“I tell people if you’re about to interview for a job, take our confidence language quiz because it will give you the words to advocate for yourself. You start to have the vocabulary for the conversation, including repositioning your weaknesses. When you understand your superpowers, you should feel seen, valued and heard – and in turn, you can advocate to be seen, valued and heard for your unique talents.”
We interviewed Lisa Sun, Founder and CEO of GRAVITAS, a company on a mission to catalyze confidence. In her first annual performance review, at 22 years old, Sun received what ultimately became life-changing catalytic words, “Lisa comes across as young and overly enthusiastic at times. She should seek to have more gravitas.”
After a decade of consulting with McKinsey & Company, Sun took a year-long travel sabbatical to step back from it all, before eventually launching her size-inclusive fashion brand in 2013. Within weeks of founding GRAVITAS, she was featured in O Magazine, People and on the TODAY Show, and later on CNN and in Forbes, Fast Company and more.
GRAVITAS has come to blend empowering professional clothing with inspiring content to help people show up as their full selves in full confidence from the inside out. As the national best-selling author of GRAVITAS: The 8 Strengths That Redefine Confidence, the podcast host of “In Confidence,” and a sought-after public speaker, Sun busts through the narrow cultural myth of one-dimensional confidence and inspires people to find their personal route to self-belief.
Based upon observation from thousands of diverse interactions across a decade and a 1,000 person quantitative study, Sun invites you to encounter your natural confidence language and identify your own superpowers at MyConfidenceLanguage.com.
Q: When you first made your career pivot from consulting, you started with fashion, so let’s begin there. Can you say more about the decision to lean into the external component of confidence?
For me, the unlock was realizing it’s not about how other people see you. It’s about how you see yourself and how you want to see yourself. That’s how outer and inner confidence are connected, because when you look in the mirror, you want to have a reminder you are powerful, self-assured, and bring talents and gifts to the world.
A lot of the work we’ve done is around the fact that, as children, we’re born fully self-confident. But then, something changes. We’ve identified six forces that enter our lives at adolescence, and then stay with us as the inner critic.
People find it weird we began in fashion because we see ourselves on a mission to catalyze confidence. But I started as a fashion company because I realized where women feel the most amount of insecurity is in the dressing room. It’s when you’re standing there half naked, in front of a mirror with poor lighting, that you start to think all the dark thoughts about yourself.
Inner confidence relates to how we see ourselves when we look in the mirror. Do we see ourselves in our best light? Most people think look at the new wrinkle or I could lose ten pounds. The conversation starts at the inner critic, and it’s a deep source of insecurity. Some people may never get to the point of thinking I have great eyes or I love the way I look and feel in this. Think about the difference in those two conversations.
When we do “The Confidence Closet,” what we call our fitting consultations, people come in with negative self-talk, pointing out flaws. I mirror to them three things I see that are beautiful, and we find something that brings those traits out.
A lot of the work is changing someone’s mindset. That’s why, in my book, I say confidence is a choice and a mindset before it becomes a behavior. And if you bring a negative mindset into any setting – dressing room, boardroom, any of those places – you’ve set yourself up to fail.
I envisioned we could change the chemistry of that dressing room moment of deep insecurity and instead give people clothing that reminds them of their own strengths and power. That’s why I started in fashion.
Q: Can you tell us more about these six forces and how they come to form the inner critic?
As children, we’re born self-confident. If you’ve ever been around a five-year-old, they are self-confident. Imagine you ask, “What are you the best at in the world?” They’ll say “I’m the best at soccer” or “I’m the best at hugs” or “I’m the best at everything.” At that age, we haven’t yet experienced setback or disappointment.
But in our adolescence, we start to become doubtful or self-conscious, so we identified six forces that enter our lives somewhere between the ages of eight and 12 years old. That inner critic stays. It’s nobody’s fault. It just happens because your social circle widens, you’re exposed to shame and embarrassment and you experience setbacks.
To be authentically self-assured, we need to make a choice to see those six forces, to choose not to take direction from them, and then to start to see ourselves for the talents that we bring to the table.
The six forces we identified are firstly, deficit mindset. This is where you see your flaws over your strengths. So, for example, when you look in the mirror, do you look for your beautiful eyes or the new wrinkle that formed?
Second, the shrinking effect. This is where you underestimate yourself or shortchange yourself. This is why people say “sorry” all day long when they haven’t done anything wrong. I tell people say “thank you” not “sorry.” Because if you say “sorry,” it assumes something is wrong with you. Shrinking effect is also why women will only apply for a job if 100% qualified to sit in the seat. They shortchange themselves. Whereas men will be like, “I’m 60% qualified, why not? There’s no harm.”
Third, the satisfaction conundrum. This is where we tie our self-worth to an external marker of success. I’ll be happy when I get that promotion, I’ll be happy when I get a raise. I’m not saying not to have goals, but when we tie our self-worth to an external marker, what happens? If we get it, it’s like a treadmill. We just chase the next one. I lost 10 pounds. I could lose another five. Or if we don’t, we beat ourselves up, and we don’t see all the abundance in our lives outside of that marker.
Fourth, the superhero facade. I got this. I’m awesome. Let me post on LinkedIn, so everyone’s reminded. Shonda Rhimes inspired me when she said, “Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life.” Because if you’re a superhero, no one is invited to have fingerprints on your journey. The most confident people in the world will say, “Here’s what’s going well. Here’s where I need help. Are you the person to help me?”
Fifth, the setback spiral. This is where a negative moment, a criticism, or a disappointment expounds to how you feel about your entire life. So, my boss just gave me some feedback, and that must mean I’m a terrible sister, mother, best friend. All parts of my life are off.
Sixth, systemic bias. This is the asymmetrical structures of power and the mirror it holds up to us. For example, it took me twice as long as my male colleagues to get to partnership in consulting. It should have taken me six years. It took me nearly 12. But when I joined my firm in the 2000’s, less than 13% of the partnership was women, so I can’t beat myself up over that, because it’s simply a reflection the scorecard wasn’t designed to see me.
We developed the six forces framework because it’s a great way for people to talk to their inner critic. We always ask people which they’ve ever felt and which have they felt most often. We find that when you can name why you feel insecurity or fear, when you can name what is going on, when you can have a conversation with your inner critic, it changes things.
For example, Why am I scared to apply for the job? It’s shrinking effect. I’m underestimating myself. When you can name it, you take away its power. You also come to realize everyone else has the inner critic, so you can have compassion. Ultimately, if you can face down the worst case scenario created by the six forces, then you can take your superpowers and look at the best case. And the most likely scenario is closer to your best case because you’re in control.
Objectively, these six forces are true for anyone except for systemic bias, right? But they affect women more. These forces get better for boys and worse for girls because men have historically created and controlled the system, so it favors men or boys as they go through it. Everyone has an inner critic – men, women, non-binary – but systems aren’t shaped to help women overcome these six forces.
Q: Now, on the flip side, tell us more about the eight strengths of gravitas, or eight superpowers, that you’ve been able to identify to diversify the understanding of confidence.
Our quantitative study into confidence was inspired by the conversation when Janet Yellen was nominated to be Chair of the Federal Reserve. There were all these articles repeating how she didn’t have the “gravitas” to lead the Fed. One op-ed in the Washington Post pointed out this was just because she was soft-spoken. She is also qualified, empathetic and collaborative. The op-ed questioned why we only label people as having gravitas if they’re outspoken and assertive. So this quantitative study was designed to recognize someone like Yellen has plenty of gravitas, even if she’s not the loudest voice in the room.
We found eight superpowers that came through in the data. The first two are Leading and Performing.
Leading is I’m in charge, I set direction, I inspire followership. It doesn’t mean you have to lead a team. It means you have clear vision, take agency and can command resources.
Performing is what I’m doing for you in this talk. I’m outspoken, charismatic, and I don’t mind an audience. I’m comfortable speaking in front of others.
Those two strengths are the most written about. In terms of confidence, they represent less than 20% of our data set, so 80% of people (not just women, people, as this is designed to be universal) in our data set do not have those two superpowers, and that means 80% of people have been made to feel lacking.
The next two are called Achieving and Knowing.
Achieving is I have an athlete mindset. I get things done on time. I meet or exceed targets. Practice makes perfect. If I fail, I get up again.
Knowing is I’m smart. I’m researched. I’m thoughtful. I’m the most detail-oriented person in the room. You want to build Ikea furniture with someone who has Knowing because they’re going to read the entire instruction manual and have the process set up.
The best example of these superpowers are the three black women in the movie “Hidden Figures.” They were the smartest human computers who could do all the math to put a man into space.
The next two are called Giving and Believing.
Giving is I’m nurturing, I’m empathetic, I care about others. I care about relationships.
Believing is I’m optimistic. If bad things happen, they weren’t meant to be. I see the best in everyone in every situation.
If you’re familiar with Ted Lasso, his form of confidence is Believing and Giving. In season 1 of the show, he says he’s been underestimated his whole life because he’s not a commander coach. He’s not here to win or to lose, but to help everyone be the best versions of themselves.
The last two strengths are Creating and Self-Sustaining.
Creating is my number one superpower. That is I believe in things before I can see them. I can will ideas new existence. I could create something from nothing.
Self-Sustaining is I like myself. I don’t need to impress you. External validation is nice, but it doesn’t define me.
Self-sustaining is particularly hard for women, and tends to appear most often in women over the age of 50, who are like, I’ve seen it and done it all. Nothing can harm me. It’s the quality most needed to ask for a favor, a raise or overcome criticism without spiraling.
The four superpowers that appear most often amongst women in our data set are Achieving, Knowing, Giving and Believing. What we don’t often say is the entire book is ultimately an exercise in building the Self-Sustaining superpower. Because when you have that strength, you just know your value.
Q: Are your superpowers based only upon capacity or also enjoyment?
It’s more around natural enjoyment! All eight superpowers are available to everyone with effort and intention. But the reason I call it a “route to self-belief” is your superpowers are the ones you’re distinctive at without trying, without effort. These are your talents. This is what you can bring to the table without pushing yourself.
It should feel joyful. It should feel impassioned when you get your quiz results. It feels like that’s why I am in the room. You bring these distinctive superpowers to leadership.
On this note, people are often shocked to find out I only have four and a half of the superpowers. My top ones are Creating, Leading, Performing. At first, I had only these three. I’ve been consciously working on developing Giving & Self-Sustaining. And for the ones I don’t have, I hire people around me.
