The Guilt Gap: Why Women Feel More Guilt Than Men and How to Overcome It

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the guilt gapThe guilt gap doesn’t just affect individuals. When researchers asked men and women to list reasons they typically feel guilty, women listed more than men when considering their personal and professional lives.

If you share that internalized guilt, it doesn’t have to follow you around forever. Learn more about why the guilt gap exists and how to overcome it.

1. Feeling Rushed to Achieve Milestones?

Everyone’s felt the pressure to reach a big milestone. Whether that’s graduating from college, landing your dream job or starting a family, the stress can lead to guilt when you don’t accomplish those things quickly.

You’re not alone if the pressure stresses you out. A recent survey found 40% of Americans feel like they haven’t reached their life milestones fast enough. When stress turns into guilt, it’s time to shift your perspective.

Solution: Focus on Your Accomplishments

Recognizing and celebrating your accomplishments can reverse the guilt that may come with working toward long-term goals. Instead of looking at your timeline negatively, reflect on how many incredible things you’ve done in the meantime. Setting aside time to do this regularly could battle your guilt on your journey toward your goals.

2. Feeling a Sense of Competition?

Women may feel a more significant guilt gap in the workplace if there’s a toxic environment. A sense of competition among co-workers can be healthy — unless it becomes all-consuming. The result is a sense of frustration that may lead to guilty worries that you’re never doing enough to be worthy of your spot on your team.

Research backs the reality of women feeling pushed or called to do more in their jobs. A recent study found women have significantly higher corporate social responsibility than men — especially in the first decade or two of their careers.

Solution: Practice Saying No

Telling someone no means you’re reserving time for your mental health. You’ll have less stress, which might be the primary factor intensifying your guilt.

However, you might also feel guilty when you say no to someone. It’s easy to think spreading yourself thin is healthy because it helps others. In reality, it only leads to burnout that takes the joy from your daily life.

Practice saying no to little things and work up to bigger things. It’s a healthy way to value your time and mental health. Use your reserved time for more practical efforts, like self-care habits or resting. There will always be other opportunities to grow or help others when your guilt and stress aren’t draining your energy.

3. Feeling Guilty About Your Self-Care?

When parts of your life feel unmanageable or outside your control, the daily stress and anxiety can negatively affect your mental health. Self-care is a helpful resource to reduce that stress, but you might feel guilty about taking time for yourself.

Researchers found that 19% of single women feel selfish for setting aside time for their self-care. The same research concluded that 86% of married women feel the same way. Selfish feelings can come with extra guilt because you don’t want to let anyone down by spending time on yourself.

Solution: Pursue Healing With Self-Care

Life isn’t always perfect for anyone, so you’ll need self-care to maintain your mental health at any age. This guilt that comes with taking time for yourself can be extra exhausting if you’re one of the 31% of millennials with depression or another mental health condition.

It’s harder to process and release lingering stress when your mental health feels frayed. Self-care habits ensure you’re putting your needs first so things like stress and anxiety don’t degrade your quality of life.

Consider which activities or habits might relax you the most. An evening walk, an aromatherapy diffuser or an adult coloring book could reduce the anxiety triggering your guilt. Research shows self-care behaviors are equally effective at home compared to socialized environments. You don’t need to attend an in-person yoga class or exercise group to improve your mental health.

Starting healthier self-care habits may require the hard work of setting your negative feelings aside. As you get used to prioritizing your needs, the sense of selfishness and corresponding guilt will fade with practice.

4. Feeling Guilty for Pursuing Your Career?

Whether through messages they receive from loved ones, movies or TV shows, women can feel pressured to have specific chapters in their lives. People might have celebrated you starting a career after graduating college, but eventually, they started talking about when you would get married, settle down and start a family.

Those things can bring some women immense joy. Other women want to focus on their careers. When you’re caught in the middle, research shows gender stereotypes trigger guilt when women work longer hours and pursue their careers more purposefully. This specific guilt may feel impossible to overcome, but it’s manageable if you prioritize your dreams.

Solution: Cheer Yourself Toward Your Goals

Overcoming this guilt requires daily work, but it could bring you peace. Commit to cheering yourself on when you wake up each day. Everyone has the right to live a life that makes them happy — career-oriented people are no exception to that rule.

If you aren’t sure which path will make you most happy, consider making a pros-and-cons list. Compare potential futures and listen to your gut instinct. Whichever seems most enjoyable to you will give you the confidence you need to overcome this particular type of guilt.

5. Feeling Like You Can’t Make Mistakes?

When women carry immense responsibilities, letting one of them fall to the side can feel devastating. Guilt may crop up when simple mistakes happen because you don’t want to let anyone down.

One study found that women feel more guilt when they don’t care for their loved ones efficiently. Making mistakes of all sizes account for 10.5% of the reasons participants felt guilty every day. It was the largest mistake category for both men and women, with women feeling the worst about mistakes that compromised their loved ones’ care.

Although no one wants to make mistakes purposefully, the stress of fearing mistakes isn’t healthy. People make accidental bad choices every day. No one can live a life without doing things they regret.

Solution: Look for the Lesson

It’s much easier to use this guilt positively when you reflect on your mistakes. See if you can learn a lesson from the moments that make guilt follow you like a shadow. Was there something you could have done differently? If so, make a purposeful commitment to avoid the same mistake in the future. Acknowledge how your guilt helped you learn and let it go.

If you can’t find a lesson from your guilt, that’s fine, too. It won’t always appear after a learning opportunity. When that happens, it may help to thank your instincts for trying to learn and help you grow. Let your mind know everything’s OK so it can relax. It may ease your guilt back to a manageable level where you can release it or let it passively simmer until it evaporates.

Start Erasing the Guilt Gap

Guilt could make you feel locked into place or shamed away from your dreams. Overcome it by recognizing the source of your guilt and the little truth it holds. It takes courage and bravery to fight internalized misogyny, but it’s possible with a daily commitment to making life more enjoyable for yourself.

