Tag Archive for: working parents

OP-Ed: 9 Ways Working Moms Can Successfully Work From Home with Their Children Present

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working momsWith the pandemic (hopefully) coming to an end and corporations getting back to business as usual, many U.S. workers (including working moms) aren’t quite sure they want to head back to the office in person, at least not full-time. Instead, some experts predict a Great Resignation is on the horizon, with many U.S. employees indicating they’d rather quit their jobs than go back to in-person office life as they knew it pre-COVID-19.

If you’re a working parent considering making your home your new permanent workplace, you’re bound to have some moments when your work and home life intersect. While it’s ideal to have your kids in child care or to have someone present and watching your kids while you work, sick days and school holidays will likely mean you’ll need to simultaneously juggle caring for your kids and caring for your work obligations at least some of the time this coming year. Here’s how to handle working from home with your kids present long or short term.

1.     Set Expectations. First, set expectations with your kids about the day’s activities and what you are doing and why. Ask them for what you need and explain the boundaries.

2.     Distract Wisely. Give them age-appropriate distractions; it can be helpful to only allow screen time at these moments to keep their attention longer. Have a reward system in place to reinforce good behavior.

3.     Plan Ahead. Try to set up calls on days or times your kids aren’t there or during normal nap times. Perhaps arrange for grandma or grandpa to stop by right before your call and read a favorite book to your child. Or ensure your calls are with another understanding parent if your kids are present. If you expect your kids to interrupt you, proactively let the person on the phone know in advance that it may happen, and explain the situation and how you’ll handle it.

Concentrate on your highest priority work to-dos and those that require the most intense level of attention first. Start your day before your children wake up. This valuable time will be free of interruptions and will have your full attention. If you only have time to work on a few things, make sure they’re the ones you really care about or that really need to get done.

4.     Get Active Early. Depending on your schedule, play with your kids early in the day. Kids hate waiting, especially for our attention. Instead of making them more and more frustrated as you make just 1 more conference call, give them the attention they need at the start of the day and get them moving with fresh air and exercise, if possible, early on. Take a walk outside with your kids first thing in the morning when you wake up. When you finally do need to sit down and hammer out a few tasks, they won’t be so antsy, and you’ll be able to fully concentrate.

5.     Think Outside the Box. Consider an alternative schedule, especially if you have a partner who is also working from home. Mom may take the 6:00 am to 2:00 pm shift with the kids, then “go to work” in her home office, and dad works 2:00 to 8:00 pm. Or divide up the day. Think about working in 2-hour shifts, switching off with your partner or another caregiver.

6.     Consider Your Space. Designate areas of your home for specific tasks, and create visual cues that let your kids know you’re off-limits while you’re in those spaces. Your garage, the basement, a bedroom — these can all serve as work areas. When you physically separate from your kids and take yourself out of their line of vision, you’re less distracted, and your kids are less confused about your accessibility. As the saying goes, “out of sight, out of mind.” A red stop sign or a cutout of a hand on your office door is a clear indicator even to young children that work is in session and reinforces that you’re not available at the moment.

7.     Create Structure. Set your kids up for success during important meetings by creating structure. For preschool and elementary children, set up interesting activity centers in their playroom with model clay, craft paper and markers, or books they can interact with while you’re away for a short time. For older children, make a list of 10 activities they can do when they feel bored and put it on the refrigerator as a reminder for the times you’re off-limits. Use times you’re completely off-limits to have them dedicate effort to traditional schoolwork or online learning.

8.   Feed the Beast. Plan ahead for food needs. Cut up fruits and vegetables in advance and put them into containers labeled “Meeting Snacks.” Make mini quesadillas with protein and veggies, cut them into triangles, and set them out right before your meeting starts. For older kids, set out ingredients for sandwiches or salad before you head into a session with a client or coworker so it’s easy for them to put together a snack while you’re away.

9.     Be Honest. Be transparent with your business partners about the fact your kids are in the home with you. The more honest we are about how our home and work lives intersect, the more we normalize that experience for others, and, ultimately, push employers toward considering our whole-person needs as they create policies and culture.

Above all, give yourself grace. Accept that when you’re trying to do two jobs simultaneously, you’re bound to sometimes be less than perfect at both of them. Take breaks with and without your kids. Definitely don’t add even more to your proverbial plate — the errands, the vacuuming, that toothpaste you still need to buy — it can all wait. And, remember, if you eventually find yourself longing for a little more separation between your work and home life, that’s okay, too.

