Tag Archive for: LGBTQ ally

Kelly Odenheimer: Vice President, Global Customer Care, ETS

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Kelly Odenheimer“For me, it’s all about the connections,” says Kelly Odenheimer. “Whether it’s connecting with customers, employees, or colleagues, helping people and building those relationships are what drive me.”

Odenheimer is a leader who believes that true success and fulfillment come from more than just professional milestones. She shares how cultivating deep connections, embracing difficult conversations with confidence, and offering genuine support are the cornerstones of her approach to making a meaningful impact in both her career and personal life.

Driven by Connection

With a thirty-year tenure at ETS, Odenheimer emphasizes the importance of finding meaningful connections in her work as the key to a successful and fulfilling career. From her beginnings as a temp reconciling bubble answer sheets to working in executive communications, marketing and sales, Odenheimer consistently sought to understand how her role contributed to helping others. Now as the head of ETS’ global customer care team, she continues to prioritize the impact of her work, striving to ensure that every interaction adds value and supports the success of both her team and the customers they serve.

“In my current role, I work with organizations in the US and India, fostering global connections with people who are all working towards the same goal. My focus is on aligning teams, getting everyone on the same page, and motivating them to achieve our shared objectives.”

Odenheimer highlights kindness and a willingness to listen as integral to building those connections.

“Sometimes we forget as we climb the corporate ladder the importance of listening. While we may feel compelled to speak up in meetings to maintain our presence or appear to provide value, there is so much more benefit in listening.”

A leader who prioritizes listening and seeks to offer help first not only builds strong relationships but also fosters a shared sense of unity and collaboration.

“I always say, ‘I can’t do it all, but I can give it my all.’ That’s why it’s crucial for me to engage the right people and build relationships rooted in kindness and authenticity, so they feel inspired to give it their all too.”

Global Leadership is About Transparency and Trust

As a leader in a global role, Odenheimer emphasizes building a foundation of mutual respect, transparency, and trust, to collaborate across cultures and time zones. In working with her team in India and managing the nine and a half-hour time difference, Odenheimer notes, “I start early so they don’t have to stay late.” She also points to the importance of making the effort to travel and meet the team in person.

“You cannot operate as a global leader if you’ve never been to the places where the people you have supporting you live and work. You will never make the connection you need to make that will allow everyone to be successful.”

Odenheimer notes that traveling to meet global teams in person also gives her the opportunity to understand the cultural differences in what motivates a team in India versus a team in the US.

“I can’t expect to fully understand what motivates people in Hyderabad or Kolkata while sitting in New Jersey. I need to follow their lead and trust their insights, just as they trust me. And I genuinely enjoy it—now, when I visit, we hold rewards and recognition ceremonies, which are deeply valued in their culture.”

Knowing how much recognition is culturally meaningful to the team in India, Odenheimer makes a monthly habit of sending thank you emails to people identified as going above and beyond. She shares how this seemingly small gesture can have a profound impact, as she’s been greeted with hugs from team members there, expressing heartfelt gratitude for a simple note she sent months earlier.

Mentorship with Perspective

For Odenheimer, mentorship is another element of leadership that aligns with her deep commitment to building relationships and empowering others. As a mentor of staff in ETS’s mentorship program, Odenheimer finds that mentorship goes beyond just offering advice; it’s about forging genuine connections and understanding the unique perspectives of those she mentors.

“Mentorship isn’t a one-size-fits-all activity,” she explains. “Each person brings their own strengths and weaknesses, and my role is to help them recognize these qualities, understand their implications, and consider alternative approaches without compromising their authenticity.”

Odenheimer is also involved in diversity, equity, and inclusion programs and is a co-executive sponsor of the LGBTQ+ group, which is important to her as the mother of a transgender child. Outside of work, she volunteered to coach her (at the time) daughter’s lacrosse team when she realized that there were no female lacrosse coaches for this team on the sidelines. As she recalls, “it was so important for me that those girls saw a woman step up and do something that only a man had done before and for my child to feel supported.” In all these experiences she has seen firsthand how providing a listening ear, being present, and showing up to offer support can make a meaningful difference.

“The essence of mentorship is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes—truly seeing the world from their perspective—so you can guide them more effectively. Whether in a professional setting or coaching a lacrosse team, it’s never about you; it’s about helping others navigate their paths by understanding where they are coming from.”

