Op-Ed: Back to School Strategies for Working Parents As School Resumes

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Daisy DowlingBeyond the kids’ health and safety, nothing is as important to you as their education.  Here’s what to know and do as they head back to school this (unusual) fall.

But if you’re busy adapting to the pandemic “next normal” – and simultaneously concerned that your five-year-old will have a difficult time adjusting to the school routine, that your eight-year-old will need help with her science homework, and that those standardized tests are looming, too, it puts you in a real bind.

With some special working parent tactics and approaches, however, you’ll be better able to handle all of those details and logistics while focusing on the piece that really matters: your child’s overall academic development and long-term success in school. Where to start in terms of handling the current working-parent “school challenge”? By taking charge in three educational areas that can be the most challenging for you as a working mom or dad.

Homework

Homework can all too often morph into an overwhelming, time-consuming exercise that ends past bedtime, in power struggles and tears. What should be a simple algebra worksheet can leave you feeling torn: of course you want your child to succeed academically, practice resilience, and feel comfortable tackling new challenges—but when you’ve got so little time to spend together each evening, the last thing you want to do is spend it carping at your child to finish her assignment, or checking it for errors. So:

  • Figure out an organizational system that works. Review your calendars together at the start of the week so that you and your child both know what’s coming as far as homework, quizzes, and tests; set up special baskets to hold uncompleted assignments and library books to be returned; and have your child lead “backpack check” each evening. Make it age-appropriate, but do find your system.
  • Emphasize that homework is your child’s, rather than a family, responsibility. Even if you plan to review your son’s Spanish conjugations, let him know that you’re there to help when he’s truly stuck, not to remind, nag, proofread, or otherwise serve as unpaid labor. As he grows, help him think ahead about bigger projects. As the science fair approaches, for example, ask “what’s your plan?” for making the papier-mâché volcano rather than leading the project yourself.
  • Hold a family study hall each evening. The kids do their homework, while you catch up on office emails or reading. Pick a reasonable length of time—ten minutes for a young child, ninety for a teenager, for example—and set a timer on your phone to go off when time’s up. When it does, the whole family gets to enjoy downtime or a relaxing activity like watching a favorite TV program together.
After-school activities—and ways to think about them

After-school activities can supplement your child’s education in wonderful ways, help you “stretch” care arrangements, and bring an element of fun into the relentless homework-and-testing cycle of modern education.

Taken too far, however, after-school activities can put terrible pressure on any working-parent family. Here’s how to keep perspective, ensure that extracurricular activities remain a positive, and make the choices that are right for you.

  • Avoid using activities to plug an emotional hole. It can be easy, if you feel guilty about working long hours, to “compensate” by stretching to pay for expensive ballet lessons or by spending all weekend, every weekend, focused on your child’s chess tournaments. And you may try to convince yourself that success on the stage or playing field now will make your child’s later life much easier. But overpaying, overscheduling, and overextending will only make working parenthood harder, and very likely reduce the benefits those same activities are supposed to bring.
  • Stay neutral and balanced. For each potential extracurricular activity, carefully consider its pluses and minuses. If it helps your child academically or socially and doesn’t require huge expense or time investment, great. If it makes scheduling and logistics easier, even better. But beware activities that leave you feeling like you’ve got yet another job to do.
  • Go slow. For driven professionals, it can be tempting to cram in as many extracurricular activities as possible, and do each one to the max. But your child doesn’t have an adult’s focus, energy, or drive, and her livelihood doesn’t depend on her performance on this field just yet. Set reasonable limits—e.g., one after-school activity per week or one sport per season—and let your kid say no if she wants to. Remind yourself that you can always sign up next semester, or as she grows and her interests change.
Volunteering—and how to do it efficiently

It’s unlikely you can make it to every school performance, library fundraiser, and field trip, even if you wanted to. So here’s what you can do instead. In the first week of school, tell your child’s teachers and/or the school’s volunteer coordinators that you’re eager to put in your fair share of sweat equity—but that you will be doing it all in one go. You’ll schedule a personal or vacation day well in advance and use it entirely for school volunteerism.

Maybe you’ll be the “reading helper” in your daughter’s class in the morning, walk the school’s neighborhood safety patrol in the afternoon, and take the minutes during the school fundraising-committee meeting at 5:00 p.m. When the day is over, you’ll enjoy knowing that your yearly contribution has been made in full—and efficiently. That “I’m not doing enough” guilt will go away, and you’ll be able to focus back on family and career.

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Copyright line: Reprinted by permission of Harvard Business Review Press. Adapted from Workparent: The Complete Guide to Succeeding on the Job, Staying True to Yourself, and Raising Happy Kids by Daisy Dowling. Copyright 2021 Daisy Dowling. All rights reserved.

Daisy Dowling is the author of Workparent: The Complete Guide to Succeeding on the Job, Staying True to Yourself, and Raising Happy Kids (HBR Press, 2021). She is the founder and CEO of Workparent, an executive coaching, and training firm dedicated to helping working parents lead more successful and satisfying lives. She is a full-time working parent to two young children.

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14 Career Insights and Tips From Women Leaders in Asia (Part 2)

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women leaders in asiaDuring our Spotlight on Asia this month, The Glass Hammer has curated the best of career insights and tips from inspiring female executives and women leaders in Asia.

In the first part of this series, we shared seven top tips. This week, we continue with seven more experience-based insights from Asian female executives.

1. Get out of your own way.

“The barriers to success for women in our profession are sometimes ourselves,” said Quek Bin Hwee, previously as the Vice-Chairman of PwC Singapore and the Markets Leader of PwC Asia. “We sometimes believe we cannot reach the pinnacle of our career. This is not always true. It is possible for those who desire it. These women tend to embrace change and always keep an open mind.”

Update: After 25 years of global and regional positions with PwC Singapore until 2017, Quek Bin Hwee sits as director across several boards and member on others.

2. Define your own possibilities for yourself.

“You need to determine your own path and carve out your own unique identity,” advised Paloma Wang, previously as a Partner, Capital Markets Group at Shearman & Sterling in Hong Kong, when reflecting on her trajectory. “Don’t let anyone else dictate who you are as a professional or as a person.”

Having ascended to partnership by 37 years old, Wang shared, “By establishing your own priorities and doing the things that truly make you happy, you will drive your career path in the right direction. Don’t make concessions because you are junior or because you are a woman. Plant your feet firmly and set your sights on achieving everything you want.”

Update: Paloma Wang is presently a Partner at Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom LLP and Affiliates.

3. Take the risk of influencing outcomes.

“Earlier in my career, I was more reserved about expressing my views,” said Stephanie Hui, as Head of the Merchant Banking Division in Asia Pacific Ex-Japan at Goldman Sachs, who grew up as a Chinese woman in a conservative family in Hong Kong.

