Behaviors That Build Confidence

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Female BossGuest Contributed By Melissa Greenwell

I’ve spent decades watching both men and women climb the corporate ladder to build highly successful careers. I have watched and listened carefully to understand the actions that enabled these people to be called out from the crowd. They weren’t all good-looking or even charming. If there was one single common thread it was confidence. Successful leaders behave in ways that caused them to be noticed, heard, and remembered. Admittedly, slightly generalizing an entire gender, I’ve observed that men, more frequently than women, seem to garner the confidence of a crowd more quickly. I believe that is because they more frequently demonstrate confidence-building behaviors. And I believe women can get the same result by more frequently demonstrating some of those behaviors as well.

This is not to say that as a women, you should act like a man or that you should not be your authentic self. In fact, you’ve got to be your authentic self. You are unique. Your thoughts are unique. The trick is delivering your uniqueness effectively. If you practice a few basic rules, you will deliver.

Speak First.

Yes, first, not last. It doesn’t matter if your idea is not fully baked, with all of the possible pitfalls identified. If you wait until everyone else’s ideas are heard, while you refine yours or, worse, come up with a reason why yours is not a good idea, one of two things will happen: You will never be heard, because you’ll never get the chance to speak, and the conversation will move on. You will never be heard because someone else said it first.

If you have trouble getting the attention of the room when you need it, there are a few techniques you can try. It starts with body language. Be confident. Don’t slump in your seat. Sometimes you need to interrupt. Some of you may think of it as rude. Call it what you will. If people talk over you and around you while you’re trying to get a word in, you have to be a little bold. Lean forward on the table, stand up, move to the front of the room. Speak concisely and with energy. Use humor. It helps people remember what you said. Don’t pause. If you pause too often or for too long, someone else will take the opening and run you off track.

Let’s talk about strategic use of profanity. I believe that there are moments—and they should be rare—when the occasional use of profanity can get the attention of your audience in a good way. Use at your discretion and only when the culture allows it. I am talking “hell” as in “what the hell” and words of that nature.

Stop Apologizing.

Stop qualifying your statements. Every time you preface your thought with an apology or a qualifier, you take power away from yourself and give it to the men in the room (because there are likely more men in the room). Stop it! You don’t really believe it when you say you’re not sure if it’s a good idea, right? You’re just being polite, because somehow you think the message will be better received if you apologize for it first. Let’s think about that for a minute. When was the last time that anyone trying to persuade you to buy anything apologized for their product? “I’m sorry, this car is a piece of shit, but I think you should buy it. Our consulting services might not be the best in class, but we will get the job done good enough.” Really?

Make Time for Face-to-Face Communication.
In this ever-connected, 24-7 world, it is easy to do all of your communicating electronically. And why not? Women (again totally generalizing) are such pros at multitasking, so why shouldn’t we carry on a couple of conversations at once?

For women who love to multitask—and many of us do—we often miss opportunities to demonstrate our thought leadership and therefore miss opportunities to be seen as a leader, by trying to do too much at once. Face-to-face communication is not always convenient, but it’s nearly always well worth it. Successful people understand this. They know it’s important to build relationships with those who are important to them, because relationships are the most critical element in influencing others. Women have to be effective at influencing both genders. Our communication style and method has everything to do with that.

About the author

MELISSA GREENWELL is the author of MONEY ON THE TABLE: How to Increase Profits Through Gender-Balanced Leadership (Greenleaf Book Group, January 2017). She is Executive Vice President and Chief Operating Officer of national retailer The Finish Line, Inc. You can learn more at www.melissa-greenwell.com

Disclaimer: The views and opinions of Guest Contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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The Juggle: 3 Tips to Get Stuff Off Your Plate

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 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Pyschologist

juggle

Image via Shutterstock

Unless you are a fully fledged workaholic ( I used to be one and I know many), you may want to work a little less and do a little more of just about everything else. With the exception of chores which are few people’s idea of fun.

So, how it is possible to live and love in an urban place, give it your all and maybe just maybe have time for other areas of your life, be it having children or not having children. I say that with caution as people get derailed quickly and fall into 2 camps when it isn’t about that division it is about the unification of the truth that we all do work more than ever.

Here are my three tips to get you closer to nirvana.

TIP 1: What tasks at work are non crucial and can be delegated, dumped or reframed to matter more strategically and therefore become worth doing?

