Four Reasons Leaders Need to Look After their Well-being

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leadership and well-beingLeaders tend to feel more pressure than most to work long hours and sacrifice their well-being. For some, this is in hopes of inspiring team members to work hard, and for others, it’s simply due to a desire to reach and exceed goals.

Many professional women often feel additional pressure to prove themselves hardworking, especially when leading in male-dominated industries. However, problems can arise when we overwork ourselves so much that our well-being suffers and the ability to lead effectively diminishes with it.

Here are four important reasons leaders need to protect, not sacrifice, their well-being.

Rest is essential for protecting mental and physical well-being

Good quality sleep is essential for maintaining physical and mental health. Sleep deprivation can inhibit cognitive function, meaning that you can’t perform at your best when you’re tired. Plus, chronic sleep deprivation can lead to depression, anxiety, and stress, all of which can affect work.

Stress is both a cause and symptom of poor sleep, so it’s common to become stuck in a cycle of stress leading to insomnia, leading to further stress, and so on. This cycle can only be stopped when you consciously adopt a healthy sleep hygiene routine and incorporate positive stress management tactics into your day.

Work is a leading cause of stress and subsequent sleep problems, with around 80% of workers in the USA experiencing work-related stress. Those in leadership positions are particularly susceptible to excess stress because they carry more responsibility and are ultimately accountable for their team’s work.

Make sure you put firm limits on your working hours and avoid working late into the night to give yourself time to switch off from work. Many leaders find it helpful to gently unwind before bed by doing gentle exercise, meditating, journaling, taking a bath or reading a book. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day can also help your body find its natural sleep rhythm, meaning you’ll find it easier to fall asleep.

Self-care habits can support productive routines

When you schedule self-care habits into your daily routine, you’re likely to become more productive overall. Our minds can become overwhelmed with lists, tasks, and issues, which may make us reluctant to make time to exercise, indulge in a creative hobby, or prepare a healthy meal.

However, it’s important to take regular breaks from work and allow yourself the time to write down all your to-do’s, make a plan, and take a moment to breathe. Prioritizing self-care is essential for alleviating stress, and when you schedule specific self-care activities in your breaks, you’re less likely to skip them.

Many self-care habits help you to refresh your mind and return to work with greater focus. For example, art and craft activities boost dopamine levels, which aids the creation of neurons in order to promote focus and aid productivity. It might sound counterintuitive, but working less could help you to achieve more if you replace work with activities that nourish your well-being.

Protecting well-being prevents burnout

Burnout is a state of physical and emotional exhaustion that occurs after a long period of chronic stress. It affects focus and productivity, and it tends to generate an uncharacteristic sense of apathy toward work. When someone feels burned out, they can’t function professionally to their full capacity. If they continue to push themselves at work despite experiencing burnout, they run the risk of developing depression or anxiety.

Burnout seems to affect women more than men, especially for those in managerial and leadership positions. A 2021 study found that 49% of women in senior leadership roles reported feeling burned out, as opposed to only 38% of men in similar jobs. This means it’s particularly important for professional women to protect their well-being and create clear boundaries between their work and their personal lives.

Modeling healthy habits inspires team members

A workforce with good physical and mental well-being is likely to be more productive and require fewer sick days than a workforce that is stressed and physically unhealthy. As a leader, it’s your job to support your employees’ well-being to ensure your team operates to its full potential. By prioritizing your self-care, you can lead by example and encourage your team members to look after themselves, too.

Good leaders inspire their teams, and although it’s important to inspire hard work, there’s a fine line between hard work and overwork. If a leader works incredibly long hours with few breaks, their team members might feel pressure to do the same – despite the damage, this can do to their mental health and well-being.

When you encourage a healthy work-life balance and create a culture of self-care in your workplace, you help your team feel inspired to look after their own health, making them more able to perform at their best.

Prioritize your wellbeing to become a better leader

When you take care of your physical and emotional well-being, not only do you protect your ability to lead successfully but you also become a better, more effective leader. Make sure you get plenty of rest and stack up your healthy self-care habits to lead your team to great heights of success.

By: Lucy Ranger is a business development executive who has acquired more than 15 years of experience in the industry. Away from her remote office, Lucy is passionate about sustainability, and regularly volunteers in her local community to help with various clean-up projects and initiatives.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Neutral Thinking: The Key to Hard Conversations and Hard Decisions

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Neutral ThinkingName one person who enjoys having hard conversations, and you’ll likely come up null. In the workforce, complex decision-making and delivering bad news are enough to make your stomach drop. However, hard conversations are sometimes necessary — they could entail asking for a raise, apologizing after making a mistake or losing your cool and providing constructive criticism.

Corporate leaders and professionals face difficult decisions and conversations daily. The key is to check their emotions and express themselves in a way that remains neutral and makes them proud.

Why Are Hard Conversations and Decisions Challenging?

There are a few reasons many managers avoid hard conversations and decisions:

  • Guilt
  • Increased anxiety
  • Adverse reactions from both parties
  • Threats and retaliation
  • Potential conflict or disagreement

Leadership may be known for avoiding talking to employees about hard topics, whether it’s firing someone, demoting them, issuing blame, addressing low productivity or resolving office conflicts. In fact, more companies are ditching the nail-biting year-end reviews for regular touchpoints focusing on goal-setting and open dialogue just to temper negative emotions.

Yet, despite the possibility of all these behavioral outcomes, 54% of leaders have indicated that conflictual discussions spark team engagement and uncover potential growth areas. However, they must engage employees with respect, transparency and prime leadership skills to avoid damaging outcomes.

Gender differences in communication styles significantly impact reactions. Women typically approach conversations with compassion and rapport, while men often lean into facts and problem-solving. Regardless of one’s method, learning to strike a balance is crucial.

6 Strategies for Having Hard Conversations

Your approach to difficult discussions with people can make or break spirits and significantly impact workplace morale. A 2019 Gallup survey found that a mere 10.4% of employees remained engaged at work following negative feedback — another four out of five sought other employment.

Fortunately, honing in on your leadership skills and aiming for neutrality is the best way to decide on and deliver bad news. Here are six strategies that will help you master hard conversations.

