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Lindsey Roy: Hallmark Cards, SVP Strategy & Brand & Motivational Speaker

Intrepid Women Series, People, Voices of Experience

“A couple of things are true for everyone. One, every person will experience hardship. It’s the human condition. Two, no one invites or wants or desires hardship. But three, the art of living is to find the space in between those two things.”

We talked to Lindsey Roy, SVP Strategy & Brand at Hallmark Cards. At 31, she was named vice-president at Hallmark, one of the youngest VPs in the 100+ year history of the company. Five years later, at 36 years old and with two young children, she was nearly killed in a boating accident and left with an amputated leg and severe limb injuries. In 2017, after years of recovery and adaptation, she delivered a TEDx Talk entitled “What Trauma Taught Me About Happiness.”

Then, at 44 years old, having already fully adapted to several major life changes with the support of her husband Aaron and two children, Roy was diagnosed with a rare and progressive disease that destroyed the blood vessels in her lungs, requiring a double lung transplant in the summer of 2022. The road to recovery started once again.

Across 24 years at Hallmark Cards, Roy has held 12 positions while raising two children, having two life-saving surgeries, adapting to life changes, and recalibrating her dreams. In her book, The Gift of Perspective, she shares “Wisdom I Gained From Losing a Leg and Two Lungs.” She seeks to build our collective wisdom of how to walk the challenges we each face while also lifting each other up. Her story has been featured in Forbes, Fast Company, O Magazine, and Working Mother.

On what to do when “why me” comes up in the midst of challenge:

“I have learned there is zero wisdom in asking, ‘Why me?’ It is a road to nowhere. It is a circular reference, infinitely looping. I have spent hours and cycles learning that. In my latest journey with my lungs, when that sentiment would come up, I would mindfully stop my brain from going there. If it would start to wonder there, I would make my brain stop mid-thought and actively think, I’m not even going to entertain the thought.

Others would also say to me, ‘I can’t believe you’re going through this. You’ve already been through so much. It’s not fair.’ But I wouldn’t entertain that. I would try to shut it down, and say, ‘Everybody goes through things. I just had the National Enquirer (sensational) version of problems. That doesn’t mean they’re harder. Problems are relative.’

I would redirect, because ‘why me?’ is simply the biggest waste of time. You’ll never solve it, so shut it down. I’m also a person of faith, so the question was also, ‘Why not me?’ How am I supposed to know how my life was supposed to be when only God knows that?”

On whether challenges shape us or reveal who we are:

“Both. I do believe that as humans, there’s a lot of ‘who we are’ that is already predetermined and pre-established from formative experiences. Those things often are latent, or even unknown, to ourselves, so there is an element of revelation: I might not have known I had those pieces. And that’s akin to the quote from Bob Marley: ‘You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.’ There’s a lot of truth to adversity revealing parts of yourself.

But, there is definitely also a shaping piece. I now know things that you cannot know because of my experiences. I truly do believe that’s the point of sharing – because you’re never going to know what I know and I’m never going to know what you know. That’s why my purpose is to share: it adds to our collective wisdom. How beautiful that we can each pick up a gem of wisdom from someone else’s path to help us each walk our own.”

On how being confronted with adversity has impacted upon her outlook:

“Honestly, there weren’t many circumstances in my life that had put me in the empathetic seat to feeling otherized. In many ways, I had traditional ‘pathing’ and a more privileged set of circumstances. Then, I was suddenly thrown into being a member of the disabled community, the sick mom at school events, the person missing at work due to a disability situation. All of the sudden, I was a member of a lot of new clubs. I was an amputee, for example. That is a club I never expected to be a member of. I never expected to have a handicap parking pass in my 30s.

Being thrown into this world made me realize a couple of things. One, I learned something about what it feels like to be a part of a community that is not the majority. It gave me a different window into that experience. Two, it made me realize that no matter how hard I try, I’m never going to fully understand the lived experience of someone who is in another category of otherized groups of people. I won’t claim to have a full understanding, but I have a different viewpoint than I would have had without these experiences.”

On how challenges are relative and only internally defined:

“People will start to say to me, ‘My hip is really hurting.’ And then they’ll stop and say, ‘I’m so sorry, that’s nothing compared to what you’ve dealt with.’ I hear this all the time: ‘I’ve got this challenge. No, wait, I shouldn’t even say this to you.’ Even though it’s well intended, I find serious flaw in that thinking. First of all, nobody wants to win the lottery for having the worst problems. Nobody wants to hear, ‘You win: your problems are worse.’

But even more importantly, challenge is so relative because it’s infinitely dimensional. No one knows what your support system is, what resilience you’ve had the opportunity to build or to not build, or what you value most in life. For instance, if someone loses their hair to chemotherapy, that might be much harder on somebody who’s always had beautiful hair as part of their identity versus someone who’s always hated their hair. No one knows how much you value that particular dimension of life. I could name a hundred of these frames, because it is all so relative. So don’t feel shameful about sharing something that’s hard for you. Don’t default to believing that someone else’s challenges are harder. Challenge is relative and depends on so many things. You just can’t compare, and it’s not healthy to do so: it’s another road to nowhere.

Here’s my own little example of not comparing: I always have finger pain because having an extreme version of Raynaud’s Syndrome is one of the common traits of my specific autoimmune disease. My fingers have been in pain on and off for over a decade, lacking the necessary blood flow to keep them warm and high-functioning. I will get skin ulcers on the tips of my fingers or lose part of a fingernail from time to time. You would assume annoyances in your fingers would pale in comparison to having half a leg or an incision across my entire chest from a lung transplant. But on many days, it’s actually been worse. I doubt many people would guess that pain comparison correctly. It just shows you cannot know about somebody else’s challenges. That’s why I find it helpful and connective to talk to other people about what we’ve collectively learned even though our challenges are very different. I heard a profound notion the other day: I may not know your specific pain, but I know pain. How very true for so many of us.”

On navigating hardship through acceptance and beyond:

“The first thing is to know that it’s inevitable that hardship will happen and second, you will despise it. Third, it’s about coming to acceptance. Acceptance is the bottom of the pyramid of dealing with hardship, and even getting to that point is a huge challenge.

Once you can accept and even embrace that a hardship ‘is what it is’ and it’s not going to change, you then have two choices: to either dwell in a negative cycle or to try to create something beneficial out of it. If you can arrive to those points of acceptance, and get your brain in a place where you can spin something good out of it, beautiful things can happen.

I’ve gone through this cycle two big times and many little times. I’ve learned so much about how to make those pathways a little shorter and a little easier that I want to share with others. By no means is it easy: it’s very difficult. But if you know the path, it makes walking it slightly easier. I’ve found doing so is much better than the alternative.”

On why perspective is “the most powerful untapped resource”:

“Here’s a visual metaphor for perspective. Imagine an amazing pool of fresh water that’s the perfect temperature for drinking. It’s a perfectly clear, beautiful mountain stream. We all thirst for that, but we only get to sample little teaspoons here and there. We don’t normally choose when we sample those, because we usually only sample perspective in reaction to other people’s trauma, struggles, and pain. So every once in a while, we’ll hear something that makes us taste that water and all of our surface level worries dissipate. Then we think, ‘Wow, that puts things in perspective.’

I’ve found this water is always available as a resource to us, but you have to choose to walk over, bring a cup and drink. You have to actively do things. For example, the metaphorical walking over is sitting and thinking, ‘this situation looks like a horrible situation, but there’s a thousand things that are going right’ or it looks like asking ‘how could this be worse?’ That’s picking up your cup and taking active steps towards that water. But if you’re the kind of person passively sitting back and waiting on someone to throw you a teaspoon or shower you with a couple of drops, you’re not ever going to really tap into the resource of perspective. It’s actively doing even these exercises that seem so mundane and so silly. But in practice, in the wake of hardship, that’s exactly where the magic happens. You just have to understand how to walk over to that amazing pool, time and time again.

It’s almost like someone saying, ‘You want to be healthier? Exercise and eat well.’ That may be the simplest advice in the world. But it’s very different to hear it than to do it. It’s the same with sustaining perspective.”

On the power of putting perspective into practice:

“I have so many visual, visceral memories of being alone in middle of the night in hospital bathrooms in my rawest, most lonely moments. And I would say aloud, ‘How could this be worse? What is going right?’ And I would make my brain answer the question, and it was so enlightening and powerful, but very simple. It’s very hard and humbling to do that in those raw, raw, raw moments. But it is about making yourself feel vulnerable and silly, and go through the process anyway.

I would come up with things that would buy me enough resource to make it through the night or next day. I would think things like, ‘What’s the worst thing that can happen here?’ Many of those answers could get pretty dark. But then I would say, ‘Okay, let’s think about how that would be.’ I would let myself go to those worst places and instead of fear them, I would walk in those rooms in my mind. Sometimes, I would just try to let go of the control I was trying to grasp and do the thing we proverbially say, ‘Give it to God.’ That helped me more than words can say.