Mia Barnes is a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in mental wellbeing and workplace wellness. Mia is also the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind magazine, an online women’s health publication.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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A Checklist for Women Moving Abroad to Work

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moving abroad to workMoving abroad for work is a fantastic way to expand your professional skill set, access more career opportunities, and enjoy exciting new experiences. And while it can be a daunting and challenging process, it’s one that’s very valuable from a personal development perspective.

The best way to minimise stress before a big move is to be prepared, so be sure to tick off these five steps if you’re planning to pursue a new life overseas.

1. Research visa requirements

Securing a visa is one of the most complicated aspects of moving abroad, so begin your research as soon as possible. If you have a job lined up, your employer may be able to advise you on the most suitable visa to apply for. In some instances, your employer may need to submit evidence to support your application.

Consider your long-term plans and how visa laws could affect them. Some can be extended or transferred into permanent residency visas, while others could prevent you from applying for permanent residency in the future. If you haven’t chosen a destination country yet, researching visas could help you decide where to move. For example, Estonia, Iceland, Luxembourg and Germany are some of the easiest countries to secure a work visa.

2. Examine your finances

It’s important to feel confident you’ll be able to support yourself in a new country, so examine your finances carefully and research financial matters in your chosen destination. Look into average living costs and compare them to your current living costs. Ask yourself what kind of salary you’ll need to live comfortably, and research the job market to determine whether that salary is achievable. This information will also help you to negotiate pay with a prospective employer.

You should also research other matters such as tax rates and pension schemes to get an accurate idea of your monthly take-home pay. If you expect to buy a property abroad, either immediately or in the future, research typical interest rates and criteria for loan approval.

3. Learn about local labour right

Each country has unique labour rights and it’s vital you familiarise yourself with the laws of your destination country. When you’re educated about your labour rights, you can make sure your employer is abiding by them and you won’t be faced with unexpected surprises if certain rights you’re used to aren’t applicable in your new job.

If you’re yet to settle on a destination, learning about labour rights in different parts of the world could help you decide where to move. Some countries have significantly better rights for workers than others, making them more suitable for expats looking for a new start in their career. Belgium and Greece are two of the highest-ranked countries when it comes to labour rights, with Finland following closely behind.

4. Budget for moving expenses

Moving abroad can be incredibly expensive depending on how far you’re travelling and what you’re bringing with you. On top of shipping any belongings, you’ll also have to consider the costs of transferring money, hiring storage space and insurance. When importing household goods and vehicles, don’t forget to factor in customs duty and compulsory quarantine costs.

If your move abroad will be temporary, it could be more cost-effective to put your household goods in storage and rent a furnished home. Those making a permanent move should compare average costs of new furniture and appliances in their destination country with the cost of moving their existing goods. If you’re moving abroad because your employer has transferred you or you’ve been headhunted, you might be able to negotiate a relocation package where your employer covers part or all of your moving costs.

5. Connect with fellow expats in your destination country

One of the best ways to prepare yourself for a move overseas is to chat to people who have gone through the process themselves and are living in your destination country. They can share tips, point you towards local resources or services, and even provide practical support to help you get settled in when you arrive.

You can find expat community groups online and via social media. Your employer may also be able to direct you to local expat groups, or it might host its own group if it regularly hires international applicants.

Look forward to new opportunities

Moving abroad is a complex process, but the five steps outlined above will help you prepare for this exciting new phase of your life.

(Guest Contribution: The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Leadership and the Challenge of “Pricing the Priceless”

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pricing the priceless

(by Paula DiPerna)

Visual ecstasy for free, in theory, is how we’ve largely thought about nature — its beauty timeless and ineffable, and all its systems there around us, stable and present and taken for granted. Aesthetically exquisite, but, unless being drawn upon as raw materials, pretty much doing nothing.

Yet, all of nature is constantly at work, providing countless daily services well beyond the obvious: flowers are lovely to look at, but they provide incalculable pollination services; standing trees can provide lumber, but also soil stability and water filtration when left alone, not to mention sequestering carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere by the burning of fossil fuels and causing climate change; coral reefs offer divers a paradise but, meanwhile, they are invaluable buffers against raging storms to protect the coasts and indispensable nurseries for fisheries. Yet, just to take the coral reef example, we book coastal property at high value, sea views inestimable, but the reefs themselves are assigned no value at all in our conventional accounting systems.

Our Failure to Financially Value Nature

Meanwhile, while nature serves us for free, climate change wrenches our balance with nature, as extremes of weather unleash forces we can neither fully predict, nor prepare for. Dryness and wildfire conditions so plague California, major insurance companies have declared they will no longer write fire insurance for homes and property there. In Florida, flood insurance is essentially impossible to obtain.

We face urgent environmental problems because of a gaping flaw in our financial systems no longer possible to ignore: failure to financially value the ineffable elements of life on which our environmental and social stability now increasingly depend. The result? Intangible indispensable natural assets taken financially for granted and, therefore, essentially laid waste.

Or in perhaps the most dramatic example of under-valuing nature, how can it make sense to value mere conveniences like Uber, nice but utterly dispensable, in billions of dollars, and our atmosphere, or the biodiversity of life on earth, utterly indispensable, at zero?

This skewed accounting has rendered nature economically invisible and the most tragically unpaid laborer in history. Because nature charges us nothing for its services, we have over-used and pushed those services to the brink.

The Paradox of Our Time

And so we must embrace the paradox of our time—pricing the priceless, by definition impossible perhaps, but nevertheless essential. How to do this—assign nature and its intangible services a tangible and economic value that can be transacted and expressed in credible financial terms? In essence this means treating nature’s services and natural resources as indispensable infrastructure and assets, thus requiring ongoing maintenance and care, compared to the current situation, where protecting nature is mostly viewed as a budgetary cost center, where expenditures should be minimized.

Calculating the value of the labor performed by nature, known as “ecosystems services,” continues to evolve but estimates have been as high as $125 trillion per year, higher than global GDP, indicating that ultimately all economic activity depends on environmental health one way or another. But this subsidy nature provides our economy remains largely unrecognized and unseen by conventional finance, thus, so does the risk that the subsidy will break down, leaving us likely startled and without the fallback of nature to which our economy is now addicted.