1. Create a Planned Approach

Develop a list of bullet points you want to discuss during your meeting. Having the most essential topics in front of you will keep you on track. Just be sure not to write out a script, as conversations rarely go the way you’ve planned.

A well-thought-out approach to challenging discussions with employees or co-workers ensures greater authenticity and a free-flowing discourse.

2. Practice Empathy

Emotional contagion is an alignment of emotions — if a person smiles at someone, they’ll most likely trigger a smile in return. When approaching difficult conversations, empathy goes a long way. The receiver of bad news will take cues from facial expressions, prompting a particular reaction. Likewise, a response may stem from the voice or tone used during indirect communication, such as online or on the phone.

Research suggests that women have an easier time with emotional contagion than men. One study even found that female babies cried for longer when they heard another crying.

However, empathy doesn’t come easily to everyone — some people need to practice it. Demonstrating emotional contagion, whether through facial cues or tone, will help regulate the receiver’s reactions and result in positive communication.

3. Listen and Observe

An effective leader engages in active listening and open communication to reach a solution. That means you should focus more on the other person’s words during conversations.

These one-on-one meetings don’t need to feel like an attack. Ask open-ended questions and allow employees to share their take on a situation. For instance, if someone struggles to meet deadlines, have them explain their challenges, then repeat what they shared to show you understand — “To be clear, you’re saying that knowledge gaps require more time to go over directions than doing the actual work.”

The attention and respect you offer by listening to your employees may result in a more favorable outcome than you initially thought, such as providing additional training. It may also be that they’ve taken on more responsibility than one person can handle, which leaders can step in and help delegate.

4. Face the Hard Stuff Head-On

Some decisions and conversations may be uncomfortable, but being direct often results in more profound respect and better workplace relationships. Nothing will ever get done if you constantly avoid potential conflicts and avoidance could worsen personality clashes and negative behaviors.

People who avoid hard conversations might purposefully overlook problems, joke their way through confrontations, change the topic or bottle up their emotions until they explode. Many put off having conversations indefinitely.

A more direct approach — even if it’s something positive like negotiating a raise or promotion — should encourage back-and-forth communication — this style comes across as less threatening to both parties. It might also be best to give the receiver some times to cool down and reflect on the discussion before continuing.

5. Avoid Absorbing Negative Emotions

While an effective leader should have empathetic tendencies, injecting too much empathy into hard conversations could lead to you absorbing negative feelings — also known as emotional contagion.

It’s crucial to create separation between what you need to get across and how the person responds. You can expect pushback in some instances or meltdowns, but protecting yourself is essential.

Imagine putting up a shield to block negativity or envision yourself wearing armor — this helps build up your resilience to say what you need. The key to emotional neutrality is to stay grounded. Of course, if a hard conversation ends badly, withdrawing to a quiet place will help you regroup and regain composure.

6. Stay Positive

It’s easy to anticipate discourse going array and for someone to fly off the handle. However, not all hard conversations end badly, and addressing complicated topics can have several benefits. When you approach these discussions positively, they’re more likely to be constructive than disastrous.

Hard conversations done correctly could result in an employee that strives harder to meet deadlines, boosts productivity and collaboration, feels more engaged and better aligns themselves with the company’s mission. It could also improve employee attitudes and reduce conflict.

Complex decision-making and conversations will become second nature in time because you’ll expect positive changes and relationships.

Stay Neutral for More Positive Interactions

It’s possible that you’ll never particularly enjoy giving negative feedback and criticism. You may especially dislike letting someone go or engaging in uncomfortable discourse about diversity and inclusion. But as you’re aware, these conversations are crucial and may present the best outcome for the company.

Mia Barnes is a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in mental wellbeing and workplace wellness. Mia is also the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind magazine, an online women’s health publication.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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5 Ways to Highlight Your Leadership Skills on Your Resume

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leadership skills on your resumeStrong leadership skills are a hot commodity — adept leaders make things happen, promote and enhance a company’s vision, and elevate the performance of everyone they work with. Emphasizing your leadership abilities on your resume can help potential employers see the value you’d bring to their enterprise, and ultimately, make you a more attractive candidate.

A slick, well-organized resume is the first step to upping your profile as a leader, so choose a fresh template, and get ready to dive into the content.

Job searching can be draining, trying to get one of the highest paying jobs or even getting that interview, but you may be missing out on opportunities to craft each section of your resume so it reflects essential leadership skills, making it stand out among a sea of applications from similarly-experienced candidates.

Emphasizing crucial skills such as making tough decisions under pressure, guiding colleagues, or coming up with innovative ideas that shape the direction of projects can help propel your resume to the top of a company’s interview list. Below, we’ll go through 5 great ways to highlight leadership on your resume for maximum impact.

1. Include examples of coaching and mentorship

Experience in coaching or mentoring can make you more attractive to hiring managers because it shows your ability to enhance the performance of those around you.

As a starting point, note whether the job description uses specific mentorship-related keywords, such as ‘guide’ or ‘support.’ Mirroring the job description by incorporating these keywords into your resume summary or experience bullet points is a great move because it shows you have the exact skills they’re looking for and optimizes your resume for ATS software.

Then, add a few specific examples of coaching that demonstrate the impact of your mentorship. If you have metrics displaying results such as reduced employee turnover or improved employee satisfaction, now’s the time to mention them.

You can also outline positive outcomes for individuals to demonstrate your impact, such as your mentee receiving a promotion or meeting more KPIs.

2. Highlight the outcome of your projects or teams

Including measurable outcomes in your resume shows hiring managers that you don’t just lead — you lead effectively. Potential employers want to gauge the impact of your leadership on your company’s performance, so backing up your experience with hard data can help employers visualize your impact.

Examples of metrics to include in the experience or achievements sections of your resume include:

  • Increases in revenue, profit, or sales
  • Measurable improvements in team productivity
  • Enhanced employee or client satisfaction ratings
  • Improved employee retention
  • Time or resources saved as a result of streamlined workflows or processes

Even if you don’t have much hard data to work with, you can still use the examples above to guide you in making your resume’s experience section more results-focused so hiring managers can see your successes, not just your experiences.

