Tag Archive for: confidence

Elyssa McMullen: Managing Director, Head of Credit Tenant Lease Financing, PGIM Private Capital

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Elyssa McMullen“Having confidence and the ability to bring your true self to work gives you the space to ask for help, engage with others, network and live the life you will enjoy living,” says Elyssa McMullen.

Leading with conviction and passion, McMullen exemplifies how bringing your authentic self to work can create meaningful connections and drive success. As an LGBTQ+ ally and the daughter of a gay man who did not come out until much later in life, she also acknowledges the challenges some face in feeling free to fully express themselves at work or elsewhere.

“My father lived most of his life unable to be his authentic self, knowing he was gay as a teen. Today, I feel we’ve made such strides as a society, encouraging people to be their true selves and celebrating it, which I encourage my kids to do.”

McMullen reflects on how being confident in expressing herself and fostering an environment where others can do the same has helped her build a successful career and a supportive community.

Finding a natural fit

After more than 25 years in the financial industry, McMullen is certain she found a role that suits her well. However, like many leaders, she reached this point in her career through the process of exploration and adjustment, which she did by identifying areas of personal development and prioritized growth in those areas by putting herself in situations to improve in those dimensions.

Recognizing her strong math skills, and with encouragement from her family, she initially pursued engineering at Virginia Tech but quickly realized she chose a major that others thought she should be doing – not a major that felt right to her – so, she trusted her instincts and switched to finance. Since graduating and joining PGIM, McMullen has steadily climbed the ranks, advancing from associate analyst to her current role as managing director, where she leads the Credit Tenant Lease Financing team. In this role, she is responsible for managing a team that sources, structures and manages credit tenant lease transactions globally.

She reflects, “Once you find something that’s a natural fit, what you do day in and day out doesn’t feel difficult. That intersection of finding where your skills are with something that’s interesting to you makes work more enjoyable.”

Discovering a career that aligned with her natural abilities also ignited her passion and conviction.

“I’ve learned to make sure that you’re giving your energy to the right thing. Having conviction and passion and being able to moderate that with other perspectives and points of view is important and helps create balance on a team.”

McMullen feels fortunate to channel her enthusiasm and dedication within PGIM Private Capital, which enables her to embrace her entrepreneurial mindset. She is energized by exploring new ways to grow the business and providing opportunities for junior team members to contribute to that innovative way of thinking.

“I’ve had the opportunity to hire more people and create opportunities for others to help grow our business. It has been really exciting to foster the careers of junior talent and help them learn, develop their careers and achieve their goals.”

Inspiring others to find their confidence and voice

Early in her career, McMullen had the confidence to speak up and voice her opinion, but she acknowledges that her success also depended on having leaders who listened and took her seriously. Now, as a leader, she strives to do the same for others.

“As leaders, we must empower junior employees to speak their minds and give them a safe space to share their point of view. We have to value their perspectives, even if we disagree with them. It’s important to listen and create this platform for our team.” She emphasizes, “The onus is on leaders to ensure that as they move into more senior roles, they don’t lose sight of the fresh perspectives that others around them have.”

PGIM Private Capital’s structure of small deal teams offers junior analysts the opportunity to learn and interact with senior leaders, gain experience and have agency in the process.

“In our meetings, I have the analysts on our team present transactions that they’re working on and their portfolio investments as a way of encouraging them to be vocal, gain confidence and demonstrate that their contributions to the team are seen, heard and matter.”

She continues, “I think it makes me a better investor, and us a better team, when everyone’s working on the same goal, has the same objective and is engaged in the process because they feel valued for their contributions.”

Giving to others…as a leader, mother and daughter

McMullen is equally as nurturing in her personal life as she is in her professional one. Not only is she the primary caregiver for her elderly father, but she is also the mother of two active teenagers and spends a lot of her time engaging in her children’s extracurricular activities and volunteering.

“I try to instill the idea of giving back to our community in my children by encouraging them to volunteer in work that aligns with their interests,” she says. For her daughter who loves to play soccer, this means volunteering with a group that pairs soccer buddies with kids who have disabilities. For her son, it has been volunteering through Boy Scouts and temple initiatives.

Creating a community of support

While McMullen knows how important it is to serve as a support system for others, she also recognizes the importance of having a strong support system to tap into for herself as well.

“Building communities around you are key to your success – these are the people that you rely and depend on. Having this network – the colleagues, friends, family, and for me, mothers in my community – has helped me thrive in my personal and professional life.”

Once she became a mother, working to create that community of support helped her become better at reaching out and developing a network in the workplace. McMullen is looking forward to further building those relationships as a program leader at an upcoming industry conference. “It’s wonderful that there is organizational support around fostering community and those professional connections,” she says.

Another community that McMullen taps into is her running group, which she not only uses to stay active, but for the social and emotional outlet as well. Her group of friends hit the pavement – rain or shine to train for races – and have even done a couple marathons together. When creating networks of support, both in and outside the office, McMullen admits that there is no magic when it comes to managing her time and energy. For her, it’s about adapting to the needs of the moment and keeping what is truly important top of mind.

“It’s important to prioritize and be present for your kids when it matters, while also being there for your team and colleagues who need you. Managing these responsibilities looks different every day and won’t always feel balanced or eliminate guilt. But, having clear objectives and striving towards them helps you feel like you’re moving in the right direction.”

By Jessica Robaire

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Anar Patel: Director, Portfolio Construction, PGIM Investments

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Anar Patel“You’re the marketing team behind your own personal brand, and sometimes, that means creating opportunities for yourself that didn’t exist before,” says Anar Patel.

Patel exudes a strong sense of purpose, confidently pursuing her aspirations to be a strong female leader that empowers other women to seize opportunities for professional growth. Since joining PGIM a decade ago, her proactive approach and clear communication of her interests have fueled her advancement. Reflecting on her journey, she credits her self-advocacy and growth mindset for her “organic transition” from one role to the next.

“In every role, I continued to stay focused, do great work, think about what my next move was and communicate the career trajectory that I wanted. You have to advocate for yourself. You’re the marketing team behind your own personal brand, and sometimes, that means creating opportunities for yourself that didn’t exist before.”