“But over time, I realized we are in the business of taking calculated risks and just keeping my head down to produce top quality work while hoping others would notice would not make me a leader,” Hui noted. “Instead, I would have to effectively and respectfully influence outcome. I learned that being vocal in the right context is important.”

Update: Stephanie Hui is an MD responsible for the private equity investing business of Goldman Sachs in Asia and has been with the firm for 26 years.

4. Do not contort yourself to conform.

“When I was first starting to practice law, I tried to mimic my male colleagues by dressing how they dressed and talking like them,” said Jun Wei, Managing Partner at Hogan Lovells in Beijing. “One day, a client of mine who was a very successful business woman told me that no matter how much I tried to act like a man, I would always be a woman. She urged me to be proud of my identity.”

Wei emphasized the importance of junior women lawyers to be themselves and resist conforming to male-dominated work environments just to fit in.

Update: Jun Wei remains a Managing Partner at Hogan Lovells, now over 19 years with the firm across mergers.

5. Manage your boss.

“It is important to know how to manage your boss,” said Siew Choo Ng, Senior Vice President, Head of Global Network Partnerships in Asia at American Express. “He or she is the one who can be your sponsor and help you with your career. Often times you are competing for their time and sponsorship with your other team members, so it helps to distinguish yourself from the pack.”

If she could have learned anything sooner to help her navigate, Ng said that would be the golden piece of advice.

Update: Siew Choo Ng still holds this position on her LinkedIn Profile.

6. Leap before you have all the answers.

“I think women have the tendency to be a bit conservative at work. What I mean is that we like to gather all of the information we can before providing an answer, for example. While that is important, I think women need to try to be a little more daring, take more risks and be confident,” said Wei Hopeman, previously as Managing Director and Head of Asia for Citi Ventures in Shanghai. “You have to start down a new path long before you have all of the answers because by the time you get all the answers, the original opportunity will be gone. This is something I have learned from my own career.”

“If you never take on new challenges and new experiences, then you are never really allowing yourself to learn and grow,” said Hopeman. “You learn every day. No matter how senior or junior you are, part of making yourself better is learning from your mistakes and your successes.”

Update: Wei Hopeman has been the Co-founder and Managing Partner of Arbor Ventures for the past seven years and sits on several boards.

7. Seek to align with your purpose.

“To begin finding out what your purpose in life is, imagine looking back forty years from now and asking yourself what would make you proud, or if you would be able to admit to having lived a full and meaningful life,” suggested Nora Wu, formerly the PwC Global Vice Chairwoman and PwC Global Human Capital Leader out of China. “The answers will give you a good indication of what you want, or should, aim for in life.”

Wu then advised to not hold back: “You never know where one opportunity or interaction will lead you and you only can find out if you give it your best shot. You should never be afraid to work hard or put in the long hours. Work-life balance is indeed possible, especially if you do not separate your work and your life. By aligning your purpose, personality, and aspirations, it will be easier to create a balance.”

Update: Nora Wu is now an independent board member at JD Logistics and sits on a few boards.

We hope you enjoyed this two-part retrospective! Click here to see part one.

By: Aimee Hansen

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14 Career Insights and Tips From Women Leaders in Asia (Part 1)

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women leaders in AsiaEvery August for the last ten years, The Glass Hammer has featured career insights and tips from women leaders and executives in Asia.

In this retrospective feature, we’ve mined the best experience-based guidance across those interviews, and this month we’ll be sharing in two parts!

Here are the first seven tips:

1. Be open to learn from everyone.

“Be open in your career,” advised Pamela Yeo, General Counsel and Senior Vice President at AIG Property Casualty Asia Pacific. “When you realize that everyone around you can teach you something new, and you become receptive to knowledge sharing and connecting, this can have a big impact on your advancement.”

Yeo urged young professionals to put themselves out there to catapult your journey through connection.

Update: Pamela Yeo remains in the position she has now held for nearly 17 years.

2. Do not keep your head down.

As a junior analyst, Kathy Matsui was told to “work hard, keep your head down, and you will go far.”

“This was the worst advice I could have been given as a woman just beginning her career, but when I first began working the idea that an ‘invisible hand’ would simply promote you was widespread,” Matsui told us, previously as Vice Chair, Global Investment Research at Goldman Sachs in Japan back in 2019. “Aside from excelling in one’s job, women need to also identify mentors, connect with others across their organization, and share their accomplishments.”

Update: After over 26 years with Goldman Sachs, Kathy Matsui is a founding General Partner of MPower Partners, Japan’s first ESG-focused global VC fund, as of May 2021.

3. Check your self-limiting assumptions and projections.

Earlier in her career, Kathy Matsui also shared with us the risk of operating inside the framework of your own self-limiting projections, which meant she spent too much time early on spinning her wheels just to prove her worth.

“My client base here was pretty homogenous when I first started working in Japan, in that it was mostly Japanese men who were twice my age,” remarked Matsui. “At the beginning, I felt like I had three strikes against me because I was female, foreign, and young. But this was really a perception that I put upon myself because professionally, nobody actually treated me differently based on my identity.”

4. Claim your voice in the conversation and early on.

“Put it all out there on the field every day,” recommended Padideh Raphael, Partner at Goldman Sachs in Hong Kong. “Women tend to wait for validation before sharing their opinion, but they should speak up earlier.”

As a first generation American raised with gender-related boundaries by her Iranian mom, Raphael said: “I believe there are no inherent barriers to success in this industry, but in some cases I have seen that women are traditionally raised or shaped to abide by societal norms,” she says.  “To the extent possible, women should be confident in having a place in the discussion.”

Update: Padideh Trojanow (Raphael) remains a partner at Goldman Sachs, now with the firm for over 22 years.

5. Discern your own truth when it comes to work and family.

“Each person has to look inside themselves and make their own choice without feeling pressure from family members, and then ask them to support that choice,” asserted Xing Zhou when it come to work and family life, as Diversity & Inclusion Leader at PwC China. “I view it as an achievement that as the mom of two children, I am able to find the balance and can serve as a role model for others in my firm and industry.”

Zhou discussed how Chinese women face pressure from their husbands and in-laws to shift their focus entirely to motherhood, whereas that is not every woman’s desire for herself and only she can truly decide.

Update: Xing Zhou has been with PwC Hong Kong and Mainland China for 24 years. She has now additionally taken up the roles of North Markets Leader and Beijing Office Lead Partner of Mainland China.

6. Make clear choices to keep evolving.

“There were lots of things I was interested in, and I wasn’t sure what to focus on; I was always hedging my bets. Only when I started to make choices, and others could see what I was about, did it all came together,” stated Ay Wen Lie, Partner, M&A Advisory at PwC in Singapore.

Wen Lie advised getting clear on what you stand for and believe in, both when it come to the work you are doing and creating your personal brand, otherwise you dilute your ability to impact and stand out: “Don’t be afraid to make choices, play to your strengths and focus your energy on where you can best add value.”