3. Emphasize effective collaboration

A recent report on HR statistics found that effective teamwork and communication are two of the biggest skill gaps applicants struggle to match. While this applies to any role, effective collaboration is an especially appealing quality in a leader because it’s vital to ensuring team unity, performance, and productivity.

Managers must be able to delegate tasks effectively to ensure roles are clear and prevent workflow bottlenecks. If you have a good example of how your communication skills have improved your team’s ability to collaborate effectively, be sure to include it in the experience section of your resume.

Describe positive results after giving constructive feedback so potential employers can envision how you’ll ensure your colleagues’ growth and development. It could also be worth giving an example of how you’ve acted on feedback you received to demonstrate your ability to reflect and adapt.

4. Show you can lead a team or project remotely

According to McKinsey’s American Opportunity Survey, over half of American workers are working remotely for at least part of the week. Remote leadership skills are in high demand as companies support their employees in maintaining a healthy work-life balance and ensure deliverables are met by a scattered workforce.

Demonstrating remote work skills and experience shows hiring managers you can help their company overcome these hurdles, particularly if you have experience managing a team or project in a remote setting. Even online part-time jobs like a virtual assistant or copywriter help you develop necessary skills to lead remotely.

Describe any strategies you’ve successfully employed to manage issues such as scheduling, employee development, or task management in your experience bullet points and include any quantifiable positive impacts.

5. Demonstrate your problem-solving skills

Problem-solving skills are an essential part of any successful leader’s toolkit because they allow you to identify and troubleshoot issues early, from less significant snags causing inefficiency to major problems threatening entire projects.

Providing examples of changes you’ve made to address a problem and their positive impact offers employers a clearer idea of your abilities than simply listing ‘problem-solving’ in your resume’s skills section. For example, you could add a bullet to your experience section outlining how you streamlined a key process and what difference it made to your team’s time management or productivity.

If you’re unsure where to start, abilities such as organization, effective planning, and critical analysis are strong examples of skills necessary for problem-solving and risk management.

Key Takeaway

Creating a leadership-focused resume involves more than simply listing your experience as a manager. Providing examples of how you applied leadership skills, adding performance metrics to experience bullet points, and enhancing your resume summary and skills section with the right keywords can help you communicate your career story more effectively and paint a compelling picture for potential employers.

By: Emily Crowley is a Senior Content Writer and Resume Expert at Resume Genius, where she loves helping job seekers overcome obstacles and advance their careers. She graduated from George Mason University with a degree in Foreign Language and Culture.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Different Methods of Personal Development in the Workplace

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personal developmentIn the ever-changing world of work, it’s essential to continually develop your skills in order to stay ahead of the competition and further your career. This is particularly relevant following the recent evolution of remote working, as new skills are required to operate efficiently. However, the reality is that up to 35% of workers have never sought out training on their own.

Fortunately, there are many ways to begin your personal development journey and stay ahead of the trends. In this article, we cover several different methods of personal development to help you find the best fit.

Undertake training courses

Although personal development isn’t exclusive to training courses, they remain an effective way to pick up new skills. You can find all kinds of courses for almost any area of development, ranging from job-specific to more general soft skills such as communication.

To know which type of training would be most beneficial to you specifically, look at your performance review feedback and your personal goals to see which areas you need to buff up. Especially if you work in a competitive industry, it’s well worth doing your research and staying up to date with emerging trends and technologies that you could learn to help keep you at the front of the pack. If you’re not sure, then make sure to follow some industry leaders on social media, and see what skills they’re displaying that you’re not.

Finding and embarking on a training course is easier than ever in the modern age of remote learning. There’s no longer a need to travel in order to upskill yourself, making it more accessible and convenient. Completing the course remotely also tends to make it a lot cheaper, owing to the typical venue overhead costs being eliminated.

Set achievable goals

Setting goals provides a sense of direction and purpose, motivating workers to focus on their priorities. When setting goals, it’s important to ensure that they’re achievable amongst other things. Using the SMART method can help with this, standing for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

Ask yourself what it is that you want to achieve in order to further your personal development. Once you’ve decided on your target areas of improvement, use that to formulate goals following the SMART method. This can really help to break down a seemingly big task into smaller, more manageable steps.

Use an executive coach

An executive coach is a specialist dedicated to your own personal development. Their industry experience means they’re able to provide clients with detailed advice specific to their own situation. This kind of customized plan is invaluable when it comes to self-improvement, as your coach will be able to help you quickly identify areas of improvement and provide you with tips on how to tackle them.

Be sure to also ask your employer about mentorship opportunities, as they may be able to assign you to someone within the company to help your progress and expand your professional skills. Perhaps you’re interested in learning more about a different department, or leadership skills to help you climb the ladder of success. Being active and seeking new learning opportunities is a great way to show your employer you take your professional progression seriously.

(If you would like to be coached by the founder of theglasshammer, please email nicki@theglasshammer.com or book an exploratory session.)

Learn something new every day

Keeping your brain active can be done in many different ways, and you shouldn’t only focus on work-based learning. Reading regularly, whether it’s fiction or nonfiction, exercises your brain and makes you better able to absorb knowledge, improves cognitive function, enhances memory and enriches your vocabulary. These skills are beneficial not just for personal evolution but will also go a long way to furthering your professional pursuits.

From listening to podcasts to learning a new hobby, cooking, or just socializing with new people, there are plenty of ways to enrich your brain and learn new skills to help your professional development.

Work on your existing skills

No matter your industry, there is always room for improvement within your existing skill set. You might think you’re an expert on your current tools, but quite often there are ways to further optimize your work.

Think about what your typical day consists of and do some research on the tools you use the most often. Sometimes something as simple as watching a quick video online can provide you with new shortcuts or ideas, but if you’re looking for more in-depth knowledge, consider reaching out to a coworker or friend that’s familiar with the tool.

You might find that you can both learn things from each other that can help to make you more productive. As the saying goes, knowledge is power, so make sure you’re taking the time to invest in yourself.

By: Kathleen White, who works as an independent business analyst for several small businesses. She completed her degree in Business and Management. She enjoys writing in her spare time to share what she has learned, in hopes of benefiting other businesses.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Op-Ed: Breaking the Mold – How to Become Your Own Boss

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Amy PorterfieldThe meeting that catalyzed me to become my own boss feels like it happened yesterday.

