoby exploring the pros and cons of narcissistic leaders in the HBR roundup by states, “ Narcissists have a vision –but that is not enough. People in mental hospitals have visions.”

My opinion on the matter is that life is short, get a different job with a mentally stable boss and given the choice don’t make them leaders of your team, company or country.

If you are interested in hiring an Executive Coach to help you navigate your career then please email Nicki@theglasshammer.com to discuss further

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Making sure you are in the running for a promotion

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women shaking handsIf you are lucky enough to work for a really great company that has a robust, unbiased, transparent talent process then you can probably skip this post. But wait, not so fast, how can you tell if your firm is good at ensuring that the best talent regardless of any other factor gets promoted?

I can think of three ways to heighten your chances

  • Ask what the process is
  • Ask what you have to do specifically to get to the next level/beyond
  • Make sure you have sponsors to broaden and deepen your portfolio of work because women still mostly get promoted on past performance as opposed to some men truly get promoted on what others think they will be capable of growing into (future potential not fact- yes this still happens)

Here is the kicker. I have done several consulting projects with women’s networks and I even wrote a Masters thesis at Columbia University on how networks can be formally connected to the talent process (sadly, often they are not related to a direct promotional path and interestingly this if often due to the resistance of the women inside the network-which in part is often due to the reason the network exists is to provide a container for shared experiences). So, if you want your membership of a network to be part of your strategy to advance, then make sure it is doing that and ways to tangibly use it include access to senior management, find a sponsor and more that we have covered in the past 4-5 weeks in this column.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com if you would like to hire a coach to help you navigate your career

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How networks can increase motivation, well-being and even increase performance

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Professional-networking-advice featuredLast week we talked about how having psychological safety at work is a key to feeling happy and performing well. We have also talked about employees networks recently and there is a case to say that the two are connected and if you can find support and connection here, then why not join one? They could be good for the soul and tangibly useful for tips to advance and a place to find mentors and sponsors. Maybe chatting with peers around a number of subjects will be valuable to you, ranging from social matters such as juggling parental/elder care commitments to a specific project that you want to talk more about. Either way, networks create space and time to talk in, learn in and connect with others in.

It is worth noting three things about networks though. Firstly, not everyone is created with the same amount of desire for contact and affiliation and it is wrong to assume that your need to feel part of something is equal to the next person. As an executive coach, I firmly believe that you should know yourself first ( psychometric tests will help us give your data back to you on this matter).
Secondly, it is also wrong to assume that all women are this or that. We are individuals with varying degrees of extraversion, confidence etc just as men are. What is systemic are the assumptions around what we are however and that is where you get to choose how to fill in the gaps when people think they know you. Remember you, according to you and you according to them are sometimes distant cousins.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com if you would like to hire a coach to help you navigate your career

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4 Reasons to get involved in your women’s network (or other Employee Resource Group at work)

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Professional-networking-advice featuredLast week, I rather scathingly pointed out that taking on the responsibility to hire and promote women via your women’s network was to put it diplomatically, a long haul strategy.

This week I am going to outline what you should do in your network (and why you should join it)

  1. Advocacy is a powerful tool- advocating for an issue to be paid attention to is often where change starts. Advocating for others is powerful also (sponsorship) and finally advocating for yourself is crucial, raise you hand and put yourself out there for the next promotion or job.
  2. Personal visibility and access to people you would not otherwise have access to (this is a way to start a conversation with senior people)
  3. Networking with each other – peer, higher and reverse mentoring and connections are always a good thing to propel you forward in everyday work – knowing who to ask to get stuff done is what it is all about.
  4. Learning in a specific container creates mental and physical space, hence we hold panels at theglasshammer.com where people can mark time in their calendar to learn new insights.

More on this all summer long.

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Why Working For a Good Company Makes a Big Difference

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happy man with womenI coach women across many firms, most in the financial services industry and most in a variety of roles and although there are very individual reasons why people come to me for coaching ranging from wanting to leave to wanting to stay and get a promotion and sometimes when they have been a casualty of a restructure. While the old adage “people leave managers not firms” is definitely true, I have to say that I more and more see people leaving companies due to the fact they just do not believe that they are getting the best ROI for their time and energy spent. For years, we were told that women do not ask for promotions and pay increases and this is frankly nonsense as they are asking in various ways but sometimes just not being heard due to systemic issues at companies that are less evolved.