TIP 2: How can you break cultural norms in a ‘face time” environment to show that results orientated work and productivity are winners?

TIP 3: At home, what life hacks can you apply to boring admin and chores to outsource or reduce them? Get a system or actual people involved to help you free up your time to live the dream. If you feel your other half needs to do more, tell me what they need to do and when as maybe they just do not know?

Most importantly, it is worth your while to step out of the weeds and look at the big picture – what do you want personally and professionally to happen in the next 24 -36 months?

Best of Luck

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The Importance of Knowing What You Want

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Guest contributed by Tracey Carr, Executive Coach and CEO of Mi Purpose


I don’t know about you but my life is mad, crazy, busy running a complex business and being the best single Mum that I can be while also taking care of my health, having fun and taking control of my financial destiny.None of us have time for wasting our lives on distractions and yet it is so easy to be distracted in this world of information overload and being constantly available through our devices.

It takes discipline to focus on important activity that takes you toward your goals instead of being distracted by everybody else’s demands.

Our research shows that less than 1 person in every 100 people knows what they want, and guess what, most people get just that – a destination they didn’t want or choose!

How do I choose my own destiny?

The simple answer: scheduling!

Or rather, the process of scheduling, which I like to call “Dump, Chunk and Do”; it’s a fairly simple 3 step process that requires about 10 to 20 minutes a day. Allow me to explain:

Step 1: Dump

As the saying goes, the one thing constant in life is change. Because of change, our priorities change; things that were once important and/or urgent get moved to the back-burner and other “nice to have” tasks suddenly pop into the forefront of our attention. Because of this, we need a system to make sure that we can keep track of all the tasks in our heads without losing them.
This is where Dumping comes into play. Having a capture list is like a traditional “to do” list, but it allows you to clear the mental space and focus those tasks and aha’s into an inventory. Having such an inventory of tasks can and will grow over time and can seem like a lot to manage. Luckily, there’s Step 2 that avoids the problem of long static task lists or desks covered in post-it-notes.

Step 2: Chunk

Chunking is the means by which we organize our task inventory. I prefer to place tasks into logical grouping or categories that way i find that can I focus on the various aspects of my personal and professional life in one place without the stress of having to remember where ‘that’ list or reminder is.

Step 3: Do

Once Chunked, identify those important/urgent tasks that need to get done immediately.

For each of your categories, prioritise your top 5 – 10 items/tasks and then schedule those tasks on the day that you want to do them. Chunk the colours together into groups so that you can focus on one category at a time rather than randomly flitting from one task to another. (you can do this on paper, through Microsoft Outlook, Google Calendar or my personal favorite is the one I developed myself : Mi Purpose

Why group colours together in my calendar system?

You will be more effective if you practice scheduling your energy as suggested. It takes a different kind of energy to work on finance than it does working on long term visions and goals. This also allows you to be flexible and save time and as you have now already categorised your tasks it should be easy.

For instance, imagine that you are planning a party or sporting event and you have Chunked some ideas into one of your categories and scheduled those “Do” tasks for next Wednesday in your calendar. As you think of other ideas for the event, you can simply refer to your calendar of Do tasks (use the colour coding wherever possible) and drop or add new tasks as needed.

This will give you peace of mind that you are in control, remaining spontaneous and safe in the knowledge that you will complete everything at the most efficient time by scheduling and controlling your own life.
The trick is align to your vision and goals to prioritise your work flow against the pressure of too many demands and that way you decide what matters most in your life!

In conjunction with Tracey Carr and Best Year Ever, The Glass Hammer readers are being invited to take advantage of this unique opportunity with a special one-time offer to get Mi Purpose FREE FOR LIFE for one small pledge during this 30-day campaign on Indiegogo

Tracey Carr is the Founder & CEO of Mi Purpose SAAS, Executive Coach, International Speaker and Mom to 3 girls

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Checking Your Own Biases Around Gender In Your Career

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 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Image via Shutterstock

 

Are you a sexist woman? You might be wondering where I am going with this but in ten long hard years of working on gender equality, the one thing that has amazed me most is the level of sexism against women perpetrated by women. How do you know if you are harboring biases against women? If you are, you are probably unaware if you do have biases and maybe on a very unconscious level you believe in deeply engrained gender roles without ever looking at this.