Now, as a director in Portfolio Construction, Patel is excited to continue building on her investment experience in managing multi-asset and model portfolios. She speaks to why she is passionate about working in finance, lessons learned from pivotal moments and what she values in leadership.

The Impact of Financial Planning

Patel credits her father for her tenacity and passion for working in the financial industry. Shortly after her parents immigrated to the U.S., her older brother was diagnosed with a severe form of epilepsy, and her father had to pivot from studying for his master’s in chemistry to focusing on caring for his family. He found a way to provide for his family while also making sure to put something aside as an investment for the future.

“The most tangible thing I learned from my father outside of sacrificing and working hard was the importance of saving and investing and how life changing it can be. Thoughtful financial planning provided him with the means necessary to take control of his future.”

Watching her father diligently invest so he could achieve his goals of financial security inspired Patel to provide those opportunities for others. She is enthusiastic about the potential of technology and other tools that make investing more accessible.

“With today’s technological advancements and the increase in availability of different investment vehicles, I think it’s important to democratize investing – to make sure everyone has the information and ability to financially plan for the future. Accessibility and knowledge are empowering more and more people to take control of their financial futures like he did. People can get access to top investment managers, like PGIM, in ways that they couldn’t before.”

2020 – A Pivotal Year

Patel went through her own pivotal moment of personal and professional growth at the onset of Covid in 2020, experiencing the loss of her grandmother, while transitioning into a new role at work, taking a full load of courses in her executive MBA program and planning her wedding.

She reflects, “It was a lot of balancing, and I came out of the experience with a newfound confidence. I learned the depth of my own resilience, adaptability and tenacity, as I had to adjust with all these changes and roll with the punches.”

This tumultuous period also gave her perspective on where she wanted to devote her energy.

“I began to prioritize what was important to me versus what I thought was expected of me. When I started to do that, it freed up a lot of space to focus on my goals and the things that were making me happy.”

Patel admits she is someone who strives for perfection and likes to be in control. However, her experiences in 2020 made her realize that she needed to relinquish some control and share the mental load she was carrying while juggling work and other priorities. That meant working out new routines and responsibilities at home with her fiancée.

“I think we’re seeing a lot of momentum and progress on this already, with society stepping away from traditional gender norms in the household and both partners contributing in a more balanced way. It improves the trajectory for women to assume leadership roles when there’s equality in both the workplace and the household.”

Value of Network Building

Patel’s growing confidence enabled her to create opportunities for herself, not just by being vocal about her aspirations, but also by continuing to build her network. She emphasizes the importance of being proactive and getting out there.

“I sign up for everything – lunch and learns, volunteer events, networking circles. It helps to meet different people – some of whom you might not have the opportunity to meet or interact with given your role.” Patel notes that being connected to a variety of people is a value-add, particularly in getting comfortable walking into different spaces.

During her Executive MBA program at Columbia, Patel enjoyed the opportunity to extend that network beyond her workplace – meeting people from all different industries and walks of life. The program also provided a space to explore ideas and practice presenting them, bolstering her confidence outside the classroom.

“When you feel psychologically safe in an environment, you’re empowered and comfortable testing new ideas, bouncing them off your colleagues, making it easier to scale them for different situations and audiences… You don’t feel as nervous raising your hand.”

The Leader She Aspires to Become

It is hard to envision Patel being nervous, radiating the confidence and self-awareness that people seek in potential leaders. Unsurprisingly, she is clear about what she values in a leader and the type of leader she aims to become. She says emotional intelligence, effective communication and investing in team growth help lay the foundation for a strong leader.

In terms of emotional intelligence, Patel explains, “It’s about understanding how different people work, what motivates them and leveraging their strengths to drive progress.”

Communication is key to understanding people, particularly in creating positive interactions where they feel heard and engaged. “When you know how people prefer to receive information, it really moves things forward. Communicating in ways that resonate with your colleagues and stakeholders can help build and strengthen relationships,” Patel says.

Patel credits part of her professional growth to leaders who were invested in her development. She hopes to be the kind of leader that advocates for others’ growth, recognizing that creating a strong culture of learning that is full of advancement opportunities can motivate employees to bring their best selves to work – and positively impact the company and its bottom line.

She also strives to be the type of leader who makes a positive impact through Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives, recently leading the rollout of PGIM’s Inclusive Leadership training to PGIM Investments. Although she believes the industry has made a lot of progress in DEI, she emphasizes the need to keep powering forward.

“It goes beyond getting different voices into a room. Now, it’s about amplifying them and ensuring they’re heard. This may mean waiting for others to speak first or encouraging those more introverted to voice their opinions, since everyone has valuable ideas to contribute to the discussion.”

Pursuing Her Bucket List

As invested in her personal growth as she is in her professional growth, Patel recently made her first solo trip abroad to Malaga, Spain.

“It was on my bucket list to travel by myself, something I really wanted to experience. During the past few years, I realized my strength, resiliency and everything I am capable of, which gave me the courage to book my ticket.”

Patel also enjoys traveling with her husband, most recently going on a safari in South Africa earlier this year. Additionally, she loves to read, host game nights and play with her chocolate Labrador, Bailey.

By Jessica Robaire

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Op-Ed: Breaking the Mold – How to Become Your Own Boss

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Amy PorterfieldThe meeting that catalyzed me to become my own boss feels like it happened yesterday.

I was working as the director of content development for peak performance coach Tony Robbins and was called into a meeting. Online education was just starting to take off, and Tony had invited some of the most successful entrepreneurs in this space to come in and share their experiences.

These men — and they were all men — had hugely successful digital courses, online membership programs, and mastermind groups. We were exploring how we could add this strategy to our business.

My job was to sit there quietly and take notes. And since women hold only 8.2% of CEO roles, this dynamic didn’t seem unnatural to what I was used to. But as I was taking notes, everything started to change for me.

I realized I wanted a seat at the table, not just near it. I wanted to be a part of changing statistics like the global gender pay gap – currently estimated to be 16%, meaning women earn an average of 84 cents for every dollar men earn.

And finally, I realized I wanted to be part of the 12 million women-owned businesses in the US that generate over $1.8 trillion in revenue and employ over 9.4 million people.

