Tag Archive for: career advice

Guest contribution by Beate Chelette

It happens to even the best communicators, especially when we are having that kind of day. One thing pushes us to the edge of our tolerance and the voice inside our head says, “You have to confront her about this.” And we do—with disastrous consequences.

The calm yet firm conversation we had intended somehow turned into a much bigger issue than the one we had before. Now she is avoiding you, working around you, and giving you the cold shoulder. The problem is that she may be your boss or a key person within the company. You have a nagging suspicion your confrontation was bad for your career and may have just turned your office life into living hell.

When someone rubs us the wrong way and we want to let them know it, chances are we’ve made judgments based on our PERCEPTIONS of that person or the situation. We don’t know what she (or he) really thinks, feels, or is going through. Perhaps she is dealing with excruciating personal pain. Everyone has a story.

Direct confrontations usually don’t fix anything because they follow the outdated “I win, you lose” model. We are living in a collaborative, communal environment (compared to when gurus where all the rage) and we need to shift our approach.

The key to dissolving the issues you are facing is to identify where the problems lie. In 90% of cases, miscommunication and drawing incorrect conclusions are the root causes. Start by detaching yourself from the situation and look at the issue/problem/incident objectively. Switch the language you use from “you did/I think” to “when that happened/that incident was.”

It’s important to know your desired outcome before you go into fixing mode. Do you want to have a better relationship with your co-worker? Do you want to improve team collaboration, office communication, or work processes? Your primary goal will be the focus of what you say.

Clarifying miscommunications is how we start to repair a strained relationship. It’s also where we apply the first Pillar of The Women’s Code—awareness.

Awareness

Our perceptions are often based on assumptions. Have you ever been furious at someone for what she did to you, only to find out later that she was genuinely trying to help? That’s what happens when we act without knowing the other side of the story. Ask yourself, “What is the real issue here? Was I right to confront her? Did I act on facts or did I act on assumptions?”

Now what?

We start by offering a genuine apology. “I am sorry I…confronted you; called you out in front of the group; made a snarky comment; wrote the one-sided email; acted without understanding where you are coming from and without hearing your story first…”

We try to improve communications. Do this by giving a compliment. Trust me on this—it works wonders! The caveat is that it MUST be sincere or else we come across as fake. Try a simple compliment like: “I admire how fiercely you negotiate; I like how professionally you dress; I appreciate how you lead meetings…”

Most of the time when we give, we get something back. Watch for the sign. If you get a compliment or a nicety in return, you can skip the next step.

If we don’t receive a signal of truce, we’ll need to do more softening. Make the incident impersonal while still taking responsibility. “When the confrontation happened, I don’t know what got into me. I realize it was not appropriate.” Or simply say, “I wanted to make things better, not worse, but my approach backfired. I don’t want the tension between us to continue.” The key here is to take full responsibility for your part. After all, nobody is perfect. Keep it clear and concise, remain apologetic, admit making a mistake, and above all—be honest and genuine.

Our final step is to focus on the future. Don’t allow the conversation to dive deeply into an explanation of the mistake you made. Instead, guide the conversation by painting a picture of what is next. “What can I do to fix this situation? I’d love to hear your ideas on how to avoid this in the future. Would it be helpful if we plan to meet more often or have a daily check-in? What kind of updates would you like from me? I want to make this work…”

We all make mistakes, so we may as do something useful with them. Don’t feed a situation more negative energy. Seek ways to reconcile and resolve the issue as soon as possible. And please share what you learn so others can avoid similar pitfalls.

Let me know how these suggestions help you. I’d love to hear your tips for mending strained relationships!

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion-dollar deal. Today she is a respected speaker, career coach, consummate entrepreneur, Author of Happy Woman Happy World, and founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to leadership, and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private and digital world.  Determined to build a community of women helping each other, she took her formula and turned her life around into a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!” She spends her time helping people and companies transform leadership and success, sharing her foolproof fix “From Overwhelmed to Awesome.”

Guest advice and opinions not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

Nicki GilmourThis Week’s Tip Is…

Know your bottom line. On Everything. Where are your boundaries?

Last week we talked about “Everyday Negotiations” in Career Tip of the week. What is your bottom line? What is acceptable and what is out of the question?. Know this ahead of every meeting!

Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Observing gender diversity progress at top executive levels and in the Fortune 1000 boardroom is like watching an uncommitted jogger – we’re moving in the right direction, but where’s the pace?

INSEAD’s Van Der Hyden commented that reaching “historic highs” of 4.8% female Fortune 500 CEOs isn’t exactly impressive as it’s touted: “A more accurate statement is that when one starts at (or near) zero any positive change is (almost) infinite progress.”