In short, I’ve found that you have to continually work at shifting your perspective to keep your brain focused on anything but those enticing negativity traps. The more you can focus on creating neural pathways that are more positive in nature, the more you train your brain to get better at this type of thinking.

I think it’s also important to add that you don’t have to be perfectly positive every day. There have been countless days where I have wailed or banged my fists or struggled to get out of bed. That’s ok too. But you have to find a way to keep moving forward, and actively shifting how you see things is incredibly powerful in the midst of hardship.”

On overcoming resistance to practicing perspective:

“First of all I would invite any individual to introspectively ask: what stops you from actually exercising your perspective? One suspicion is that I think people feel dumb doing these very simple things because they do seem so mundane and unhelpful until you actually do it. I think some people dismiss that sheer thought of the power of doing this stuff, but it can only be experienced by doing it.

I’m guessing, too, that negativity bias can take over. It’s taken over in my life so many times. You have to hold off that negativity bias to even create the space to ask these silly questions. That negativity bias is an 800 pound gorilla. It will come at you. Your brain is so wired for that. Just having the fortitude to fight that off for five minutes is no small thing.”

On the strategy of “borrowing perspective” in hardship or everyday life:

“When you’re in the middle of hardship or facing a certain fear, you can try ‘borrowing perspective’ from anybody who has gone through a similar situation and arrived to the other side. From where the stand, you can borrow their perspective and say, ‘If they can do this, I can.’

For example, witnessing what Amy Purdy had overcome and achieved with her two prosthetic legs (from world champion para-snowboarder to Dancing With the Stars finalist) became a lifeline of inspiration after my boating accident. I could see beyond the moment I was in. But consider even the more common experience of having a baby. When I was pregnant for the first time, along with all the excitement, I had some fear of childbirth. But I would remind myself that billions of women have had babies throughout history. If so many women had done it before me, surely I could.

There’s also ‘borrowing perspective’ as a daily practice so you don’t slip into taking things for granted. This is harder. When you’re in hardship, you’re searching for coping mechanisms. But when you’re going about your daily life, and things are going well, we often just coast. In those coasting moments, borrowing perspective would be to pause and recognize things we often don’t give any thought to, such as, ‘Wow, I live in America today instead of a war torn country’ or ‘I was just able to walk into the baseball game with functioning legs and lungs.’

Right now, we’re talking about my hard stuff, but I have a million blessings. For example, I grew up in a home where my parents loved each other and offered me love unconditionally. I have a wonderful husband and two amazing kids. I’ve always loved my job. There are a million gifts that we take for granted simply because we haven’t had to experience the broken version of that experience.”

On why authenticity and vulnerability are essential to leadership:

“It’s a trap to believe there is a certain way we are supposed to be to be successful. For example, we equate leader mentality to an ‘early bird gets the worm’ mentality. I’m a night owl. My hours are more bartender than typical Corporate America. You’re supposed to wear heels. I can’t wear heels. You’re supposed to not talk too much about your kids. That’s the most important thing in my life!

The more you can just be who you are, the more powerful that is. Whatever it is that you have that’s different, it can be something that truly makes you unique, but you can’t be scared of it. You have to let that difference shine and that takes courage and vulnerability. Being vulnerable feels like being exposed, being naked, letting someone see that part of yourself that you don’t think you should show. But that’s where your authenticity will make others appreciate you even more and where you can find your special sauce to add value to any team or situation. It’s important to find the space where you’re comfortable and have that courage to bring in more of yourself.

For myself, I’ve always been the same person whether 10:00 at night or 10:00 in the morning at work. But I’ve learned it’s also about sharing the ugly parts of yourself in the right setting, in the right way: that’s where connection happens.

Being vulnerable is connective. When someone has been vulnerable with you, you trust them more. When you take the lead and show vulnerability, it engenders trust. I have seen this so many times, and most recently, after speaking in a manufacturing plant in Kansas City. Most of the audience were men and they were telling me the most beautiful, vulnerable things that had happened in their life, because I threw it all out there first.

Vulnerability is a flywheel. Somebody has to take the lead to get it moving.”

On letting who you truly are authentically guide your path:

“There’s this type A personality model we’ve pedestaled where you have the calendar, menu and schedule planned. To some degree, that behavior is necessary and awesome. If you’re authentically that kind of person, great. But it’s also okay if you’re not.

When I was starting, people used to give me the advice to map out my career. Later, they’d advise to do three years of this project or take this lateral move to gain an experience for promotion. I would secretly dismiss that advice, even as a young professional, because it was never my mentality to do those things. I would also borrow perspective by looking at others who’d never worked in that division, or sought out a masters degree, or whatever – and were doing great. Today, I don’t have a masters and I didn’t do jobs I hated. I was in an environment of great mentors: being in fertile soil helps.

No one set of advice works for everybody. You don’t have to take advice that you don’t want to take. There are things that will unfold for you that maybe no one else could have predicted. Let that happen. Just be you, let go a bit, and see what happens.

Everyone is going to give you advice. Even in medicine, I’ve learned that if you ask ten different people the same question, often you’re going to get two to ten different answers. Many questions don’t have a precise singular answer. Now, if you get ten out of ten same answers, maybe you should follow that advice. But if you get nine one way and one the other, then you get to weigh your decision with that in mind. I think there’s a lot of power in that. But it’s vulnerability inducing to even entertain those thoughts.”

On the power of being able to let go of the plan and embrace the now:

“When I was 20 years old, I thought the perfect age to get married would be 26, the perfect age to have a baby would be 28, and the perfect place to live would be X…none of those things happened. That movie did not play out. Now when I look back at my life, I didn’t know the perfect age to do this or the right way to do that.

People say ‘this is more than I ever imagined.’ That can absolutely be true, but it can only be true if you let go of your preconceived notion of how it should be and realize there is no perfect plan. There’s only what actually plays out and how you embrace that. But there’s so much value in letting go of what was and being okay with what is.

Also, it’s human nature to compare. But if you’re going to compare, don’t let your brain compare things to a state that you can’t control. You can’t control when you fall in love, when someone hires you, or the result of a physical accident. So do not let yourself compare to some preconceived notion or some past, because it is another circular reference to the path to nowhere. It’s fruitless and futile. You will never be able to get out of that hole.

Rather, what you can do is say that didn’t happen. This did happen. What can I attach myself to now? To use a metaphor, imagine you’re swimming down the river because you fell out of a boat. You might want to be back in that boat, but that’s not an option anymore. So you better grab a tree to hold onto. May you’ll find that tree is cool and beautiful, and you’re going to hang out there. But you can’t compare to things that you thought had to happen. I’ve failed many times, but the consciousness of this line of thinking is what’s important.”

On learning how to trust in and surrender to your unique life path:

“I’ve had to work really hard on growing my trust, and for me that means having faith. Of five brands of belief I have identified that have supported me, that’s the most important one. It’s so easy to say it, but very different to really open yourself up to that relationship where God is truly in control. For me, trusting really is letting go and realizing that there is a path I’m supposed to walk. I don’t get to pick that path, but I can find joy in walking it, no matter what it looks like to others.

Years ago, we had the traveling Titanic exhibit in Kansas City. When you walked in, you received a secret little envelope. At the end, you were told your fate based on math. Are you someone who drowned? Are you someone who survived? It was just based on the math of the event and the math of the people walking through.

God handed me this little secret envelope that I’ve only read 20% of or 40% of, or who knows, and I don’t get to change what’s in that envelope. But the more I embrace what’s in that envelope and realize that once again, I’m not in control, the better everything is. It’s believing deep down that whatever it is, it’s going to be okay, so give up the control. I’m constantly reminding myself to go back and find my center there. And when I do, it is the most freeing feeling ever.”

Interviewed by Aimee Hansen

December 4, 2023/by Aimee

Can Personal Setbacks Enhance Your Leadership? Turning Challenges Into Growth

Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!

When you’re going through a hard time in your personal life, you’re probably not thinking about how it might impact your career. It’s often hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’re dealing with a personal setback. But, going through such things can uniquely position you to excel in leadership roles – especially as a woman.

There’s no question that women in leadership roles often have to deal with unique, specific challenges. Being able to overcome those hurdles can help you foster enhanced leadership skills and empathy.

With that in mind, knowing how to connect personal setbacks to career growth can make a big difference in how you carry yourself in a professional setting, and how you move forward in a leadership position.

The Overlap Between Personal and Professional

Striking a healthy work-life balance is important for everyone. But, it can feel like walking a tightrope when you’re a woman in leadership. Unfortunately, gender bias still exists in many industries, and it can cause many women to feel guilty about spending too much time at home. You might rush to complete milestones at work, or feel a sense of competition. You might even feel guilt for taking the time to practice self-care.