This spring, Susan Berresford, former President of the Ford Foundation, a visionary in philanthropy and a champion of women leaders, received an honorary degree from Bates College. In her remarks she focused on key questions of leadership, likely indeed to be critical as we confront the entwined economic and environmental challenges ahead.

First, she said, today’s leaders must know “am I comfortable being different?” Second: “Can I thrive in situations of ambiguity? There are very few reform efforts in which the pathway for decision making and action is utterly clear. You need to be ready for confusion and uncertainty; in fact you have to like confusion and uncertainty and find opportunity in those moments.” And thirdly, “Do I enjoy managing struggles with generosity? Leadership usually means you are trying to redistribute authority or power or influence.”

Flipping our economic systems so that nature is economically valued, however paradoxical, requires all these qualities, specifically, the courage to see and act anew.

Depreciation of Natural Assets​

Renowned economist, Sir Partha Dasgupta, embodies such radical re-thinking. He was commissioned by the Treasury of the UK government to examine questions of nature’s value, resulting in his landmark 2021 review, “The Economics of Biodiversity.” There, he framed today’s environmental dilemma in terms of financial portfolio management, writing, “The view that the biosphere is a mosaic of self-regenerative assets also covers its role as a sink for pollution. Acid rains damage forests; carbon emissions in the atmosphere trap heat; industrial seepage and discharge reduce water quality in streams and underground reservoirs; sulfur emissions corrode structures and harm human health, and so on. The damage inflicted on each type of asset (buildings, forests, fisheries, human health) should be interpreted as depreciation.”

Fortunately, new investment vehicles are cropping up that value and securitize the benefits of nature—such innovations as the Forest Resilience Bond, being pioneered in Lake Tahoe, California; or coral reef insurance, throughout the Meso-American reef system. Still, however, these are experiments and need to come to scale.

All trend lines indicate that indeed depreciation of our natural systems gallops ahead. Certainly climate change advances, even if in zigs and unpredictable zags, and even the best intended plans to switch to renewable fuels, electrify economies, limit deforestation, encourage recycling and cutting down “carbon footprints” lag dangerously behind.

Pricing the Priceless

Time has come for a radical flip in how we conceptualize nature and its value, and implementing this radical change is perhaps the greatest challenge facing today’s leaders across all sectors, requiring fresh optics and views of economic purpose and where best to invest capital.

An exciting opportunity is at hand for institutional and private investors to redeploy capital and financial assets away from environmental “bads” to “goods,” take on the ambiguities and question conventional financial thinking. Otherwise, we risk remaining mere bystanders to forces at work, and that’s one trajectory we simply cannot afford.

By: Paula DiPerna is the author of Pricing the Priceless: The Financial Transformation to Value the Planet, Solve the Climate Crisis, and Protect Our Most Precious Assets, published in June by Wiley and listed by the Financial Times on its roster of “Best Summer Reading: Economics.” Her novel, The Discoveries of Mrs. Christopher Columbus, published formerly in the US, Germany and Turkey, has just been published in Portugal by Group LeYa. She is a member of the Women’s Forum of New York and the Council on Foreign Relations and is a frequent public speaker. She also currently serves as Special Advisor to CDP.

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How To Optimize Your Leadership Effectiveness When Working from Home

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work from homeOver the past few years, many companies have shifted their operations to a work-from-home model. While this has presented numerous challenges for managers and staff members alike, it has also created an opportunity to optimize leadership and team impact in unique ways. However, in order to do so, leaders must adapt to and overcome the unique obstacles of remote work.

According to recent YouGov statistics, women place more emphasis on the importance of job flexibility than their male colleagues. Not only do 57% of women say that flexible working hours are very important (compared to 44% of men), but almost three-quarters of female respondents (72%) said they want a flexible working location compared to just 57% of men.

When it comes to leadership roles, further research suggests that remote working arrangements give more women the opportunity to be in positions of responsibility. In fact, of the 129 remote companies surveyed, 29% had women in leadership positions (CEO, founder or president). Meanwhile, for traditional companies on the Fortune 500 list, this figure sits below 5%.

In this blog post, we will explore a variety of tips and best practices for optimizing leadership effectiveness while working from home. Whether you’re a seasoned remote worker or are still acclimatizing to the modern working world, this guide will provide valuable insights for cultivating productivity, engagement, and overall success.

Encourage constructive feedback/have individual check-ins

Among the many challenges of remote working is the potential feeling of disconnectedness between team members. When in-person meetings happen less frequently and those impromptu morning catch-ups go by the wayside, it’s harder to form meaningful professional relationships with your teammates.

While it’s incumbent upon each team member to make a concerted effort to form these bonds, ultimately the manager has a pivotal role in generating that team spirit and feeling of belonging.

There are a number of ways in which this can be accomplished, but organizing one-to-one check-ins can be a great starting point. Encourage your staff to come to these meetings with honest feedback about things the team or you as an individual could do differently to enhance their wellbeing in the workplace.

Not only do these regular meetings provide the opportunity for virtual contact, but they’re also a great way to ascertain the thoughts and feelings of the team. If they feel able to provide feedback and know that it’s going to be taken seriously, that can go a long way to helping them feel part of the bigger picture.

Balance the company’s needs with the people’s

One of the biggest battles for any business owner is striking a balance between pursuing long-term goals with the individual needs of their employees. Often, owners and managers can become preoccupied with setting KPIs and tracking metrics that the human element to the world of business can be an afterthought. Essentially, leaders need to consider how they can support staff to have a healthy split between their work and personal lives, whilst also ensuring the company continues to move forward.

For some, work and life has been easier to balance since working remotely, with the removal of commutes giving professionals some extra time back each day. For others, the expectation to always be ‘online’ and constant temptation to check back in after working hours makes it difficult to detach themselves from their professional responsibilities.

According to research, women are more likely to do informal work to promote DEI within their company. Female leaders are also more likely to support the ‘people’ side of the business, advocating for the wellbeing of their colleagues and offering support in managing their workloads and personal challenges. However, while this ‘extra-curricular’ support can be invaluable to employees, it can often lead to female professionals overburdening themselves and sacrificing their own wellbeing as a result.

