Imposter Syndrome? Stop Being an Insecure Overachiever

 

imposter syndrome insecure overachieverMy bet is that if you are reading this column you have either googled the words “imposter syndrome” or “insecure overachiever” at least once.

Maybe more than 50% of readers today might identify with all or some of the traits and behaviors that apply to insecure overachievers since people who read theglasshammer are seeking career advice, information or inspiration of some kind.

I can tell you that most of us are driven by something.

Fear of failure comes up a lot amongst highly successful executives and how could it not? The stakes are high and what got you to where you are is an individual mix of skills and behaviors purely contextual to your lived experiences in your organization. The culture that each firm and team embodies varies and evolves moment to moment and person to person but is very relevant to norming overwork as a good thing. But imagine what your life would be like if failure large or small was seen as a learning experience and not a devastating event?

Driven people are driven by something and it is not usually ambition for ambition’s sake, if you think for a second about that. Motivations behind all behaviors can be somewhat simplified by categorizing them into three summarized buckets that Socrates and then Plato spoke of much less concisely in The Republic:

1) Gain, or what’s in it for me?

2) Honor, such as high altruism traits or desire to leave a legacy work

3) Fear, or what will happen if I fail or do not do this

Many successful people in the world are insecure overachievers because always wanting better has given us great products and services and achievements as humans. No matter how you cut it, subjective judgment, and in this case your subjective judgment against yourself to believe there is a better product or version that you can produce next time, fuels innovation.

However, where hardworking, smart people fall under the insecure overachiever definition is when fear is extreme, almost all-consuming, and underlined by a feeling of permanent inadequacy despite having a range of actual significant achievements. “Work harder” is what people who suffer from this implicitly tell themselves. And in a world of more is more for work in many industries the norm is to put in long hours and show commitment, so discovering this issue may be harder than for people who work in very balanced, life- and family-centric societies.

Imposter syndrome fits here too when fear includes a feeling of secret shame of not being good enough and shows up as fear of being found out as a fraud. Usually, this comes with a feeling of needed external validation as the person cannot validate themselves. The person can feel anxious and unhappy no matter how many advanced degrees completed with honors and jobs they have excelled at. No matter how much money they earn or amazing projects they have completed, they can only see the future challenge in future time and cannot enjoy their past achievements or present successes.

If any of this sounds familiar, it is entirely important to get to the root cause of why you feel how you feel. It is usually sitting in your subconscious as a construct or several constructs that have formed into a belief.

Here is what you need to do:

1) Decide if you want to change from a stressed-out, unhappy ?insecure overachiever? or someone who doesn?t belong or deserve their success.

2) Get a goal, such as ?be more content with my work achievements? or ?look at balance of my entire life, not just work? or ?get healthy mentally and physically in 2020.?

3) Work on awareness and making explicit to yourself what you tell yourself when you indulge in some self-deprecation (and not the modest, historically British kind).

4) Read ?Immunity to Change? which provides a great model for practical use around seeing what hidden competing agendas you might be carrying around that are thwarting your goal of being more sustainable and satisfied.

5) Call me and sign up for a coaching pack of 5 sessions to support and facilitate this work. As a coach who has written a paper at Columbia University on how goal setting is derailed by the subconscious, I can help you.

Ready to start? Book your first coaching session here for 90 minutes (pay online) and get started on the mental debris so that you enter 2020 in a new mindset with a real plan.

Or book a free 15-minute exploratory call here to see if this is for you.

 

/by

Review Last Year’s New Year’s Resolutions Now!

Nicki GilmourIt may sound crazy and slightly anxiety-inducing at a time when you have enough to fit in to your busy life, but it might just serve you well to review last year’s goals now.

Why? Firstly, you can review how you did against those espoused goals. If the answer to that is “not great” then you have a massive opportunity to ask yourself “What matters now?”

You can start to work towards a 30-day plan to really address whatever you still care about.

Secondly, before entering the season where you can feel as tired and pushed and possibly partied out as any other time in the year (referring to entertaining family more than swinging from the chandeliers), give yourself mental room to think. Even if that only means that it gives you a head start on thinking what will make it into 2020’s goals. A plan for the plan if you will. Reflecting before formulating those January 1st ideas might give you the mindfulness you need to get what you really want.