It’s important to let go of that guilt. There’s a greater overlap between the things you learn at home and what you can use at work than you might think. For example, if your family has struggled with financial difficulties in the past, you can use the skills you learned from overcoming those issues to help your business manage its finances, too. Managing personal finance challenges can help with:

Fostering resilience
Being financially savvy
Strategic thinking
Decision-making abilities

When you have experience with financial setbacks, you’ll feel more comfortable and knowledgeable talking about them. That can help to break the taboo around money in an office setting, and allow for more transparency when it comes to your business’s financial situation. It can also help remind us that when we face challenges on a personal level, we gain spiritual wisdom that we can bring with us into the workplace too.

Mental Health Awareness

Over 40 million adults in the U.S. deal with anxiety. Millions more struggle with depression, and a variety of other mental health conditions. While the stigma surrounding mental health has lessened over the years, it can often still be found in the workplace. Some people are afraid to talk about their mental health issues, so they struggle in silence. Too many business settings don’t do enough to promote mental health and create a safe working environment that allows people to open up about their struggles.

When we normalize conversations concerning topics like anxiety, depression, and burnout in the workplace, we begin to see just how many people are affected — and we may even begin to see how these issues might be stemming from cultural and systemic factors, rather than personal ones. When you realize that some of these struggles are less about personal factors than you originally first perceived, you’ll naturally want to create mentally healthier work environments. All of this helps support professional workplaces that support personal health and wellbeing.

If you’ve dealt with mental health issues in the past – or you’re still dealing with them – you can use those issues to be a better leader and create a healthier workplace environment. It should come as no surprise that your job can actually have an impact on your mental well-being. Fostering a workplace that promotes mental health awareness can help with things like:

Employee productivity
Boosted morale
A sense of trust and safety for employees

When you’re in a leadership role, people will look to you for the “green light” when it comes to certain issues. If you’re willing to open up about your own mental health struggles, it will be easier for others to come forward and do the same. When word gets out that your work environment has completely slashed the taboo nature of mental health issues, it’s likely that you’ll increase employee retention while becoming a more desirable business for new hires.

The Importance of Empathy

Overcoming personal challenges can help to boost your emotional intelligence. Specifically, it can make you more empathetic. You might not think that’s an important skill to have, especially as a woman who wants to be taken seriously in the workforce. But, empathy goes a long way – especially in a leadership position. In fact, it’s one of the top leadership qualities, as vulnerable, empathetic leaders are better able to:

Be completely and entirely honest with themselves and others, even when it’s difficult.
Take creative risks and step outside of their comfort zones.
Embrace imperfection as an important part of learning and growing.

Leaders who have overcome mental health issues, themselves, are naturally more likely to be empathetic. Taking care of a family and dealing with the daily challenges and setbacks that arise from being a leader at home can also carry over into the workplace. Leaders who empathize aren’t showing weakness. Rather, they are able to identify the feelings of the people working for them. Not only does that help with self-awareness, but it makes them more thoughtful, conscientious, and confident in their decisions.

One example of empathy-as-a-strength can be shown in the form of cultural wealth — more specifically resistant capital. Resistant capital is “the inherited foundation and historical legacy of communities of color and marginalized groups in resisting inequality and pursuing equal rights.” This includes resisting stereotypes that you don’t identify with. If you’ve ever had to integrate from another culture, you understand how hard it can be to feel like an outsider — and you can bring that knowledge as a strength to your workforce.

Leaders who are empathetic understand the needs of those who work for them. They’re more likely to build healthy relationships with those people, fostering a more positive, communicative work environment.

Emotional intelligence is more than just a soft skill. Take the same empathy you might show to your family and friends and carry it over into the workplace.

Everyone faces challenges in their personal lives. Using those setbacks to enhance your leadership can be an effective way to “humanize” yourself in the business world while still gaining the respect you deserve. Learn from your setbacks instead of letting them bring you down. They can help you become the leader you were born to be.

By: Indiana Lee is a passionate writer from the Pacific Northwest, specializing in business operations, leadership, and marketing. Connect with her on LinkedIn.

November 30, 2023/by Aimee

Why Introverts Make Powerful Leaders

Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!, News

Introverts are the folks who prefer to recharge their batteries alone rather than with other people. That isn’t to say they don’t like people — many introverts love working with others, but they also value their alone time. Sometimes, but not always, they may also have low self-confidence. They may not be able to see themselves in a leadership or administrative role. That’s where they’re wrong — introverts make some of the best leaders for several reasons.

What Is an Introvert?

An introvert is someone who may keep to themselves more often than not. They recharge their batteries by working and relaxing alone and may prefer small groups to large gatherings. However, being an introvert doesn’t mean someone is afraid of speaking or can’t step up to be a leader. Around 12% of people identify themselves as completely introverted, often drifting toward extroverted partners who likely can help them express themselves better.

Some traits commonly associated with introverted people include the following:

Quietness
Shyness
Thoughtfulness
Prefers privacy
Easily overstimulated

These traits are loosely related to introverts, meaning they may not fit every introverted person and might even relate to some extroverts. Many introverted people enjoy being around others and participating in social activities — they may just choose to take part on their own terms.

Introverts and extroverts have their places in business. However, workplaces with extroverted leaders yield 14% lower profits on average. While every person is different, introverts more often have traits that would make for exemplary leadership.

3 Stellar Traits of an Introvert Leader

Introverts often have traits that ensure they can lead teams well. Sometimes, the best leader isn’t an outgoing one who blazes the way — it’s the strong one who quietly reassures their team while supporting them from behind and picking them up when they fall. Strong leaders allow their employees to stand on their own without getting in the way of their successes, but they’re always there to provide guidance and offer a listening ear.

Many introverts are born with traits that naturally help them grow into better leaders than their peers. While some introverted people may not feel comfortable leading large groups, their quiet awareness and thoughtful decision-making can be vital to any team.

1. Expert Listening Skills

Many introverts prefer to listen over talk, participating more passively in conversations. Because they spend less time talking, they can study their conversational partners and pick up on small nuances, especially tone and body language, making them experts at listening to and reading people.

For example, something as simple as the pitch of someone’s voice can indicate whether they’re nervous or confident, something that people who aren’t as intuitive wouldn’t pick up on. Introverts might be able to identify these subtle changes in a person because their listening skills are often sublime.

2. Sincerity Above All

Extroverts can be genuine, too — they may find it easy to connect with other people and praise them for their exploits. However, you may be less likely to receive compliments from an introvert. Since introverted people often don’t talk as much as extroverts, going out of their way to compliment someone might mean much more than an extrovert who praises someone whenever they get the chance.

Around 96% of people feel praise makes them more productive, so an introverted leader who genuinely expresses their opinions is a must-have in any business. An introverted leader will assess the situation and praise anyone who deserves it — and they’ll be able to guide anyone who needs assistance.

Similarly, introverts will stand up for themselves. Introverted people may often come off as shy, but in a workplace, they can feel empowered to stand behind their decisions and won’t let people walk all over them. An introvert can exude confidence just as much as an extrovert, so employers can feel assured in enlisting an introvert in a leadership space.

3. More Creative Solutions

Extroverts and introverts can both be creative, but since introverts use self-reflection and think before acting, they have more time and opportunity to develop innovative solutions to tricky problems. When in business, you must understand situations from several angles. Having someone who considers every perspective is vital to the well-being of any company.

The best decision-making process relies on gathering the necessary information and sitting with it before making any conclusions too hastily. Many introverted people prefer to wait before making a decision and think over all the possible outcomes and variables so they understand the facts before making a decision. This person is valuable for any business, especially during times of crisis.

Introverts often use their intuition, leading them to success and practical decision-making. As a result, they’re more likely to realize when someone needs a little extra encouragement or just a friend to lean on. They’ll likely ensure everyone is involved in a project or feels appreciated in their team. That way, these leaders know everyone is included in a group.

How to Make Yourself a Better Leader

The good news is you don’t have to change yourself to become a better leader or pretend to be something you’re not. Both introverts and extroverts are valuable in leadership roles — as long as they demonstrate the right skills to prove they can support a team.

If you want to gain some of the most beneficial traits of a powerful leader, you’ll have to tap into yourself and learn how to reflect and listen more than you talk and act. Introverts make great leaders because they tend to solve problems more effectively, adding immense value to their company.

Here are some soft skills you should work on building if you want to succeed in a leadership role:

Active listening: To help others solve their problems
Critical thinking: To solve problems with your head instead of on impulse
Proper communication: To get across ideas and uplift others

You shouldn’t have to change who you are to fit any role. However, improving certain skills and learning different methods of problem-solving and communication can benefit you as you transition into a leadership position.

