Contributed by CEO Coach Henna Inam
In my executive coaching practice, I come across strong and smart women leaders whose success has come from always being prepared, being “on,” proving that they are smarter and more competent than those they compete with for the next opportunity. In their effort to be perceived as strong they often have a hard time being vulnerable. This can now be the one thing that holds them back from their true leadership potential. How can vulnerability be your biggest strength?
The recent viral (three million views) Ted Talk by author Brene Brown discusses the importance of vulnerability. It got me thinking about how important vulnerability is as a leadership practice, particularly for transformational leaders. As transformational leaders our greatest source of impact is through connecting with others. Transformational leaders impact through personal influence of who they are rather than their positional power. There can only be limited impact in leadership if we have no way to connect with others beyond our transactional hierarchical positions. According to Brene Brown our ability to be vulnerable requires courage and forms the basis for our connection with others, a connection that is critical if we are to inspire others.
But first a true story. I was recently in my zumba dance class when about half-way through the class I noticed an embarrassingly large tear in my zumba pants right around the inseam of the thigh. I was aghast. What if someone else noticed? All the spontaneity and the joy of zumba was gone and I spent the vast majority of the rest of the class somewhat self-conscious, trying my best to hide the tear, and not make very many moves (something sort of counter-productive if you’re in a zumba class). Ultimately I had a “what the heck” moment and decided to just come out of the closet, so to speak. Feigning as much nonchalance as I could muster, I declared to the person dancing next to me “Look at the tear in my pants. Any idea where I can get some good zumba pants?” I had expected some kind of a reaction…horror, embarrassed laugh. I didn’t get any. It was a matter-of-factly “I got a great deal at TJMaxx.” Whew! The fear of being vulnerable was big. The act of being vulnerable felt like relief.
You’re probably wondering “What does a wardrobe malfunction during Zumba have to do with leadership?” I think it’s an interesting metaphor for how, as leaders, we are embarrassed to “bare ourselves” to others. As a leader, have you ever felt that there are parts of yourself you’ve had to check at the door when you come to work? We all have aspects of ourselves that we’re afraid to share for fear of not being accepted, so we check them at the door. We “numb” who we are to fit a mold that we believe is desirable. The hard part of this according to Brene Brown is that when we “numb ourselves” to not face this fear, it also kills off the joy and connection that we are fully capable of. This is the kind of connection that deeply engages others and creates our potential for transformational leadership.
At this point, I have a confession to make. I don’t do vulnerability well. It takes a lot of effort on my part. I have spent my entire life convincing myself and others that I’m strong, smart, and in charge. It got me high positions and stock options. Vulnerability seems like it would be the opposite. In my corporate jobs as a Region President or Chief Marketing Officer, I felt I needed to constantly prove my value to the organization by being smarter than the next person.
Vulnerability is particularly hard for women who have worked tirelessly to get to where they are, or have hidden parts of themselves to fit what they perceive as the “success mold.” So, in my effort to be strong, I made a decision to not be vulnerable, to not show too much emotion, to always be certain, to be convinced and convincing that I am right.
Here is what I have now discovered. Strength and vulnerability are not opposites. Vulnerability requires great levels of strength and courage. It is actually the next level of evolution in our strength as leaders. It requires courage to be who we are, despite our fears of not being accepted or liked. It requires that we ourselves accept the parts of ourselves that we don’t like or are ashamed of. It requires courage to talk about our failures and take accountability for them. It requires courage to admit that we are feeling uncertain or that we don’t know all the answers. All of these require an evolution within our being in order to grow from being transactional to transformational leaders.
The story goes that the first thing Indra Nooyi did after being told that she was the chosen one to take on the role of CEO of Pepsi, was to get on a plane and get to her biggest competitor for the job. She wanted to convince him to stay with Pepsi. She told him she needed him and that the company would be better with him on board. That’s showing vulnerability. It takes courage. A smaller person would have been only too glad to let their nemesis leave.
So, how do we evolve in our ability to be vulnerable? Here are some exercises to practice vulnerability.
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Challenging Discrimination against Moms
Managing Change“Moms earn up to 14 percent less than women who don’t have children, says a University of New Mexico study.” “Getting pregnant can mean losing your job.” “The devaluation of mothers is at a crisis point in our nation.” These are all excerpts from recent articles about working mothers and while it’s clear why sentences like these are troubling, one fact really brings it home: in 2010, women represented 46.7 percent of the United States labor force and 80 percent of women in our nation have children by the time they’re 44 years-old, which means a majority of women in the U.S. experience mom discrimination at some point in their lives.