The Hard Conversations are Worth it

In addition to her passion for fostering connections, Odenheimer believes effective leadership involves embracing the hard conversations and confidently using one’s voice to drive change. Odenheimer reflects on how these values were ingrained in her from an early age; as the eldest of three siblings, she often found herself in the position of initiating difficult discussions.

“I was always the one who had to have the hard conversations,” she recalls. “It taught me very early on the importance of being authentic and transparent in order to see positive change.”

This early experience shaped her approach as a leader, where she emphasizes the necessity of having tough conversations in the boardroom.

“If we grow up shying away from hard conversations, it’s hard to suddenly start having them,” she notes. “But if you’re able to practice it your whole life, it makes it a little easier to walk into those rooms with a confident voice.”

For Odenheimer, using her voice has been key to her personal and professional growth. “Finding my voice to ask for more for myself—whether it’s more responsibility, a different title, or more opportunity—has been crucial. I took ownership of the path I went on, and I did that with my actions and my voice.” She believes that this is how people find true success, not just by climbing the corporate ladder, but by achieving satisfaction in life.

“The most pivotal moments,” she reflects, “are probably when I realized my voice could be heard. You keep speaking and someone will listen.”

Balancing Family and Personal Fulfillment

Odenheimer’s dedication to building connections and offering support is just as evident in her personal life as it is in her professional one. She shares, “supporting and experiencing things with my kids is what I value most. Whether it’s the journey I’ve gone on with my oldest and him finding his true self to helping my younger son figure out what college he wants to go to, supporting and being with my family has always been extremely important to me.”

As both her children played competitive travel lacrosse, Odenheimer spent every weekend throughout the summer traveling to games and cheering from the sidelines. Now that she is facing an empty nest with her youngest on his way to college, she is beginning to explore what else she might find fulfilling, including learning how to crochet.

“I am thrilled to find out what brings me peace, joy, and excitement in this next part of my journey.”

By Jessica Robaire

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Elyssa McMullen: Managing Director, Head of Credit Tenant Lease Financing, PGIM Private Capital

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Elyssa McMullen“Having confidence and the ability to bring your true self to work gives you the space to ask for help, engage with others, network and live the life you will enjoy living,” says Elyssa McMullen.

Leading with conviction and passion, McMullen exemplifies how bringing your authentic self to work can create meaningful connections and drive success. As an LGBTQ+ ally and the daughter of a gay man who did not come out until much later in life, she also acknowledges the challenges some face in feeling free to fully express themselves at work or elsewhere.

“My father lived most of his life unable to be his authentic self, knowing he was gay as a teen. Today, I feel we’ve made such strides as a society, encouraging people to be their true selves and celebrating it, which I encourage my kids to do.”

McMullen reflects on how being confident in expressing herself and fostering an environment where others can do the same has helped her build a successful career and a supportive community.

Finding a natural fit

After more than 25 years in the financial industry, McMullen is certain she found a role that suits her well. However, like many leaders, she reached this point in her career through the process of exploration and adjustment, which she did by identifying areas of personal development and prioritized growth in those areas by putting herself in situations to improve in those dimensions.

Recognizing her strong math skills, and with encouragement from her family, she initially pursued engineering at Virginia Tech but quickly realized she chose a major that others thought she should be doing – not a major that felt right to her – so, she trusted her instincts and switched to finance. Since graduating and joining PGIM, McMullen has steadily climbed the ranks, advancing from associate analyst to her current role as managing director, where she leads the Credit Tenant Lease Financing team. In this role, she is responsible for managing a team that sources, structures and manages credit tenant lease transactions globally.

She reflects, “Once you find something that’s a natural fit, what you do day in and day out doesn’t feel difficult. That intersection of finding where your skills are with something that’s interesting to you makes work more enjoyable.”

Discovering a career that aligned with her natural abilities also ignited her passion and conviction.

“I’ve learned to make sure that you’re giving your energy to the right thing. Having conviction and passion and being able to moderate that with other perspectives and points of view is important and helps create balance on a team.”

McMullen feels fortunate to channel her enthusiasm and dedication within PGIM Private Capital, which enables her to embrace her entrepreneurial mindset. She is energized by exploring new ways to grow the business and providing opportunities for junior team members to contribute to that innovative way of thinking.

“I’ve had the opportunity to hire more people and create opportunities for others to help grow our business. It has been really exciting to foster the careers of junior talent and help them learn, develop their careers and achieve their goals.”

Inspiring others to find their confidence and voice

Early in her career, McMullen had the confidence to speak up and voice her opinion, but she acknowledges that her success also depended on having leaders who listened and took her seriously. Now, as a leader, she strives to do the same for others.