For example, I don’t have Achieving or Knowing. People are often shocked and point out how I get things done or I’m super smart, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy the element underneath that! I have a spreadsheet that’s due this week, and it’s like pulling teeth. It’s not like I can’t do it; I just don’t like doing it, so that’s not my strength.
Q: Is it only about working with the strengths you naturally have or also about developing the other strengths?
To me, it’s an “and.” I say in life, everything is an “and’ instead of a “but” or an “or. When someone tells you to be more confident, what do you do? You speak up. You’re assertive. You’re outspoken. But if you look up the word ‘confidence’ in the dictionary, it has nothing to do with bravado or swagger. It’s an understanding of, appreciation of and trust in your own abilities. It’s your own mindset before it becomes an expression.
The analogy we use is the iceberg model. Only 10% of the iceberg is visible – it’s behavior. 90% of the iceberg is below the waterline – it’s thoughts, values, feelings, wants and needs. So much of authentic confidence comes from understanding what’s below the water line. How do you think and feel about yourself? Are your talents valuable to you even when not traditionally ascribed as worthy of noticing?
At the same time, you might be in an organization or cultural context where there’s one or two superpowers you’re being asked to develop. It doesn’t take away from the foundation of strengths you bring. Some things will never be natural to you, but you still may need to learn that particular skill set, because it will help you to advance.
From our MyConfidenceLanguage.com quiz, we find that as women climb the ladder, they go from having two superpowers to four, or more. It’s not a personality test. It’s an inventory of talents and abilities in the moment. Then you get to take ownership and control over which ones you want to develop and why.
Q: Are certain superpowers more important for advancing in leadership?
I will give you a fun little twist in the data. Self-Sustaining is a superpower needed for a raise but not for a promotion. If you’re asking for a raise, you want to say, “Here’s my external market value. You’re going to give it to me or someone else will. And if you say ‘no,’ I know my potential in the market.” You can actually say it with authority from a market standpoint.
Whereas asking for a promotion is more around Leading and Achieving. “Here are my accomplishments. Here’s why I deserve the title change. Here’s why…” In that context, you are actually making a case for proving your value. So it’s a little different than Self-Sustaining which is, “This is the money I deserve in the market, and we can negotiate about it, but I know my value and my worth.”
People who have the Giving superpower are really good at emotionally intelligent behaviors, but are less comfortable advocating for themselves. And it’s worth noting that any women in our segmentation who had Leading as a superpower was two-to-three times more comfortable in each of thirty diverse situations we proposed. We don’t often emphasize this correlation, because we don’t want people to lean on or overvalue this one traditionally valued superpower.
Q: In terms of systemic bias, talk about the gravitas scorecard against which women are being benchmarked.
Kelly Shue at Yale School of Management (and others) looked at 30,000 employee records and found that women were consistently rated the highest on results in performance but the lowest on promotability. Men were very promotable but didn’t rate nearly as high on performance.
When she double-clicked into promotion potential, it was based on extraversion, charisma, and assertiveness. And so 40% of the pay gap related to promotion can now be identified as an incomplete scorecard. The scorecard is not scoring for actual management potential and results, because it often overlooks things like Achieving, Knowing, Giving – all the things women over-index on in our data set.
My mom just says, “It’s okay. When tsunami happens, men make speeches. Women clean up the beaches. We give the hugs and we get the work done.” It’s funny, but true. If men created the system and they value things like Leading and Performing, but women’s highest frequency of superpowers are not that, this explains the scorecard difference.
For example, in our book, we share the example of Susan, who booked a “confidence closet” fitting with me. As VP of Finance for a health insurance company, she had her sights on the CFO role since the current CFO was retiring. But the CEO told her she didn’t have the gravitas. She was so upset, so I asked her to question what he meant by that statement. We found out her top superpowers were Knowing, Giving and Achieving. Her CEO grew up in sales, so his top superpowers were Leading and Performing. His version of gravitas would be those superpowers, which means he was probably not scoring her strengths.
I encouraged her to advocate for the talents she brought to the table and find out how he defined gravitas. She confirmed he wanted her to speak up and take charge more, and she expressed she is comfortable doing that with clear opportunities and was open to coaching. She also had the highest engagement scores in the company because of her Giving superpower, and I told her to put that in his face. She promoted the lunchtime membership program she held for her team of 100 people as a driver of those engagement scores and demonstrated Leading by bringing the program idea to other divisions. A year later, she got the CFO job.
You simply can’t leave anything to mystery. You need to find out what these broad statements really mean and not let the six forces take over. You need to find the language of confidence that can help you advocate for yourself.
Q: Let’s go more into your unique journey. What motivated you back when you were in consulting versus what motivates you now?
As a consultant, I was so obsessed with making partner, I missed out on simply taking in the experience of being with my teammates and my clients and making a difference. I missed out on all that abundance, because I was laser-focused on the brass ring of making partner. I loved my clients. I loved my team. And when you consider my superpowers, it makes sense that’s what truly I loved about it.
But I was not good at so many things about being a consultant, and I fought through them. What the firm wanted from me and what I was actually good at were very different things. The scorecard of a good consultant was not built for me. I know this now, but all I wanted was to be successful, and I got caught up in external validation (satisfaction conundrum in full force!).
As soon as I put down the measuring stick and the metrics that were imposed upon me, I started to create my own measuring stick: Am I making a difference in the world? How can I help women?
I don’t have as much wealth now, the fancy business card or the title. There’s so many things I was willing to walk away from when I changed the measuring stick. But now, I am 100% more aligned with what I should be doing. I’m finally doing my life’s work. I love and resonate with Jensen Huang’s sentiment in that I’m not always happy, but I definitely love what I do every day.
Q: You emphasize that “Confidence is a choice and a mindset before it becomes a behavior.” How does that compare with the notion that it’s taking action that creates the result of confidence?
To start, I am not a “fake it to make it” person. When I was on book tour, an old boss told me he was going to call BS on my origin story about being told I didn’t have gravitas, because I was a “very confident 25 year old.” My reply to him was that I was faking it. I was deeply insecure, overachieving, and I went home every night and hated myself in the hotel room, while everyone just told me to speak up more.
For eleven years, I played that role, but I fundamentally didn’t like myself. So sometimes, the doing is inauthentic to how you actually feel. If I could travel back in time, I would give my 23 year old self this book. I would tell her she has lots of reasons not to loathe herself.
So, part of our approach is advising if you’re going to do it, then do it from a place of strength. The word ‘pivot’ isn’t just about a change in direction. It’s a central point on which you turn, and you’re going to be that much more capable if you know what gas you have in the tank. If you know what that central point is made of, you’re going to be more able to handle the bumps and bruises along the way. The doing is better if your starting point is an awareness of how strong you are. Life doesn’t get easier. We get stronger. If you acknowledge the strength up front, the doing is not as bumpy.
Otherwise, you can go out and take risk, but the first time you experience setback or disappointment, are you going to be able to self-soothe? If you just do it and fake it, you won’t be able to handle the feedback, and you won’t be able to handle the growth. Are you going to be able to say to yourself, here’s what I learned, I’m still strong and valuable even though it didn’t go my way – and do it again? That’s the difference.
My friend, Dr. Wendy Borlabi, is a performance expert. She says it’s not win-loss; it’s win-learn. Win-learn is a more powerful methodology, but you can’t win-learn unless you already like yourself and unless you’re pretty self-assured about what you bring to the table. Then, you can handle the tough learning curve.
Instead of MVP, I think the best award to win is most improved player. I love the journaling practice of documenting gratitude. But, I also have a “how did I get stronger?” journal. I like to consider how did I get stronger from last year or from yesterday? Part of gravitas is acknowledging your strengths up front, and then when life doesn’t go your way, you can still see how you got stronger beyond the external outcomes.
Q: Sometimes, our confidence falters because we’re displaced. In your personal journey, you faced a crossroads where you stepped back from the work you’d done as a consultant and “connected the dots” about where life wanted to take you. What guidance can you offer to women who are there?
Firstly, ask this. What was the best moment in the last 12 to 24 months of your life? Often we are so focused on the summit, we don’t look back to see how much ground we’ve covered. So I ask people to find the best moment – personal and professional – and double-click into that moment to ask what you did to make that moment a reality. It did not happen by luck or chance. It was your strengths and talents that made it happen.
When things aren’t going our way, whether jobs or relationships or whatever, it’s good to tap into “core memories” that did not happen by chance. You can even pick a photo of a meaningful moment and keep it on your phone to remind you of what you’ve already done. Remind yourself that a momentary setback does not define you. Peak performance moments do.
Secondly, I went through my own journey where I asked three questions that are also in my book: What am I good at? What do I love to do? What am I passionate about?
They sound the same, but they’re different.
What am I good at? I am good at analytics, so in terms of superpowers, Achieving and Knowing. But I don’t love to do it.
What do I love to do? I love creating things. I love helping people. I love leading teams.
What am I passionate about? At the time, I would say I was passionate about fashion and content, and those are the two things I created my company around.
So connecting the dots, I really borrowed the Steve Jobs mindset of choosing these life moments that were formative to you and remind yourself of the important building blocks on your way to your path. For example, in his case, he dropped out of college which meant he could audit a class on typography, so the first Mac had really cool fonts.
When you step back and look at the peak performance moments, or even the disappointments, you can see what you’ve learned. You can see the reason you’re on path already. These are the building blocks – and then reminding yourself of what you love to do and what your unique talents are.
That’s really why we created the confidence language quiz. If I could go back again to my 23-year old self and give myself the quiz, I would have seen the things I’m good at and the things I love to do are completely different.
I’d be able to stop questioning my value and ask, hey, am I in the right job?
Interviewed by Aimee Hansen of thestorytellerwithin.com.
Why Protecting Time for Deep Thought Makes You More Productive and More Alive
Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!And yet, consider how many leaders spend their days: back-to-back meetings, two-line email replies, quick notes on a presentation or report. It’s all understandable—the organization’s engine is humming, employees need decisions, and a leader’s job is, among other things, to stay in touch broadly across a team or organization. It’s no wonder leaders often feel that they succeed based on their ability to task-switch as much as their ability to set a vision and galvanize a team.
Or more simply: Your calendar is probably packed. If there’s no time for lunch breaks, or even a bathroom break, there’s definitely no time for leisurely, expansive, deep thought. According to Dorie Clark in Harvard Business Review, 97 percent of leaders say long-term thinking is critical, and 96 percent of leaders say they don’t have time for it.
