Self-Regulation is the Key to a Successful Career

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 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PyschologistNicki Gilmour
Some people are blessed with an even temper and tactful diplomacy at work. The rest of us are not and we are in fact very human with buttons that can be pressed and triggers that can be triggered. It is entirely worth your while figuring out what your hot buttons are so that you know why they exist and then what to do to make sure you are in control of your reaction.

You don’t have to be a robot but you do need to know how to apply emotional intelligence (EQ). If you are short of EQ, then work with a coach to develop it and if you still don’t have it then you have to learn how to fake it until you make it.

Reactions matter. It’s a virtuous circle to stay calm and carry on.
People want to work with people who are going to show real but positive emotion regarding regular and especially stressful situations.

Equally, be aware of passive aggressiveness which is a productivity killer and is mistaken as self-regulation. It typically takes the form of team members leisurely ignoring each other and pursuing their own agenda. If you are saying yes to a task but really are saying no, then you should step back and think about other ways to communicate that you would like to do the task differently.

Treat others how you would like to be treated.

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How to Nurture Independent Employees (Who Still Stand by You)

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Independent Female Boss

Image via Shutterstock

Guest contributed by Lisa Messenger

Ten years ago, you rarely heard the term ‘intrapreneur’ – the buzzword used to describe an employee who has an entrepreneurial spirit. But these days, it’s front and centre of every work place as we all do our best to engage and develop those working within our ranks who could easily run their own. Perhaps you have one (or you are one) – the staff member who follows their initiative, turns an idea into reality and works with passion and purpose. Basically, the ideal employee – or are they? The downside of giving your staff total autonomy in the office is their independence might backfire on leaders, if you’re not careful. Driven, ambitious and determined, an intrapreneur can follow their dreams right out the door, if a company doesn’t give them a reason to be loyal.

And while they can be hard to handle at times, there is great value in having an intrapreneur as part of your team, or company.

I am particularly aware of this when nurturing my staff. Our entire magazine is built on an ‘anything is possible’ premise; our pages filled with the inspiring stories of professionals, creatives, thought-leaders and artists who work without limits, take chances and aren’t afraid of risky decisions. I encourage my team to think independently, freely and rebelliously but every day, I still need them to come into the office and commit to my company.

I’ve happy to say my core team has been with me since the start of Collective Hub, helping the magazine to expand to a global publication sold in 37 countries and the online platforms to go even further. It’s been an amazing journey and I couldn’t have done it without both their commitment and self-sufficiency.

But intrapreneurs have their challenges. It’s an interesting contradiction but one that leaders of the future have to master. How can you nurture independent employees who think like renegades but are as loyal as family? Here are my top tips:

Create a Safe Space. I’m not talking about installing smoke alarms and ensuring there’s no loose floorboards. It’s important to create a culture where employees feel like they can make their ideas heard, without feeling judged, overpowered or ignored. Be aware that different people communicate differently. Forcing everyone to pitch ideas at a weekly meeting may be a nightmare for introverts. Instead start a ‘cyber comments box’ – it could be a shared Google document where employees can suggest ideas, either under their name or anonymously.

Act Like an Owner. This is one of the employee principles at LinkedIn. As one former intern explained in a blog post, “For some [this] means making wise financial decisions on your budget, others it is turning off the lights as you leave a room, or picking up trash that someone left behind.” This mindset is vital for employee loyalty – encouraging people to look past their job description and feel responsible for the 360-degree outcome of a company. It only takes small changes. Research has found that an employee’s sense of ‘psychological ownership’ can be boosted simply by personalising their office with family photos or allowing them to choose their own job title.

Get Out of the Office. On a hot summer’s afternoon, when you’re sitting at a desk behind a window, the freelance life can seem very tempting. That’s why I encourage my team to escape into the outside world, whether that means scheduling a meeting at a pavement café, taking a micro-break in the park or hosting a brainstorming afternoon beside a hotel pool (yes, we’ve done this). Airbnb applies its brand motto – ‘You belong anywhere’ – to its employees, who can roam between different workspaces in their global offices, inside and out.