“As leaders, we must empower junior employees to speak their minds and give them a safe space to share their point of view. We have to value their perspectives, even if we disagree with them. It’s important to listen and create this platform for our team.” She emphasizes, “The onus is on leaders to ensure that as they move into more senior roles, they don’t lose sight of the fresh perspectives that others around them have.”

PGIM Private Capital’s structure of small deal teams offers junior analysts the opportunity to learn and interact with senior leaders, gain experience and have agency in the process.

“In our meetings, I have the analysts on our team present transactions that they’re working on and their portfolio investments as a way of encouraging them to be vocal, gain confidence and demonstrate that their contributions to the team are seen, heard and matter.”

She continues, “I think it makes me a better investor, and us a better team, when everyone’s working on the same goal, has the same objective and is engaged in the process because they feel valued for their contributions.”

Giving to others…as a leader, mother and daughter

McMullen is equally as nurturing in her personal life as she is in her professional one. Not only is she the primary caregiver for her elderly father, but she is also the mother of two active teenagers and spends a lot of her time engaging in her children’s extracurricular activities and volunteering.

“I try to instill the idea of giving back to our community in my children by encouraging them to volunteer in work that aligns with their interests,” she says. For her daughter who loves to play soccer, this means volunteering with a group that pairs soccer buddies with kids who have disabilities. For her son, it has been volunteering through Boy Scouts and temple initiatives.

Creating a community of support

While McMullen knows how important it is to serve as a support system for others, she also recognizes the importance of having a strong support system to tap into for herself as well.

“Building communities around you are key to your success – these are the people that you rely and depend on. Having this network – the colleagues, friends, family, and for me, mothers in my community – has helped me thrive in my personal and professional life.”

Once she became a mother, working to create that community of support helped her become better at reaching out and developing a network in the workplace. McMullen is looking forward to further building those relationships as a program leader at an upcoming industry conference. “It’s wonderful that there is organizational support around fostering community and those professional connections,” she says.

Another community that McMullen taps into is her running group, which she not only uses to stay active, but for the social and emotional outlet as well. Her group of friends hit the pavement – rain or shine to train for races – and have even done a couple marathons together. When creating networks of support, both in and outside the office, McMullen admits that there is no magic when it comes to managing her time and energy. For her, it’s about adapting to the needs of the moment and keeping what is truly important top of mind.

“It’s important to prioritize and be present for your kids when it matters, while also being there for your team and colleagues who need you. Managing these responsibilities looks different every day and won’t always feel balanced or eliminate guilt. But, having clear objectives and striving towards them helps you feel like you’re moving in the right direction.”

By Jessica Robaire

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Beyond Pride Month: LGBTQ+ Inclusion Is About Every Single Day

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LGBTQ+ InclusionLGBTQ+ is a form of invisible diversity that is both growing and significantly changing, especially among younger generations. Yet, many LGBTQ+ employees continue to report a lack of real inclusion and safety in the workplace.

During Pride Month, let’s remember why valuing LGBTQ+ employees is not just about a month of celebration, adapted logos and rainbow flags – but about a deep commitment to building LGBTQ+ inclusive and safe workplaces that allow all individuals to contribute and thrive every single day.

Underrepresentation for LGBTQ+ From Entry to Leadership

According to Gallup in 2021, 7.1% of the U.S. identifies as LGBTQ+ (doubling since 2012) and 21% of Gen Z do (twice the proportion of millennials). LGBTQ+ identification is increasing across major racial and ethnic groups – giving rise to more diverse, intersectional identities.

Yet under-representation in the workplace for LGBTQ+ groups begins at entry level. McKinsey found that LGBTQ+ women are underrepresented by more than half, even at entry level. Meanwhile at the top, only .5% of the board seats in the Fortune 500 are held by openly LGBTQ+ directors and only a few Fortune 500 CEOs are openly gay, including one woman. One transgender woman leads a Fortune 1000 company. The lack of visible LGBTQ+ executive leadership limits visible role models for younger talent.

LGBTQ+ men (80%) are more likely to be out than LGBTQ+ women (58%). Senior LGBTQ+ leaders (80%) are more out than junior employees (32%), even though their peers are more accepting and demand inclusivity in the workplace.

Globally, the World Economic Forum is advocating for LGBTQ+ visibilty: more LGBTQ+ representation in business and media that tells more diverse and inclusive stories of LGBTQ+ individuals, to advance both equality and acceptance. LGBTQ+ community members report feeling least authentically represented in media depictions. And while 63% of non-LGBTQ+ people perceive the “community” as one collective group with similar needs, the reality of a changing LGBTQ+ culture has never been further away.

