Off the back of Facebook and Google’s announcement that employees will get financial assistance if they want to freeze their eggs, we look at what happens if you decide to take the plunge and have a child now. As any woman in the workforce or with a family can attest, there is no such thing as perfect timing when planning a baby but if you are thinking of doing it you need to choose your employer wisely. All employers are not created equal with leave and benefits especially in the U.S. where is the only one offering no paid compensation for maternity leave out of 21 high-income countries.
Tag Archive for: career advice
By Aimee Hansen
“Countless books and advisers tell you to start your leadership journey with a clear sense of who you are. But that can be a recipe for staying stuck in the past. Your leadership identity can and should change each time you move on to bigger and better things,” says Herminia Ibarra, professor of Leadership and Learning at INSEAD.
In an article entitled “The Authenticity Paradox” in Harvard Business Review’s January 2015 issue, Ibarra challenges the predominant views and momentum on authenticity to assert that “true to self” approaches can hinder leadership growth. She argues “a too rigid definition of authenticity can get in the way of effective leadership,” often keeping leaders from evolving as they gain new insight and experience.
“Because going against our natural inclinations can make us feel like impostors, we tend to latch on to authenticity as an excuse for sticking with what’s comfortable,” she explains. “In my research on leadership transitions, I have observed that career advances require all of us to move way beyond our comfort zones. At the same time, however, they trigger a strong countervailing impulse to protect our identities.”
Misunderstanding the Leadership Journey
How did we all come to revere “true to self” approaches? In her book ACT LIKE A LEADER, THINK LIKE A LEADER, Ibarra states the “holy grail of leadership development” that says you must navigate your way to leadership from a clear inner compass of who you are (inside-out development) is a fallacy derived from a research tradition of profiling highly effective leaders NOT the journey they took to get there. Ibarra’s research on the “development of leader identity” suggests that people become a leader by acting like a leader, which necessitates acting outside of your self-perceived identity rather than within it.
According to what she calls the out-sight principle, when it comes to leadership, what we do changes how we think, what we value, and who we see ourselves as – not the other way around. She writes, “Simply put, change happens from the outside in, not from the inside out.”
The Danger of Staying “True to Self” for Women
Ibarra spoke to us about how latching onto authenticity plays out for women. “The more common trap I see women falling into is not acting like a man but sticking too long to an authentic but outdated way of leading.”
She shared a scenario of role-transition in which both men and women were clearly out of their depths. “Women were more likely to try to prove their competence by demonstrating technical mastery over the long term; while men are more intent on making a positive first impression to create relationships.”
She explains how latching onto authenticity back-fired, “The women cited their reliance on ‘substance rather than form’ as a more ‘authentic’ strategy and thus as a source of pride; yet they were also frustrated with their inability to win their superiors’ and clients’ recognition.” She observed, “Despite the value they placed on authenticity, their cautious and protective behavior wasn’t necessarily true to self either, and they had a harder time enlisting others’ support because they were perceived as less adaptive and flexible than their male peers.”
Ibarra strongly emphasizes however “the divergent strategies of men and women are not due to issues of confidence or personality, i.e. women being more cautious, prudent or less risk taking and bold than men. What explains women’s heightened authenticity concerns is ‘second generation bias,’ defined as the powerful yet often invisible barriers to women’s advancement that arise from cultural beliefs about gender, as well as workplace structures, practices, and patterns of interaction that inadvertently favor men and accumulate to interfere with a woman’s ability to see herself and be seen by others as a leader.”
The antidote to that self-perception gap, of course, is leading. INSEAD research has shown that the more leadership experience women have, the less identity conflict they experience as a woman and a leader.
The authenticity paradox is especially acute for women in male-dominated companies. Ibarra told us, “Stepping up to leadership in male-dominated cultures is particularly challenging for women because they must establish credibility in cultures that equate leadership with behaviors that are more typical of men and where powerful female role models are scarce… If they ‘don’t look like a leader; to the seniors who evaluate their potential, they are less likely to get the assignments and sponsorship that are the heart of the learning cycle involved in becoming a leader.”