As a manager, it’s important you lead by example, and set your own boundaries when it comes to working hours. You should make it clear when you can and can’t be contacted for work-related issues – consider setting your hours on your digital calendar or workplace communication platform. Not only will this provide clarity around when people can expect a response from you, but it will also hopefully encourage them to do the same, and keep a clear distinction between work and personal life.

Develop your communication skills

Strong communication is one of the most important aspects of effective leadership, but this can be more difficult to demonstrate when face-to-face conversations are no longer an option. When exclusively communicating to colleagues via online communication tools, there is more opportunity for words to be misinterpreted, which could mean they end up having a harmful effect on the team. At the same time, you want to make your presence felt as a leader, and avoid going days without having any contact with your colleagues.

To get the most out of these digital communication tools, it’s important to understand the role of different platforms. For example, you may not need to organize a virtual meeting to discuss a minor query about a piece of work. Not only is this disruptive to your colleagues’ schedules, but the message is likely to be diluted when communicated in this way. Think carefully about the appropriate times to use emails, instant messaging platforms, phone calls or video conferencing, to streamline your communication and have a more positive impact on the wider team.

By: Elizabeth Fletcher – She writes posts designed to help businesses and employees to come together and create a productive, healthy workplace. She believes that good communication and collaboration are key to a happy working life.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Four Reasons Leaders Need to Look After their Well-being

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leadership and well-beingLeaders tend to feel more pressure than most to work long hours and sacrifice their well-being. For some, this is in hopes of inspiring team members to work hard, and for others, it’s simply due to a desire to reach and exceed goals.

Many professional women often feel additional pressure to prove themselves hardworking, especially when leading in male-dominated industries. However, problems can arise when we overwork ourselves so much that our well-being suffers and the ability to lead effectively diminishes with it.

Here are four important reasons leaders need to protect, not sacrifice, their well-being.

Rest is essential for protecting mental and physical well-being

Good quality sleep is essential for maintaining physical and mental health. Sleep deprivation can inhibit cognitive function, meaning that you can’t perform at your best when you’re tired. Plus, chronic sleep deprivation can lead to depression, anxiety, and stress, all of which can affect work.

Stress is both a cause and symptom of poor sleep, so it’s common to become stuck in a cycle of stress leading to insomnia, leading to further stress, and so on. This cycle can only be stopped when you consciously adopt a healthy sleep hygiene routine and incorporate positive stress management tactics into your day.

Work is a leading cause of stress and subsequent sleep problems, with around 80% of workers in the USA experiencing work-related stress. Those in leadership positions are particularly susceptible to excess stress because they carry more responsibility and are ultimately accountable for their team’s work.

Make sure you put firm limits on your working hours and avoid working late into the night to give yourself time to switch off from work. Many leaders find it helpful to gently unwind before bed by doing gentle exercise, meditating, journaling, taking a bath or reading a book. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day can also help your body find its natural sleep rhythm, meaning you’ll find it easier to fall asleep.

Self-care habits can support productive routines

When you schedule self-care habits into your daily routine, you’re likely to become more productive overall. Our minds can become overwhelmed with lists, tasks, and issues, which may make us reluctant to make time to exercise, indulge in a creative hobby, or prepare a healthy meal.

However, it’s important to take regular breaks from work and allow yourself the time to write down all your to-do’s, make a plan, and take a moment to breathe. Prioritizing self-care is essential for alleviating stress, and when you schedule specific self-care activities in your breaks, you’re less likely to skip them.

Many self-care habits help you to refresh your mind and return to work with greater focus. For example, art and craft activities boost dopamine levels, which aids the creation of neurons in order to promote focus and aid productivity. It might sound counterintuitive, but working less could help you to achieve more if you replace work with activities that nourish your well-being.

Protecting well-being prevents burnout

Burnout is a state of physical and emotional exhaustion that occurs after a long period of chronic stress. It affects focus and productivity, and it tends to generate an uncharacteristic sense of apathy toward work. When someone feels burned out, they can’t function professionally to their full capacity. If they continue to push themselves at work despite experiencing burnout, they run the risk of developing depression or anxiety.

Burnout seems to affect women more than men, especially for those in managerial and leadership positions. A 2021 study found that 49% of women in senior leadership roles reported feeling burned out, as opposed to only 38% of men in similar jobs. This means it’s particularly important for professional women to protect their well-being and create clear boundaries between their work and their personal lives.

Modeling healthy habits inspires team members

A workforce with good physical and mental well-being is likely to be more productive and require fewer sick days than a workforce that is stressed and physically unhealthy. As a leader, it’s your job to support your employees’ well-being to ensure your team operates to its full potential. By prioritizing your self-care, you can lead by example and encourage your team members to look after themselves, too.

Good leaders inspire their teams, and although it’s important to inspire hard work, there’s a fine line between hard work and overwork. If a leader works incredibly long hours with few breaks, their team members might feel pressure to do the same – despite the damage, this can do to their mental health and well-being.

When you encourage a healthy work-life balance and create a culture of self-care in your workplace, you help your team feel inspired to look after their own health, making them more able to perform at their best.

Prioritize your wellbeing to become a better leader

When you take care of your physical and emotional well-being, not only do you protect your ability to lead successfully but you also become a better, more effective leader. Make sure you get plenty of rest and stack up your healthy self-care habits to lead your team to great heights of success.

By: Lucy Ranger is a business development executive who has acquired more than 15 years of experience in the industry. Away from her remote office, Lucy is passionate about sustainability, and regularly volunteers in her local community to help with various clean-up projects and initiatives.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Neutral Thinking: The Key to Hard Conversations and Hard Decisions

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Neutral ThinkingName one person who enjoys having hard conversations, and you’ll likely come up null. In the workforce, complex decision-making and delivering bad news are enough to make your stomach drop. However, hard conversations are sometimes necessary — they could entail asking for a raise, apologizing after making a mistake or losing your cool and providing constructive criticism.

Corporate leaders and professionals face difficult decisions and conversations daily. The key is to check their emotions and express themselves in a way that remains neutral and makes them proud.

Why Are Hard Conversations and Decisions Challenging?

