The Power of the Word No

Guest Contributed by Janelle Bruland

Isn’t it funny that one of the most important words to say is also one of the hardest? One simple word: no.

Yet, to say it brings up a flood of feelings – guilt, defensiveness, a fear of offending. Sometimes the feelings flash by so quickly we don’t even notice what they are. We just know that we don’t want to say that one little word. Yet, the ability to say “no,” to set boundaries and build a structure that works for us, is one of the most important tools we can add to our arsenals to successfully create our best lives.

The word “no” should be one of the most important words in a leader’s vocabulary. Here are two strategies to be more productive and have space in your life for the things that matter:

1. Recognize What is Holding You Hostage

2. Break the Chains by Learning How to Say No

What is Holding You Hostage?

There is no doubt about it. It is becoming increasingly difficult to separate ourselves from the onslaught of incoming communication and ceaseless activity that seems to come along hand in hand with success. Demands on our time stack up. People who need us invite us to their meetings, ask us to sit on this committee or that board, and ask our opinions. For a minute or two we feel good about being able to help. We continue to say yes, and add just one more thing to our calendar. But then, there comes an inevitable breaking point, when we find ourselves held hostage by our own schedule. Suddenly we find ourselves overworked, overcommitted and overwhelmed.

Today, the average knowledge worker is interrupted every 10-12 minutes by some form of communication. And, during those 10-12 minutes we tend to interrupt ourselves at least twice to check email, phones, etc. If we were already headed that way, technology has added jet fuel to the journey. This barrage can derail the best laid plans and even keep us from making them in the first place.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am a leader who has struggled with creating boundaries myself, another area where we can hold ourselves hostage. After all, who doesn’t love saying yes? Who doesn’t enjoy the look of gratitude, or relief on the face of the person who has asked the favor? Besides, saying yes can at times almost be a matter of pride. With the high bar we set for ourselves and our “I can do it all” attitude, it really makes you think you could do it all.

You Can Learn to Say No

High achievers are driven and want to accomplish things, and because of that, it is easy to get caught up in doing more and more. However, if we aren’t careful, we will miss out on the very things that matter most to us. Saying yes to everything is not the path to true success. In fact, if you aren’t careful, it could become your undoing.

This realization came for me unexpectedly. I was working in my office on a project when I received a call from a good friend that I hadn’t seen in a long time. We both had very full schedules with our work and family responsibilities. “When can you get together?” she asked me. “Just a moment. Let me pull up my calendar,” I responded. I looked at the next week – nothing available. Then the following week – nothing either. The seconds became minutes as I scrolled through my calendar, finding it so jam packed that between my schedule and hers we couldn’t find a time to get together for two months. Two months! After some juggling we finally nailed down a time, and laughed together about how ridiculously busy we both were.

Such a simple story, and a big realization. I had said yes to so many things, that I didn’t have time for something I really wanted to do. What a tragedy it would be to get so caught up in saying yes to everything that comes along, that without knowing it you take away precious time from your most important priorities. Yet this happens so easily that oftentimes we don’t even notice. Can you relate to this?

Let’s face it: there is only so much time in a day. We all have the same 24 hours– it is up to us to be intentional in how we use them. Part of this intentionality is learning how to say no. I have adopted the discipline in my own life to eliminate unnecessary tasks and narrow down my “to do” list to my top priorities. Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care. Saying no doesn’t mean you are not capable and able to help. It simply means you can’t help right now and still do all the things you have already committed to.

To have the successful life you desire, you must be disciplined to say “no” more than you say “yes.” Prioritize. Figure out what really matters. Then build your life and schedule around those things and those things only.

What do you need to say “no” to?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Janelle Bruland is an entrepreneur, author, speaker, and high-performance coach who inspires others to live impactful and successful lives. She is Founder and CEO of Management Services Northwest, a company she started in her living room in 1995 and has grown into an industry leading company, named one of the Fastest Growing Private Companies by Inc. magazine. The CPO of Microsoft, Mike Simms, describes her as a true pioneer in her field. Janelle is also the Co-Founder of Legacy Leader, a leadership development company that teaches business professionals how to build a legacy, transform their leadership, and love their life. She is the author of The Success Lie: 5 Simple Truths to Overcome Overwhelm and Achieve Peace of Mind.

The opinions and views expressed by guest contributors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of theglasshammer.com

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Op-Ed: Staking Your Leadership Claim in a Traditionally Male Profession

female leaders

Guest Contributed by Kathleen Kuhn

It’s time to drop the “female” qualifier and see yourself just as a leader.