I was working as the director of content development for peak performance coach Tony Robbins and was called into a meeting. Online education was just starting to take off, and Tony had invited some of the most successful entrepreneurs in this space to come in and share their experiences.

These men — and they were all men — had hugely successful digital courses, online membership programs, and mastermind groups. We were exploring how we could add this strategy to our business.

My job was to sit there quietly and take notes. And since women hold only 8.2% of CEO roles, this dynamic didn’t seem unnatural to what I was used to. But as I was taking notes, everything started to change for me.

I realized I wanted a seat at the table, not just near it. I wanted to be a part of changing statistics like the global gender pay gap – currently estimated to be 16%, meaning women earn an average of 84 cents for every dollar men earn.

And finally, I realized I wanted to be part of the 12 million women-owned businesses in the US that generate over $1.8 trillion in revenue and employ over 9.4 million people.

So I decided to start my journey towards these desires right then and there in the meeting. I paid close attention to what these powerful business owners were sharing, and today, I want to pass along three lessons I learned to help you build the business – and life – of your dreams, too.

1. It is possible to design your life on your own terms.

As I listened to those entrepreneurs talk about their businesses, I realized something that changed how I thought about my career path. These men were all in different industries but had one thing in common: freedom. They weren’t hitting the glass ceiling. They weren’t asking for permission. They were taking charge of their own destiny.

Without knowing it, women let outside forces shape their destinies all the time. Just look at the latest PitchBook data showing how startups with all-women teams receive a mere 1.9% of the 238.3 billion dollars of venture capital awarded each year.

But these men… in this meeting? They were calling the shots and not waiting for someone to give them a green light on their business ideas.

They were achieving business success while designing a life on their own terms. And I wanted to do that too.

For me, the answer was to build my own business and be my own boss. I wanted to do work I loved and do it how, when, and where I chose. That would be designing life on my own terms.

When I started exploring what life on my own terms looked like,
 I remember reaching out to a business owner and boldly asking:

 “I know you don’t offer this as a service, but could I pay you for an hour to ask how you built your business?” 



She said yes, and I spent that hour under my desk whispering into the phone as she broke down steps to get started, how to align a business with personal values, and how she brought her vision to life on her terms.

It wasn’t glamorous, but it was just what I needed.

She could have said no, and if that happens to you, I want you to look at that “no” as bringing you one step closer to a “yes.” Keep reaching out and asking people for advice. Eventually, a door will open.

And mentors like this don’t have to come in the form of a person, either. Books like Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert showed me how my ideas were a big enough deal that I could build a business around them.

The message she shares in the book about how you can either go all in and share your gifts with the world, or dismiss them, resonated with me and served as the kick in the pants I needed to get crystal clear on how I wanted to impact the world.

A life designed on your terms might look different than mine. That’s the beautiful thing: You have the power to choose your path. 

And once you do, I encourage you to find a mentor to guide you as you walk down it toward your dream life!

2. Your existing knowledge and skills are more valuable than you think.

As I listened to the men in that boardroom talk about the online courses they were selling, I took note of their success. Each one had taught hundreds or even thousands of students, creating a massive impact in their field. From dating advice to real estate investing, they were transforming lives. It was truly inspiring.

I also took note of what they didn’t say. None of them talked about investing years and years into certification and education before they created their first course. They didn’t go back to school to earn a business degree before they launched. They weren’t wracked with fear about staying on top of their game.

In fact, whether you’re starting your own business or applying for a new job, this seems to be a common theme. A Hewlett Packard report found that while men apply for a job if they meet only 60% of the qualifications, women tend to apply only if they meet 100%. That stops now – you know enough to take the first step!

Your knowledge today has enormous value if you share it with the right audience. Whether you are starting an online education business of your own or continuing a professional career, the key is to look for places where you have a 10 percent edge.

If you are at least 10 percent ahead of those you serve, you can lead the way. In fact, it’s sometimes easier to lead when you aren’t too far out in front.

3. Boss traps are a barrier to success.

The third thing I noted during the meeting was that these highly successful entrepreneurs had faced their share of problems. Yes, a professional career comes with challenges. But becoming your own boss isn’t always smooth sailing either.

As I started my own business, I discovered that many of the traps you fall into as a boss stem from “demoting” yourself and not embracing the full scope of your role. You may experience some of these in your career as well. For example, one of the most common boss traps is falling prey to superwoman syndrome and trying to do everything yourself.

A study by the U.S. Bureau Of Labor Statistics found that 20% of businesses failed within the first year, and I believe many are due to superwoman syndrome.

There are so many stories of entrepreneurs who had to learn this lesson the hard way, from Arianna Huffington, the co-founder of The Huffington Post, to Sophia Amoruso, founder of Nasty Gal.

In 2007, after launching the news site, Huffington became consumed by the demands of running the business and regularly worked 18-hour days. In 2007, she collapsed from exhaustion and hit her head, resulting in a broken cheekbone and stitches.

This experience prompted her to reassess her priorities and make changes in her life and work. She stepped down as editor-in-chief of The Huffington Post in 2016 and launched Thrive Global, a company focused on wellness and reducing burnout.

Huffington has since spoken about the importance of taking care of oneself and avoiding the trap of “superwoman syndrome” in order to be successful in business.

Sophia Amoruso is another example of a founder falling into the “superwoman syndrome” trap. She launched the online clothing retailer Nasty Gal in 2006 as an eBay store and grew it into a successful brand with over $100 million in annual revenue.

However, Amoruso took on too much work herself and ultimately experienced burnout. In 2015, Amoruso stepped down as CEO of Nasty Gal after the company filed for bankruptcy.

She has since gone on to start a new company, Girlboss, which aims to provide resources and a community for women entrepreneurs. Amoruso has spoken publicly about the lessons she learned from her experience with Nasty Gal, including the importance of delegation and self-care in avoiding burnout.

I tell you these stories not to discourage you, rather, to remind you that none of us magically wake up one morning feeling like a “boss babe” from Instagram. It takes time, experience, and a willingness to change to become a leader who can live life on her terms.

