Tag Archive for: Nicki Gilmour

High Stakes: Changing Careers at the End of Your Long Career in Financial Services

By Nicki Gilmour, CEO and Founder of theglasshammer.com and resident Executive Coach

What do you do if you really feel that you need a change?

First of all, talk to a coach to make sure that you don’t just need a vacation.

Coaching to stay in the game is often a lifesaver as it can give you some strategies to delegate work or navigate the inevitable politics in a way that doesn’t drain you. But, at face value let’s say you are ready or at least ready to think about making a change.

The first thing to do is look at where you are at in your life? Here are things to consider if you are in the “last 2-5 years” of your current fast pace, Fortune 500/financial firms work stage and now want to do something more meaningful with your time and energy for the next chapter. It is not retirement we are talking about here, it is about transition. This column is about the very specific transition of high flyers who have slogged under the boomer and generation X structures of facetime and fitting in, into their next chapter of purposeful, less rigid work.

What do you want to do with your time and energy for the next five to fifteen years?

If you are like many of the senior level, talented, smart and well-paid women who work in financial services and who hire me to work on how to do something other than the massive role they are currently doing, then think about these factors:

1. Is it really about the money?

The money is keeping you in to a degree and creating some inertia around change. It’s hard to take a pay cut and it’s hard to think about walking away from a pile of vested equity (and there are ways to not do the latter) but nobody is saying leave tomorrow and getting a plan is key. If mortgages are nearly or already paid and the kids are in college or are set up for that experience financially, it is possibly not entirely about the money.

2. Is it about your identity?

When you have worked so hard and built an identity around the job, people are often worried about the loss of that identity in various ways (from actual self- concept change and the psychological effects of that, to status and to relating to others).

3. Is it about a fantasy?

So, you may have come to the conclusion, that you do not want to be CEO or on the Exec Committee. You might be C- level, SVP level, or Managing Director level and you might be ready to declare this the pinnacle of corporate life and guess what? Giving yourself permission to do what you actually want to do is actually pretty important. The trick is to explore what you really want to do next (and that could be making it to CEO also). Look beyond the fantasy and allure of running away and opening a Bed and Breakfast, north, south, east or west of where you live now! If it’s a business, great then let’s see how serious you are about doing the business plan and figuring out that landscape for real. Really testing your assumptions about what you want to do next, whether be your own business or a non-profit gig or even running for office, it is good to consider in detail (viability check) what that will look like with a coach while safely cashing in on the (big) day job from a comfortable office with a view.

Work with Nicki Gilmour as your Executive Coach- book a complementary exploratory call here or email her on nicki@evolvedpeople.com – the sister coaching business to theglasshammer.com

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Dare to Dream! What Job Would You Do if You Won the Lottery?

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executve Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Upon winning the lottery, some people might stop working.

Others would take the opportunity to work in their dream job. What is your dream job? If you do not know the answer, let us have some fun while summer is still here to dare to dream because you might just find some answers for real life by letting your mind run wild.

Let’s start with 3 questions to stimulate the process:

1. What makes you tick? ( there are many tests to take- for example, the Hogan personality instrument helps you understand you behaviors based on your personality and work environment, Myers Briggs, Firo-B etc). Do you need recognition? Is it about power for you? How high is your altruism markers? Are you hedonistic and want to have ping pong and happy hours? How social are you? Do you need to achieve at all costs?

2. How do you prefer to learn? if you are going to do a new thing, how would you like to approach it? Will you jump in and learn by doing? Or would you prefer to have time to studying?

3. What are your absolute bottom lines and how did you get to them? If you had teams of support people, would you choose to outsource child care or would you outsource work? How do you want to spend your time?

Have some fun here. Write it down, draw pictures, do a vision board, whatever works for you!

What comes out of this simple exercise for you?

If you want to work with an executive coach on this and and then the advanced exercises that will take you to the next level at work or even your next job, contact nicki@theglasshammer.com

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3 Easy Ways to Know What Job You Want to Do Next

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Staying in the job, after the love has gone?

