Practice Makes Perfect: Overcoming Your Fear of Public Speaking

Jill S. TietjenGuest contribution by Jill S. Tietjen, P.E.

My knees were trembling so badly that I had to grip the podium to remain standing. I was a senior in college presenting a technical paper in an engineering competition. There were ten presenters, nine boys and me. Not only was I the last presenter, but the speaker before me had attacked my alma mater (which I now had to defend). I had never been so terrified in my life.

Fast forward three years. My employer asked me to attend training to be a member of the company’s speaker’s bureau. I jumped at the chance. I remembered how I felt at that podium and I never wanted to feel so unsure of myself again. This is not to say the training went entirely smoothly. We were all videotaped. What a humbling experience! I couldn’t believe how I moved my hands, how I sounded, and how I looked. I was determined to make improvements.

Today, over 35 years later, I speak 50-100 times per year all over the country to spread the word about my book Her Story: A Timeline of the Women Who Changed America, which is about the amazing women on whose shoulders we stand. When I wear my electrical engineering hat, I also give talks and serve as an expert witness, testifying before regulatory bodies.

I am positive that anyone can become comfortable with public speaking, so why is it that Americans are more afraid of public speaking than dying? Fear of public speaking even has a name: glossophobia. I’ve read that 75 percent of women suffer from speaking anxiety, but guess what? You don’t have to be one of them.

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Turn Your Mentors into Sponsors

iStock_000010106679XSmallBy Ida Abbott

Sylvia Hewlett’s pioneering research has shown the importance of sponsorship for women who want to get ahead in their careers. Though the title of her new book is “(Forget a Mentor) Find a Sponsor”, I believe both sponsorship and mentoring are crucial. Mentors serve important career functions and many mentors evolve into sponsors. The key is to be shrewd about finding mentors who can best move your career in the right direction and then get them to champion your success.

While there are important distinctions between mentors and sponsors, both concentrate on helping you achieve career success. Today, mentors are seen primarily as advisors and counselors who foster your learning and professional development, but do not necessarily go out of their way to advocate for you or push for your promotion. In contrast, sponsorship is predicated on power and focuses on career advancement. A sponsor treats you as a protégée, actively grooms you for promotions and leadership roles, and has the power and influence to make their advocacy produce positive career results for you.

Sponsors become more important as your career progresses, especially as you move closer to the top where the competition for partnership, leadership, and resources is greater and the stakes become higher. That’s when you need someone to speak up for you and persuade decision-makers that you deserve a promotion to partner, a higher bonus, or a seat on the executive committee. For someone to do this, however, they must believe that you are worth the risk they are taking in standing up for you. They must know you well enough to trust that you will live up to your promise and their expectations.

This level of knowledge, confidence, and trust takes time to grow. When you already have a mentoring relationship with someone, the foundation for sponsorship is present. But you need to carefully identify the mentors who could become sponsors and then move the relationship in that direction.

When assessing a mentor’s potential to become a sponsor, look beyond the good advice, emotional support, and feeling of comfort they offer you. Many women gravitate to mentors, frequently other women, whom they see as understanding and supportive. But sponsorship is about the power to help you move up, not about friendship or role models. In most organizations and professional firms, the vast majority of power brokers are men. If these men are able and willing to help you achieve your career goals, they may be your best sponsors even if their personalities and lifestyles do not appeal to you.

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The Latest Tricks in the Illusion of Inclusion

iStock_000014539701XSmallBy Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D.

With Mary Barra tapped as heir apparent to lead this country’s largest corporation and Janet Yellen confirmed as the next Federal Reserve Chairman (yes, that’s what they’re calling her despite the fact she’s no “man”), you can hear men breathing a collective sigh of relief. They hope that maybe now women will quit complaining about being overlooked for the top spots in their companies and the political arena. After all, there are more women at the helm at Fortune 500 companies than at any other time in history and Yellen will arguably be the most powerful finance person on the globe.