You absolutely deserve to get there. And along the way, don’t forget to take off your superwoman cape and ask for help so you can bring people along for this incredible journey you’re starting! 

It’s like the legendary leader John Maxwell says, “Leadership doesn’t involve being ‘lonely at the top.’ If you’re at the top of a mountain alone, you’re not a leader, you’re a hiker.”

Dream big, but don’t stop with a dream. As quickly as possible, take a step toward that dream. Action creates clarity, and clarity will propel you to more action.

Don’t wait. I know you’ve got this.

Amy Porterfield teaches eight best-selling courses that empower women across the globe to take their futures into their own hands. She hosts the top-ranked marketing podcast Online Marketing Made Easy and author of the new book, Two Weeks Notice: Find the Courage to Quit Your Job, Make More Money, Work Where You Want, and Change the World.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Op-Ed: Go Ahead, Burn That Bridge – How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

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Laura Gassner OttingDuring a two decade career in executive search, it was my job to call the most successful people in the world and recruit them away on behalf of my clients. They were successful, which is why I was calling them. But despite all this success, they weren’t very happy, which is why they were calling me back. Over time, I became fascinated with the question, “Why doesn’t success equal happiness?”

One reason stood out: Most of us were handed a definition of success by someone else. In other words, when we were younger, someone – perhaps a parent, a teacher, a friend, even a celebrity – told us who we should be when we grew up, and we adopted it, either consciously or subconsciously, until it became our path.

For me, there was a fourth grade teacher who told me that I was argumentative and should become a lawyer. There was a grandmother who wanted me to marry a nice Jewish doctor. There was the boss who wanted me to maximize his profit margin. For each of these people, I jumped through hoops. And then one day, I woke up and asked myself, when all the boxes were so full, why did I still feel so empty?

Once I identified the problem, I was aghast: it was me. I was trying so hard to please everyone around me that I didn’t stop to ask myself if what I was doing was really pleasing me.

If this sounds all too familiar, you are not alone. According to a survey conducted by YouGov, “About half (49%) of Americans say they would self-identify as people-pleasers. Women (56%) are more likely than men (42%) to say they would describe themselves this way.” Psychology Today notes that people pleasing, at its roots, comes from insecurity (probably based in early childhood), a lack of confidence, and an aversion to conflict. When I wanted to get to the bottom of this, I had to look in the mirror, but I also had to look at who was surrounding me, and who I was so afraid would reject me.

“People won’t like the me I really want to be.”

I hear that a lot from individuals in my executive coaching practice who come to me when they’ve had just enough success to see a version of their increased potential that they never knew existed. I call this moment Wonderhell. It’s amazing and exciting and humbling to achieve something you didn’t think possible. But it also introduces uncertainty, doubt, impostor syndrome, and exhaustion. It’s wonder and it’s hell. It’s Wonderhell, and it’s the space in between who you were yesterday and who you just realized you can become tomorrow.

In this space, we have two choices. First, we can either continue to please the people from our yesterdays. Some of these people are incredibly helpful allies, supporters, and champions. Perhaps they love you and don’t want to see you get hurt. Perhaps they are jealous and, when they see your rise, can only reflect on their own stagnation. Perhaps they are scared and think, “You can’t do that. That’s too scary!” And what they really mean is “I can’t do that. I’m too scared.” But, what about the ones who aren’t so well meaning?

Herein lies the second choice. When we stop pleasing the people whose lack of imagination is holding back our ambitions, we can make room for the people who should populate our tomorrows. It’s not that those other people won’t like the new, real, bigger you. It’s that those people’s opinions no longer matter.

Burn That Bridge

It’s not just people in your intimate physical circle, either. The influences that compel you to please others come from social media, too.

Did you know that people with overweight friends are 57% more likely to become overweight themselves, even if those friends live on the other side of the country? Your emotional connection, not your physical proximity, is the key factor. Studies show that the behavior of your closest intimates—wherever they are—influences the way you behave.

So whether it is slacking on your diet or exercise plan, or deciding an unfulfilling career path, personal relationship or hobby, what they do becomes what you do. What they think becomes what you think. What they normalize becomes what you normalize. Which begs the question: are you pleasing people who make you better, or who make you worse?

Each time you want to run full speed into your next Wonderhell, you’ll find friction with those who aren’t going there with you. They won’t like the you that you want to become. But why let them define your success? Why should they get a vote about what or who you should be? When you grow—when your life gets bigger—you are inevitably going to outgrow the people who liked you when you were smaller.

It’s time to stop giving votes in your life to people who shouldn’t even have voices.

Laura Gassner Otting is the author of Wonderhell: Why Success Doesn’t Feel Like It Should… and What To Do About It, where she explores themes such as impostor syndrome, doubt, and burnout. She can be found everywhere @heyLGO and at LauraGassnerOtting.com.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Why Choose A Women’s Retreat Instead of A Summer Vacation?

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women's retreatAs we enter spring, summer vacation is approaching. While sometimes a vacation is the perfect break from daily life, other times it may feel like a too short escape. Sometimes, as women, we don’t wish only to take a week away from our lives. Sometimes we want to take a deeper look at how we are feeling in our lives and what belongs here, now? 

Once in a while, a woman admits she skipped the annual girlfriends cocktails on the beach trip or perhaps gifted herself a rare week away alone because she knew she was being called to do something else. That voice came from nowhere but within. Rather than a break, sometimes women want to put the brakes on everything, step back and connect: This is my life: how awake am I to the living of it?

Sometimes we want to listen into our own center with less noise around. We want to take an honest look at whether we are allowing ourselves to feel what we truly feel, be who we want to be and do what we most want to do – and how we, ourselves, might be getting in our way. We want to see if we have fallen into getting by in life instead of enchanting our lives. We want to reimagine our possibilities and shift, within ourselves, to be more intentionally in alignment with our desires.

When women choose a women’s retreat, it’s often because they are confronting a crossroads or seek soul nourishiment or simply a fuller sense of aliveness. Which also means they want an experience of life that is nourished from within rather than defined by constant striving. While often held in an idyllic location with exceptional scenery, the real invitation of a women’s retreat is as much to the inner journey as it is to the travel adventure.