Update: Ay Wen Lie has been a Partner at PwC in Singapore for ten years.

7. Constantly nurture your network, internally and externally.

“For women at all levels of their careers, constantly building your personal network both internally and externally is extremely valuable,” said Teo Lay Lim, previously as Country Managing Director of Singapore for Accenture. “Building personal networks helps you to draw on others to augment your own insights [and] perspectives,” she added, emphasizing that Accenture had more than 85 local women’s networking groups in 32 countries to help build up their networks.

Update: Teo Lay Lim is now a Chairperson at Accenture in Singapore, with over 33 years with the firm.

Look out for Part 2 of this retrospective of top advice from female executives in Asia!

By: Aimee Hansen

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OP-Ed: Six Hallmarks Of Rebuilding Strong Relationships at Work

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relationships at workAs we come out of the pandemic, rebuilding strong relationships at work will require special attention. Strong relationships are crucial for success and satisfaction – they determine the extent to which our managers, direct reports and even colleagues outside our area provide us the information, resources, and support we need as well as their openness to influence and willingness to work out difficulties.

Those relationships have suffered during the last 18 months. Tasks have been more foregrounded and personal connection backgrounded, as Zoom exhaustion, phone and email replaced the informal in-person contact that often builds connection.

Returning to working in person creates opportunities to build and rebuild strong, functional relationships. And there are challenges. We can’t just “flip a switch” and return to how it was before. Jobs have changed, and so have our needs. Some colleagues left and new ones were hired who we haven’t met in person. Some are happy to be back, others aren’t. Old habits and approaches might no longer work. We feel pressured to make up for lost time, leaving us without the luxury of letting new relationships develop over time. What to do?

We have studied what it takes to proactively build strong relationships quickly at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business for decades and know that relationships exist on a continuum from contact with no connection/casual to closer/more personal and ultimately to what we call exceptional. There are six hallmarks to moving along that continuum.

Six Hallmarks of Relationship Building

The first is I can be more fully myself and so can you. With someone new we tend to be cautious. As the relationship develops, we disclose more, which decreases misunderstandings and increases ways to connect. It also encourages the other to share, since disclosure tends to be reciprocal.

This relates to the second hallmark: both of you are willing to be vulnerable. What can I do to encourage you to disclose besides initiating? I can learn how to ask questions that convey I really want to know you and what matters to you. Reciprocal sharing and vulnerability build trust and understanding.

Disclosure feels risky. The third hallmark is therefore trust that what I share will not be used against me. That trust is built over time as you each take incrementally larger risks in becoming known to each other.

Fourth is, a willingness to be honest with each other. Do I know that you mean what you say so I don’t have to read between the lines or worry about what you are withholding and vice versa?

As we share more of ourselves, deepen our relationship, and work together, disagreements are inevitable, and conflicts might emerge. The fifth hallmark is dealing with disagreements and conflict productively in ways that further build the relationship.

The final hallmark is both of us are committed to each other’s growth. This may require raising difficult issues and giving challenging feedback, in service of each other’s learning and development.

Applying the Hallmarks In the Office

As we emerge from the pandemic, here is how these come into play. You have just returned to working in person and someone new has joined the team who you’ve never met or worked with. There are also team members with whom you are at the “mere contact” end of the continuum and others with whom you are a bit farther along. With some you are close. Maybe you have mixed feelings about some of these people. A couple of incidents during Zoom meetings annoyed you, which you didn’t raise. Time and performance pressures necessitate you move these relationships along the continuum to functional and robust quickly.

There are multiple ways to develop relationships and what is effective with one person might not be with another. With the new hire, you might start with sharing more of yourself as well as finding out how they like to get work done. For those where the relationship is not strong, talking about how each of you want to relate might help. In those cases where you’ve had negative interactions, it might be important to have an honest conversation about how to move past that and explore what there is to be learned.

People also differ in how they like to get work done. Some like to plan first, others like to take action to gather early data. Some are comfortable with risk, others more cautious, and so forth. Each of us has a strong preference for our style and yet organizations need them all.

In strong relationships we each leverage our style and work together productively. What do we do with conflict that arises when our styles differ? We learned firsthand when working together. David is a divergent thinker, always coming up with new ideas. Carole is more convergent and wants to “cut to the chase.” In discussing this openly, we realized we needed each other. If David was dominant, we might never have finished our book – if Carole’s was, our final product might not have been as good.

Returning to the office will require we double down on efforts to establish new relationships and reestablish previous ones. We can’t afford to “just let things develop.” We will have to make more intentional, conscious efforts. Doubling down requires paying even closer attention to how others get their work done and talking openly about preferences. We may need to be explicit and proactive. “I’m glad to respond to your requests, but it works better for me when I have advanced warning” could be all it takes.

Doubling down also means becoming aware of and willing to discuss entirely new issues, such as people’s preferences for in-person, hybrid or working at home for health reasons. We may need to be clearer about how tasks are to be divided up and handed off. Learning to empathize with someone whose pandemic experience (and post pandemic reality) is very different from ours will also matter.

We’ll need to respond differently to small annoyances, which are more likely when starting or reestablishing relationships. Your way of working bothers me a bit. But rather than just shoving my frustration under the rug and blaming you, this could be a sign we have something to work on and an opportunity for mutual learning and a better relationship.

To do this we will have to acknowledge the legitimacy of different approaches and further develop our problem-solving skills. It is less useful to try to convince the other and more useful to jointly explore what will work for both of us. That process, rather than distancing us, can further reestablish healthy work relationships and build even stronger ones.

Everything is unlikely to work out from the beginning, even with proactive outreach. Building and rebuilding relationships is a process that requires learning from what doesn’t work as much as from what does. It demands persistence, intention, and patience. But quickly building and rebuilding stronger relationships is well worth the effort.

David Bradford, Ph.D. is the Eugene O’Kelly II Senior Lecturer Emeritus in Leadership at Stanford Graduate School of Business, where he helped develop Interpersonal Dynamics (aka “Touchy Feely”) as well as much of the school’s leadership curriculum. He is the author of numerous books, including Managing for Excellence, Influence Without Authority, and Power Up. He lives in Berkeley, California, with his wife of more than fifty years.



Carole Robin, Ph.D. was the Dorothy J. King Lecturer in Leadership and Director of the Arbuckle Leadership Fellows Program at Stanford Graduate School of Business before co-founding Leaders in Tech, which brings the principles and process of “Touchy Feely” to executives in Silicon Valley. Prior to coming to Stanford, she had careers in sales and marketing management and was a partner in two consulting firms. She lives in San Francisco, California, with her husband of 36 years.

A fuller description of these six hallmarks and how to use them to build relationships can be found in CONNECT: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues by co-authors David Bradford and Carole Robin. Crown Random House, New York. 2021. Their book also contains the lessons of “Touchy Feely” that thousands of students have consistently described for decades as life changing. Available in hardcover, audible and Kindle versions HERE.