There are a few reasons many managers avoid hard conversations and decisions:

  • Guilt
  • Increased anxiety
  • Adverse reactions from both parties
  • Threats and retaliation
  • Potential conflict or disagreement

Leadership may be known for avoiding talking to employees about hard topics, whether it’s firing someone, demoting them, issuing blame, addressing low productivity or resolving office conflicts. In fact, more companies are ditching the nail-biting year-end reviews for regular touchpoints focusing on goal-setting and open dialogue just to temper negative emotions.

Yet, despite the possibility of all these behavioral outcomes, 54% of leaders have indicated that conflictual discussions spark team engagement and uncover potential growth areas. However, they must engage employees with respect, transparency and prime leadership skills to avoid damaging outcomes.

Gender differences in communication styles significantly impact reactions. Women typically approach conversations with compassion and rapport, while men often lean into facts and problem-solving. Regardless of one’s method, learning to strike a balance is crucial.

6 Strategies for Having Hard Conversations

Your approach to difficult discussions with people can make or break spirits and significantly impact workplace morale. A 2019 Gallup survey found that a mere 10.4% of employees remained engaged at work following negative feedback — another four out of five sought other employment.

Fortunately, honing in on your leadership skills and aiming for neutrality is the best way to decide on and deliver bad news. Here are six strategies that will help you master hard conversations.

1. Create a Planned Approach

Develop a list of bullet points you want to discuss during your meeting. Having the most essential topics in front of you will keep you on track. Just be sure not to write out a script, as conversations rarely go the way you’ve planned.

A well-thought-out approach to challenging discussions with employees or co-workers ensures greater authenticity and a free-flowing discourse.

2. Practice Empathy

Emotional contagion is an alignment of emotions — if a person smiles at someone, they’ll most likely trigger a smile in return. When approaching difficult conversations, empathy goes a long way. The receiver of bad news will take cues from facial expressions, prompting a particular reaction. Likewise, a response may stem from the voice or tone used during indirect communication, such as online or on the phone.

Research suggests that women have an easier time with emotional contagion than men. One study even found that female babies cried for longer when they heard another crying.

However, empathy doesn’t come easily to everyone — some people need to practice it. Demonstrating emotional contagion, whether through facial cues or tone, will help regulate the receiver’s reactions and result in positive communication.

3. Listen and Observe

An effective leader engages in active listening and open communication to reach a solution. That means you should focus more on the other person’s words during conversations.

These one-on-one meetings don’t need to feel like an attack. Ask open-ended questions and allow employees to share their take on a situation. For instance, if someone struggles to meet deadlines, have them explain their challenges, then repeat what they shared to show you understand — “To be clear, you’re saying that knowledge gaps require more time to go over directions than doing the actual work.”

The attention and respect you offer by listening to your employees may result in a more favorable outcome than you initially thought, such as providing additional training. It may also be that they’ve taken on more responsibility than one person can handle, which leaders can step in and help delegate.

4. Face the Hard Stuff Head-On

Some decisions and conversations may be uncomfortable, but being direct often results in more profound respect and better workplace relationships. Nothing will ever get done if you constantly avoid potential conflicts and avoidance could worsen personality clashes and negative behaviors.

People who avoid hard conversations might purposefully overlook problems, joke their way through confrontations, change the topic or bottle up their emotions until they explode. Many put off having conversations indefinitely.

A more direct approach — even if it’s something positive like negotiating a raise or promotion — should encourage back-and-forth communication — this style comes across as less threatening to both parties. It might also be best to give the receiver some times to cool down and reflect on the discussion before continuing.

5. Avoid Absorbing Negative Emotions

While an effective leader should have empathetic tendencies, injecting too much empathy into hard conversations could lead to you absorbing negative feelings — also known as emotional contagion.

It’s crucial to create separation between what you need to get across and how the person responds. You can expect pushback in some instances or meltdowns, but protecting yourself is essential.

Imagine putting up a shield to block negativity or envision yourself wearing armor — this helps build up your resilience to say what you need. The key to emotional neutrality is to stay grounded. Of course, if a hard conversation ends badly, withdrawing to a quiet place will help you regroup and regain composure.

6. Stay Positive

It’s easy to anticipate discourse going array and for someone to fly off the handle. However, not all hard conversations end badly, and addressing complicated topics can have several benefits. When you approach these discussions positively, they’re more likely to be constructive than disastrous.

Hard conversations done correctly could result in an employee that strives harder to meet deadlines, boosts productivity and collaboration, feels more engaged and better aligns themselves with the company’s mission. It could also improve employee attitudes and reduce conflict.

Complex decision-making and conversations will become second nature in time because you’ll expect positive changes and relationships.

Stay Neutral for More Positive Interactions

It’s possible that you’ll never particularly enjoy giving negative feedback and criticism. You may especially dislike letting someone go or engaging in uncomfortable discourse about diversity and inclusion. But as you’re aware, these conversations are crucial and may present the best outcome for the company.

Mia Barnes is a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in mental wellbeing and workplace wellness. Mia is also the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind magazine, an online women’s health publication.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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5 Ways to Highlight Your Leadership Skills on Your Resume

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leadership skills on your resumeStrong leadership skills are a hot commodity — adept leaders make things happen, promote and enhance a company’s vision, and elevate the performance of everyone they work with. Emphasizing your leadership abilities on your resume can help potential employers see the value you’d bring to their enterprise, and ultimately, make you a more attractive candidate.

A slick, well-organized resume is the first step to upping your profile as a leader, so choose a fresh template, and get ready to dive into the content.

Job searching can be draining, trying to get one of the highest paying jobs or even getting that interview, but you may be missing out on opportunities to craft each section of your resume so it reflects essential leadership skills, making it stand out among a sea of applications from similarly-experienced candidates.

Emphasizing crucial skills such as making tough decisions under pressure, guiding colleagues, or coming up with innovative ideas that shape the direction of projects can help propel your resume to the top of a company’s interview list. Below, we’ll go through 5 great ways to highlight leadership on your resume for maximum impact.

1. Include examples of coaching and mentorship

Experience in coaching or mentoring can make you more attractive to hiring managers because it shows your ability to enhance the performance of those around you.