Money does Matter. There’s sometimes a misconception, especially in the startup, that loving your job is enough to make up for an appallingly low salary. Studies do show that wages are less important to Gen-Y than baby boomers but it’s still important for a worker to feel financially valued. As a leader, this may mean thinking creatively, especially if an accounts department is watching you carefully. If a junior staff member has an idea for a new platform or product, can you offer them a percentage of the profit in exchange for overseeing it? It’s a morale boosting gesture, plus we’re all more likely to give a project our all if it could potentially fill our pockets.

Explain Your No-Moments. At some point even your star employee will have to deal with one of their key ideas being rejected. This can lead to a dejected worker scouring job boards for vacancies, which is why it’s so important to explain your reasons using hard facts and data. Why isn’t the concept commercially-viable right now, could it be explored in the future or could you evolve the idea to make it more do-able? Always remind employees that not every idea can be implemented. As Steve Jobs said, “People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on… It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are.”

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of our Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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8 Cover Letter Writing Mistakes You Should Avoid

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Guest contributed by Gloria Kopp

letter writing

Image via Shutterstock

Even seasoned professional women who have years of experience working on Wall Street can make mistakes when writing cover letters and trying to get promotions or change jobs. These mistakes can really derail a promising career, and stall your professional development by several years. Fortunately, this resource for professional women can help you avoid making mistakes that can hold you back and instead you can really thrive as you soar up the career ladder.

1.  Sending the Same Generic Letter to Every Application

While it may be a hassle, the truth is that you need to personalize every letter to the specific job you are applying for, you can’t send anything generic out, or all you will receive is a very generic rejection.

2.  Making It All about You

Your cover letter should highlight all of the reasons that the job and the company can benefit from you, not all of the reasons you want to job. You need to state the benefits that the company will receive from hiring you, not vice versa.

3.  Update Your Details

Make sure you have a mature and professional email address, so you may need to update the Hotmail you’ve had since you were a teenager. You need to make sure that every piece of information you provide is accurate, and that your LinkedIn, phone number, and address, are all up to date, and easy to reach you on.

4.  Not Using Basic File Types

If you make it difficult to open or view your application, for example by using unusual file types when you send your documents, the HR manager is very unlikely to go to the trouble of figuring out how they open them. More likely, you will simply end up being sent to the trash pile, as there are plenty of people with easy to access resume and cover letters.

5.  Not Focusing on Your Introduction

Your introduction needs to really grab the attention of the reader, and you absolutely must make sure it is catchy, and shows you as smart, capable, and apart from the crowd. Many people brush over the introduction to try and get into the content which they consider more important. By doing this, you may lose the interest of the HR manager before you’ve even been able to sell yourself.

6.  Failing to Back Up Your Claims

When you write about certain skills or qualifications that you have gained in your career, you need to explicitly exhibit where you gained them and how you used them.

7.  Just Repeating Your Resume

Your cover letter should significantly expand on the information in your resume, not just repeat it in a different format.

8.  Failing to Edit and Proofread Properly

Many competent women simply assume that they haven’t made mistakes when they’re writing, simply because they don’t tend to make mistakes. The truth is that these small errors can happen to anyone, anywhere, and failing to check over your work out of pride, arrogance, or even ignorance that there could be anything wrong. The following online tools can make your life a lot easier and ensure that every part of your application is flawless:

  • Ginger Software – this is a comprehensive grammar checker that can be used on multiple devices to double check your work while you’re on the go, or at your desk. There’s also a dictionary, and you’re offered notes on your structure, language and can even translate your work.
  • Paper Fellows – there’s plenty of writing advice in the forums on this website, and you can also hire experts to review or help with your work.
  • Big Assignments – sometimes you can’t see the errors in your own work, so it can really pay off to have an expert editor or proof reader check your work for mistakes and offer advice.
  • Readable – when you’re applying for a job, you need to make sure that you’re writing at an appropriate level, and that you’re language isn’t too sophisticated or too simple for the job you’re applying for.
  • Ukwritings – you can’t always trust friends or family to be critical or honest when it comes to reviewing your work, however a professional editor or proof reader that you hire here will be completely honest and provide invaluable feedback.
  • Resumention – when you’re writing a cover letter, you absolutely should follow the tips and tricks that are available on this website as it is entirely tailored towards helping you succeed in your career.
  • Academized – if the job you’re applying for requires a certain level of professionalism or academia, then it is well worth checking out the amazing guides and courses here before you start writing.