Debating about summer plans?

Here are some reasons why you might choose a women’s retreat this year instead of just the usual summer vacation.

You will release stress and be nurtured. Even short mindfulness retreats have shown a significant reduction in stress and anxiety levels and improved biological markers of inflammation. Going on retreat is a way to strip away the distractions and allow yourself to simply be nourished – by your host, by the warmth and sharing of your fellow participants, by the rich offerings of your surroundings. But not only that – you again remember how to truly nourish yourself while on retreat and the importance of that, and not just for a week.

You can disrupt your routine and thought patterns. We typically think at least 6,000 thoughts a day (some say far more) and up to 90% of thoughts are repetitive. Talk about exhausting! At a retreat, you release control of the small decisions and surrender into a different and foreign rhythm. Why does that matter? It disrupts and shakes up your repetitive thought patterns and creates spaciousness in which you can hear other voices within. It’s amazing how the questions and also being-ness that lie buried just under the busy-ness begin to surface.

You will get back into your body and intuition. We live so predominantly in our minds in the modern world and even more so as faces on screens in the virtual workplace. And how much of achievement culture is based on striving and producing at all costs, even if overriding the physical self? Have your ever actually, even once, crossed off the entire to-do list and finally got to the landing? You have to create it for yourself, regardless. A retreat invites you to get back into your body. Whether through breathing or meditation or yoga or free movement, you are given the opportunity to connect with your body and the rich and embodied insight that lives in your cellular awareness.

You will step out of your roles. We play many roles in our lives, but sometimes, we can get so enmeshed with them that the roles start to parade around as us. A role includes any ‘part’ you play from which you derive value, worth or a sense of identity – both the roles that you love (chief executive, favorite grandmother) and roles that you don’t (undervalued team member, sleepless mom of a difficult child). No matter the role, no matter who assigned it to you, no matter what you’ve made it mean and no matter how much your identity may be wrapped up in it, every role is too small. Sometimes we derive our worth from the roles we play and the scripts we’ve created, displacing it from our core. We can also victimize or aggrandize ourselves through roles. Stepping out of them challenges you to value yourself inherently.

You will be seen, heard and validated. Small talk comprises up to one-third of our speech, and plays an important role in social interaction. But women do not come to a retreat to have the usual conversation. A retreat circle is a circle of women who usually did not know each other previously: it can provide a place without history. No blueprint of your identity exists here. Women often come to shake up the conversation they have with themselves. And sometimes, all it takes is being heard saying something you thought you could not, so you can finally clear your throat and let your voice come through. You are invited to be raw and authentic and unresolved. In a women’s retreat, women come together with the intention to honor and support each other – but in doing so, we also redefine what that means.

You can expect some perspective shifts. Of course, putting yourself in new and often incredible surroundings can refresh your perspective. But, if you dare, expect more. Whether we want to face it, there is no one consensus reality. Our experience of life emerges through our practices of perception. In the context of a women’s retreat, you may be able to see where you are buying into beliefs about yourself and the world that have never worked for you. You may be able to see where you are inhibiting yourself with the patterns or false virtues or committing to things you don’t want to with regular reinforcing action, instead of what you want. What if you’ve played down the part of you that would benefit you most to play up? You may recognize that you are sitting in victimhood where it would feel so much more empowering to recognize your agency and your choice. What if the world and your options are not nearly as limited as you have been determined to see them?

You may feel a rush of life force or have new visions. In a women’s retreat, you are invited to remember that being self-loving is how you fill your own cup, so that you can spill over. As you begin to pour into yourself on retreat, with less going on externally to take up space within you, do not be surprised if you begin to feel like you are accessing more of yourself. You may find more to be grateful for. You may remember a vivid energy or quality about yourself that you’ve forgotten and now want to bring back. Or a new way you want to share from your heart. You may realize you have enough resource and energy to make real steps, first within, towards a change you wish for. You may simply feel more at peace and able to be less shaken by the chaos outside of you. But it would be very rare if you thought and felt exactly the same as you did arriving.

Which is the main point, really. So, the biggest reason to skip the traditional summer vacation and go on a women’s retreat this year? What animates you most in life is living into and showing up for this adventure of you.

By: Aimee Hansen – Our “Heart” coach, interviewer, and lead writer – is a women’s retreat creator and facilitator. The Journey Into Sacred Expression writing and yoga women’s retreats on Lake Atitlan in Guatemala are recommended in Lonely Planet Wellness Escapes and have been praised by the nearly 200 women who have gathered with her. Circle with women underneath volcanoes to write, meditate, do yoga, move and participate in various sessions. She has two summer events in 2023: July 7-15 and Aug 25 – Sept 2. Each has 12 spaces only.

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How to Master Remote Interviews

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remote interviewsTen years ago, the idea of a fully remote role would have been unusual, if not unheard of, especially in some industries. But with the COVID-19 pandemic forcing many of us to work from home in recent years, remote work post-pandemic has become increasingly normal.

The benefits of working from home are clear: better work-life balance, no more lost commuting time, reduced costs, and perhaps even increased productivity without office distractions. But working remotely requires a skill set that is focused on communication, self-management and technical confidence.

Job applicants will want to ensure that their CV accurately reflects these skills, but the interview stage is crucial to successfully be hired for a role. Particularly with remote roles, a video interview is part of the process of understanding whether a candidate has the necessary experience to succeed in the future. So how can job seekers set themselves up for success? We take a look.

Be aware of body language

Saying the right things is understandably important when it comes to interviewing, but body language will also play a part. Even if it’s subconscious, the interviewer may warm to a candidate if their body language is open, calm, and confident. This has always been true at in-person interviews, where eye contact and handshakes are a normal part of the process. But how can candidates replicate this on a screen?

Firstly, candidates should make sure to position their camera at eye level so that they’re able to give the impression of eye contact, and the interviewer is able to clearly see their facial expressions. Having a good posture, keeping a calm but confident tone of voice, and smiling will all help applicants ace virtual interviews according to this guide to job hunting in the age of remote work. Interviewing over an internet connection can make it harder to hear what’s being said, so the interviewee should also ensure they’re speaking slowly enough and speaking up.