While LGBTQ+ acceptance has grown globally since 1981, an unprecedented number of anti-LGBTQ+ bills are proposed in U.S. state legislatures, 71 countries still criminalize consensual same-sex sexual activity, 15 countries criminalize the gender identity and/or expression of transgender people and 11 countries deem consensual same-sex relations punishable by death.

LGBTQ+ Experiences In the Workplace

A LinkedIn survey of LBGTQ professionals found 24% were not open about their identity at work and 26% feared they’d be treated differently by coworkers, echoing McKinsey’s findings that one in four LGBTQ+ employees are not out at work.

McKinsey research found that half of out LGBTQ+ individuals have to come out at least once a week: especially challenging for women, junior employees, and people outside Europe and North America. BCG found 40% of U.S. LGBTQ employees are closeted at work and that 75% have experienced negative day-to-day workplace interactions related to their identity.

Yet being out has helped many to access more of their potential. According to LinkedIn, LGBTQ+ individuals report being open at work helps them connect with others for support and build better relationships. According to McKinsey, individuals experience greater well-being and are more able to focus on work. Those who are out are far less likely to plan to leave their current employer. But in absence of strong cultures of inclusion, many are deterred or facing headwinds.

According to CIPD research on LGBTQ+ inclusion, LGB+ employees (40%) and trans employees (55%) experience more workplace conflict and harassment than heterosexual employees (29%) and feel less psychological safety. LinkedIn found 31% reported facing discrimination or microaggressions at work.

Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law also found that nearly half (46%) of LGBT workers have experienced unfair treatment at work, such as harassment, dismissal or hiring discrimination based on their LGBT status. Nearly one-fourth have experienced discrimination when applying for jobs, and even more so for transgender workers.

67% of LGBT workers have heard slurs, jokes and negative comments about LGBT people. Half are not out to their supervisors. While 40% of LGBT cis-gender employees are likely to adopt behaviors to “cover,” nearly 60% of transgender employees are. Trans individuals are twice as likely to hear sexist jokes about people of their gender, three times more likely to feel they can’t talk about life outside of work, and think more often about leaving.

When it comes to advancing, McKinsey reports that many LGBTQ+ employees believe they have to outperform non-LGBTQ+ colleagues to gain recognition and 40% of LGBTQ+ women feel they need to provide extra evidence of their competence. Compared to 2/3 of non-LGBTQ+ employees, only half of LGBTQ+ respondents saw people like themselves in management positions at their organizations. Less than 1 in 4 of have an LGBTQ+ sponsor, even though senior LGBTQ+ leaders are twice as likely as straight and cis-gender peers to credit sponsors for their own career growth.

LGBTQ+ employees earn 90% on every $1 and transgender employees make 32% less per year than their cisgender peers. 1 in 3 LGBTQ+ U.S. employees feel discrimination has impacted their promotion or salary levels.

And a study published in the Journal of Business and Psychology found that leaders with same-sex sexual orientation are perceived to be less effective and receive less follower conformity than heterosexual leaders, regardless of gender presentation or biological gender, especially among male followers (women followers were more supportive). The researchers note that extra care must be taken to ensure same-sex sexual orientation leaders are evaluated fairly in performance reviews.

The Remote Workplace Has Mixed Impacts on LGBTQ+ Inclusion

In a global study, McKinsey found that LGBTQ+ employees in the remote workplace were 1.4 times more likely (twice as likely in Asia) than straight and cis-gender peers to report acute challenges with workload increase and fair performance reviews. They struggled more from a loss of workplace connectivity and belonging. Two of three LGBTQ+ employees reported acute or moderate challenges with mental health. Additionally, a survey of remote workers in tech reported that online harassment and hostility went up for LGBTQ workers during the pandemic.

McKinsey researchers noted: “The allyship found in social and work settings is an important source of belonging among many in the LBGTQ+ community.”

On the other hand, some LGBTQ+ employees found remote work to be a ‘game changer for inclusion.’ With remote work, employees can remain in a place where they have a supportive community and work for an employer in a different location. Some find the remote office reduces the pressure of office interactions and helps avoid appearance-based comments. It also makes it straight-forward to introduce pronouns.

The Cost for Lacking LGBTQ+ Inclusion

It’s been estimated that the US economy could save $9 billion annually if organizations had more effective inclusion policies for LGBTQ+ employees.