Introverts Are Some of the Best Employees to Have

Introverts tend to lean on the more intuitive and reflective side, making them an asset to any business, thanks to the skills they’ve honed in their interactions throughout the years. They’ll provide a fresh viewpoint and sage wisdom after thinking over certain possibilities. While some introverts might not have the best conversational skills, they’ll do their jobs to the best of their abilities and tackle new things that come their way.

However, both introverts and extroverts can make great employees. The best team members are well-rounded and demonstrate characteristics that will help a business flourish and positively affect company culture. One personality trait can’t guarantee a good leader, but it can help people understand where they’re lacking and how they can improve for the sake of their workplace.

By: Mia Barnes is a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in mental wellbeing and workplace wellness. Mia is also the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind magazine, an online women’s health publication.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

October 19, 2023/by Aimee

Neutral Thinking: The Key to Hard Conversations and Hard Decisions

Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!, News

Name one person who enjoys having hard conversations, and you’ll likely come up null. In the workforce, complex decision-making and delivering bad news are enough to make your stomach drop. However, hard conversations are sometimes necessary — they could entail asking for a raise, apologizing after making a mistake or losing your cool and providing constructive criticism.

Corporate leaders and professionals face difficult decisions and conversations daily. The key is to check their emotions and express themselves in a way that remains neutral and makes them proud.

Why Are Hard Conversations and Decisions Challenging?

There are a few reasons many managers avoid hard conversations and decisions:

Guilt
Increased anxiety
Adverse reactions from both parties
Threats and retaliation
Potential conflict or disagreement

Leadership may be known for avoiding talking to employees about hard topics, whether it’s firing someone, demoting them, issuing blame, addressing low productivity or resolving office conflicts. In fact, more companies are ditching the nail-biting year-end reviews for regular touchpoints focusing on goal-setting and open dialogue just to temper negative emotions.

Yet, despite the possibility of all these behavioral outcomes, 54% of leaders have indicated that conflictual discussions spark team engagement and uncover potential growth areas. However, they must engage employees with respect, transparency and prime leadership skills to avoid damaging outcomes.

Gender differences in communication styles significantly impact reactions. Women typically approach conversations with compassion and rapport, while men often lean into facts and problem-solving. Regardless of one’s method, learning to strike a balance is crucial.

6 Strategies for Having Hard Conversations

Your approach to difficult discussions with people can make or break spirits and significantly impact workplace morale. A 2019 Gallup survey found that a mere 10.4% of employees remained engaged at work following negative feedback — another four out of five sought other employment.

Fortunately, honing in on your leadership skills and aiming for neutrality is the best way to decide on and deliver bad news. Here are six strategies that will help you master hard conversations.

1. Create a Planned Approach

Develop a list of bullet points you want to discuss during your meeting. Having the most essential topics in front of you will keep you on track. Just be sure not to write out a script, as conversations rarely go the way you’ve planned.

A well-thought-out approach to challenging discussions with employees or co-workers ensures greater authenticity and a free-flowing discourse.

2. Practice Empathy

Emotional contagion is an alignment of emotions — if a person smiles at someone, they’ll most likely trigger a smile in return. When approaching difficult conversations, empathy goes a long way. The receiver of bad news will take cues from facial expressions, prompting a particular reaction. Likewise, a response may stem from the voice or tone used during indirect communication, such as online or on the phone.

Research suggests that women have an easier time with emotional contagion than men. One study even found that female babies cried for longer when they heard another crying.

However, empathy doesn’t come easily to everyone — some people need to practice it. Demonstrating emotional contagion, whether through facial cues or tone, will help regulate the receiver’s reactions and result in positive communication.

3. Listen and Observe

An effective leader engages in active listening and open communication to reach a solution. That means you should focus more on the other person’s words during conversations.

These one-on-one meetings don’t need to feel like an attack. Ask open-ended questions and allow employees to share their take on a situation. For instance, if someone struggles to meet deadlines, have them explain their challenges, then repeat what they shared to show you understand — “To be clear, you’re saying that knowledge gaps require more time to go over directions than doing the actual work.”

The attention and respect you offer by listening to your employees may result in a more favorable outcome than you initially thought, such as providing additional training. It may also be that they’ve taken on more responsibility than one person can handle, which leaders can step in and help delegate.

4. Face the Hard Stuff Head-On

Some decisions and conversations may be uncomfortable, but being direct often results in more profound respect and better workplace relationships. Nothing will ever get done if you constantly avoid potential conflicts and avoidance could worsen personality clashes and negative behaviors.

People who avoid hard conversations might purposefully overlook problems, joke their way through confrontations, change the topic or bottle up their emotions until they explode. Many put off having conversations indefinitely.

A more direct approach — even if it’s something positive like negotiating a raise or promotion — should encourage back-and-forth communication — this style comes across as less threatening to both parties. It might also be best to give the receiver some times to cool down and reflect on the discussion before continuing.

5. Avoid Absorbing Negative Emotions

While an effective leader should have empathetic tendencies, injecting too much empathy into hard conversations could lead to you absorbing negative feelings — also known as emotional contagion.

It’s crucial to create separation between what you need to get across and how the person responds. You can expect pushback in some instances or meltdowns, but protecting yourself is essential.

Imagine putting up a shield to block negativity or envision yourself wearing armor — this helps build up your resilience to say what you need. The key to emotional neutrality is to stay grounded. Of course, if a hard conversation ends badly, withdrawing to a quiet place will help you regroup and regain composure.

6. Stay Positive

It’s easy to anticipate discourse going array and for someone to fly off the handle. However, not all hard conversations end badly, and addressing complicated topics can have several benefits. When you approach these discussions positively, they’re more likely to be constructive than disastrous.

Hard conversations done correctly could result in an employee that strives harder to meet deadlines, boosts productivity and collaboration, feels more engaged and better aligns themselves with the company’s mission. It could also improve employee attitudes and reduce conflict.

Complex decision-making and conversations will become second nature in time because you’ll expect positive changes and relationships.

Stay Neutral for More Positive Interactions

It’s possible that you’ll never particularly enjoy giving negative feedback and criticism. You may especially dislike letting someone go or engaging in uncomfortable discourse about diversity and inclusion. But as you’re aware, these conversations are crucial and may present the best outcome for the company.

Mia Barnes is a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in mental wellbeing and workplace wellness. Mia is also the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind magazine, an online women’s health publication.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

May 18, 2023/by Aimee

Melinda Cora: Principal, Head of Product Implementation and Project Management at PGIM Quantitative Solutions

People, Voices of Experience

“I’m a firm believer in the power of personal brand. When you see a particular logo – like Apple, Starbucks or Nike – you immediately have feelings associated with that entity,” says Melinda Cora. “When someone sees my name appear on their phone or in an email, my desire has always been that the brand I’ve developed makes them want to answer my call or read my message and engage with me. My hope is that they have positive feelings and thoughts, based on my work and experiences with them.”

Carving Her Own Trajectory

Growing up in Bushwick, Brooklyn, a low-income and predominantly Hispanic and Black community, Melinda recognized the lack of resources around her (vacations often meant opening a fire hydrant on hot summer days) and how it contrasted with the untapped wealth of talent. She was motivated to carve a different trajectory for herself and recounts that one of her earliest supporters in this regard was her fifth-grade teacher, Mrs. Aievoli, who noticed Melinda’s potential and giftedness and inspired her to grow.

“She invested her time in preparing me to test for a specialized middle school. My acceptance into the school put me on a path to graduate high school at the top of my class at 16 years old,” Melinda recalls.

With hard-working Puerto Rican parents who hadn’t had the opportunity to pursue higher education, school guidance counselors who lacked the frame to point her towards scholarships, and a family mentality of avoiding debt and needing to make ends meet, she attained her associates degree in just 1.5 years before taking on a full-time role as a legal secretary at 18 years old in the M&A department of Shearman & Sterling LLC. It was in that role that Melinda began the practice of learning through observing and quickly became an asset to her team.

“I knew there was something wrong with the equation, and I wanted to be a part of making it right. We had pounds of hard labor workers in my community but a lack of role models who could demonstrate that it was possible to enter a variety of industries, and that lit a fire in me,” says Melinda. “I wanted to be able to go back years later and say, ‘I’ve had a successful career. I’ve been able to break out of this mold. And guess what? You can, too.’”

She was soon promoted to a marketing coordinator role at Shearman, before one of the lawyers she’d worked with called on her for an opportunity at Equavant. When that same lawyer again moved to Lehman Brothers, she called on Melinda again. After seven years at Lehman, where she was an operations analyst and later, a member of an alternative investment management team, Melinda was sponsored by another former colleague for a project management role at PGIM Quantitative Solutions (then known as QMA), a leading quantitative investment manager owned by PGIM, the investment management business of Prudential Financial, Inc.