There’s been a huge push for gender equality in the workplace in recent decades, and no one can argue that, overall, female leaders have greater representation and visibility today than ever before. As of 2018, 40% of all businesses in the U.S. were owned by women, including 1 in 5 firms that earn over $1M in revenue. In the last 20 years, the number of women CEOs at Fortune 500 companies has risen from just two (1999) to a record-high of 33 (2019).

This is certainly positive news, but it’s only one small slice of the larger picture. Things look a bit bleaker when you zoom in on industries that are traditionally male-heavy, such as construction, trucking, and any of the STEM (science, technology, engineering, mathematics) fields.

According to research by Catalyst, just 6.6% of American women work full-time in occupations that have 75% or more male representation – and with so few women in these professions overall, it’s understandable that female leaders might find it challenging to command respect.

Gender as a leadership qualifier: Why do we care if a leader is female?

Much research has been done on the differences between male and female leadership styles, and the results are often complicated. The American Psychological Association says that all things being equal, men and women are equally effective as leaders, with the caveat that “all things rarely are equal.”

Contributing to this inequality are some persistent perceptions and stereotypes that make women less likely to be seen as leaders. A University of Buffalo study found that conventionally masculine traits, like confidence, assertiveness, and dominance, beat out “feminine” traits, such as cooperativeness, nurturing, sensitivity, and concern for others, in terms of who was viewed as a “leader.”

This, perhaps, explains why women leaders in male-heavy industries have felt like they needed to act like men to be successful and get ahead. Unfortunately, doing so only serves to normalize the existing gender gaps and stereotypes.

On the flip side, other women subscribe to Sheryl Sandberg’s now-famous “Lean In” mantra, which encourages women to take charge of their careers and fight gender inequality by boosting their own skills and confidence. This solution is only marginally better than “acting like a man:” As the Harvard Business Review notes, the idea of leaning in puts the onus of change entirely in the hands of women, when in reality, all genders must contribute to the systemic and societal shifts that will ultimately balance the scales.

How to stake your claim as a leader

So what’s the answer, then? We can start by not focusing so intently on a leader’s gender and instead focus on how effective they are at leading their companies.

Yes, it can be intimidating to be the only woman in a room full of men if you allow it to be. It’s not uncommon for women to think about how those men might be judging and underestimating you because of your gender. But the truth is, the gender mix in a meeting, on a team, or in an entire industry is irrelevant if not beneficial. Your gender is irrelevant; what matters is your performance and your contribution to the overall business and its culture.

As a female executive or senior leader working in a traditionally male profession, here are a few things you can do to focus on good leadership without a gender qualifier.

1. Show your people you care about them

Human beings are social creatures. We need support and recognition from our team to thrive. A report by the Society for Human Resource Management cited some of the benefits of a more caring, human-focused workplaces, including better employee performance, improved safety and health, and greater worker satisfaction and commitment. So, ask people how they’re doing. Get to know them as individuals who have personal lives outside of their jobs. While you’re in the workplace together, acknowledge their accomplishments and express your appreciation for their contributions to the company.

2. Listen to criticism (but don’t take it personally)

Being a leader means you’re going to make some difficult and unpopular decisions. It’s not possible to please everyone on your team, and at some point, you’ll be on the receiving end of negative feedback about your leadership style.

It’s important not to take these things personally, but instead, listen to the criticism and work with your team to find a solution. Research from the University of Bath and the University of Oklahoma found that leaders who respond to intense criticism with a collaborative strategy tend to retain follower support and achieve better outcomes than those who respond by avoiding the issue or diverting attention elsewhere.

3. Stop defining yourself as a female leader

There’s nothing wrong with taking pride in your femininity or celebrating your unique perspective and experiences as a woman. But calling attention to gender differences in your leadership style may ultimately perpetuate existing and perceived gaps between men and women in the workplace. Try to avoid focusing on the gender count in the meeting and simply show up as a competent executive.

The bottom line? When women confidently present themselves simply as leaders, rather than female leaders, it’s easier for everyone else to see them that way, too.

About the Author

Kathleen Kuhn is President and CEO of HouseMaster and PatchMaster, two franchise brands in the home services industry with locations across North America. As head of HouseMaster, the original home inspection franchise, Kathleen oversees an organization with more than 320 franchise locations across the U.S. and Canada. And as the CEO of PatchMaster, Kathleen leads a new, fast growing drywall repair specialty concept with 19 franchises signed in 46 territories with 10 franchises opened and operating.

The opinions and views expressed by guest contributors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of theglasshammer.com

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Voice of Experience: Mara Glaser McCahan, Partner, Katten

Mara Glaser McCahan“I would have saved myself a lot of angst if I had known earlier in my career that everyone has their own style, and I don’t have to mimic others to be successful,” says Katten Corporate Partner Mara Glaser McCahan.