A recent argument in Forbes demonstrated that a lack of LGBTQ+ inclusion is costing companies. If an LGBTQ+ employee – either out or closeted – spends even 15 minutes of their day either explaining or evading uncomfortable situations related to their identity, it amounts to 65 hours a year, or over $1500 per LGBTQ+ employee based on median income, to compensate for a workplace that isn’t LGBTQ+ inclusive: which sums to a quarter million for a company with 10,000 employees or $2 billion for U.S. employers, annually.

“Add it all up, and employers are wasting a huge amount of money by not creating spaces where LGBTQ+ folks can bring their whole selves to work, do their jobs and be successful,” writes Michael Bach.

Meanwhile, many studies confirm that when employees are within a genuinely inclusive organizational culture, it benefits individuals, teams, organizations and the bottom line.

LGBTQ+ Inclusion Is a Cultural Commitment

While Pride Month is a celebration that lasts for a month, a LGBTQ+ employee needs to feel included – and protected from homophobia and transphobia – every day, and regardless if they choose to share their identity in the workplace. Because LGBTQ+ individuals are less visible than other underrepresented groups, organizations must go the extra mile.

Inclusion is not performative but about mitigating biases, creating authentic belonging, valuing LGBTQ+ voices and providing equal opportunity to contribute and fulfill potential. When it comes to LGBTQ+ inclusion, dedicated corporations advocate for legislative change and oppose legislative discrimination.

At a DEI commitment level, LGBTQ+ inclusion must be a specific priority and companies must seek to understand how individuals who are LGBTQ+ experience the office differently to other groups. It means visible leadership commitment to inclusion and leadership representation, and activating sponsorship of LGBTQ+ talent.

At an advocacy level, it means leveraging the corporate voice to oppose discriminatory legislation that targets the LGBTQ+ community and even leading the charge as powerful allies on LGBTQ+ rights.

At a policy and processes level, inclusion means making sure policies are LGBTQ+ inclusive such as domestic-partner benefit and trans-inclusive healthcare coverage as well as clear about non-discrimination on gender, gender identity, and sexual orientation regardless of whether employees are “out”; mitigating assumptions and bias in hiring, reviews, pay and promotions; adapting technological interfaces to be inclusive (such as freedom to input chosen names in data fields); providing gender-neutral restrooms; and protecting employees from bullying whether in-office or online.

At the level of everyday cultural interactions, it means cultivating compassion and awareness among employees; using inclusive and gender-neutral language in the workplace; actively encouraging allyship, empowering better allyship and making allyship visible; investing in LGBTQ+ networks and rewarding contributions; setting aside safe spaces for voices to come forth; normalizing the adding of pronouns on LinkedIn and social media profiles; recognizing that identifies are fluent and complex and letting people tell you how they identify on their terms; celebrating LGBTQ+ calendar events and days; and most of all creating a culture of learning, openness and psychological safety.

It’s the organizations and leaders that champion not a month, but a sustained and iterative commitment to LGBTQ+ inclusion, that will make a real difference to LGBTQ+ lives.

By Aimee Hansen

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5 Ways To Become a Better LGBTQ+ Ally

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LGBTQ+ allyBeing an LGBTQ+ ally is being an advocate for, and active participant in, building cultural inclusion.

According to Fast Company, “Allyship refers to everyday acts which challenge behavioral norms and support members of marginalized groups through an awareness of the issues being faced by others.”

A team of professors in Harvard Business Review view “allyship” as: “a strategic mechanism used by individuals to become collaborators, accomplices, and coconspirators who fight injustice and promote equity in the workplace through supportive personal relationships and public acts of sponsorship and advocacy. Allies endeavor to drive systemic improvements to workplace policies, practices, and culture.”

Here are five ways to be an accomplice in creating cultural inclusion:

1. Cultivate Awareness and Empathy.

A lot of advice for being a better ally focuses on self-education. But what is the objective of that? Cultivating awareness and empathy.

A prerequisite of support is cultivating awareness of realities and painful disadvantages that you do not have direct experience of: becoming aware of the bias and discrimination and understanding why it causes harm. The absence of having to experience that reality is what we call ‘privilege’.

Allyship requires a willingness to open your eyes and place yourself in another’s shoes as they tell you how that experience exists for them through their eyes.

In their March 2020 survey of 2,000 LGBTQ+ employees and 2,000 straight employees, in partnership with NYC LGBT Community Center, Boston Consulting Group (BCG) found an interesting insight.