Well, not so fast. With about two dozen women Fortune 500 CEOs, that’s a whopping 4.8 percent of the total. And women in politics? The 113th Congress saw a record number of women elected: twenty. That’s just twenty percent in the 98 years since the first woman, Jeannette Rankin, was elected to Congress in 1916. At that time she proclaimed, “I may be the first woman member of Congress, but I won’t be the last.”

In 1984 I worked as an Equal Employment Opportunity Specialist at the then oil company giant ARCO. Back then women were told we needed to get more women into the pipeline before we would see changes at the top. So women went back to school, eventually surpassing men in graduation rates, entering the workforce in greater numbers than ever before, and proving that their contributions as leaders significantly pushed up the bottom-line. Along with McKinsey and Catalyst studies that tie profits to gender diversity at the top, Roy D. Adler and his colleagues at the California school of Pepperdine University consistently found the “correlation between high-level female executives and business success has been consistent and revealing.” The better a company was at promoting women, the better it tended to rank in terms of profitability. Three decades later, the best we can do is 4.8 percent?

The Turning Point
Do I think women make better leaders and CEOs? You bet. If ever there was a time in history that cried out for women’s leadership in all facets of life from politics to corner offices, that time is now. Here’s why:

We’ve reached what physicist Fritzov Capra calls “the turning point.” It’s that time in society when the people who have power, no longer know how to use it to solve current problems, but they won’t share that power with other people who could help them. Take a look around the world. It’s filled with corporate greed, poverty, war, famine, global warming and in the U.S., a Congress that has done less than any other in history. And who’s at the helm? Right, 20 percent women in Washington and less than 5 percent in corporations.

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Being a Present, Concerned, Clear, and Genuine Leader

Leader with team in backgroundBy Cheryl Leitschuh

Are leaders born or made? Do you have the competencies to be a leader? Is your emotional intelligence consistent with successful leadership? Will your strengths match what you need to effectively lead?

There are so many questions swirling around leadership and if you choose to lead, you will feel bombarded with images of what leadership looks like and chances are you’ll judge yourself against them. Who has time to delve into all the leadership information while having a fulltime career?

It is my belief that we need to shift from “doing” leadership and focus on “being” a leader. As we become more intelligent about leadership and motivation, we also create more judgments about it. This blocks the ability to allow each of us to identify our core talent to be a leader. With over 25-years of leadership coaching, training, and consulting, I have not found one person who does not have the core ability to be a leader.

According to the US Department of Labor Statistics, despite the high unemployment rate, more than 2 million Americans voluntarily leave their job every month. Why are so many people quitting? Four reasons: they don’t like their boss; they lack empowerment; internal politics; and lack of recognition.

Leaders have the opportunity to change this pattern and retain the employees they don’t want to lose. Not through learning more about what it takes to be an effective leader, but through focusing on how to be a leader that others want to follow.

Be Present
Being present is the strongest leadership skill you can possess. You don’t always have to be right or be the wisest person in the world to be an effective leader, but being present will create the greatest amount of trust and respect.

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Persuasive Presentation: Bringing Content to Life

Headshot tigerBy Raleigh Mayer, Gravitas Guru, Raleigh Mayer Consulting

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld famously said, “Ninety percent of the population would rather be in the box than give the eulogy.” Although Seinfeld is an entertainer and not a psychologist, his perspective on the enthusiasm – or lack thereof – most show for public speaking was spot-on. Those who manage to brave the stage or podium, whether by choice or assignment, tend to be fairly uninspiring. In fact, the most common appraisal from colleagues who have listened to another executive speak is a one-word review: “fine”. And “fine” is adequate praise, considering the limited creativity, enthusiasm, and delivery techniques that most presenters display.

So what’s the antidote to a “fine” presentation?