Conversations regarding working mothers should be productive and the goal should be to provide new insights, which is why it seems important to shed light on a newly emerging aspect of the mommy wars that appears to be on the rise: senior women with grown children who have little to no patience for younger mothers trying to come up the ranks while raising their young children. According to Tobi Kosake, the reasoning seems to be, “If I didn’t have it easy, why should you?”
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Voice of Experience, Christa D’Alimonte, Partner and Deputy Practice Group Leader, Mergers & Acquisitions, Shearman & Sterling
Voices of ExperienceAsk Christa D’Alimonte, a leading mergers & acquisitions partner at global law firm Shearman & Sterling, and she’ll tell you that one of the key things she’s learned throughout her career is the importance of being flexible.
“In this kind of profession, we tend to be extraordinarily good planners and extraordinarily well organized,” she says. “But you can’t always plan everything. Both your personal and professional life will throw curve balls at you.”
And the proof, according to D’Alimonte: “I never thought I would be an M&A lawyer.”
That’s quite surprising, considering that D’Alimonte, who is currently advising Synthes on its $21 billion acquisition by Johnson & Johnson – one of the biggest M&A deals in the last couple of years – is considered a top-tier dealmaker. D’Alimonte also works with Viacom and other leading companies, as well as all the major financial institutions.
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Leadership Bias Revealed Again
Industry Leaders, LeadershipAccording to new research, IPO firms with male CEOs get the advantage with investors, compared to those with female CEOs. This news probably comes as no surprise, but the nuances revealed by the study point to a conclusion that should be concerning to anyone who works in a field characterized by the term “meritocracy.”
When it comes to matters of gender, there’s no such thing as fair play. For women at least, outcomes are rarely based purely on performance. More and more research is showing that gender weighs heavily on the equation when it comes to your job, your promotion, your paycheck, and – in the case of this new study – how much investors are willing to pour into a business.
A working paper recently released by researchers from the University of Utah and Washington University in St. Louis suggests that female led IPO firms do worse than male ones. The study says, “Despite identical personal qualifications and firm financials, female Founder/CEOs were perceived as less capable than their male counterparts, and IPOs led by female Founder/CEOs were considered less attractive investments.”
Moreover, the researchers say, even though prospective investors were presented with identical information on performance, experience, and qualifications, “Female CEOs were seen as less experienced, less able to lead, less able to resolve TMT disputes and board deadlocks, as well as a less favorable representative of the company in the eyes of the public.”
Women continue to be perceived as less capable leaders than men, simply because they are women.
While many companies purport to be meritocratic in the way they reward top producers, studies like these show that we’ve got to wonder what kinds of gender biases play into sponsorship and promotion within companies, as well as investments into IPO firms.
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Looking for a New Job? Find a Wingman
Expert AnswersI have a wingman – not at the bar, but in my job search.
At first it started casually. We would compare with whom we were meeting, when we met, and what we learned. We were both at similar stages in our job search, but going after positions at different levels. Because we both had different networks, we were able to tap into different connections, alumni pools, and job databases.
My wingman comes from a relationship established during a MBA semester exchange. We connected initially because of our field and then became friends over time, first through classwork and next through our job search. We held common interests that allowed a friendship to develop. First it was joining each other for industry conferences and discussing the current state of the market. Next it was the discussion of how certain meetings were either more or less successful and why. Then, once we knew each other, there came the occasional recommendation of person or firm to connect with.
Over time we had developed trust because we were not a threat to our individual job search, but found a way to complement one another and to support our egos. As either of us became aware of roles not suited for our own needs but the other’s, we shared leads and potential recommendations into the company.
This new friendship has also helped me identify some of my own personal weaknesses in the job search – and how to overcome them.
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Work AND Life: A Winning Combination for A Successful Career
Expert AnswersWith all the talk about work-life conflict, you would have thought that having a personal life detracts from your professional life. My experience, especially over a 20 year career in the corporate world of international finance, has been exactly the opposite.
Thanks to the family and staying active in sports (running, health club, cycling and tennis), I was saved from burn-out. Having interests outside of work is what keeps you grounded and gives you perspective, as well as patience. Have you ever noticed that it’s when you’ve completely worn yourself out at work that you’re prone to “blowing a fuse”? It’s the personal life that gives you the motivation, encouragement, and the balance you need to excel in business.