For a number of years, she tried to imitate the style of successful people who surrounded her, but she realized that it wasn’t working because she wasn’t being genuine. “Once I was able to hone in on my own style and trust that my style, although different, was every bit as good as others’, I was not only more comfortable, but more successful.”

A Career Path Forged From the Start

As Glaser McCahan puts it, she was that person who always knew what she wanted to be—a corporate lawyer—even proclaiming that to her high school newspaper as her post-senior year plans. And her career as a transactional lawyer has not disappointed. She terms her path as “fairly straightforward,” having dabbled in litigation and regulatory work as a summer associate but finding her right fit during her initial corporate assignment.

Of course, since she has been practicing for more than 20 years, the path itself has taken lots of turns. For example, the types of deals that she has handled have varied greatly, depending on the fluctuations in the economy. She first began practicing in the “go-go” days of the late 1990s, when money flowed fast and furious into startups, and companies went public on projected future earnings.

Then came the tech bust, and while those transactions stopped, different deals emerged—such as distressed deals, bankruptcy deals, bridge financings and other types of transactions where someone saw an opportunity in the fallout. While the twists can be challenging, Glaser McCahan believes that is what has made her career interesting. “While many of the basic principles are applied over and over, no deal is ever the same, which makes my job enjoyable and intellectually engaging,” she says.

Being a transactional lawyer requires the ability to adapt—to different types of deals, changing market conditions, different structures and more. “You learn from every change by absorbing it and applying it to future situations, which ultimately makes you a stronger lawyer with increased wisdom and better insight to advise your client,” Glaser McCahan says. And, she adds, this experience is what makes you valuable to clients. After all, a lawyer closes many deals in any given year, while the client may only do a deal every few years so they look to their legal team for guidance.

Given that depth of experience, having to choose a professional accomplishment she’s most proud of feels to Glaser McCahan like being a parent choosing a favorite child. “Every deal requires a lot of effort, and I throw myself fully into each one, with its accompanying unique set of circumstances that require creative solutions to get them across the finish line.” In addition, she notes, transactions require coordination and teamwork to keep moving toward a common purpose, both with the client and with the internal team. “Whenever a deal I’m working on closes, it is a feeling of accomplishment that through teamwork you were able to successfully help your client achieve a goal.” But basking in the high is short-lived, as Glaser McCahan then looks forward to doing it all over again with a new deal.

Helping Bring Others Along Is a Two-Way Street

Glaser McCahan recommends that young women take ownership of their own career; rather than sitting around passively and waiting for someone to take interest in shaping their trajectory, she urges them to ask questions, show interest, request help when needed and ask to be staffed on various assignments if they desire to work with a particular senior associate, partner or client.

“The answer may not always be ‘yes,’ but if you don’t ask, you won’t get what you want,” she points out. And, even if the initial answer is “no,” it’s a way to put yourself on their radar to hopefully have your request met later. For that reason, she says it’s okay to be aggressive, while never obnoxious, of course. “I think that folks are always interested in helping others who have demonstrated that they care and are willing to put in extra effort.”

And then the onus is on professionals at upper levels to make the effort to assist those who are just starting out in their careers. She recommends thinking back to your early career, as everyone can describe instances where someone helped—by taking an interest in their career through mentoring, providing useful advice or staffing them on an important transaction or case with an important client.

The need is particularly great for women. Despite the immense strides that have been made in many traditional practices, there is still a long way to go. Glaser McCahan remembers being the only female attorney in the corporate group when she was hired 20 years ago; even though more women are choosing to practice law in areas that have been traditionally male, such as corporate, real estate and finance, the numbers remain small. And they get even smaller when you consider the number of women who choose to continue to stay on the partner track and who actually make partner. “Despite the fact that women graduates outpace men, the business professionals sitting around deal tables generally tend to be all men. Even 20 years later, I am almost always the only woman; we have to do better to get women more seats at that table.”

And that can happen by being that person who helps create a career-changing opportunity, Glaser McCahan says, acknowledging that it’s easy to get wrapped up in your own career and busy schedule, and thus forget to pause and give a helping hand. “But even the smallest act can have a profound impact and we should strive to give back.”

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Stephanie Rader, Partner, Goldman Sachs, Securities Division

Stephanie RaderStephanie Rader, head of the Distressed Sales and Bank Loan Sales Group, is a program co-sponsor of the 2019 Women’s Career Strategies Initiative (WCSI), an annual program at Goldman Sachs that provides high-performing women associates access to training sessions, resources and touchpoints with senior leaders across the firm. Associates are encouraged to develop their leadership skills, identify ways to enhance their commercial impact, evaluate the work-life equation, and manage their careers proactively. In a roundtable session hosted for WCSI participants, Rader reflected on her career at the firm and shared advice with this year’s WCSI class.