As a starting point, note whether the job description uses specific mentorship-related keywords, such as ‘guide’ or ‘support.’ Mirroring the job description by incorporating these keywords into your resume summary or experience bullet points is a great move because it shows you have the exact skills they’re looking for and optimizes your resume for ATS software.

Then, add a few specific examples of coaching that demonstrate the impact of your mentorship. If you have metrics displaying results such as reduced employee turnover or improved employee satisfaction, now’s the time to mention them.

You can also outline positive outcomes for individuals to demonstrate your impact, such as your mentee receiving a promotion or meeting more KPIs.

2. Highlight the outcome of your projects or teams

Including measurable outcomes in your resume shows hiring managers that you don’t just lead — you lead effectively. Potential employers want to gauge the impact of your leadership on your company’s performance, so backing up your experience with hard data can help employers visualize your impact.

Examples of metrics to include in the experience or achievements sections of your resume include:

  • Increases in revenue, profit, or sales
  • Measurable improvements in team productivity
  • Enhanced employee or client satisfaction ratings
  • Improved employee retention
  • Time or resources saved as a result of streamlined workflows or processes

Even if you don’t have much hard data to work with, you can still use the examples above to guide you in making your resume’s experience section more results-focused so hiring managers can see your successes, not just your experiences.

3. Emphasize effective collaboration

A recent report on HR statistics found that effective teamwork and communication are two of the biggest skill gaps applicants struggle to match. While this applies to any role, effective collaboration is an especially appealing quality in a leader because it’s vital to ensuring team unity, performance, and productivity.

Managers must be able to delegate tasks effectively to ensure roles are clear and prevent workflow bottlenecks. If you have a good example of how your communication skills have improved your team’s ability to collaborate effectively, be sure to include it in the experience section of your resume.

Describe positive results after giving constructive feedback so potential employers can envision how you’ll ensure your colleagues’ growth and development. It could also be worth giving an example of how you’ve acted on feedback you received to demonstrate your ability to reflect and adapt.

4. Show you can lead a team or project remotely

According to McKinsey’s American Opportunity Survey, over half of American workers are working remotely for at least part of the week. Remote leadership skills are in high demand as companies support their employees in maintaining a healthy work-life balance and ensure deliverables are met by a scattered workforce.

Demonstrating remote work skills and experience shows hiring managers you can help their company overcome these hurdles, particularly if you have experience managing a team or project in a remote setting. Even online part-time jobs like a virtual assistant or copywriter help you develop necessary skills to lead remotely.

Describe any strategies you’ve successfully employed to manage issues such as scheduling, employee development, or task management in your experience bullet points and include any quantifiable positive impacts.

5. Demonstrate your problem-solving skills

Problem-solving skills are an essential part of any successful leader’s toolkit because they allow you to identify and troubleshoot issues early, from less significant snags causing inefficiency to major problems threatening entire projects.

Providing examples of changes you’ve made to address a problem and their positive impact offers employers a clearer idea of your abilities than simply listing ‘problem-solving’ in your resume’s skills section. For example, you could add a bullet to your experience section outlining how you streamlined a key process and what difference it made to your team’s time management or productivity.

If you’re unsure where to start, abilities such as organization, effective planning, and critical analysis are strong examples of skills necessary for problem-solving and risk management.

Key Takeaway

Creating a leadership-focused resume involves more than simply listing your experience as a manager. Providing examples of how you applied leadership skills, adding performance metrics to experience bullet points, and enhancing your resume summary and skills section with the right keywords can help you communicate your career story more effectively and paint a compelling picture for potential employers.

By: Emily Crowley is a Senior Content Writer and Resume Expert at Resume Genius, where she loves helping job seekers overcome obstacles and advance their careers. She graduated from George Mason University with a degree in Foreign Language and Culture.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Different Methods of Personal Development in the Workplace

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personal developmentIn the ever-changing world of work, it’s essential to continually develop your skills in order to stay ahead of the competition and further your career. This is particularly relevant following the recent evolution of remote working, as new skills are required to operate efficiently. However, the reality is that up to 35% of workers have never sought out training on their own.

Fortunately, there are many ways to begin your personal development journey and stay ahead of the trends. In this article, we cover several different methods of personal development to help you find the best fit.

Undertake training courses

Although personal development isn’t exclusive to training courses, they remain an effective way to pick up new skills. You can find all kinds of courses for almost any area of development, ranging from job-specific to more general soft skills such as communication.

To know which type of training would be most beneficial to you specifically, look at your performance review feedback and your personal goals to see which areas you need to buff up. Especially if you work in a competitive industry, it’s well worth doing your research and staying up to date with emerging trends and technologies that you could learn to help keep you at the front of the pack. If you’re not sure, then make sure to follow some industry leaders on social media, and see what skills they’re displaying that you’re not.

Finding and embarking on a training course is easier than ever in the modern age of remote learning. There’s no longer a need to travel in order to upskill yourself, making it more accessible and convenient. Completing the course remotely also tends to make it a lot cheaper, owing to the typical venue overhead costs being eliminated.

Set achievable goals

Setting goals provides a sense of direction and purpose, motivating workers to focus on their priorities. When setting goals, it’s important to ensure that they’re achievable amongst other things. Using the SMART method can help with this, standing for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

Ask yourself what it is that you want to achieve in order to further your personal development. Once you’ve decided on your target areas of improvement, use that to formulate goals following the SMART method. This can really help to break down a seemingly big task into smaller, more manageable steps.

Use an executive coach

An executive coach is a specialist dedicated to your own personal development. Their industry experience means they’re able to provide clients with detailed advice specific to their own situation. This kind of customized plan is invaluable when it comes to self-improvement, as your coach will be able to help you quickly identify areas of improvement and provide you with tips on how to tackle them.

Be sure to also ask your employer about mentorship opportunities, as they may be able to assign you to someone within the company to help your progress and expand your professional skills. Perhaps you’re interested in learning more about a different department, or leadership skills to help you climb the ladder of success. Being active and seeking new learning opportunities is a great way to show your employer you take your professional progression seriously.

(If you would like to be coached by the founder of theglasshammer, please email nicki@theglasshammer.com or book an exploratory session.)