We have all done it, we have all stayed in a position at work that just did not excite us anymore on any level. The reasons that keep us there can vary but more often than not, it is a combination of wanting the security/ money and not believing that there is a better situation out there for us. Confidence, or lack of it for people who have never had a confidence issue before, can be very daunting.

It is normal to ask yourself, ‘But what would i do?’

The answer to that question is very personal and individual but in broad strokes my bet is that you could do a range of things inside or outside of your current firm and even industry.

Isn’t it time to do what you want to do? I mean, you probably have more skills than you give yourself credit for and probably most of them are entirely transferable.

Here are 3 steps to get closer to your ideal job.

1. Make a list of what you like doing
2. Then make a list of what you do not like doing
3. Make a list of the tasks you would be doing in a more ideal situation 12 months from now.

I am mentioning tasks, because often we talk about roles or responsibilities instead of tasks. Roles like, I want to manage people doesn’t actually define what is your task or the tasks they are doing that you will be responsible for, so go granular in this exercise.

What comes out of this simple exercise for you?

If you want to work with an executive coach on this and and then the advanced exercises that will take you to your next job, contact nicki@theglasshammer.com

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5 Tips to Increasing your Empathy as a Leadership Strategy

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

I used to have zero empathy, lots of honest concern for the person in their situation, but zero empathy (and I have the psychometric tests to prove it).

I could not understand why people could not do better, get over it and get on with it. I was judging them against my paradigms built as a child growing up in a terrorist state with an emotionally unavailable parent and a right wing culture telling me I had to be tough to survive( Northern Ireland in the 1980s under Thatcher). My frameworks and values were in play exclusively, not the other person’s frameworks. It was frustrating for me and I am pretty sure it was not a pleasant experience for people I managed and had in my life. Empathy is a leadership skill, because without it you cannot understand what people are feeling which dictates everything from how they perform to how they show up at work attitudinally and to how authentic they are with you.

This is key if you want to get past the golden rule of ‘treat others of treat people how you want to be treated’ and evolve to the platinum rule of “treat others how they want to be treated.”

So, I built, brick by brick and I internalized it and like any muscle flexed it until it became integral to my nature. You can do this also!

Here are 4 quick tips to get started:

1. Ask open questions that allow people to tell you about themselves and their situations in a way that gives them space to do it their way. Don’t interrogate people as building trust comes before, during and after these types of interactions.

2. Understand the difference between empathy and sympathy. Sympathy is when you feel an emotion for their situation ( such as sorrow and there is distance between you and them emotionally). Empathy is when their emotion is something that you feel with them as it pertains to your own ability to map it internally to your own experiences.

3. Do not limit other people’s emotions to your own range or to your own experiences. Frankly, you might not have the biggest range in the world. And if are very subjective in your ability to interpret events and can only do it through your lens ( see Kegan and Lahey again on the socialized mind in Immunity to Change) then I have found in people who have low EQ but lots of empathy that the person who is seeking to be understood by you on a topic can feel frustrated by the way that you are very keen to share what happened to you as part of the meaning- making and it can drown out the original person. Or that the subjectivity factor completely limits the process, putting the process in or near the concern quadrant if this was a map.

4. Recap and name the emotions you hear as a question not as a statement. In my opinion this is very tied to points 1 and 2 and 3.

5. Use the “magic if” to walk in the other person’s shoes. For example: “If my dad had a stroke this week, would i be able to finish project x today?’.

Practice makes perfect! And imperfection is ok too, your efforts will be appreciated, I am sure.

If you would like to develop your leadership skillst, I would be happy to work with you as your executive coach. Contact me on 646 6882318 or nicki@theglasshammer.com for an exploratory chat

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Maintaining Credibility: How to Deal with People Who Try to Devalue You

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By Nicki Gilmour Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

What happens when someone tries to discredit your work or disqualify you as a contender for a job?

Not just in politics, but in the workplace too. It is hard to believe that we still have to talk about this matter, but its still lurking. Whether it is overt sexism, a micro-aggression or even worse, the impact on the person on the receiving end is real. In the societal context, women ( and other minorities) are not believed and the benefit of the doubt usually goes to the perpetrator due to their status and biological sex/race/orientation (i.e. legacy dominant position that people do not like to challenge their implicit authority). In a work context, it means less pay, lost promotions and general unnecessary emotional stress. This is the stuff that causes a drag on individual/ team and firm performance and no amount of words about diversity from the CEO or drinks in the women’s network will fix the heart of what diversity work is; power and who gets it to have it , keep it and be believed.

Often people with issues (this is the kindest version I can print) will try to discredit you as a person and they start with your social identity, which means your grouping characteristics such as which gender you are, which ethnicity you are, and which orientation you are. Even if you personally don’t feel massive affiliation to these categories because it can be a shock to people with no intersectionality that you too could be just trying to live your life as a human and do your work without considering yourself (insert what you are here: a woman/black/gay etc).

Remember, it is often about you according to them and their stereotypical notions of who you are and absolutely nothing to do with who you actually are and what you are actually capable of. Equally, the people who i am referring to who feel like they are a threatened species, often benefit from their sex, skin color via positive stereotyping ( someone once said, its not a glass ceiling, but a thick layer of men). It is worth noting that anyone can do it even if they are a woman themselves because internalized misogyny and desire to protect traditional power structures have never been so obvious than this moment in history. But, whatever other people’s paradigms are, remedial attitudes or baggage, it should not have to be at your expense.

Why is this career advice? It is something that you need to be aware of because unfortunately one day you might stumble up against a less than evolved individual who will directly or indirectly try to lessen your credibility or devalue your work based on nothing more than your social identity.

How this plays out is that they take a shot at you based on their perception of their superiority and appropriateness regarding legacy positions for women, people of color and LGBT people. For example, at a recent social gathering, a fellow who had previously said offhand comments about women at work and LGBT people, decided to directly spit out a challenge starting the question with “who?” when the who was very obvious so it was not actually a question, it was a micro-aggression against a gay family structure.

Furthermore, bias is regularly disguised as ‘values’ because if you look at how values are formed, it is easy to see that constructs come from past norms, socio-conditioning and current cultural messaging. What did their granny tell them when they were nine? Chances are, they are operating heavily on familiar programming completely unaware that they have inherited things that they might not even truly believe if examined.

So, what do you do if you find yourself facing a person who is intentionally trying to devalue you.

There are strategies to pursue and which road to take depends on three things:

1. The overall systemic environment.

Where is the whole group at regarding their own ability to honestly digest how individual behaviors impact ongoing norms and actual humans in the group? The denial levels for untoward behavior in the workplace or socially are reducing as we have seen this year with sexual harassment. But, overall the ability to deny wrongdoing on micro-aggressions are still high. Look at how tolerant of bad behavior is the manager of your team? What flies? What are the group norms?

This is workplace culture and crucial to your next move when bringing up what happened. Will you be believed? The worst thing is not being believed or being told your experience couldn’t be true or is somehow invalid. Will you be shushed as excuses from you are wrong /you misunderstood them fly from people who are supposed to listen to such things? (HR , leaders, mentors, friends). Take the temperature as your truth is your truth, but group theory (Bion) suggests the group will protect the legacy structures, unless there are reasons not to.

2. The standing of the individual and their power based on them as an individual but also the power and authority assigned to them due to their social identity which adds benefit of the doubt privilege. Extreme cases are Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby- they thought they were untouchable due to the social currency. But, everyday bias and derogatory stuff is what we are talking about here, so relay the transgression to people who have mental complexity and can hold two conflicting realities in their head at the same time. That is to say, they can experience that this guy is great with them but bad to you as simultaneously true versions of reality and use their one subjective personal data point as an objective truth.

If no mental complexity is there ( as defined by Kegan, the Harvard development psychologist by the way, not just being rude here in saying they are not advanced), you will risk the high denial element again as these folks might have high IQ and make lots of money but are completely remedial on EQ, SQ and connecting the dots and you might as well be arguing with a small child.