A 15-year veteran of the firm who initially began her career at Goldman Sachs as an intern, Rader started by reminding attendees to have the courage and confidence to ‘go for the ball.’

Rader shared: “As Billie Jean King said, pressure is a privilege; if you’re doing well and excelling in your current role, others will inherently begin to give you more work because they know you can deliver.”

She adds, “While being responsible for a significant number of deliverables and leading on projects can be stressful, you need to remind yourself that you’re being given a chance to excel – one that others around you might not receive – and you should take advantage of those opportunities.”

Rader, who joined the firm after graduating from Duke University with a bachelor’s degree in public policy and economics, was presented with many such opportunities during the financial crisis.

“Throughout, I jumped in and helped out with various clients, because everyone was moving so fast,” she told the WCSI Class of 2019. “I learned an incredible amount during this time period and it helped set me up for success down the line.”

Taking Advantage of Rapid Change

“If you find yourself in a moment in your career where you feel stalled, remember that things can change very fast,” Rader recalled. “Create your own luck by putting in the work and preparation now so you can take advantage of opportunities when change occurs, which it always inevitably does.”

Rader acknowledged that in the absence of change, individuals can identify other ways to present themselves as rising leaders. Her recommendation: “Be vocal in meetings with your questions and ideas, invest time developing the analysts on your teams and be the go-to expert in your space.”

Leveraging Methodical Postings

Rader, who covers both asset managers and hedge funds, also manages a team of 14 sales people. When working in a fast-paced environment, Rader highlighted the importance of ensuring your manager and stakeholders are aware of the internal and external projects you are working on. “Don’t wait until your annual feedback to connect with your manager.” She recommends scheduling a regular touchpoint and sharing a comprehensive list of your completed deliverables and ongoing projects.

“It’s so important for people to know and be aware of the work you’re doing – while we expect our colleagues and our manager to automatically know about our projects, do not assume they are aware of what you are working on unless you post them directly.”

The Work-Life Equation

“At different points in your career you’re going to need different things, whether that’s time to adjust to being a new mom, caring for a parent, or tending to your own health,” Rader reflected. “While it’s good to make plans and set goals, both our professional and personal lives can take unexpected turns. Be flexible in adjusting course, be patient with yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

As a mom to a six-year-old and one-year-old, Rader told participants she tries to be fully invested in the present moment in order to maximize her time at work and her time at home: “When I’m at work, I’m completely plugged into the desk and work as efficiently as possible. When I’m at home, my kids are my priority.”

Reflecting on Goldman Sachs’ work environment since she joined in 2004, Rader notes, “Managers recognize now that if you’re happy outside of Goldman Sachs, you’re going to be more productive when you’re at the office – as a result I think our culture has become more flexible and inclusive over time.”

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Imposter Syndrome? Stop Being an Insecure Overachiever

2026 executive coachEditor’s Note (Updated 2026):
This article was originally published in 2019. As conversations around imposter syndrome and workplace wellbeing have evolved, the ideas below remain relevant for many high-performing professionals navigating leadership expectations. In today’s work environment, high visibility roles, hybrid teams, and social media comparison can intensify imposter syndrome. Developing sustainable confidence is more critical than ever.

Many high-performing professionals quietly struggle with imposter syndrome at work, the persistent feeling that they are not as capable as others believe and may eventually be “found out.” Despite impressive achievements, promotions, and expertise, these leaders often hold themselves to extremely high standards and feel constant pressure to prove they belong.

If you are reading this, there is a good chance you have at least once searched phrases like “imposter syndrome” or “insecure overachiever.” In my work with senior leaders, I often encounter what I call “insecure overachievers”, people whose drive for excellence is fueled as much by fear of failure as by ambition. While this drive can lead to remarkable achievements, it can also create chronic stress, self-doubt, and difficulty fully enjoying success.

Understanding the psychology behind imposter syndrome is the first step toward developing a healthier and more sustainable relationship with achievement.

Why High Achievers Experience Imposter Syndrome

Most of us are driven by something.

Fear of failure comes up a lot amongst highly successful executives and how could it not? The stakes are high and what got you to where you are is an individual mix of skills and behaviors purely contextual to your lived experiences in your organization. The culture that each firm and team embodies varies and evolves moment to moment and person to person but is very relevant to norming overwork as a good thing. But imagine what your life would be like if failure large or small was seen as a learning experience and not a devastating event?

Driven people are driven by something and it is not usually ambition for ambition’s sake, if you think for a second about that. Motivations behind all behaviors can be somewhat simplified by categorizing them into three summarized buckets that Socrates and then Plato spoke of much less concisely in The Republic:

1) Gain, or what’s in it for me?