This of course will seem odd to you as a working professional women who may even espouse that you are all about seeing women advance. Are you brave enough to look at your deepest held beliefs? It is a journey, and scary at times but one that can help you understand which paradigms are really aligned with your values and which have been handed to you and upon inspection do not take you to where you want to go or who you want to be.

It is a spectrum to fall on, this sexist thing. No one is exempt from having some bias for and against everything from who you work with to seemingly unimportant things such as whether you prefer watching sports played by women or men and then which is the better version according to you. The constructs behind the “why” is really the piece that can be examined, and if the “why” lines up for you, then great, but more than half of the time, as a coach and a psychologist, I find that not to be the case.

Do you believe that men are more leaderlike than women? In a 50 year long, regularly updated case study called “Think Manager, think Male” on which groups of men or women (by the way imaginary group not actual people) are believed to be more leaderlike rated by their assigned traits. Even when young women answer the survey, they vote straight white men as more competent and productive than themselves. So, you tell me where does that leave the “the lean in”, you go girl mantra? Mind blowing isn’t it? Not to me, I can totally see that the lack of progress being made is in part due to the mental models the patriarchy has given most of us. The mind blowing part to me is that if once people examine it and see no value in keeping it that they keep it anyway out of inertia or fear of change.

The other area to see where you are or others is to talk about children. If you hear yourself or others applying different standards of behavior to your girl children and boy children, then you can be sure that you are taking that into work with you too and as a bonus setting them up for carrying on that belief too.

No judgment from me, my job is not to agree to disagree or feel aligned with your values. My job is to ask you the question – now that you have looked deeper into how do you feel about ensuring women and men are treated with the same benchmark when it comes to leading, working and being promoted fairly after reading this post?

What is your role in creating the world you espouse to believe in at work and at home?

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Women in Tech: Climbing the Ladder

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Woman-on-a-ladder-searchingGuest Contributed by Evan Fraser

Working in the tech industry can be incredibly exciting. It is a fast-paced industry with seemingly unlimited potential. Technology also has one of the smallest income gender gaps, high work schedule flexibility and generous pay in many positions. While that draws many women down this career path it is still a male dominated industry which makes climbing the corporate ladder a challenging task. These 6 tips will help you navigate your way to the top.

1. Be Assertive.

The best way to learn in the tech field is to jump in and build things. As a woman you will often have to fight for that right. Moving up the ranks will not come naturally, you need to be assertive and make your own place within the company. Being a dominant and assertive woman in technology can be a struggle as it is often interpreted as bossy or aggressive by male colleagues. Don’t let that deter you from taking the lead. Sheryl Sandberg has had incredible success in her life and has dealt with this issue throughout her career. She addressed this issue in a interview by saying “Every woman I know, particularly the senior ones, has been called too aggressive at work. We know in gender blind studies that men are more aggressive in their offices than women. We know that. Yet we’re busy telling all the women that they’re too aggressive. That’s the issue.”

2. Don’t be intimidated.

There will always be people that know more than you. This is a good thing as it will help you learn and grow. Don’t be intimidated by those with more experience or lots of technical know-how. It’s very easy to feel out of place in a boardroom, especially within a big technology company. Never be afraid to ask questions if you have problems understanding, you will not be the only one in the room.

3. Choose your employers well.

Lots of companies in Silicone Valley are progressive and forward thinking. Many aim to create environments that encourage creativity and efficiency but there are still major differences in how these companies are run. Be sure to do your research on the companies you apply to. Your environment will be a big factor to your personal success so look for progressive and diverse leadership teams with a product that you are passionate about. This will allow your career to flourish and grow.

4. Don’t create your own glass ceiling.

The term ‘glass ceiling’ is often used in regards to outside factors creating boundaries for women in business. This is a difficult issue women have had to deal with for generations. Therefore, it is important to avoid constructing any additional, self-restricting boundaries. Sometimes the boundaries we create for ourselves are easily overlooked and often more harmful than external factors. Believe in your talents and skills. Avoid creating your own boundaries by limited thinking and be sure to set smart goals. Do not consider yourself ineligible for any role within a company, think big and make your strengths work for you.

5. Learn to negotiate.

Negotiating is a part of business. Women and men in management positions expect it when dealing with employees, clients or partners. You need to go in ready to negotiate and prepared to articulate what you want. Avoiding a negotiation will leave you with less than you deserve. Be assertive, but also listen to understand. Being able to listen to the wants and ideas of the person you are negotiating with will make them more willing to meet your needs. Be concise and reasonable in your negotiation but do not be afraid to ask.