“Multiple times in my career, former managers and colleagues picked up the phone and offered me some type of pivotal change,” says Melinda. “They believed in me and recognized my drive and many strengths. With each opportunity, I assessed whether it was the right, progressive next step in my career, and once I gave my ‘yes,’ I also gave those roles my all.”

Melinda knew she’d acquired the experience and network, but recognized that if it weren’t for sponsors, her lack of a bachelor’s degree may have filtered her resume out of the interviewing process: “I realized that I needed to go back to school, even though I was in my 30s,” reflects Melinda. “So, I became a full-time working wife and mother of three children—who was also earning her bachelor’s degree. I graduated Summa Cum Laude and have also taken several MBA courses to date.”

Striving For Excellence

“I appreciate that perfection is a myth. However, striving for excellence has been a driving factor for me. If it has my name attached to it, I want to do it with excellence,” says Melinda, speaking to honing her personal brand.

Nearly 15 years ago, Melinda joined QMA as a junior-level project manager and is now head of product implementation and project management at PGIM Quantitative Solutions: “It’s a dynamic role managing my team and a testament to the evolution of the body of work we coordinate within PGIM Quant,” says Melinda. “I have the privilege of working with some of the brightest individuals and leaders in our industry who I get to learn from and partner with daily. No two days are the same, and each new opportunity allows my team and me to be a part of developing new solutions.”

Melinda also serves as a role model and mentor. It’s her passion to build the power of dreaming big among youth and young adults. With HISPA (Hispanics Inspiring Students to Perform and Achieve), she speaks to middle school students in predominantly Hispanic New Jersey communities, inspiring them to believe there is space for them in the asset management industry.

Melinda is a co-founder of PGIM Quant’s Hispanic and Latino business resource group (BRG), Unidos, and a leading member of the Inclusion Council, which oversees each of PGIM Quant’s BRGs to drive meaningful results through a culture of diversity, equity and inclusion. She serves on the Latinx executive leadership team for PGIM overall. Melinda also volunteers through Junior Achievement of New Jersey, through her local church’s Girls Ministry program, and leads a young adults life group out of her home.

The Courage To Speak

Latinos are underrepresented across the finance industry at less than 10%, though they account for approximately 18% of the US population. That percentage drops significantly when accounting for senior-level Latinos in this space. Despite her Latino colleagues coming from different countries, the messages from their families and peers are often similar—like be grateful to have a job, keep your head down, and do not make big waves. Melinda says, at times, Latinos are often not outspoken enough in the workplace as a result of this common conditioning.

“I’ve often struggled with that internal tension. My perspectives and ideas are unique and valuable within the work environment, but everything in my culture tells me I shouldn’t speak up,” she reflects. “So, I’ve had the interesting dynamic of saying I am going to speak up and it’s going to be hard.”

To do this, Melinda calls on her own touchstone of living from courage: “Courage is sometimes ill-defined as ‘not being afraid’ or ‘the absence of fear.’ That’s not what it is. Courage is moving forward or speaking up, even if you are afraid,” she says. “I had to develop the courage to say I do have an idea and it is worth sharing.”

Valuing Diversity of Thought

Melinda, at times, struggles with the notion of imposter syndrome, but quickly reminds herself that her lack of privilege growing up does not equate to a voice that counts less. She recognizes the importance of embracing the background that shaped her and the need to value every upbringing – even the upbringings of those who grew up in privilege.

“It’s rethinking and relearning certain things as an adult to continuously challenge yourself. We’re all learning from each other. No one has arrived at any sort of final destination and we should regularly seek opportunities to further develop,” Melinda notes.

Her early experiences shaped the way that she cultivates different perspectives as an adult: “As a child, I felt like people often didn’t care about what students in my schools thought. It was a ‘what the teacher says goes’ mentality. Even then I knew, if we’re not allowing opportunities to challenge each other, then we’re doing ourselves a disservice and missing out on diversity of thought.”

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

As a tip, Melinda discourages people pleasing: “What’s more important is developing into a trustworthy and sought-after business partner. Whether raising a difficult issue with her children’s schools or inside the four walls of PGIM, Melinda has learned that uncomfortable conversations must be braved.

“I’ve had many experiences where I felt uncomfortable raising a topic but I did it anyway, because there was merit in it,” she says. “If we’re going to have diversity of thought, then as leaders and as professionals, we have to evaluate the things that make us uncomfortable and really decipher, what is this individual trying to say? What is the goal here? Because if you believe intentions are good, you might want to tune your ear and try to better understand what is being said, versus dismissing or disqualifying it.”

Cultivating a Growth Mindset and Culture

As she’s become more senior, new challenges and greater stakes can heighten the fear of making mistakes: “I often say each product effort or project is like its own recipe,” she says. “You may have a group of people with different work styles or a different timeline. You may have different factors that lead to initiatives being diverse even when they’re similar on paper.”

Melinda embraces the idea of being a continuous learner: “We’re not going to get it right 100% of the time. So, two main factors drive my thought process. When I get something right, I celebrate the opportunity to teach. What went right? How did I get there? What was new? What defined the win?” She continues, “And then when I get something wrong, I celebrate the opportunity to learn. What didn’t go right? What can I learn from this? How can I get better? It’s important to look at mistakes as something that will help me grow and, in turn, others as well.”

Melinda looks for opportunities to convey that growth approach and reinforce it with her team members, too. She focuses on caring about people as individuals first and then supporting their career growth with the learning and opportunities to get where they want to go, in their own way and style.

“Whatever number of years and whatever season we spend together, my goal is to be that servant leader to individuals on my team,” she says. One way Melinda empowers her team, especially in the hybrid environment, is to let them decide on her attendance in meetings. This instills confidence in their abilities, while she remains available to provide guidance and be there if and when needed.

Melinda says she has gained the most from organic mentor relationships – precisely, from exposure. As a self-motivated learner, it’s not conversations, but truly watching people in action that inspires her.

“From the start of my career, the way I’ve learned from leaders is by sitting at a table with them, listening to how they interact with others, seeing how they get decisions made, and watching how they influence business,” she says. “How I learn best is by observing. What drives me is looking around the office and asking who do I want to be more like to continue growing as a professional and progressing in my career?”

From Childhood to Today

Mrs. Aievoli still figures prominently in her life and has proven to be Melinda’s lifelong mentor.

“To this day, she keeps me pushing myself. She always says, ‘okay Melinda, and what’s next?’ She keeps me focused on that idea of growth and development,” says Melinda, who still shares her milestone accomplishments with her. “She’s been invested in me from childhood and that’s resonated with me for years.”

Melinda is most proud that her three children – now 20- and 16-year-old daughters, Jayden and Madison, and 13-year-old son, Zachary – can see in her an example of the role model she wished for as a child.

“I had a non-traditional career and educational path, and while it hasn’t been easy, I never settled or gave up, and that’s something I hope encourages them throughout their lives,” she says. “I want them to believe in their own aspirations and carve their own paths so that they, too, can be role models to future generations.”

By Aimee Hansen

April 3, 2023/by Aimee

Seven Things about Gut Instinct You Might Not Know

Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!

Gut instinct – that instinctual sense of knowing that does not come from conscious reasoning, also sometimes called intuition – is one aspect of your decision-making that is worth better understanding – including how and when to leverage it. Here are seven things to know about gut instinct.