2) Honor, such as high altruism traits or desire to leave a legacy work

3) Fear, or what will happen if I fail or do not do this

When Healthy Drive Turns into Chronic Self-Doubt

Many successful people in the world are insecure overachievers because always wanting better has given us great products and services and achievements as humans. No matter how you cut it, subjective judgment, and in this case your subjective judgment against yourself to believe there is a better product or version that you can produce next time, fuels innovation.

However, where hardworking, smart people fall under the insecure overachiever definition is when fear is extreme, almost all-consuming, and underlined by a feeling of permanent inadequacy despite having a range of actual significant achievements. “Work harder” is what people who suffer from this implicitly tell themselves. And in a world of more is more for work in many industries the norm is to put in long hours and show commitment, so discovering this issue may be harder than for people who work in very balanced, life- and family-centric societies.

Imposter syndrome fits here too when fear includes a feeling of secret shame of not being good enough and shows up as fear of being found out as a fraud. Usually, this comes with a feeling of needed external validation as the person cannot validate themselves. The person can feel anxious and unhappy no matter how many advanced degrees completed with honors and jobs they have excelled at. No matter how much money they earn or amazing projects they have completed, they can only see the future challenge in future time and cannot enjoy their past achievements or present successes.

How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

If any of this sounds familiar, it is entirely important to get to the root cause of why you feel how you feel. It is usually sitting in your subconscious as a construct or several constructs that have formed into a belief.

Here are steps you can take:

1) Decide You Want Change

Decide whether you want to change from a stressed-out, unhappy “insecure overachiever” or someone who doesn’t belong or deserve their success.

2) Set Clear Goals

Decide how you want to feel about your work and life, such as:

  • be more content with my work achievements
  • look at balance of my entire life, not just work
  • get healthy mentally and physically this year

3) Increase Self-Awareness

Make explicit what you tell yourself when you indulge in some self-deprecation (and not the modest, historically British kind).

4) Examine Hidden Beliefs

Read Immunity to Change which provides a great model for practical use around seeing what hidden competing agendas you might be carrying around that are thwarting your goal of being more sustainable and satisfied.

5) Seek External Perspective

Coaching or mentorship can help identify underlying beliefs driving chronic self-doubt and develop strategies for more sustainable confidence.

Executive Coaching for Imposter Syndrome

Many leaders find that imposter syndrome becomes more present as they move into senior roles with greater visibility and responsibility.

Executive coaching can help professionals identify the underlying beliefs that drive chronic self-doubt and develop more sustainable leadership habits.

To learn more and take the next step towards becoming a more confident and self-aware leader, schedule a short exploratory conversation with Nicki Gilmour, founder and CEO of theglasshammer and Evolved People Coaching HERE.

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Voice of Experience: Elyse Lesley, U.S. Consumer Partnerships and Franchise Development, Citi

Elyse LesleyAdvocacy matters, says Citi’s Elyse Lesley.

“When I started, I placed more of a premium on what I did than the people I worked for, but I have realized throughout my career that ultimately advocacy is the magic that will get you to the places you want to be,” she says. “Your advocates may tell you things you don’t want to hear, but those moments will help you get out of your comfort zone and take the chances that allow you to learn and grow. Those are the people you need in closed door forums, pounding the table for you before others even know who you are.”

A Career Path Built On Diverse Experiences

After graduate school Lesley went into consulting, which she found to be an unmatched experience; as she notes, there aren’t many jobs where you get to experience such a diversified slate of issues and companies and actually sit at leadership tables. “When I worked as a consultant, it was almost as though I was earning a second graduate degree. I learned how to deconstruct problems and talk confidently with professionals who were a decade or two older than I was,” she says.

While she believes it’s a top way to broaden your skillsets, she eventually decided to leave consulting and focus on a career in financial services. Lesley was looking for an opportunity that would allow her to do interesting consumer-facing work while also providing a platform to build out a long-term career.

Over the years she has worn many different hats and taken on varying responsibilities charting overall strategy; helping develop a retail business; offering insight into segment value propositions; building and deploying new product solutions; amplifying the company’s voice in the marketplace; and improving the end-to-end client experience.

“I have led a diverse set of functions over time while remaining close to the consumer, which has been fascinating and rewarding,” Lesley says. She has been with Citi for eight years in various roles and in October took on a new role leading partnerships and franchise strategies at Citi’s US Consumer Bank.

“I really appreciate that the role I have allows me to think about growth and the continued transformation of our industry,” she says.

As clients become more comfortable with opening an account and servicing it online, Lesley is currently spearheading efforts on how to scale the franchise through digital channels. She is also exploring ways for Citi to continue to build deeper relationships with its clients by leveraging data to provide personalized services and offerings that clients are looking for.