Also, keep in mind that negotiation is a skill that needs to be learned. It will help you in many aspects of your life so make the effort to learn about the subject as much as you can. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher is a great read on the skill of negotiating.

6. Find a mentor.

This piece of advice will apply to you whether you are 20 years old starting out your career or 55 and looking to retire. Mentorship is something anybody can benefit from. People that have gone down a path you wish to follow can give you valuable advice and help nudge you in the right direction when you reach a crossroads. Finding an experienced woman in technology would be ideal as they will be able to share tips on how to deal with the struggles women face in the industry. Once you have gained experience, help out younger women by sharing your knowledge. Being a mentor can teach you as much as having a mentor.

Find a mentor in your area.

women in tech infographic

Evan Fraser is a writer and advertising expert with over 10 years of experience in Marketing. He is passionate about tech and loves traveling the world to taste international foods. When he is not writing you can catch him playing sports or listening to some 50’s Blues.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions of Guest Contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer

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Responsibility – Tick, But Resource Control is Zero

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Slowing downBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

A bad work day can consist of a scenario when you do not manage the team but are on the hook for delivery of the product. Sound familiar? Literally, this happens everyday to many people and it is a problem that creates issues and looks like a lack of skill and efficiency because team A promised the client something but they had no control over team B actually building the product.

Would you take the responsibility of protecting the free world, if you were not allowed the nuclear codes? Most of you will say no to this yet I see so many people taking on outrageous projects and knowingly being on the hook for things that they literally have zero control over the delivery of. How can you avoid this seemingly inevitable situation?

A good case in point is diversity work.

I see a lot of great women heading up women’s networks and being tasked with creating a bigger pipeline of women in the firm. Unless you have serious formal hiring capabilities as your new day job or the ability and full power to rework all the talent processes in the firm plus all the time in the world and renumeration to do it, then why would you say yes to this? From a transformative outcome frame, you should say no since this has no resource or execution control attached to it.

Unless, the goal is advocacy in which case that is fair enough as advocacy is important but rarely formally transformative. Advocacy is what men do every single day for each other so getting them to do it for you is a strong step in the right direction as is getting women to stop burying each other to protect the patriarchy (which runs deep as we know in recent times).

Also, really good development that understands the nuances of being different to the blueprint is never wasted- train and educate as you go in these networks if formally this is not an option (arguably it should de organized and paid for elsewhere but it is often not the case). A network can be a good container to supply unique content to certain audiences who potentially face shared challenges that are systemic in nature.

Remember, only you know what you want to spend time and energy on and how to create goals that are reachable. It is worth thinking about activity versus productivity and outcomes since you all have lives and goals inside and outside of work. Reduce stress by aligning your responsibility and authority on tasks that become the sum of your job!

If you are interested in hiring an Executive Coach to help you navigate your career then email Nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com for further informatiom

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Raising Aspirations: When I Grow Up I Want To Be

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mother-being-a-role-model-to-daughter-featuredBy Nneka Orji

What do you want to be when you grow up? For some of us, this is a question to which we haven’t yet arrived at an answer. However as children, many of us had a view albeit evolving as we progressed through teenage years and then young adulthood; an engineer, a ballet dancer, a pop star, an astronaut, or perhaps the most popular childhood dream jobs in the UK – a doctor or nurse (according to a YouGov survey, 1 in 10 adults in the UK aspired to be a doctor or nurse in their childhoods, followed closely by a footballer and teacher). The sky is the limit…but is this really the case for everyone? Or do gender and societal expectations start limiting aspirations in childhood? The short answer – despite a notable shift in behaviours – is yes.

The London School of Economics and University of Madrid published research into how parental behaviours influence children’s perception of gender as they go through preference formation. The study found that children’s motivation and self-esteem, and thereby their job preferences and ambitions, are greatly influenced by parental “sex-typical behaviours” and their socioeconomic resources. Those children who deem only certain jobs appropriate because of their gender are more likely to go into sex-typical careers, however girls with high levels of motivation and both boys and girls with high self-esteem were both more likely to go against societal norms and choose sex-atypical jobs. It doesn’t stop there; girls who aspired and therefore joined stereotypically female jobs were more likely to earn less because of the lower wages which persist across female-dominated roles.