Whitney Casares, M.D., M.P.H., F.A.A.P., is the author of The Working Mom Blueprint: Winning at Parenting Without Losing Yourself. She is the Founder and CEO of Modern Mommy Doc and host of The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast.

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Juggling Work and Kids? Yes, You Can Have It All

Supporting new parents

Guest Contributed by Marissa Evans Alden, Co-Founder and CEO of Sawyer

Recent research shows that more than one in three working parents have missed a significant event in their child’s life due to work commitments.

Current standards can be very high standard for parenting, much higher than what existed when we were growing up. There’s this big feeling that you need to be present at all times – which just isn’t possible, because the other expectation is that you’re working and career-driven. Something has to give – and the challenge is which one is it? It’s something we’re all still figuring out.

It Takes a Village

There’s often this illusion that some women seem to be able to do it all but the truth is, if you’re doing it well, you’re not doing it alone. Having a solid support system in place is crucial. Being able to lean on a supportive spouse who understands what 50/50 really looks like or having a network of friends and family members close by is very helpful during periods when you need to travel for work or when you can’t be around outside of normal business hours. Also, a flexible nanny, babysitter or au pair is invaluable when it is crunch time.

At the same time, having a great business partner, as I do in Stephanie Choi (my former Rent The Runway colleague and now Sawyer co-founder), makes life a lot easier for when you need to leave the office for a doctor’s or school appointment. Being able to lean on your “village” really is critical.

Prioritize and Plan Ahead

Prioritizing what’s most important and what you are willing to compromise on helps set boundaries. I personally feel okay about missing bedtime two nights a week but I will draw a line there. The time between work and bed is a really sacred time for my daughter and me, so I like to make sure we use it well.

It does mean having to plan evening events religiously and prioritizing what to say yes to, regardless of whether it’s a night out with your spouse, a work event, or seeing friends. One equitable solution could be going home before bedtime or heading out after the kids are asleep. Plan whatever feels right for you and make that the top priority. Energy is required.

Create a Fulfilling Schedule for Your Kids

Balancing your kid’s free time and more structured time is something to be very mindful of. It’s important to strike a balance in order to facilitate well-rounded development. Ideally, a child will have a mix each day. There’s no one size-fits-all approach when it comes to the number of extra-curricular activities a child should or shouldn’t be involved in but I’m a fan of diversity – my daughter Blake does a mix of solo and team activities, physical and mental. For example, Blake is enrolled in three classes each week – theater, music and soccer – and then plays with friends and also goes to the playground, so there’s lots of socializing with other children in different settings. That seems to be a really good fit for her but each child is different.

Don’t Make Allowances at Work for Being Pregnant or Having a Family

One of the biggest challenges I’ve faced in business is the difficulty of raising funds as a female founder in the male-dominated venture capital industry (only 2.2% of VC funding in 2018 went to women). Many times when we did the pitch circuit either Stephanie or I was pregnant. It didn’t stop us from successfully raising the capital we needed to jump start our business though. My advice to other women is simply don’t ever see being pregnant or having a family as an obstacle between you and your goals.

Juggling it all

No one has ever said that juggling a career and making time for your family is easy, especially if you’re in a leadership position. Mom guilt affects many working mothers I know, but the good news is, according to research from Harvard Business School, kids of working mothers grow up to be just as happy in adulthood as children with stay-at-home moms.

While it can be a daunting task to try and “have it all,” with the right planning it is possible. Do set yourself work/life boundaries, don’t be afraid to ask for help, surround yourself with a solid support network, and don’t ever allow being a mother and having a family get in the way of your career goals.

About the Author

Marissa Evans Alden is the CEO and Co-Founder of Sawyer, the innovative online marketplace that offers a convenient, all-in-one booking experience for parents looking to discover enriching experiences for their children. A leader in the consumer products industry, Marissa is known for her ability to strategize and develop successful platforms throughout a range of industries.

A seasoned technology entrepreneur, Marissa received her BS in Human Development at Cornell University, followed by an MBA degree at Harvard Business School. Known for her proven ability to tap into the consumer market with a fresh eye, Marissa founded Go Try It On in 2010, a consumer fashion application that was acquired by Rent the Runway in 2013. She then joined Rent the Runway as Head of Radical Innovation, General Manager, where she lead the way for new product development and all things related to the growth and loyalty of the brand’s eCommerce. In 2015, Marissa and Rent the Runway co-worker Stephanie Choi co-created Sawyer.

The opinions and views expressed by guest contributors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of theglasshammer.com

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Working Parents: Get Rid of Guilt, Blame, Shame and Regret, Once and for All

Supporting new parents

Guest contributed by Lauren Marie

With the rise of social media, the prevalence of judgment on parents has reached epidemic proportions.