Natural allyship is on the rise, because the separation between young LGBTQ people and their straight peers is more narrow. Compared to their older counterparts, straight employees under 35 are 1.6 times more likely to know LGBTQ colleagues, 3.6 times more likely to join ally programs and 3 times more likely to find value in colleagues being ‘out’.

The younger the employee group, the greater the awareness of discrimination. For example, only one-fourth of straight 55-64 year olds witnessed any discrimination in the past year, compared to 57% of their LGBTQ+ peers. But 85% of straight 18-24 year olds witnessed it, much closer to the 91% of LGBTQ+ who also did.

That change reflects a much smaller gap and increased sensitivity in the ability to see certain behaviors as harmful to certain groups, even if you do not belong to the group.

By expanding your exposure to the stories of others, whether through personal connection, documentaries, books or following LGBTQ+ leaders and media, you increase your awareness of the nuances of discrimination and build empathy. Start here: Are you aware of the common microaggressions that LGBTQ+ people experience?

2. Recognize Identity As Personally Defined and Fluid.

As theglasshammer covered recently, social identity is increasingly becoming more personal, intersectional, fluid and multiple. But more than anything, identity is increasingly self-identified. The myriad range of LGBTQ+ experiences are far from universal.

It’s important to realize that language matters, and not make assumptions about the identity or orientation of another person or about what that belonging means for them.

By allowing others to tell you about themselves through their voice, rather than make assumptions, you remain curious and allow others to find their authenticity. An inside-out connection that begins with the internal connection with self, and interacting with others and the world from the space of that inner truthfulness, is the basis of authenticity.

Being conscious of your own language helps to avoid making assumptions, such as using gender-neutral terms like ‘partner’. Honoring a person’s self-identity includes observing the personal pronouns that people choose for themselves and normalizing that choice.

Certain short-cut assumptions are well-conditioned in our brains, so it takes effort to not make those automatic leaps. But when it comes to another person’s life, it’s far more connective to show up by listening to them before you assert assumptions about who they are.

3. Embrace The Growth in Discomfort.

“Allyship is not knowing it all and never making mistakes. That’s impossible,” writes Freddy McConnell, host of Pride & Joy BBC podcast. “It’s putting in the effort and not expecting trophies.”

Allyship requires vulnerability, because you’re going to be clumsy at times. As McConnell writes: “When my friend came out to me as nonbinary, I practised their pronouns in private. Being trans does not imbue me with a special gift for unlearning familiar speech patterns.”

It’s not about getting it right or wrong, but about being open to learning. Before we challenge any unconscious bias, stereotypes or assumptions in the culture around us, we often foremost come to confront the existence of them within ourselves, even as part of the LGBTQ+ community.

Often the roots of rejection (of others and self-rejection) are shame-based beliefs and conditioning. Evolving involves unlearning that cultural conditioning, including the habit to shame ourselves if we get it wrong.

A willingness to be wrong, admit when you’re wrong, own your mistake and be receptive to guidance is what is valuable to a growth mindset and to keeping the focus on your intention of better allyship.

“Allyship is actually more about the mistakes than the things that you do right,” says human rights advocate Maybe Burke, who conducts allyship training on behalf of the Transgender Training Institute. “It’s about how you deal with those mistakes and move forward.”

4. Treat Ally as a Verb.

As suggested in a University College London (UCL) blog: “Think of ‘ally’ as an action rather than a label.” Being an ally is not about whether you consider yourself as an ally, but how you show up in support consistently.

In their research, BCG found that only 34% of straight employees always intervene when they see an encounter. As written in HBR: “When you witness discrimination, don’t approach the victim later to offer sympathy. Give him or her your support in the moment.”

Remaining silent is a comfortable form of passive collusion—it assures that heteronormative assumptions and microaggressions remain invisible, insidious and unchallenged within the fabric of an organizational culture, and puts the emotional burden on LGBTQ+ people to be the only ones calling out these behaviors. It also makes it more vulnerable for them to do so.

Are you willing to speak up when you hear something that feels wrong or discriminatory or does not sit well, inside of your heart? And will you be that voice in the room, even when the LGBTQ+ person may not be in it? Are you being an ally (verbing it) in the moment it’s called for?

5. Uplift LGBTQ+ Voices.

Ultimately, allyship embraces an interdependent lens: a culture is not really working for anybody if it’s not welcoming and nutritive for everybody. An organizational culture needs to be a win-win for all employees on all levels to be maximally effective.