Think holistically, what do you need for every area of your life to feel good in 2020? So many of us reading this site (and writing it) are hard-charging overachievers. Work and career is front and center. Take a moment to think about how you would like your life to look a year from now. How will you have spent your time? What will have changed? What will you have done more of? And less of?

What worked this year and what have you simply outgrown? What will it take to let go of that habit that isn’t serving you? Ask yourself: what do you have to gain by spending your time/energy/sanity/money elsewhere?

If you would like to go into 2020 with a coach on your side, we are offering a coaching deal of five (60 mins) sessions for the price of four (phone/video), if you sign up between now and thanksgiving to start in January. Book with Nicki Gilmour and start making your 2020 a year that changes everything.

/by

6 Tips to Understanding the Company Culture Before You Take the Job

Nicki GilmourIt’s not you, it’s them. Finding the right cultural fit at work is key.

How many times have you seen a high performer move firms and just not do so well? That person has not lost their talent or work ethic, nor has their personality changed. The environment or ecosystem in which they are operating has changed and it is organizational culture (or team culture for that matter) which makes or breaks successful female and male executives at work.

Organizational culture is quite simply about “how do we do things around here? How does work get done?” and spotting it can be easier said than done. Having recently read a couple of pieces on how you know when you have taken the wrong job, including a humorous one by Liz Ryan, I wanted to supply you with six tips to help you understand how work gets done before you say yes to the job (get the offer, or close to the offer, before you ask, perhaps?):

#1 Ask what gets tolerated that shouldn’t in the team
#2 Ask what a high performer looks like
#3 Ask who the high performers are (clue: if they rattle off only men’s names and there are plenty of women on the team, that should be further investigated)
#4 Ask what the leader’s strategic vision is and how that is being executed by this team specifically?
#5 Ask if they could change one thing for the team to be even better than it is, what would that be?
#6 Ask how closely the team operates to the firm values regarding policies that matter to you such as remote working, flex time, parental leave, taking vacation, etc.

You might be surprised at the answers. And, of course, hear what they are saying, not what you think you want to hear!

If you would like to have Nicki Gilmour or one of theglasshammer vetted coaches as your coach, schedule an exploratory call here!

/by

Design a Quitting Plan: Opportunity Cost is Real in Your Career

Nicki Gilmour
Stop doing things at work that don’t work. Heard this before?

Has anyone told you to quit unproductive habits, or even quit your job? Well, today we are going to talk about not quitting.  At least, when you shouldn’t.

How many of us quit at the wrong time? When the going gets tough? The other side of the coin is that so many more do not quit something when we should ( job, project, partner, habit etc.) to do something better that we do not know exists yet.

Beyond being a coach and keeping my knowledge up to par, I love reading good personal and professional development books. I can be found having a little peace away from the madding crowd on the floor of a Barnes and Noble in summer months when work is less crazy. Air conditioning an added bonus. Recently, I picked up Seth Godin’s “the dip: a little book that teaches you when to quit (and when to stick)” and it resonated deeply for this column and the career advice I offer. Seth has a great blog too and this book is based on this blog “The four curves of want and get.”

Basically, the dip, according to Seth, is the moment we want to quit in the hard bit. This means when we feel exhausted or frustrated in our career, working out, or trying to learn new skills generally. Sometimes, things get hard, setbacks happen. No new news there, but why this book is a good and quick read (but gender bias in his examples at every turn in the book with implicit assumptions around the best being portrayed as a man continually is my only critique of an otherwise fabulous read), is that it compels you to think about why you quit when you do.

What is worth pushing through to the other side?

This little gem of a book talks about what criteria can be created to give yourself the permission to quit for the right reasons and at the right time. Invaluable.

Why is it that some of us don’t quit when we should?  When there is a dead end or a cliff that ultimately creates a downfall or loss for us in some way?

It got me thinking about so many of the people I coach.