This US study found that 90% of moms and 85% of dads feel judged by others, and nearly half of all parents feel judged almost all the time. This constant demand to conform to others’ rules not only undermines a parent’s wellbeing, it also stifles their ability to follow their dreams and create new financial opportunities for themselves and their families.

It doesn’t seem to matter whether you stay home to raise your children, put them in day care, have a nanny or family member caring for them, or something else. People feel they have the right to judge you for any choice you make involving children,

Is there a ‘right’ path for working parents? What if, rather than looking for what the right decisions are, you began to look for what your choices create, and choose what works for your family, regardless of other people’s judgments?

The modern family has grown undefined and can look completely different in every household. The idea that one size can fit all is a little crazy. What will work for you and your kids might not work for another family and that is okay!

Your choice creates awareness

Each choice you make will give you more clarity and direction to inform the choices you will make in the future. Instead of judging each choice as right or wrong, what if you look at the information you gained, and change course based on what occurs as you go? For example, let’s say you try out one day care based on a friend’s recommendation. Your child comes home unhappy, doesn’t want to go back, or cries every time you drop them off. This doesn’t mean that you made a bad choice. It is just more information you can use to make the next choice better and to give you more awareness of what works or doesn’t work for your child.

We think that we must make a decision and hold onto it, for fear that if we change our minds it will mean we were wrong or did something bad.

The capacity to change, to not have a fixed point of view, but rather a malleable reality that can look totally different in any moment, is one of your greatest gifts to the world and to your children.

Without having to hold onto a decision or a point of view, with no need of being right, and a total willingness to change on a dime, would you have to feel guilt or shame? What if you looked at the mistakes you’ve made as a chance to learn and grow and become greater?

Your children learn from watching and modeling you

If you judge yourself, you’re teaching your children to judge themselves too. Instead, have allowance for your choices, even the so-called mistakes, and you will teach your children to have allowance for themselves too.

That doesn’t mean you act without care or consequence. On the contrary, it means you ask questions all the time and choose based on what will create greater change for everyone involved.

Asking questions

When your children are at an age where they can reason and understand, begin asking them what works for them. Ask them where they want to go to school, who they want to play with, which nanny they like best? It doesn’t mean you have to do whatever your child wants, but it will allow them to feel empowered to make choices and gives you more information and feedback. You can also ask yourself questions… “I wonder what would happen if we chose to do: X, Y, or Z?”

What if you became curious again, about everything, the way children are?

Judging never creates greater

Guilt, blame, shame and regret are all based on judgment. Judging someone or something doesn’t make it better. It only locks what you are judging further into place. If you want something to change, you have to make a different choice.

We need to take pressure off ourselves by not looking at ourselves through other people’s eyes and by discovering what is actually true for us. Every time you begin to judge yourself, stop. It is a choice; it is not an automatic. Your point of view can actually become reality. If you believe you are not good enough, you never get it right, you’re a terrible mother … that’s what will reflect back at you.

You must put your kids to bed at a certain time, have limited amounts of “screen time,” read to them, give them appropriate social cues, teach them to play nicely with others. I’m sure you’ve heard all of this and more as the right way to parent and the right way to be a working mom. What you want to start looking at is which of these ‘rules’ are true and work for you and your kids, not just buy them all as real because someone else tells you it is so.

Judgments are not real. Let other people judge you however they judge you, don’t make it significant. You know you better than anyone. Trust in that; trust in you.

If you want to empower your children to love themselves, to trust themselves, and to make good decisions for themselves, you must show them by practicing allowance and trust for you first.

Practice gratitude for you

To truly get rid of guilt, blame, shame and regret, be grateful for who you are in the world, who you are in the workplace, who you are at home. This will start to shift the feelings of guilt and regret. When they come up, focus instead on something you can be grateful for about you. Watch the negative feelings shrink as the gratitude grows. Gratitude and judgment cannot coexist. It’s a muscle you can choose to build, and the more you use it the stronger it gets.

About the Author

Lauren Marie is a Joy of Business facilitator, acupuncturist, entrepreneur and mother of twins. She travels worldwide, facilitating classes and changing her clients’ point of view about life, health and business. Born on the outskirts of Washington D.C., Lauren now lives on Queensland’s Sunshine Coast. A passionate creator and conscious rule-breaker, Lauren seeks to inspire other mothers to see the possibilities they overlook and to embrace every challenge and choice that parenthood brings.

The opinions and views expressed by guest contributors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of theglasshammer.com

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