That’s why performative allyship is dangerous—it comes from a place of ego protection, does not integrate win-win and keeps the focus on the appearance of allyship (the guise of doing good) rather than fundamentally being aligned to real organizational change for everyone’s good.

Performative allyship fears losing its position or does not really embrace the point.

Speaking up as an ally is not about speaking over, but raising everyone’s voice. Be willing to ask how you can support your LGBTQ+ colleagues in the way that is most meaningful for them.

While your voice will be needed as an ally, your success will be evidenced in the greater space for marginalized LGBTQ+ voices at the center, not the edges, of the organizational conversation—down to the small and casual daily interactions that form relationships and culture.

(If you are a leader who wants to develop your skills as an inclusive leader to leverage diversity and truly understand the topic as a strategic capability, work with Nicki Gilmour on this topic as she coaches male and female leaders and managers who are growing their skills and evolving their behaviors to lead the current and future top talent of their firms. For an exploratory call, please book a session here.)

By Aimee Hansen

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OP-ED: Be an LGBTQ Ally to Help Your Daughter or Son Come Out

By Katherine Dean, head of Family Dynamics, Wells Fargo Private Bank

Have you ever worried about a child?

Wondering what’s on their mind and whether they are doing OK? And how things are going with school and socially for them? Any parent, as well as grandparents, aunts, and uncles, would most likely answer “yes,” especially as a child becomes a young adult.

My husband and I certainly don’t have this whole parenting thing figured out. What we have stressed with our 10-year-old son and almost-15-year-old daughter is the importance of two-way communication. And we’ve been intentional in saying repeatedly, “We love you. There’s nothing you can tell us that will ever change that.”

Giving Our Daughter a Safe Outlet for Her Feelings

During our daughter Grace’s eighth-grade year, we started to pick up on small things that made us wonder if she was gay. We knew it wasn’t our place to ask; we needed to wait until she was ready and comfortable to tell us that she was LGBTQ, and to see if that was even the case.

We had just decided to connect her with a therapist so she would have a confidential outlet to share her feelings and thoughts with a neutral third party. This point of connection was about navigating life as a teen, entering high school, and dealing with new social situations. As I remember from my own teen years, it’s a tough transition!

Grace’s Coming-Out Story

I’ll never forget the day. I was at work when I received a text message from my daughter asking if she could talk to us later. We hit a “parenting stroke of luck.” This was a moment of parent PRIDE here as this was a signal we were doing something right!

That evening, we pulled up with her privately in her room and asked what she wanted to talk about. She struggled to say anything and kept trying to get her words out, but they wouldn’t come. We could tell this wasn’t easy for her, but we continued to encourage her to share. She finally asked if she could write it down.

She proceeded to write on a scrap of paper: “I AM GAY.” Instantly, we could see her relief in sharing this news. We immediately got up and hugged her long and hard. We talked about how much we loved her and how thrilled we were that she decided to tell us, and we asked if she needed us to do anything to support her.

Right away, she shared her one request. She asked if our entire family could march in the 2019 San Francisco Pride Parade. Already involved in PFLAG (an organization for family, friends, and allies of LGBTQ people), I made a call to get our family added to the parade roster.

Celebrating Pride as a Family

Our family of four, plus our daughter’s best friend, met up with PFLAG in San Francisco for the big day. Grace wore a Pride flag proudly as a cape, and the rest of us adorned ourselves with Pride gear ranging from flags to beads to hats.

When we arrived, we were greeted by amazing floats, crowds galore, and a very positive vibe. It was inspiring to be surrounded by the strength and beauty of so many.

As the parade started, our daughter, unplanned, decided to carry the PFLAG banner in the front of our group, along with a few other girls around the same age. Our son donned a massive head-to-toe sign across the front of his body that read: “I am a brother.” Moving forward, the emotion overtook me as the crowds cheered and clapped, leaving me teary-eyed and so appreciative of the LGBTQ community’s acceptance of its newest member.

I left that day incredibly full of PRIDE. I was grateful that my daughter trusted us to share her true self and that, as a family, we were able to experience this amazing moment together. I thank all those who came before her for your hard work. The next generation is loud and proud and will continue to carry that work forward, alongside with their families and friends.

Sharing my own experience

Believe it or not, I attribute much of our parenting success to my job. At Wells Fargo, I am grateful to be a part of the Family Dynamics team. We focus on helping families flourish beyond their finances — we help them build communication and trust, prepare future generations, and create shared family purpose.