The gut truly is the “second brain.” – A neural network of 100 million neurons line your digestive tract, evidencing the gut’s processing ability. The gut has more neurons than the spine. It’s not only the stomach that has a brain, but the heart also has neural cells – there’s more to processing than we “think.” According to Sarah Garfinkel, professor and cognitive neuroscientist at University College London, “Instinct is when physiological signals change quickly in response to different stimuli, with or without the conscious awareness of the properties of those stimuli. A capacity to tap into and be guided by those signals gives us a route to gut instinct, which bypasses higher-order awareness mechanisms that don’t yet have access to that information.”
Gut instinct is not a mind “or” body thing, and it’s complicated. – When considering a decision, the brain works in tandem with the gut, making intuition a mix of emotional and experiential data as the brain accesses memories, preferences, needs, past learnings and more. The mind-body dualistic idea that suggests mind and body responses are separate has long been disproven. They are interrelated. We feel in the body the result of cognitive processing happening in the brain. As a predictive processing network, the brain seeks to quickly compare sensory information with past experience, knowledge and memories, sending signals to the gut. These rapid assessments are subject to error, due to things like confirmation bias where we scramble to see what we already believe true or when we impose past circumstances upon a current situation and perceive danger.
Gut instinct is often a valuable part of decision-making. Partnering gut feelings with analytical thinking leads to better, faster, and more accurate decisions and increases the confidence behind your choices – especially when there is no “correct” and clear-cut option and you’re overthinking. The majority of top executives report that they leverage feelings when managing crises. Women often speak to The Glass Hammer about their ability to read the room as way of informing how they approach a meeting or having gut instinct around an idea that comes up. And when, for example, you are in a familiar setting or with a familiar person, your intuition can pick up subtle cues that something is off or amiss by noticing indicators that are not usually present. It can also guide you against making a wrong choice that presents unnecessary risk. Without gut instinct, and a sensitivity to somatic cues, we can fall into analysis paralysis.
Gut instinct is NOT such a good indicator for decision-making at other times – such as in hiring and recruitment. A clear example for where gut instinct should not be trusted in decision making is in hiring and recruitment, when guts instincts (fast thinking) around the “right candidate” and “culture fit” or “likability” are usually just unconscious bias (such as affinity bias, anchoring bias) – especially related to race, disability, gender and sex. Within seconds of hearing speech, Yale found that we make snap perceptions on social class (based on speech patterns such as pronunciation), competence and pay package. We also like people who are like us in tone, body movements and word choices – and the things we like cast a positive halo over the rest of the interview. Assessments from unstructured and organic interviews, where managers go with their gut, have very poor correlation with job effectiveness and finding the most qualified candidate, because unconscious bias is rife and gut instinct is often rationalized.
The quality of gut instinct is interrelated to emotional intelligence. Research has shown that people with lower EI tend to misread their own bodily signal and somatic cues, misinterpreting the warnings of intuition that would normally guide us against bad risk-taking and decision making. But just as emotional intelligence can be strengthened through intentional training, as we become more sensitive to our ability to read and discern different emotions, where they are coming from and how they influence us, so can we develop our gut instinct. Discerning fear from intuition is an important part of honing our ability to use gut instinct in decision making, as these can often be confused. People who are highly sensitive – and perceive, process, and synthesize information more deeply – often have stronger intuition but may also have learned to distrust and invalidate this strength. Like a muscle, intuition can be built up. Practicing using it through fast, decisive actions on relatively inconsequential matters to build up trust and your ability to emotional regulate through discomfort. By role-playing the outcomes of different decisions, you can also see if your intuitive-based decisions would be aligned with your highest values on the other side.
Distraction from overthinking helps our intuition to weigh in on decisions. When processing a lot of complex and difficult to remember information around a big decision, the tendency can be to painfully overthink – going between all the pros and cons – or to make a snap decision to escape the pain of indecision. But research has found that there’s a value in allowing our minds to wander in unrelated activity, as the unconscious mind helps to sort through the seeds. Participants who were distracted by an unrelated activity after being presented with a bunch of information about a decision made better (and more intuitive led) objective choices than those who consciously weighed up options before making a final decision. Overthinking in a strictly analytical way can muddy your judgement. But in the pause, the unconscious mind can help to surface the gist from the information overload and improve the accuracy of intuitive judgement.
Timing and context is critical and most people don’t know when to use their gut instinct. Because it’s intertwined with many other rapid processes happening in the brain (triggering, bias, memory), it’s critical to assess when to rely on gut instinct in decision-making and when not to, and most business leaders do not know the difference – not only that, but it’s the same for most doctors, therapists and other kinds of professionals.

All in all, gut instinct is a valuable aspect of processing that is bound to contribute it’s voice into your decision-making, whether you are going with it, weighing it up or fighting against it. The more you can learn about gut instinct, the more you’ll be equipped as a leader to use it – and not use it – wisely.

By Aimee Hansen

December 1, 2022/by Aimee

Lead with Clarity: How to Change Up Your Perceptual Lens

Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!

Most of us think that our beliefs are truth. But beliefs are not facts. Rather, they are a core part of  our perceptual lens, and thus very powerful in shaping our everyday experiences.

Psychologists refer to this as a perceptual set – a predisposition to perceive things in a certain  way, which leads us to notice only certain aspects of an object or situation while ignoring other  details. I like to refer to these as perceptual lenses, because it’s literally the “lens” which you  unconsciously and subconsciously perceive the world through that’s driving your behavior.

There are all kinds of perceptual lenses, and each of us tends to use, and overuse, our own few  personal favorites. For example, when someone has a competitive lens, they will relate to almost  any situation as though it is a competition, whether or not any such competition exists. Someone  with a binary lens will relate to most situations as if there is only one right answer, and  everything and everyone else is wrong.

Typically, we each have a few favorites that we apply no matter what the context. Because we  are using these few lenses by default, they often are not appropriate to the context. We need to  expand past our tired old playlist.

There are two kinds of lenses: generally helpful lenses, and those that are impeding when  overused.

Generally helpful lenses:

Collaborative lens. The I-win-when-you-win-approach.
Optimistic lens. “Everything always works out for the best, even if it doesn’t seem so in the moment.”
Create possibility lens. It temporarily sets aside all perceived obstacles, problems, or doubts, in order to give you freedom to imagine an ideal.
Opportunity lens. With this lens, you ask yourself, “How can I find an opportunity in whatever situation I face?”

Impeding lenses:

“Problems to fix” or “what’s wrong” lens. With this lens, someone is always looking  for something to go wrong; they are always wondering what can go wrong here, what  will go wrong here?
Victim lens. “It doesn’t matter anyway.” “I can’t make a difference.” “Bad things always happen to me.”
Distrust/“It’s not safe” lens. A person with this lens operates from a default position that the world around them is inherently dangerous.
Binary/“black or white” lens. With this lens, a person tends to view situations as “either/or.” There’s no gray area, there’s no middle ground.

Each of these lenses has its own set of underlying beliefs and assumptions. You see what your  lens shows you.

If you habitually default to the same lens all of the time, in every situation, then you are not  perceiving the actual circumstances and environment around you. You are seeing only what your  lens shows you. You are making assumptions instead of gleaning useful data that would more  constructively guide your choices and actions.

You can’t be human and be without any lenses, but you can be aware of your lens, as well as be  intentional about choosing an appropriate lens for any given situation. There is a place for a  competitive lens and a collaborative lens, for a problems lens and an opportunity lens, and so on.  What does not serve us is to blindly and automatically apply one lens across the board no matter  what is actually happening.

Road Bump To Choosing A New Lens: You’re Attached To Your Story

You can’t change your lens while wearing your current lens. The people who have the hardest  time transforming their leadership, or their lives, are those who hold onto their own story very,  very tightly. Their self-image is dependent upon them being “the one who always_________.”  The one who’s always right. The one who never gets what they want. The one who always  achieves. The one who always cleans up after others. The one who’s the smartest. The one who  is always betrayed. When you are so locked into your story, then a change of perceptual lens can  feel destabilizing. If you aren’t the one who always is this or that, or who does this or that, then  who are you?

When you step into the unfamiliar territory of using a new lens, you need to be willing to “try” it  out. On some level you will feel some relief—because you are choosing a lens that empowers  you— but on another level you are likely to resist the feeling of change.

Recognize your discomfort for what it is: your ego’s inner defenses against change. The  solution? Acknowledge that discomfort while trying on the new lens— even though it feels odd,  contradictory, or just plain impossible. You keep doing that again and again until the new lens  can start to stay in place, and the new lens becomes the new you.

Initially, you aren’t going to have “proof ” that any of these helpful lenses will bring you better  results than your current, impeding lens. You can only give them a try. Be curious, open,  experimental. Lean into it. Doing so increases your options. And pay attention to what happens;  observe your new results. Loosen up on your own story until you really get that your story is not  you. That’s the only way that true change can happen.

By: Jody Michael is the author of Leading Lightly: Lower Your Stress, Think with Clarity, and Lead with Ease (Greenleaf Book Group Press, 2022). She is CEO of Jody Michael Associates, a coaching company specializing in executive coaching, leadership development, and career coaching. She is recognized as one of the top 4% of coaches worldwide and is an internationally credentialed Master Certified Coach, Board Certified Coach, University of Chicago trained psychotherapist, and Licensed Clinical Social Worker.

June 30, 2022/by Aimee

Louise Carroll: Partner, Real Estate, Katten

People, Voices of Experience

“People need to feel you’re hearing them and you’re answering truthfully on what you can deliver,” says Louise Carroll, who recently joined Katten as a partner in the Real Estate practice. “That skillset has served me in every situation — whether negotiating a deal, talking to politicians at the federal, state, and city level or calming passionate constituents.”

Carroll talks about her experience as former New York City Housing Preservation and Development (HPD) Commissioner, leveraging her differences, using her voice, and navigating the complexities of the law to find innovative win-win solutions that have helped deliver nearly a quarter-million affordable housing units in the city’s 59 community districts — one of the most expansive affordable housing plans in U.S. history.

