Easing the Pressures on Sandwich Generations – Now and in the Future

Young business woman in a office environment.By Terry Selucky (New York City)

A recent Pew Research study about the “Sandwich Generation” has started a buzz in finance magazines such as Forbes, DailyFinance, and the like. It states that one in seven middle-aged adults (15%) is providing financial support to both an aging parent and a child at the same time. Scraping out of the recession, relied on by two separate but dependent age groups, adults aged 40 to 59 are stressed by the pressures of providing financial and emotional support to both aging parents to old to work, and an expanding group of grown, underemployed children.

Though the increased pressure is coming more from grown children—nearly half (42%) of adults surveyed, aged 40-59, are providing primary support to a grown child, with an additional 32% offering “some” support, whereas only 21% of adults provide for aging parents—the Pew study reveals that significantly more adults under 40 state they are “very likely” to care for an aging family member, when compared to those in middle-age. It’s a logical result of the Baby Boom, which comprised the single largest generation in history before Millennials came along. Boomers are living longer and unfortunately, have overall worse health than previous generations; now is the time to start planning for their old age.

“With increased longevity come the inevitable problems associated with aging, which include the need for more help with daily life in our aging parents,” writes Carolyn Rosenblatt. A registered nurse, attorney, and founder of the website AgingParents.com, she points out that the Family Medical Leave Act allows employees to take unpaid time off to assist with aging parents, but the Sandwich Generation needs a better system so that they can continue to be breadwinners for multigenerational families.

It’s clear—something must shift. Could it be traditional work schedules?

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Ambitious People are a Little Happier and Live a Little Longer

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iStock_000017389678XSmallBy Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

In a recent article in The Atlantic, writer Emily Esfahani Smith attempts to argue that ambition and relationships are mutually exclusive. She writes:

“The conflict between career ambition and relationships lies at the heart of many of our current cultural debates, including the ones sparked by high-powered women like Sheryl Sandberg and Anne Marie Slaughter. Ambition drives people forward; relationships and community, by imposing limits, hold people back. Which is more important?”

The notion that people can’t have a rewarding career and meaningful personal relationships is absurd. Certainly, there will always be choices to make when it comes to career advancement and personal commitments – but having those choices is what makes life worth living.

Smith goes on to write that people who really care about their relationships would be wise to give up ambitious dreams, and that people who pursue their ambitions are unhappy, destructive, and live shorter lives. She’s wrong. All in all, she attempts to use an erroneous and misleading argument to shame those who would pursue ambitious goals. In fact, the very study Smith cites to “prove” her argument says quite the opposite – people who are ambitious tend to be a little more satisfied in life and live longer.

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Didn’t We Almost Have It All…Not Quite: The Plight of the Working Mom in America

iStock_000014255993XSmallBy Michelle Clark (New York City)

It’s not a new debate, and to many, it isn’t even a debate at all. The discussion of whether or not women can have it all – a successful career while playing the traditional role of primary caregiver within the family unit – has increased in volume as high profile female executives have stepped up to the mic to encourage the average working woman to simultaneously embrace her career and her family. Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and working mom, recently released her timely book entitled “Lean In,” which urges women to take more ownership for their professional trajectory. Yahoo CEO and new mother, Melissa Mayer, went on record declaring she does feel like she can have it all – run a major corporation and raise her child.

In a recent poll conducted by the Wall Street Journal, 66% of women said that they feel like they are able to strike a manageable work/life balance without sacrificing too much at home. This number, which is down from 78% in 1997, is encouraging on the surface, but when you delve deeper into the issue of working women having it all, it appears that attitudes have not changed as much as technological advancements have alleviated the burden of taking time off from work to tend to family matters. This is supported by the fact that, according to the Wall Street Journal, more than 4 out of 10 women feel like they have been a victim of workplace gender discrimination, and a staggering 84% of women feel like their male counterparts are compensated more for doing the same work.

More and more companies are adopting flexible scheduling and work from home policies that include connectivity perks like telecommuting, conference calling, and access to work email on personal phones and PCs, among other things. However, these policies are designed to benefit all employees, not just women. And sometimes, this constant connectivity can act more like an impediment than a solution to the problem.

In a recent New York Times article, former Lehman Brothers chief financial officer Erin Callan says, “I didn’t have to be on my BlackBerry from my first moment in the morning to my last moment at night. I didn’t have to eat the majority of my meals at my desk. I didn’t have to fly overnight to a meeting in Europe on my birthday. I now believe that I could have made it to a similar place with at least some better version of a personal life.”

Callan continues, “I now believe that I could have made it to a similar place with at least some better version of a personal life. Not without sacrifice — I don’t think I could have ‘had it all’ — but with somewhat more harmony.” Hearing a powerful, smart, and successful woman like Erin Callan reflect on her journey to the top makes you wonder if this notion of having it all is really worth it in the end.

