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Name one person who enjoys having hard conversations, and you’ll likely come up null. In the workforce, complex decision-making and delivering bad news are enough to make your stomach drop. However, hard conversations are sometimes necessary — they could entail asking for a raise, apologizing after making a mistake or losing your cool and providing constructive criticism.

Corporate leaders and professionals face difficult decisions and conversations daily. The key is to check their emotions and express themselves in a way that remains neutral and makes them proud.

Why Are Hard Conversations and Decisions Challenging?

There are a few reasons many managers avoid hard conversations and decisions:

Guilt
Increased anxiety
Adverse reactions from both parties
Threats and retaliation
Potential conflict or disagreement

Leadership may be known for avoiding talking to employees about hard topics, whether it’s firing someone, demoting them, issuing blame, addressing low productivity or resolving office conflicts. In fact, more companies are ditching the nail-biting year-end reviews for regular touchpoints focusing on goal-setting and open dialogue just to temper negative emotions.

Yet, despite the possibility of all these behavioral outcomes, 54% of leaders have indicated that conflictual discussions spark team engagement and uncover potential growth areas. However, they must engage employees with respect, transparency and prime leadership skills to avoid damaging outcomes.

Gender differences in communication styles significantly impact reactions. Women typically approach conversations with compassion and rapport, while men often lean into facts and problem-solving. Regardless of one’s method, learning to strike a balance is crucial.

6 Strategies for Having Hard Conversations

Your approach to difficult discussions with people can make or break spirits and significantly impact workplace morale. A 2019 Gallup survey found that a mere 10.4% of employees remained engaged at work following negative feedback — another four out of five sought other employment.

Fortunately, honing in on your leadership skills and aiming for neutrality is the best way to decide on and deliver bad news. Here are six strategies that will help you master hard conversations.

1. Create a Planned Approach

Develop a list of bullet points you want to discuss during your meeting. Having the most essential topics in front of you will keep you on track. Just be sure not to write out a script, as conversations rarely go the way you’ve planned.

A well-thought-out approach to challenging discussions with employees or co-workers ensures greater authenticity and a free-flowing discourse.

2. Practice Empathy

Emotional contagion is an alignment of emotions — if a person smiles at someone, they’ll most likely trigger a smile in return. When approaching difficult conversations, empathy goes a long way. The receiver of bad news will take cues from facial expressions, prompting a particular reaction. Likewise, a response may stem from the voice or tone used during indirect communication, such as online or on the phone.

Research suggests that women have an easier time with emotional contagion than men. One study even found that female babies cried for longer when they heard another crying.

However, empathy doesn’t come easily to everyone — some people need to practice it. Demonstrating emotional contagion, whether through facial cues or tone, will help regulate the receiver’s reactions and result in positive communication.

3. Listen and Observe

An effective leader engages in active listening and open communication to reach a solution. That means you should focus more on the other person’s words during conversations.

These one-on-one meetings don’t need to feel like an attack. Ask open-ended questions and allow employees to share their take on a situation. For instance, if someone struggles to meet deadlines, have them explain their challenges, then repeat what they shared to show you understand — “To be clear, you’re saying that knowledge gaps require more time to go over directions than doing the actual work.”

The attention and respect you offer by listening to your employees may result in a more favorable outcome than you initially thought, such as providing additional training. It may also be that they’ve taken on more responsibility than one person can handle, which leaders can step in and help delegate.

4. Face the Hard Stuff Head-On

Some decisions and conversations may be uncomfortable, but being direct often results in more profound respect and better workplace relationships. Nothing will ever get done if you constantly avoid potential conflicts and avoidance could worsen personality clashes and negative behaviors.

People who avoid hard conversations might purposefully overlook problems, joke their way through confrontations, change the topic or bottle up their emotions until they explode. Many put off having conversations indefinitely.

A more direct approach — even if it’s something positive like negotiating a raise or promotion — should encourage back-and-forth communication — this style comes across as less threatening to both parties. It might also be best to give the receiver some times to cool down and reflect on the discussion before continuing.

5. Avoid Absorbing Negative Emotions

While an effective leader should have empathetic tendencies, injecting too much empathy into hard conversations could lead to you absorbing negative feelings — also known as emotional contagion.

It’s crucial to create separation between what you need to get across and how the person responds. You can expect pushback in some instances or meltdowns, but protecting yourself is essential.

Imagine putting up a shield to block negativity or envision yourself wearing armor — this helps build up your resilience to say what you need. The key to emotional neutrality is to stay grounded. Of course, if a hard conversation ends badly, withdrawing to a quiet place will help you regroup and regain composure.

6. Stay Positive

It’s easy to anticipate discourse going array and for someone to fly off the handle. However, not all hard conversations end badly, and addressing complicated topics can have several benefits. When you approach these discussions positively, they’re more likely to be constructive than disastrous.