By avoiding the mistakes above, you can make sure you are doing everything you can to fast-track your career.

 

Gloria Kopp is a digital marketer and an elearning consultant from Manville city. Now she works as a content manager at Boomessays company. Besides, she is a regular contributor to such websites as Engadget, Huffingtonpost, Essayroo, etc. Read her Studydemic posts.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions of Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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If You Think You Can, You Can!

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 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PsychologistNicki Gilmour

Recently as part of a paper I was writing, I was examining the elements that increase self-efficacy and improve goal setting for executives.

What makes some people believe that they can do it when others have such doubt?  Competence assumed, what are the necessary things to be in place for a professional to achieve their goal? It seems that self-reflection, forethought, intentionality and self-reactiveness are the researched pre-requisites to have to succeed. This makes sense as you need to think about what you want and plan to go for it, with the ability to reflect and act during the course of the task or job (also closely tied to adult learning theories).

So, what stops us from believing that all we have to do is set a goal and put a plan in place to achieve it? In my experience, it seems that it is our inner gremlins that stop us, the nagging self-talk that plays as part of our constant inner theater. We have thoughts and whether they are then implicit (unconscious) or explicit beliefs, they lurk in our minds with emotions and fears attached to them, telling us that we will fail, or look stupid or disappoint someone.

I realized a while ago that I am in the business of killing gremlins because you do not have to be held hostage by the paradigms that have formed or those that have been given to you by your upbringing (family or societal messaging). You literally do not have to believe all that you think to be true. Take the assumptions and put them on the table to understand what is really going on, so you can address what is getting in your way, unpack it emotionally and move on in your life and at work.

Easier said than done? Think about a goal for a second. Mine is running a 5k race and getting fit as I am aware that I want to stay alive for my family and enter middle age in good shape. The problem is I do not really run very often. This behavior is not matching up with the goal and in any normal advice column I would tell the person, in this case myself, to make a plan and stick to it. Sounds simple, right? Wrong, it is not that simple.

Why do rational people who really want to achieve a goal and have a history of knocking the ball out of the park on everything they do, get stuck on small but important goals? Well, like everyone else, I tell myself things to justify what I do or don’t do. Specifically in this case that I do not have time to run more than I do and that working is what I need to do.  That is my hidden competing agenda. The gremlin is lurking because it is really my fear of failure that is telling me I do not have time, not anything else. See how this works? To reframe and get on with it, you have to kill the gremlin.

If you would like to have me as your coach (or one of my associates) to kill those gremlins together, then book a free exploratory chat  or email me at nicki@theglasshammer.com as we are taking on Fall/ Winter clients -places are limited.

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What Happens When it Is Not Your Skill Level Holding You Back in Your Career?

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PyschologistNicki Gilmour

Let’s be honest. What happens when you are a highly qualified professional but people just find you hard to work with or work for? This can be a real career staller and can create headaches of having to replace staff who leave you as a manager.

Your behaviors define you. How you show up is what people notice much more than your impressive list of qualifications or even your true competence level. There are many forms of behavior that can derail you, as no matter how nice you are it doesn’t matter if you are confusing people with any of the following traits- control freak, a perfectionist or an unclear communicator.

I pick these three as development points since they assume that you mean well and your intent is good, however your impact on the other person leaves them wondering just how to meet your standards and expectations. They may have tried several ways and are at a loss for words.