The reason frenzied executive calendars continue to exist for so many executives is that, in the short term, it is a functional way to get things done. Peers, teams and clients want discussions, an answer, an approval. That’s what they need to do their jobs. What we sometimes forget as leaders, amidst all the organizational bustle, is that it’s our job to tend to the visionary, strategic questions before they become threatening, existential questions. When we operate only in a place of stimulus-response, we’re actually playing out of position—like a goalie who’s left the goal. This might work for a while, but when a competitor shoots and scores because we weren’t protecting what was most important—our ability to think broadly, creatively, strategically—we lose.
Deep thought is important because as leaders we’re not usually measured by the quantity of our output. We’re measured by the quality of our thought. A brilliant vision. A unique understanding. A counter-intuitive strategy. A prescient decision. These are things that drive careers and businesses. No one was ever promoted for their email response time. Warren Buffett knew this and once said, “I insist on a lot of time being spent, almost every day, to just sit and think. That is very uncommon in American business.”
Deep thought is also important because it’s a beautiful way to spend our time! Warren Buffett ended the quote above not by saying, “I [sit and think] because it drives shareholder value.” He ended it with, “I do it because I like this kind of life.” It can be incredibly nourishing and invigorating to be lost in thought; to find a state of “flow” in which we’re so immersed in our thoughts that everything else seems to slip away.
Unfortunately, deep thought, as you likely know, is not easy to protect. And women managers often face the additional, biased expectation of being “a pleasure to work with”—available and attentive to others’ needs. It’s completely understandable why a female leader would be more inclined to return the email quickly, bolstering her reputation for being responsive, even when her time is better spent thinking deeply. It’s not an unbiased world. And yet we can still find ways to thrive within it.
Here are four things you can do in the next week to start protecting your time to think:
By: Bree Groff is a workplace culture expert and author of Today Was Fun: A Book About Work (Seriously). She has spent her career guiding executives at companies such as Microsoft, Pfizer, Calvin Klein, Google, Atlassian, Target, and Hilton through periods of complex change. She is a Senior Advisor to the global transformation consultancy SYPartners and previously served as the CEO of NOBL Collective. She is a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and holds an MS in Learning and Organizational Change from Northwestern University. Bree lives in New York City with her husband and daughter.
(Guest Contribution: The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).
Nicola Free: Managing Director, Head of CRE, EMEA, Wells Fargo
People, Voices of ExperienceWith a career shaped by determination, hard-won resilience, and a commitment to leading with integrity, Free does not just navigate change — she drives it. She reflects on how embracing risk, learning from inspirational leaders, and trusting in both her existing skills and her capacity to grow have been central to her journey.
Taking Risks and Having Faith in Herself
From an early age, Free learned to be a self-starter. She reflects, “I came from a very working-class background and went to the worst school in Warwickshire. I had to teach myself my GCSEs because the classes were so disruptive.”
Determined to “do something with my life and make my parents proud,” Free was the first in her family to attend university, where she pursued law. However, it did not take long for her to realize that the legal path, while hard-earned, was not where she wanted to stay. When a client she had supported on a major securitization project invited her to help launch a CMBS platform, she made a decision that would completely change her career.
“It was definitely a big risk,” Free admits. “I would never have anticipated that I would have left the law a year after qualification, but this new opportunity sounded really interesting.”
Jumping into a completely new environment, Free recalls that “a third of it was in my comfort zone and two-thirds I was learning from scratch.” Free leaned on what she knew: her work ethic and resilience.
“Have confidence in the skills you bring, work hard to learn what you don’t know, and don’t give up at the first hurdle. Be willing to take a leap of faith. Ultimately, it’s about believing in yourself; that you’ll get there, and that you can do it.”
That mindset has carried her through ever since. Today, Free is a recognized leader in her field. As Head of Commercial Real Estate (CRE), EMEA for Wells Fargo, she is driving the firm’s CRE strategy across Europe, strengthening its capital markets capabilities, and deepening client relationships in the region.
“It’s a hugely exciting time to be a part of this business and the opportunity ahead of us…this is the year that the strategy is all coming together.”
Leading with Humility and Authenticity
When reflecting on her leadership approach, Free emphasizes the importance of clarity, humility, and authenticity.
“I always try and bring people along with me,” she says. “Give them a vision of what the strategy is, what we’re trying to achieve…make them feel like they’re part of something really special.”
She continues, “it’s about leading with integrity, humility, and doing the right thing for the business, the clients, and the strategy we’ve set for ourselves.”
Mentoring and feedback are important elements to how she leads. “The only way I managed to make a success of my career change was having good people around me who were prepared to coach and teach me,” Free says. “It’s incumbent on us all, particularly as leaders, to be that player-coach where you take the time to give people feedback and help them develop.”
She recognizes that it is also about holding oneself accountable when things go wrong and ensuring others are recognized when they go right. “When things are going really well, make sure people are getting the credit.”
Find a Culture that Aligns with Your Values and Leadership who Embody It
While Free is unquestionably guided by a strong internal compass, she also highlights the vital role that external factors, particularly an organization’s culture and leadership, play in shaping meaningful career development.
“One of the things I’ve learned throughout my career is to ask: What’s the culture? What kind of institution do you want to work for? At Wells Fargo I enjoy working for a bank that has a strong culture that I can relate to while being guided by truly inspirational leaders.”
Free is particularly inspired by Kara McShane, Head of Commercial Real Estate at Wells Fargo, “who is seen as one of the most influential women in finance.”
“To be able to work for somebody like her is really inspiring…and when you have leaders you trust and respect, you want to do your best for them.” It’s a dynamic she now pays forward to her own team. “I want them to come in and feel they’re part of something great, and that they want to succeed because they believe in me, in the business, and in the leadership above me.”
Be Bold. Own It.
Surrounded by leaders she respects, and serving as one herself, Free is acutely aware that leadership is not just about results; it’s also about presence. For women in real estate finance, that presence is still too rare at the top.
“If you’re a woman running a lending business in this industry,” she recalls reading in Real Estate Capital, “then you’re pretty extraordinary.” The line gave her pause, not out of self-congratulation, but reflection. “I come in and do my day job because I love it and want us to succeed. I don’t think of myself as any different than any other leader. But seeing that made me realize there’s a responsibility that comes with being one of the few.”
It is a responsibility that Free takes seriously. As she has risen through the ranks, invitations to speak and serve on panels have increased, and she uses them to push for broader representation. “I’m always conscious about making sure there are other women at the table, that the panels are diverse, and that we’re holding ourselves and others accountable.”
Her visibility is intentional. Instead of blending in, she embraces standing out.
“There’s a big real estate conference I go to every year,” she says. “You queue to board the flight, and it’s just a sea of men in navy suits. I make a point of wearing something bright and own the fact that I’m not the guy in the navy suit. I’m the woman in the bright red dress. It’s an opportunity to be seen.”
She emphasizes, “Being different can make you more memorable. It’s not just about gender. You might be younger, newer, or from a different background. Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to be visible. Have confidence and own it.”
Outside of work, Free applies the same conviction and focus to her personal life. She’s a mother of two daughters, and a competitive CrossFit athlete.
“I’m a strong working mom, and it demands a lot of my time, but I’m showing my girls what working hard and loving what you do can lead to and I’m not apologetic about it.” CrossFit is her outlet, her reset. “When I am training hard, I’m not thinking about anything other than being in the moment… it’s a really good way of switching off.”
That thread of determination runs through everything she does, whether it’s qualifying for a legal career, shifting into finance, growing a business, mentoring a team, or lifting a barbell.
“When things get really tough, don’t give up,” she says. “If you keep digging in, you’re going to feel so great at the end of it.”
By Jessica Robaire
How to Thrive in the New Workplace: Why Learning Agility is Your Secret Weapon
Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!Most humans are fascinatingly steeped in their contextual and subjective realities, combine that with stereotypical implicit beliefs and it is cognitively easy to believe that more effort would equal more success. Social psychology meets neuroscience very quickly here to result in false conclusions with real life negative impacts for people when surface thinking instead of systems thinking is applied by HR and leaders.
Why Learning Agility is Your Competitive Edge
Here’s where it gets interesting. The most successful organizations are shifting away from traditional merit measures toward something called “learning agility”— and this change could be your secret weapon. Learning agility isn’t just about taking more courses or earning additional certifications. It’s about demonstrating your ability to adapt, grow, and deliver results in new situations. Research shows that learning agility — the ability to learn from experience — is one of the key characteristics of high-potential employees. Even better, Korn Ferry research shows that people with high learning agility are promoted twice as fast as individuals with low learning agility.
This shift matters because it measures what you can do, not just what you’ve already done. For women who may have had fewer opportunities to build traditional credentials, learning agility creates new pathways to demonstrate your potential.
Four Ways to Build Your Learning Agility Profile
1. Become the Solution Finder
Instead of just executing tasks, position yourself as someone who tackles complex problems. Studies demonstrate that workforce agility enhances not only individual performance but also promotes innovation and effective knowledge dissemination. When challenges arise, volunteer to lead cross-functional teams or pilot new approaches.
Action Step: In your next team meeting, don’t just report on your progress. Come prepared with one process improvement suggestion and offer to lead the implementation.
2. Make Your Learning Visible
It’s not enough to learn—you need to demonstrate how your learning translates into results. Research indicates that learning agility directly affects employee engagement and innovative behavior, but only if others can see the connection.
Action Step: After completing any training or taking on a new challenge, send a brief summary to your manager highlighting what you learned and how you’re applying it. Include specific metrics when possible.
3. Seek Stretch Assignments
Learning agility is best demonstrated through performance in unfamiliar situations. Ask for projects outside your comfort zone, volunteer for challenging assignments, or request to work with different teams or departments.
Action Step: Identify one area where your organization needs improvement but lacks expertise. Propose a pilot project and position yourself to lead it, even if it’s not directly related to your current role.
4. Build Your Feedback Loop
Learning agility requires continuous improvement, which means you need honest feedback. Create a system for getting regular input from colleagues, clients, and supervisors about your performance and growth areas.
Action Step: Schedule quarterly “learning check-ins” with your manager. Come prepared with specific questions about your performance and growth areas, and ask for concrete suggestions for improvement.