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OP-Ed: 3 Ways For You To Be An Inclusive Leader.

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Inclusive Leader“The future doesn’t just happen- people create it through their action, or actions today” according to The World Futurist Society. 

If you are a leader, you probably want to be your best self when it comes to creating high performing teams where people can feel empowered and like they belong, regardless of who they are. But, often the demanding focuses of the day job can suppress the best of intentions and actions in this space. Ever wondered how to fix this?

Let’s start with why diversity and inclusion seems to be the slowest, toughest and least integrated part of most businesses.

Close to twenty five years ago in 1996, Robin Ely and David Thomas wrote an article in HBR called “Making Differences Matter” —outlining three paradigms or approaches to diversity. This is possibly the best single piece of work for companies to follow as a “how to” for creating a learning culture for effectiveness in all areas, and specifically diversity. Ely and Thomas themselves know their “learning and effectiveness paradigm” was not implemented, to the detriment of the theme, and patiently explained again to the world what needs to be done in their latest paper in November 2020 called “Getting Serious about Diversity: Enough Already with the Business Case”.

The approach that they so accurately describe is to create a learning organization, meaning —in my opinion and in plain language— do the right work, not some pretend moral endeavor which is supposed to lie in ethics, which only some are compelled by, and only to some degree even with the best of intentions. Also, stop approaching representation as counting or hiring two of each type onto Noah’s Ark, thinking you have to be a giraffe to sell to a giraffe.

Lastly, they rightfully point out to stop the fallacies of women being magical unicorns who make share prices rise alone due to their presence on boards and instead: understand the work, make mistakes and learn, integrate the work. Rinse and repeat.

Adding to this, I would say stop categorically believing women’s networks or other ERGs (employee resource groups) can take the place of a systemic change rooted in behavioral change—which needs everyone to buy in and change. Having a strategic network is different from being part of an ERG that wants to do philanthropy or overlooks the fact that it has no real authority or power, as it’s not inside the hiring or promotion discussions for every person in the firm, where the changes that actually need to happen for real outcomes take place. Lobby for change, educate and gather —as ERG’s are good for some things— but know what they are there for, and align goals and resources accordingly!

Here are 3 areas to consider on your leadership journey to grow into the leader you want to be:

#1 Know yourself

Start with you and understanding your styles and preferences regarding work. You can recognize that others have a different style to you, once you see styles for what they are and how they show up in communications, learning and thinking. How do you uncover your style? The fastest way is to work with a good executive coach who specializes in executive and leadership development, as opposed to straight career coaching.

But, if you don’t have access to that type of resource, then ask yourself: what are your style preferences when it comes to communicating and being communicated with? Are you direct and candid or do you prefer to couch your requests in sentences where the audience can hear a gentler message, sometimes amongst other messages? We are all different and there are many free versions of Myers Briggs and other great tools free online to start, such as SCARF (the neuro-leadership institute) and Emotional Agility report by Dr. Susan David. The Learning Styles Inventory (LSI) is not expensive and comes with a full explanation of how you learn and apply knowledge. Curious souls on their development journey will benefit.

We are all somewhat beholden to how we were raised in our families and societies, unless we have taken the time to disrupt that – which you can start doing today by reading Immunity to Change. Doing this with a coach, or even by yourself, will help you to understand what is stopping you from reaching goals in any sense, including D&I ones.

# 2 Take time to know others

Some cultures find it quite impolite to just ask and other cultures find it weird not to say what’s on your mind. Some people might not comply with what you culturally assume they might, so rule number one is don’t assume anything.

Regardless of which schools of thought you buy into, or where you were brought up, or the body and skin you were born into, the psychology of inclusion and high performance are the same. Simply put, nobody likes to have grind or experience hindrances and barriers in doing their job and everyone wants psychological safety. We are exploring what it means to speak up safely.

Personality-based theory from behavioral and organizational psychologists would argue that all behavior is a function of your personality (traits, that are mostly intrinsic), times or reactive to the environment you are operating in. So, if you are a less-than-calm type, stress and certain work cultures will accentuate your excitability for example and can seem volatile. We know that certain people are judged more harshly for anger in the workplace than others, with Serena Williams punished for expressing something that Novak and all the men readily get endorsed for as part of an aggressive champion brand à la John McEnroe.

Instruments like the Hogan, which you may have done via a coach or a training session, will tell you these things. For inclusion, this plays out in many ways including, for some, a skepticism when people don’t walk the talk which makes diversity fatigue kick in, or else an overly diligent approach under stress to stick to outdated playbooks because historically things were done a certain way and status quo is a safer path.

Know where you are honestly at on your own journey. Take an audit of what life experiences you have had, what exposure and connection you have had to people different from yourself. Be compassionate about it, as it is a journey and about building trust and forgiveness for ourselves and others. In a recent Pew survey about cancel culture, the highest amount of respondents believed that context is the most important factor to understanding past behaviors. We can give people room to learn and adapt and grow, educate not punish.

Take the time to ask people who they are including. Straight white men are not a homogenous group either, just as all women or LGBTQ or Asian or African Americans/Black people are not the same. We are individuals, so the career advice here is to ask questions so that people can tell and show you who they really are, what their work styles are and where their interests lie as it pertains to projects. Just because you met one person of color once or a gay cousin, doesn’t mean you know them all, we are not a melded persona and the color of one’s skin or who they take to dinner doesn’t dictate their thinking or work preferences in any way, so just ask open questions to learn more. I am spelling it out here, but are brains are wired to evaluate and label and to override. We think we have seen the movie and how it ends before, when we haven’t.

#3 Know the cultural norms in your firm

How does work get done around here? Who gets rewarded and why (which behaviors) and what is not tolerated? It is key to understand the general ocean you are swimming in and the direction of the currents to truly leverage systems, programs and processes that can help you positively impact culture and succeed in being a change leader. Going from status quo to a new world of meritocracy is a change project. Who are your allies? And who can you form coalitions with to create a more positive inclusive culture where people get to thrive, not just survive?

Start today. The journey is worth it and a leadership one. Anything less demotivates talented people, discredits true high team performance and denies the reality of the world around you. Build trust.

by Nicki Gilmour, CEO and Founder, Evolved People (theglasshammer.com)

If you want to be a leader, work with Nicki Gilmour – Founder of theglasshammer.com , organizational and leadership coach this summer. Book here for a free exploratory session and then decide if you want to commit to a six session pack for $2,200 this year.

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OP-Ed: 9 Ways Working Moms Can Successfully Work From Home with Their Children Present

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working momsWith the pandemic (hopefully) coming to an end and corporations getting back to business as usual, many U.S. workers (including working moms) aren’t quite sure they want to head back to the office in person, at least not full-time. Instead, some experts predict a Great Resignation is on the horizon, with many U.S. employees indicating they’d rather quit their jobs than go back to in-person office life as they knew it pre-COVID-19.