The Importance of Being “Adaptively Authentic”
In her HBR article, Ibarra encourages leaders to view themselves as works in progress with adaptive professional identities evolved through trial and error, acknowledging “That takes courage, because learning, by definition, starts with unnatural and often superficial behaviors that can make us feel calculating instead of genuine and spontaneous. But the only way to avoid being pigeonholed and ultimately become better leaders is to do the things that a rigidly authentic sense of self would keep us from doing.”
This takes more courage for women, because it can lead to a catch-22 as Ibarra shared with us, “When women are authentic, leading in less prototypical ways — crafting a vision collaboratively, for example, rather than boldly asserting a new direction — their contribution and potential is more likely to go unrecognized. But ‘chameleon’ strategies, that involve emulating the leadership styles of successful role models – as men are more apt to do – are less effective and less appealing to women in male-dominated leadership companies: they are evaluated negatively if they appear to be ‘acting like men’ and the styles that work for men are less likely to be a good fit for and appealing to them.”
In HBR, Ibarra proposes being “adaptively authentic”, a leadership approach that comes from embracing a playful attitude to identity rather than a protective one, a willingness to try out possible selves to figure out what’s right for new challenges.
Ibarra shared two thoughts with us for women under biased pressure to prove themselves as leaders, “First, often time you can play around with different ways of being in your side projects and extra curricular activities first, where the spotlight isn’t so bright. Second, you can’t underestimate the risk of doing just as you always have. At different points in your career you reach inflection points where the only way to ‘prove yourself’ is to just try new stuff because the old way clearly isn’t working.”
In HBR, she argues that being too internally focused can limit us, “Without the benefit of what I call out-sight — the valuable external perspective we get from experimenting with new leadership behaviors — habitual patterns of thought and action fence us in. To begin thinking like leaders, we must first act: plunge ourselves into new projects and activities, interact with very different kinds of people, and experiment with new ways of getting things done…Action changes who we are and what we believe is worth doing.”
Women and Adapting to Influence
Ibarra shared perspective on how women can influence leadership as they adapt to become better leaders, “Christine Lagarde (Managing Director of the IMF) has a lovely phrase for women: she says you have to ‘dare the difference,’ meaning dare to be different, to bring to your company your unique gifts, values and perspective as a woman and an individual. I can’t agree more.”
“But,” she cautions, “that doesn’t mean you don’t adapt to essential ‘leadership demands’ to think more strategically beyond your narrow area of expertise, to develop a full arsenal for selling your ideas to the people who have to buy in to make them reality, and to stretch your style so that you can inspire and persuade a more diverse audience. Being authentic doesn’t mean you just say ‘It’s not me to go out on a limb;’ it means you experiment until you find new ways of leading that work and also feel authentic.”
Guest contribution by Beate Chelette
It happens to even the best communicators, especially when we are having that kind of day. One thing pushes us to the edge of our tolerance and the voice inside our head says, “You have to confront her about this.” And we do—with disastrous consequences.
The calm yet firm conversation we had intended somehow turned into a much bigger issue than the one we had before. Now she is avoiding you, working around you, and giving you the cold shoulder. The problem is that she may be your boss or a key person within the company. You have a nagging suspicion your confrontation was bad for your career and may have just turned your office life into living hell.
When someone rubs us the wrong way and we want to let them know it, chances are we’ve made judgments based on our PERCEPTIONS of that person or the situation. We don’t know what she (or he) really thinks, feels, or is going through. Perhaps she is dealing with excruciating personal pain. Everyone has a story.
Direct confrontations usually don’t fix anything because they follow the outdated “I win, you lose” model. We are living in a collaborative, communal environment (compared to when gurus where all the rage) and we need to shift our approach.
The key to dissolving the issues you are facing is to identify where the problems lie. In 90% of cases, miscommunication and drawing incorrect conclusions are the root causes. Start by detaching yourself from the situation and look at the issue/problem/incident objectively. Switch the language you use from “you did/I think” to “when that happened/that incident was.”