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Voice of Experience: Stacy Bash Polley, Partner, Co-Head of Fixed Income Sales, Americas, Goldman Sachs
People, Voices of ExperienceBash Polley, co-chair of Goldman Sachs’ Firmwide Women’s Network, said that the group’s events are designed to make senior women aware of their own impact on career development.
She explained that in her experience, there are three ways that women engage: as role models, mentors and advocates. Role models are the most passive of the three, serving as visible examples of career success and inspiring younger women to visualize their own career trajectories. Mentors serve as coaches and counselors, guiding women to optimize their current situations to achieve success. Advocates actively engage in the tactical management of someone’s career, identifying the platform that will allow that person to combine his or her passion and skill set for maximum performance.
“All successful women become role models, so we want them to understand that with more visibility comes more responsibility. Once a woman becomes more senior, she should become a mentor or advocate of more junior women and pay it forward. This is how we get critical mass,” she said.
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Unique Partnership Helps Girls Build Bigger Dreams
Women and PhilanthropyEarlier this week, Texas Wall Street Women, a networking and philanthropy group of women in investment management, gathered in Dallas to discuss investment and market trends. The event was held in support of the group’s philanthropic work supporting the Foundation for the Education of Young Women, a public private partnership supporting six all-girls schools around the state.
As one of the key benefactors of the foundation, the networking group provides mentors and financial support for disadvantaged young women attending the Foundation’s schools around Texas. To date, every girl who has participated in the program has been accepted to college – many of them, the first in their family not only to go on to higher education, but simply to finish high school.
Amy Bean, Executive Director of the FEYW, commented, “Texas Wall Street Women’s financial and professional support has been essential in empowering us to meet our college readiness goals for the girls in FEYW’s six schools.”
She added, “Our alumnae enroll in college at nearly twice the rate of other students from the state, and with TWSW’s continued support, we plan to see more phenomenal results unfold at all of our schools across the state of Texas.”
TWSW’s support of the Foundation shows how, by working together, women can make the impact of mentoring even bigger.
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Movers and Shakers: Sonya Sigler, Vice President of Product Strategy, SFL Data
NewsAfter graduating from UC Berkeley, Sonya Sigler went on to the Santa Clara School of Law and then took a job as a staff attorney and corporate counsel at Sega. It was 1992, and at the time, the company was growing rapidly. “I helped build certain processes and infrastructure,” she recalled. “And then I went to Intuit for five years, doing very similar work. It was a very entrepreneurial company and it was interesting to support the new business groups.”
During this time, she developed interest in the business side of the technology industry, and soon moved to IDO Systems, a digital software company funded by the owner of LEGO.
After a few years, she was ready for a new challenge, she said, “And I spent the next nine years at Cataphora, as Vice President of Business Development, General Counsel, and CFO. I had a fluid career there, and I enjoyed being able to help where I was needed.”
Cataphora, which she helped found, develops software for monitoring personal and corporate data, and she focused specifically on legal and investigative software.
“And now I’ve found my way to SFL Data.” The company works with e-discovery software and provides managed services for companies and law firms.
Sigler explained that her transition from law to business was based in her desire for more dynamic work. “Since my first job at Sega, I realized I enjoyed the deal side. I liked organizing chaos, and doing the responsibilities no one else wanted to do.”
She felt doing deals was more interesting than the transactional nature of law, and gravitated to the business side, she explained. “I’ve found a way to combine the negotiation skills of law with the business of deal making.”
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Are Women Better Leaders?
Industry Leaders, LeadershipWhen you think of a high performing female leader you admire, what traits does she display? Is she innovative? Collaborative? Inspiring? Analytic? Dynamic? Now think about a male leader you admire. How does he approach leadership? What traits does he display?
It shouldn’t surprise you if you tick off a number of similar qualities.
After all, good leaders exhibit many of the same traits, regardless of gender. And while we anticipate that women will perhaps rank higher when it comes to measures of collaboration, developing others, building relationships, and communication, we anticipate that men will perform better when it comes to traits like taking initiative, driving for results, establishing stretch goals, and problem solving.
But, according to new research by Zenger Folkman, it’s time to reexamine those stereotypes. In fact, based on 360 degree evaluations of over 7,000 leaders, not only did women score higher than men on an index of overall leadership effectiveness traits (53 compared to 49), but women ranked higher in twelve out of 16 leadership competencies – including all of the traits listed above.