The Power Source of a Presentation
Most presenters tend to follow a very academic model for their programs, meaning they invest the bulk of their effort, time, and energy on research and content. It’s a mistake. Content, of course, is critical, but to deliver it well one must first be prepared—or coached or trained—to convey confidence, or at least the illusion of confidence, to reassure the audience that the speaker is qualified and worth listening to. In addition to real or perceived confidence, a presenter must actively seek to make a compelling connection to their audience, both to include the room as a whole and to appear to engage with as many individuals as possible, through eye contact, compelling gesture, and vocal dynamics.

Keep in mind that when we listen to a speaker in the workplace or on a political stage, our main judgments are rarely in response to the content—“What did you think of her speech?”—but on the speaker: “What did you think of her?”

As much as content matters, it is equally necessary to give attention to the human behaviors that audiences respond well to, which include the appearance of confidence, fluid body language, the illusion of direct contact, an engaging voice or tone of voice, well-structured content, and perhaps most important: energy, passion, and personalization.

Albert Mehrabian, psychology professor emeritus at University of Southern California, has studied the impression-making effect of behaviors on an audience, discovering that 55 percent of all impressions are purely visual – and this includes attire, personal appearance, posture, and gesture. Mehrabian also found that 35 percent are tonal (having to do with pitch, volume, and pace of speech). Only 10 percent of impressions, Mehrabian discovered, are directly related to content.

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Developing “Leadership Presence”: 14 Tips

Leadership PresenceQuite frequently in my leadership consulting and coaching practice, I am asked about “leadership presence,” specifically how to increase our “executive presence” or “board room presence.” Coincidently, many of the men and women who bring this up are people whom I believe already do, in fact, have significant leadership presence.

This may not be surprising as we all have some degree of insecurity, that inner voice in our mind that often whispers negative thoughts to us. The key question is how much insecurity do we have and how do we manage it? While there is a wealth of good information about this subject on the Internet and in books, articles, and videos, let me offer my ideas gained from my experience.

Our leadership presence stands on the shoulders of our character – our values, how we carry ourselves, how we think, what we say, and what we do.

Here are basic principles that will help us a great deal:

1. Have a positive attitude, be encouraging and helpful to others, and never – I repeat, never – speak critically about someone behind their back. (Doing so reflects poorly on you.)

2. Be an attentive listener. Listen to understand and learn. Lean forward. Let people sense your interest and that you care. If appropriate, take notes. It is a sign of respect.

3. Use your soft skills, being friendly, warm, and welcoming.

4. Don’t talk about yourself. Realize that your listening is your gift to others. Be curious. Try to listen 80 percent and speak 20 percent of the time.

5. Want to impress someone? Ask helpful questions that show your leadership presence. For example, “What first step could you take to help you achieve that goal?” or “What is holding you back?”

6. Appearance is important, dress neatly and for the occasion. Being well groomed and smiling helps, as do comfortable eye contact, a firm handshake, standing tall, shoulders back, and walking purposefully like an athlete. We can all do that.

7. Try to always be early and remember names, which is very important and a simple way to impress people.

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The Glass Hammer: 2013, A Year in Review

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Nicki HeadshotBy Nicki Gilmour, Founder and CEO of The Glass Hammer

The Glass Hammer wants to congratulate the women who have broken the glass ceiling by joining the C-suite or becoming Executive Officers at Fortune 500 (US), FTSE 100 (UK), and other globally-listed companies on stock exchanges this year. Special congratulations are in order for the highest profile CEO female joiners featured on the 2013 Fortune, including Marillyn Hewson of Lockheed Martin, Mary Barra, CEO of GM motors, and Lynn Good, CEO of Duke Energy.

The achievements of these women become even more impressive in light of recent findings reported in Catalyst’s end-of-year census. Both the 2013 Catalyst Census: Fortune 500 Women Board Directors and the 2013 Catalyst Census: Fortune 500 Women Executive Officers and Top Earners found that number of women on boards and the number of women executive officers have not increased by even a single percentage point in the past year. In 2012, women held only 16.6 percent of board seats. In 2013, it was 16.9 percent. Last year, women held 14.3 percent of executive officer positions. In 2013, women held 14.6 percent. There was also no gain year over year, as women held only 8.1 percent of Executive Officer top earner slots.

