Fallen off the January Proverbial Wagon Yet?

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Nicki GilmourBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

The way to make 2018 resolutions stick is to understand your own neuroscience about how you see your goals in action.

Your mind is driving the bus. Take back the wheel!

The rubber meets the road for goal setting when you have behaviors that actually are conducive to reaching those goals. If you find that when you write down a goal your feelings are that of relief for writing it down and espousing it but that’s where it ends, then you need to look at what you are doing or not doing and why this is the case.

For several years, I wrote “Run a 5k race” on my New Year’s resolution list. For several years, I did not run a 5k or any amount of running.

Sound familiar? If like me, you get as far as goal setting but you find you are not doing what it takes and then beating yourself up about it, then I have a solution for you.

First, look at your competing agendas, this is what you tell yourself is the reason why you cannot do x, y, z and in my case, I told myself I didn’t have time to run.
Now, you must ask yourself. What is really stopping me? What is my big assumption here? Do I really not have time? What am I doing that is a ‘boondoggle’ or time suck, that could be used for running time.
So, when you have found time, still you find that it’s not about that, what a surprise! Your big assumptions or implicit beliefs are lurking! Your mind is telling you that you dont have time but in all honestly you are scared of how much it will hurt! What if you cant do it? What if you cant achieve a simple 5k when you used to be a great athlete? True story. But, I ran that 5k last year and continue to run and do many other things by facing my fears, debunking them and giving myself permission to fail and be less than perfect. So whatever your goal is, look at what you are doing behaviorally to achieve it and then what you are not doing. Why are you not doing it? Look at what you tell yourself and the beliefs that you hold that get in your way. Be brave, it is not easy but you can do it.

If your beliefs feel paralyzing then talk to a coach! We can help you goal set and then change your mindset and behaviors to reach your goal.

If you are interested in hiring an executive coach, email nicki@theglasshammer.com directly or visit our sister company www.evolvedpeople.com to book your free, no obligation exploratory chat.

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Getting What You Want in 2018

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Nicki-Gilmour-bioBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Happy New Year!

Most of us have new resolutions and all of them will rely on a behaviorial change in their essence, as they require action. If you have figured out what you want (and what you don’t want) and have named this as a future state, then congratulations, the first part is done. But, now the goals are on paper, will you behaviorally do what you need to do to really achieve them?

The good news is that you are in charge of your choices.

The bad news is that your unconscious mind can totally hijack best laid plans by creating competing agendas. How does this show up? What saboteurs are lurking? What fears do you harbor that stop you from achieving your goals? Well, subtle behavioral conflict often happens and what you don’t do to meet your goals is worth deeper examination.

Changing or leaving your job is a common example of where you may espouse that you want to change jobs but here you are two years later still in the same spot. Maybe you have been looking, maybe you have even sent out a few resumes, but my bet is that there is truly something within yourself stopping you from doing what you need to do to get what you want. This might look like logic on the surface, like you tell yourself you don’t have time to network or you need more experience to apply. But, the interesting part of all of this is that in reality you are probably holding assumptions and beliefs that are stopping you from actioning your goals. Continuing with the “logic”, the “no time” reason is usually about a fear, and this can be anything from fear of not getting the job, to fear of not performing in the job, to even just a baseline rejection issue as well as many things including fear of what the next workplace culture might be. Sticking with “the devil you know” comes up more than you can imagine for people. Many of my clients are amazing, talented, experienced executives – women and men from different industries and they are also very human. We are all a product of our past experiences and our cultural benchmarks that often scar us from the cradle to the grave with “the way it is.”

Now, that is not to say that systemic factors are not at play, from biased hiring processes to saturation in your marketplace and turbulent external conditions. But, people get hired in up and down markets and it is the internal dialogue that you have with yourself that matters. Mindset work is key, as by understanding your own paradigms and mental models you can truly formulate practical strategies. I say this because I spent significant time in the past several years studying and researching why people fail to execute on their espoused plans from organization diversity plans to individuals who want things to change. The psychology of saying one thing and doing another is fascinating but we all do it to some extent and it happens because of cognitive dissonance or competing agendas propped up by deep implicit beliefs.

So, if you want to get to a different, better, future place than where you are now, please call me for an exploratory chat as we now have a full service sister coaching firm – Evolved People Coaching and we would be happy to find the right coach for you.

Here is to a great 2018!

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Why Does Being Recognized in Our Job Matter?

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 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PyschologistNicki Gilmour

 

We all have different personalities and we all have different needs, some based on personality and some based on the constructs and paradigms that we have become attached to over time.  Some people care about status and title and others care about responsibility or money regardless of title. No one is right and no one is wrong as it is just who we are and how we have been formed via socio-norms, our own experiences and also our interpretation of those experiences.

While need for recognition scores on psychometric tests vary person to person, we all have in common a basic need to feel that people see us  in the most primal human sense and that it matters that we are there.

So, what happens if you feel that you aren’t making a difference? That if you left tomorrow, if wouldn’t matter? If it’s at work only* then its time to review what can you do to feel better about your visibility. Or it is possible that you are experiencing burnout and just need some renewal from the grind. So, how do you get that renewal in a busy world with situations that seem to need resolution as quickly as they appear on your radar?

I read an interesting piece yesterday about coming at a hard project with renewed vigor yesterday with  “Rest and Return” being one strategy when feeling stuck. Equally, having a learner mindset, by that I mean, knowing you are there to learn and not judge yourself harshly but rather learn from what happened. This can really help with longevity in any career and in life generally.

If you are in the mood for post Thanksgiving read, there is an easy book that can make you reflect a little of how you frame things to yourself. “Change your questions, change your life”  by Marilee Adams. Or an exploration of your mindset and how a fixed mindset can hinder you will take you to Carol Dweck’s mindset work. 

As a coach, I firmly believe that growth and renewal can only be achieved when you look at past patterns and current mental models and see how they are affecting your future plans.

Sign up for a five session coaching package with me for $2000 to get you off to a good start for 2018. Book an exploratory call here to see if I can help you thrive not just survive, advance, change jobs or figure out the next 12-24 months at work.

 

**If you are  feeling blue about other areas of your life its probably best to see a therapist or clinical psychologist as well as a coach.

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Maintaining Balance as a Female Caregiver with a Career

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By Kimberley Brown

motherhood

Image via Shutterstock

Like many women who enjoy being engaged in their careers and in the workplace, they also enjoy spending time with friends and taking time to care for their families and children.

But what happens when a “working mom” who’s finally reached the pinnacle of her career now has to take the time to care for a sick child requiring ongoing care? Sara McGlocklin spent a number of years to achieve her goal to be a lawyer and McGlocklin landed her dream job as a lawyer for Children’s Law Center of California where she helps abused and neglected children in the foster care system. Then, bad news arrived. She comments,

“Seven months ago our younger daughter Marian, at 18 months, was diagnosed with early signs of a fatal and progressive genetic disorder for which there is no cure. Now, I have the added pressure of caring for my child in the midst of managing a very busy career.”

“As a young girl I did not expect the challenges of balancing a career with being a caregiver, and I especially did not anticipate being a caregiver for a child with a fatal disease,” said McGlocklin, attorney and mother of 2 children.

It’s no surprise that women are often the predominant caregivers when it comes to providing support to loved ones, especially when that loved one is a sick child. Interestingly, women are 10 times more likely to take time off from work to stay home with their sick children – and – mothers are five times more likely to take their sick kids to doctor’s appointments, according to a recent Kaiser Family Foundation study.

Like for example with Sara, she takes her daughter Marian to physical therapy twice a week, occupational therapy once a week, and speech therapy twice a week. In addition, she has to take her daughter to the hospital every other week so her daughter can take an experimental treatment.

However, in the midst of juggling numerous responsibilities for her family and her daughter, what’s interesting is Sara has actually picked up some unexpected tips along the way to encourage other women who may be trying to manage a career while being a caregiver, including…

It’s OK To Time Off: Sometimes women have a sense of guilt when asking their bosses for time off, even if it’s to care for a loved one. But it’s important to know your limits – which are human, and sometimes you are needed more at home than at work or vice versa. It’s important to carve out the flexibility you need for taking care of a sick child.

Don’t Go it Alone. Ask for help when it’s needed. Striking the balance between independence and accepting support is difficult. However, no one wins points for running themselves into the ground, and while there are many things we can accomplish on our own – accepting the help of a babysitter, friend or neighbor for small tasks adds up to big rewards. Ultimately, one of the most valuable things we have as mothers and professionals is our time. Sometimes saying, yes, when people offer help – and even voicing the need yourself brings a sense of teamwork, comfort and support. Most importantly, it is a gift of what we are all short of: time and energy to spend with our families and also meeting our needs and aspirations personally and professionally.

Take Some Pressure Off. Yes, I know everyone may be depending on you, especially if it’s a child but remember to find some down time in the midst of it all – even if it means something else isn’t getting done perfectly. Reading a good book (or watching a favorite show) or laughing with a friend can help relieve stress and recharge you so that you can be more energized to provide the care that you need to give.

Connect. Make meaningful connections with other people or communities. Women are more likely to lose friendships in their thirties and forties than to gain and create meaningful ones. Similarly, and conversely, deep and meaningful connections to other people are a critical component to happiness.

While many women continue to face some level of stress and pressure when managing their careers and serving as caregivers, it’s important for them to remember the importance of self-care as well. These simple tips should help women to gain better control and balance of their lives so they can continue to be a source of strength for loved ones and even for the co-workers who are depending on them as well.

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Working Women: It’s Time to Take Charge of Your Career

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women working mentoring
Guest Contributed by Lexie Dy (readyjob.org)
There is something within a woman that dares to defy the odds of limitations. Where there is a giant, she silences it. Where there is a mountain, she moves it. Where there is a glass ceiling, she shatters it. She carries a remarkable strength and unmistakable determination to meet her goals. She is brave and she is successful. “She” is you.
 
Sometimes all that it takes to reach our full potential is a reminder of who we are and what we can accomplish. It’s time we stop chasing our dream career or position and start taking charge of them. It’s time to shake up the business norm and not only achieve your dream career, but excel in it.
 
The positive influence women can have in the workplace is undeniable. Research shows that the presence of women (and other minorities) at the executive level of companies and in the boardroom can have what’s called a “panel effect.” When women bring their perspectives and experience to the C-level, they are able to influence white male executives on diversity, fairness, pay equality, and more. By reaching for the stars and obtaining a position of leadership, you earn the power to re-shape women’s role in business by hiring CEOs, setting executive pay, investigating discrimination, and approving executive promotions. Your success and that of those around you should be based on skills and talent, not gender and ancient stereotypes.
 
Whatever you envision as your ideal career, you can get there if you work for it. What is that thing you daydream about? You have talked about it for a while now and you would be doing it full time if only you knew how. This is how you do it: study other successful people in your field. Rub elbows with other women in positions of leadership who are where you want to see yourself and build a network. Pick their brains and discuss the ways in which they overcame the obstacles they most certainly faced.
 
 When you are up-close and personal with your own plan, it is easy to miss the 360-degree view of the rest of your world. Stay up to date with current events in your field, and learn from the people who are succeeding in unprecedented ways. Not only will you be able to apply the insight you’ve gained from other success stories, but you might impress your colleagues with a well-informed understanding of your industry.
 
To all of the women who feel like they are at a disadvantage because of their gender, be proud of who you are as a woman and as a valuable employee. Women are advancing into leadership roles, managerial positions, and business owners, yet are not always compensated equally. There is a noticeably large number of industries that haven’t fully stepped up to the times we live in. Be one of the women who help to make a lasting impression on the future of the world marketplace. Don’t shy away from the opportunity to offer your opinion on business matters. Speak up if you are overlooked for a promotion, and be bold enough to comment on your wages if you notice a discrepancy. You have the same level of importance as the men in the field, and you make a world of difference for the company the same as they do.
 
Show your supervisor that you have potential for more responsibility by setting a high standard for the rest of the team. Arrive to the job early and ready to hit the ground running. Consider how you can accomplish more than what was asked of you. Once your assignments are finished, offer to assist your co-workers with theirs. Build relationships with your teammates out of genuine interest in your future with them and the company.
 
Sure, there are going to be discouraging days, but remember: you are not your mistakes.

You will make a few errors along the way, but that is to be expected. Mistakes are often the best way to learn. If you handle them with grace, you might even be surprised by how well your positive attitude will impress your boss. Rather than hang your head and apologize, own up to it and ask how you could have done things differently and what skillsets you need to work on in order to be adequately prepared for future opportunities. Count your mishaps as a blessing in disguise and move forward.
 
Silence your giants, move your mountains, and shatter those glass ceilings. You are your very own success story waiting to happen. Be bold and take charge of your dream career. It’s time to take charge.
 
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What Would Oprah Say?

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 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PsychologistNicki Gilmour

Advice giving is a tricky business and when I thought up the title of this week’s column, I actually googled the sentence “What would Oprah say?” to find out she is the modern day Plato. No one can argue with her words of wisdom as she is a mentor to us all in that respect and a glass breaker in so many ways. I watched her as a girl from my TV screen in Northern Ireland not knowing that my own destiny would bring me to the USA to help people be their best selves.

My point? As useful as anyone’s advice is in this life, what matters is how you use it and integrate it. To do this, it’s key to know yourself and the constructs that you have built over time. What beliefs do you hold? How does that affect how you to take on new beliefs? Do those new ones confirm old biases or transform you? How can you check for validity in a meta-universal way so you can escape subjectivity of just adding to the pile of assumptions that may or may not be true? What beliefs are so implicit that they are hidden to you, yet create competing agendas to your espoused goals?

Oprah can tell you to go higher, Sheryl can tell you to lean in and all of that has truth in it. It’s good advice, but its just advice. Only you can dig deep into your own paradigms and figure out what you believe in and why you do what you do.

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Op-Ed: How Seed Crowdfunding is Unleashing Female Entrepreneurial Potential

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Guest contributed by Aoife FloodAoife Flood Crowdfunding

I recently had the privilege of being part of an exciting PwC research project undertaken in collaboration with The Crowdfunding Centre culminating in the release of our Women Unbound: Unleashing female entrepreneurial potential report.

The report explores the experience of women in achieving finance raising success through seed crowdfunding compared with more traditional finance raising routes and brings to the fore a lot of powerful and scary insights and opportunities. For example, while challenges like the gender leadership gap and the gender pay gap receive widespread media attention, the barriers that female-led businesses and entrepreneurs face in accessing finance have been much less visibly reported. For me personally being part of this research process was certainly somewhat of a rude awakening.

The fact is most decision makers in the venture capital industry are male, and research shows that male entrepreneurs are 86% more likely to be venture capital funded than their female counterparts, and 59% more likely to secure angel investment. Meanwhile, a $300 billion financing gap exists globally for formal, women-owned small businesses, and 70% of women-owned small and medium sized enterprises have inadequate or no access to financial services.

One thing is clear, female entrepreneurs receive less than male entrepreneurs through traditional funding channels and this funding gap is a missed opportunity. Investing in or supporting women-led business has the potential to deliver some of the highest-returns – for investors and societies. Take for example the UK, if they could match US levels of female entrepreneurship they could potentially add £23 billion gross value add to their economy.

What the data in this Women unbound report shows clearly is that when women choose to access crowdfunding they are more than capable – and very often more capable than men. Thanks to crowdfunding, female entrepreneurs can now access the market directly – and this makes a huge difference because when they do, female crowdfunders are 32% more successful than their male counterparts.

The report analysed data from over 450,000 seed crowdfunding campaigns, from nine of the largest crowdfunding platforms globally over a two year period.

What the analysis told us is that men clearly crowdfund more than women, 72% of crowdfunders globally were male compared with 28% who were women. Yet, globally, women are more successful at crowdfunding than men: 22% of campaigns led by a women reached their target, compared to 17% of those led by men. And this is not a collective anomaly, women-led campaigns performed better (in terms of securing their funding goals) than campaigns led by men when we segregated the data for every sector and every territory.

Even in what are considered more masculine sectors, for example technology where just one in every ten crowdfunders is female, 13% of women were successful in achieving their funding goal compared to just 10% of men.

So despite their clear underrepresentation, women are more successful at crowdfunding than men. But why is this?

The main factor seems to be because crowdfunding attracts, enables and empowers far more female decision makers as project backers. In essence, just like the dominance of male representation in traditional financing channels can create barriers for women, the more gender-level playing field of the crowd provides one explanation for why women are more likely to succeed at crowdfunding than men.

Female crowdfunders also tend to use more emotional and inclusive language in their videos and pitch descriptions than men.  This language is more appealing both to female and to male backers and positively correlated to funding success. While the use of business language, the style typically favoured by male crowdfunders, has been shown to be negatively correlated with money raised irrespective of what product or service is being pitched.

Yet, while women are outperforming men in achieving their funding targets across the board, the fact remains that significantly more men are crowdfunding than women, and as result, men raise substantially more finance via this channel. Men are also more ambitious in establishing higher funding goals than their female counterparts and we see them dominate in the highest funded campaigns by sector.

In fact, while there were 63 campaigns that raised over $1 million, only seven of these were led by women (11%), with the most funded campaign created by a woman placing number 18 on the list. However, progress is being made, 2014 data illustrates that only 7% of campaigns raising over $1million were led by women, and the most funded campaign created by a woman placed 37 on the list. On another positive note, on average female-led campaigns receive 5% more per individual pledge globally than male-led campaigns.

Despite this, significant opportunity still remains for women to become more active and represented in crowdfunding and to be more ambitious when establishing their finance raising goals.

I truly hope that the success of female crowdfunders highlighted in this report inspires and motivates more budding and established female entrepreneurs to explore crowdfunding.

Overall, the findings of our Women unbound report pose a strong challenge to existing entrepreneurial and business norms by seriously questioning whether there are deep-rooted biases that are preventing greater access to funding  by female entrepreneurs. It is extremely positive to see that the growth and global reach of seed crowdfunding presents several major opportunities, each with the potential for major social and economic impact. Including the understanding and acceptance that seed crowdfunding is now a well-established environment through which women can thrive.

Learn more about these opportunities by reading our Women unbound report or visit our data explorer to check out the geographical and sector crowdfunding trends for yourself

Contributed by Aoife Flood. Based in Dublin, Ireland, Aoife is Senior Manager of the Global Diversity and Inclusion Programme Office at PricewaterhouseCoopers International Limited. A version of this op-ed was originally published in PwC’s Gender Agenda Blog. 

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Why One Type of Advice Doesn’t Fit All

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational PsychologistNicki-Gilmour-bio

When I am writing this column I go through a range of emotions due to the fact that any article giving advice is just an opinion. It is easy to be opinionated, to live in the dogma of the binary of this way or that way, but it’s often not that useful for the person on the receiving end.

The best that I can do is base the advice on a combination of expertise, research and intuition. However, I do not know you personally, I do not know what your specific situation is that you need advice around. I also do not know the environment you are operating in, nor the developmental frames or mental models that you have accumulated through your own interpretation of your experiences during your life until this day. I do not know your reactions to bad bosses, stress,  wins, systemic gender issues . My point is, this is the internal diversity that matters to you in your career advancement, the cognitive and emotional differences and capacities that every human has, not the just the social identity version of diversity that is touted in companies which way too often feels like Noah collecting animals for his Ark.

We are all a product of our ability to self-reflect on our conscious thoughts and actions. The unconscious beliefs we all hold are harder to access as they are unknown to us but often hold in place competing agendas that stop us from achieving our goals via behaviors that are not aligned with goal attainment. I have mentioned Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey’s book Immunity to Change a couple of times in this column. They don’t know who I am, this is one of the few books I wax lyrical about, but I can honestly tell you their work is a must read for anyone who is wondering how to really get to why some of those goals and resolutions around career, fitness, family are still outstanding. I just wrote a paper integrating their work with the Columbia Coaching Program Process, as it is my firm belief that unless you access the murky unconscious of how you construct your big assumptions, and say them out loud to yourself to check for validity, your self-efficacy around goal setting for you as an executive can’t be totally effective- even if you are the most motivated person on the planet.

So, this week instead of telling you to do this strategy or that strategy, I am going to ask you to think, pre-holidays, about what you want to achieve in the next 12 months and then to look long and hard at what you are currently doing to reach those goals. Not the should or ought to do but what you are doing or not doing. Then ask yourself whats really going on? What is your competing agenda hidden in all of this?

We have 20 places left for individuals for our next round of individual coaching starting in November.

We also have a group coaching starting in December- join a cohort of peers.

Get in touch! Nicki@theglasshammer.com or book an exploratory call here to learn more about what we are doing and how much it costs.

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4 Tips to Overcome Stress for Job Hunters

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Frustrated blonde woman sitting at a computerGuest contributed by Ora Nadrich

Looking for work can feel extremely stressful, but we may not realize that the negative thoughts we have around finding a job can actually be the very thing that’s preventing us from getting one.

Too often, it’s our negative thoughts around finding a job that can make us doubt our capabilities or worthiness, and some of those undermining or diminishing thoughts can, in fact, harm our chances of getting hired. Without realizing it, the negative energy around our thoughts can give off a negative vibration that people pick up, and we may not even know that the critical self-talk that’s going on in our head, is the very thing that could sabotage us getting the very thing we need; a job.

That’s why it’s important to be aware of those negative thoughts right when they begin to percolate and wreak havoc with our emotions, and recognize that it’s time to separate from them. The Says Who? method is a straightforward, powerful way of questioning and challenging those thoughts that stops them right in their tracks. And by facing a negative thought with a question, we find out if it’s true — or if we can just let it go. This is an approach anyone can use to overcome negative thoughts so you can be better prepared and confident while seeking employment.

Here’s how to get rid of those negative thoughts in 4 simple steps:

1. Acknowledge the stress. Recognize its existence, even if it’s upsetting. Don’t deny it or try to push it away. Admit you’re feeling stress about looking for a job, and accept that you’re having those negative thoughts. Doing so allows you to focus on what is happening in the “now,” which is actual and real, instead of focusing on the emotions surrounding the thoughts.

2. Shift into observer mode. Shift gears out of reactive mode into observer mode. In reactive mode, you have no distance from your own negative thoughts. But in observer mode, you turn into a witness that is separated and independent from them. Then you’re in a position to ask yourself questions to help get calm and grounded.

3. Ask that negative thought, “Says Who?” You are demanding that thought reveal who is responsible for it. In other words, how did it get in your mind? Once you find out, you can decide what to do about it. Is it your original thought, or was it someone else’s that you took as your own? You may even discover it is an old thought that has become part of your core beliefs, and now it’s time to challenge it and let it go.

Say you’re always thinking, “I’m never going to find the right job.” Asking, “Says Who?” really means: “Why am I saying that I’m never going to find the right job?” Then go one step further. Ask yourself, “Is it me? If so, why would I think a thought that makes me feel insecure or doubt myself?”

4. Now you’re ready to continue the questioning process. The next questions after “Says Who?” further challenge those negative thoughts. Asking, “Have I heard someone say this thought before?” helps you find out if the negative thought is your opinion, or someone else’s. Asking, “Do I like this thought?” gives you license to consider whether it’s a thought worth keeping. And questions such as “Does this thought work for me?” can help you transform that negative thought into something positive and life-affirming. That’s the kind of thought that will help you feel good about yourself so you can venture forth to find a job that is right for you, and that you deserve.

The Says Who? Method is a powerful tool for stopping the stressful, negative thoughts we can have about finding a job. That’s because we tend to judge ourselves, especially when we feel vulnerable. This method stops that anxious “self-doubt on repeat” in its tracks, so you can stop judging yourself so harshly, and be proactive in finding a good job. You can become more effective, successful, and productive. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, it helps you feel empowered — to do and be your best.

About the author

Ora Nadrich is a Certified Life Coach, Certified Mindfulness Meditation teacher, and the author of Says Who? How One Simple Question Can Change The Way You Think Forever. Her popular album, Ora Meditations, is available on iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, Google Play, Amazon mp3 and everywhere music is sold. Learn more at http://www.oranadrich.com

Disclaimer: Views and opinions of Guest Contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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9 Tips for Women Working in a Male-Dominated Business World

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Guest contributed by Marja Norris

Every day we hear some statistic telling us what we already know: Women make up 59 percent of all post grad schools, and not enough is happening on the forefront to move more women into C-Suites. Several news agencies reported on the White House gender pay gap, which has said to have increased under Trump.

Women continue to earn less than men and have less power in the workplace, even though study after study show companies that have women in leadership roles outperform companies that don’t. What’s impeding our progress? Underlying male-oriented rules and expectations in the workplace limit women’s potential for advancement and often doom them to undistinguished careers.

Because the business world was built by men, for men, they begin their careers from a position of comparative advantage and understand these unspoken codes intuitively — they’ve been socialized for it. Too many important rules concerning women’s careers remain unarticulated.

It also doesn’t help that in the working world many businessmen don’t want to take the time to understand their women colleagues or help build a more diverse workforce. Many men resent working side-by-side with a female colleague because of our different approaches. They need to realize that, while 3 + 3 = 6, so does 4 + 2! In a scale of 0-10, together, we can achieve a 12!

Until businesses support both genders equally in the workplace, we have no choice but to move into the male mind space if we hope to work our way into executive roles. We must make it easier to gain their acceptance of us as equals in the workforce so we can get ahead.

Use these 9 tips to maximize your efforts when working in a male dominated world:

  1. Don’t take opposition personally.Avoid drama. It makes people anxious. Best to leave the emotions and your personal life at the office doorstep. It’s a waste of your energy because all it elicits is a glassy-eyed stare. Craft your points to persuade them through reason, not emotion.
  2. Be honest.Don’t bluff your way through something you’re unclear about. It’s easy to sniff out a pretender, and it will only feed impressions of female inferiority. Ask for clarity if you’re unsure. This applies to anything in business — from personal conversations to team strategy sessions. If the men in your firm are talking about fantasy football with you, don’t act as if you know about it (unless you do).
  3. Come prepared.The higher you climb in the corporate world, the more likely you are to encounter stronger personalities. Never shy away from alpha personalities in negotiations. Prepare for tough questions by arming yourself with clear, factual answers to support your arguments or recommendations.
  4. Be mindful of egos.Pointing out to people where they’re wrong, especially in front of others, is a losing proposition. If you need to correct an error, think it through and present it in such a way that it isn’t pointing the finger. Many personalities come with an ego larger than life.
  5. Keep conversations short.Don’t draw out what can be said with less explanation. Think of breaking down communications into a short news article: Give the headline, the facts from the first paragraph and the summary from the last paragraph. Save the details for further conversation or questions.
  6. Display confidence, even if you don’t feel it.Lacking confidence in any aspect of business can quickly lead to disregard, and also disrespect. Give a firm handshake, assume a confident body posture, project in a strong voice and state any request with authority rather than as a question.
  7. Be accountable.Avoid excuses. If you take on a project, stay with it to the end and take responsibility for keeping others accountable in their roles to make it happen. When an error or incorrect judgment occurs, own it and be there with a solution. You’ll gain respect.
  8. Know your values and what you’re willing to sacrifice.Know what you most value and what you’re willing to give up to focus on your career. One reason businesswomen haven’t moved the needle in the high level executive area is that it requires very long hours, often entails travel and includes constant pressure. Women traditionally have more personal demands to attend to outside of their careers. And, as overwhelmed as you may feel, talking about these demands at work won’t be well received. As the saying goes, “If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.” Otherwise, you may be viewed as weak.
  9. Get used to taking risks.Men are often more programmed for risk-taking than women. Make a point of doing one uncomfortable thing a day, like speaking with someone who intimidates you, reaching out to someone you feel is beyond your reach or learning a new skill. A little discomfort is freeing. A little risk is exciting. It encourages you to constantly move toward bigger and better things.

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Marja Norris is the CEO and founder of MarjaNorris.com, a company dedicated to helping women achieve their career goals with style and confidence. With a distinguished career in finance, she has successfully navigated the male-dominated business world and is passionate about coaching women on how to be taken seriously, be heard, and get what they want at work. Her latest book, The Unspoken Code: A Businesswoman’s No-Nonsense Guide to Making It in the Corporate World, provides women with the tools to awaken their dreams and reach their highest goals. Visit marjanorris.com.

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