“Banking is an exciting industry especially as physical and digital continue to converge and how banks evolve to make a difference in clients’ lives and reward their loyalty. We are helping to create new product and distribution solutions that allow Citi to scale and encourage our clients to have a lifelong relationship with Citi,” she says.

An Attitude of Mentoring

When considering all of her various contributions over the years, the work Lesley is most proud of is seeing the individuals whom she has mentored subsequently achieve their professional goals. “I take intense pride in the people I have worked with over my career who are now in impressive roles. It feels good to have been part of a chapter in their career that got them to that point,” she says. “I am deeply invested in helping the people I hire and working with them to achieve their aspirations.”

Lesley sees that one of the biggest challenges in the financial services industry as a whole continues to be representation. “We need to have more women at senior levels of organizations in every industry to ultimately build the gender balance we need,” she says. “While we are making progress in financial services broadly, it is slower than I would ideally like to see.”

Lesley is a proud member of Citi Women, a community of female employees at all levels working to help one another through skill-building and advice sharing. Besides encouraging internal networking, it also includes elements of training and leadership development that allows women to hone their self-advocacy skills. “I believe the knowledge we are imparting here will translate into positive outcomes for years to come,” she says.

Lesley offers several pieces of advice for women, most importantly to know what’s really important in a day, week, month or year and stack their time accordingly. “You get credit for transformative wins, but the little tasks can crowd that out. Know what matters and make that your focus.”

With three daughters and a son between the ages of 11 and three—Lesley says her current hobby is her family. “I choose to do two things well: to make a difference at Citi and achieve my career aspirations and to raise some really good human beings. For now with four young children, that’s my version of balance.”

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Voice of Experience: Tatiana Segal, Head Of Risk Management, Morgan Stanley Investment Management

Tatiana Segal
Don’t underestimate the importance of the company culture when making a decision about your career choices.

“Make sure the company’s values and philosophy are aligned with yours.” says Segal. “You need to be assertive and understand your options, and then put yourself in a position where you can leverage your skills to the highest possible degree,” she says.

A Career Rooted in Seizing Opportunity

Segal has a wide-ranging experience with both buy-side and sell-side firms. She started her career as an intern at BlackRock while earning her degree in economics at Columbia University and then joined full time as an analyst, a position she held for three years before moving to Goldman Sachs.

After having two children, she began looking for a healthier work-life balance and moved to Banque Nationale De Paris and from there to Nomura Securities. Ultimately she sought experience with alternative investments and went to Citi to assume a risk oversight role for the liquid portion of Citi Alternative Investments.

Segal left for a prestigious hedge fund launch, which ended up not getting off the ground as seed commitments evaporated in the midst of the 2008 crisis, and she found herself looking for work during the downturn. Segal joined Cerberus Capital Management as their first-ever head of risk management and built out both a risk team and risk capabilities to support both private equity and hedge funds. In 2011 she joined SkyBridge Capital as the head of risk management. In August 2019, she joined Morgan Stanley Investment Management as Head of Risk Management. Tatiana is enjoying the global and dynamic nature of the role and is looking forward to living up to Morgan Stanley’s four core values: Doing the Right Thing, Putting Clients First, Leading with Exceptional Ideas and Giving Back.

Understanding Your Worth

In addition to her impressive career Segal prioritizes her family—as mentioned earlier, she made choices based on the desire to have more time with her kids. “In the late ‘90s, the expectations of face time were immense, which could conflict with your desire to be with your children. It is astonishing to me that at many firms face time is still used as a measure of productivity. I believe that successful firms will be the ones that nurture more flexibility.”

Segal feels that the younger generation has been more likely to understand early in life that balance is important. “Rather than just living to work, they tend to prioritize spending time with friends and family,” she says.

In fact, Segal encourages women who are coming up the ranks to realize they need to stand their ground; it’s important to be assertive or you can end up unfulfilled. “Know your worth and your value, and be objective about what you can offer the company—that’s how you will earn respect and eventually flexibility. You need to put yourself in a position where your supervisors understand you can be equally effective without spending long hours at the office.”

Segal is part of 100 Women in Finance group where she co-chairs the risk peer advisory group. She believes it’s important to network with her peers, compare stories, and share views.

Segal carries on this mentoring spirit in her personal life, as well. In fact, one of her most impactful roles is as a board member for the Tenement Museum, which shares the hard stories about immigration history for the various groups who made America the “melting pot” it is today.

“There were women who couldn’t have their fingerprints taken because they had literally worked their fingers to the bone,” she says. “The museum did a remarkable job restoring the tenement building, and looking at where we came from—to really see the strides we have made—is both humbling and life-affirming,” she says.