So I decided to start my journey towards these desires right then and there in the meeting. I paid close attention to what these powerful business owners were sharing, and today, I want to pass along three lessons I learned to help you build the business – and life – of your dreams, too.

1. It is possible to design your life on your own terms.

As I listened to those entrepreneurs talk about their businesses, I realized something that changed how I thought about my career path. These men were all in different industries but had one thing in common: freedom. They weren’t hitting the glass ceiling. They weren’t asking for permission. They were taking charge of their own destiny.

Without knowing it, women let outside forces shape their destinies all the time. Just look at the latest PitchBook data showing how startups with all-women teams receive a mere 1.9% of the 238.3 billion dollars of venture capital awarded each year.

But these men… in this meeting? They were calling the shots and not waiting for someone to give them a green light on their business ideas.

They were achieving business success while designing a life on their own terms. And I wanted to do that too.

For me, the answer was to build my own business and be my own boss. I wanted to do work I loved and do it how, when, and where I chose. That would be designing life on my own terms.

When I started exploring what life on my own terms looked like,
 I remember reaching out to a business owner and boldly asking:

 “I know you don’t offer this as a service, but could I pay you for an hour to ask how you built your business?” 



She said yes, and I spent that hour under my desk whispering into the phone as she broke down steps to get started, how to align a business with personal values, and how she brought her vision to life on her terms.

It wasn’t glamorous, but it was just what I needed.

She could have said no, and if that happens to you, I want you to look at that “no” as bringing you one step closer to a “yes.” Keep reaching out and asking people for advice. Eventually, a door will open.

And mentors like this don’t have to come in the form of a person, either. Books like Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert showed me how my ideas were a big enough deal that I could build a business around them.

The message she shares in the book about how you can either go all in and share your gifts with the world, or dismiss them, resonated with me and served as the kick in the pants I needed to get crystal clear on how I wanted to impact the world.

A life designed on your terms might look different than mine. That’s the beautiful thing: You have the power to choose your path. 

And once you do, I encourage you to find a mentor to guide you as you walk down it toward your dream life!

2. Your existing knowledge and skills are more valuable than you think.

As I listened to the men in that boardroom talk about the online courses they were selling, I took note of their success. Each one had taught hundreds or even thousands of students, creating a massive impact in their field. From dating advice to real estate investing, they were transforming lives. It was truly inspiring.

I also took note of what they didn’t say. None of them talked about investing years and years into certification and education before they created their first course. They didn’t go back to school to earn a business degree before they launched. They weren’t wracked with fear about staying on top of their game.

In fact, whether you’re starting your own business or applying for a new job, this seems to be a common theme. A Hewlett Packard report found that while men apply for a job if they meet only 60% of the qualifications, women tend to apply only if they meet 100%. That stops now – you know enough to take the first step!

Your knowledge today has enormous value if you share it with the right audience. Whether you are starting an online education business of your own or continuing a professional career, the key is to look for places where you have a 10 percent edge.

If you are at least 10 percent ahead of those you serve, you can lead the way. In fact, it’s sometimes easier to lead when you aren’t too far out in front.

3. Boss traps are a barrier to success.

The third thing I noted during the meeting was that these highly successful entrepreneurs had faced their share of problems. Yes, a professional career comes with challenges. But becoming your own boss isn’t always smooth sailing either.

As I started my own business, I discovered that many of the traps you fall into as a boss stem from “demoting” yourself and not embracing the full scope of your role. You may experience some of these in your career as well. For example, one of the most common boss traps is falling prey to superwoman syndrome and trying to do everything yourself.

A study by the U.S. Bureau Of Labor Statistics found that 20% of businesses failed within the first year, and I believe many are due to superwoman syndrome.

There are so many stories of entrepreneurs who had to learn this lesson the hard way, from Arianna Huffington, the co-founder of The Huffington Post, to Sophia Amoruso, founder of Nasty Gal.

In 2007, after launching the news site, Huffington became consumed by the demands of running the business and regularly worked 18-hour days. In 2007, she collapsed from exhaustion and hit her head, resulting in a broken cheekbone and stitches.

This experience prompted her to reassess her priorities and make changes in her life and work. She stepped down as editor-in-chief of The Huffington Post in 2016 and launched Thrive Global, a company focused on wellness and reducing burnout.

Huffington has since spoken about the importance of taking care of oneself and avoiding the trap of “superwoman syndrome” in order to be successful in business.

Sophia Amoruso is another example of a founder falling into the “superwoman syndrome” trap. She launched the online clothing retailer Nasty Gal in 2006 as an eBay store and grew it into a successful brand with over $100 million in annual revenue.

However, Amoruso took on too much work herself and ultimately experienced burnout. In 2015, Amoruso stepped down as CEO of Nasty Gal after the company filed for bankruptcy.

She has since gone on to start a new company, Girlboss, which aims to provide resources and a community for women entrepreneurs. Amoruso has spoken publicly about the lessons she learned from her experience with Nasty Gal, including the importance of delegation and self-care in avoiding burnout.

I tell you these stories not to discourage you, rather, to remind you that none of us magically wake up one morning feeling like a “boss babe” from Instagram. It takes time, experience, and a willingness to change to become a leader who can live life on her terms.

You absolutely deserve to get there. And along the way, don’t forget to take off your superwoman cape and ask for help so you can bring people along for this incredible journey you’re starting! 

It’s like the legendary leader John Maxwell says, “Leadership doesn’t involve being ‘lonely at the top.’ If you’re at the top of a mountain alone, you’re not a leader, you’re a hiker.”

Dream big, but don’t stop with a dream. As quickly as possible, take a step toward that dream. Action creates clarity, and clarity will propel you to more action.

Don’t wait. I know you’ve got this.

Amy Porterfield teaches eight best-selling courses that empower women across the globe to take their futures into their own hands. She hosts the top-ranked marketing podcast Online Marketing Made Easy and author of the new book, Two Weeks Notice: Find the Courage to Quit Your Job, Make More Money, Work Where You Want, and Change the World.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Jamila Houser: Deputy Chief Underwriter – Agency Lending, PGIM Real Estate

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Jamila Houser“People often say ‘if you can see it, you can be it.’ Well if you don’t see it, does that mean you can’t be it?” challenges Jamila Houser.

Houser speaks honestly on qualifying yourself, showing up as you and the challenges of leveling up while finding your balance.

Getting Into The Door

With strong natural abilities in math and science, Houser grew up thinking her job options were becoming a doctor or an engineer.

But while picking up her second undergrad degree at Georgia Tech (in engineering), she realized that designing laptop fans—her final senior test —was not the gateway to her ideal field, as a naturally outgoing people person.

After working in consulting at Accenture, she moved towards a real estate concentration in her MBA at Georgia State, which eventually launched her into 17 years of moving up through the ranks with PGIM Real Estate so far—where she loves the people, culture, challenges and opportunities.

But getting that initial foot in the door was no small feat. Her resume lacked real estate experience and 75% of the job post read like a foreign language. So Houser chose to emphasize from her daily life how she was a bright individual with genuine passion for the space, who could learn and had the energy to come in, figure things out and get stuff done.

“What skills do you think you bring to the space and what is it that interests you most about this opportunity?” Houser advises to ask, emphasizing that as women we too often mistake that we have to tick every box.

“Forget the fact that you have no experience,” she says. “How can you communicate your interest in such a way that you convince them that you are worth the investment?”

She recommends to be aware of the energy you are bringing foremost, come with clarity on what skills you offer and clearly exemplify those skills and how they will add value.

She also attributes her success to managers who had the courage to do something different and invest in knowing and growing her.

“It’s so important that when people are choosing an organization to work with, they are interviewing that manager just as much as they are being interviewed,” notes Houser. “You want to go somewhere where there are people who see value in you and are going to do their part to help ensure your success.”

If You Can’t See It, Can You Still Be It?

Houser admits feeling like an outsider when she initially entered into finance those couple decades ago. The industry appeared to be a conservative, formal and stifled male world where she didn’t belong as a warm and friendly people person.

While there are far more women and women events since she entered the industry, Houser notes that it still takes energy to network in a conference room where she is one of few people of color, let alone senior women of color.

“I think for me personally I have had to get comfortable with being uncomfortable,” she says. Houser has learned to go into new roles as who she is, not measuring her compatibility for the role by the gender, skin color, personality or approach of her predecessor.

“I may not see someone who looks like me, talks like me, sounds like me, but I still see myself in people who are in leadership,” she notes. “You get to realize you’re not that different.”

“I’ve never met a stranger. I just love people,” says Houser. “And I can empathize and understand that the people I’m dealing with are in a large part influenced by the lenses they’ve developed over time. So I can build relationships in a way that allows us to get to know each other.”

Recently, in a Zoom presentation to several heads of business, a simple smile from one gentleman amidst a screen of faces reminded her: “You’re just talking to other regular human beings. You’re here, you have something to say and they’re here to listen to you.”

Leveling Up Your Skills and Brand

“I’ve built my brand on hard work,” says Houser, coming from a line of single mothers. Her own mother completed her Ph.D. across 20 years while also working three jobs.

“Hard work, determination and persistence caused me to rise in the organization very quickly up to a certain point. The earlier promotions happened automatically,” Houser observes. “But there comes a point where those qualities alone are not enough, and moving up through senior management levels requires mastering new skills.”

Houser admits she works to rebuild proficiency and confidence each time she levels up.

“I have to be very intentional about negative speak—especially when I’m going into new positions or new opportunities,” she says of the critical inner voices familiar to many of us. “How quickly can I cut that off?”

Houser is grateful for mentors and sponsors who have witnessed and magnified her strengths as well as been able to point out her subtler blindspots or gaps… and dissolve her false concerns.

With her recent promotion, she’s been facing the common leadership growth pains of moving from the “hardworking” brand she’s confidently built her career on to redefining her value by leading and supporting others to be effective and productive.

“I hold myself to a very high standard, probably unreasonably high,” says Houser, “so when you’re shifting to no longer being the doer but now the manager, you have to tone it down. Moving from colleague, or peer, to manager is a difficult transition that I’m still mastering.”

Rather than assume how her team wants her to support them, her approach has been to get very clear on what support her team needs from her while communicating what she needs and expects from her team.

At first it was difficult not to jump in and put her hand in everything out of habit, but the sheer volume of work has shifted her towards more delegation and trust, so she can focus on where she needs to go now too.

Finding Your Authentic Expression

Houser is an outcomes-driven person who has learned across time to bridge the conversation differently with those who are more process, detail or strategy-oriented, with their own inclinations and gifts.

One of her personal journeys has been finding her authentic expression in a professional setting, and letting that move with her.

“The switch flipped for me with authenticity that I can still be myself but there’s a way to be myself at work,” says Houser, noting her husband pointed out to her that her professional self is as much a part of her wholeness as her Sunday dinner self.

“I have had to wrestle with the idea of authenticity,” says Houser, “and I think I’ve become much more comfortable that I can be who I am and express how I express. I have found the right balance where I bring my authentic self but into the work setting.”

Bringing Others Up With You

“Once it clicked that not only do I have a seat at the table, but people also look up to me,” observes Houser, “I began to take the responsibility to lift others to success very seriously.”

While she used to be focused solely on her own contribution, Houser now spends most of her time looking around to see who she can advocate for, make visible and elevate, building the close mentor relationships she herself has valued as a mentee.

“I especially champion the ones who no one is thinking about, nobody is talking about, they’re not raising their hand,” she says. “They’re fine sitting over there and doing their job every day to a very high degree.”

“That gives me so much joy,” says Houser, “using the skills, the talent, the relationships, the knowledge I’ve gained to help someone else be successful.”

Practicing Self-Care to Show Up For Others

As many women share, being passionate about her job in the remote, 24/7 availability work environment and being a mother of ten and eight year old sons who are distant learning beside her at home has made creating balance more challenging.

“I’ve found that if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t show up and be there for my staff, for my kids or my husband,” observes Houser. “So though I may want to put my hand in all these efforts and do all of these things, I need to put my own oxygen mask on first.”

She has found declaring self-care recharge days and moments for herself to be a necessary grace. She plans to cultivate more intentional quality time and movie nights with her boys.

Houser finds meditative rhythm by running in a women’s group each morning come rain or snow, and gardening continues to be a lifelong love of hers, with a future interest in helping to create urban farms.

By Aimee Hansen

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What Tom Brady taught me about leadership: Op-ed

Tom BradyThere’s a common phrase about leadership that I believe is often misunderstood: great leaders are born. While it’s true that there’s undeniably talented people in the workforce, promotions and raises don’t just happen. It takes dedication, focus and hard work. And more often than not, your colleagues whose performance appears effortless are often working hard behind the scenes to develop their skills and improve.

When mentoring young professionals, I like to start with two important and accessible leadership lessons that I learned from the New England Patriots star quarterback, Tom Brady.

Say Yes More Often.

One of my former CEOs called me and said he needed me to represent the bank at a fundraising event – a football scrimmage, featuring some celebrity guests – to raise money for a great cause. While I love athletics, I had never tossed a football around, and participating in a football scrimmage was a bit out of my comfort zone. But my boss encouraged me to give it a shot, and I said, “yes.”

Later that day, I arrived at Harvard Stadium, and as I entered the locker room to prepare for the game, I quickly realized that I was surrounded by professional football players from the New England Patriots. And then, to top it all off, Brady walked to the front of the room and gave us all a little pep talk. It certainly was not the afternoon I expected when my boss casually asked me if I wanted to attend an event on behalf of the bank. I learned my first lesson.  Say yes to an opportunity even when it’s outside your comfort zone.

Brady went on to explain that he would be the quarterback for both teams and would pass the ball to the young adults whom this charitable organization helped support. Minutes before the end of the first half, Brady looked my way and said “Maria, this next one is headed to you.” As I started to plead with him to find another target, he fixed me with a rather disapproving look and said, “Hi, my name is Tom Brady, and I’m known for being a pretty good quarterback.” He shook my hand. “I usually can get a football to land where I want it to go. Will you trust me on this?  I know you can do it.”

That’s when I learned the second lesson of the day: even if you’re nervous, don’t be afraid to say yes and believe in yourself. It would have been a missed opportunity if I had said no, and a decision that I would have regretted years later. I am thankful that I was in the presence of a quarterback who knew what was best for the team, believed in me and encouraged me to try.

And you know what? I ran down the field and Brady hit me with a perfect pass. I caught it, kept running and scored a touchdown. Greatness can be found outside of your comfort zone, but you have to be willing to try.

Give your team confidence.

Brady believed in himself and showed me that I could trust him. And together, we were able to succeed.

In the following weeks, I realized there was a hidden lesson in this story that was not obvious. Brady showed me that to get the most out of your team, it’s important to remind them that you can deliver. You’re the quarterback who can put the ball right where your team needs it to be. Or you’re the team lead that can provide your colleagues with the confidence to run down the field, catch the ball, and score their own touchdown. There are many missed touchdown opportunities because we forget to see the whole field, and understand the impact we can have on the final result by encouraging our colleagues to live up to their best potential.

Leadership lessons can seem more accessible with the lightness of a sports analogy, but stepping outside of your comfort zone isn’t any easier on the football field than it is in business. The core lesson remains the same – a great opportunity isn’t going to land in your hands or in your inbox if you aren’t engaged and working to improve every day.

To find more happiness at work, say yes more often, step out of your comfort zone and encourage your team to do the same.

Guest contribution from Maria Tedesco, President of Atlantic Union Bank  

Author Bio:

Maria was named one of Most Powerful Women in Banking Team Award by American Banker in 2012 and 2017. In 2015, she was named one of the Most Powerful Women to Watch by American Banker. She received her M.B.A from Northeastern University and her B.S. from Ithaca College.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Women, Men, and the Two Sides of Confidence

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Professional Women

Guest Contributed by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic

Even when our assessment of other people’s competence is wrong, their self-confidence can still have self-fulfilling effects, opening doors and opportunities to those who simply seem more confident.

This is one of the reasons that so many well-intentioned people have advised women to be more confident to get ahead at work and in their careers. There are several problems with this kind of advice.

First, it fails to recognize that confidence has two sides. Although confidence is an internal belief, it also has an external side, which concerns how assertive you seem in the eyes of others. This external side of confidence is the most consequential because it is often mistaken for real competence.

The bottom line: regardless of how confident we feel internally, when we come across as confident to others, they will often assume that we are competent, at least until we prove them wrong.

This link between perceived confidence and competence is important. Although women are assumed to be less confident than men and some studies have shown that women appear to be less confident, a closer look at the research shows that women are internally confident. In fact, men and women are both overconfident—even if men are still more overconfident than women.
As Harvard Business School’s Robin Ely and Georgetown’s Catherine Tinsley write in the Harvard Business Review, the idea that women lack confidence is a “fallacy”:

That assertion is commonly invoked to explain why women speak up less in meetings and do not put themselves forward for promotions unless they are 100% certain they meet all the job requirements. But research does not corroborate the idea that women are less confident than men. Analyzing more than 200 studies, Kristen Kling and colleagues concluded that the only noticeable differences occurred during adolescence; starting at age 23, differences become negligible.

A team of European academics studied hundreds of engineers and replicated Kling’s finding, reporting that women do feel confident in general.21 But the researchers also noted that women’s confidence wasn’t always recognized by others. Although both women and men reported feeling confident, men were much more likely to be rated by other people as appearing confident. Women’s self-reports of confidence had no correlation with how others saw their confidence.

To make matters worse, for the female engineers, appearing confident had no leadership benefits at all. For the men, seeming confident translated into having influence, but for women, appearing confident did not have the same effect. To have any impact in the organization, the women had to be seen as confident, competent, and caring; all three traits were inseparable. For men, confidence alone translated into greater organizational clout, whereas a caring attitude had no effect on people’s perception of leadership potential.

We are, it seems, less likely to tolerate high confidence in women than we are in men. This bias creates a lose-lose situation for women. Since women are seen as less confident than men and since we see confidence as pivotal to leadership, we demand extra displays of confidence in women to consider them worthy of leadership positions. However, when a woman does seem as confident as, or more confident than, men, we are put off by her because high confidence does not fit our gender stereotypes.

If women don’t lack confidence, then why do we see differences in how men and women behave? Why are women less likely to apply to jobs or to request a promotion unless they’re 100 percent qualified? Why else would women speak less in meetings and be more likely to hedge their bets when making recommendations?

If the answer is not how women feel internally, it must be how they are perceived externally. In other words, differences in behavior arise not because of differences in how men and women are, but in how men and women are treated. This is what the evidence shows: women are less likely to get useful feedback, their mistakes are judged more harshly and remembered longer, their behavior is scrutinized more carefully, and their colleagues are less likely to share vital information with them. When women speak, they’re more likely to be interrupted or ignored.

In this context, it makes sense that even an extremely confident women would behave differently from a man. As Ely and Tinsley observed at a biotech company, the female research scientists were far less likely to speak up in meetings, even though in one-on-one interactions, they shared a lot of useful information. Leaders attributed this difference to a lack of confidence: “What these leaders had failed to see was that when women did speak in meetings, their ideas tended to be either ignored until a man restated them or shot down quickly if they contained even the slightest flaw. In contrast, when men’s ideas were flawed, the meritorious elements were salvaged. Women therefore felt they needed to be 110 percent sure of their ideas before they would venture to share them. In a context in which being smart was the coin of the realm, it seemed better to remain silent than to have one’s ideas repeatedly dismissed.” Thus, because we choose leaders by how confident they appear rather than by how confident or competent they are, we not only end up choosing more men to lead us but ultimately choose more-incompetent men.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic is the Chief Talent Scientist at ManpowerGroup, a professor of business psychology at University College London and at Columbia University, and an associate at Harvard’s Entrepreneurial Finance Lab. He has published nine books and over 130 scientific papers. His most recent book is Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders? (And How to Fix It)?

This article is adapted by permission of Harvard Business Review Press. Excerpted from Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders? (And How to Fix It)? by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic Copyright 2019 Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic. All rights reserved.

The opinions and views expressed by guest contributors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of theglasshammer.com

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How to be confident (even if you are not)

By Lisa Iarkowskihappy working women
Constant change and complex challenges at work can test the self-confidence of even the most accomplished of us. So how can we keep our confidence going strong, amidst the changes and challenges we’re facing? Studies in what social psychologists call “self-efficacy” may hold the key. Simply put, self-efficacy is our belief in our ability to accomplish a specific future task. When our belief in our ability is strong, we more readily take action, persevere through obstacles and adversity, and produce successful outcomes. And the stronger our self-efficacy, the more overall confidence we create for ourselves. The work of self-efficacy pioneer Albert Bandura and mindset expert Carol Dweck provides effective practices to help us strengthen our self-efficacy and build confidence for taking on future challenges.
 
Act – Learn – Succeed – Repeat
 
Bandura, identified “mastery experiences”— a cycle of taking action and succeeding–as the most effective way to increase self-efficacy, and thereby confidence. As authors Kay and Shipman discovered in their research for The Confidence Code confidence is both a product of and catalyst for action. When faced with a daunting challenge for which you are not feeling confident, ask yourself what other actions you can successfully take to practice using your relevant capabilities. Set SMART goals for those actions. For the cycle to work, choose stretch or “risk” actions in situations where you are assured of a successful outcome. The more you perform the cycle with successful results (even with different tasks and scenarios), the more self-efficacy and confidence you will develop to take action in new or challenging areas in the future.
 
As you work with the cycle, it’s crucial to practice learning from your experience. Psychologist Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset shows that effort, learning, and persistence are far more powerful pathways to success than a focus on innate talent or ability. Refocusing your mindset to what you can learn in any given situation will help you more readily take action and turn setbacks and failures into lessons learned for improvement, rather than personal defeats. Learning includes both your own self-reflection and getting feedback from others on how your efforts lead to success as well as how you work with obstacles and setbacks. The “STAR” question framework can help you and others reflect on your actions and lessons learned. Break down your experience with these four questions: What was the Situation (what, who)? What Task (intention, goal) were you trying to accomplish? What Actions did you take (what worked, what could work better)? What were your Results (how do the outcomes compare with your initial intent)? Learn from your experiences, and as you take on new challenges, begin with a growth mindset question: What can I learn from this experience?
 
Learn from Others
 
It’s easy to feel isolated when you are not feeling self-confident. But you don’t have to go it alone—nor should you. Bandura identified both learning from role models and verbal support from influential people in your life, such as mentors, as effective ways to increase self-efficacy.
 
Identifying role models who are similar to you and have succeeded in areas you want to succeed in is a powerful way of strengthening your belief in your abilities: “If other people like me can do it, so can I.” Start by identifying 2-3 role models. Then, look at the efforts they took to succeed. Finally, identify those efforts you can emulate.
 
A mentor–someone who believes in your capabilities and tells you so—can also be a valuable support to increasing self-efficacy and confidence. Maybe less obvious is the confidence you can gain from becoming a mentor yourself. In a recent discussion with theglasshammer.com, Erin Geiger, VP of Business Development  at Hackbright Academy in San Francisco, talked about the crucial role of mentoring—for both mentor and mentee–for building confidence in women engineers entering a competitive, male-dominated field. The San Francisco-based engineering boot camp for women includes a robust mentoring program and network that supports new engineers in and beyond the classroom. Geiger’s advice: “Become a role model and mentor. Let’s take an introvert. They may not think of themselves as a role model, but that confidence pushes out to others and it’s mutual. If somebody has a mentee, it can feed the confidence and morale of the most introverted introvert.”
 
Manage Your State
 
Bandura’s work shows that negative emotional and physical states, like stress or exhaustion, negatively influence our belief in our capabilities, weakening our self-efficacy and confidence. For example, if you feel exhausted during a presentation, you may find yourself believing that you are not a good presenter and then may shy away from a bigger role where presentations are featured. Chronic stress and exhaustion may be harder to pinpoint, but nonetheless they play a significant role in your self-efficacy and confidence. When you are not feeling confident about a task or situation, take into consideration your stress and tiredness as factors, obvious or not, and take steps to reduce them. Then revisit your situation and observe any change in your level of confidence. Likely you will find that you have a more productive, confident perspective that can support moving forward.
 