How do you find out if you are doing this to your team or direct reports? Well, a feedback tool such as a 360 rater survey is always a good way to see how people perceive you against how you see yourself. As a coach, we use these tools, as do many companies to help you get to stuff that a direct question might not work for. But, if you do have good relationships with peers, it cannot hurt to buy them a coffee and ask what they think your strengths and weaknesses are. If this feels too confrontational or you are not ready to hear it in this format, there are alternative ways to ask for feedback. Here are three ideas

1. Do an “after action review” on a project, unpacking what went well and what could have been done differently. This way the topic is the project but with a little deep questioning around how ideally you could have taken up your formal role, you can harvest gems.

2. Ask your colleague what he or she likes about your work style and what they feel they would like to see more of? Be brave and follow up with a last question along the lines of “what would you like to see less of?”

3. Think about how you show up and list any patterns in jobs or projects of how you think you acted or interacted and then talk it over with a coach to see what felt right and what felt a little odd to you. You will know as you build you EQ and SQ muscles around the accuracy of how people perceive you. However, on this note, we all have our baggage which creates lenses and views which can then distort how we do analyze our interactions. This stuff is crucial to unpack with someone who understands developmental coaching psychology as all executive coaches are not created equal on this front and 100% of the time.

When in doubt, put yourself in other people’s shoes and think about how it would feel to be on the receiving end of certain behaviors. We all have different pet peeves and likes and dislikes but this is still a good place to start!

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5 Questions to Ask At Every Networking Event

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Guest contributed by Jessica Thiefels

networking

Image via Shutterstock

People love talking about themselves, and this is key to making the most of your next networking event. Instead of talking about yourself, ask questions and listen intently. If you can get someone talking about their work, business and goals, that’s half the battle—and it makes you look good because it shows that you’re not in a hurry to ask for something.

Keep these questions in your back pocket for your next networking event.

How Did You Hear About This Event?

This may seem like a cliché icebreaker, but the arbitrary question gives you, and whoever you’re talking to, a jumping off point. After you’ve made your initial introductions, ask your fellow attendee how they know the host or heard about the event.

If he or she knows the host personally, they may be able to share an anecdote or give you some additional insight about the person or organization. If they learned about the event from a peer or social network, you can see if you’re in any of the same online groups or talk about common professional interests. “The hardest part is breaking the ice,” according to Loraine Burger from Smart Meetings. “Conversation will, for the most part, flow naturally after that first painstaking ‘hello.’”

What do you love about what you do?

This is a more open-ended version and a better conversation starter than the usual, “So, what do you do?” When you ask someone what he or she loves about their job or role, it gives them the opportunity to talk about their passions and talents. If you’re trying to transition into a new field or a similar line of work, you’ll get an interesting perspective on the work. If you already work in a similar field, it gives you new insight into what someone else loves about the profession.

You may find some common ground or you may discover a new perspective. Either way, this question will excite the person more than simply asking their title or role.

Did you always know you wanted to get into this field?

Everyone has their own unique story about how they came to be in their current position. This question gives you insight into the path this individual took to get where they are now. Maybe they always knew they wanted to be in business or marketing, or maybe they started in a different field and transitioned into their current role because of a colleague or mentor.

Whatever their story, the questions allows you to learn from someone else’s experience. “This gives your new contact a chance to tell a story and people love telling stories, especially when the story is about themselves,” advises Thomas Camarda, networking expert.

Listen to what he or she says, they may tell you about mistakes they made that lead to a career change or resources they used to improve job-related skills. You may be able to relate or you may get some fresh ideas you can use in your own career. Not everyone has a straight career trajectory, and you can learn from steps others have taken.

What did you do to set yourself apart from other candidates?

It’s no secret that the job market is competitive. With so many applicants for any given position, you either need to do something special to stand out or know someone who can help you. Whether you’re talking to someone in a similar position or someone more advanced in their career (where you’d like to be), this question can help you learn what tactics have worked for other people and what it takes to get ahead. If you’re lucky, you’ll learn strategies that you wouldn’t have thought of on your own.

What can I do for you?