It’s important to know your desired outcome before you go into fixing mode. Do you want to have a better relationship with your co-worker? Do you want to improve team collaboration, office communication, or work processes? Your primary goal will be the focus of what you say.
Clarifying miscommunications is how we start to repair a strained relationship. It’s also where we apply the first Pillar of The Women’s Code—awareness.
Awareness
Our perceptions are often based on assumptions. Have you ever been furious at someone for what she did to you, only to find out later that she was genuinely trying to help? That’s what happens when we act without knowing the other side of the story. Ask yourself, “What is the real issue here? Was I right to confront her? Did I act on facts or did I act on assumptions?”
Now what?
We start by offering a genuine apology. “I am sorry I…confronted you; called you out in front of the group; made a snarky comment; wrote the one-sided email; acted without understanding where you are coming from and without hearing your story first…”
We try to improve communications. Do this by giving a compliment. Trust me on this—it works wonders! The caveat is that it MUST be sincere or else we come across as fake. Try a simple compliment like: “I admire how fiercely you negotiate; I like how professionally you dress; I appreciate how you lead meetings…”
Most of the time when we give, we get something back. Watch for the sign. If you get a compliment or a nicety in return, you can skip the next step.
If we don’t receive a signal of truce, we’ll need to do more softening. Make the incident impersonal while still taking responsibility. “When the confrontation happened, I don’t know what got into me. I realize it was not appropriate.” Or simply say, “I wanted to make things better, not worse, but my approach backfired. I don’t want the tension between us to continue.” The key here is to take full responsibility for your part. After all, nobody is perfect. Keep it clear and concise, remain apologetic, admit making a mistake, and above all—be honest and genuine.
Our final step is to focus on the future. Don’t allow the conversation to dive deeply into an explanation of the mistake you made. Instead, guide the conversation by painting a picture of what is next. “What can I do to fix this situation? I’d love to hear your ideas on how to avoid this in the future. Would it be helpful if we plan to meet more often or have a daily check-in? What kind of updates would you like from me? I want to make this work…”
We all make mistakes, so we may as do something useful with them. Don’t feed a situation more negative energy. Seek ways to reconcile and resolve the issue as soon as possible. And please share what you learn so others can avoid similar pitfalls.
Let me know how these suggestions help you. I’d love to hear your tips for mending strained relationships!
At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion-dollar deal. Today she is a respected speaker, career coach, consummate entrepreneur, Author of Happy Woman Happy World, and founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to leadership, and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private and digital world. Determined to build a community of women helping each other, she took her formula and turned her life around into a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!” She spends her time helping people and companies transform leadership and success, sharing her foolproof fix “From Overwhelmed to Awesome.”
Guest advice and opinions not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com
This Week’s Tip Is…
Know your bottom line. On Everything. Where are your boundaries?
Last week we talked about “Everyday Negotiations” in Career Tip of the week. What is your bottom line? What is acceptable and what is out of the question?. Know this ahead of every meeting!
Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career.
By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist
Observing gender diversity progress at top executive levels and in the Fortune 1000 boardroom is like watching an uncommitted jogger – we’re moving in the right direction, but where’s the pace?
INSEAD’s Van Der Hyden commented that reaching “historic highs” of 4.8% female Fortune 500 CEOs isn’t exactly impressive as it’s touted: “A more accurate statement is that when one starts at (or near) zero any positive change is (almost) infinite progress.”
In a recent article, Van Der Hyden points out that “the barriers (behaviors, labels, biases…) that prohibit the progression of women to the top are deep-rooted, pernicious, and ubiquitous… and much more prevalent than we imagine and recognise.”
These include serious pay disparities on top jobs, traditional-values skewed decision making, limiting perceptions around career path, women being mentored more but sponsored less than men, for a few.
Our founder and CEO Nicki Gilmour summed up 2014 boardroom figures as “Groundhog Day”: 17.7% of board positions are held by women in the Fortune 1000, a gain of 90 board seats during 2014. The US trails Europe in female board representation in S&P companies.