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How to Be Present and Gain Greater Power in Communication

Power in CommunicationWhat comes to mind when you think about being present in business? Is it having razor-sharp focus, paying attention to every detail, anticipating every possible flaw or problem, looking people in the eye when they talk to you?

We are taught that focusing on one aim or purpose in life or business to the exclusion of everything else is how to be present. What if that actually keeps you from being present and therefore being able to authentically engage and have greater power in communication with others? Being present doesn’t mean being single-minded. Being present doesn’t mean putting blinders on. In fact, focusing on one thing or person requires you to cut off everything else around you.

What if you could be aware of everything that is going on, being said and happening around you? That is being present.

So why would you do that?

Abraham Maslow said, “The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” The quality of your life depends on your presence in the moment and that is the key to gain greater power in communication as well.

Being in the moment does not require effort if you allow yourself to expand and give up being single-minded. You lose focus is because you’ve learned to hone in on one thing and if something else is getting your attention, you don’t know how to be present with everything.

Rather than being caught up in conclusions or decisions of what is required right now – trust your knowing, your inner voice, your intuition, which often leads you in a direction throughout the day that you might not have thought of or been able to plan. Would you be willing to have that trust in yourself?
What prevents a lot of people from following their knowing or their inner voice is their reluctance to be open to the unknown, which is sometimes uncomfortable but can stretch your life to greater possibilities. Get comfortable being uncomfortable – that is where change happens, and you become greater. Your presence will increase, and you will become unstoppable.

Here are five tips to total presence and gaining influence:

1. Asking questions

A question always opens up new possibilities. Ask to be present as then it becomes something you be and not something you do.

Another question: what requires my attention right now? If I allow myself to be present with everything what do I know here? What action could I take next?

2. Be interested not interesting
To gain greater power in communication a vital element is to listen and be interested in the other person. This is a way to make the other person feel worthy and helps them open up to you.

3. Exercise

Be aware and get present with three points of your body. This is a great way to bring you back to yourself. Whenever you have the feeling you are everywhere and nowhere, and therefore you are not able to be present with what is going on in the moment, recall this exercise. You’ll experience for yourself how easy it is to get centered. Just try!

4. Lower your barriers

The next time you start getting defensive or feel like you need to forcefully put forward your side of the argument, stop, breathe and just imagine pushing your walls or defenses down.

How does it work? Ask for your barriers to lower in any moment of your life. Practice it in your daily life so that you get a sense for what occurs.

Barriers separate us from each other, and true presence is not possible with them. You always will be hiding behind walls, which does not allow you to fully engage with the moment.

What creates the ability for other people to judge you or oppose you is when you resist and react or when there is something to bounce off.

Whatever people throw at you it is not real, it’s just their point of view.
The other person will be stuck with their judgment, not you, when you have your barriers down. Lowering your barriers will free you.

Being totally present and pulling down all of your barriers and having no point of view of what they may or may not think of you disarms every person and changes the situation. This is the space of allowance that is possible when you are without barriers and walls.

5. The key to being neutral

Choosing to function from what some would call a neutral or open-minded perspective, so as not to hold on to any point of view, gives you more choices and flexibility. Holding on to a point of view keeps you from having power as it limits you within right and wrong/good and bad parameters. A key element of gaining power in communication is not holding on to any point of view, but to have the freedom of all choices in the moment and the willingness to receive any information.

How many thoughts about you and being present do you have that are filled with judgments? By living them over and over again, you continue to attract more of them. This way of thinking takes you away from the presence that is possible and fuels the fight against you.

These points of view can really lock up and limit your life, your business and your reality. So, the key to freedom is, “Everything is just an interesting point of view,” as this starts to unlock the limitations defined by the point of view.
Here’s how it works: every time you get into a mind spin where you are circling around a point of view you can say to yourself, “Interesting point of view, I have this point of view.” Repeat this ten times and sense the freedom that opens up. You will gain more clarity and create ease in your world.

You can feel fully alive or miserable in any moment. It is the choice you make that creates your influence and impact with every conversation you have. Stop resisting the present. Instead engage with every moment and make your choices towards being present and gaining greater power in communication by using these tools and never give up.

Guest Contributed by Doris Schachenhofer

About the Author

After completing her social work studies in Vienna, Doris Schachenhofer worked with children, homeless people, delinquent teenagers and prisoners transitioning back into the real world. Today she travels the world teaching and supporting people to be more of themselves. Follow Doris here and on Instagram.

The opinions and views expressed by guest contributors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of theglasshammer.com

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Voice of Experience: Kelly Hutchinson, Special Counsel, Katten

Kelly HutchinsonKelly Hutchinson cannot stress enough to young professionals the importance of networking with their peer group.