This can be a depressing piece of work as there are many people who are capable but just have never had to do any real joining of cognitive, emotional and psychological processes because they can just stay in their ignorance as they have had no direct experience of what it means to be in the non dominant group and intersectionality doesn’t touch them. Also congruence is comfortable for everyone so its not their fault how they got there but it is their responsibility to figure out how to develop knowing that the world is full of many different types of people who historically didn’t have any power – see Kegan and Lahey again on the socialized mind in Immunity to Change. There are still so many men and women who cant help but protect the status quo for so many reasons. If you want to see this in action, participate in a contained social experiment- go to an AK Rice Group Relations conference on Power and Authority!

3. The third factor is your personality? Are you a confronter or a keep the peace person? You need to know your own comfort zones and abilities and what you are going to be able to take emotionally as revealing bad people can take strength, energy and there are stakes at play sometimes ( the bully/bigot knows that the stakes are low or them and high for you).

So, once you know the above, you can work out what the best course of action is. Sometimes it is about doing something and sometimes is it is not.

For extra reading, I recommend Leaders Guide to Leveraging Diversity Capabilities or leave this book on your boss’s desk to prime the pump for people who want to make things better so you build a cultural coalition of people who know how to deal with everyday problem children at work. I quote Maya Angelou in high regard, because “when you know better, you do better.”

If you are dealing with difficult people or a culture that has systemic diversity issues in it, I would be happy to work with you as your executive coach. Contact me on 646 6882318 or nicki@theglasshammer.com for an exploratory chat.

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What to Do When the Goal Posts Move at Work

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Recently, Fast Company published an article on unclear goals and what to do with the boss’s instructions are lacking or confusing.

As a coach, organizational psychologist, there is a piece of advice I offer everyday to my clients and it is something my own mentor told me many years ago. What is this sage wisdom? Never take a job where your responsibilities and your authority to execute (resources, power, ability) don’t align. Literally, do not accept the role of protecting the free world, if you can have the big red button to press if you need it. This analogy feels much more edgy these days than when I used to say it, which in itself is a reflective moment on whether we need a new analogy. Words matter!

So, say you take a job that you thought you were given the ability to execute on but it turns out that other people hold the resource, or the tools or the actual sign off? What do you do? You are already in the seat and the goal posts feel like they are a moving target!

It is key to explore your options and understand their potential future payoffs and consequences.

This is where good coaches can really help you.

I look forward to hearing from you since matrix organizations, company dysfunction etc means this is often much more common than we would like to believe.

Book an exploratory coaching call with Nicki here: https://calendly.com/nickigilmour/evolved-people-exploratory

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Being LGBTA at Work – Out and Awesome

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

“People are strange when you’re a stranger” or so croons Jim Morrison from The Doors. Being different from the historical majority group still has its challenges, and being LGBT in a world of heteronormativity, no matter how cool people are, can make you feel “other” or outside the core group.

So, how do you navigate the challenges of coming out again and again ( that’s right people, it isn’t a one shot deal!). Here are 3 tips to being out and awesome.

1. Know yourself.

Like everyone else, your preference is just that, its not your actual personality, although both are intrinsic and therefore everyone else should understand that words like choice and lifestyle are not accurate. If you are shy naturally, only work within your comfort zone of who you tell and when. Trust in this area, like other areas is built over time. Equally if you are an extrovert and want to wave a flag, do it! Much of this also depends on where you are at with your own journey, don’t feel rushed one way or the other to express yourself.

2. Know your audience.

Fact; the world is divided into people who have thought about their own mental models and those who just take on whatever stuff their father/granny told them and are still living with values that Sophia from the Golden Girls would be proud of when she says “picture this, Sicily 1923”. Kegan and Lahey- Harvard developmental psychologists write about this subjective lens to life approach in “Immunity to Change” (this book changed my life if you all haven’t noticed how much I reference it). You don’t have to tell people who are just too cognitively/emotionally limited to understand anything outside their own direct experience, or you can choose to. Up to you.