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Is There Really a Trade-Off? Parental Leave, Flex Work, and Women’s Employment Rates

iStock_000018133371XSmallBy Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

In the 1990s, the US had one of the highest rates of working women in the world. Ranked 6th in the OECD for female labor force participation, 74 percent of women in the US had a job. That percentage was much higher compared to the rest of the OECD countries, where an average rate of 67.1 percent of women were in the workforce.

Today, though, is a different story. By 2010, the US’s female labor force participation rank fell to 17th out of 22. What happened?

In the US, the answer is: “not much.” The labor force participation rate in 2010 barely budged, increasing just a little over one percentage point to 75.2 percent. On the other hand, things changed rapidly in the rest of the OECD countries. Women’s workforce participation rose rapidly to 79.5 percent, due to generous parental leave and flexibility policies.

So, is that the answer? The US just needs to legislate more family friendly workplace policies, and get back on the side of progress? Well, maybe. But, according to a National Bureau of Economic Research study [PDF] by Francine D. Blau and Lawrence M. Kahn, it’s not quite so simple. They write, “Our analysis of women’s labor force participation and family-friendly policies suggests that there may be a tradeoff between some policies that make it easier for women to combine work and family and women’s advancement at work.”

There may be trade-offs, but the facts are even more complex than this research shows. Here’s why.

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New Study Identifies Three Strategies for “Having It All”

iStock_000015121523XSmallBy Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

According to a new working paper out of the Yale School of Management, women employ various different strategies in the effort to achieve a full work and family life, or as the saying goes, “have it all.”

The paper follows the lives of 40 women, and through her analysis of in-depth biographical interviews on their work and personal life, the researcher, Connie Gersick, identified three broad categories in how these women approached the question, “Can I have it all?”

The women, all born between 1945 and 1955, were among the first generation of women to enter the workforce in large numbers. Gersick says this is important in that they had precious few role models on how managing work and personal commitments is supposed to work. They had to develop their own strategies based on their personal priorities and motivations. She explains, “A generation of young women were challenged to reconcile traditional responsibilities and taboos with vast new opportunities. They did not know how or whether they could make it work. Their task was no less than to re-invent adult womanhood.”

Based on her interviews, Gersick identified three strategies the women employed – many of them switched strategies over the course of their lives to what worked best for them. Here’s what she discovered. Which strategy best reflects your own?

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The Opt-Out Conversation Grows More Complex

iStock_000017262943XSmallBy Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

Proponents of the opt-out phenomenon suggest that the dearth of women at the top of corporations is due to women leaving the workforce in favor of personal or family responsibilities. But economic studies have been unable to show any statistically significant evidence of opting out. To this point, opting out has been more of a rumor or an anecdote.

But new Vanderbilt research has identified a subset of women that is more likely to leave the workforce. According to the new study, women who graduated from elite universities are more likely to opt out than college educated women whose universities were not in the top tier. Author Joni Hersch, Professor of Law and Economics at Vanderbilt Law School, explained that she was initially surprised at the findings.

“More than anything, the reason I could detect statistical significance is because the effect was so strong. It was surprising that it was so strong, and it cut across degree levels.” In fact, it was strongest in women with MBAs.

Hersch analyzed an enormous sample – the 2003 National Survey of College Graduates – which contained detailed information for more than 100,000 college grads. She found that 78 percent of women who graduated from the most selective colleges were employed, compared to the 84 percent of women who graduated from other colleges and were employed.

Similarly, 68 percent of mothers who graduated from elite colleges were employed, compared with 76 percent of mothers who graduated from less selective institutions and were employed.

You wouldn’t expect women from elite colleges to leave the workforce. Graduates from these types of institutions are more likely to marry later, earn graduate degrees, and make more money over their lifetimes. All of these factors are likely to increase the rate at which people stay in their jobs. But in the case of women from top colleges, that wasn’t so.

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Why Less Can Be More for Women Execs

BusinesswomanBy Robin Madell (San Francisco)

With Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead topping the bestseller chart, the “double-down” debate has been reignited once again. Whether you find yourself for or against the ideas that Sandberg proposes, one thing that’s clear is that her controversial book has gotten people talking about why women’s progress in leadership roles has stalled, and the choices that we each must confront as we try to make our lives and work make sense within our own unique circumstances.

If you haven’t read the book, you may expect from the title that Sandberg falls squarely in the corner of doing more in all arenas at all costs. That’s not the case, as she explains in her chapter “The Myth of Doing It All,” where she states:

“’Having it all.’ Perhaps the greatest trap ever set for women was the coining of this phrase. Bandied about in speeches, headlines, and articles, these three little words are intended to be aspirational but instead make all of us feel like we have fallen short.”

Can less be more for women execs, and if so, when and how? The Glass Hammer spoke with a panel of experts in diverse industries about how to back off as needed.

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Is There Really a Choice Between Work and Family?