In a recent article, Van Der Hyden points out that “the barriers (behaviors, labels, biases…) that prohibit the progression of women to the top are deep-rooted, pernicious, and ubiquitous… and much more prevalent than we imagine and recognise.”

These include serious pay disparities on top jobs, traditional-values skewed decision making, limiting perceptions around career path, women being mentored more but sponsored less than men, for a few.

Our founder and CEO Nicki Gilmour summed up 2014 boardroom figures as “Groundhog Day”: 17.7% of board positions are held by women in the Fortune 1000, a gain of 90 board seats during 2014. The US trails Europe in female board representation in S&P companies.

A recent study shows that the reason we may feel like we’re running in circles is that the boardroom has a revolving door.

“Running in Place”

A recent study entitled “Progress on gender diversity for corporate boards: Are we running in place?” analysed field data from more than 3000 companies across 9 years and found that voluntary gender equality efforts are hampered by a tendency towards gender matching – the tendency to pick a female board member when a female board member leaves and a male board member when a male board member leaves.

This is an obvious equation for perpetuating the status quo that the researchers point out could seriously undermine voluntary goals to build gender equality over time.

“The predominance of male directors results in a self-perpetuating outcome,” the researchers wrote. “The more women on the board, the better the chance they will further increase their representation, but these estimates suggest that it is a slow process, and not a gender-neutral one.”

The researchers conducted laboratory studies to understand the field evidence, and it revealed that the gender matching dynamic operates underneath stated and articulated thought processes. Participants judge gender as an insignificant factor when directly asked about it and give different reasons for their selections. “Yet, when controlling for these other reasons,” the researchers reported, “the gender of the departing candidate still plays a powerful role of determining the gender of the candidate selected.”

The researchers also found that talking about the importance of diversity did not increase the chances a woman candidate would be selected to replace a departing male executive. What did help was increasing the ratio of women in the candidate pool, but still a strong gender-matching effect remained.

In other words, banging the diversity drum doesn’t change boardroom composition towards greater gender equality.

Changing boardroom composition does.

The researchers report, “Our results suggest that the glacial pace at which women’s participation on boards is increasing may stem from a sub-conscious heuristic that guides people’s decisions towards using the gender of the departing director as a cue to the appropriate choice of a replacement…valuing diversity may not be sufficient to increase boardroom gender diversity.”

Getting Real about Results

Quotas, which can attract highly qualified applicants, are incredibly controversial but a more restrictive word for women is status quo. We can talk our way around diversity all day, and still not hit on the unconscious and ingrained dynamics that are at play even after everybody walks away from the table nodding their head, and indeed, while at it.

Researchers struggle to see how gender equality will show any real progression at a voluntary rate without public targets. Legislation and mandatory quotas are not generally favored in the USA environment. However, some non-quota initiatives recommended to improve boardroom diversity include “short-term goal setting, targeting, and disclosure, and a long-term focus on increasing the pipeline of qualified female board candidates.”

While women-led campaigns can push for results, getting more highly qualified at executive levels and in the boardroom comes down to companies delivering by taking up those initiatives with commitment, which poses a question.

What else are corporations truly committed to achieving that they do not set tangible, measurable, and reported targets for? And if they don’t set targets, are they committed?

By Aimee Hansen

Nicki-Gilmour-bio

This Week’s Tip Is…

Negotiating isn’t just that once a year pay discussion and it is not just about money.

Read “Everyday Negotiations” by Deborah Kolb and Judith Williams to understand the power dynamics of everyday at the office.

Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

IWDBy Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

What is it that keeps women from ascending to executive levels in business in numbers comparable to men? It’s not for lack of commitment or ambition. It’s not a matter of skill level or about being “tough enough.” It’s not even about negative perceptions on women’s ability to turn a profit.

What it is, is bias. It’s a culture created by men and women that offers men greater opportunities to succeed, while holding women to higher standards. And now, finally, the American public is actually coming to terms with the double-standards keeping women out of leadership roles. In fact, in a recent Pew survey, the majority of respondents acknowledged that women do, in fact, face a tougher road to the top, even today.

“Americans widely believe that men have a better shot at leadership positions in business and politics, even as majorities say that men and women make equally good leaders,” the Pew report states.

In the survey, majorities (including both women and men) agreed that there aren’t many women in executive leadership because companies simply aren’t ready to hire women leaders. It was also recognized that it is because women are held to higher standards than men. Yet, respondents also said women would do just as good a job as men.