Hands-On Career in Creating Affordable Housing

Born in the U.S. Virgin Islands and raised in Saint Lucia, Carroll attained her undergraduate degree in Wales, acquired her MBA in England and worked as a senior executive for a German ship-owning and brokerage company in Cyprus before entering Tulane University Law School. She began her legal career serving as a transactions attorney for the business law division of the New York City Administration for Children’s Services, followed by prosecuting public officials who violated New York City ethics laws, and advising on real estate projects and housing programs and policies, as well as drafting zoning and tax statutes. Over a 20-year public service career, she worked her way up to the General Counsel role and then became Commissioner of the largest municipal housing agency in the country.

At the time, Carroll had no idea how gratifying working with the affordable housing industry would be. She recalled the first time she went to speak to tenants in a supported housing residence in Times Square, in which HPD was a government partner on the building renovation. She saw how much the project affected and changed how the tenants felt more positively about their current life situation, and gave them not only a safe and affordable place to live, but also inspiration and hope at the potential of what might lie ahead in their lives.

“When I look at all those massive buildings on Riverside Drive, or Hudson Yards, all along the Greenpoint waterfront, I can say, ‘This is my building, this is my building, this is my building,’” says Carroll. “I have managed to put low-income tenants and families in some amazing buildings throughout the city, next to good schools and great access to transit. It took a great deal of work —drafting and revising legislation — to make these projects happen. This industry can be so complex, because there are so many different players and different laws, that just finding a way to do it over and over was both amazing and fun.”

Navigating Complex Win-Win Solutions

Carroll prides herself on her ability to listen to many sides, navigate diverse interests and find the best compromise or solution. “In good negotiating, you have to understand the viewpoint of the person across from you — what it is they’re trying to achieve. You have to listen and have empathy, and make sure people understand the parameters of where you can and can’t meet them and why,” she says.

Carroll met Katten partners Ken Lore and Martin Siroka when they were working together on many mixed-income housing developments. “I knew they were clever lawyers who were able to problem solve on really difficult issues, so I’ve respected them greatly over the years,” says Carroll, who herself joined Katten in March.

As Commissioner of the NYC HPD department, Carroll worked directly with Katten on real estate deals that had a combination of low-income housing tax credits, tax-exempt bonds, and other innovative financing structures, each with complex requirements and regulations. “What I loved was that every time I did a deal with Katten, we improved the status quo by making new changes that accommodated the private lenders in a better way. There are often cookie cutter deals in city government, but that was not the work we were doing together,” she says. “Instead, we tackled the intricacies of laws to figure out how to make them work best for every stakeholder involved in the project. Finding solutions to those incredibly complex problems was personally gratifying and provided housing to so many communities.”

When her public service career was winding down, she considered whether to work for a not-for-profit organization or take a post at a law school, but realized she wanted to continue working on impactful deals. “Some people could do the HPD commissioner role as a figurehead job, but that’s not how I did it. I read every piece of legislation. I was there for every policy draft and every brainstorm. I formed the working groups,” Carroll says. “I knew that finding a job that could compare was not going to be easy, but this role with Katten offered me the opportunity to work on affordable housing projects in the way that I love, and to contribute to the firm’s widely renowned practice.”

At Katten, Carroll’s practice focuses on affordable housing and community development, mixed-income housing, public finance and government relations. She is highly regarded at the firm for her experience and capabilities to guide clients through the financial and legal complexities of housing projects.

Leveraging Her Difference

“I went to an all-girls Catholic school, where the nuns told us we were as good as anybody. That’s, in part, why I’ve always spoken up,” says Carroll. “I understand the stereotypes or expectations when a woman is in the room — how we’re expected to speak, defend our work, or refrain from speaking in an authoritative way — and I’ve told myself, ‘None of that applies to you, because you weren’t born and raised in this culture, so you’re going to embrace the otherness.’ So, I speak up, respectfully and never rude, but I have to speak.”

Carroll leverages her experience and seniority to advocate for others. “When I see people not speaking up or being silenced or pushed out, I step into that space and say, no, I would like to hear what this person has to say,” she notes.

While Carroll was warned the commissioner position would be an outward-facing job, she couldn’t have prepared for just how much moment-to-moment adrenaline would be involved and how she would need to transition from a naturally shy person to an extrovert.

“As Commissioner, I was constantly on the move, interacting with many different people in sometimes challenging circumstances throughout the day. I might start the morning with a press conference, go to a 50-person meeting to solve problems around affordable housing, switch to working with my policy team on rewriting legislation, and then shift to being present for heated phone calls with city council members,” recalls Carroll. “I learned to put my game face on and step into the moment, whatever it was. Sometimes that meant winging an impromptu speech.”

No Task is Insignificant

Carroll credits her grandmother for inspiring her lawyer deal-making mentality of getting things done. Her grandmother instilled in her at a young age that no matter how big or small a task, you do it well.

“Everything you touch, you have to do the best you can — even when you’re not leading the team, and are just a part of the team,” says Carroll. “Before I became commissioner, I was the attorney that people could call at 11 p.m. and who would send the agreements back at 3 a.m. People started to talk about my work and every time I got a new challenge, even when they were difficult challenges, I would aim to make things better — and that kept me moving forward.”

A decade ago as a new mom with a rising legal career, she made it home from work for bedtime, and then started working again — knowing it was important to her advancement. “We all have adversity in some way,” says Carroll. “There are real issues, such as childcare. There are also times and places to address it, and how we handle our adversity is as important as the adversity we face.”

Married for nearly twenty years, Carroll has one 10-year-old son and enjoys watching him play travel ice hockey, a sport off her radar growing up as a Caribbean woman. Her sport of choice: tennis. She completes twice a week against tennis pros — and, sometimes, she wins.

By Aimee Hansen

June 6, 2022/by Aimee

Avoid These Four Leadership Failures To Retain Employees Through The Great Resignation

Career Advice, Career Tip of the Week!, News

For more than a year, the employment world has experienced significant upheaval as millions of workers make a mass exodus from the traditional workplace: a phenomenon now commonly called ‘the Great Resignation’. Women leaders who recognize and avoid four common leadership failures in the workplace will be better placed to retain their best employees through these turbulent times.

World-wide, leaders are grappling to understand what is fueling ‘the Great Resignation’. Also known as ‘the Big Quit’ and ‘the Great Reshuffle’, this is an ongoing economic trend in which employees have voluntarily resigned from their jobs en masse since early 2021, primarily in the US.

Research into this phenomenon that is wreaking havoc in the employment world suggests that many people are rethinking their careers, seeking a better work-life balance, facing up to long-endured job dissatisfaction, and preferring the flexibility of remote work.

As ‘the Great Resignation’ unfolds, there has never been a more important time for business leaders to think smart to ensure their work environment appeals to the post-Covid generation of workers.

Here are the four fundamental leadership failures that drive good employees away. Recognizing and rectifying these leadership failures will provide women leaders with an edge to help them retain good employees amid a mass exodus.

Rectifying leadership failure 1: Treating employees as the primary customers

The first crucial leadership failure is not recognizing that the employee is actually the primary customer.

Employees are initially drawn to work for a company because of various reasons, such as the company’s reputation. Ultimately, however, good employees stick around because of how well a company looks after them.   Employees should therefore be treated as the primary customer. This means that each employee should be treated, cared for, managed, and responded to in a way that is consistent with how the company wants its customers to be treated.

Not only does it set a good example to manage employees this way, but it also increases one of the most important assets of any company: credibility, and the trust it brings. Employees want to work with and for a company that they can trust.

Rectifying leadership failure 2 – Recognizing leadership is not management

Another crucial leadership failure is not recognizing the difference between leadership and management.

Most companies have a management culture, which is not the same as proper leadership. Management is important and is a part of leadership responsibility. Managers have to make people follow, but leaders make people want to follow. Managers bring about compliance, but what leaders are able to create is buy-in, and this increases the likelihood of employees bringing their best self to work.

Recognizing the difference between management and leadership not only increases the likelihood of recruiting and retaining good employees, it also increases the chances of having a team that gives their best effort and go beyond the regular call of duty.

Rectifying leadership failure 3 – Realizing valued compensation is not just financial

The failure to recognize that finances are not the only form of valued compensation is a third common leadership failure today.

This is a recent development and is clear when considering the work patterns of the Millennium generation. This is the first generation in some time that does not out earn the previous generation. And it’s not because this generation is not capable or competent, but rather because they value some things more than money, such as flexibility, being part of something bigger or being valued as individuals.

Whereas paying employees so well that they tolerate toxicity in their working environment – often called ‘golden handcuffs’ – may have worked in the past, but will not work in the future.

Rectifying leadership failure 4 – Recognizing that EQ is the IQ multiplier

Last, but certainly not least, is the leadership failure of not recognizing that EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is the IQ (Intelligence Quotient) multiplier, especially now during ‘the Great Resignation’.   It’s not that employees are avoiding work, or that they prefer to stay at home, but rather that many have had a glimpse of what it’s like to work in peace and don’t want to return to a toxic work culture.