A recent study shows that the reason we may feel like we’re running in circles is that the boardroom has a revolving door.
“Running in Place”
A recent study entitled “Progress on gender diversity for corporate boards: Are we running in place?” analysed field data from more than 3000 companies across 9 years and found that voluntary gender equality efforts are hampered by a tendency towards gender matching – the tendency to pick a female board member when a female board member leaves and a male board member when a male board member leaves.
This is an obvious equation for perpetuating the status quo that the researchers point out could seriously undermine voluntary goals to build gender equality over time.
“The predominance of male directors results in a self-perpetuating outcome,” the researchers wrote. “The more women on the board, the better the chance they will further increase their representation, but these estimates suggest that it is a slow process, and not a gender-neutral one.”
The researchers conducted laboratory studies to understand the field evidence, and it revealed that the gender matching dynamic operates underneath stated and articulated thought processes. Participants judge gender as an insignificant factor when directly asked about it and give different reasons for their selections. “Yet, when controlling for these other reasons,” the researchers reported, “the gender of the departing candidate still plays a powerful role of determining the gender of the candidate selected.”
The researchers also found that talking about the importance of diversity did not increase the chances a woman candidate would be selected to replace a departing male executive. What did help was increasing the ratio of women in the candidate pool, but still a strong gender-matching effect remained.
In other words, banging the diversity drum doesn’t change boardroom composition towards greater gender equality.
Changing boardroom composition does.
The researchers report, “Our results suggest that the glacial pace at which women’s participation on boards is increasing may stem from a sub-conscious heuristic that guides people’s decisions towards using the gender of the departing director as a cue to the appropriate choice of a replacement…valuing diversity may not be sufficient to increase boardroom gender diversity.”
Getting Real about Results
Quotas, which can attract highly qualified applicants, are incredibly controversial but a more restrictive word for women is status quo. We can talk our way around diversity all day, and still not hit on the unconscious and ingrained dynamics that are at play even after everybody walks away from the table nodding their head, and indeed, while at it.
Researchers struggle to see how gender equality will show any real progression at a voluntary rate without public targets. Legislation and mandatory quotas are not generally favored in the USA environment. However, some non-quota initiatives recommended to improve boardroom diversity include “short-term goal setting, targeting, and disclosure, and a long-term focus on increasing the pipeline of qualified female board candidates.”
While women-led campaigns can push for results, getting more highly qualified at executive levels and in the boardroom comes down to companies delivering by taking up those initiatives with commitment, which poses a question.
What else are corporations truly committed to achieving that they do not set tangible, measurable, and reported targets for? And if they don’t set targets, are they committed?
By Aimee Hansen

This Week’s Tip Is…
Negotiating isn’t just that once a year pay discussion and it is not just about money.
Read “Everyday Negotiations” by Deborah Kolb and Judith Williams to understand the power dynamics of everyday at the office.
Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career
By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist
By Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)
What is it that keeps women from ascending to executive levels in business in numbers comparable to men? It’s not for lack of commitment or ambition. It’s not a matter of skill level or about being “tough enough.” It’s not even about negative perceptions on women’s ability to turn a profit.
What it is, is bias. It’s a culture created by men and women that offers men greater opportunities to succeed, while holding women to higher standards. And now, finally, the American public is actually coming to terms with the double-standards keeping women out of leadership roles. In fact, in a recent Pew survey, the majority of respondents acknowledged that women do, in fact, face a tougher road to the top, even today.
“Americans widely believe that men have a better shot at leadership positions in business and politics, even as majorities say that men and women make equally good leaders,” the Pew report states.
In the survey, majorities (including both women and men) agreed that there aren’t many women in executive leadership because companies simply aren’t ready to hire women leaders. It was also recognized that it is because women are held to higher standards than men. Yet, respondents also said women would do just as good a job as men.
The Pew study illuminates a point of view The Glass Hammer has supported for many years. That is: women are not the ones who need changing. The reason women are not advancing into senior leadership roles in greater numbers is because they are locked out by institutional, systemic biases that favor men over women implicitly.