If you’re a working parent considering making your home your new permanent workplace, you’re bound to have some moments when your work and home life intersect. While it’s ideal to have your kids in child care or to have someone present and watching your kids while you work, sick days and school holidays will likely mean you’ll need to simultaneously juggle caring for your kids and caring for your work obligations at least some of the time this coming year. Here’s how to handle working from home with your kids present long or short term.

1.     Set Expectations. First, set expectations with your kids about the day’s activities and what you are doing and why. Ask them for what you need and explain the boundaries.

2.     Distract Wisely. Give them age-appropriate distractions; it can be helpful to only allow screen time at these moments to keep their attention longer. Have a reward system in place to reinforce good behavior.

3.     Plan Ahead. Try to set up calls on days or times your kids aren’t there or during normal nap times. Perhaps arrange for grandma or grandpa to stop by right before your call and read a favorite book to your child. Or ensure your calls are with another understanding parent if your kids are present. If you expect your kids to interrupt you, proactively let the person on the phone know in advance that it may happen, and explain the situation and how you’ll handle it.

Concentrate on your highest priority work to-dos and those that require the most intense level of attention first. Start your day before your children wake up. This valuable time will be free of interruptions and will have your full attention. If you only have time to work on a few things, make sure they’re the ones you really care about or that really need to get done.

4.     Get Active Early. Depending on your schedule, play with your kids early in the day. Kids hate waiting, especially for our attention. Instead of making them more and more frustrated as you make just 1 more conference call, give them the attention they need at the start of the day and get them moving with fresh air and exercise, if possible, early on. Take a walk outside with your kids first thing in the morning when you wake up. When you finally do need to sit down and hammer out a few tasks, they won’t be so antsy, and you’ll be able to fully concentrate.

5.     Think Outside the Box. Consider an alternative schedule, especially if you have a partner who is also working from home. Mom may take the 6:00 am to 2:00 pm shift with the kids, then “go to work” in her home office, and dad works 2:00 to 8:00 pm. Or divide up the day. Think about working in 2-hour shifts, switching off with your partner or another caregiver.

6.     Consider Your Space. Designate areas of your home for specific tasks, and create visual cues that let your kids know you’re off-limits while you’re in those spaces. Your garage, the basement, a bedroom — these can all serve as work areas. When you physically separate from your kids and take yourself out of their line of vision, you’re less distracted, and your kids are less confused about your accessibility. As the saying goes, “out of sight, out of mind.” A red stop sign or a cutout of a hand on your office door is a clear indicator even to young children that work is in session and reinforces that you’re not available at the moment.

7.     Create Structure. Set your kids up for success during important meetings by creating structure. For preschool and elementary children, set up interesting activity centers in their playroom with model clay, craft paper and markers, or books they can interact with while you’re away for a short time. For older children, make a list of 10 activities they can do when they feel bored and put it on the refrigerator as a reminder for the times you’re off-limits. Use times you’re completely off-limits to have them dedicate effort to traditional schoolwork or online learning.

8.   Feed the Beast. Plan ahead for food needs. Cut up fruits and vegetables in advance and put them into containers labeled “Meeting Snacks.” Make mini quesadillas with protein and veggies, cut them into triangles, and set them out right before your meeting starts. For older kids, set out ingredients for sandwiches or salad before you head into a session with a client or coworker so it’s easy for them to put together a snack while you’re away.

9.     Be Honest. Be transparent with your business partners about the fact your kids are in the home with you. The more honest we are about how our home and work lives intersect, the more we normalize that experience for others, and, ultimately, push employers toward considering our whole-person needs as they create policies and culture.

Above all, give yourself grace. Accept that when you’re trying to do two jobs simultaneously, you’re bound to sometimes be less than perfect at both of them. Take breaks with and without your kids. Definitely don’t add even more to your proverbial plate — the errands, the vacuuming, that toothpaste you still need to buy — it can all wait. And, remember, if you eventually find yourself longing for a little more separation between your work and home life, that’s okay, too.

Whitney Casares, M.D., M.P.H., F.A.A.P., is the author of The Working Mom Blueprint: Winning at Parenting Without Losing Yourself. She is the Founder and CEO of Modern Mommy Doc and host of The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast.

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Three Ways to Move Into The Self-Care of Thriving

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Self-CareAs we hit the midpoint of the year and get into summer, let’s take a break from going through the motions to re-evaluate and practice self-care: what do you need to do for yourself to restore and regenerate?

Too much of self-care talk focuses on topping up the energy you have depleted so you can survive the daily grind. Self-care is not really about getting by, but committing to yourself and your authenticity so you can thrive.

Prioritizing self-care is about restoring your energy and your connection within, so that life becomes more energy-generative.

Here are three ways to practice self-care so you can feel more alive in your skin:

1. Get Back Into Relationship With Your Body

How often have you overrode your body’s messages – be it forgoing rest, healthy food or physical activity – while striving to do everything else that seemed ‘more important’? Women are especially prone to burnout at work and the long hours game has a disproportionally damaging effect on women’s health.

Overvaluing the mental urge towards productivity while disconnecting from our physical bodies moves us away from health and the feminine wisdom of our bodies. When you lose intimacy with your body, you lose the ability to access gut feelings, intuition and valuable emotional guidance.

As Stephen Covey would put it in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, you also make the mistake of prioritizing production at the expense of nurturing your production capability, which is only good for short-terms external wins but ultimately exhausts your ability to show up, especially for yourself.

This summer, really get into your body. Not just as a means to another end, such as running off the stress or shedding pounds. And don’t just recharge your body: you were not born to be a battery. Moving your body is not the same as being in a listening relationship with your body. Instead, re-attune to your body. Restore the connection with self, starting here.

Consider a yin yoga class, a restorative yoga class or perhaps 5 rhythms dance. Or let the sun pour in through your skin for twenty minutes. Do something new or slow or fast that brings your awareness back to the simplicity of your ‘being’ and the innate guidance of your body.

Your ‘doing’ will only benefit from bringing it into balance with your ‘being.’

2. Experience “Immersive” Time

“We wake up in the morning and we say, ‘I didn’t get enough sleep.’ And we hit the pillow saying, ‘I didn’t get enough done,’” says Brené Brown.

We conduct our busy work lives in linear time, which helps gives rise to the cultural narrative of scarcity, and the persistent feeling that you can never do enough. But the one-way march of time is just one left-brained frame for experience where we often end up “hustling for our worth,” as Brown puts it.

The seasons of nature and the physiology of the female reproductive body reveal the right-brained frame of cyclical time. What psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes as a state of Flow and the Greeks called kairos is yet another experience of time that is alive, creative, connected and synergistic.