For this reason, building Emotional Intelligence is a core leadership competency. Fortunately, building EQ is possible, and requires attention to each of the four qualities of EQ, briefly described below.

 The four qualities of EQ

Self-awareness, referring to how well you are aware of yourself as a leader.
Self-management, which is the ability to manage yourself based on what you know about yourself.
Social awareness, or the ability to discern the difference in others’ relationship management approaches.
Relationship management, which is determining how different people communicate, comprehend and are motivated, and the ability to lead and respond accordingly.

In a post-COVID work world, dominated by ‘the Big Resignation”, being an emotionally intelligent leader – able to manage yourself and others – is key and critical to recruiting and keeping good employees.

By: Dr. Dharius Daniels is an emotional intelligence expert, author of Relational Intelligence: The People Skills You Need For The Life Of Purpose You Want, and former professor at Princeton University.

June 2, 2022/by Aimee

Jingjing Liang: Associate, Compensation, Governance & ERISA practice, Shearman & Sterling LLP

People, Rising Stars

“The truth is, if I can be loving and patient, and approach whatever comes my way with compassion, everything will fall into place,” says Jingjing (JJ) Liang. “Being a good lawyer, a good colleague, a good mother, a good partner, a good daughter – it all starts with being a loving person. Approaching things with a loving attitude will make things easier for you.”

Liang speaks about staying open-minded, building your confidence, using your voice and showing up to the moment.

Be Open to Surprise

“Keep an open mind,” Liang advises law students. She never would have seen herself in law, let alone as a specialist in compensation and governance – yet there are advantages to unforeseen changes.

Having specialized in European history in her undergraduate studies at the University of Toronto, Liang became interested in legal history while studying in Europe. She took her mother’s insightful advice to work as a paralegal before investing in law school. After working for a year as a legal intern in Beijing, China and another year as a legal assistant in Toronto, Canada, she headed to the University of Texas School of Law. During her summer associate program at Shearman & Sterling in New York, where she rotated through the firm’s M&A and litigation practice groups, she received an offer to join the compensation and governance group.

“At that time, I thought, I have no idea what this is, this is so specialized, I just want to do M&A,” confesses Liang. “My work was very tough in the beginning as a first-year associate, because there were nothing from which I could draw on from my law school studies. The learning curve was steep.”

It was only when Liang found herself teaching summer associates that she realized how quickly she had grown and how much she enjoyed the work. Relative to her peers in other practices, Liang found she was not just reviewing and proofreading documents as a junior associate, but actually providing substantive legal advice and engaging directly with clients. “I’m glad I kept an open mind to try out this practice, I never would have known how well-suited it was for me if I hadn’t.”

How You Approach The Moment Is the Practice

Being patient, flexible and quick on her feet has served Liang well, but her ability to approach a situation and respond adeptly is her core practice.

When an urgent request comes in the night before an early meeting, it’s easy to stress. But Liang draws on her work as a meditation and yoga instructor: “The person in front of me and the request is not by definition stressful. It could be stressful to me, but interesting or fun to somebody else,” she observes. “So if the stress is coming from me, then I have the ability to change it. That’s how I try to approach difficult moments. I try to ask, ‘how can I ease the situation so it becomes easier for everyone involved.’”

Early on, Liang received two valuable insights into the enigma of work-life balance in Big Law: “It can be pretty impossible to strive for ‘work-life balance’ on a daily basis, so if you focus on balance in the ‘tree’ of a day, it can feel like a fight. But if you can step back and observe the wave of activities that come and go throughout a month or couple of months, you can take in the ‘forest’ and find more balance.”

Liang recommends that junior lawyers make plans with families and friends and surround themselves with people who will understand when something comes up. Even if you need to cancel a weekend plan, it’s important to still create the room to nurture your personal and social life.

Building and Bringing Confidence

As she becomes more senior, Liang’s advice to her younger self would be to take time and dig into the topics in your field you’re deeply interested in. “What did I enjoy most in this deal and what can I do next to strengthen the skills I gained today?” She recommends stepping back after big deals or intense periods of work to reflect on the learning experience to deepen career development.

“You’re learning so many different topics over time and quickly, it would be worthwhile to categorize your specialties so you can reinforce each one, becoming aware of your strengths and weaknesses in the substantive aspects of law,” says Liang. “I think it’s important to build confidence in your knowledge base, and that’s hard to do when it’s go-go-go.”

Reflecting on how her generation is changing the legal field, she feels her peers in her generation are more likely to just sit at the table rather than waiting to be invited: “Even more, when we sit at the table, we’re not afraid to ask questions and contribute. We’re not afraid to give our view and participate in a discussion among more senior lawyers, ” she says, also noting her parents encouraged speaking up early on in life. “I’m not embarrassed to be wrong (of course, being thoughtful about my contribution is important too). I’m excited to have this conversation with everyone at the table.”

Liang recognizes that she stands on the shoulders of women who have paved the way, and for that, her generation of women tends to hesitate less: “Women lawyers at conferences are always talking about not having to stay quiet because you’re a woman, and I am thinking, I don’t think we’re being quiet.”

When it comes to being Asian American, at certain times in her journey, Liang has felt stereotyped, such as the expectation that she would be quiet, being asked where she’s really from, or being spoken to in some Asian language. These problems can be subtle and until she talks with Asian peers who have had similar experiences, it’s difficult to validate what’s happening in that moment. “It’s a difficult conversation,” she says, “but because discrimination, macro or micro, is still there, we’re still talking about it.”

She does not, however, feel she’s facing a “bamboo ceiling” in Big Law, and found it inspiring last year to witness two female Asian women appointed to partners at Shearman, including Lara Aryani. She also feels lucky to work closely with female partners at the firm who value the mentoring and sponsorship of young lawyers through open dialogue and active training on how to be successful in this industry.

An Ever More Compassionate Self

Certified by Three Jewels Enlightenment Studio, Liang became a meditation and yoga instructor. During the pandemic, she was able to establish a more regular meditation practice to help cope with work, the ever-changing state of the world, and more recently, being a new parent. To give back to her community, she currently teaches yoga on Sundays with Three Jewels.

One of Liang’s meditation practices is “Future Refuge” – where you envision your future and step into that version within your present self: “If I can envision all of these aspects of my future self, what’s stopping me from being that today? Even if I can’t change external conditions, how can I embody the characteristics of the ‘future me’ now?”

Engaging in her meditation and yoga practice regularly, she sees herself in five years as being even more calm, loving and compassionate. Going back to when a client asks her for an emergency request, in a difficult moment, she chooses to view the request as if it’s coming from her best friend who she would do anything for, even if it throws her evening plans awry.

She also loves being with her ten-month-old son, watching how he explores the world and looks forward to traveling the world with him in the future.

By Aimee Hansen

May 16, 2022/by Aimee

Tag Archive for: emotional intelligence

On what to do when “why me” comes up in the midst of challenge:

On whether challenges shape us or reveal who we are:

On how being confronted with adversity has impacted upon her outlook:

On how challenges are relative and only internally defined:

On navigating hardship through acceptance and beyond:

On why perspective is “the most powerful untapped resource”:

On the power of putting perspective into practice:

On overcoming resistance to practicing perspective:

On the strategy of “borrowing perspective” in hardship or everyday life:

On why authenticity and vulnerability are essential to leadership:

On letting who you truly are authentically guide your path:

On the power of being able to let go of the plan and embrace the now:

On learning how to trust in and surrender to your unique life path:

The Overlap Between Personal and Professional

Mental Health Awareness

The Importance of Empathy

What Is an Introvert?

3 Stellar Traits of an Introvert Leader

How to Make Yourself a Better Leader

Introverts Are Some of the Best Employees to Have

Why Are Hard Conversations and Decisions Challenging?

6 Strategies for Having Hard Conversations

Stay Neutral for More Positive Interactions

Carving Her Own Trajectory

Striving For Excellence

The Courage To Speak

Valuing Diversity of Thought

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Cultivating a Growth Mindset and Culture

From Childhood to Today

Generally helpful lenses:

Impeding lenses:

Road Bump To Choosing A New Lens: You’re Attached To Your Story

Hands-On Career in Creating Affordable Housing

Navigating Complex Win-Win Solutions

Leveraging Her Difference

No Task is Insignificant

Rectifying leadership failure 1: Treating employees as the primary customers

Rectifying leadership failure 2 – Recognizing leadership is not management

Rectifying leadership failure 3 – Realizing valued compensation is not just financial

Rectifying leadership failure 4 – Recognizing that EQ is the IQ multiplier

The four qualities of EQ

Be Open to Surprise

How You Approach The Moment Is the Practice

Building and Bringing Confidence

An Ever More Compassionate Self

The Glass Hammer

Contact

 The four qualities of EQ