Finally, rather than asking for a favor, provide your new connection with the opportunity for your help as the conversation is ending. “When first meeting someone you think could be helpful, offer your services first,” says Ted Rollins, global ecopreneur recognized by Inc. 500.

Rollins continues,

“Ask: What do you need help with right now? What do you see yourself needing the most support with in the future? Being authentic with connections. Always trying to provide greater value makes them more likely to do the same for you. This sets the foundation for a strong network that is instrumental for everyone involved.”

If you know, based on their answers to your questions that you can help in a specific way, offer that. I.E. “I’d love to introduce you to John Smith, he was just promoted to CFO at Business Emporium; I bet he’d have a lot of great insight for you.” This shows you listened to them, heard what they need, and are willing to provide a solution or help.

Whether you’re talking to a peer or someone in a higher position, remember to be sincere. Don’t come right out and ask for a job or favor. You’re building relationships that may be able to help you in the future, but your goal shouldn’t be personal gain at your initial meeting. In many cases, the most valuable advantages you can gain from a networking relationship are insight and knowledge. Try these questions at your next event. You may find that they help the conversation flow more freely and make it easier to develop lasting professional relationships.

BIO: Jessica Thiefels has been writing for more than 10 years and is currently a full-time writer, content marketing consultant and business owner. She’s been featured in Forbes and Business Insider and has written for Manta, LeadPages, Salesforce and more. Follow her on Twitter @Jlsander07 and connect LinkedIn.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions of Guest contributors are not necessarily those of the glasshammer.com

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8 Common Errors That Will Damage Your Career

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errors

Image via Shutterstock

Guest contributed by Jennifer Tait

From time to time, most of us see or hear about some crazy behaviour at work. Whether it’s a full-blown argument, a dramatic resignation or gross misconduct, you know that irreparable damage has been done to that person’s career.

However, it isn’t just the crazy moments like these that damage a career. There are actually a number of behaviours (and relatively common ones too) that cause your colleagues to view you in a negative light.

Here are 8 behaviours that you should avoid at work if you don’t want to damage your career.

  1. Boasting

Bragging about your achievements is a sure-fire way to make your colleagues dislike you. Generally speaking we simply don’t like people who boast about themselves and appear big-headed. Plus, if you’re shouting about your successes this makes others think that success isn’t a common thing for you, hence when you get it you have to shout about it.

On the one hand, it is important for you to promote yourself and your skills at work, however, you should always ensure that it is in a way that doesn’t come across as boasting.

  1. Taking credit for someone else’s work

It’s never a good feeling when someone steals your idea and naturally, it stirs up feelings of resentment. You should never take credit for someone else’s work as it shows that you have no regard for your team. It will cause significant damage to your working relationships and therefore also your career.

  1. Gossiping

We all love a bit of juicy gossip, but it’s important not to get caught up in it at work. If you get carried away chatting about your colleagues’ mistakes then the only person who is going to look bad is you. What you say about others may easily find its way back to them, so don’t be the gossip who spreads negativity.

  1. Going over someone’s head

While it’s not uncommon to go over someone’s head in an attempt to avoid conflict, this can come across as backstabbing. This tends to be a cause of even more conflict as soon as your colleague bears the brunt of your actions.

Going over a colleague’s head always makes them look bad whatever your intentions so do everything you can to resolve problems without getting others involved.

  1. Saying you hate your job

We all have our down days at work where things just don’t go our way. However, no one wants to hear about how much you hate your job. Being negative has an impact on everyone else’s mood in the office and good managers are quick to address anyone who is bringing the team down.

If you really need to vent, save it for when you get home.

  1. Having an emotional outburst

Being able to control your emotions is a skill that is central to your professionalism at work and the success of your career. An outburst of anger demonstrates that you have low emotional intelligence and will make your colleagues question whether you can be trusted to keep it together when it counts.

Emotional outbursts are a quick way to win yourself a lot of negative attention and in extreme cases to get fired. Keep your emotions in check and never make others feels that you are intimidating and unapproachable.