“Chronos is clocks, deadlines, watches, calendars, agendas, planners, schedules, beepers…Kairos is transcendence, infinity, reverence, joy, passion, love, the Sacred… We exist in chronos. We long for kairos. That’s our duality,” writes Sarah Ban Breathnach, in her NYT bestseller Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. “Chronos requires speed so that it won’t be wasted. Kairos requires space so that it might be savored. We do in chronos. In kairos we’re allowed to be. It takes only a moment to cross over from chronos into kairos, but it does take a moment. All that kairos asks is our willingness to stop running long enough to hear the music of the spheres.”

This summer, drop into immersive time more often. A key quality is that the experience of presence and participation themselves are the reward of this time, not the result.

Perhaps it’s getting lost in adventures with your family or a deep conversation. Perhaps it’s a long walk or drive in nature. Reading a book. Cooking a homemade meal. Dancing or painting or writing or meditation or playing an instrument. Whatever activity makes you forget both yourself and the world because you are so inside of it, that’s the gold.

In a feminine sense of creativity, we do not forgo self-care in order to labor ‘at all costs’ for what is, relative to our health, an abstract outcome. We value and care for ourselves throughout the process as the experience is the creation. Tapping into immersive time increase your well-being, your creativity and your productivity, too.

3. Rediscover How To Use Your “No”

Halfway through the year is a good time to step back and ask where your time and energy is going and whether it’s adding up to create fulfilling meaning for you, rather than just ticking off your list or other’s needs.

As in Covey’s famous time management matrix, are you steadily putting energy and resource into the Quadrant 2 area of “not urgent but important” in your life? This is often the hardest area to devote yourself to when life pulls from all directions, so take a break to get an overview of your energy investment relative to your real values and desires.

More than ever, our energy is susceptible to be whittled away by low importance matters of false urgency, as 24/7 responsiveness and social media addiction has become normalized. Look at the hours you’ve spent on the phone in a day and ask if you deposited anything in the investment bank of your heart? How much was truly connection and how much was distraction?

When our commitments, as demonstrated by habit, are not aligned with our values-based desires, we begin to feel the pain of disconnection with self.

Realignment of energy with values is going to require emotional attuning.

One question that can be useful is to ask: What is the one thing I am getting angry/resentful for not doing? If you’re giving all your energy away except to the thing that’s really important to you, you will begin to feel like the world is crashing in on your personal boundaries. Now, how can you choose time to prioritize what you yearn for? Can you let discipline come from love?

As part of trauma exploration, Gabor Maté, M.D. talks about how most of us ‘wisely’ adapted to give up our authenticity for attachment as children. But when we continue to forgo our authentic needs, due to the stories and guilt we’ve cultivated, it causes stress, suffering and disease. He asserts that if you can’t say ‘no’, your body will.

According to Maté, women have a harder time saying no and suffer the health consequences. One essential step in self-care, and restoring your authenticity, is relearning how to give an authentic ‘no’ – whether in work or personal life.

Maté suggests to ask the following questions around saying ‘no’:

  • Where in my life do I have difficulty saying no?
  • What story did I tell myself about why I couldn’t say no?
  • Is that story really true?
  • What is the impact on myself when I don’t say no?
Thrive, Not Survive

This summer, think about self-care not as a way to survive the grind of your life, but to step a little further into thrive, whatever that authentically means for you!

By: Aimee Hansen

Note: We are taking a publishing break and our own advice and we will see you on Monday 12th July, and remember we have over 5000 articles to read in the archives if you are missing our cutting edge career insights!

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5 Ways To Become a Better LGBTQ+ Ally

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LGBTQ+ allyBeing an LGBTQ+ ally is being an advocate for, and active participant in, building cultural inclusion.

According to Fast Company, “Allyship refers to everyday acts which challenge behavioral norms and support members of marginalized groups through an awareness of the issues being faced by others.”

A team of professors in Harvard Business Review view “allyship” as: “a strategic mechanism used by individuals to become collaborators, accomplices, and coconspirators who fight injustice and promote equity in the workplace through supportive personal relationships and public acts of sponsorship and advocacy. Allies endeavor to drive systemic improvements to workplace policies, practices, and culture.”

Here are five ways to be an accomplice in creating cultural inclusion:

1. Cultivate Awareness and Empathy.

A lot of advice for being a better ally focuses on self-education. But what is the objective of that? Cultivating awareness and empathy.

A prerequisite of support is cultivating awareness of realities and painful disadvantages that you do not have direct experience of: becoming aware of the bias and discrimination and understanding why it causes harm. The absence of having to experience that reality is what we call ‘privilege’.

Allyship requires a willingness to open your eyes and place yourself in another’s shoes as they tell you how that experience exists for them through their eyes.

In their March 2020 survey of 2,000 LGBTQ+ employees and 2,000 straight employees, in partnership with NYC LGBT Community Center, Boston Consulting Group (BCG) found an interesting insight.

Natural allyship is on the rise, because the separation between young LGBTQ people and their straight peers is more narrow. Compared to their older counterparts, straight employees under 35 are 1.6 times more likely to know LGBTQ colleagues, 3.6 times more likely to join ally programs and 3 times more likely to find value in colleagues being ‘out’.

The younger the employee group, the greater the awareness of discrimination. For example, only one-fourth of straight 55-64 year olds witnessed any discrimination in the past year, compared to 57% of their LGBTQ+ peers. But 85% of straight 18-24 year olds witnessed it, much closer to the 91% of LGBTQ+ who also did.

That change reflects a much smaller gap and increased sensitivity in the ability to see certain behaviors as harmful to certain groups, even if you do not belong to the group.

By expanding your exposure to the stories of others, whether through personal connection, documentaries, books or following LGBTQ+ leaders and media, you increase your awareness of the nuances of discrimination and build empathy. Start here: Are you aware of the common microaggressions that LGBTQ+ people experience?

2. Recognize Identity As Personally Defined and Fluid.

As theglasshammer covered recently, social identity is increasingly becoming more personal, intersectional, fluid and multiple. But more than anything, identity is increasingly self-identified. The myriad range of LGBTQ+ experiences are far from universal.

It’s important to realize that language matters, and not make assumptions about the identity or orientation of another person or about what that belonging means for them.

By allowing others to tell you about themselves through their voice, rather than make assumptions, you remain curious and allow others to find their authenticity. An inside-out connection that begins with the internal connection with self, and interacting with others and the world from the space of that inner truthfulness, is the basis of authenticity.

Being conscious of your own language helps to avoid making assumptions, such as using gender-neutral terms like ‘partner’. Honoring a person’s self-identity includes observing the personal pronouns that people choose for themselves and normalizing that choice.

Certain short-cut assumptions are well-conditioned in our brains, so it takes effort to not make those automatic leaps. But when it comes to another person’s life, it’s far more connective to show up by listening to them before you assert assumptions about who they are.