Using any one of these approaches, or better yet a combination of all of them, gives you a powerful practice for taking charge of your self-efficacy and confidence in even the most challenging situations.
 
Lisa Iarkowski is a Columbia University certified executive coach who helps women transition, reinvent, and reenergize their careers. Lisa has extensive experience leading and coaching individuals and teams in the publishing and technology industries. Lisa is a regular contributor to theglasshammer.com.
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Lean into Confidence

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women smilingConfidence is a big deal. It’s one of the biggest differences between men and women in the workplace. According to this infographic by Invisalign, women underestimate their abilities and performance even though their performance does not differ in quality from that of their male counterparts. It’s a common theme in the gender discourse. Men are overconfident in their abilities, while women struggle to advocate for themselves, particularly for things like equal pay.

And it shows. Women hold more than 50 percent of college degrees and more than 40 percent of MBAs, according to the KPMG Women’s Leadership Study, but less than 5 percent of Fortune 500 companies have female CEOs. Somewhere in the stretch between college and high-level positions, women get lost.

Young women enter the workplace full of confidence, with 43 percent aspiring to top manager roles. However, after a mere two years on the job, these levels drop to below 25 percent. There’s something that happens after women enter the workforce that steals away their enthusiasm.

It may be easy to say, “Yes, but women take a long break mid-career to have children.” Trust me – I have 3 kids, ages 4-8, and am compassionate for the unique type of stress working mothers face. Did having children require me to push pause on my career?Absolutely not.Does being an executive make me a better mother?For me, it does. My career completes me and sets a wonderful example of a strong woman for my three young boys.Recently, Marissa Mayer announced that she would not be taking a full maternity leave.I applaud her for being confident enough in herself to make that decision under intense public scrutiny.I have no doubt that her children are cared for and loved, and I am certain that her girls will grow up to be incredibly proud of the strong, female leader they get to call mom.

Leaders are created at a young age, and young girls aren’t encouraged to lead the same way that boys are. The “ban bossy” movement has been targeting this social phenomenon by giving parents the tools they need to embolden their daughters.

Of course, that’s all great for the women of the future, but what about us? What about those of us in the workforce striving to become CEOs of our own companies? We can’t wait around for the next generation to change what we want changed for ourselves.

If you feel as though you’re being held back in your career by a lack of self-confidence, do the following three things:

1. Define Your Own Success

Not everyone wants to be CEO of a Fortune 500 company. That’s ok. Maybe you want to grow your own company, or run a nonprofit, or be a mentor. It is important to define your own success early on in your career. Following a path predetermined by society will only make you unhappy in the long run. Really spend time thinking about your long-term goals.
This will ultimately make big decisions easier further on in your career. When you’re offered a new position, or you take on a new job, you can measure it against your long-term career goals and decide if it’s helping you move in the right direction.I was recently asked to run for Congress, and, as attractive as that may sound, it wasn’t compatible with my career goals.Not only did that make turning down that opportunity easier, it made me more self-assured in my decision.

2. Support Other Women

Women get a bad rap for not supporting other women. We’re sometimes envious of the way men can bond and connect in a way that women feel they can’t – we call it the “boy’s club.”
In reality, things aren’t actually as far off for women. Columbia Business School conducted a study and found that the “Queen Bee Syndrome,” in which women in power are more critical of female subordinates, is actually a myth.

Women do have a strong network that’s just as good as any boy’s club. Spend time cultivating your relationships, and support the women around you.

3. Stay Hungry

The best way to boost your own confidence is to excel at what you do. Never settle for just completing a task when you can blow it out of the water. Take on projects that are outside your comfort zone, and constantly work toward making yourself better.

Society is changing for the next generation, but you have to make change happen for you. Work at being self-confident, and others will be confident in you too.

By Melissa Beck

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It’s All (or at least mostly) About ME – How to Navigate Self-Promotion

Business meetingSomeone has just paid you a compliment about your achievements. How do you react?

According to a recent post on the HBR Blog network by Dorie Clark and Andy Molinsky, your answer to the above will vary depending on the cultural environment in which you were brought up. Self-promotion is not welcome in all cultures, especially those where humility and modesty are seen as admirable attributes. In countries like America however, self-promotion is culturally very acceptable. Some of you might think that such issues aren’t of great importance either because you don’t see the benefits of self-promotion, or because you work in cultures where self-promotion isn’t valued. Right? Think again.

Given the increasingly global nature of our work and workforces, you might come across self-promotion gurus much sooner than you expected. And what’s more, studies show they will be at an advantage over you as they will experience faster career progression and associated compensation. According to the 2011 Catalyst report (The myth of the ideal worker: Does really doing all the right things get women ahead?), self-promotion is one of the nine tactics which support career advancement. The report found that by “making achievements visible” – through seeking credit for your work, requesting additional performance feedback and asking to be considered for promotion when it is deserved –both men and women (although less so for women) saw positive gains in terms of career progression.

Staying invisible, staying forgotten

If this is indeed the case, then you can’t afford to ignore the art of self-promotion – especially if you’re foreign to America (or any self-promotion rich culture) and a woman. Molinsky suggests that global dexterity, the ability to adapt behavior depending on the cultural setting, is a way to address the challenge. He highlights that self-promotion is one of the six dimensions of cultural difference, and being aware of how self-promotion is viewed can be highly beneficial.

In cultures where self-promotion is not encouraged, the majority of employees believe that hard work alone will suffice in differentiating them from their peers. The issue arises when those employees transition to cultures where standing out from the crowd relies more on proactively seeking recognition. The same is true for women across all cultures who, compared to male peers, are less willing to talk about their achievements but would rather just get on with their work. Sylvia Ann Hewlett’s work on sponsorship found that many women “feel that getting ahead based on “connections” is a dirty tactic and that hard work alone is their ticket to the top”. They end up missing out on the potential to build their networks and thereby losing out on additional career advancement opportunities.