In short, working for a progressive company makes all the difference as the water is provided for the fish of all types and no one is left grasping for basic air supply.

If you are looking to go further then consider getting a coach. Not all are created equal and I would recommend people with coaching certificates from good universities or else coaches with an organizational psychology background as they can help you spot the company’s good points and flaws on a systemic level so we are not just telling you to lean in. Isn’t it time that the companies leaned in?

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com if you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work

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5 tips to being happier at work

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ProfessionalWoman-comfort-zoneLook, we cannot all be in our dream jobs (or can we?) but while we are working on that, here are three tips to be happier and more productive at work.

  • Find your passion in the small things. Which tasks are enjoyable to do and how can you do more of them?
  • Find kindred spirits to connect with at work. People are happier at work if they have positive interactions with other people so try and find common ground with co-workers on professional topics as well as personal connections. If you so inclined, join an employee network or committee because this is also a good way to know about future opportunities in other teams etc.
  • Enjoy your life outside work so that you can plow through tough days knowing that work is just one element that you need to feel wonderful about. (This last point is often difficult for so many of us who are so invested in our careers but try it, smell the roses more.)

Good luck!

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com if you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work

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Know your values and know their values when interviewing for a new job

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business meeting at office deskWould you apply to work at the meat factory if you are a strict vegetarian? Most people would say no (dire circumstances excepting), and some people would say yes. This is obviously an extreme example of how our values control which job we do and who we will happily work for.

However, how work gets done in your team or firm often is to do with values (the leader or manager’s values mostly). When interviewing for a new job it is sometimes hard to ascertain what the team or company culture is. Ask these three questions to get closer to the answers that otherwise remain hidden to the naked eye:

  • What is the trait or behavior that makes people succeed here?
  • What is the most challenging part of working here?
  • Value x (insert your value) e.g. fairness, is important to me- how does that rank here in the top 3 lived values and is that stated anywhere in the mission or charter?

If you can get honest answers to these questions, you will get a handle on the culture and of course you need to know your values also!

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com if you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work

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International Women’s Day

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women smilingInternational Women’s Day known as IWD is on Tuesday 8th March this year and we have great coverage from our writers, our clients and our partners all month long.

The career tip of the week has a distinct hint of counting our blessings as we look at the broader scope of women everywhere. My advice today is to get out of the weeds and do some big picture perspective taking today. Never mind the nitty gritty at work, list the 3 regular tasks that you enjoy most at work currently. Now look ahead at what you want to achieve in the next 18 months. Are you on track to increase the number of things that you enjoy doing? If so, excellent! if not, time to think about what is your next move to improve your work life and while you are at it, take a look at the big picture also. What can you commit to doing to make your life overall better and more fulfilling?

Check theglasshammer.com all month for our International Women’s Day coverage and our usual selection of excellent profiles.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com if you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work

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Help, my manager is killing my career

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women stressedChances are if you like your manager, your team mates and the tasks at hand are still interesting, then you may be less likely to jump ship unless you are vastly underpaid or you have a personal situation that requires your attention. There is a saying that “People leave managers, not companies,” and a bad manager changes everything. If your relationship is less than cordial with your manager, this can permeate daily interactions to a point where you feel that he or she is a hindrance to your advancement or even your emotional wellbeing in the worst case scenario (and I hear about this more than you think with serial offenders showing patterns with the new hires.) This issue is very tricky and I hesitate to give advice in a one size fits all matter since there is nuance to this topic and I would advise you to speak to your career coach or a trusted advisor first.

What can you do? Explore other options within the same company and navigate the politics by lunching with peers from other teams and even get a sponsor who a leader (the boss of your boss, or higher or a different team leader) so that you can start to understand the bigger picture of mobility, project allocation and promotional tracks. Also, sometimes a bad manager isn’t just someone who has a bad personality but someone who is stuck between a rock and a hard place themselves suffering from systemic constraints ( such as lack of resources, understaffed etc.) and so you have to figure out if this is a temporary issue or a true sign of dysfunction of the entire company.

Failing that, sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade and move on. There are other firms out there.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com if you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work

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Is being a pessimist at work bad for your career?

pessimist1Is the office coffee maker half empty or half full? Does simply ‘thinking positively’ help to achieve the desired outcome, or does being too upbeat remove your ability to critically analyze and learn from business and life situations? Does pessimism allow you to spot the obstacles lurking ahead in the distance?

Read more

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