The Pew study illuminates a point of view The Glass Hammer has supported for many years. That is: women are not the ones who need changing. The reason women are not advancing into senior leadership roles in greater numbers is because they are locked out by institutional, systemic biases that favor men over women implicitly.

Yet, this runs contrary to so much of the professional advice offered to women – to do more of this or less of that, to behave more in one way or another. Lean in, lean out, be nice, be tough, always wear heels, never let them see you cry. These pieces of advice may work for some women or they may not. Many women may find power or inspiration there, while others may find them empty promises. But they will not fix the problem that persists to this day, that the corporate world is set up to give the benefit of the doubt to men over women every time when it comes to promotion and advancement.

As of January, there were only 26 female Fortune 500 CEOs, according to Pew. And it’s taken 20 years to reach that puny five percent threshold. This year’s International Women’s Day theme is “Empowering Women, Empowering Humanity: Picture it!” At this rate, what will the picture of women in leadership be in another twenty years? Is ten percent good enough?

We, as a culture, can do vastly more for women and we should. It will take work by all of us, though, and real acknowledgment from powerful business leaders – both male and female – that double standards are keeping talented, driven women from succeeding. Change starts at the top but is lived by everyone.

Double Standards by the Numbers

Looking at Pew’s numbers, it’s clear that the majority of respondents – a sample of almost 3,000 US adults – agree that women face double standards in the workplace.

Two-thirds of respondents (67 percent) said the reason there aren’t many women running major corporations is that many businesses just “aren’t ready” for to hire women for top jobs. Two in five (43 percent) said this was a “major” reason there weren’t more women in executive positions while 24 percent cited it as a “minor” reason.

Almost the same share (65 percent) of respondents said that women have to “do more to prove themselves,” and the “major” and “minor breakdowns were almost identical.
In comparison, 58 percent of respondents said they believe women’s responsibilities to their families don’t leave much time for executive leadership, with a quarter (23 percent) designating this is a “major” factor that there aren’t more women running companies, while 35 percent cited it as a “minor” factor.

Respondents were also asked to compare whether men or women are more suited toward certain characteristics. A third (34 percent) said women were better at “working out compromises,” while only 9 percent said men were better at that task. Over half (55 percent) said there was no difference between the genders here. Similarly, 31 percent said women were better at being “honest and ethical,” while three percent said men were, and 64 percent said there was no difference between the genders. Three quarters of respondents said there was no difference between the genders when it came to “negotiating deals,” while 18 percent said men were better suited to this task then women, and seven percent said women were better suited to it.

Finally, a third (34%) said men were better at being willing to take risks than women, while five percent said women were better than men at taking risks, and 58 percent said there was no difference between men and women here.

Indeed, men’s propensity for risky behavior has been studied, lauded, condemned, and questioned in equal measure.
Perhaps its time for men, who make up the vast majority of senior business leaders, to take a risk and openly support the advancement of women, by using their influence to challenge unfair workplace institutions and gender biases.

Nicki-Gilmour-bioThis Week’s Tip Is…

Know your individual needs and values.

Everyone is different. Understand what makes you tick ( and by working with a coach who can work with you/ run psychometric instruments to help you know more about yourself) you can see which types of organizational cultures will best support your needs. Is it about that free coffee in the morning for you or are you wanting to get in and out and need flexibility to do so? These things matter, despite seeming small.

Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Nicki GilmourThis Week’s Tip Is…

Who is in your network? Who do you eat lunch with?

Do a network audit- is there only one type of person in your network? If this cuts along the lines of social identity (gender, ethnicity, LGBT status, class, nationality etc) or even functionality (department and teams) then make a conscious effort to go to lunch with someone different to you. If you only eat lunch with women, ask your male colleagues out for lunch to talk about a business issue.

Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Nicki-Gilmour-bioThis Week’s Tip Is…

Look for your own blind spots and address them.

Many women are sexist against other women and sometimes it is on a very unconscious level. Examine how you treat the men and women in your team and what behaviors you expect from both genders. Are you stereotyping jobs and types of tasks based on gender?

Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Elegant leaderMuch of what I read about advancing women’s careers has been from the perspective of women. Although this is an important dialogue that we must continue, we are all—women and men—responsible for maintaining a diverse, inclusive culture. By bringing men—especially business leaders—into the conversation, we can reach the best possible solution, so that everyone walks away from the table feeling like they have gained something.

As part of my role at PwC, I lead a series of dialogues with our male leaders that aim not only to educate but also to provide a forum for talking candidly about the challenges they face as they work to strengthen the sense of inclusion our professionals feel in our firm. Bob Moritz, PwC’s chairman and senior partner, has set the tone at the top by prioritizing diversity and inclusion; creating lasting change, however, this requires that all our partners, principals and staff participate in bringing that vision to life.