In fact, the widest gap between men and women leaders was “taking the initiative,” where women scored 11 points higher than men. Why are women performing so much more effectively than male leaders? And why is the gap so wide?
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Why Vulnerability Can Be Your Biggest Strength
Expert AnswersIn my executive coaching practice, I come across strong and smart women leaders whose success has come from always being prepared, being “on,” proving that they are smarter and more competent than those they compete with for the next opportunity. In their effort to be perceived as strong they often have a hard time being vulnerable. This can now be the one thing that holds them back from their true leadership potential. How can vulnerability be your biggest strength?
The recent viral (three million views) Ted Talk by author Brene Brown discusses the importance of vulnerability. It got me thinking about how important vulnerability is as a leadership practice, particularly for transformational leaders. As transformational leaders our greatest source of impact is through connecting with others. Transformational leaders impact through personal influence of who they are rather than their positional power. There can only be limited impact in leadership if we have no way to connect with others beyond our transactional hierarchical positions. According to Brene Brown our ability to be vulnerable requires courage and forms the basis for our connection with others, a connection that is critical if we are to inspire others.
But first a true story. I was recently in my zumba dance class when about half-way through the class I noticed an embarrassingly large tear in my zumba pants right around the inseam of the thigh. I was aghast. What if someone else noticed? All the spontaneity and the joy of zumba was gone and I spent the vast majority of the rest of the class somewhat self-conscious, trying my best to hide the tear, and not make very many moves (something sort of counter-productive if you’re in a zumba class). Ultimately I had a “what the heck” moment and decided to just come out of the closet, so to speak. Feigning as much nonchalance as I could muster, I declared to the person dancing next to me “Look at the tear in my pants. Any idea where I can get some good zumba pants?” I had expected some kind of a reaction…horror, embarrassed laugh. I didn’t get any. It was a matter-of-factly “I got a great deal at TJMaxx.” Whew! The fear of being vulnerable was big. The act of being vulnerable felt like relief.
You’re probably wondering “What does a wardrobe malfunction during Zumba have to do with leadership?” I think it’s an interesting metaphor for how, as leaders, we are embarrassed to “bare ourselves” to others. As a leader, have you ever felt that there are parts of yourself you’ve had to check at the door when you come to work? We all have aspects of ourselves that we’re afraid to share for fear of not being accepted, so we check them at the door. We “numb” who we are to fit a mold that we believe is desirable. The hard part of this according to Brene Brown is that when we “numb ourselves” to not face this fear, it also kills off the joy and connection that we are fully capable of. This is the kind of connection that deeply engages others and creates our potential for transformational leadership.
At this point, I have a confession to make. I don’t do vulnerability well. It takes a lot of effort on my part. I have spent my entire life convincing myself and others that I’m strong, smart, and in charge. It got me high positions and stock options. Vulnerability seems like it would be the opposite. In my corporate jobs as a Region President or Chief Marketing Officer, I felt I needed to constantly prove my value to the organization by being smarter than the next person.
Vulnerability is particularly hard for women who have worked tirelessly to get to where they are, or have hidden parts of themselves to fit what they perceive as the “success mold.” So, in my effort to be strong, I made a decision to not be vulnerable, to not show too much emotion, to always be certain, to be convinced and convincing that I am right.
Here is what I have now discovered. Strength and vulnerability are not opposites. Vulnerability requires great levels of strength and courage. It is actually the next level of evolution in our strength as leaders. It requires courage to be who we are, despite our fears of not being accepted or liked. It requires that we ourselves accept the parts of ourselves that we don’t like or are ashamed of. It requires courage to talk about our failures and take accountability for them. It requires courage to admit that we are feeling uncertain or that we don’t know all the answers. All of these require an evolution within our being in order to grow from being transactional to transformational leaders.
The story goes that the first thing Indra Nooyi did after being told that she was the chosen one to take on the role of CEO of Pepsi, was to get on a plane and get to her biggest competitor for the job. She wanted to convince him to stay with Pepsi. She told him she needed him and that the company would be better with him on board. That’s showing vulnerability. It takes courage. A smaller person would have been only too glad to let their nemesis leave.
So, how do we evolve in our ability to be vulnerable? Here are some exercises to practice vulnerability.
Read more