These findings have implications on our approach to addressing gender parity and those who continue to push for parity in the workplace have much to consider. Is there merit in shifting more focus and investment to the “preference formation” stage when prospective employees are in the process of developing their preferences and aspirations, rather than later when aspirations are almost fully formed?

Some businesses are already actively engaging with the younger generation through initiatives with schools – addressing gender equality as well as social mobility. Organisations such as Inspiring the Future and Teach First are connecting professionals with schools and teachers to facilitate this dialogue around aspirations, and providing a platform for children to engage with role models – a critical factor in shaping aspirations. MIT economist Esther Duflo whose research found that role models had a direct impact on ambitions, described the role model effect in an interview: “Seeing women in charge persuaded parents and teens that women can run things, and increased their ambitions. Changing perceptions and giving hope can have an impact on reality.”

Introducing role models into the lives of young children doesn’t just come through family and professionals connected formally. We don’t always have direct access to role models who can inspire and encourage us along the journey, however entrepreneurs Francesca Cavallo and Elena Favilli believe that storytelling can be an effective tool. Rather than being surrounded by the traditional tales of trapped princesses and saving knights, parents and teachers should be sharing real stories such as those in their book “Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls”, detailing the lives of past and present female role models – including Malala Yousafai and Serena Williams. Both girls and boys are able to see beyond the traditional sex-typical roles, and can reflect the stories and lessons from the successful women in their thinking as they develop their career aspirations and later into the workplace.

The power of storytelling in influencing and inspiring others has been widely discussed, but where possible, we must continue to provide platforms to give girls and women direct access to role models. A paper published by the Chartered Management Institute (CMI) in 2014 pointed to the need for a “role model revolution”. Women continue to look for role models who inspires other, stands up for their beliefs, build confidence in others, make a difference to society, and demonstrate that they are able to overcome challenges. Acknowledging that no one person can provide all of this, 86% of the survey respondents were looking to develop relationships with more than one individual.

Yet only 55% of those surveyed by CMI said there are enough role models across their organisations and industries – even though 81% saw the benefits of role models in raising aspirations. CMI also asked survey participants to name their most inspirational role models; of the top 10 listed, only 2 were women and have now passed away (Margaret Thatcher and Mother Teresa).

We all know female role models exist and many of them continue to engage successfully with both women and men in the workplace and before. However we all have more to do:

  • Talk about your successful female colleagues and friends so others know they exist and the great work they do
  • Share these success stories with children and young adults by engaging with schools and local communities – waiting until they are 16 isn’t benefiting anyone
  • Lead by example and put yourself forward as a role model – you too can inspire

This isn’t an action list just for women; men also have a role to play – both in the workplace and at home. Assistant Professor Alyssa Croft’s research found that those fathers who not only talked about gender equality but also demonstrated it in sharing household responsibilities were more likely to have daughters who aspired to more sex-neutral or male-dominated jobs.

If we truly want to remove the need for the multiple gender-focused diversity networks and reports, and see the end of headlines such as “without action gender pay gap won’t close until 2069”, we must each take responsibility for positively influencing how the next generation develop their aspirations so that the sky really is the limit.

In the words of Albert Einstein, “setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means.” It’s not just about talking the talk, but also walking the walk.

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Want to Win in the Fight For Female Talent? Urgent Change Needed!

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Contributed by Aoife Flood. Based in Dublin, Ireland, Aoife is Senior Manager of the Global Diversity and Inclusion Programme at PricewaterhouseCoopers International Limitedaoife flood featured

Around the world, the workplace gender gap is an area in need of immediate and serious attention and at PwC we believe that we must, and can, drive change more quickly.

The good news is we’re seeing a tidal wave of organisations across the world inject greater urgency into their efforts to tackle gender imbalances, in fact 87% of CEOs globally told us they are actively focused on talent diversity and inclusion. The bad news is we are still decades away from achieving gender parity in the corporate world, and in most countries in the world women still remain underrepresented at every level in the corporate pipeline.

One lever that organisations across the world can leverage to incite more rapid change is their attraction and selection efforts. To create energy and debate in this area I had the privilege of leading a ground-breaking global research study focused on gender inclusive recruitment. And I’m very excited to share that we released the results of this research in PwC’s Winning the fight for female talent report in honour of International Women’s Day.