Yet, this runs contrary to so much of the professional advice offered to women – to do more of this or less of that, to behave more in one way or another. Lean in, lean out, be nice, be tough, always wear heels, never let them see you cry. These pieces of advice may work for some women or they may not. Many women may find power or inspiration there, while others may find them empty promises. But they will not fix the problem that persists to this day, that the corporate world is set up to give the benefit of the doubt to men over women every time when it comes to promotion and advancement.
As of January, there were only 26 female Fortune 500 CEOs, according to Pew. And it’s taken 20 years to reach that puny five percent threshold. This year’s International Women’s Day theme is “Empowering Women, Empowering Humanity: Picture it!” At this rate, what will the picture of women in leadership be in another twenty years? Is ten percent good enough?
We, as a culture, can do vastly more for women and we should. It will take work by all of us, though, and real acknowledgment from powerful business leaders – both male and female – that double standards are keeping talented, driven women from succeeding. Change starts at the top but is lived by everyone.
Double Standards by the Numbers
Looking at Pew’s numbers, it’s clear that the majority of respondents – a sample of almost 3,000 US adults – agree that women face double standards in the workplace.
Two-thirds of respondents (67 percent) said the reason there aren’t many women running major corporations is that many businesses just “aren’t ready” for to hire women for top jobs. Two in five (43 percent) said this was a “major” reason there weren’t more women in executive positions while 24 percent cited it as a “minor” reason.
Almost the same share (65 percent) of respondents said that women have to “do more to prove themselves,” and the “major” and “minor breakdowns were almost identical.
In comparison, 58 percent of respondents said they believe women’s responsibilities to their families don’t leave much time for executive leadership, with a quarter (23 percent) designating this is a “major” factor that there aren’t more women running companies, while 35 percent cited it as a “minor” factor.
Respondents were also asked to compare whether men or women are more suited toward certain characteristics. A third (34 percent) said women were better at “working out compromises,” while only 9 percent said men were better at that task. Over half (55 percent) said there was no difference between the genders here. Similarly, 31 percent said women were better at being “honest and ethical,” while three percent said men were, and 64 percent said there was no difference between the genders. Three quarters of respondents said there was no difference between the genders when it came to “negotiating deals,” while 18 percent said men were better suited to this task then women, and seven percent said women were better suited to it.
Finally, a third (34%) said men were better at being willing to take risks than women, while five percent said women were better than men at taking risks, and 58 percent said there was no difference between men and women here.
Indeed, men’s propensity for risky behavior has been studied, lauded, condemned, and questioned in equal measure.
Perhaps its time for men, who make up the vast majority of senior business leaders, to take a risk and openly support the advancement of women, by using their influence to challenge unfair workplace institutions and gender biases.
This Week’s Tip Is…
Know your individual needs and values.
Everyone is different. Understand what makes you tick ( and by working with a coach who can work with you/ run psychometric instruments to help you know more about yourself) you can see which types of organizational cultures will best support your needs. Is it about that free coffee in the morning for you or are you wanting to get in and out and need flexibility to do so? These things matter, despite seeming small.
Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career.
By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist
This Week’s Tip Is…
Who is in your network? Who do you eat lunch with?
Do a network audit- is there only one type of person in your network? If this cuts along the lines of social identity (gender, ethnicity, LGBT status, class, nationality etc) or even functionality (department and teams) then make a conscious effort to go to lunch with someone different to you. If you only eat lunch with women, ask your male colleagues out for lunch to talk about a business issue.
Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career.
By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist
This Week’s Tip Is…
Look for your own blind spots and address them.
Many women are sexist against other women and sometimes it is on a very unconscious level. Examine how you treat the men and women in your team and what behaviors you expect from both genders. Are you stereotyping jobs and types of tasks based on gender?
Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career.
By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist
The Glass Hammer
Executive coaching, leadership development coaching and career navigation coaching for women looking to develop, advance and lead in top roles.