  1. Lying

Most people don’t intentionally tell lies at work. You may tell a small white lie in order to protect yourself or somebody else in your team, however if you’re found out it could be very damaging for your career.

Being caught in a lie will cause others to distrust you. Also, lying can be exhausting and is likely to cause you more stress and worry in the long term. If you can’t be honest and genuine in your workplace then you are unlikely to be happy there.

  1. Burning bridges

Your business connections and working relationships are so important to the success of your career. No matter how you feel about people, you should aim to never burn bridges as you never know when a connection will prove useful to you in the future (a broken connection can also prove quite harmful).

Quitting your job and leaving without notice, for example, will not only cause a lot of problems for your boss but also your colleagues who will have to take on your workload.

Bringing it all together

None of these common errors are particularly surprising, but they are something that many people forget about and dabble in from time to time. If you can avoid behaviours like these, you’ll have a better chance of maintaining strong working relationships that are key to career success.

About the Author

Bridgewater Resources UK work with market-leading businesses across the UK and Ireland, connecting top talent with outstanding opportunities. They offer roles within wholesale, distribution and manufacturing industries, recruiting highly skilled individuals at all levels.

Disclaimer: Views and opinions of Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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Best of Career Tips

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Our resident Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist Nicki Gilmour writes a regular inspiring and useful career tip column for theglasshammer that helps women navigate through their career.Nicki Gilmour

If you are interested in hiring an Executive Coach you may contact Nicki directly on Nicki@theglasshammer.com for a no obligation chat about our services.

Take a look at the some of the previous articles Nicki has written:

 

Leadership: How to be authentic at work and why sincerity can hinder that

The trouble with “authenticity” in the workplace is that there are many definitions of what being authentic is and in reality we are often defined by the role we play.

Why wanting more at work can be a good and bad thing

I am very guilty of living in the future and this can lead to not being 100% engaged in the present.

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Find Yourself Negotiating with Your Significant Other as well as at Work?

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Guest contributed by Simon Letchford

negotiating

Image via Shutterstock

They say that opposites attract – but when it comes to negotiating, matching the other party’s style might be the key to a successful deal.

According to a study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, negotiations go faster,  are more congenial and have better outcomes when both negotiators have matching personality traits.

Given that it could be said that most relationships work better when personalities do not clash, that shouldn’t be surprising. Sadly, in the real world you rarely get to choose the individuals you need to negotiate with. There are, however, things you can focus on to improve your chances of a successful deal. While we don’t guarantee you’ll find your next soulmate in love, you are more likely to get a better deal in less time in other parts of your life.

Buyers are from Venus, Sellers are from Mars

Have you ever had to negotiate a deal with someone and felt like they were from a different planet?

We teach the art of negotiation to thousands of professionals each year, and they often express frustration with the way the other side talks and behaves…

Salesperson’s inner voice – “Why does this buyer keep asking for more and more detail? Why can’t he just make a decision so we can get to the fun stuff?”

Procurement: “I don’t care about your golf game, where’s my cost breakdown? And stop asking me about my personal life!”

Extroverts (most salespeople) tend to be socially open, future-oriented, and relationship-based. They prefer to communicate top-down, and are easily bored with details. The people they negotiate with the most, procurement folks, tend to be the exact opposite – analytical, more socially closed, interested in the here-and-now, and detail-oriented – making communication and negotiation frustrating to both parties.

So, step one is to recognize that we’re not all programmed to communicate the same way. You might even say we’re not all from the same planet.

Visit their planet to do the deal

Good negotiators are aware of their own communication style, as well as their opposition’s style, and they adapt their own style to the other party’s rather than relying on the other side to adapt to theirs.

Identify what planet the other side is on. Look for the cues that will indicate how they are “programmed”.

People-driven negotiators tend to be comfortable talking about their personal lives. Their offices are more likely to have lots of photos of friends and family, certificates, and even photos of famous people they’ve met. Your proposals to these types should be packaged and presented to accentuate image, vision, uniqueness and personal recognition.

Data-driven analytical types can find these people-driven topics tedious, or even inappropriate. Their offices will tend to have one or two family photos. Your negotiation proposals to these types should highlight data, profit and loss, information and ways to address business risks – keeping the personal discussions to a polite minimum.

Dominant personality styles tend to make statements rather than ask questions. They are comfortable challenging you, and tend to be more decisive. Proposals to these negotiators should be concise, and focused on the bottom line and results.

Passive styles tend to be more thoughtful and hesitating. They will ask more questions, express their opinions less often, and focus on risk. Proposals should be based on addressing risks, be factual and be supported by data, not opinions. You’ll need more negotiating patience here, as pushing for a quick decision can come across as intimidating.

Dress for the role you want

It’s not easy to adapt your style to another person’s; it takes skill and practice. If you personally have trouble connecting with the other side’s lead negotiator, (and let’s face it, sometimes two people just do not get on), think about introducing a second person on your team who has a similar style to them. As long as your team-member is aligned to your goals and strategy, they can sometimes help translate between you and your intermediary and help move the process forward.

In other words, if you’re having trouble translating from Venetian to Martian, consider bringing a Martian with you to the table.

Final two caveats

Firstly, I’m not suggesting you try to change who you are or your values or objectives. No personality type is better than the other – we just process information differently, so think carefully about how you communicate your issues to the other side.

Secondly, don’t confuse the substance of the deal (the pricing, terms, contract length and risk) with the tone and communication style deployed during the negotiation. Tone and style are only one factor in the art of negotiation – the skills of knowing your goals and limits, listening, asking good questions, making credible proposals and knowing how to respond to a “no” are also critical, and a topic for another day.

Simon Letchford is Managing Director of Scotwork’s North American business. Scotwork is a global negotiation consultancy that advises clients on negotiation strategy, and trains over 12,000 managers and executives each year in negotiation skills.

Disclaimer: Views and opinions of Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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How to Be the Best Ally You Can be to an LGBT Co-worker or Colleague

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PyschologistNicki Gilmour

You are probably fairly evolved when it comes to treating others like you would like to be treated. You stick to this golden rule and that is a good basic strategy as human civility and trust come from simple questions such as ‘Hey, how was your weekend?’

Letting the person respond to ‘the weekend’ question in an authentic way without raising an eyebrow or judging them according to your norms and yardstick is also a good start. Often a simple reply of ‘I went to the cinema with my girlfriend/wife/partner’ becomes an anxiety ridden moment for the gay gal or guy. If there is a sense of not being able to disclose this otherwise very normal and innocuous piece of info about their weekend, they may not trust you. This creates a difference that doesn’t need to be there.  People won’t share, they will change pronouns and generally omit details. Imagine not being able to talk casually about your everyday life? Not fun! Just think that if you are straight, you never run the risk of being accused of having a lifestyle for watching the same Hollywood movie hit as everyone else this past weekend.

The stakes can be high. I am not talking about the lack of legal protections in some states and parts of the world that can result in instant firing for being suspected of being gay (see last week’s column), I am talking about trust. If people do not trust you, you are not going to have the best shot at a high performing team as we have seen from numerous workplace research regardless of LGBT status.

What can you do to ensure you are being inclusive?

– When a new woman joins, do not ask her about her husband, instead use inclusive language like spouse/significant other.
– Show inclusive behavior like mentoring an LGBT team member or being reverse mentored by them.
– Take time to get to know people individually. Just because you know one gay person does not mean you know what all gay people are like.
– Do not say ‘Oh, I have a gay friend’ out of context. Can you imagine if every guy you met made a point of telling you that they had one platonic female friend as an isolated sentence?
– Do tell an anecdotal story about a time that you and your gay friend did something together in context if you want to make the other person aware that you do have exposure to an LGBT person in your life
– Making other people comfortable is a lovely trait no matter who you are and who they are.

If you really want to do more, ask them what they think you can do and open up dialogue. Know that like anything they do not represent all gay people everywhere but rather just one human who like everyone else is getting through life with hopes, dreams, concerns and chores as much as anyone else.

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