Female hires in hot demand

The report makes one thing clear, explicit hiring targets have emerged as a core driver of change, in fact 78% of large organisations told us they are actively seeking to hire more women – especially into more experienced and senior level positions. As organisations fight to attract female talent – particularly at levels and in sectors where they’re currently underrepresented – we’re now seeing competition for female talent escalate to a whole new level.

Yet, 30% of women globally said they feel employers are too biased in favour of men when it comes to attracting talent, compared with 13% of men. This is a number that has been on the rise when we consider specifically women from the millennial generation; 16% of female millennials felt this way in 2011, 25% in 2015 and 28% feel this way today.

There is also a clear mismatch between the views of women and employers regarding the barriers limiting greater levels of female recruitment. Of the top five barriers employers identify, four explicitly point to external factors, such as the lack of a sufficient candidate pool (37%) and our industry sector not being viewed as attractive by women (24%). While of the top five barriers identified by women, four explicitly point to internal systemic challenges within employer attraction and selection activities and processes. For example, the impact of gender stereotypes in the recruitment process (45%) and concerns over cost and impact of maternity leave (42%).

Focus on gender inclusive recruitment is critical

Simply focusing on hiring more women, will not be sufficient. Yes, organisations will need to get really good at knowing where to find and how to attract female talent, but that’s not all. They also need to look inside, and transform the objectivity of their own recruitment and selection process and activities if they are to succeed in fostering fair and equal recruitment. And female talent today have their finger firmly on the diversity pulse, 56% of women – rising to 63% for women who are starting out on their careers – said they look to see if an organisation has made progress on diversity when deciding whether or not to work for them. Furthermore, when deciding to accept their most recent position, 61% of women looked at the diversity of the employers leadership team and 67% explored if the employer had positive role models they felt where similar to themselves.

Opportunities for career progression – yes please

Opportunities for career progression, competitive pay, and a culture of flexibility and work-life balance come out as the three most attractive employer traits for men and women overall. Women starting their careers, and female millennials (born 1980-1995) rank opportunities for career progression as their most attractive employer trait. While women with career experience who have recently changed jobs say a lack of opportunities for career progression is the top reason they left their former employer.

Traditional stereotypes associated with gender or life stage, for example, the over association of career ambition with men, and flexibility and work-life balance demands with women, specifically mothers, are well and truly out of date. To be a magnet to the modern talent pool, organisations must equip themselves to offer opportunities for career progression, a culture of flexibility, and competitive pay as workforce-wide realities for all their talent. And to attract the best and brightest male and female talent, they must also make these an integral part of their talent brands and talent systems.

In today’s highly competitive job market, it is incumbent on every organisation to revisit its policies and processes to make sure they are meeting the needs of the modern workforce, in particular the woman of today who is truly a trailblazer. Women today are looking for much more from their careers than previous generations – and organisations need to keep up if they are to secure the talent they need to grow their business.

We invite you to find out more by visiting www.pwc.com/femaletalent.

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Career Fantasy – A Future Job or a Serious Distraction to Your Success Right Now?

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woman thinking - pipelineBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Pyschologist

Most people have a career fantasy. What do I mean? Well, think about it right now; do you want to start a business that involves a cozy bed and breakfast in your favorite holiday spot? Or a cupcake business or a dog groomers? You get the picture and feel free to insert your own fantasy here as most of us have them.

You are not on your own as many folks day dream their way through their current job with a future fantasy of how the future might be.

It is real? Is it a fantasy? Does it matter? I think it matters for two reasons.

Firstly, if it is real, then what is stopping you from doing it on the sooner side? When pushed, my clients often realize that they have gotten no further than the headline and a surefire way to test your own assumptions is to start researching the feasibility and competition of the future industry you are considering entering. if you get this far, then maybe it is not a fantasy, maybe you are on the way to being an entrepreneur? Next step then is to perhaps apply SMART goals? Deep dive into real possibilities as it might be the ride of your life.

However, if you really do not want to own a B&B to the north, south, east or west of where you are now, you might find that out by truly not wanting to do any research or upon investigation find it not to be a viable job. If that is the case, then what role does it serve in terms of your mental involvement at work- is it keeping you engaged at work or distracted and disengaged?

Arguably, having a little dream can be a lovely way to keep you working so that you can save up for it, at least in your mind’s eye and this is a motivator (retirement is a different thing to being a business owner unless you can afford a working hobby).