It is my opinion that we are all in a state of quitting, we just do not know it. Much like Steven Covey’s identified habit of ‘begin with the end in mind’ in his book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, success often comes with an exit strategy or a desired outcome.

We might be at the start of the curve and full of enthusiasm. But, over time it is inevitable that we are fighting entropy, boredom or irrelevance unless we find new ways to do things. We should know our mission and our end goal but change the product, tactic, approach where necessary, quit those things, but not the stuff that makes us great and makes us happy.

Seth Godin agrees, “The best quitters are those who decide to quit in advance, not because of panic or momentary dip. When you are being asked to settle for less, compromise or drop out, your desire to quit should be at its lowest. If it’s the easiest time to give up that is not the time to give up. “

He continues, “Strategic quitting is a conscious decision you make based on the choices that are available to you. If you realize you are at a dead end compared to what you could be investing in, quitting is not a reasonable choice, it’s a smart one.”

You should quit when you are facing a cliff or a dead end. Forget pride, sunken costs, quit when you know you can do better or be better or have more of what you want.

What is the bigger picture?

So, the message here is don’t quit your job if there is still value to you in the firm or industry, quit the way you do your job or quit the team or manager or even the firm. But, know what you want and need to know what you have to do to get it.

Need help figuring this all out? Work with a career coach – schedule a free exploratory chat to see if coaching is for you with Nicki Gilmour here.

/by

How To Get Promoted

If getting promoted at work is on your goal list for the rest of the year, or part of early ruminations for a new year resolution for next year, how then can you do your best to achieve your goal?

How To Get PromotedHere are some things to consider:

1. Do you know what the formal promotional process is? Are you in it? What do you need to do criteria wise to get into it? Who drives it in your firm? What roles respectively do your boss(es) and HR play? What other stakeholders are important?

2. What job do you want? Do you want to take the next promotional step as defined by the company? If so, great, take time to understand the competencies needed to make the leap – both hard skills and behaviors. All jobs have tasks that we prefer over other tasks. Be honest with yourself, how strategically important are the tasks that you are avoiding and how will that impact you when being considered for the promotion?

3. If you do not want the linear next step, think about what you like doing, with who and why you enjoy it. This is a great way to distill what would be a good expansion of your role or even a lateral or a non-linear upward move to a different department. Then, work with your sponsor, boss and HR to craft your path.

4. Culturally, take a long hard look at what behaviors get rewarded at your firm. Do they equally get rewarded no matter what gender you are? What flies? What does not get tolerated? What grabs senior management’s attention? This is an important analysis to do as these data points are all keys to seeing what the future could look like so that you can proactively manage your career, every step of the way.

If you would like to work with an executive coach on navigating the terrain, schedule a free exploratory chat with Nicki Gilmour here.

/by

How do you know if you are ready for a job change?

People leave jobs for many reasons.

Is it time to change jobs, change firms or leave the industry? (F)However, the more senior you are in the organization and the longer you have been there, the psychological grip on you to stay there is usually higher. You might tell yourself you are staying for practical reasons like bonuses or vested equity or deferred comp. All of these are valid for sure but really how much money are we talking and have you looked at how that money can be cashed in even if you do stay or leave?

Are you using that as an excuse to mask a deeper fear of the unknown? If you have been at a place for over ten years, it is totally normal to think about how could you possibly find a new job in a different firm and question what would that be like, culturally.

How do you know if you are ready for a change?

Hermina Ibarra provides an excellent survey in her amazing book “Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader” (I recommend it to my coaching clients regulary)

Have a go at answering the questions with a yes or a no.

  1. Have you been in the same job or career path for at least seven years?
  2. Do you find yourself restless professionally?
  3. Do you find your job more draining than energizing?
  4. Do you resent not having more time for outside interests or family?
  5. Do you have a changing family configuration that will allow you to explore other options?
  6. Are you admiring folks around you who are making big changes?
  7. Has your work lost some meaning for you?
  8. Do you find that your career ambitions are changing?
  9. Recent events have left me appraising what I really want?
  10. Do you find your enthusiasm has waned for your work projects?

If you got 6-10 yeses then you could already be deeply in a career-transitioning period. Make time to reflect on your goals and see if your life goals are evolving also.