3. Embrace The Growth in Discomfort.

“Allyship is not knowing it all and never making mistakes. That’s impossible,” writes Freddy McConnell, host of Pride & Joy BBC podcast. “It’s putting in the effort and not expecting trophies.”

Allyship requires vulnerability, because you’re going to be clumsy at times. As McConnell writes: “When my friend came out to me as nonbinary, I practised their pronouns in private. Being trans does not imbue me with a special gift for unlearning familiar speech patterns.”

It’s not about getting it right or wrong, but about being open to learning. Before we challenge any unconscious bias, stereotypes or assumptions in the culture around us, we often foremost come to confront the existence of them within ourselves, even as part of the LGBTQ+ community.

Often the roots of rejection (of others and self-rejection) are shame-based beliefs and conditioning. Evolving involves unlearning that cultural conditioning, including the habit to shame ourselves if we get it wrong.

A willingness to be wrong, admit when you’re wrong, own your mistake and be receptive to guidance is what is valuable to a growth mindset and to keeping the focus on your intention of better allyship.

“Allyship is actually more about the mistakes than the things that you do right,” says human rights advocate Maybe Burke, who conducts allyship training on behalf of the Transgender Training Institute. “It’s about how you deal with those mistakes and move forward.”

4. Treat Ally as a Verb.

As suggested in a University College London (UCL) blog: “Think of ‘ally’ as an action rather than a label.” Being an ally is not about whether you consider yourself as an ally, but how you show up in support consistently.

In their research, BCG found that only 34% of straight employees always intervene when they see an encounter. As written in HBR: “When you witness discrimination, don’t approach the victim later to offer sympathy. Give him or her your support in the moment.”

Remaining silent is a comfortable form of passive collusion—it assures that heteronormative assumptions and microaggressions remain invisible, insidious and unchallenged within the fabric of an organizational culture, and puts the emotional burden on LGBTQ+ people to be the only ones calling out these behaviors. It also makes it more vulnerable for them to do so.

Are you willing to speak up when you hear something that feels wrong or discriminatory or does not sit well, inside of your heart? And will you be that voice in the room, even when the LGBTQ+ person may not be in it? Are you being an ally (verbing it) in the moment it’s called for?

5. Uplift LGBTQ+ Voices.

Ultimately, allyship embraces an interdependent lens: a culture is not really working for anybody if it’s not welcoming and nutritive for everybody. An organizational culture needs to be a win-win for all employees on all levels to be maximally effective.

That’s why performative allyship is dangerous—it comes from a place of ego protection, does not integrate win-win and keeps the focus on the appearance of allyship (the guise of doing good) rather than fundamentally being aligned to real organizational change for everyone’s good.

Performative allyship fears losing its position or does not really embrace the point.

Speaking up as an ally is not about speaking over, but raising everyone’s voice. Be willing to ask how you can support your LGBTQ+ colleagues in the way that is most meaningful for them.

While your voice will be needed as an ally, your success will be evidenced in the greater space for marginalized LGBTQ+ voices at the center, not the edges, of the organizational conversation—down to the small and casual daily interactions that form relationships and culture.

(If you are a leader who wants to develop your skills as an inclusive leader to leverage diversity and truly understand the topic as a strategic capability, work with Nicki Gilmour on this topic as she coaches male and female leaders and managers who are growing their skills and evolving their behaviors to lead the current and future top talent of their firms. For an exploratory call, please book a session here.)

By Aimee Hansen

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OP-Ed: It’s Never Too Late To Be Your Whole Self

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whole selfWhat can companies and their leaders do to empower each employee to be their whole self? Lori McEvoy, Managing Director and Global Head of Distribution at Jennison Associates, shares what she’s learned over a 30-year career in asset management.

When I started my career in the late 1980s, I could not reveal I was gay (now recognized as lesbian). I knew there were others like me, but they were all closeted, especially some very experienced professionals. My uncle and his long-time companion were gay and, as senior leaders of a major insurance company, they were closeted. They knew they could be legitimately fired for their sexual orientation. They brought women to social and corporate events, lived at separate addresses, and never publicly acknowledged their life together. It was a time when few gay people were open. Even today, just 2% of baby boomers self-identify as LGBT, compared to 16% for Generation Z. When your livelihood and reputation are at stake, you do not say certain things, you stay private and keep your personal life separate from the corporate environment.

That was the example I witnessed growing up. Sexuality was never discussed in my household, and my father was unable to say the obvious truth that his oldest brother was gay. I knew how painful it would be for his daughter to admit the same thing, so I hid my identity from my family for many years. Rather, I believed my personal contributions, scholastic and athletic achievements, and career, would determine my worth. I wanted others to recognize my work ethic and production, not my orientation—especially back then.

Integrating personal and work lives

I met Kathi in 1988 and she quickly became my partner in life. I’m so grateful for our relationship and I’m not sure where I would be without her by my side. We have been a family for more than 30 years. I tell her all the time—borrowing one of the best lines from Jerry Maguire—“You complete me.” We share the same values—we both put family first and share the same foundation of hard work, honest communication, dedication and faith, and we do whatever it takes for us to continue to be close.

It was not easy to come out about our relationship. Both of our families were not accepting, and the last thing we ever wanted was for them to be ashamed of us. We both had attended Catholic grammar school, high school and college. Our inability to reconcile our commitment to each other and our faith with our religious upbringing was devastating.

At work, I was private about my relationship with Kathi. Putting up her picture in my office, which no one else would think twice about, felt like a big deal. Instead, I displayed pictures of my immediate family. If my colleagues knew about my private life, they never spoke about it. Business events typically allowed spouses, and sometimes Kathi would attend with me as a “friend”.

Thankfully, mainstream culture became more open and accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. When Ellen DeGeneres came out on her TV show and subsequently appeared on the cover of Time with the headline, “Yep, I’m Gay,” in 1997, it was a pivotal moment. In 2011, same-sex marriage was legalized in New York. When Kathi and I officially got married in Manhattan, my coworkers held a wedding shower for us.

One event stood out to me as a sign of how the environment was changing—an exchange between my 4-year-old niece (now aged 20) and her pediatrician. The pediatrician asked her what she was doing for the weekend and my niece answered that she was going to her Aunt Lori and Aunt Kathi’s lake house. The pediatrician asked for clarification, “Is it Aunt Lori or Aunt Kathi’s house?” My niece put her hand on her hip and exclaimed: “Girls can get married too, you know!” That was a huge moment for me. A 4 year-old was observant enough to know that Kathi and I were a family. In her mind, we were just another couple.

Today, even though the world has evolved, I still get the standard question at an industry or community event, “What does your husband do?” I just throw it out there, “My wife is CEO of our family and is also a Bikram yoga instructor!”