The UK is showing a better rate of gains for women on Boards, with the current figure sitting at 19 percent in the FTSE 100 . Also, 24 percent of all appointments since May have been women.

So, despite more women than ever before being in the workforce, the numbers just aren’t moving. This is not to say that women aren’t gaining ground in other areas, but they’re often in the most battered of companies and industries. This comes as no surprise. The Glass Hammer has written extensively about women taking on the mantle of leadership during a time of crisis, otherwise known as the “glass cliff”. Writer Melissa Anderson outlined the pitfalls of “think female, think crisis” astutely, writing, “The position is highly visible and comes with a lot of potential power – but the risk of failure is high; so high in fact, that the board or management committee decides it’s time to try something completely new and different to try and get it right: put a woman in charge.”

Here’s the question that begs answer: why are the numbers stagnant?

What is Stopping Us?
According to the article “More women leaders in D.C. than C suite”, experience is more crucial in business than it is in American politics. In the piece, Herminia Ibarra, professor of organizational behavior at France’s Insead business school, said that to become CEO of a big company, you typically have to have had several key jobs. The professor cited Ginni Rometty, chair and CEO of IBM, and Marissa Mayer, CEO at Yahoo, as examples of women who held senior management seats before the leap into the C-suite.

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Lonely at Work? You’re Not Alone

Liz ODonnell headshot 3x3-2By Liz O’Donnell

We often hear that for c-level executives, it’s lonely at the top. Well, it can be lonely on the way to the top too, and feeling isolated can be a major career hurdle for many women pursuing professional goals.

Several years ago I was working as the head of marketing for a family-owned business run by three brothers. I was the only female vice president. The head of sales and I, in order to foster a strong relationship between our two departments, shared an office. At least twice a week, one of the owners would stop by and ask my officemate, a man, to go to lunch. I was never invited.

I knew that because I was a woman, I would never forge the kind of casual, tight relationship with ownership that my peer did, and that I was missing out on the informal bonding and decision-making that took place across a lunch table instead of a conference table. On top of that, I was lonely. The only other women in the company were administrative staff, part-time consultants, and women who reported to me. I occasionally had lunch with my team, but they often didn’t want to hang out with their boss on their lunch break and despite my solid working relationship with my officemate, I experienced little camaraderie with my male peers and my female subordinates. I thought what I was experiencing was unique to the company, but in fact, many women, as our numbers dwindle on the way to the corner office, experience the same feeling of isolation at work.

Women Leaving is Bad for Women
Just look at the legal profession. According to the American Bar Association, despite women earning close to 50 percent of law degrees and representing approximately 45 percent of associate positions in private practices, only about 20 percent of women are at the partner level. That attrition doesn’t just impact women’s job satisfaction; it impacts their bank accounts.

While writing my book Mogul, Mom & Maid: The Balancing Act of the Modern Woman, I met several women who expressed concern about the lack of female peers at work. One woman, an attorney named Holli, had seen many of her female colleagues drop out of the workforce – and their absence impacted her career. Not only was she lonely as one of the few women in her firm and her practice area, but she was concerned about how the situation was affecting her ability to be a rainmaker.

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The Road to Success, Paved with Failure

iStock_000006308877XSmallby Terry Selucky

Imagine you’ve dedicated 15 years to a company — working your way up days, nights, weekends — then you’re passed up for a promotion. What’s your next step?

Or what if, after landing a dream job, you are demoted within a year? Do you resign, or do you work through it, doing your best to find the next rung on the ladder?

In the first case, if you’re Vera Wang, you switch gears and leverage your network to shape a new career. After being passed up for the editor-in-chief position at Vogue, Ms. Wang is now one of the most successful designers and entrepreneurs in fashion.