If you got 3-5 yeses then you may be entering a career-transitioning period. Work to increase insights and “outsights” which are new horizons that appear from doing new things and meeting new people.

If you got 2 or less yeses then you are more likely to be in a career-building period in your current job so you are busy working on
developing within that role, team or firm.

If you would like to work with Nicki Gilmour as your coach, you can have a free complementary call to discuss what is on your mind and to see if there is a fit and see if coaching is for you. Book your preliminary meeting with Nicki here.

/by

Got laid off? What to do next.

Nicki GilmourCompanies downsize and restructure, and if you are reading this from a seat in the financial services industry then you know that this cycle is probably about to start soon if you haven’t already seen some movement on this already.

If your company is downsizing and you got a tap on the shoulder informing you that your team is being consolidated and there is no place for you or, in a more extreme fashion, they even marched you out of the building, then what should you do? Recover.

You are faced with choices, albeit unconscious sometimes, of how to recover and to move on and up to bigger and better. This is an opportunity. Frame it that way, do not take it personally.

Yes, there are many emotions and thoughts involved with this type of situation. The best thing you can do is let go of any negative emotion (anger, bitterness, etc.) and list what you enjoyed most and what you enjoyed least about both the job itself and the company culture. This will help you figure out what is next for you, professionally!

If you have any kind of financial cushion, make a promise to yourself that you will not make rash decisions and instead take the time to reflect on what you really want to do next.

What do you really want? More satisfaction, more time, more flexibility, more money, a different title, a different industry? What do you want less of? What is on your “should” list?  Defining that is a great way to purge what you think you have to do, as opposed to want you actually want to do.

These are all elements that you can now think about as maybe it is time to go up the ladder or take a lateral move?  Either way, now is ultimately an ideal time to figure out what you want and what works for you at this juncture as last time you interviewed for a job, you might have been in a different place in your life. Not least, you have a chance to think about your enhanced skillset since that last time around.

If you need a coach to help you navigate what is next, we offer coaching services and you can have a free exploratory call to see if coaching is for you with Nicki Gilmour, head of theglasshammer and certified coach by booking a time here. 

/by

Resume Anxiety? Just tell your story.

By Nicki Gilmour

Nicki GilmourMany people, despite having amazing experience in their career, have anxiety when writing their resume.

Especially if they have not had the resume out in circulation for a while or have always gotten a job via their network.

There are certainly rules of the road and I enjoyed this article on the practical things to do when prepping your resume. But, the bigger issue is why is putting together your resume such a big deal for most of us? Or, rather, a task we would really like to put off until we really have to do it?

I think the intense focus I have observed in my coaching clients who are thinking of moving jobs, and therefore have the question of a resume update, is very much linked with having to feel perfect. It makes sense to feel vulnerable to rejection as we put ourselves out there after many years at a firm. And so many of us reading this are overachievers, but some of us are what is known as ‘insecure overachievers’ whereby we strive for the best for our own validation and we are very hard on ourselves. We can go overboard when we just need to step back and think “What is my career narrative? What do I do well that I want to continue doing?” and finally “What context is provided for this next potential job that I can take my vast experience and apply specifically to it in a version?”

Ultimately, the person reviewing your resume probably doesn’t know you well. Make it easy for them to understand the story so far.

Taking my own advice to show you how we fall in the pitfalls.

As a coach when I am often asked to review my client’s resume to which I say:

“I am happy to do that with the caveat that that I am not a resume expert.”

Now, the coach here has to take her own medicine as I just did and continue to do is what so many really talented women do, negate actual experience with self-deprecating self talk de-authorizing ourselves from the job.

What did I do? I had a thought that led to a familiar personal (and cultural, hello Brits!) behavior.

The truth is, I am actually pretty qualified to look at resumes as I have seen many since I was head of efinancialcareers back in the early job board days and launched the product from one job posting and one resume up. I have run start ups and hired probably 100 people myself with a resume as the starting point. I am an executive coach who has seen probably 100 resumes this year!

