Are You Being Sustainable? Avoid Burnout and Disengagement at Work

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Nicki GilmourBy Nicki Gilmour, Executve Coach and Organizational Psychologist (www.evolvedpeople.com)

Let’s talk about stress. We all have it, but it’s how we deal with it that matters.

Days can go past very quickly and the news cycle and social media only provokes our limbic reactions further. Are you getting good quality sleep? Are you actually benefitting from exercise or wearing yourself out? How is your stress level affecting your socio- emotional competencies at work? Or, in plain English, are you leading and managing less optimally than you could? Are your clients getting the best from you? Are you feeling mentally good about saying yes and saying no in the right ratio? What toll is it taking on your personal life?

Dr Karen Wilson and myself have developed a coaching program for high (insecure) achievers who say yes and more all the time and are very successful. But, we help you be sustainable in your behaviors, throw away the thoughts and actions that are holding you back and let you be human and great at the same time.

If you would like to enroll in our 16 week program that starts in June, we are now putting together that cohort. The cost is $4000 per person.

Please contact nicki@evolvedpeople.com telling us more about you.

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Listen More, Talk Less to Change Your World?

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Nicki GilmourBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

This International Women’s Day 2018 has positive messages regarding professional women’s careers. Messaging that women can go far and fast has never been stronger and some companies are making strides promoting women. Work for good companies, functional teams and good managers as happiness can happen at work and if you are not happy then take control of it.

Every day is women’s day on theglasshammer.com as we don’t just talk about what needs to happen (systemically and or individually) one day per year. For eleven years we have been asking you to #pressforprogress and we have been doing it too. By creating visibility of all types of professional women, celebrating women at work and reducing bias and stereotypes via our training and coaching as well as editorial articles based on research. It has not been easy work and we thank those of you who have persisted in trying to change the world around us.

So on this day and month we choose to look more broadly at the world to understand the narrow issue of advancing professional women at work. Why? Because we understand that the culture outside the office affects the culture inside the office.

International women’s day is a third world and first world issue as we see from the horror stories from near and far regarding how men’s needs are placed high above the human rights and freedoms of women. From #metoo in the States to tribal honor killings in India and Pakistan, the one consistent element seems to be that men are always given more power than women. And, if the small minority of bad guys chose to wield that power in an evil way (thankfully so many men don’t) the system and the cultural norms in first and third worlds are remarkably similarly weighted against women.

At least we are talking about inequities now in a way that never before have been up for discussion. But, how do we change things? Change is not easy as it requires systems, structures and policies (and their enforcement) to change. Behavior is like a river running its course, it just happens naturally and having to create a new pathway without a reason to do so is possible, but hardly probable without perturbation.

Sometimes we all need to feel uncomfortable in order to change. Nilofer Merchant writes in the HBR blog to Listen more and talk less to change someone’s mind. At first, reading this piece I felt sheer horror that girls were being traded for compensation. I felt my values being challenged on every level and I feel a rejection of the culture being described in the scenario to the point that I wondered why I was still reading it. Then, I read on. Ironically, the story was about listening without giving an opinion, in service of having people get to a change point of view themselves. Having no verbal opinion can be powerful in some cases where cultural norms will squash dissent or people that aren’t straight men.

This concept really stuck with me, not least because change is about exactly those three elements – culture, values and behavior and Warner Burke Professor of Organizational Psychology and Change Leadership always says “You cannot change the culture by changing the culture.”

In the continued work of finding a true level playing field, all of us need to understand how to challenge ourselves before we can challenge others.
The sheer idea of not having an opinion and voicing it is contra to most advice we see and having a voice for yourself and for the voiceless is a strategy that cannot be dismissed. But, isn’t it interesting as a career strategy to let people think its their idea?

If like me, you are fairly ambivalent about this then thats ok too! This is the time to have a voice because 2018 is a turning point for people and specifically women to be heard and believed. At work, there is a range of situations where you still aren’t being heard, from meetings where the guy next to you repeats exactly what you said, to no win conversations where power plays are present. My favorite books on this are by Deborah Kolb and Judith Williams who wrote Everyday Negotiations and by dear friend Carol Frohlinger’s and Lois Frankel’s Nice Girls series.

Have a good month, enjoy the #IWD celebrations!

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Do You Know How to Learn, Think and What You Value?

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Nicki GilmourBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

As a coach and organizational psychologist, I often work with companies and individuals to help people understand that we don’t all take in information the same way.

Some people like to experience a case or task (usually observing or minimally touching -like residents in Greys Anatomy) and others like to understand concepts first in abstract ( also important for say doctor training).

We have to watch our biases and preferences when it comes to designing rewards and promotions as the people who learn by jumping in feet first and learn on the job often start with mixed results which makes sense. This is opposite to those who want to reflectively design but are not seen as doers. There is value to both and there is more value in one person being able to do both (or all four quadrants of the Learning Styles Inventory). The developmental goal is to move around the experiential learning cycle encompassing thinking, feeling, and doing as all learning is relearning. It is not a coincidence that when people get their Myers Briggs reports it often lines up the Extrovert and Introvert with applying action and applying reflection respectively. It does not take an organizational psychologist to tell you that extrovert doers get rewarded and then apply a gender lens and a nationality lens and a ethnicity lens and I think you know where I am going with this. Worth noting even if the course of action is not optimal that the loudest duck, as Laura Liswood calls it, are not the most thought out or intelligent (as we see everyday in corporations and in government).

And then there is the left brain versus right brain discussion, fascinating when applied to gender in what I believe to be entirely faux science. Men are from Mars because social constructs over 10,000 years have created that possibility. There are physiological and hormonal differences between men and women’s brains but that should not be confused with how thinking styles appear at work. I participated in two Columbia University executive cohorts over five years, I have seen 99% and then 100% of men appearing in the right brain column of the brain tool results. Men who work in the Army, financial services, consulting, tech, law and medicine. Cordelia Fine just wrote a great book on the myths around this topic.

Then, there is personality- the power of our intrinsic personality that we are born with and the levers and triggers that are then activated with whatever external environment we are set loose into. Ever seen a person thrive in one company and fail miserable in another? Exactly.

How does this apply? For example, I am just slightly more left brain in my thinking style (measured by Neethling Brain instrument ) and my preferred learning style (measured by Learning Styles Inventory instrument) is to learn by experiencing and doing. Along with high need for mastery and high need for aesthetics and need to be recognized for good work done ( measured by the Hogan instrument ). I know what triggers me on a bad day under stress and I know how I show up to my team and clients in those moments (measured by ESCI and 360s).I know my stress recovery ability via sleep and exercise via wellness reports. I know what works suits me and what bores me and what I can do to manage my energy and balance work with family. This is pretty helpful as if you know this stuff about yourself then putting one foot out the door every morning, you have a shot at the systemic challenges or just the dynamics that happens in every office between humans.

If you would like to work with an executive coach on change, challenges or knowing yourself better, contact nicki@theglasshammer.com

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7 Tips All Businesswomen Need to Conquer the Fear of Public Speaking

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Guest contributed by Fiona CuttsWomen Speaking

Being able to speak confidently and well in public is essential for any ambitious woman looking to advance her position and career prospects. And yet, statistics show that 74% of people are afraid of public speaking and so, unlikely to perform at their best.

Here are some proven strategies for overcoming this fear, and allowing public speaking to be one of your strengths for excelling in your career.

Deal with nerves

You may feel overpowered by these sensations: sweaty palms, sickness in your stomach and even shaking hands, legs, and voice that your audience may notice. These are familiar feelings that even the most successful, powerful businesswomen will experience, and like them, it is something you can learn to combat strategically.

Whilst standing in front of your audience, plant your feet firmly on the ground, quite far apart, and breathe deeply into your abdomen. This allows you to be present and stable.

At the same time expand your awareness outwards so that you are aware of what is going on beyond the audience and the room you are in. Doing this will help to prevent you feeling overwhelmed.

Appear confident

Even though you may feel afraid and nervous, your audience does not need to know that. Choose clothes that a confident woman giving this presentation would wear, even if that feels a bit of a stretch for you. ‘Practise’ wearing these clothes outside of your work environment, whether you’re out with girlfriends or spending time with family, so that you become at ease in them. As you become comfortable wearing them, you become the confident woman you envisaged giving the talk.

Be the leader in the room

Undermining your abilities and shying away from any show of strength is a detrimental stereotype for women that is often hard to navigate. Remember that you are the one who is up front. So, you need to be the authority in the room and not be afraid to take control. Of course, you will be well prepared, that goes without saying. But beyond that, you need to be willing to be an authority on your subject, whilst including and empowering people in the audience.

Great female leaders are clear about what they know, whilst not feeling threatened by other people contributing what they know. Women looking to advance their career should seek advice from female colleagues or friends on ways they were able to take charge and assert their authority while delivering a speech – it’s vital to remember that looking to other women, particularly those in a higher position to that of yourself, for support and guidance can help you on your journey to advancing your career.

Connect with your audience

Often when people are nervous speaking, it is hard for the audience to engage with them, and sometimes even hard for the audience to hear them.

Sometimes, in an effort to avoid this, you can come across ‘pushy’, literally pushing the words and information at the audience. This tends to make the audience resistant and maybe even ‘zone out’.

An effective alternative to this is to ‘pull energy’. Many great female speakers and performers do this naturally. You can imagine a thread of energy coming from your audience, through your audience, through you and to behind you. This helps your audience feel connected to you and drawn into what you are saying. It also tends to mean they feel awake, alert and enthusiastic – which of course is what you would like them to be experiencing during your presentation or speech.

Keep it short and sweet

There is no need to tell your audience everything about your topic. Give them a base level of information, enough that they can understand what you are talking about but also so they are intrigued and wanting to know more. This provides you with an opportunity to shine even more and opens a dialogue between you and your audience, ensuring they are more engaged and interested in what you are talking about.

You can also ask a simple question to allow you to know what information to include and what to leave out: “What can I say that would enthuse this audience?” When you ask this, you start to get pointers as to what is appropriate for your intended audience.

Be you

This may at first sound strange and yet a lot of people stop being themselves when they give a presentation. They may find that they start to sound dry and boring, a bit like a textbook or that they suddenly have some mannerisms and habits of their mother or father.

If you notice this happening, simply ask yourself: “Who am I being?” It will bring you back to you and let the confident woman you know you are, shine.

Don’t be afraid of judgement

If you give a good talk, you are likely to be judged by a certain proportion of people in the room. As women, we’ve certainly experienced judgement, and even been guilty of judging others, at some point or another. Women can also often be judged when they excel in industries dominated by men. Your ability to receive this judgement will determine whether you continue to excel or choose to limit your success to provoke less judgement!

Judgement is always about the other person and never about you. It often means that the other person is not achieving what they desire, and is jealous of you and your great presentation.

So, know that the more successful you are, the more likely you are to be judged. You can even make the choice to view judgement as a motivator to fuel a decision to challenge your position and traditional dynamics in a male-dominated workplace, ask for that raise or promotion you know you deserve, or take charge during meetings and presentations more.

Putting these simple tips into practice will help you tackle the fear that many women assume is an integral part of public speaking, and be the successful businesswoman you desire and deserve to be.

About Fiona Cutts

Fiona Cutts is a communications coach, linguist and facilitator for Right Voice for You, a special program by Access Consciousness. An extremely shy and dreamy child, Fiona found herself drawn to languages and travel from a very young age. As well as her native English, she speaks German and French, and has lived in, or travelled through, countries all over the world. During her career as an accountant and auditor, Fiona struggled with an intense fear of public speaking and presentation delivery. As a Right Voice for You facilitator, she draws upon that experience to help others liberate themselves from fear and judgment, and unleash their confident and authentic voice. www.fionacutts.com

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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How to Trot Not Plod Through the Year of the Dog

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

The Year of the Rooster is over and the Year of the Dog is beginning in the Chinese (lunar) New Year. So, if January did not feel as good as you would have liked it to, or if you are now ready to get what you want, or at least have a good shot at figuring out what that might be, then you are in the right place.

Ask yourself these five questions:

1. How energized am I on the project I am on right now?
2. What is it that made my best time at work so great?
3. What could be changed to make work great?
4. What do I want out of 2018 at work?
5. How can I get it?

It is important to know what is going on with yourself and to know what the external factors are that make you happy at work.

if you would like to work with a coach on exploring questions, answers, dynamics and getting from here to there, then we have a team here that can help.

Contact Nicki (nicki@evolvedpeople.com) for a free 15 minute exploratory call around challenges and pathways.

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Bonus Banked? What’s Next?

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Bonus season is over for another year and so the should I stay or should I go question could loom again for you?

Chances are, if you work in banking and financial services, you stayed put until this payday. But, with a year ahead, its a good time to look at what makes you happy at your job, beyond the money.

If the bonus was good, this can make you stay for a little while longer even if you know you need something different. Money is always a factor, but look at culture, growth opportunities and ultimately the job you want to actually do.

Dream a little, scribble and journal- what do you want more of? What do you want less of? Just what would the ideal job look like for you? What are the other lifestyle based factors that you want to have more of? More travel? Less travel? Less of a commute? Picasso, it is your picture, don’t forget that!

Good luck!

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Black History Month and Your Role in Helping Others

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Black History Month is about celebrating amazing people of color.

For us on theglasshammer.com we celebrate women of color and all types of women all year long but we do recognize that intersectionality is real (simply put, being a woman with another social identity that is “other”, or from the historically non majority group.)

Do a network audit- is there only one type of person in your network? If this cuts along the lines of social identity (gender, ethnicity, LGBT status, class, nationality etc) then make a conscious effort to go to lunch with someone different to you. If you only eat lunch with white women and white men (and you are a white women) then what are you missing? How can you sponsor and advocate women of color on your team? How can you mentor and be mentored by a person of color?

If you are a woman of color reading this column, how can you stay authentic and not assimilate ?

All of these discussions are of course theory and make assumptions that all white women are one way and all women of color are another, which we work very hard on theglasshammer to dispel such stereotypes.

So, go have multiple conversations with people who have had a different journey to you and just listen with an open mind and open heart, because this is how we learn.

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Do More of What You Like Doing at Work (and What You Get Paid For)

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

All jobs have tasks that we prefer over other tasks.

Be honest with yourself, how strategically important are the tasks that you are avoiding? If they rank highly either for your current role or as a development skill, then consider setting time aside formally in your calendar to undertake them on a regular basis as habit can be a great way to embrace them.

What are you recognized and rewarded for?

Are you experiencing task creep?

Have a look (or make a list) of what you do every day for a period of a week to see what is officially within your remit and what creeps in there. It might be illuminating to see how you are paid for driving the train but also at times asked tolay the track, clean the engine etc which is time consuming and often not conducive to your time management or skill set.

Contact nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com is you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work.

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Becoming a High Performer – Stress Recovery and Renewal Matters!

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Latina

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

As ambitious, hard working women, we are often not satisfied about what we have achieved at work.

We often feel insecure about giving less than 150% at work for fear of losing ground. And, the truth is, most of us work in very competitive industries that require us to be present for long hours, to travel and to take on massive amounts of responsibility. Would we have it any other way? My guess is if you are reading the glasshammer.com, you are interested in hearing how to have more of everything and have it right now!

However, research shows that sustainable high performance requires the executive to harness stress adequately with the right amount of pace and rest for stress recovery. Doing what you love means being well enough to do it. You are human. No matter how good the set up is at the office and at home, chances are you are a little stressed and a little exhausted. Throw kids in the mix and downtime to recover disappears further.

It is time to talk about that while growth is important in climbing the ladder and breaking the ceiling, renewal is even more important so that you can continue to high perform, learn and grow.

Staying well physically and mentally is now something more and more companies are paying attention to. Executives who understand their own sustainability are more likely to avoid burnout and have better longevity in their careers.

Stress also affects how you show up as a team member, manager or leader. Behaviorally, when under stress, most of us have shortcomings from being snappy, to avoidance of issues that need to be addressed. When you do not realize the stress, as it becomes normalized, then you equally might accept your less than optimal behaviors as normal too.

We have developed a group coaching program for high performing talent, and “insecure overachievers” that creates awareness of how stress is effecting your performance and ultimately hindering your development as an executive. By understanding your own neuroscience and your actual data you can understand how to make real change for your mental and physical health.

We are running a virtual cohort where people are matched in pods to work on sustainable high performance.

If you are “high performing talent” and likely to make Managing Director in the next 12 months then this group could be for you.

There is a cost for the 5 month program and it includes psychometric tests, individual and group coaching.

Write to nicki@evolvedpeople.com if you are interested in being considered for this cohort or to schedule a call to discuss this program for your company.

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Undervaluing Yourself? Here’s How to Make Sure You Get What You Deserve

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Guest contributed by Karen Schoenbarthappy man with women

Do you routinely undervalue your professional worth? Are you afraid to step up and take on new challenges or ask for a promotion or raise because you aren’t sure you’ve earned them? If so, you are definitely not alone.

“Imposter Syndrome” is a term coined in 1978 by clinical psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes. It refers to high-achieving individuals who can’t internalize their accomplishments and persistently fear being exposed as a fraud. According to a recent study in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, up to 70 percent of people feel this way.

The funny thing about Imposter Syndrome is that sufferers are almost always able to meet the requirements of their job, so their fears are actually unwarranted. Nevertheless, overcoming these fears isn’t easy. Follow these steps to gain confidence that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

  • Don’t compare yourself to others. Set goals for what you want to do and focus on achieving those things.
  • Do an honest evaluation of your strengths and weaknesses. While everyone focuses on fixing the weaknesses, also focus on building up and honing your strengths.
  • Find people who believe in you both personally and professionally and reach out to them for support.
  • When you receive a compliment, don’t negate it or deny it. Simply say, “thank you.”
  • Focus on helping others instead of yourself. As C.S. Lewis said: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.”
  • Talk with people you respect to see if they share similar concerns. Work together to overcome them. Remember, even brilliant and famous people occasionally admit to feeling like frauds. Try to laugh about it.

Nothing Cures Imposter Syndrome Like Hard Proof

An especially critical strategy for overcoming Imposter Syndrome is to track your accomplishments and communicate them to the people who matter. It is not attractive to brag, of course, but sharing your positive results with your boss and other senior executives will encourage them to support and reward you. When this happens, you will naturally feel like less of an imposter.

It helps to be as proactive as possible, so start a file today. If you get an email from a colleague or a client thanking you or complimenting something you’ve done, add it to the file. If you’ve been given specific goals or objectives, keep them handy and work the list—ensuring you are addressing everything on it. If you need help to accomplish a specific goal, ask. For example, if your boss said you need to hone your presentation skills but you haven’t had a chance to present anything, ask if there is an assignment that will afford you the opportunity. It’s fine to reference your objective and the desire to accomplish it.

A few notes of caution. Your file of accomplishments should be long and comprehensive, but beware of overkill when talking to your manager about them – even if you feel Imposter Syndrome getting the best of you. Choose examples from the file that demonstrate your mastery of a specific task or skill. These examples can also be used when meeting with other senior people in your company or a new manager who can benefit from learning what you have been working on.

Careful tracking and strategic communication will ensure that you have an excellent business case to ask for a promotion or raise, and will hopefully assuage your fears. But what if the worst happens? What if you swallow your apprehension, ask, and are denied anyway? How can you keep from undervaluing yourself then? First, make sure you understand the reasons for the decision. Are there softer skills you are missing, such as communicating tactfully or being assertive in meetings? Ask for specific examples of what you need that you are not currently demonstrating. If nothing is missing, inquire about what is holding you back. A lack of positions at the next level is sometimes a legitimate issue, so you may need to be patient.

Don’t Undervalue Your Offerings Either

A corollary to Imposter Syndrome is underestimating the value of your products or services. Here, you should remember that when you provide something that meets a need of your client or customer, you cannot be afraid to be compensated for it. Have pride in your offering, and know exactly how your client or customer’s life or business will improve as a result of having it. Be willing to walk away, but keep in mind that there are times you might want to be more flexible. For example, you might decrease your price in order to protect an important, long-term relationship. A negotiation that ends in a win/win will reduce your self-doubt and keep you from falling victim to Imposter Syndrome in the future.

Adapted with permission of the publisher, Motivational Press, Inc., from MOM.B.A. Essential Business Advice from One Generation to the Next 
by Karyn Schoenbart with Alexandra Levit.  Copyright (c) 2017 by Karyn Schoenbart. All rights reserved. https://www.amazon.com/Mom-B-Essential-Business-Advice-Generation/dp/1628654597

About the author

KARYN SCHOENBART, author of MOM.B.A. is CEO of The NPD Group, a global provider of information and advisory services to many of the world’s leading brands. She has over 30 years of experience in the market research field, with expertise in identifying and developing new business opportunities and client partnerships.

Schoenbart was named one of the Top 25 Most Influential Women of the Mid-Market by the CEO Connection. She is also the recipient of the Long Island Brava Award, which recognizes high-impact female business leaders, and the Legacy Award from Women in Consumer Technology. Schoenbart is passionate about coaching others to greater levels of achievement. She is a resident of Long Island, NY. To learn more, visit: KarynSchoenbart.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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