If a candidate is worried that they will mumble or get flustered when answering, then they can make sure to consider some responses to generic questions before the call. Practicing answers in front of a mirror might sound excessive, but it can help with correcting any body language issues before the big day. Interviewees can also either choose to hide their self-view on screen if it’s too distracting or keep it open to check on how their body language is coming across to others.

Dress professionally

Dressing professionally, even if the interview is taking place virtually, is key for any hopeful remote employee. If in doubt, it’s always best to be a bit overdressed than underdressed – first impressions count. Whilst it can be tempting to go smart on the top half and casual when it comes to trousers, dressing for the role can help encourage confidence and self-belief. Plus, on the off chance that a candidate needs to stand up on the call (unexpected fire alarms do happen), the professional impression will last.

Test the technology

Technology is vital for success in any remote role, and as such it’s important that it works correctly at the interview stage to give a good impression. Interviewees should make sure that their camera, microphone, and internet connection are working properly ahead of time, and know how to use the meeting platform that the interviewer has proposed. Having a small test meeting with a friend can be a good way to ensure that everything is as it should be, checking that the picture is clear and the lighting is good.

Applicants should also make sure that they know how to handle things if they don’t quite go to plan. Remaining calm and professional is important no matter what happens, and it can help to have a backup such as dialing into the meeting from a phone instead of a laptop. If possible, it may also be worth learning how to set up a phone hotspot in case of a patchy internet connection.

Use prompts

The joy of a remote interview is the ability to use sticky note prompts, short summaries, or even have your resume to hand. As long as candidates are not looking away from the screen for long periods of time, using cues can be a great way to give clear answers, and cover all the necessary points. Some interviewees also like to use these notecards to prepare their answers before the interview and then memorize key details, similar to revision flashcards.

It’s important to ensure that answers remain natural – note cards can help with key points to remember, but should not be read aloud word for word.

Keep things quiet

Finally, it’s good practice to ensure that any housemates or family members are informed of interviews well ahead of time, to ensure they will be quiet wherever possible. Whilst noise-canceling headphones will handle background sounds with ease, they won’t block out any loud sounds like doors shutting or the vacuum cleaner. Keeping disruption to a minimum is both professional and less distracting for the person interviewing.

Interviewees should also mute any phone or computer notifications to avoid them getting distracted – it’s easier to lose focus when you’re not in the room with the interviewer. However, this is highly noticeable on a screen. This is not good news when it comes to interviewing success – research has shown that 80% of unsuccessful candidates seemed distracted in their video interviews.

The best chance of success

In the modern world of work, candidates are more likely than ever to find a remote role. However, just because we’re working from home more, it doesn’t mean that first impressions at an interview should also be casual. By following these tips, job seekers can help give themselves the best chance of success.

By: Kathleen White, who works as an independent business analyst for several small businesses. She completed her degree in Business and Management. She enjoys writing in her spare time to share what she has learned, in hopes of benefiting other businesses.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Op-Ed: The Fine Line of Executive Presence for Professional Women

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Nicki Gilmour As a coach, I am often hired by companies to work with very high potential women (and men) who are destined for senior leadership, the executive committee and in some cases even have a real shot at being a CEO or CFO of a publicly traded company, even a Fortune 50.

Around 90% of the time, the words ‘executive presence’ come up as part of the brief, or from the women themselves, on what they want to work on in the safety of a coaching relationship. Executive presence really can mean a myriad of things and it is a term I do not love as it has connotations of assimilation to legacy male traits and behaviors that, when transposed, seem awkward or, at their worst, are actually things that women get penalized for behaviorally. As the past thirty years has shown us, progress can be tricky when societal norms hold firm outside the office. ‘Who is rewarded for what?’ is the ultimate diagnostic question for a workplace culture analysis, not just ‘how many women and BIPOC are in the building?’ It is not Noah’s Ark alone, it is about who gets to be Noah and his ultimate successor and why that is. Also, who does the work and who gets the glory?

It is the double standard, academically defined and much written about double bind that still keeps women out of the office from the White House to the principal’s office (with over 64% of men holding that job while over 80% of teachers are female) to the corner office.

Here are the two fine lines that tend to pop up when people get perception-based feedback.
  1. Passive-seeming versus Assertive. When women are perceived as passive, it is often because they are in fact exercising positive traits but culturally in the organization, more assertive or aggressive behaviors have been rewarded. It is interesting when someone gets labeled conflict avoidant as leaders do need to be able to have the hard conversations and deliver messages upwards to the board and downwards to the team that are sometimes not as favorable as one would hope for. Collaboration is something that should be rewarded in companies but through the lens of innovation and evolving process for best results. Gravitas is really a key trait for all leaders so that the people following them can really trust in what they say as true from an expert or authority perspective.
  2. Aggressive versus Assertive. When women are told that they are aggressive, it is often these days accompanied by people admitting that they wouldn’t think the women getting the feedback would be hearing that same comment if she was a man. So, awareness of the gendered nature of the two sides of the positive and negative stereotype is encouraging, yet still remains a coach’s main fare more often than not. What do you do if you hear this? Separate the “what” from the “how” as it is not about competence or delivery of the tasks and responsibilities, but rather how you make people feel and that can be easily addressed with active listening, charm, captioning and aligning tools to put into your toolkit.
Recognizing and honing your own leadership learning and communication styles

To grow into the leader you want to be on your leadership journey, start with you and understanding your styles and preferences regarding work. You can recognize that others have a different style to you, once you see styles for what they are and how they show up in communications, learning and thinking. How do you uncover your style? The fastest way is to work with a good executive coach who specializes in executive and leadership development, as opposed to straight career coaching.

But, if you don’t have access to that type of resource, then ask yourself: what are your style preferences when it comes to communicating and being communicated with? Are you direct and candid or do you prefer to couch your requests in sentences where the audience can hear a gentler message, sometimes amongst other messages? We are all different and there are many free versions of Myers Briggs and other great tools free online to start, such as SCARF (the neuro-leadership institute) and Emotional Agility report by Dr. Susan David. The Learning Styles Inventory (LSI) is not expensive and comes with a full explanation of how you learn and apply knowledge. Curious souls on their development journey will benefit.