Navigating the Transition
Not every organization has made this shift yet, and you may encounter resistance. In 2020 Robin J. Ely and David A. Thomas share in HBR a study named “Getting serious about diversity: Enough with the business case” as a follow up from their 1996 research paper called Managing Differences Matter which included a prediction of an emerging paradigm cited as the learning and effectiveness paradigm. This work may have provided answers if it had of been applied, but the work was not undertaken by most firms at scale. For meritocracy or “diversity” benefits to truly be realized, organizations have to adopt a learning orientation and be willing to change structures, and culture.
If you are in a more traditional environment or an environment now recoiling from their last twenty years efforts, focus on building your learning agility profile quietly while demonstrating clear results.
Your Next Steps
The workplace is changing, and this shift toward learning and effectiveness could be the key to unlocking opportunities that traditional merit systems may have denied you. Start building your learning agility profile.
1. Assess your current situation: Where have you demonstrated learning agility in the past year?
2. Identify growth opportunities: What challenges could you volunteer to tackle?
3. Make your learning visible: How can you better communicate your development to key stakeholders?
4. Build your support network: Who can provide feedback and advocate for your growth?
The traditional rules of advancement may have been stacked against you, but the new rules reward exactly what you bring to the table: adaptability, fresh perspectives, and the ability to learn and grow. It’s time to make that work in your favor.
Work with a coach – book in for an exploratory chat to see if coaching is right for you HERE
By Nicki Gilmour, founder and CEO of theglasshammer.com and Evolved People Coaching
Sam Rapoport: CEO, Blue80
Intrepid Women Series, PeopleSam Rapoport knows that there is value in playing the long game. When it comes to change, she knows that you have to put in an intentional effort. As an out LGBTQ professional, Rapoport also knows that being yourself means betting on yourself.
As a high school and college quarterback growing up in Canada playing tackle, touch, and flag football from a young age, Rapaport honed the ability of making rapid decisions under pressure.
“You have three seconds to get rid of the ball, and you are making a hundred decisions in those three seconds,” she says. “You have five people in your face trying to attack you. I taught myself at a young age to become calm in those moments.”
The instinct to remain focused, fast, and forward-thinking shaped not only Rapoport’s playbook on the field but also guided her career at the NFL (National Football League). Over two decades, she rose from intern to changemaker, pioneering trailblazing work in gender equity. More recently, she made the fearless decision to step away from her full-time role, choosing to share her hard-won lessons more widely as a consultant and keynote speaker.
“I want to help organizations around the world achieve progress more quickly,” she explains. “Because this work is so much bigger than the sport of football.”
Learning to Shoot Your Shot
Rapoport’s emergence as a changemaker in professional football began with an unconventional pitch. “In 2003, I submitted a resume to the NFL with an actual football. On the football I wrote, ‘What other quarterback could accurately deliver a pass 3,806 miles?’ which was the distance between my university and the league office. That stood out to someone in HR.” It earned her a coveted internship and foot in the door of a historically male-dominated league.
However, Rapoport’s proudest achievement was not just breaking in, but helping other women do the same.
“For the last 10 years at the NFL, I created a program that served to introduce women into coaching. I took on the Boys’ Club. I took on an establishment that had done things the same way for a hundred years, which was putting men in coaching roles, and I questioned it and then I created a platform that changed the game for women in coaching.”
She continues, “now as of this past season we have 15 women working in full time coaching roles, which is more than double any male professional sports league in the world.”
Rapoport emphasizes that the program’s success didn’t happen by chance. It was the result of years of focused effort and a deliberate strategy, or “a blueprint for accelerating change”. A key element of that blueprint is a framework she learned along the way: the 20/70/10 Rule.
“I have found that 20% of any organization understands what needs to be done to make the change – they’re bought in. 70% want to do the change but have no idea how. And 10% wants nothing to do with it,” she explains. “Focus your energy on moving the 70% into the 20%. Ignore the 10%. The ground moves from under the 10% statistically anyway.” For Rapoport, it’s about shifting the focus from fighting resistance to fueling momentum.
Today, Rapoport continues consulting to the NFL Women’s Forum and is helping build the league’s first professional flag football league, one of her childhood dreams. She is also advising organizations like the USTA (US Tennis Association) on engaging more women in coaching. And one of her latest accomplishments includes working with USA Flag Football on creating a path to the sport being featured in the next Olympics. Finally, she makes sure to leave time for keynote speaking, which she describes as, “probably my favorite part of my job because I can deliver a lot in a short period of time on how to create change.”
On Being Yourself – Truly
As she worked to open doors for others, Rapoport also navigated what it meant to “be herself” in the workplace.
“I wasn’t out in the first decade of my career at the NFL…Everyone always says, ‘Be yourself,’ but that’s easy when you look and act like the default person at an organization,” she reflects. “It’s a lot more challenging when you are a member of the gay community, or the Black community, or the Latinx community.”
She continues, “when I felt confident enough to make the change to come out and be myself unapologetically…I started to thrive.”
Beyond being out at work, Rapoport defines being herself as, “finding the middle ground between professional you and weekend you. It’s about dropping the act, ditching the corporate lingo, the need to sound like a textbook, or mimic your boss, and just being real.”
However, Rapoport is quick to acknowledge the privilege required to let one’s guard down. “There’s a privilege in seniority to be able to do that. Younger people have a harder time.” She emphasizes that safety is paramount, both in professional and personal spaces. “It’s up to the environment. The environment owes it to you to make it safe to come out. I came out when it was safe, and before, it didn’t feel that way.”
Betting on Yourself
When it comes to navigating moments of self-doubt, Rapoport is clear: it’s not about faking it until you make it. “In my opinion, that’s the worst advice you could give anyone. If you fake it, then imposter syndrome kicks in.” Instead, her mantra is “publish and iterate.” Try something, learn from it, refine it, and keep going.
“I have a lot of things, but I don’t have imposter syndrome,” she says. “I’m okay with putting something out there and maybe running away after I do, but I’ll fix it from there.”
She and her wife even have a motto: “We’re betting on ourselves.” Whether it’s stepping into a new gig or turning down one, the calculus is simple: “We’re literally putting all our chips on us. And if it works, great. If it doesn’t, we learn.”
A Pragmatic Path to Meritocracy
With years of experience in gender equity, Rapoport offers an informed perspective of what’s falling short in DEI and what has the potential to move it forward. “We need to stop with these massive pendulum swings,” she says. “It has to be apolitical.” She believes real progress is possible and meritocracy is about removing barriers so that everyone has the same access to opportunities. Rapoport is also adamant that true equity work must be intersectional stating it to be critical to ensure access to all women.
At the heart of her work is a long-term vision that stretches beyond any single organization or lifetime. “I think ahead 100 years, and I think of what the NFL can look like with all genders being ubiquitous,” she says. “With half of the head coaches being women. Half of the general managers. Half of the owners.”
Rapoport is not pushing for dominance, but for balance. “I don’t believe the future is female, I believe in balance, and I believe the future is everyone – equal representation of great people. That’s how you start to take down very destructive structures that hurt marginalized people.”
Outside work, Rapaport is “massively into plants,” plays three instruments, cooks, paints, and has a list of future hobbies she is excited to learn. But her greatest joy, she says, is her family. “I am so proud of how functional and healthy and happy my family is,” she laughs. “And I’m very passionate about putting my energy there over anything.
By Jessica Robaire
Why Coaching Is So Powerful for Senior Leaders
Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!Here are six powerful ways coaching helps senior leaders reclaim perspective and lead with greater clarity and impact.
1. A Rare Space for Honest Reflection
Senior leaders are frequently surrounded by people with competing agendas or cautious filters. Coaching offers a confidential, judgment-free space where leaders can think out loud, test assumptions, and examine blind spots without political risk.
Unlike a board or a management team, a coach’s only agenda is the leader’s development. This objectivity is rare, and incredibly powerful.
2. Support for Navigating Complexity and Ambiguity
The senior leadership landscape is rarely black and white. Decisions involve trade-offs, incomplete information, and wide-ranging impact. Coaches help leaders pause, zoom out, and reflect strategically instead of reacting tactically or emotionally.
By asking the right questions, coaches encourage broader thinking, deeper listening, and more thoughtful decision-making.
3. Development of Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence
At the executive level, leadership success is less about technical expertise and more about emotional intelligence — how you show up, communicate, and influence others. Coaches help leaders build self-awareness around their behaviors, mindsets, and emotional triggers.
This kind of insight enables leaders to better manage themselves and others, particularly during periods of stress, change, or conflict.
4. Challenging the Comfort Zone
Senior leaders are often expected to be the ones challenging others. But who challenges them?
A skilled coach holds up a mirror and asks the difficult questions:
This challenge, balanced with support, drives real growth. Coaching helps leaders stretch into new mindsets and evolve in ways that books, courses, or peer feedback often can’t match.
5. From Competence to Legacy
Many senior leaders have mastered execution. They know how to hit goals, run operations, and deliver results. But coaching shifts the focus from short-term performance to long-term impact.
Leaders explore questions like:
This reflective process often unlocks deeper purpose and renews energy at a stage where burnout or stagnation can set in.
6. A Catalyst for Inclusive and Adaptive Leadership
Coaching also supports the shift from authority-based leadership to more inclusive, adaptive leadership which is an essential trait in today’s diverse, fast-changing world.
Senior leaders who work with coaches are more likely to:
These are not just soft skills—they’re core capabilities for modern leadership.
Take Your Leadership to the Next Level with an Executive Coach
Coaching is about unlocking potential. For senior leaders, it offers a rare combination of support, challenge, and reflection that’s hard to find elsewhere. It turns leadership from a role into a practice, helping executives lead not just with authority, but with wisdom, clarity, and humanity. In a world where the demands on leaders have never been greater, coaching provides something invaluable: the space to grow.
Book your complimentary exploration of coaching conversation for your leadership development plans for yourself or your team with Nicki Gilmour our head coach and founder here at theglasshammer.com
By Nicki Gilmour, founder and CEO of theglasshammer.com and Evolved People Coaching
Q&A with Lisa Sun, Gravitas Founder & CEO & Best-Selling Author
People, Thought LeadersWe interviewed Lisa Sun, Founder and CEO of GRAVITAS, a company on a mission to catalyze confidence. In her first annual performance review, at 22 years old, Sun received what ultimately became life-changing catalytic words, “Lisa comes across as young and overly enthusiastic at times. She should seek to have more gravitas.”
After a decade of consulting with McKinsey & Company, Sun took a year-long travel sabbatical to step back from it all, before eventually launching her size-inclusive fashion brand in 2013. Within weeks of founding GRAVITAS, she was featured in O Magazine, People and on the TODAY Show, and later on CNN and in Forbes, Fast Company and more.
GRAVITAS has come to blend empowering professional clothing with inspiring content to help people show up as their full selves in full confidence from the inside out. As the national best-selling author of GRAVITAS: The 8 Strengths That Redefine Confidence, the podcast host of “In Confidence,” and a sought-after public speaker, Sun busts through the narrow cultural myth of one-dimensional confidence and inspires people to find their personal route to self-belief.
Based upon observation from thousands of diverse interactions across a decade and a 1,000 person quantitative study, Sun invites you to encounter your natural confidence language and identify your own superpowers at MyConfidenceLanguage.com.
Q: When you first made your career pivot from consulting, you started with fashion, so let’s begin there. Can you say more about the decision to lean into the external component of confidence?
For me, the unlock was realizing it’s not about how other people see you. It’s about how you see yourself and how you want to see yourself. That’s how outer and inner confidence are connected, because when you look in the mirror, you want to have a reminder you are powerful, self-assured, and bring talents and gifts to the world.
A lot of the work we’ve done is around the fact that, as children, we’re born fully self-confident. But then, something changes. We’ve identified six forces that enter our lives at adolescence, and then stay with us as the inner critic.
People find it weird we began in fashion because we see ourselves on a mission to catalyze confidence. But I started as a fashion company because I realized where women feel the most amount of insecurity is in the dressing room. It’s when you’re standing there half naked, in front of a mirror with poor lighting, that you start to think all the dark thoughts about yourself.
Inner confidence relates to how we see ourselves when we look in the mirror. Do we see ourselves in our best light? Most people think look at the new wrinkle or I could lose ten pounds. The conversation starts at the inner critic, and it’s a deep source of insecurity. Some people may never get to the point of thinking I have great eyes or I love the way I look and feel in this. Think about the difference in those two conversations.
When we do “The Confidence Closet,” what we call our fitting consultations, people come in with negative self-talk, pointing out flaws. I mirror to them three things I see that are beautiful, and we find something that brings those traits out.
A lot of the work is changing someone’s mindset. That’s why, in my book, I say confidence is a choice and a mindset before it becomes a behavior. And if you bring a negative mindset into any setting – dressing room, boardroom, any of those places – you’ve set yourself up to fail.
I envisioned we could change the chemistry of that dressing room moment of deep insecurity and instead give people clothing that reminds them of their own strengths and power. That’s why I started in fashion.
Q: Can you tell us more about these six forces and how they come to form the inner critic?
As children, we’re born self-confident. If you’ve ever been around a five-year-old, they are self-confident. Imagine you ask, “What are you the best at in the world?” They’ll say “I’m the best at soccer” or “I’m the best at hugs” or “I’m the best at everything.” At that age, we haven’t yet experienced setback or disappointment.
But in our adolescence, we start to become doubtful or self-conscious, so we identified six forces that enter our lives somewhere between the ages of eight and 12 years old. That inner critic stays. It’s nobody’s fault. It just happens because your social circle widens, you’re exposed to shame and embarrassment and you experience setbacks.
To be authentically self-assured, we need to make a choice to see those six forces, to choose not to take direction from them, and then to start to see ourselves for the talents that we bring to the table.
The six forces we identified are firstly, deficit mindset. This is where you see your flaws over your strengths. So, for example, when you look in the mirror, do you look for your beautiful eyes or the new wrinkle that formed?
Second, the shrinking effect. This is where you underestimate yourself or shortchange yourself. This is why people say “sorry” all day long when they haven’t done anything wrong. I tell people say “thank you” not “sorry.” Because if you say “sorry,” it assumes something is wrong with you. Shrinking effect is also why women will only apply for a job if 100% qualified to sit in the seat. They shortchange themselves. Whereas men will be like, “I’m 60% qualified, why not? There’s no harm.”
Third, the satisfaction conundrum. This is where we tie our self-worth to an external marker of success. I’ll be happy when I get that promotion, I’ll be happy when I get a raise. I’m not saying not to have goals, but when we tie our self-worth to an external marker, what happens? If we get it, it’s like a treadmill. We just chase the next one. I lost 10 pounds. I could lose another five. Or if we don’t, we beat ourselves up, and we don’t see all the abundance in our lives outside of that marker.
Fourth, the superhero facade. I got this. I’m awesome. Let me post on LinkedIn, so everyone’s reminded. Shonda Rhimes inspired me when she said, “Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life.” Because if you’re a superhero, no one is invited to have fingerprints on your journey. The most confident people in the world will say, “Here’s what’s going well. Here’s where I need help. Are you the person to help me?”
Fifth, the setback spiral. This is where a negative moment, a criticism, or a disappointment expounds to how you feel about your entire life. So, my boss just gave me some feedback, and that must mean I’m a terrible sister, mother, best friend. All parts of my life are off.
Sixth, systemic bias. This is the asymmetrical structures of power and the mirror it holds up to us. For example, it took me twice as long as my male colleagues to get to partnership in consulting. It should have taken me six years. It took me nearly 12. But when I joined my firm in the 2000’s, less than 13% of the partnership was women, so I can’t beat myself up over that, because it’s simply a reflection the scorecard wasn’t designed to see me.
We developed the six forces framework because it’s a great way for people to talk to their inner critic. We always ask people which they’ve ever felt and which have they felt most often. We find that when you can name why you feel insecurity or fear, when you can name what is going on, when you can have a conversation with your inner critic, it changes things.
For example, Why am I scared to apply for the job? It’s shrinking effect. I’m underestimating myself. When you can name it, you take away its power. You also come to realize everyone else has the inner critic, so you can have compassion. Ultimately, if you can face down the worst case scenario created by the six forces, then you can take your superpowers and look at the best case. And the most likely scenario is closer to your best case because you’re in control.
Objectively, these six forces are true for anyone except for systemic bias, right? But they affect women more. These forces get better for boys and worse for girls because men have historically created and controlled the system, so it favors men or boys as they go through it. Everyone has an inner critic – men, women, non-binary – but systems aren’t shaped to help women overcome these six forces.
Q: Now, on the flip side, tell us more about the eight strengths of gravitas, or eight superpowers, that you’ve been able to identify to diversify the understanding of confidence.
Our quantitative study into confidence was inspired by the conversation when Janet Yellen was nominated to be Chair of the Federal Reserve. There were all these articles repeating how she didn’t have the “gravitas” to lead the Fed. One op-ed in the Washington Post pointed out this was just because she was soft-spoken. She is also qualified, empathetic and collaborative. The op-ed questioned why we only label people as having gravitas if they’re outspoken and assertive. So this quantitative study was designed to recognize someone like Yellen has plenty of gravitas, even if she’s not the loudest voice in the room.
We found eight superpowers that came through in the data. The first two are Leading and Performing.
Leading is I’m in charge, I set direction, I inspire followership. It doesn’t mean you have to lead a team. It means you have clear vision, take agency and can command resources.
Performing is what I’m doing for you in this talk. I’m outspoken, charismatic, and I don’t mind an audience. I’m comfortable speaking in front of others.
Those two strengths are the most written about. In terms of confidence, they represent less than 20% of our data set, so 80% of people (not just women, people, as this is designed to be universal) in our data set do not have those two superpowers, and that means 80% of people have been made to feel lacking.
The next two are called Achieving and Knowing.
Achieving is I have an athlete mindset. I get things done on time. I meet or exceed targets. Practice makes perfect. If I fail, I get up again.
Knowing is I’m smart. I’m researched. I’m thoughtful. I’m the most detail-oriented person in the room. You want to build Ikea furniture with someone who has Knowing because they’re going to read the entire instruction manual and have the process set up.
The best example of these superpowers are the three black women in the movie “Hidden Figures.” They were the smartest human computers who could do all the math to put a man into space.
The next two are called Giving and Believing.
Giving is I’m nurturing, I’m empathetic, I care about others. I care about relationships.
Believing is I’m optimistic. If bad things happen, they weren’t meant to be. I see the best in everyone in every situation.
If you’re familiar with Ted Lasso, his form of confidence is Believing and Giving. In season 1 of the show, he says he’s been underestimated his whole life because he’s not a commander coach. He’s not here to win or to lose, but to help everyone be the best versions of themselves.
The last two strengths are Creating and Self-Sustaining.
Creating is my number one superpower. That is I believe in things before I can see them. I can will ideas new existence. I could create something from nothing.
Self-Sustaining is I like myself. I don’t need to impress you. External validation is nice, but it doesn’t define me.
Self-sustaining is particularly hard for women, and tends to appear most often in women over the age of 50, who are like, I’ve seen it and done it all. Nothing can harm me. It’s the quality most needed to ask for a favor, a raise or overcome criticism without spiraling.
The four superpowers that appear most often amongst women in our data set are Achieving, Knowing, Giving and Believing. What we don’t often say is the entire book is ultimately an exercise in building the Self-Sustaining superpower. Because when you have that strength, you just know your value.
Q: Are your superpowers based only upon capacity or also enjoyment?
It’s more around natural enjoyment! All eight superpowers are available to everyone with effort and intention. But the reason I call it a “route to self-belief” is your superpowers are the ones you’re distinctive at without trying, without effort. These are your talents. This is what you can bring to the table without pushing yourself.
It should feel joyful. It should feel impassioned when you get your quiz results. It feels like that’s why I am in the room. You bring these distinctive superpowers to leadership.
On this note, people are often shocked to find out I only have four and a half of the superpowers. My top ones are Creating, Leading, Performing. At first, I had only these three. I’ve been consciously working on developing Giving & Self-Sustaining. And for the ones I don’t have, I hire people around me.
For example, I don’t have Achieving or Knowing. People are often shocked and point out how I get things done or I’m super smart, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy the element underneath that! I have a spreadsheet that’s due this week, and it’s like pulling teeth. It’s not like I can’t do it; I just don’t like doing it, so that’s not my strength.
Q: Is it only about working with the strengths you naturally have or also about developing the other strengths?
To me, it’s an “and.” I say in life, everything is an “and’ instead of a “but” or an “or. When someone tells you to be more confident, what do you do? You speak up. You’re assertive. You’re outspoken. But if you look up the word ‘confidence’ in the dictionary, it has nothing to do with bravado or swagger. It’s an understanding of, appreciation of and trust in your own abilities. It’s your own mindset before it becomes an expression.
The analogy we use is the iceberg model. Only 10% of the iceberg is visible – it’s behavior. 90% of the iceberg is below the waterline – it’s thoughts, values, feelings, wants and needs. So much of authentic confidence comes from understanding what’s below the water line. How do you think and feel about yourself? Are your talents valuable to you even when not traditionally ascribed as worthy of noticing?
At the same time, you might be in an organization or cultural context where there’s one or two superpowers you’re being asked to develop. It doesn’t take away from the foundation of strengths you bring. Some things will never be natural to you, but you still may need to learn that particular skill set, because it will help you to advance.
From our MyConfidenceLanguage.com quiz, we find that as women climb the ladder, they go from having two superpowers to four, or more. It’s not a personality test. It’s an inventory of talents and abilities in the moment. Then you get to take ownership and control over which ones you want to develop and why.
Q: Are certain superpowers more important for advancing in leadership?
I will give you a fun little twist in the data. Self-Sustaining is a superpower needed for a raise but not for a promotion. If you’re asking for a raise, you want to say, “Here’s my external market value. You’re going to give it to me or someone else will. And if you say ‘no,’ I know my potential in the market.” You can actually say it with authority from a market standpoint.
Whereas asking for a promotion is more around Leading and Achieving. “Here are my accomplishments. Here’s why I deserve the title change. Here’s why…” In that context, you are actually making a case for proving your value. So it’s a little different than Self-Sustaining which is, “This is the money I deserve in the market, and we can negotiate about it, but I know my value and my worth.”
People who have the Giving superpower are really good at emotionally intelligent behaviors, but are less comfortable advocating for themselves. And it’s worth noting that any women in our segmentation who had Leading as a superpower was two-to-three times more comfortable in each of thirty diverse situations we proposed. We don’t often emphasize this correlation, because we don’t want people to lean on or overvalue this one traditionally valued superpower.
Q: In terms of systemic bias, talk about the gravitas scorecard against which women are being benchmarked.
Kelly Shue at Yale School of Management (and others) looked at 30,000 employee records and found that women were consistently rated the highest on results in performance but the lowest on promotability. Men were very promotable but didn’t rate nearly as high on performance.
When she double-clicked into promotion potential, it was based on extraversion, charisma, and assertiveness. And so 40% of the pay gap related to promotion can now be identified as an incomplete scorecard. The scorecard is not scoring for actual management potential and results, because it often overlooks things like Achieving, Knowing, Giving – all the things women over-index on in our data set.
My mom just says, “It’s okay. When tsunami happens, men make speeches. Women clean up the beaches. We give the hugs and we get the work done.” It’s funny, but true. If men created the system and they value things like Leading and Performing, but women’s highest frequency of superpowers are not that, this explains the scorecard difference.
For example, in our book, we share the example of Susan, who booked a “confidence closet” fitting with me. As VP of Finance for a health insurance company, she had her sights on the CFO role since the current CFO was retiring. But the CEO told her she didn’t have the gravitas. She was so upset, so I asked her to question what he meant by that statement. We found out her top superpowers were Knowing, Giving and Achieving. Her CEO grew up in sales, so his top superpowers were Leading and Performing. His version of gravitas would be those superpowers, which means he was probably not scoring her strengths.
I encouraged her to advocate for the talents she brought to the table and find out how he defined gravitas. She confirmed he wanted her to speak up and take charge more, and she expressed she is comfortable doing that with clear opportunities and was open to coaching. She also had the highest engagement scores in the company because of her Giving superpower, and I told her to put that in his face. She promoted the lunchtime membership program she held for her team of 100 people as a driver of those engagement scores and demonstrated Leading by bringing the program idea to other divisions. A year later, she got the CFO job.
You simply can’t leave anything to mystery. You need to find out what these broad statements really mean and not let the six forces take over. You need to find the language of confidence that can help you advocate for yourself.
Q: Let’s go more into your unique journey. What motivated you back when you were in consulting versus what motivates you now?
As a consultant, I was so obsessed with making partner, I missed out on simply taking in the experience of being with my teammates and my clients and making a difference. I missed out on all that abundance, because I was laser-focused on the brass ring of making partner. I loved my clients. I loved my team. And when you consider my superpowers, it makes sense that’s what truly I loved about it.
But I was not good at so many things about being a consultant, and I fought through them. What the firm wanted from me and what I was actually good at were very different things. The scorecard of a good consultant was not built for me. I know this now, but all I wanted was to be successful, and I got caught up in external validation (satisfaction conundrum in full force!).
As soon as I put down the measuring stick and the metrics that were imposed upon me, I started to create my own measuring stick: Am I making a difference in the world? How can I help women?
I don’t have as much wealth now, the fancy business card or the title. There’s so many things I was willing to walk away from when I changed the measuring stick. But now, I am 100% more aligned with what I should be doing. I’m finally doing my life’s work. I love and resonate with Jensen Huang’s sentiment in that I’m not always happy, but I definitely love what I do every day.
Q: You emphasize that “Confidence is a choice and a mindset before it becomes a behavior.” How does that compare with the notion that it’s taking action that creates the result of confidence?
To start, I am not a “fake it to make it” person. When I was on book tour, an old boss told me he was going to call BS on my origin story about being told I didn’t have gravitas, because I was a “very confident 25 year old.” My reply to him was that I was faking it. I was deeply insecure, overachieving, and I went home every night and hated myself in the hotel room, while everyone just told me to speak up more.
For eleven years, I played that role, but I fundamentally didn’t like myself. So sometimes, the doing is inauthentic to how you actually feel. If I could travel back in time, I would give my 23 year old self this book. I would tell her she has lots of reasons not to loathe herself.
So, part of our approach is advising if you’re going to do it, then do it from a place of strength. The word ‘pivot’ isn’t just about a change in direction. It’s a central point on which you turn, and you’re going to be that much more capable if you know what gas you have in the tank. If you know what that central point is made of, you’re going to be more able to handle the bumps and bruises along the way. The doing is better if your starting point is an awareness of how strong you are. Life doesn’t get easier. We get stronger. If you acknowledge the strength up front, the doing is not as bumpy.
Otherwise, you can go out and take risk, but the first time you experience setback or disappointment, are you going to be able to self-soothe? If you just do it and fake it, you won’t be able to handle the feedback, and you won’t be able to handle the growth. Are you going to be able to say to yourself, here’s what I learned, I’m still strong and valuable even though it didn’t go my way – and do it again? That’s the difference.
My friend, Dr. Wendy Borlabi, is a performance expert. She says it’s not win-loss; it’s win-learn. Win-learn is a more powerful methodology, but you can’t win-learn unless you already like yourself and unless you’re pretty self-assured about what you bring to the table. Then, you can handle the tough learning curve.
Instead of MVP, I think the best award to win is most improved player. I love the journaling practice of documenting gratitude. But, I also have a “how did I get stronger?” journal. I like to consider how did I get stronger from last year or from yesterday? Part of gravitas is acknowledging your strengths up front, and then when life doesn’t go your way, you can still see how you got stronger beyond the external outcomes.
Q: Sometimes, our confidence falters because we’re displaced. In your personal journey, you faced a crossroads where you stepped back from the work you’d done as a consultant and “connected the dots” about where life wanted to take you. What guidance can you offer to women who are there?
Firstly, ask this. What was the best moment in the last 12 to 24 months of your life? Often we are so focused on the summit, we don’t look back to see how much ground we’ve covered. So I ask people to find the best moment – personal and professional – and double-click into that moment to ask what you did to make that moment a reality. It did not happen by luck or chance. It was your strengths and talents that made it happen.
When things aren’t going our way, whether jobs or relationships or whatever, it’s good to tap into “core memories” that did not happen by chance. You can even pick a photo of a meaningful moment and keep it on your phone to remind you of what you’ve already done. Remind yourself that a momentary setback does not define you. Peak performance moments do.
Secondly, I went through my own journey where I asked three questions that are also in my book: What am I good at? What do I love to do? What am I passionate about?
They sound the same, but they’re different.
What am I good at? I am good at analytics, so in terms of superpowers, Achieving and Knowing. But I don’t love to do it.
What do I love to do? I love creating things. I love helping people. I love leading teams.
What am I passionate about? At the time, I would say I was passionate about fashion and content, and those are the two things I created my company around.
So connecting the dots, I really borrowed the Steve Jobs mindset of choosing these life moments that were formative to you and remind yourself of the important building blocks on your way to your path. For example, in his case, he dropped out of college which meant he could audit a class on typography, so the first Mac had really cool fonts.
When you step back and look at the peak performance moments, or even the disappointments, you can see what you’ve learned. You can see the reason you’re on path already. These are the building blocks – and then reminding yourself of what you love to do and what your unique talents are.
That’s really why we created the confidence language quiz. If I could go back again to my 23-year old self and give myself the quiz, I would have seen the things I’m good at and the things I love to do are completely different.
I’d be able to stop questioning my value and ask, hey, am I in the right job?
Interviewed by Aimee Hansen of thestorytellerwithin.com.
Own Your Energy: Seven Keys to Honing Your Personal Power
Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!Are you still perceiving power as the ability to exert control over others – or to be subject to another’s control? What if you began to define power instead as the energy you cultivate when you move in alignment with your truth as you navigate the choices of your days?
In any given situation, do you remember to re-orient yourself towards your axis of personal power? Are you aware of how you leak power? Are you aware of how you build it? No matter the situation, you hold power. How you perceive and steward that power – especially with yourself – matters most.
Leading and empowering others begins with your ability to authentically lead and empower yourself. Here are seven ways to step into greater energetic mastery of personal power.
1) Disrupt the urge to dominate yourself.
In the patriarchal paradigm, achieving outcomes often means using pressure and domination inside of a hierarchy. When you internalize this, you dominate yourself to meet external demands – often at a profound cost to your well-being.
If you laud force over yourself to make things happen, you push beyond your limits, override your embodied truth, and live in chronic stress and anxiety, priming yourself for burnout. As Stephen Covey illustrates, you err when you prioritize the golden eggs (production) over the goose that creates them.
Empowering yourself means honoring how you treat yourself – mentally, energetically, and physically – rather than devaluing yourself. When you stop normalizing self-dominance, it become harder for others to dominate you and easier to discern toxic environments.