We have made significant progress, but this journey requires patience, courage and the ability to communicate across differences. In a negotiation, when the parties stop communicating, the process can break down.

Before I delve into what men stand to gain from supporting the advancement of women, let’s take a look at a few ways communications can break down and what we can do about them:

1) Failed connections – In their recent New York Times article, “Speaking While Female,” Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant examined an unpleasant gender bias professional women often face during meetings: the risk of being interrupted and unheard (although a man saying the same thing will get nods of approval) or the risk of being disliked or considered too aggressive. For example, a male TV producer helped craft a solution (no interruptions during pitches) that made the entire team more effective. Had the suggestion come from a woman, it might also have gone unheard – thus highlighting the important role men can play in recognizing subtle biases and leveling the playing field for women, so all perspectives can be heard.

2) Fear of engagement – All too often, even well-meaning men don’t speak up for women because they fear making a mistake or being criticized. For example, some white males at PwC have voiced concerns about being automatically labeled “the bad guys” during diversity discussions. As another article by Adam Grant pointed out, individuals struggle to speak for or help groups with which they don’t identify. That changes once the individuals feel they have a vested interest. Helping men and women build stronger relationships and identify opportunities for mutual gain, such as through candid and collaborative dialogues, can be a big part of the solution.

3) Questioned intent – I’ve also heard from well-meaning men that they sometimes feel that women resist their efforts to reach out. Women either did not realize assistance was being offered or they wanted to prove they could do it on their own. We all need to be more attuned to those around us and give them the benefit of the doubt. And men may need to re-examine their approach to help make sure that it is respectful and authentic without the implication that men are here to solve women’s problems.

So with these potential pitfalls in mind, what do men (and the organizations they work for) stand to gain from stepping out of their comfort zone and helping advance women’s careers?

1) Enhanced leadership skills – Investing in relationships and building trust are key leadership skills. When men sponsor and mentor only those who look like them, they overlook important leadership opportunities and alienate potential allies. At PwC, we require our firm leaders to have had distinctive experiences working with diverse professionals, because we believe it will help them broaden their perspectives, while creating a more inclusive environment.

2) Financial success – Many organizations tie leaders’ salaries and promotions to the success of their unit or the overall organization. Several studies show that organizations perform better when women are well represented. PwC’s own research also demonstrates the critical importance of this issue. Bottom line: Diversity drives innovation—a necessity in today’s fast-changing business world. Moreover, when women feel leaders appreciate their contributions and are optimistic about their professional futures, employee engagement increases and turnover decreases—another win-win, particularly given the shortage of skilled talent.

3) Market relevance – In an increasingly complex and global business environment, the ability to work, manage and communicate with people who are different from you is an essential skill. A better understanding of the challenges for women in the workplace can improve men’s interactions with clients and other stakeholders, who increasingly expect cultural dexterity from service professionals. Men who can easily and effectively work and build bridges with diverse stakeholders create opportunities for themselves and their organizations.

4) Personal gain – Like women, many men are more than just business professionals – they are fathers, husbands, uncles and grandfathers. Research from Catalyst shows that gender equality provides significant personal benefits to men, including better health and enhanced relationships with your spouse or partner.

With a lot to gain and little to lose, all men, particularly the business world’s white male majority, need to join the conversation about advancing women. The launch of the HeForSheCampaign’s “10X10X10” initiative, for which PwC is a founding sponsor, at the World Economic Forum in Davos last month, should help take that conversation to a new level, but we as a society still have a long way to go to drive lasting change.

As I’ve learned in my discussions, this change won’t come naturally to all. Organizations need to create safe forums where both parties can share their perspectives and educate their people, because even the most well-intentioned individuals may have blind spots. Women can help bring men into diversity conversations by inviting male colleagues to participate in women’s networking events and encouraging them to act as “allies.” I also encourage my female colleagues at PwC to reach out to senior male colleagues to find common ground. We are often surprised by how much we share in common, and how much both mentors and mentees learn from each other’s differences.

If both men and women can hear each other out and be open to new perspectives, the result can be a winning proposition for everyone in the room.

By Chris Brassell

Nicki-Gilmour-bioThis Week’s Tip Is…

Reflect upon your successes and your failures: What can you learn from both?

It is easy to get caught up in the daily stress of getting tasks done, but always take some time to formally reflect on the bigger picture. Whether it is recording in a journal what is working for you and how certain tasks and dynamics are making you feel or unpacking your annual review with a trusted advisor, always ensure that you are learning from the good and the bad experiences.

Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist