What Would Oprah Say?

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 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PsychologistNicki Gilmour

Advice giving is a tricky business and when I thought up the title of this week’s column, I actually googled the sentence “What would Oprah say?” to find out she is the modern day Plato. No one can argue with her words of wisdom as she is a mentor to us all in that respect and a glass breaker in so many ways. I watched her as a girl from my TV screen in Northern Ireland not knowing that my own destiny would bring me to the USA to help people be their best selves.

My point? As useful as anyone’s advice is in this life, what matters is how you use it and integrate it. To do this, it’s key to know yourself and the constructs that you have built over time. What beliefs do you hold? How does that affect how you to take on new beliefs? Do those new ones confirm old biases or transform you? How can you check for validity in a meta-universal way so you can escape subjectivity of just adding to the pile of assumptions that may or may not be true? What beliefs are so implicit that they are hidden to you, yet create competing agendas to your espoused goals?

Oprah can tell you to go higher, Sheryl can tell you to lean in and all of that has truth in it. It’s good advice, but its just advice. Only you can dig deep into your own paradigms and figure out what you believe in and why you do what you do.

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Op-Ed: How Seed Crowdfunding is Unleashing Female Entrepreneurial Potential

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Guest contributed by Aoife FloodAoife Flood Crowdfunding

I recently had the privilege of being part of an exciting PwC research project undertaken in collaboration with The Crowdfunding Centre culminating in the release of our Women Unbound: Unleashing female entrepreneurial potential report.

The report explores the experience of women in achieving finance raising success through seed crowdfunding compared with more traditional finance raising routes and brings to the fore a lot of powerful and scary insights and opportunities. For example, while challenges like the gender leadership gap and the gender pay gap receive widespread media attention, the barriers that female-led businesses and entrepreneurs face in accessing finance have been much less visibly reported. For me personally being part of this research process was certainly somewhat of a rude awakening.

The fact is most decision makers in the venture capital industry are male, and research shows that male entrepreneurs are 86% more likely to be venture capital funded than their female counterparts, and 59% more likely to secure angel investment. Meanwhile, a $300 billion financing gap exists globally for formal, women-owned small businesses, and 70% of women-owned small and medium sized enterprises have inadequate or no access to financial services.

One thing is clear, female entrepreneurs receive less than male entrepreneurs through traditional funding channels and this funding gap is a missed opportunity. Investing in or supporting women-led business has the potential to deliver some of the highest-returns – for investors and societies. Take for example the UK, if they could match US levels of female entrepreneurship they could potentially add £23 billion gross value add to their economy.

What the data in this Women unbound report shows clearly is that when women choose to access crowdfunding they are more than capable – and very often more capable than men. Thanks to crowdfunding, female entrepreneurs can now access the market directly – and this makes a huge difference because when they do, female crowdfunders are 32% more successful than their male counterparts.

The report analysed data from over 450,000 seed crowdfunding campaigns, from nine of the largest crowdfunding platforms globally over a two year period.

What the analysis told us is that men clearly crowdfund more than women, 72% of crowdfunders globally were male compared with 28% who were women. Yet, globally, women are more successful at crowdfunding than men: 22% of campaigns led by a women reached their target, compared to 17% of those led by men. And this is not a collective anomaly, women-led campaigns performed better (in terms of securing their funding goals) than campaigns led by men when we segregated the data for every sector and every territory.

Even in what are considered more masculine sectors, for example technology where just one in every ten crowdfunders is female, 13% of women were successful in achieving their funding goal compared to just 10% of men.

So despite their clear underrepresentation, women are more successful at crowdfunding than men. But why is this?

The main factor seems to be because crowdfunding attracts, enables and empowers far more female decision makers as project backers. In essence, just like the dominance of male representation in traditional financing channels can create barriers for women, the more gender-level playing field of the crowd provides one explanation for why women are more likely to succeed at crowdfunding than men.

Female crowdfunders also tend to use more emotional and inclusive language in their videos and pitch descriptions than men.  This language is more appealing both to female and to male backers and positively correlated to funding success. While the use of business language, the style typically favoured by male crowdfunders, has been shown to be negatively correlated with money raised irrespective of what product or service is being pitched.

Yet, while women are outperforming men in achieving their funding targets across the board, the fact remains that significantly more men are crowdfunding than women, and as result, men raise substantially more finance via this channel. Men are also more ambitious in establishing higher funding goals than their female counterparts and we see them dominate in the highest funded campaigns by sector.

In fact, while there were 63 campaigns that raised over $1 million, only seven of these were led by women (11%), with the most funded campaign created by a woman placing number 18 on the list. However, progress is being made, 2014 data illustrates that only 7% of campaigns raising over $1million were led by women, and the most funded campaign created by a woman placed 37 on the list. On another positive note, on average female-led campaigns receive 5% more per individual pledge globally than male-led campaigns.

Despite this, significant opportunity still remains for women to become more active and represented in crowdfunding and to be more ambitious when establishing their finance raising goals.

I truly hope that the success of female crowdfunders highlighted in this report inspires and motivates more budding and established female entrepreneurs to explore crowdfunding.

Overall, the findings of our Women unbound report pose a strong challenge to existing entrepreneurial and business norms by seriously questioning whether there are deep-rooted biases that are preventing greater access to funding  by female entrepreneurs. It is extremely positive to see that the growth and global reach of seed crowdfunding presents several major opportunities, each with the potential for major social and economic impact. Including the understanding and acceptance that seed crowdfunding is now a well-established environment through which women can thrive.

Learn more about these opportunities by reading our Women unbound report or visit our data explorer to check out the geographical and sector crowdfunding trends for yourself

Contributed by Aoife Flood. Based in Dublin, Ireland, Aoife is Senior Manager of the Global Diversity and Inclusion Programme Office at PricewaterhouseCoopers International Limited. A version of this op-ed was originally published in PwC’s Gender Agenda Blog. 

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Why One Type of Advice Doesn’t Fit All

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PsychologistNicki-Gilmour-bio

When I am writing this column I go through a range of emotions due to the fact that any article giving advice is just an opinion. It is easy to be opinionated, to live in the dogma of the binary of this way or that way, but it’s often not that useful for the person on the receiving end.

The best that I can do is base the advice on a combination of expertise, research and intuition. However, I do not know you personally, I do not know what your specific situation is that you need advice around. I also do not know the environment you are operating in, nor the developmental frames or mental models that you have accumulated through your own interpretation of your experiences during your life until this day. I do not know your reactions to bad bosses, stress,  wins, systemic gender issues . My point is, this is the internal diversity that matters to you in your career advancement, the cognitive and emotional differences and capacities that every human has, not the just the social identity version of diversity that is touted in companies which way too often feels like Noah collecting animals for his Ark.

We are all a product of our ability to self-reflect on our conscious thoughts and actions. The unconscious beliefs we all hold are harder to access as they are unknown to us but often hold in place competing agendas that stop us from achieving our goals via behaviors that are not aligned with goal attainment. I have mentioned Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey’s book Immunity to Change a couple of times in this column. They don’t know who I am, this is one of the few books I wax lyrical about, but I can honestly tell you their work is a must read for anyone who is wondering how to really get to why some of those goals and resolutions around career, fitness, family are still outstanding. I just wrote a paper integrating their work with the Columbia Coaching Program Process, as it is my firm belief that unless you access the murky unconscious of how you construct your big assumptions, and say them out loud to yourself to check for validity, your self-efficacy around goal setting for you as an executive can’t be totally effective- even if you are the most motivated person on the planet.

So, this week instead of telling you to do this strategy or that strategy, I am going to ask you to think, pre-holidays, about what you want to achieve in the next 12 months and then to look long and hard at what you are currently doing to reach those goals. Not the should or ought to do but what you are doing or not doing. Then ask yourself whats really going on? What is your competing agenda hidden in all of this?

We have 20 places left for individuals for our next round of individual coaching starting in November.

We also have a group coaching starting in December- join a cohort of peers.

Get in touch! Nicki@theglasshammer.com or book an exploratory call here to learn more about what we are doing and how much it costs.

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4 Tips to Overcome Stress for Job Hunters

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Frustrated blonde woman sitting at a computerGuest contributed by Ora Nadrich

Looking for work can feel extremely stressful, but we may not realize that the negative thoughts we have around finding a job can actually be the very thing that’s preventing us from getting one.

Too often, it’s our negative thoughts around finding a job that can make us doubt our capabilities or worthiness, and some of those undermining or diminishing thoughts can, in fact, harm our chances of getting hired. Without realizing it, the negative energy around our thoughts can give off a negative vibration that people pick up, and we may not even know that the critical self-talk that’s going on in our head, is the very thing that could sabotage us getting the very thing we need; a job.

That’s why it’s important to be aware of those negative thoughts right when they begin to percolate and wreak havoc with our emotions, and recognize that it’s time to separate from them. The Says Who? method is a straightforward, powerful way of questioning and challenging those thoughts that stops them right in their tracks. And by facing a negative thought with a question, we find out if it’s true — or if we can just let it go. This is an approach anyone can use to overcome negative thoughts so you can be better prepared and confident while seeking employment.

Here’s how to get rid of those negative thoughts in 4 simple steps:

1. Acknowledge the stress. Recognize its existence, even if it’s upsetting. Don’t deny it or try to push it away. Admit you’re feeling stress about looking for a job, and accept that you’re having those negative thoughts. Doing so allows you to focus on what is happening in the “now,” which is actual and real, instead of focusing on the emotions surrounding the thoughts.

2. Shift into observer mode. Shift gears out of reactive mode into observer mode. In reactive mode, you have no distance from your own negative thoughts. But in observer mode, you turn into a witness that is separated and independent from them. Then you’re in a position to ask yourself questions to help get calm and grounded.

3. Ask that negative thought, “Says Who?” You are demanding that thought reveal who is responsible for it. In other words, how did it get in your mind? Once you find out, you can decide what to do about it. Is it your original thought, or was it someone else’s that you took as your own? You may even discover it is an old thought that has become part of your core beliefs, and now it’s time to challenge it and let it go.

Say you’re always thinking, “I’m never going to find the right job.” Asking, “Says Who?” really means: “Why am I saying that I’m never going to find the right job?” Then go one step further. Ask yourself, “Is it me? If so, why would I think a thought that makes me feel insecure or doubt myself?”

4. Now you’re ready to continue the questioning process. The next questions after “Says Who?” further challenge those negative thoughts. Asking, “Have I heard someone say this thought before?” helps you find out if the negative thought is your opinion, or someone else’s. Asking, “Do I like this thought?” gives you license to consider whether it’s a thought worth keeping. And questions such as “Does this thought work for me?” can help you transform that negative thought into something positive and life-affirming. That’s the kind of thought that will help you feel good about yourself so you can venture forth to find a job that is right for you, and that you deserve.

The Says Who? Method is a powerful tool for stopping the stressful, negative thoughts we can have about finding a job. That’s because we tend to judge ourselves, especially when we feel vulnerable. This method stops that anxious “self-doubt on repeat” in its tracks, so you can stop judging yourself so harshly, and be proactive in finding a good job. You can become more effective, successful, and productive. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, it helps you feel empowered — to do and be your best.

About the author

Ora Nadrich is a Certified Life Coach, Certified Mindfulness Meditation teacher, and the author of Says Who? How One Simple Question Can Change The Way You Think Forever. Her popular album, Ora Meditations, is available on iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, Google Play, Amazon mp3 and everywhere music is sold. Learn more at http://www.oranadrich.com

Disclaimer: Views and opinions of Guest Contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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9 Tips for Women Working in a Male-Dominated Business World

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Guest contributed by Marja Norris

Every day we hear some statistic telling us what we already know: Women make up 59 percent of all post grad schools, and not enough is happening on the forefront to move more women into C-Suites. Several news agencies reported on the White House gender pay gap, which has said to have increased under Trump.

Women continue to earn less than men and have less power in the workplace, even though study after study show companies that have women in leadership roles outperform companies that don’t. What’s impeding our progress? Underlying male-oriented rules and expectations in the workplace limit women’s potential for advancement and often doom them to undistinguished careers.

Because the business world was built by men, for men, they begin their careers from a position of comparative advantage and understand these unspoken codes intuitively — they’ve been socialized for it. Too many important rules concerning women’s careers remain unarticulated.

It also doesn’t help that in the working world many businessmen don’t want to take the time to understand their women colleagues or help build a more diverse workforce. Many men resent working side-by-side with a female colleague because of our different approaches. They need to realize that, while 3 + 3 = 6, so does 4 + 2! In a scale of 0-10, together, we can achieve a 12!

Until businesses support both genders equally in the workplace, we have no choice but to move into the male mind space if we hope to work our way into executive roles. We must make it easier to gain their acceptance of us as equals in the workforce so we can get ahead.

Use these 9 tips to maximize your efforts when working in a male dominated world:

  1. Don’t take opposition personally.Avoid drama. It makes people anxious. Best to leave the emotions and your personal life at the office doorstep. It’s a waste of your energy because all it elicits is a glassy-eyed stare. Craft your points to persuade them through reason, not emotion.
  2. Be honest.Don’t bluff your way through something you’re unclear about. It’s easy to sniff out a pretender, and it will only feed impressions of female inferiority. Ask for clarity if you’re unsure. This applies to anything in business — from personal conversations to team strategy sessions. If the men in your firm are talking about fantasy football with you, don’t act as if you know about it (unless you do).
  3. Come prepared.The higher you climb in the corporate world, the more likely you are to encounter stronger personalities. Never shy away from alpha personalities in negotiations. Prepare for tough questions by arming yourself with clear, factual answers to support your arguments or recommendations.
  4. Be mindful of egos.Pointing out to people where they’re wrong, especially in front of others, is a losing proposition. If you need to correct an error, think it through and present it in such a way that it isn’t pointing the finger. Many personalities come with an ego larger than life.
  5. Keep conversations short.Don’t draw out what can be said with less explanation. Think of breaking down communications into a short news article: Give the headline, the facts from the first paragraph and the summary from the last paragraph. Save the details for further conversation or questions.
  6. Display confidence, even if you don’t feel it.Lacking confidence in any aspect of business can quickly lead to disregard, and also disrespect. Give a firm handshake, assume a confident body posture, project in a strong voice and state any request with authority rather than as a question.
  7. Be accountable.Avoid excuses. If you take on a project, stay with it to the end and take responsibility for keeping others accountable in their roles to make it happen. When an error or incorrect judgment occurs, own it and be there with a solution. You’ll gain respect.
  8. Know your values and what you’re willing to sacrifice.Know what you most value and what you’re willing to give up to focus on your career. One reason businesswomen haven’t moved the needle in the high level executive area is that it requires very long hours, often entails travel and includes constant pressure. Women traditionally have more personal demands to attend to outside of their careers. And, as overwhelmed as you may feel, talking about these demands at work won’t be well received. As the saying goes, “If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.” Otherwise, you may be viewed as weak.
  9. Get used to taking risks.Men are often more programmed for risk-taking than women. Make a point of doing one uncomfortable thing a day, like speaking with someone who intimidates you, reaching out to someone you feel is beyond your reach or learning a new skill. A little discomfort is freeing. A little risk is exciting. It encourages you to constantly move toward bigger and better things.

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Marja Norris is the CEO and founder of MarjaNorris.com, a company dedicated to helping women achieve their career goals with style and confidence. With a distinguished career in finance, she has successfully navigated the male-dominated business world and is passionate about coaching women on how to be taken seriously, be heard, and get what they want at work. Her latest book, The Unspoken Code: A Businesswoman’s No-Nonsense Guide to Making It in the Corporate World, provides women with the tools to awaken their dreams and reach their highest goals. Visit marjanorris.com.

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Self-Regulation is the Key to a Successful Career

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 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PyschologistNicki Gilmour
Some people are blessed with an even temper and tactful diplomacy at work. The rest of us are not and we are in fact very human with buttons that can be pressed and triggers that can be triggered. It is entirely worth your while figuring out what your hot buttons are so that you know why they exist and then what to do to make sure you are in control of your reaction.

You don’t have to be a robot but you do need to know how to apply emotional intelligence (EQ). If you are short of EQ, then work with a coach to develop it and if you still don’t have it then you have to learn how to fake it until you make it.

Reactions matter. It’s a virtuous circle to stay calm and carry on.
People want to work with people who are going to show real but positive emotion regarding regular and especially stressful situations.

Equally, be aware of passive aggressiveness which is a productivity killer and is mistaken as self-regulation. It typically takes the form of team members leisurely ignoring each other and pursuing their own agenda. If you are saying yes to a task but really are saying no, then you should step back and think about other ways to communicate that you would like to do the task differently.

Treat others how you would like to be treated.

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How to Nurture Independent Employees (Who Still Stand by You)

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Independent Female Boss

Image via Shutterstock

Guest contributed by Lisa Messenger

Ten years ago, you rarely heard the term ‘intrapreneur’ – the buzzword used to describe an employee who has an entrepreneurial spirit. But these days, it’s front and centre of every work place as we all do our best to engage and develop those working within our ranks who could easily run their own. Perhaps you have one (or you are one) – the staff member who follows their initiative, turns an idea into reality and works with passion and purpose. Basically, the ideal employee – or are they? The downside of giving your staff total autonomy in the office is their independence might backfire on leaders, if you’re not careful. Driven, ambitious and determined, an intrapreneur can follow their dreams right out the door, if a company doesn’t give them a reason to be loyal.

And while they can be hard to handle at times, there is great value in having an intrapreneur as part of your team, or company.

I am particularly aware of this when nurturing my staff. Our entire magazine is built on an ‘anything is possible’ premise; our pages filled with the inspiring stories of professionals, creatives, thought-leaders and artists who work without limits, take chances and aren’t afraid of risky decisions. I encourage my team to think independently, freely and rebelliously but every day, I still need them to come into the office and commit to my company.

I’ve happy to say my core team has been with me since the start of Collective Hub, helping the magazine to expand to a global publication sold in 37 countries and the online platforms to go even further. It’s been an amazing journey and I couldn’t have done it without both their commitment and self-sufficiency.

But intrapreneurs have their challenges. It’s an interesting contradiction but one that leaders of the future have to master. How can you nurture independent employees who think like renegades but are as loyal as family? Here are my top tips:

Create a Safe Space. I’m not talking about installing smoke alarms and ensuring there’s no loose floorboards. It’s important to create a culture where employees feel like they can make their ideas heard, without feeling judged, overpowered or ignored. Be aware that different people communicate differently. Forcing everyone to pitch ideas at a weekly meeting may be a nightmare for introverts. Instead start a ‘cyber comments box’ – it could be a shared Google document where employees can suggest ideas, either under their name or anonymously.

Act Like an Owner. This is one of the employee principles at LinkedIn. As one former intern explained in a blog post, “For some [this] means making wise financial decisions on your budget, others it is turning off the lights as you leave a room, or picking up trash that someone left behind.” This mindset is vital for employee loyalty – encouraging people to look past their job description and feel responsible for the 360-degree outcome of a company. It only takes small changes. Research has found that an employee’s sense of ‘psychological ownership’ can be boosted simply by personalising their office with family photos or allowing them to choose their own job title.

Get Out of the Office. On a hot summer’s afternoon, when you’re sitting at a desk behind a window, the freelance life can seem very tempting. That’s why I encourage my team to escape into the outside world, whether that means scheduling a meeting at a pavement café, taking a micro-break in the park or hosting a brainstorming afternoon beside a hotel pool (yes, we’ve done this). Airbnb applies its brand motto – ‘You belong anywhere’ – to its employees, who can roam between different workspaces in their global offices, inside and out.

Money does Matter. There’s sometimes a misconception, especially in the startup, that loving your job is enough to make up for an appallingly low salary. Studies do show that wages are less important to Gen-Y than baby boomers but it’s still important for a worker to feel financially valued. As a leader, this may mean thinking creatively, especially if an accounts department is watching you carefully. If a junior staff member has an idea for a new platform or product, can you offer them a percentage of the profit in exchange for overseeing it? It’s a morale boosting gesture, plus we’re all more likely to give a project our all if it could potentially fill our pockets.

Explain Your No-Moments. At some point even your star employee will have to deal with one of their key ideas being rejected. This can lead to a dejected worker scouring job boards for vacancies, which is why it’s so important to explain your reasons using hard facts and data. Why isn’t the concept commercially-viable right now, could it be explored in the future or could you evolve the idea to make it more do-able? Always remind employees that not every idea can be implemented. As Steve Jobs said, “People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on… It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are.”

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of our Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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8 Cover Letter Writing Mistakes You Should Avoid

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Guest contributed by Gloria Kopp

letter writing

Image via Shutterstock

Even seasoned professional women who have years of experience working on Wall Street can make mistakes when writing cover letters and trying to get promotions or change jobs. These mistakes can really derail a promising career, and stall your professional development by several years. Fortunately, this resource for professional women can help you avoid making mistakes that can hold you back and instead you can really thrive as you soar up the career ladder.

1.  Sending the Same Generic Letter to Every Application

While it may be a hassle, the truth is that you need to personalize every letter to the specific job you are applying for, you can’t send anything generic out, or all you will receive is a very generic rejection.

2.  Making It All about You

Your cover letter should highlight all of the reasons that the job and the company can benefit from you, not all of the reasons you want to job. You need to state the benefits that the company will receive from hiring you, not vice versa.

3.  Update Your Details

Make sure you have a mature and professional email address, so you may need to update the Hotmail you’ve had since you were a teenager. You need to make sure that every piece of information you provide is accurate, and that your LinkedIn, phone number, and address, are all up to date, and easy to reach you on.

4.  Not Using Basic File Types

If you make it difficult to open or view your application, for example by using unusual file types when you send your documents, the HR manager is very unlikely to go to the trouble of figuring out how they open them. More likely, you will simply end up being sent to the trash pile, as there are plenty of people with easy to access resume and cover letters.

5.  Not Focusing on Your Introduction

Your introduction needs to really grab the attention of the reader, and you absolutely must make sure it is catchy, and shows you as smart, capable, and apart from the crowd. Many people brush over the introduction to try and get into the content which they consider more important. By doing this, you may lose the interest of the HR manager before you’ve even been able to sell yourself.

6.  Failing to Back Up Your Claims

When you write about certain skills or qualifications that you have gained in your career, you need to explicitly exhibit where you gained them and how you used them.

7.  Just Repeating Your Resume

Your cover letter should significantly expand on the information in your resume, not just repeat it in a different format.

8.  Failing to Edit and Proofread Properly

Many competent women simply assume that they haven’t made mistakes when they’re writing, simply because they don’t tend to make mistakes. The truth is that these small errors can happen to anyone, anywhere, and failing to check over your work out of pride, arrogance, or even ignorance that there could be anything wrong. The following online tools can make your life a lot easier and ensure that every part of your application is flawless:

  • Ginger Software – this is a comprehensive grammar checker that can be used on multiple devices to double check your work while you’re on the go, or at your desk. There’s also a dictionary, and you’re offered notes on your structure, language and can even translate your work.
  • Paper Fellows – there’s plenty of writing advice in the forums on this website, and you can also hire experts to review or help with your work.
  • Big Assignments – sometimes you can’t see the errors in your own work, so it can really pay off to have an expert editor or proof reader check your work for mistakes and offer advice.
  • Readable – when you’re applying for a job, you need to make sure that you’re writing at an appropriate level, and that you’re language isn’t too sophisticated or too simple for the job you’re applying for.
  • Ukwritings – you can’t always trust friends or family to be critical or honest when it comes to reviewing your work, however a professional editor or proof reader that you hire here will be completely honest and provide invaluable feedback.
  • Resumention – when you’re writing a cover letter, you absolutely should follow the tips and tricks that are available on this website as it is entirely tailored towards helping you succeed in your career.
  • Academized – if the job you’re applying for requires a certain level of professionalism or academia, then it is well worth checking out the amazing guides and courses here before you start writing.

By avoiding the mistakes above, you can make sure you are doing everything you can to fast-track your career.

 

Gloria Kopp is a digital marketer and an elearning consultant from Manville city. Now she works as a content manager at Boomessays company. Besides, she is a regular contributor to such websites as Engadget, Huffingtonpost, Essayroo, etc. Read her Studydemic posts.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions of Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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If You Think You Can, You Can!

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 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PsychologistNicki Gilmour

Recently as part of a paper I was writing, I was examining the elements that increase self-efficacy and improve goal setting for executives.

What makes some people believe that they can do it when others have such doubt?  Competence assumed, what are the necessary things to be in place for a professional to achieve their goal? It seems that self-reflection, forethought, intentionality and self-reactiveness are the researched pre-requisites to have to succeed. This makes sense as you need to think about what you want and plan to go for it, with the ability to reflect and act during the course of the task or job (also closely tied to adult learning theories).

So, what stops us from believing that all we have to do is set a goal and put a plan in place to achieve it? In my experience, it seems that it is our inner gremlins that stop us, the nagging self-talk that plays as part of our constant inner theater. We have thoughts and whether they are then implicit (unconscious) or explicit beliefs, they lurk in our minds with emotions and fears attached to them, telling us that we will fail, or look stupid or disappoint someone.

I realized a while ago that I am in the business of killing gremlins because you do not have to be held hostage by the paradigms that have formed or those that have been given to you by your upbringing (family or societal messaging). You literally do not have to believe all that you think to be true. Take the assumptions and put them on the table to understand what is really going on, so you can address what is getting in your way, unpack it emotionally and move on in your life and at work.

Easier said than done? Think about a goal for a second. Mine is running a 5k race and getting fit as I am aware that I want to stay alive for my family and enter middle age in good shape. The problem is I do not really run very often. This behavior is not matching up with the goal and in any normal advice column I would tell the person, in this case myself, to make a plan and stick to it. Sounds simple, right? Wrong, it is not that simple.

Why do rational people who really want to achieve a goal and have a history of knocking the ball out of the park on everything they do, get stuck on small but important goals? Well, like everyone else, I tell myself things to justify what I do or don’t do. Specifically in this case that I do not have time to run more than I do and that working is what I need to do.  That is my hidden competing agenda. The gremlin is lurking because it is really my fear of failure that is telling me I do not have time, not anything else. See how this works? To reframe and get on with it, you have to kill the gremlin.

If you would like to have me as your coach (or one of my associates) to kill those gremlins together, then book a free exploratory chat  or email me at nicki@theglasshammer.com as we are taking on Fall/ Winter clients -places are limited.

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What Happens When it Is Not Your Skill Level Holding You Back in Your Career?

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PyschologistNicki Gilmour

Let’s be honest. What happens when you are a highly qualified professional but people just find you hard to work with or work for? This can be a real career staller and can create headaches of having to replace staff who leave you as a manager.

Your behaviors define you. How you show up is what people notice much more than your impressive list of qualifications or even your true competence level. There are many forms of behavior that can derail you, as no matter how nice you are it doesn’t matter if you are confusing people with any of the following traits- control freak, a perfectionist or an unclear communicator.

I pick these three as development points since they assume that you mean well and your intent is good, however your impact on the other person leaves them wondering just how to meet your standards and expectations. They may have tried several ways and are at a loss for words.

How do you find out if you are doing this to your team or direct reports? Well, a feedback tool such as a 360 rater survey is always a good way to see how people perceive you against how you see yourself. As a coach, we use these tools, as do many companies to help you get to stuff that a direct question might not work for. But, if you do have good relationships with peers, it cannot hurt to buy them a coffee and ask what they think your strengths and weaknesses are. If this feels too confrontational or you are not ready to hear it in this format, there are alternative ways to ask for feedback. Here are three ideas

1. Do an “after action review” on a project, unpacking what went well and what could have been done differently. This way the topic is the project but with a little deep questioning around how ideally you could have taken up your formal role, you can harvest gems.

2. Ask your colleague what he or she likes about your work style and what they feel they would like to see more of? Be brave and follow up with a last question along the lines of “what would you like to see less of?”

3. Think about how you show up and list any patterns in jobs or projects of how you think you acted or interacted and then talk it over with a coach to see what felt right and what felt a little odd to you. You will know as you build you EQ and SQ muscles around the accuracy of how people perceive you. However, on this note, we all have our baggage which creates lenses and views which can then distort how we do analyze our interactions. This stuff is crucial to unpack with someone who understands developmental coaching psychology as all executive coaches are not created equal on this front and 100% of the time.

When in doubt, put yourself in other people’s shoes and think about how it would feel to be on the receiving end of certain behaviors. We all have different pet peeves and likes and dislikes but this is still a good place to start!

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