In my role, I often engage with families having communication challenges. I’m not sure these families realize it, but when I help them, they help me. I strongly believe that we all learn from one another and that everyone has important perspectives to share. I’m proud to be able to give back by sharing my own personal experiences.

To My Daughter and to the LGBTQ Community:

I am a mother. I am a friend. I am your ally. I will always be there for you. You are loved.

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Voice of Experience: Noriko Umeki, Partner, PwC Japan

Noriko Umekiby Cathie Ericson

When reflecting on her career, Noriko Umeki wishes she had known earlier the importance of communication, as well as using personal marketing to further her endeavors.

“One day I realized that I wouldn’t be evaluated highly just because I was working on the job in front of me. People who get chances for better positions display a high level of interpersonal abilities so it’s important to expand your network both inside and outside the company by letting people know about you,” she says.

“Each one of us has to seize our opportunities, and in Japan, women are less aware about this concept unfortunately.” However, she adds, over the past years, there have been small but significant strides with the ratio of female managers gradually improving from 2% when she started her career to 12% in Japan.

Increasing Her Profile at PwC and in the Accountant Community

Umeki started her career at PwC as a Japanese Certified Public Accountant (JCPA) and has engaged in accounting services for the past 25 years, becoming a partner in 2009. Her experience in audit services includes both Japanese and foreign companies in the financial service, manufacturing and pharmaceutical industries.
As an ally, Umeki voluntarily became involved in Diversity & Inclusion activities for PwC Japan Group when she became a partner. In the past decade, she has expanded the firm’s D&I activities, improving D&I awareness and cultivating an inclusive culture at PwC Japan. She considers this an important achievement, given that the World Economic Forum has ranked Japan as 110th in the 2018 Gender Gap Report, highlighting that this issue is an ongoing challenge for Japanese companies.

To that end she has focused on producing female leaders, fostering female juniors and promoting support for LGBT+ members at PwC Japan.

In addition to her work with PwC, Umeki has assumed the post of director at Japan Institute of Certified Public Accountants (JICPA) this coming summer. “I am getting very excited to work on whatever I can do to contribute to development of JICPA,” she says. “The job of experts in accounting should be of social significance, and I would very much like to appeal to society so that young brilliant people will know the attractiveness of J-CPAs and be willing to join us.” And, she says, that will include encouraging young female accountants to join the industry, given that the percentage of female J-CPAs is still very low—at only around 20% in Japan.

An Appealing Career

Umeki believes it’s important for young female professionals to realize that they can successfully continue an accounting career through lots of life events.

“One of the attractions in this profession is that we are able to enhance our value through work and to differentiate ourselves from others since we are required to have a deep knowledge and wide experience,” Umeki says. She recommends that women seek their own leadership style and find the work/life balance that works for them.

Sometimes she sees Japanese women hesitating to take higher positions, yet she notices that many males are becoming increasingly supportive. “We females should change our own awareness and try anything when we are given the opportunity, finding the courage to take the next step,” she says.

Fostering a More Inclusive Culture

The biggest value Umeki has received in becoming an ally for the LGBT+ community is that her perspective has become much wider. “I remember being deeply shocked when I realized that I myself, as a woman, had been discriminating against other minorities unconsciously,” she says. “I was astonished to realize how many people are bound by old stereotypes and customs, but after becoming an ally, I have come to think more about the true nature of the situation. Putting myself in somebody’s shoes is very helpful in my career, as well as in my private life,” Umeki says.

She urges others to deepen their understanding about the LGBT+ community by attending related events or seminars, which will bring D&I issues to light and encourage personal action.

Among some of the advances that have been taken by PwC Japan Group to foster an inclusive culture are establishing an internal network for LGBT+ colleagues and allies. “When companies provide a safe environment, people are able to fulfill their potential to be their best since they will feel safe to be accepted as they are. “ And, Umeki notes, it can help companies attract and retain talented personnel.

She recommends that companies make a point to create that inclusive culture, but also to establish the same benefits for LGBT+ couples as for same-sex marriage, even though Japan does not yet have the necessary legal system.

Trying One New Thing Every Year

Since turning 40, Umeki has made a policy to try one new thing every year; among the new activities she has tried are fishing, yoga, boxing, calligraphy and golf, and she plans to use her accounting acumen to add activities that contribute to issues on women and society.

“I believe that it is never too late to start something when we are supposed to live for 100 years,” she notes.

And although she already cites her most important personal achievement as becoming partner at PwC while raising her two children without suspending her career, she says that from now on, she intends to pursue her career and private life in her own way. “I will enjoy life more,” she says.

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