We are all somewhat beholden to how we were raised in our families and societies, unless we have taken the time to disrupt that – which you can start doing today by reading Immunity to Change. Doing this with a coach, or even by yourself, will help you to understand what is stopping you from reaching goals in any sense, including D&I ones.

Nicki Gilmour is the founder of theglasshammer and also works as a leadership and executive coach, helping the companies to lean in while empowering executives to grow and develop. If you would like to be coached by Nicki please email nicki@theglasshammer.com or book an exploratory session. If you are a leader or an HR professional who wishes to know more about the Organizational development work we do check out our site evolvedemployer.com

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Op-ed: How to succeed as a #softblackgirl in Corporate America

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#softblackgirl – It has been said over the years anecdotally that as a Black person in white America, you’ve got to work twice as hard to get half as far. I feel like this has resonated with me for my entire life, and this reality served as a fire for my work ethic. I spent over 20 years leading teams at Fortune 500 companies and startups in Silicon Valley. I worked nights and weekends attempting to make a crack in the “concrete ceiling.” Many are familiar with the term the “glass ceiling,” referring to barriers for women to advance in their careers. We all know that glass eventually can be broken. However, I believe for Black women, our ceiling is a much tougher one to even crack. There have only been four Black women CEOs of Fortune 500 companies in our entire history! And there are only two that are active today.

According to Lean In’s The State of Black Women in Corporate America, for every 100 men promoted to manager, only 58 Black women are promoted, despite the fact that Black women ask for promotions at the same rate as men.

With the obstacles stacked against us at work, and the “invisible labor” that we undertake at home, self-care tends to go out the window as we prioritize our jobs and our families. How can Black women possibly embrace this movement towards a soft life and still do well in the workplace?

5 Steps to Succeed as a #SoftBlackGirl in Corporate America

1. Set Boundaries

Boundaries can come in different forms. Perhaps it’s the hours you are available for work. For example, you might set a strict boundary that you are unavailable after 6pm and will not respond to work messages over the weekend. Maybe it’s the frequency of travel that is sustainable for you and your family. Maybe it’s about your preferred communication channels, and you do not want coworkers texting your personal phone. Regardless of what your boundaries are, be sure to communicate them to your colleagues so that they are aware and can make conscious choices around whether to abide by them.

When you are asked to do things that cross your boundaries, I invite you to pause and ask yourself, do I want to do this? Do I have the space to do this? What will the impact be on me and on others if I do this? Listen to your gut. And, if the answer is “No,” communicate just that. Practicing saying “No” in the mirror can be a very powerful exercise to build up your confidence for the real thing.

What is one boundary that you can set right now that prioritizes self-care?

2. Prioritize & Do Less


We often feel like we have to do everything, and that can be extremely overwhelming. The key to both success and self-care in the workplace is to do what matters to the people that matter. Identify who matters in the organization and what they care about. Excel on those projects, and don’t sweat the small stuff! You will get a bigger bang for your buck in terms of your personal brand image at work, and you’ll have more time for you.

One tool that is extremely helpful in prioritizing is the Eisenhower Matrix. In a 2×2 matrix you categorize tasks into urgent vs. not urgent, and important vs. not important. Based on where something falls in the matrix, you can decide whether to do it now, schedule it for later, delegate, or delete it from your list. My favorite of the categories is when you realize that something is both not urgent and not important, and there is something so satisfying about being able to delete it. This is self-care. This is embracing the soft Black girl life!

What tasks on your to-do list are both not urgent and not important?

3. Celebrate Wins Weekly

I often feel like I’m not doing enough. This leads to a spiral of negative thoughts around my competence, value and self-worth. However research shows that when people are reminded of their best work before undertaking a challenging project, they have more creativity and less stress. Taking the time to acknowledge all the amazing things you have achieved can be a powerful confidence boost and do wonders for your productivity. Every week, (Fridays are great), write down what you can celebrate this week. Small steps of progress count, even if it’s just sending an email that was hard to write!

Once you have recognized all the great wins of the week, it’s important to also take the time to celebrate! I invite you to “Treat Yo’ Self!” This doesn’t necessarily mean to go on a shopping spree, though if that’s what you feel like, then by all means! Think about what brings you joy. Maybe it’s a pedicure. Maybe it’s a luxurious bubble bath with some candles and bath bombs. Maybe it’s a piece of your favorite chocolate.

What is one thing you can celebrate this week? How can you treat yourself?

4. Communicate Your Wins

It’s important that you get the recognition that you deserve, so don’t be shy about communicating your wins both to people more senior in the organization and to those on other teams. In response to “How are you?” at the water cooler, be sure to casually mention your wins. “I’m doing great! I just led this project with {insert success metrics}” or, ”We are very close to launching XYZ!” Consider being the one to send celebration emails when your team has a win. If they come from you, people will associate that win with you!

What is one win that you can communicate to your colleagues?

5. Schedule Self-Care Breaks

If you don’t put it on the calendar, it most likely won’t happen. So schedule time for self-care in your day. This can be something as short as a 5 minute reset break where you are intentional about doing a rejuvenation practice such as box breathing. If breathing isn’t your thing, you could set a timer for two minutes and massage your temples. It’s an amazing stress reliever. If you have more time, maybe you go for a walk outside if the weather is nice, or do a 20 minute sound bath to relax. Consider taking lunch breaks away from your computer. These very simple acts can completely change your day, your mood, and your ability to do your best work! When the calendar reminder comes up, and you are tempted to finish up “just that one little thing,” remind yourself of this mantra:

“Today I choose me!”

Bio: Zee Clarke, a Harvard MBA, breathwork expert, and author of Black People Breathe (March 14, 2023 / Penguin Random House). After experiencing a number of race related challenges, from racial profiling and harassment by the police to microaggressions in the workplace, she realized that mindfulness and breathwork were much more powerful outside of the yoga studio and in the context of our everyday lives. Trained in India, Zee leverages her toolkit of yoga, meditation, breathwork, sound healing, and Reiki, to ensure that all people of color have the tools to thrive despite any challenges that race, gender, or sexuality might present. 

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