The importance of leadership by example

Leaders are essential to creating and maintaining a culture in which everyone feels welcome. I think they must lead by example. After I joined Jennison Associates in 2017, Jennison’s CEO Jeff Becker and I had dinner. He began asking me about Kathi. Wow, I thought, he and my wife have so much in common! They are both die-hard NHL hockey fans, having played the sport, and both love boating and waterskiing. I recognized that Jeff and I also had much in common—we spoke easily about family, our upbringing, and caring for our elderly parents. It immediately occurred to me: I’m with the right firm—I can bring my authentic self to work.

I believe diversity, equity and inclusion should embrace all parts of the individual. During a recent firm-wide conversation about mental health, several senior leaders publicly shared how mental health issues have impacted their families. It was incredibly powerful and moving. It also reminded me that everyone’s life has challenges, whether a person seems to be doing well or is just going about their business. You just don’t know. We owe it to our colleagues to check in—especially while we are working remotely. I feel strongly that a firm’s culture should allow us all to be more open.

The benefits of diversity and being true to oneself

And that, to me, is diversity. We all have different perspectives. When those perspectives can come together, they deliver a better outcome for everyone. The world has changed dramatically over the past 50 years, and we need to be open to new ways of thinking for the future. Ultimately, there is room for all of us, and no one should be rejected for offering their time, ideas or knowledge to change things for the better.

I’ve had a real opportunity to lean in and contribute. I am very proud of my participation in Jennison’s newly formed Inclusion Council, where I serve as executive sponsor, and my work with our parent, PGIM, on the Women’s Advisory Council and the recently formed LGBTQ+ Think Tank.

I can only say to young people starting out: Just recognize the importance of being true. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. There will be many opportunities in your career—make sure the one you select aligns with your interests and values. I have had a passion for this business since I joined it three decades ago. Today, I’m sometimes asked when I plan to retire. I answer—I’m only 57! I’m not stepping away anytime soon, especially now that I am being my whole self.

By Lori McEvoy, Managing Director – Global Head of Distribution, Jennison Associates

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Diversify the Image of Corporate Leadership to Include Asian American Women

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Asian American Women LeadersIf more Asian American women are to reach leadership positions, Corporate America needs to integrate a wider and more inclusive image of what leadership looks and feels like.

Nearly 40% of Asian American women identify as entrepreneurs. According to the 2019 State of Women-Owned Business Report, Asian American women-owned businesses represent 9% of all women-owned businesses.

Between 2014 to 2019, the average revenue for women-of-color-owned businesses shrank, according to the report, with the exception of Asian women-owned businesses. The average earned revenue for these firms indexes 33% above all women-owned businesses and represent the highest number for any racial/ethnic group, though Asian American businesses have been been disproportionately devastated by the virus of racism since the pandemic began.

Asian American women know how to lead and the results of their businesses prove they lead well. Last week, theglasshammer talked about the insidious harm of stereotypes, mythology and microaggressions when it comes to obstacles to reaching corporate leadership for Asian American women.

Now let’s question a definition of leadership that closes the gates to women that are compelled to lead – especially East Asian women.

The Over-Valuation of Assertiveness

Asian American women leaders are far from a monolith and are not represented equally in leadership either. Another factor at play in inhibiting East Asian women, in particular, in attaining executive leadership roles is a status quo of narrow leadership norms that close the gates to a diversity of leadership qualities and approaches.

A report on diversity among Fortune 500 CEOs from 2000 to 2020 indicates that 35 Asian-Americans were CEOs Of Fortune 500 companies during this period: 13 were East Asians and 22 were South Asians. Only six were women.

Among Standard & Poor’s 500 companies between 2010 and 2017, there were 1.92 white CEOs per million in the U.S population, 2.82 South Asian CEOS per million in the population, and only .59 East Asian CEOS per million in the population.

Recently released research from MIT Sloan associate professor Jackson Lu explored why East Asians, but not South Asians, are uniquely underrepresented in leadership in U.S. business, concluding that this inequality is “an issue of cultural fit — a mismatch between East Asian norms of communication and American norms of leadership.”

While non-Asian Americans exhibited greater “prejudice” against South Asians than East Asians, this did not correspond with the leadership gap. “Motivation” was also equal between the groups. What the researchers posit is that the over-evaluation of “assertiveness” in U.S. leadership, which East Asians consistently scored lower on, is why East Asians are less likely to attain leadership positions.

Whereas South Asian cultures often encourage assertiveness and debate, East Asian cultures often emphasize humility and conformity, but this is not indicative of the lack of confidence nor motivation that it can be perceived as through a Western lens.

“Importantly, assertive leaders are not necessarily the most effective ones. American organizations need to diversify the prototype of what a leader should look like,” states Wu. An overly assertion-based leadership ideal not only has a cultural and gender bias but an inclination towards more toxic shadow traits of leadership.

Diversifying The Leadership Norm

Part of valuing and respecting Asian American women leaders involves changing the cultural norm and implicit prototype of what we value in leadership.

A September 2020 paper from Russell Reynolds Associates suggests that companies “reconsider internal definitions of who is qualified to lead”—pointing out that a too narrow definition of good leaders is what inhibits the wider objectivity needed to promote the best leaders in their own authentic leadership style.

“Past efforts to fill this leadership gap have mainly focused on how Asian Americans should individually moderate their leadership styles to adapt to the dominant culture. Yet this approach opens the possibility that they will be criticized for another reason: failing to match American expectations of stereotypical Asian American behavior,” writes the authors. “We consider this a ‘double-edged sword,’ with neither path allowing them to be recognized and rewarded for their authentic leadership styles, wherever they fall on the spectrum of cultural expectations.”

“In our experience, the leadership gap is not a reflection of how well Asian Americans can lead,” the authors continue, “but rather how narrowly companies define what a successful leader looks like and how he or she should behave.”

“While many organizations value assertiveness and self-confidence in their leaders,” says Deborah Ancona, professor of leadership at MIT Sloan and founder of the MIT Leadership Center, “it is important to note that there are many different leadership capabilities that organizations also need to foster and reward.”

A qualitative LEAP Asian American Executive Leadership report revealed that among successful C-Suite Asian American executives, the non-visible values of continuous learning, collectivism and humility were at the root of their successful leadership.

Along with recommendations for individuals that would frankly apply to any aspiring leader (self-reflect, observe others, push (your own) boundaries and be open), the LEAP authors recommend, in their words, that organizations take three actions:

  • Redefine leadership – reconsider the definition of leadership combining the uniqueness of Asian Americans and, organizational, and societal needs
  • Create spaces – offer programs that embrace leadership styles, mindsets and values that develop and align to Asian American leaders
  • Reach out – include Asian Americans’ diverse perspectives and mindsets when navigating change and uncertainty

The cultural and personal influences that characterize the leadership of any given individual will be unique—the point is for more varied expressions to be invited in, to reveal their own strengths and benefits.

Our definition of leadership is dated and limiting the range of talent that gets in and leadership approaches. In order to create more diversity in leadership, we need to diversify the way we think about leadership, to begin with.

By Aimee Hansen

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