Learn something new every day

Keeping your brain active can be done in many different ways, and you shouldn’t only focus on work-based learning. Reading regularly, whether it’s fiction or nonfiction, exercises your brain and makes you better able to absorb knowledge, improves cognitive function, enhances memory and enriches your vocabulary. These skills are beneficial not just for personal evolution but will also go a long way to furthering your professional pursuits.

From listening to podcasts to learning a new hobby, cooking, or just socializing with new people, there are plenty of ways to enrich your brain and learn new skills to help your professional development.

Work on your existing skills

No matter your industry, there is always room for improvement within your existing skill set. You might think you’re an expert on your current tools, but quite often there are ways to further optimize your work.

Think about what your typical day consists of and do some research on the tools you use the most often. Sometimes something as simple as watching a quick video online can provide you with new shortcuts or ideas, but if you’re looking for more in-depth knowledge, consider reaching out to a coworker or friend that’s familiar with the tool.

You might find that you can both learn things from each other that can help to make you more productive. As the saying goes, knowledge is power, so make sure you’re taking the time to invest in yourself.

By: Kathleen White, who works as an independent business analyst for several small businesses. She completed her degree in Business and Management. She enjoys writing in her spare time to share what she has learned, in hopes of benefiting other businesses.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Op-Ed: Breaking the Mold – How to Become Your Own Boss

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Amy PorterfieldThe meeting that catalyzed me to become my own boss feels like it happened yesterday.

I was working as the director of content development for peak performance coach Tony Robbins and was called into a meeting. Online education was just starting to take off, and Tony had invited some of the most successful entrepreneurs in this space to come in and share their experiences.

These men — and they were all men — had hugely successful digital courses, online membership programs, and mastermind groups. We were exploring how we could add this strategy to our business.

My job was to sit there quietly and take notes. And since women hold only 8.2% of CEO roles, this dynamic didn’t seem unnatural to what I was used to. But as I was taking notes, everything started to change for me.

I realized I wanted a seat at the table, not just near it. I wanted to be a part of changing statistics like the global gender pay gap – currently estimated to be 16%, meaning women earn an average of 84 cents for every dollar men earn.

And finally, I realized I wanted to be part of the 12 million women-owned businesses in the US that generate over $1.8 trillion in revenue and employ over 9.4 million people.

So I decided to start my journey towards these desires right then and there in the meeting. I paid close attention to what these powerful business owners were sharing, and today, I want to pass along three lessons I learned to help you build the business – and life – of your dreams, too.

1. It is possible to design your life on your own terms.

As I listened to those entrepreneurs talk about their businesses, I realized something that changed how I thought about my career path. These men were all in different industries but had one thing in common: freedom. They weren’t hitting the glass ceiling. They weren’t asking for permission. They were taking charge of their own destiny.

Without knowing it, women let outside forces shape their destinies all the time. Just look at the latest PitchBook data showing how startups with all-women teams receive a mere 1.9% of the 238.3 billion dollars of venture capital awarded each year.

But these men… in this meeting? They were calling the shots and not waiting for someone to give them a green light on their business ideas.

They were achieving business success while designing a life on their own terms. And I wanted to do that too.

For me, the answer was to build my own business and be my own boss. I wanted to do work I loved and do it how, when, and where I chose. That would be designing life on my own terms.

When I started exploring what life on my own terms looked like,
 I remember reaching out to a business owner and boldly asking:

 “I know you don’t offer this as a service, but could I pay you for an hour to ask how you built your business?” 



She said yes, and I spent that hour under my desk whispering into the phone as she broke down steps to get started, how to align a business with personal values, and how she brought her vision to life on her terms.

It wasn’t glamorous, but it was just what I needed.

She could have said no, and if that happens to you, I want you to look at that “no” as bringing you one step closer to a “yes.” Keep reaching out and asking people for advice. Eventually, a door will open.

And mentors like this don’t have to come in the form of a person, either. Books like Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert showed me how my ideas were a big enough deal that I could build a business around them.

The message she shares in the book about how you can either go all in and share your gifts with the world, or dismiss them, resonated with me and served as the kick in the pants I needed to get crystal clear on how I wanted to impact the world.

A life designed on your terms might look different than mine. That’s the beautiful thing: You have the power to choose your path. 

And once you do, I encourage you to find a mentor to guide you as you walk down it toward your dream life!

2. Your existing knowledge and skills are more valuable than you think.

As I listened to the men in that boardroom talk about the online courses they were selling, I took note of their success. Each one had taught hundreds or even thousands of students, creating a massive impact in their field. From dating advice to real estate investing, they were transforming lives. It was truly inspiring.

I also took note of what they didn’t say. None of them talked about investing years and years into certification and education before they created their first course. They didn’t go back to school to earn a business degree before they launched. They weren’t wracked with fear about staying on top of their game.

In fact, whether you’re starting your own business or applying for a new job, this seems to be a common theme. A Hewlett Packard report found that while men apply for a job if they meet only 60% of the qualifications, women tend to apply only if they meet 100%. That stops now – you know enough to take the first step!

Your knowledge today has enormous value if you share it with the right audience. Whether you are starting an online education business of your own or continuing a professional career, the key is to look for places where you have a 10 percent edge.

If you are at least 10 percent ahead of those you serve, you can lead the way. In fact, it’s sometimes easier to lead when you aren’t too far out in front.

3. Boss traps are a barrier to success.

The third thing I noted during the meeting was that these highly successful entrepreneurs had faced their share of problems. Yes, a professional career comes with challenges. But becoming your own boss isn’t always smooth sailing either.

As I started my own business, I discovered that many of the traps you fall into as a boss stem from “demoting” yourself and not embracing the full scope of your role. You may experience some of these in your career as well. For example, one of the most common boss traps is falling prey to superwoman syndrome and trying to do everything yourself.

A study by the U.S. Bureau Of Labor Statistics found that 20% of businesses failed within the first year, and I believe many are due to superwoman syndrome.

There are so many stories of entrepreneurs who had to learn this lesson the hard way, from Arianna Huffington, the co-founder of The Huffington Post, to Sophia Amoruso, founder of Nasty Gal.