2) Start moving from where you stand now.
Often we displace our power to some future, idealized scenario.
You tell yourself that when you reach a certain title, goalpost, or milestone, you’ll finally manage your time better, assert yourself, relax, or set boundaries. If only something were different, you think, or if you attain that one qualification, then you could make the leap.
But any notion that displaces your personal power to a future scenario blinds you to the power you presently hold. It may even create a false story about what is necessary to move toward what you want, suspending your ability to act here and now.
Your ability to affect your experience never lies in the future. It is available in this moment.
3) Stop seeing giants around you.
“If a person continues to see giants, it means he is still looking at the world through the eyes of a child.” ― Anas Nin
In patriarchal culture, we are conditioned to see authority as external to ourselves. No matter how far you are in your career, do you still find yourself projecting disproportionate power onto certain people, especially those with prestigious titles or positions?
True power exists within you – it’s how you manage your energy and choices in every interaction. It can neither be granted nor taken away. It has nothing to do with role, reputation, or permission. It’s embodied from within.
When you see giants around you, you subtly give away your power. If you stopped, what might you be willing to speak, do, or risk?
4) Get honest about what holds power over you.
Unconscious thoughts and behaviors drive most of our daily interactions. More than any person or institution, you surrender your power to beliefs, patterns, stories, habits, and cultural norms. What you repeatedly activate infuses your energy. The narratives you tell yourself shape your lived reality and how much power you have.
When you react rather than respond, you are not in your power. Certain interactions, people, or thoughts can trigger you to lose regulation, unplug your energy, or activate fear-based behaviors.
Bringing these dynamics into your conscious awareness allows you to investigate how you lose power, such as:
Where you lose power impacts upon your ability to show up authentically in leadership. As the saying goes, the calmest person in the room holds the most power.
Working with an executive coach can help you to reveal and recalibrate the power battles you face within.
5) Practice discernment and boundaries.
“Energy is power. And it is your responsibility to monitor how you manage it.” – Caroline Myss
Navigating your “yes” and “no” is energy management and has consequences for your clarity, health, and sense of power. When you cannot say “no,” you victimize yourself.
Boundaries matter. Not every invitation requires your attention. Not every conflict merits your engagement. Not everyone has free access to your energy and time.
Practicing discernment can strengthen your energetic field, so you are not scattering energy or leaking power. You sense intuitively what is in alignment for you. Sometimes this means action; other times, withdrawing or letting go.
Every time you say “yes” to a clear internal “no,” you chip away at your personal power. It is far healthier for you to disappoint others than to betray yourself. When you manage your energy, you radiate an authenticity and leadership rooted in self-esteem and self-respect.
6) Keep your word with yourself, first.
Trust is a foundation of leadership, including self-leadership. When you deeply trust yourself, you build the inner wholeness essential to personal power. But as Martha Beck writes in “The Way of Integrity,” lying to yourself – even in small ways – wreaks inner havoc.
When your thoughts, energy, and actions align, you come from inner coherence. Power rooted in real integrity speaks through your presence, energy, and actions, far more so than power rooted in title, performance, or external validation.
7) Calibrate your presence from within.
The ultimate power you hold is your perception and ability to define your inner experience. Most people live in reaction. Because of X or Y or Z, we must shrink or be afraid or lose trust. But circumstances and meaning are two different things, and context does not dictate response.
You can default to reflecting the environment, or you can anchor your tone from within. You decide whether to mirror chaos and fear and victimhood or to choose calm and groundedness and trust. Personal power happens when you no longer default to unconscious reactions but instead move from conscious choice, sourcing your stability from within.
If there is one power dynamic you master, let it be the one you hold with yourself. This will transform the way you move through every challenge, opportunity, and relationship – and it will redefine the quality of your leadership.
By: Aimee Hansen. Alongside years of writing on leadership, Aimee Hansen is the founder of Storyteller Within and leads the Journey Into Sacred Expression women’s retreat on Lake Atitlan, Guatemala. Her upcoming event is July 26th – August 4th, 2025. Follow her at thestorytellerwithin.com, on instagram, and via Linked In.
Natalie Runyon: Content Strategist for ESG, Human Rights Crimes and AI in Courts, Thomson Reuters
Movers and Shakers, PeopleFirst profiled in 2013 while Director of Global Security at Thomson Reuters, Runyon reflects on how her mindset of continual evolution has shaped her approach to achievement, purpose, and impact. She speaks to how she has embraced change with intention, guided by adaptability, self-awareness, and a commitment to aligning her professional growth with her personal values.
Evolving Through Curiosity and Change
Early in her career, Runyon made a name for herself in security operations, first at Goldman Sachs and later at Thomson Reuters, where she managed critical operations around the clock. At the same time, Runyon was already thinking about the future, getting involved with the company’s women’s network, earning a coaching certification, and launching a workshop called Be the CEO of Your Career, which eventually reached more than 1,300 employees globally.
“Be the CEO of Your Career was translated into Spanish and Portuguese, and I trained facilitators to lead it. It helped get my name out there, build my credibility and expand my network.”
That visibility opened the door to a lateral move into sales operations, a role that allowed her to transition out of security and take on new challenges, but with more regular hours. “It was a big relief,” she says. “By then, I had two young kids, and I needed a shift.”
After a few years in sales, Runyon made her next career leap to a position at the Thomson Reuters Institute, where she has spent the last seven years curating thought leadership on topics ranging from talent and inclusion to ESG, human rights, and AI in the courts. While the content areas have shifted over time, one thing has remained constant: her ability to dive into unfamiliar territory with confidence.
“One consistent thread throughout my career, and why I have been able to make such big moves, is that I’m very comfortable operating in ambiguity and understanding how to ask the right questions to leverage the collective expertise of the people around me.”
In addition to being comfortable with uncertainty, Runyon highlights her natural curiosity as a strength. When she was asked to lead the Institute’s coverage of ESG, she got two ESG certifications to build her credibility and experience, “it opened up a new area for me to sink my teeth into and learn something new.”
That same curiosity is now guiding her latest area of focus: AI governance in court systems. “It’s not something I ever thought I’d be working on,” she says, “but I love that my role continues to evolve. Even though my title hasn’t changed, the content keeps shifting, and that keeps it interesting.”
Reframing Success and Failure
Runyon’s career evolution has also been shaped by her willingness to take risks outside the corporate world. She reflects on how her experiences as an entrepreneur, first in launching a coaching business, and later in acquiring a small company, shaped her definition of success and failure.
“Even though I originally designed the Be the CEO of Your Career workshop for my own coaching business, I probably had more impact rolling it out at Thomson Reuters than I ever would have had as a solo coach,” she says. “That was a success, just not the one I originally pictured.”
Years later, she challenged herself again by buying a business, after investing significant time in learning how to value and grow companies. However, when a family matter demanded her focus, she made the decision to sell. “I sold it at a loss, and financially it was rough,” she says, “but I don’t regret that decision at all.”
Through it all, Runyon has reframed what success looks like. “I don’t really look at things as failures, I look at them as learning opportunities,” she explains. “Life is fluid. None of my plans have ever worked out exactly the way I thought they would, but life has worked out.”
For Runyon, evolution is not about a perfect outcome. It’s about continuing to ask herself the hard questions, adapt, and stay open to wherever growth leads next.
The Dual Impact of Leadership Coaching
With a background in leadership coaching, it is no surprise that Runyon is a firm believer in its transformative impact. She often draws on what she learned during her training, skills that continue to influence how she leads, communicates, and navigates challenges at work.
“From the ability to ask good questions when I’m interviewing somebody for an article to having a level of comfort in asking the hard questions and not being afraid of the answers, my training as a coach has impacted me in foundational ways.”
She continues, “that includes not letting fear drive decision making, because in coaching you learn how to look at the worst-case scenario and explore questions like, ‘how bad can it really be? What if that happens? What can you do about it?’ That mindset has impacted my ability to adapt and flex and pivot.” Additionally, Runyon points to emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and the ability to see things from multiple perspectives as aspects of coaching that she continues to apply in her day-to-day life.
Runyon is also quick to acknowledge the impact coaching has had on her personally, having experienced its benefits not just as a practitioner, but as a client.
“In 2019, I was completely burnt out between juggling work, young kids, and being on two nonprofit boards. I met with Nicki for coffee, and she saw right away that I was miserable. She coached me for six months and helped me see how my mindset wasn’t serving me. She helped me recognize and assert that ‘no’ is a complete sentence and to give myself space to figure out what I needed next. It was a pivotal moment where coaching was critical.”
Grounded by Growth
As Runyon looks to the future, she acknowledges that her path is still unfolding. “I’m still trying to find my way,” she notes. “I’m challenging myself in new ways to give me clarity.”
Today, her focus is less on chasing traditional career milestones and more on creating lasting impact, especially through her family. “My biggest goal is to raise good human beings,” she emphasizes. “If I can give my kids the learnings I’ve had — to take risks, to not be afraid of failure, to stay true to themselves, then that’s success.”
Outside of work, Runyon continues to pursue growth on her own terms. What started as a personal challenge to swim a mile, a skill she once disliked, has grown into training for a sprint triathlon. “I’m trying to stretch myself, to do hard things, and to keep learning,” she says. She also set a goal two years ago to visit all 50 states by the time she turned 50, a milestone she will complete this summer.
Setting ambitious goals, inside and outside of work, is part of how Runyon continues to evolve. As she puts it, “It’s about progress, not perfection…You’re in charge of your own journey. You’re in charge of your own path. Just live your life.”
By Jessica Robaire
Attachment Styles: What Are They, and Why Do They Matter in the Workplace?
Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!Maria is frustrated with her new employee, Kai. While Kai is talented and personable, he often avoids direct communication, is slow to respond to emails or messages, and seems uncomfortable with feedback or accountability. He tends to shut down when conversations become even mildly confrontational and frequently deflects responsibility by making excuses for missed deadlines. Although he’s likable, he keeps a noticeable emotional distance from the team and avoids collaborative tasks when possible. Maria wishes he would be more like her other report, Jayden, who is consistently dependable and proactive. She finds herself wondering: why people are, well, the way they are? And more importantly, is there anything she can do as a manager that would lead to Kai feeling more connected and improve his work habits?