See how I just put out to the world that somehow I could not help them with this simple task? I did not think about what I could do in terms of what I have done quite formally and informally for the past fifteen years.

How does this play out in your story? Has your brain gotten so used to a task that you have told yourself that somehow something you do very often and well, isn’t a skill? The narrative we tell the world can be very different to what we have actually got experience in. We think of who we are through the lens of the narrative we have been telling ourselves very often.

The coaching process will be a distilling process for you to know who you are, what you want, what mental models are stopping you such as confidence, avoidance, fear of rejection or being seen as x, y or z only as examples.

You are in charge of your story and coaching can help figure out how to tell it. You have the answers, let me bring the questions.

If you are interested in a free exploratory chat to understand if coaching is for you, and to find out more about how Nicki works ( methodology, price etc) and to see if there is a fit, book a call here.

/by

Unpacking Stress at Work Part 1: Mismatched Expectations!

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach, CEO and Founder of theglasshammer.com

As a coach, many clients come to me because they are somewhat dissatisfied at work. Often they have been happy for years and a new structure or a new job in the firm has made them question if they should leave the team or even the firm.

It is rarely ever the tasks that make people wrestle with the big question of “Should I stay or should I go” as senior people find ways of navigating and delegating where appropriate. In fact people can love their tasks, the day to day of what they actually do, but hate their role.

How come? Simply put, because a role can consist of responsibilities that are not aligned with the appropriate authority to execute leaving people feeling like they cannot succeed on their mission. This can show up as having no formal authority around managing the people who have to deliver on a product or a behavior, or having no budget or resources to make the goal happen.

If you suspect you are there, ask yourself three questions:

  1. “Does this role have definitive responsibilities that require tangible results?”
  2. “Am I the type of person who needs to see tangible outcomes for my own well-being/sense of self? or for my formal reward or evaluation?”
  3. “In this role, will I have the ability to deliver part or all of the solution or product via myself and a team that I have control over in some way or another such as reporting line, resources and budget? What could stop this from running smoothly?”

If you say yes to needing to see tangible results, your job requires it and your current position gives you the ability to execute on your responsibilities such as call clients, sell them a product and let a qualified and competent team fulfill on the order (or even deliver it yourself), then my guess is, things are good unless you are a horrible boss (which is for another day).

However, if you say yes to the tangible results piece and your job has you taking on a nebulous or aspirational mission, without any team, budget or ability to infiltrate and change core aspects of the company or system, then you might feel the tension.

Lastly, maybe you do not need or have not been given formal responsibilities around tangible results and in this case then advocacy or influencer work tends not create such a rub organizationally or for the individual except when the individual has a high sense of tangible achievements for their own validation.

If you would like to work with a coach because you are experiencing any of the above and want to talk through your options and make a plan of action, Nicki Gilmour is taking on 5 new clients for summer only and you can book a free exploratory chat with her here.

Nicki is a qualified coach and holds a masters from Columbia University in Organizational Psychology and is the Founder of theglasshammer.com

/by

Should I stay or should I go? Are you thinking of leaving for the right reasons?

, ,
Nicki Gilmour - Founder of The Glasshammer.comShould I stay in my job or leave to go to a new firm? This is often the question that brings people to coaching.

There is no simple answer to this, but there are ways to truly explore what is best for you.

I can break these down into three categories:

1. Systemic dysfunction – is there misalignment in the way people and processes meet? Is the culture and how work gets done around here, one of inconsistent management practices with no real support with process and policy to ensure good behaviors happen? Is leadership lacking? Is the mission unclear? Are you able to do your job the way you see fit?

2. You – your mental models, behaviors, reaction and actions.

3. Them – other people and their mental models, behaviors, reactions and actions.

It is only by looking at these factors that you can make an assessment of whether staying or leaving is best. You go with you to the next job so repeating patterns won’t bring you happiness or success if those patterns needs to be broken.

I am now taking up to 15 new coaching clients for Spring/Summer – if you are interested in signing up and working with me for 5 sessions, book in for an exploratory call to see if I can help you over the next 6-9 months so you can develop, grow, succeed and feel renewal at work.

Testimonials from mid to senior level professionals available.

/by