By Robin Madell (San Francisco)

High-achieving women want to be great in all their roles—great workers, great mothers, great friends. Their brains are better equipped for multi-tasking—so they think they can do it, and do it all equally well. But they can’t.”
-Karen Mallia, Associate Professor, University of South Carolina

A recent NPR story quoted Karen Kornbluh, who, as an ambassador to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, spent several years trying to determine ways to close the gender gap. In the piece, Kornbluh opines that workplace inequality in the U.S. is not about women—regardless of socioeconomic status — choosing family over work:

“I wouldn’t call it a ‘choice’ in the classic sense, because I don’t think they have a lot of options. You’re expected to give 100 percent on the home front and 100 percent at the work front and 100 percent to your friends and your community and you feel like a complete failure.”

Is the perceived choice that women are sometimes credited as having between work and family an artificial one? To find out, The Glass Hammer polled a group of academics, as well as legal executives, for their opinions and experience.

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Working Dads are Feeling the Work/Life Squeeze Too

iStock_000010170880XSmallBy Melissa J. Anderson (New York City)

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to travel to Norway* to learn about the country’s innovative efforts toward gender equality. Norway had legislated that the boards of all publicly traded companies have to be 40 percent women. But that was only one side of the equation. If women were going to be empowered at work, the country reasoned, men would have to be more empowered at home.

Norway already offered lengthy paid parental leave (now 46 weeks at full pay) to be divvied up between new moms and dads, but when legislators realized that moms were taking the majority of the leave time, they created a period of parental leave reserved only for fathers – now ten weeks long. “Use it or lose it,” became the mantra – if dads don’t take paternity leave, they miss out, and moms can’t use that time in their stead. The law does two things. First of all, it ensures that fathers are taking on more of the heavy lifting at home after the birth of a child.

Secondarily, tn makes employers consider younger men and women the same way when hiring them – male and female applicants will likely be taking time off if they have children, so employers can’t cite looming maternity leave as a reason not to hire women.

The cultural change hasn’t been seamless, though – even in progressive Norway. During my trip, I met with a “daddy day-care circle” – a group of young dads on paternity leave. One of them talked about how he was offended when an older woman had stopped to straighten his child’s hat while he was taking a walk with the stroller, as if he, a man, couldn’t possibly have gotten it on right. Another talked about how his family didn’t approve of his taking time out of work to be with his child. A cab driver mentioned that his son was preparing to take time off work to spend with his new child, but he himself was glad his kids were grown up because spending time at home wasn’t interesting to him.

I was also asked repeatedly during the week what I thought American men would think of the “use it or lose it” paternity leave scheme. Most people responded with surprise when I said I thought they’d love being able to spend more time with their children – especially younger men of my own generation.

That brings us to the here and now. Pew recently released the results of a study on modern parenthood. Researchers found that fathers in the US are now more worried than mothers that they are not spending enough time with their kids. Almost half (46 percent) of dads say they think they should be spending more time at home. A quarter (23 percent) of moms said the same.

The Pew survey indicates that traditional gender roles are becoming increasingly blurred here in the US. It also indicates that many workplaces aren’t keeping up, and that matters for men and women.

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Work Guilt: Letting Go of Doing It All

By Robin Madell (San Francisco)

“A person can only try hard and do their best. The goal is not perfection.”
–Leigh Steere, Co-founder, Managing People Better, LLC

Many executive women spend time at work feeling guilty about not being able to accomplish more. Yet with so much expected at the executive level, particularly in a down economy when companies are short-staffed, it’s virtually impossible for an executive to ever clear her to-do list, either in the office or at home.

For women raising families, the potential for guilt mounts exponentially. A study of 2,000 women commissioned by baby care company NUK found that 90 percent of working mothers feel guilty for a range of reasons, which include being too busy to give their children enough attention, working late or long hours, and going back to work after maternity leave.

Manhattan psychologist Dr. Joseph Cilona suggests that among the factors behind work-related guilt for women are a series of long-standing societal double-standards: women are still often expected to be the primary caretakers of children, attend to more than their share of household maintenance, and to look youthful and attractive in the bargain.

“Women are frequently judged when they fall short of unrealistic, impractical, and often unreachable standards,” says Cilona. “It’s no wonder that many women are experiencing burnout at an earlier age.”

So what’s the problem with guilt? If we feel a little guilty while we work or parent, is there any harm? According to Cilona, the answer is yes. “As a psychologist, when I think of guilt, I immediately think of an emotional cancer that can do serious damage to both the self and relationships,” he says. “Though debated by some, for me there is no sufficient evidence that guilt is a universal human emotion like joy, sadness, or even anger, which have recognizable facial and postural expressions across cultures. Guilt appears to have emerged out of cultural rather than biological determinants, all of which to me are utterly toxic.”

If there’s a secret to learning to recognize the toxicity of work guilt and release it, we all want to know what it is. Here are some strategies for women to consider.

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