These foreign employees and some women fall into the bucket which author, David Zweig, has labeled as “Invisibles”; they are hard workers, full of potential, but lacking the motivation to stand in the spotlight and are sometimes forgotten when it is time for them to be recognized.

Heating up in the spotlight

This lack of affinity for the spotlight may be due to a number of reasons, including a desire to focus on the work at hand, not appreciating the benefit of self-promotion, or having seen self-promotion being done badly and therefore not willing to invest in such tactics. Most of us can point to a situation when we have seen self-promotion going wrong; like all things in life – you can have too much of it.

While putting yourself in the spotlight can have its advantages, leaving the spotlight on you can start to get uncomfortable – not just for you but for those around you. Focusing on “me, me, me” can be positive if there is a purpose, but if it is constant and seen to be bragging or narcissistic (which, according to a study by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, is more prevalent now (25%) compared to 1982 (15%)), it will not have the planned impact.

So how can you self-promote effectively with the desired outcome?

5 Steps to Successful Self-Promotion

Self-promotion is not about bragging or sucking up. Rather it is about ensuring your contributions are acknowledged and credit is given where due. There is a risk of not being recognized appropriately for those who choose not to embrace self-promotion when working in some cultures. Here are 5 practical steps to incorporating self-promotion in your career when working in self-promotion rich cultures or teams.

1. Confirm your objective:

Self-promotion should not be done without an objective in mind. Why do you need to promote yourself at this point? An example of a specific objective might be to highlight specific achievements ahead of your performance management reviews, so you are fairly recognized during appraisals. Without an objective it becomes bragging.

2. Be selective:

Because every act of self-promotion should have a specific objective, it is also important you are clear about who needs to be the recipient of your spiel. Going through the details of your strong performance with your peers will not have the same effect as a similar exercise with your manager. Not everyone needs to know.

3. Take an objective and fact-based approach:

“I’m not good at blowing my own trumpet”. If highlighting your achievements feels like showing off, take a fact-based approach. “The client highlighted that the way I led the delivery was critical to the project’s success” might be easier than “I led a very successful project”. By remaining objective and factual, you may find that it is easier to tell your story.

4. Remember your team:

While you should use “I” where appropriate to take credit for your individual contribution, it is also important to acknowledge contribution from others. Self-promotion should not result in distancing your team.

5. Just say “thank you”:

Being able to confidently accept credit for your work is also important. If others have recognized your contribution, there is no need to be self-deprecating to appear humble. Accept the recognition graciously with a thank you.

For women of all cultures, the above is particularly important. Catalyst reported that “77% of men were somewhat or very satisfied with their progress at increasing their salary compared to only 66% of women” as a result of applying their identified career advancement strategies. Tactics such as self-promotion only go some way to supporting career advancement for women, and while less effective for women than men, they are still worth investing in.

The most important thing to remember about self-promotion is that if you don’t do it, no one else can (or will) do it on your behalf.

By Nneka Orji

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Move Forward with Confidence

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women shaking handsGuest Contribution By Connie Certusi

Earlier this year, the Nasdaq topped 5,000 for the first time in almost 15 years. And, according to the 2014 Sage Business Index, almost three-quarters of women business leaders expect to see growth in their businesses this year.

Now is the time to move forward with confidence, since, as the Latin proverb teaches, “Fortune favors the bold.” Here are four simple confidence-boosters.

Use Social Media

If you’re not sure where to start, social media is a great tool for showcasing confidence in yourself and your business. Dust off that old LinkedIn profile and make sure it lets people know what you’re up to. Join a few LinkedIn Groups and share ideas; you’ll be surprised what a little group support can accomplish. If you’re not tweeting regularly, get on Twitter and talk to people: your customers, professional colleagues and anyone else you interact with in a professional way. And try using Facebook to reach out to new people; it still has a huge user base.

It’s imperative not to use these channels solely for marketing, however. Share good news for your company, ask for ideas, and just talk to people. Link to informative content from other sources to help establish your company as a place where people can get helpful information

And, don’t be afraid to be bold. Showcase an online persona connected to what you want to accomplish this year. Be authentic and, most importantly, be you.

Find a Mentor – or Better Yet, Become One

If you’ve been out in the business world for a while, you probably still remember what it was like when you were just starting out. Chances are, if you could go back and chat with yourself, you’d share all kinds of tips and tricks to boost confidence. But since you can’t go back, you can do the next best thing: find someone else to mentor. Help an up-and-coming woman learn the ins and outs of the business world, and you might even learn a thing or two from your mentee along the way.

If you’re just setting out on your own, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Look for local networking opportunities; a lot of communities have groups designed for just that purpose. Reach out to more experienced women. They’ll likely be happy to share wisdom that will boost your confidence and put you further down the path to success.

Get Outside Yourself

It can be hard to justify anything not directly tied to the bottom line, especially for small business leaders. But becoming a more integral part of your community can be a great long-term investment. If you want people to think of you first when they need a product or service you provide, they need to know who you are.

Get out there and make a difference in your local community. Speak to school groups or sponsor an activity at a local concert or fair. There are many great ways to give something back, and as you give you’ll probably receive, as well. In fact, with only 14 percent of women business leaders responding to the 2014 Sage Business Index survey saying they receive needed support from the government, building a good relationship can help you network with decision-makers in your city or state.

Get Organized

Nothing radiates confidence like someone who knows where she’s going and what she’s doing. And in a business setting, this requires having a plan. That all starts with getting your finances in order. It can be intimidating to make a long-term financial plan, but having a professional you trust to help can make it quite manageable.

According to the 2014 Sage Business Index, 40 percent of women business leaders expect headcount to grow in the coming year. Consider hiring an accountant who can help you figure out where you want to go and how you’re going to get there. Accountants are much more than tax preparers; they can be valuable business partners.

It’s not always easy to show confidence, but you might be surprised what you can accomplish with a more assertive attitude. And, if you must, “fake it till you make it.”

About the author

Connie leads the start-up and small business solutions business, encompassing Sage One, Sage Accountants Network and Sage 50 Accounting. She is also responsible for the Sage Employer Solutions products. With over 20 years of experience in the technology market serving small businesses, she has a passion for helping entrepreneurs and small business owners succeed. She lives in Atlanta.

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