3. Authenticity pays off.

Studies show that hiding can damage your career as it takes massive effort to change pronouns etc. Just be you, as there are so many people who will love you for you. On that note, Allies come out and vocalize your support for anyone who needs it.

Sponsor your LGBT network as an ally, get involved !

We just do not have to tolerate dinosaurs anymore. The revolution will be televised!

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Be a Better Champion for Women, LGBT and People of Color (Even if You Are a Woman)

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

In Ireland, we have an expression that says, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”.

Although this probably comes from some ancient religious threat, it reminds me of diversity and the work that needs to be done by all people.

Most people have good intentions but without action, the status quo prevails. It is not a well kept secret that historical behaviors, norms and laws have not exactly favored women, people of color or LGBT people, so inaction is a form of collusion.

The quote from Edmund Burke, “ The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing,” is a good one for equality. If we do nothing, while other people are endorsing racism, messaging misogyny as a norm and creating homophobic laws as is happening right now in the USA, it is going to be a race to the bottom.

Of course, if you feel that you are not a “bad person” as most of us do, that doesn’t let us off the hook with what we do and don’t do for equality in our circles. This work starts with real awareness of how there are many versions of life out there and that one’s subjective lens is just that. Subconsciously the brain assigns value to everything. A better than and worse than frame from tea and coffee to straight and gay “lifestyles” (Yachting is a lifestyle, not being LGBT.)

Social scientists and neuroscientists finally agree that unless you override your brain, biases will kick in based on what assumptions were built from messaging over time. Kegan and Lahey do a great job talking about this in their book ‘Immunity to Change’, pointing out that the socialized mind can only work with subjective truths while the goal of seeing through your lens while also examining your lens will free you. To see the glass as not half empty or half full will take you to a place of knowing it is just a glass while understanding others are limited to the binary is very valuable.

So, if you want to be a good ally or champion to others even if you are a woman, LGBT or a person of color, start with a hard look at your thoughts, your paradigms and how this comes out of your mouth as words. Your actions have a chance of changing if you know how they are formed because behaviors come from beliefs. Your audio and your visuals need to match or simply put, people won’t know whether you are proactive in making progress happen or if you are a fan of status quo, or worse and we all know what worse looks like as 2018 is the year of explicit examples.

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Time to look for a new job

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

So you figured out that you need a new job!

There are many ways to start a job search yet sometimes it can seem so daunting to start the process.

There are general strategies to job hunting, such as if you know vaguely the target companies that you would like to interview with then start investigating the opportunities there. LinkedIn is a great way to see if you know anyone directly or indirectly at your preferred firms and a good place to start is to mine your current network to build your future one. Apply to job postings but know that any personal connection will probably help you so it is worth checking your network and refreshing your relationships with coffees and lunch with influencers and mentors.

What people don’t tell you is that what you will want to do in the hunt matters. What you tell yourself and your own perceptions of yourself will also matter as does your confidence and level of extroversion.

If you don’t know what is next, it is worth working with a coach ( such as myself and the vetted coaches who partner with theglasshammer) to help you refine what is the next stage of your career and help you secure the job you want, whether it is within your current industry or perhaps a pivot into something new altogether?

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com is you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work.

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Doing the work of others

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By Nicki Gilmour, Organizational Psychologist and Executive Coach

What are you recognized and rewarded for?

How does what you are supposed to be doing and get paid for, stack up against the other stuff that just creeps in? Task creep as its known happens to most of us, but in excess it can stop you from optimally performing,make you tired and stop you from getting to your real work.

Think about what your job is supposed to be as defined by your boss, your year end review criteria and the job spec and then think all the other things that happen 9-5 beside the official stuff. Be a team player by all means but learn to recognize systemic dysfunction.

Make a list of what you do every day for a period of a week to see what is officially within your remit and what creeps in there. It might be illuminating to see how you are paid for driving the train but also at times asked to lay the track, clean the engine etc which is time consuming and often not conducive to your time management or skill set.

Contact nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com is you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work.

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