And if you’re Oprah Winfrey and get moved from co-anchor of the evening news to making local announcements in the morning, you make the most of your new situation. You meet your best friend (in her case, Gayle King). You do your job well. You use your new skills to land a job as a morning talk show host. Then you become one of the richest women in the world.

Failing never feels good in the moment. Especially if you’re a natural overachiever and perfectionist, accustomed to winning, you may think it impossible to bounce back after things don’t go as you’d have hoped. Yet experts point out several benefits to failure, plus tips on how to pull yourself up and focus after a professional disappointment.

Failure is Good for You
In Psychology Today, Dr. Nigel Barber points out the advantages of knowing how to fail. He writes, “An untested employee is like an untried soldier”, remarking that people who fail repeatedly develop valuable persistence. Thomas Edison is said to have failed a thousand times before creating the incandescent light bulb. Similarly, Steve Jobs released a horde of defunct Apple products such as the overpriced Power Mac g4 Cube and the buggy new MobileMe. Yet few people remember the failures while they’re zooming through Apps on their iPads. “With success”, as Dr. Barber writes, “people keep on doing the same thing. When they fail, they are forced to adapt and change … [Failure] rewires the brain and gets the creative juices flowing.”

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Are Your Emails Communicating a Lack of Confidence?

Studies show that men and women communicate differently when Your Emailsusing business email, but is the way you’re communicating clear and effective, or is the communication style of your emails leading to misunderstandings that undermine your position?

Look at the following emails. Which was more likely to have been written by a man and which by a woman?

Subject: Report
Sorry to chase you on this, but I really need that summary report by tomorrow in order to compile all the data on time for the meeting. If you could let me know when to expect it, that would be great. I really appreciate it.

Subject: NEED THAT SUMMARY REPORT ASAP
Thx

The first email writer starts with an apology, though it’s unclear what the offense is. The writer expresses a need for a late report, one that is holding up their work and threatening to make them miss a deadline, yet they are apologizing and appearing overly solicitous. This style is often employed by women in the workplace. Contrast this with the second email: it is brief and to the point, almost crossing the line into cold, but it’s clear what the writer needs. This style is typically employed by men.

What Is “Offensive”?
In a University of Waterloo study entitled, “Why Women Apologize More Than Men: Gender Differences in Thresholds for Perceiving Offensive Behavior”, researcher Karina Schumann concluded that women apologize far more frequently than men because women feel far more actions warrant an apology. Her theory held whether the test participant was the person apologizing or whether they were the victim of the offense, supporting the conclusion that women have a much lower threshold for deeming something an offense. Looking back at the email example above, consider the offense: is the fact that the writer needs a report to get her work done offensive? The answer may depend on gender. Men are less likely to think that chasing a report is inappropriate behavior, while studies suggest that women are more likely to feel the need to soften the language – and apologize – when asking for what they need.

The National Research Council Canada (NRC) study “Tracking Sentiment in Mail: How Genders Differ on Emotional Axes” data mined the publicly-available Enron email database, tagging words with certain emotions: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation, noting both the gender of the sender and the recipient. The results were telling: women prefer to use words from the joy and sadness lexicon, while men tend to use words related to fear and trust. Specifically, women are using words like problem, misunderstanding, crazy, doubt, and guilty, while men are worried about a threat, predicament, confusion, or procedure. Both men and women used more words related to anticipation when speaking to each other across genders, which shows that to some degree, men and women are aware that they communicate differently and make some effort to adapt when speaking to the opposite sex.

The Power of Words
Saif M. Mohammad is a research officer at NRC whose work focuses on natural language processing, especially lexical semantics, the study of how and what the words of a language denote. According to the researcher, there isn’t enough information available to pinpoint why it is that there is a much higher use of anticipation words when communicating across genders than when communicating within. What the information we have does suggest, however, is that the words we use greatly impact how others see us.

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