But, what you do not want to do is to mistake this future perfect state as a “grass is greener” option instead of actually understanding why you do not like your job today. Examine with a coach what is really going on to see how to work out how to stay successfully or leave successfully but not to live in a dream your life away state so that you cannot engage in the present. Talk to a professional coach about real options for your future career and take a vacation to recharge if you feel like a rut is forming so that you can enjoy the present.

If you are interested in hiring an Executive Coach then email nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com for a no obligation chat

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Idolize Your Boss? Not So Fast.

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team-meeting-in-office-5lNobody likes to work for somebody who doesn’t respect their employees, make fair decisions, or is more concerned with their own professional advancement than the good the whole team. It’s easy to spot a bad boss, but what does a good boss look like? You might picture her being open to your ideas, easy to talk to, supportive of your professional development and excited about your work. These are nice ideas, but sometimes what seems like a good boss at first can quickly sour when you find out that great performance review was rooted in their own desire to be liked. And sometimes, that tough to please boss who never lets you get a word in has the potential to teach you lesson that will grow your career by leaps and bounds.

How can you learn to manage a relationship with your boss, whether they are good or bad? And, when things do go bad, how can you steer the relationship back to healthy?

When Love Hurts

Annie McKee is a senior fellow at the University of Pennsylvania, director of the PennCLO Executive Doctoral Program and the author of Resonant Leadership. In her work with leaders, she often sees the downside of having a boss who grows their leadership style from the root of having a congenial relationship with their employees. Mckee lists three primary issues that can arise from idolizing or loving your boss.

First, strong emotions tend to cloud our judgment, making it more likely that we will be passive when we should be assertive. Probably, having good judgment is one of the reasons you were hired in the first place—you don’t want to leave it at the door when you go into work each day.

Second, a relationship that is based in ‘liking’ one another can often lead to favoritism. This is never a good scenario; as soon as there is a problem, your boss is likely to distance themselves from you, as their likeability is their top concern. You will soon be replaced by the next easy target.

Finally, blind dedication to a leader can actually be truly dangerous as it leaves you vulnerable to making decisions which can compromise your values.

The bright side of a bad boss

While recent research shows that a boss who is truly abusive—somebody who uses public humiliation and personal attacks to impose fear and blind cooperation—is absolutely bad for your health and will most likely have a negative impact on your family life, it is possible to manage the relationship in a way that will benefit you, your team and the your company.

There is a lot of research supporting the negative impacts—on every aspect of business from the employee’s personal health to the company’s bottom line—of bad bosses, but there is not so much research on the positive impacts. Even so, there are many people whom have found that they have learned as much from challenging bosses as they have from those whom were easier to work with. If you are able to take a step back, you will learn what not to do, become more resilient, and self-reliant. These are stellar qualities that can help you become ready for your next leadership position.

A difficult relationship with your boss could be rooted in a number of different conflict types. They could be plainly harsh in their criticisms, irrational in their decision-making process or you could simply have a personality conflict. Either way, how can you find your way through it to the next phase of your career without damaging your personal brand, or your job performance?

Moving onward and upward

According to the American Psychological Association, the best way to manage a difficult boss begins with understanding the reasons your boss’ chooses to behave the way she does. If it seems that the behavior stems from stress due to work overload, it is likely to change in response to changes in the amount of workload or other factors. But if your boss’ behavior seems to follow a consistently hostile or abusive patter of interacting with co-workers and employees, it is less likely that the behavior will change. In this case, the APA recommends seeking the counsel of a trusted mentor.

Once you have determined the reason for your boss’s behavior, you will want to manage your own negative emotions. You do not want to engage in self-defeating behaviors such as counter-attacking your boss or stonewalling them. Remember your purpose at work, do your job, and remain professional.

Third, communicate your feelings with your boss or another trusted supervisor. It is important to frame your concerns in a positive manner. Perhaps this will bring a change, but some experts say this is unlikely. The administration of the company has already expressed their opinion by promoting the difficult boss in question.

In the meantime, the APA advises to try and separate your personal ego from your business persona. When your supervisor is critical, be rational in your response. Is there something for you to learn from the criticism? If so, use it as an opportunity to work with your boss on a play to address the problem. But if you don’t think it is reasonable or valid criticism, then take solace in that. Their lack of judgment does not have to take over your entire sense of self.

By Rebecca S. Caum

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