Though many factors can contribute to a person’s actions, a psychological framework called attachment theory may help to explain the bigger picture. The idea is that every person forms an attachment style in early childhood, and what that style is can affect their outlook and behaviors forever. Our relationship dynamics begin the moment we are born. And the way we form attachments to our earliest caregivers can affect our relationships into adulthood; they make up what I call our “relationship operating model.”
What does attachment look like for young children? Consider Mary Ainsworth’s “strange situation test.” For this study, a mother leaves her child with a stranger in a toy-filled room. Securely attached children initially show distress, but resume playing happily when their mother returns. Anxiously attached children initially welcome their mother’s return, then become uncertain, alternating between seeking closeness to her and playing with toys. Avoidantly attached children either continue playing as if nothing happened or actively avoid their mother upon her return.
But how does this affect the workplace? Well, the secure, anxious, and avoidantly attached behaviors demonstrated in this study can be traced directly to our adult, professional lives. An employee’s attachment style affects not only our relationships with coworkers, but also influences our ability to successfully complete tasks.
Ainsworth’s study demonstrates the importance of a “secure base.” She found that when the securely attached child’s mother was present, the child could confidently explore their strange environment. Having a secure base allows us to take well-considered risks and be creative, knowing we can rely on that foundation to support and guide us as we explore new and innovative ideas. In the workplace, if you have a secure relationship with your business partner or colleague, you are more likely to innovate than if you have an anxious or avoidant relationship with them. This phenomenon has been called the “dependency paradox.” When you feel you can depend on others, you are more likely to act independently. Furthermore, secure attachments with others in the workplace often result in greater creative longevity. Secure relationships can be an antidote to burnout.
On the other hand, if you feel like you can’t depend on your colleagues, you might avoid communicating with them or even interacting with them. This avoidance may result in difficulties getting buy-in or assistance when needed.
Researchers link attachment style to how we communicate with others. Those with an anxious attachment style tend to over-communicate. They feel the need to constantly check in, are hyper-aware of others’ emotions, and tend to think others view them negatively. Anxious employees are also extremely sensitive to the feedback they receive, and they strongly desire affirmation.
On the other hand, those who fall more under the avoidant category tend to under-communicate. They don’t ask for help when they need it, don’t consult with others prior to making major decisions, and don’t regularly inquire about how others are doing. They are less likely to trust others, including their leaders.
Both anxious and avoidant leaders tend to have more difficulties with delegating work than securely attached leaders. Those with an anxious attachment style are often ineffective at delegating because they fear that relinquishing control could lead to disapproval, make them seem less valuable, or even jeopardize the relationship—fears rooted in a deep need for reassurance and connection. In contrast, those with an avoidant attachment style are often unable to delegate because they struggle with trusting others.
But there is hope! One interesting study found that when the participants were prompted to recall a secure relationship, they were less likely to disengage their sense of morality when they encountered an ethically challenging situation. If simply recalling a secure relationship can have such a profound impact on behavior, consider the potential impact of working to adapt your relationship operating model.
Both anxious and avoidant leaders affect the workplace by making it feel less stable, secure, and safe for their employees and their business partners. But research has found that the inverse is true—a leader’s consistent support helps employees feel more secure. Secure leaders are much more likely to support the development of their employees and encourage more positive work behaviors within the company.
Remember: an avoidant or anxious attachment style is not a “sentence” to a challenged life. If you are self-aware and can actively work to heal the attachment ruptures from childhood, it’s possible to create a new outlook on life. Positive relationships characterized by secure attachments later in life can lead to positive outcomes, where we heal and can become better versions of ourselves. Your attachment style can have a direct effect on your employees’ and business partners’ perceptions of how consistently you will be there for them. They want to know they can depend on you.
By: Dr. Karen Bridbord is a licensed psychologist and organizational psychology expert who merges psychological insights with lessons learned from more than two decades of leadership consulting. Her book, The Relationship-Driven Leader: Strengthening Connections to Enhance Productivity and Wellness at Work (April 8, 2025) reveals how strong workplace relationships can enhancing organizational excellence and employee well-being. She lives in New York.
(Guest Contribution: The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).
Christine McIntyre: Chief Financial Officer, Raftelis
People, Voices of ExperienceMcIntyre shares how pivotal choices, purpose-driven work, and a commitment to self-awareness shaped her path to CFO. Through coaching and experience, she’s learned that great leadership starts with knowing yourself and knowing how to assemble the right mix of talent and tools to be effective.
From Investment Banker to CFO
“It’s been a winding road, one I never could have predicted,” McIntyre says of her path to CFO. A psychology major, she started out in Bank of America’s Executive Compensation group, but a well-timed connection soon pulled her into investment banking. This launched her 15-year career in public finance, where her clients were state and local governments.
Despite the excitement and pace of investment banking, something was missing. “Public finance never really captured me. It felt like the same type of deal over and over again,” she reflects. That growing disconnect led her to take a bold step: leaving investment banking to become Director of Finance at a water utility in Alexandria, Virginia. “At the time, I saw it as a step to eventually get away from the public sector work,” she says. “But instead, I fell in love with it.”
Working closely with the city she lived in, McIntyre found deep satisfaction in seeing the direct impact of her work, like financing a massive environmental project in historic Alexandria. When the utility’s CFO departed, McIntyre stepped up, eventually earning the role officially. “It was my first time as CFO and my first time on an executive leadership team — it was a tremendous experience.”
A desire to be closer to family during the pandemic brought her back to North Carolina, and after months of commuting, McIntyre landed what she knew instantly was the right next step. Now as CFO at Raftelis, she has found the perfect intersection of private-sector leadership and public-sector impact. “It’s the same client base I worked with in investment banking – cities, counties, utilities – but now I get to blend strategic leadership with direct project work, which keeps me grounded in what our clients really need.”
Natural Instincts, Sharpened with Coaching
McIntyre describes herself as a driven, energetic leader, someone who moves fast, gets things done, and brings enthusiasm to every challenge. “In some ways, leadership comes naturally to me. I’m a very hard-driving, direct person,” she says. “That kind of energy has been appreciated by my employers.”
However, she is also quick to acknowledge that leadership is not just about instinct, but rather it is a craft she has worked to refine over time. “There is a lot about leadership I had to learn,” she admits. “I’ve worked with several executive coaches throughout my career, and each one has helped me grow in different ways.”
One pivotal experience came during her time at the Alexandria utility, where the organization was preparing for a major CEO transition. A leadership coach was brought in to support the executive team, and the timing could not have been better.
“The coaching relationship was incredibly helpful. It taught me how to use my strengths, but also how to soften my edges,” she reflects. “Particularly in the public sector, I had to learn to slow down and take everyone else on the journey.”
She continues, “I’m a big proponent of coaching. Everyone has blind spots. It’s not about changing who you are, it’s about understanding your tendencies and adjusting to the context you’re working in.”
Leading Beyond Your Expertise
McIntyre sees strong leadership not as a matter of having every skill, but of understanding where you need support and how to get it. “Now that I’m further along in my career, I don’t feel the same pressure to know everything, I’ve learned to take that weight off my shoulders.”
McIntyre applies that mindset to building teams and networks. “I’m not a traditional CFO in the sense that I don’t have an accounting background. When tough accounting questions come up, I don’t pretend to know it all. I focus on finding the right resources.” In one instance, recognizing a gap in deep expertise of government accounting, she sourced a specialist through a consulting firm. “Having someone I could call made all the difference.”
Rather than defaulting to solving everything internally, McIntyre believes smart outsourcing is often the more strategic and cost-effective choice.
“Our water utility was small, so we outsourced a lot, and it was hugely beneficial. Some companies think it’s cheaper or more efficient to handle everything internally, but that’s not always the case. There are highly specialized tasks where it makes more sense to pay a consultant for 100 hours of work than to hire a full-time employee. I’ve brought that same approach to my role as CFO of Raftelis.”
McIntyre advocates for creating a roster of experts through intentional networking, actively seeking out specialists who can offer support when needed.
“If we use a certain software, I’ll seek out someone in my industry who uses it too. Those connections are gold because we can help each other in ways no one else can.”
Whether it’s tapping into external networks, attending user conferences to meet industry peers, or outsourcing specialized work, McIntyre sees her role as assembling the right mix of talent and tools. “I see myself as a resource manager and that’s a big part of what makes me effective in my role.”
Advice for Navigating Your Career
When offering advice to those a few years into their careers, McIntyre stresses the importance of not getting so caught up in the daily grind that you lose sight of the bigger picture. “It’s important to remember that your career and your job are two different things. Whether you are happy in your current job or not, you always want to think about your broader career trajectory outside of the present position,” she explains.
Building and maintaining connections, she notes, is essential for staying aware of opportunities.
“Keep up with LinkedIn and go to networking events. Don’t get so heads-down focused on being successful in your current job that you don’t also build connections outside in industry groups and peer groups.”
McIntyre also encourages professionals to remain open to unexpected opportunities rather than adhering to a rigid career path.
“There are many times where you can make lateral moves or jump to a different sector and surprise yourself,” she says. “Earlier in my career, I was too narrow in my thinking about what I was capable of, when in reality, I could do so much more than I gave myself credit for.”
Where Purpose Meets Impact
McIntyre draws inspiration from the mission-driven people she’s worked with, especially the bold, principled women in public service. “They could be doing anything with their talents, but they choose local government because they care about their community,” she says.
That sense of purpose fuels her work. From financing capital projects to leading infrastructure initiatives, she’s energized by the tangible impact. “When it’s actually happening in your community, especially a big, transformative project with environmental benefits, it’s even more exciting.”
Now, as CFO of Raftelis, McIntyre continues to see that connection firsthand. Whether it’s Baltimore, Philadelphia, or a smaller municipality, the projects Raftelis supports – often centered on clean water, infrastructure, and long-term planning – tie directly to community well-being. “We help communities figure out how to pay for it all and keep their bills affordable enough that their customers can manage them.”
That sense of purpose extends beyond work. To sustain the energy she brings to her role, McIntyre prioritizes self-care and mental clarity. “I bring a lot of enthusiasm and energy to what I do, and I can’t really turn it off,” she says. “But I know that if I keep it up all the time, I’ll burn out.” A longtime hot yoga devotee, she carves out time each week for practice and once a year, she attends a retreat, often unplugging for days at a time. “After about two days without screens your thinking hits a different level,” she says. “It gives me a broader perspective on my life without all the little distractions.”
By Jessica Robaire