“I tell young people that there is a counterpart to your role across the table, and you should get to know them because they will rise in their careers as you do in yours,” she said. As Hutchinson, a member of Katten’s Government and Public Finance practice group, points out, “You might not have a connection to the director but you might have one with the analyst, and eventually he or she will become the Managing Director, or Issuer, and you will have a great relationship that you forged many years ago.”

She also believes that employees at a junior level should realize the value they can bring every day. For example, a supervisor might not have time to read a wide variety of articles related to their industry, but more junior staff members often do have time, so they should so that they can educate themselves and contribute valuable insight to the discussion.

Finding Opportunities in Down Times

Hutchinson attended Pomona College in Southern California where she graduated with a bachelor’s degree in media studies. While in college, she attended the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth College’s Business Bridge Program, a four-week immersive summer program with experiential project-based learning and personalized coaching and career development. The experience set Hutchinson on a career path that led her to become an investment banking analyst in the oil and gas industry.

A few years later, Hutchinson enrolled in Tulane University Law School in New Orleans. But the year before she was set to graduate, the disastrous Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005, forcing her to flee the city and the university to close for months. Hutchinson returned to Chicago where she finished classes as a visiting student at Northwestern University Pritzker School of Law.

While in law school, Hutchinson started working for a financial advisory firm and coincidentally found herself at Katten, working with attorneys there, on her first day. After graduation, she stayed on with them for more than 10 years, advising large municipalities on bond financing and eventually serving as director and chief compliance officer.

During the financial crisis, Hutchinson found that opportunities were available to really dig in and become known as a problem solver. She was offered the chance to work for the State of Illinois as director of capital markets to manage debt issuances and the debt portfolio. That was in 2015, during a time when the when the state was in the midst of an unprecedented budget impasse. Hutchinson found herself in the right spot to navigate complicated problems that were similar to others she had handled in previous positions.

“I believe the best time for public service is when your expertise will be valuable,” she says. “Every day I could go in and add value.”

Her first year in that role, Hutchinson conducted seven public market transactions totaling nearly $3 billion right before she gave birth to her first child. All in, she spent 3-1/2 years with the State, managing $30 billion of debt and raising over $10 billion of debt in the capital market. In May, she joined Katten, where she is familiar with many of its attorneys in the municipal bonds market and can leverage her transaction experience, making for an easy transition to this, her next chapter. “I decided it was time to try another spot at the table, providing counsel from a different perspective,” she explains.

Control Your Destiny

All those experiences have shown Hutchinson that the only thing you can control is what you do—you can’t take ownership of how people see you and want to interact with you, but you can take charge of how you present yourself and live according to your values.

Part of that is merely showing up and taking advantage of opportunities, she says. “As a minority, you’re taught to put your head down and work hard, but you also need to take that extra step of making an effort to be present at meetings and social events and getting out to know your clients,” she says.

She predicts a long career, given that her late great uncle was an attorney who didn’t stop going to court until he was 95 years old. For now, Hutchinson enjoys her time with her 3-year-old son, especially appreciating the times that they travel together. “I want him to be a citizen of the world so we take one international trip a year,” she says.

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Review Last Year’s New Year’s Resolutions Now!

Nicki GilmourIt may sound crazy and slightly anxiety-inducing at a time when you have enough to fit in to your busy life, but it might just serve you well to review last year’s goals now.

Why? Firstly, you can review how you did against those espoused goals. If the answer to that is “not great” then you have a massive opportunity to ask yourself “What matters now?”

You can start to work towards a 30-day plan to really address whatever you still care about.

Secondly, before entering the season where you can feel as tired and pushed and possibly partied out as any other time in the year (referring to entertaining family more than swinging from the chandeliers), give yourself mental room to think. Even if that only means that it gives you a head start on thinking what will make it into 2020’s goals. A plan for the plan if you will. Reflecting before formulating those January 1st ideas might give you the mindfulness you need to get what you really want.

Think holistically, what do you need for every area of your life to feel good in 2020? So many of us reading this site (and writing it) are hard-charging overachievers. Work and career is front and center. Take a moment to think about how you would like your life to look a year from now. How will you have spent your time? What will have changed? What will you have done more of? And less of?

What worked this year and what have you simply outgrown? What will it take to let go of that habit that isn’t serving you? Ask yourself: what do you have to gain by spending your time/energy/sanity/money elsewhere?

If you would like to go into 2020 with a coach on your side, we are offering a coaching deal of five (60 mins) sessions for the price of four (phone/video), if you sign up between now and thanksgiving to start in January. Book with Nicki Gilmour and start making your 2020 a year that changes everything.

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