Hard conversations done correctly could result in an employee that strives harder to meet deadlines, boosts productivity and collaboration, feels more engaged and better aligns themselves with the company’s mission. It could also improve employee attitudes and reduce conflict.

Complex decision-making and conversations will become second nature in time because you’ll expect positive changes and relationships.

Stay Neutral for More Positive Interactions

It’s possible that you’ll never particularly enjoy giving negative feedback and criticism. You may especially dislike letting someone go or engaging in uncomfortable discourse about diversity and inclusion. But as you’re aware, these conversations are crucial and may present the best outcome for the company.

Mia Barnes is a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in mental wellbeing and workplace wellness. Mia is also the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind magazine, an online women’s health publication.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

“In times of uncertainty, the focus has shifted from seeking answers to raising questions and building relationships to lead through the unknown,” expresses Danielle Arnone.

Arnone speaks to leading through disruption, the value of listening and encouragement and the importance of taking risks as the stakes rise.

Be Willing to Challenge, Even as Stakes Rise

“Each step along the way has offered me an opportunity to learn and develop my leadership style. From a career perspective, I continue to challenge myself to push ahead in order to grow,” says Arnone, about her twenty plus year of working in technology, digital and e-commerce across various industries – and most recently, in beauty, health and wellness.

With tech at the center of every business, her work is about leading enterprise change “from the inside out and the outside in.”

Early on in her career, she felt she brought a different perspective to problem solving and would regularly test the status quo. Often the only woman in the room, as she began to move up the ranks and the stakes rose, it began to feel riskier.

“It’s a double whammy. You’re challenging the status quo and you represent change in just who you are,” says Arnone. “I’ve had many moments where I had to remind myself – you’ve got to stick with it – because I believed in what I was fighting for.”

She continues: “I won’t say it’s not hard, because in my opinion, it’s unnecessarily hard for women in STEM and why we lose so many and particularly those with high potential. At a certain stage, I decided I didn’t want to be another of those women.”

Being in a male-dominated industry can amplify self-doubt, but being aware of that has often helped her to overcome it.

While many hurdles are systemic and the pace of change is very slow,” Arnone says, “I realized that I’m the only one that can get me unstuck and that is powerful.”

Navigating Uncertainty through Vision

Despite the challenges during these pandemic years, Arnone has focused on leading long term change. While the emphasis in tech has often been to develop the next innovation as quickly as possible, today she stops and asks at every critical decision point: “Where do we ultimately want to go? Not just in the next twelve months but what do we want to envision in five or ten years time? And are the things we’re focusing energy on now truly in service of that long-term goal?”

“The circumstances of the last two years have made me a different leader. I had to take a step back and ask: what did I do in this time? And take the necessary steps to hopefully be proud of the answer,” reflects Arnone.

If there’s one thing Arnone has confronted as she rose, it is getting comfortable with uncertainty. She’s found that by letting go of the notion that you need to have answers, you can come together with curiosity and openness as a team, and arrive at better results.

Speaking to vision and prioritization, she says, “You have to conserve energy to focus on what’s really important, knowing that can change in a moment’s notice.”

“I’ve had to get comfortable with ambiguity. We often don’t know the target or the rules of the game to hit the target,” says Arnone.

Listening and Fluidity in Thinking

“The leaders that I admire most have the ability to listen deeply and surface the question behind the question, without putting people on the defensive, and in a way that takes the conversation to the next stage,” says Arnone.

She feels that listening is key and that an analytical approach can be useful in managing conflict and problem solving. “In an emotionally charged situation, I will encourage the team to tease out the facts, take the personalities out of it and then listen for what is not being talked about.”

When it comes to what she brings to the table, Arnone is adept at absorbing new and broad ideas and loves encouraging the exchange of ideas around the table.

She also enjoys the invitation to step out of linear thought and indulge her penchant for abstract thinking, in which perceptions move and change shape, which is not unlike the leadership skill of having the flexibility to navigate uncertainty.

She will often step away from work to get in the zone so that she can reset and let ideas pour in. These days, she’s exploring artistic outlets. She also jokes that if you saw her many playlists, you wouldn’t even believe they belonged to same person.

Encouraging Others Towards Their Best

Arnone finds leaders who encourage others towards their personal best in service of a greater mission to be the most inspiring. She feels it is rare to encounter, but she has had the fortune to have supportive mentors along the way that have greatly impacted what she values most in her life and in her work.

“Encouragement can be an antidote to self-doubt and frustration. It’s as simple as saying, ‘I see you struggling – what’s going on and how can I help you’.”

She wants to be known for her work to develop people and is especially passionate about helping women succeed. She observes that women coming into the workforce today have a strong sense of what they expect from employers beyond a paycheck.

“I want to see this generation of women keep the momentum going. They are demanding more equity, more balanced and fulfilling lives and holding leaders accountable. To me, that is progress.”

By Aimee Hansen

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Neutral Thinking: The Key to Hard Conversations and Hard Decisions