In 2007, after launching the news site, Huffington became consumed by the demands of running the business and regularly worked 18-hour days. In 2007, she collapsed from exhaustion and hit her head, resulting in a broken cheekbone and stitches.

This experience prompted her to reassess her priorities and make changes in her life and work. She stepped down as editor-in-chief of The Huffington Post in 2016 and launched Thrive Global, a company focused on wellness and reducing burnout.

Huffington has since spoken about the importance of taking care of oneself and avoiding the trap of “superwoman syndrome” in order to be successful in business.

Sophia Amoruso is another example of a founder falling into the “superwoman syndrome” trap. She launched the online clothing retailer Nasty Gal in 2006 as an eBay store and grew it into a successful brand with over $100 million in annual revenue.

However, Amoruso took on too much work herself and ultimately experienced burnout. In 2015, Amoruso stepped down as CEO of Nasty Gal after the company filed for bankruptcy.

She has since gone on to start a new company, Girlboss, which aims to provide resources and a community for women entrepreneurs. Amoruso has spoken publicly about the lessons she learned from her experience with Nasty Gal, including the importance of delegation and self-care in avoiding burnout.

I tell you these stories not to discourage you, rather, to remind you that none of us magically wake up one morning feeling like a “boss babe” from Instagram. It takes time, experience, and a willingness to change to become a leader who can live life on her terms.

You absolutely deserve to get there. And along the way, don’t forget to take off your superwoman cape and ask for help so you can bring people along for this incredible journey you’re starting! 

It’s like the legendary leader John Maxwell says, “Leadership doesn’t involve being ‘lonely at the top.’ If you’re at the top of a mountain alone, you’re not a leader, you’re a hiker.”

Dream big, but don’t stop with a dream. As quickly as possible, take a step toward that dream. Action creates clarity, and clarity will propel you to more action.

Don’t wait. I know you’ve got this.

Amy Porterfield teaches eight best-selling courses that empower women across the globe to take their futures into their own hands. She hosts the top-ranked marketing podcast Online Marketing Made Easy and author of the new book, Two Weeks Notice: Find the Courage to Quit Your Job, Make More Money, Work Where You Want, and Change the World.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Op-Ed: Go Ahead, Burn That Bridge – How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

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Laura Gassner OttingDuring a two decade career in executive search, it was my job to call the most successful people in the world and recruit them away on behalf of my clients. They were successful, which is why I was calling them. But despite all this success, they weren’t very happy, which is why they were calling me back. Over time, I became fascinated with the question, “Why doesn’t success equal happiness?”

One reason stood out: Most of us were handed a definition of success by someone else. In other words, when we were younger, someone – perhaps a parent, a teacher, a friend, even a celebrity – told us who we should be when we grew up, and we adopted it, either consciously or subconsciously, until it became our path.

For me, there was a fourth grade teacher who told me that I was argumentative and should become a lawyer. There was a grandmother who wanted me to marry a nice Jewish doctor. There was the boss who wanted me to maximize his profit margin. For each of these people, I jumped through hoops. And then one day, I woke up and asked myself, when all the boxes were so full, why did I still feel so empty?

Once I identified the problem, I was aghast: it was me. I was trying so hard to please everyone around me that I didn’t stop to ask myself if what I was doing was really pleasing me.

If this sounds all too familiar, you are not alone. According to a survey conducted by YouGov, “About half (49%) of Americans say they would self-identify as people-pleasers. Women (56%) are more likely than men (42%) to say they would describe themselves this way.” Psychology Today notes that people pleasing, at its roots, comes from insecurity (probably based in early childhood), a lack of confidence, and an aversion to conflict. When I wanted to get to the bottom of this, I had to look in the mirror, but I also had to look at who was surrounding me, and who I was so afraid would reject me.

“People won’t like the me I really want to be.”

I hear that a lot from individuals in my executive coaching practice who come to me when they’ve had just enough success to see a version of their increased potential that they never knew existed. I call this moment Wonderhell. It’s amazing and exciting and humbling to achieve something you didn’t think possible. But it also introduces uncertainty, doubt, impostor syndrome, and exhaustion. It’s wonder and it’s hell. It’s Wonderhell, and it’s the space in between who you were yesterday and who you just realized you can become tomorrow.

In this space, we have two choices. First, we can either continue to please the people from our yesterdays. Some of these people are incredibly helpful allies, supporters, and champions. Perhaps they love you and don’t want to see you get hurt. Perhaps they are jealous and, when they see your rise, can only reflect on their own stagnation. Perhaps they are scared and think, “You can’t do that. That’s too scary!” And what they really mean is “I can’t do that. I’m too scared.” But, what about the ones who aren’t so well meaning?

Herein lies the second choice. When we stop pleasing the people whose lack of imagination is holding back our ambitions, we can make room for the people who should populate our tomorrows. It’s not that those other people won’t like the new, real, bigger you. It’s that those people’s opinions no longer matter.

Burn That Bridge

It’s not just people in your intimate physical circle, either. The influences that compel you to please others come from social media, too.

Did you know that people with overweight friends are 57% more likely to become overweight themselves, even if those friends live on the other side of the country? Your emotional connection, not your physical proximity, is the key factor. Studies show that the behavior of your closest intimates—wherever they are—influences the way you behave.

So whether it is slacking on your diet or exercise plan, or deciding an unfulfilling career path, personal relationship or hobby, what they do becomes what you do. What they think becomes what you think. What they normalize becomes what you normalize. Which begs the question: are you pleasing people who make you better, or who make you worse?

Each time you want to run full speed into your next Wonderhell, you’ll find friction with those who aren’t going there with you. They won’t like the you that you want to become. But why let them define your success? Why should they get a vote about what or who you should be? When you grow—when your life gets bigger—you are inevitably going to outgrow the people who liked you when you were smaller.

It’s time to stop giving votes in your life to people who shouldn’t even have voices.

Laura Gassner Otting is the author of Wonderhell: Why Success Doesn’t Feel Like It Should… and What To Do About It, where she explores themes such as impostor syndrome, doubt, and burnout. She can be found everywhere @heyLGO and at LauraGassnerOtting.com.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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