Emotional labor, although not intended to be a gendered term, has significant implications for female managers. In the workplace, women often find themselves disproportionately burdened with unrecognized tasks, like planning office events, or ensuring Bob from marketing isn’t upset with procedural changes.

It might be even more jarring to feel expected to mask your real personality traits to fit in with the men by being the right kind of female manager, according to the false generalized stereotype of all women being compassionate, as this also is emotional labor to mask.

These efforts are expected from women in the workplace because they are stereotypically seen as more nurturing and empathetic. However, the same expectations aren’t placed on their male counterparts. Let’s find out why — and how you, as a manager who happens to be a woman, can use emotional labor to your benefit.

What Is Emotional Labor in the Workplace?

Emotional labor consists of the intangible, mental hoops people go through to ensure smooth operations and relationship maintenance, and often requires managing your emotions. This can happen in the workplace or, most recently recognized, in the home.

To cater to the needs of others, women often have to mask their own emotions. This can be cumbersome when working in leadership. If a home environment that requires much of the same is added to the mix, it can be even more taxing. Emotional labor in the workplace should be distinguished from simply exhibiting emotional intelligence. Of course, you need a certain level of emotional intelligence, or knowledge of how to manage and interpret emotions, to be successful in the workplace. The labor aspect is where you can find yourself masking your true emotions or experiencing burnout from too much emotional involvement at work.

Emotional labor is often devalued in and outside of the workplace. Productive work, like creating goods and services, is rewarded for its tangible results. However, ideal work environments are also ripe with mental and emotional care.

Surface Acting and Deep Acting

Emotional labor can consist of surface acting and deep acting. Surface acting involves the emotional laborer putting on a fake show of emotions to keep things running smoothly at work and fit in with norms. This is often exhibited by female leaders who are expected to not act “bossy,” “overbearing,” or “too emotional.” Deep acting exists when the laborer tries to, and often successfully does, change their true emotions to match what is expected of them. This way, emotional displays are more characteristic of what they are really feeling and, therefore, less emotionally and mentally draining.

While managing emotional displays is a crucial part of success in the workplace and interpersonal relationships, it can be problematic if taken to the extreme. Women in leadership also find themselves having to manage the emotions of others at work, such as mediating a dispute between colleagues or talking down angry customers. Traditionally, leadership roles don’t include this type of work, as it is delegated to those in lower positions. This sequestering of emotional labor can be traced back to patriarchal structuring.

This still seeps into how women are treated in the workplace, today. However, female leaders can take control of the narrative.

Reclaiming Control Over Emotional Labor

The inherent ability of women to not only enact emotional labor but do it exceedingly well is a desirable trait. Although this need is typically unspoken, many organizations could benefit from an open and honest conversation about how emotional labor is required to make their company tick.

Even if you are reluctant to lead, you may be more suited for a leadership role than you think. It’s within the realm of possibility to teach your team why emotional labor needs to be valued and recognized. You can point out flaws in gendered assumptions, and help higher-ups and colleagues focus on your strengths and achievements. It’s important to also set boundaries around emotional labor so that you aren’t expected to take on every burden. Learn to prioritize yourself and delegate emotion-laden tasks, and your leadership skills will flourish.

There are strategies women can employ to assert themselves effectively without shouldering unnecessary emotional burdens.

• Establish Boundaries: One of the most crucial steps in asserting oneself at work is setting clear boundaries. This means delineating what is and isn’t acceptable in terms of workload, communication, and emotional involvement. Communicate these boundaries assertively but respectfully, ensuring that colleagues understand your limits without feeling personally attacked.
• Communicate Directly: Direct communication is key to assertiveness. Instead of resorting to passive-aggressive behavior or expecting others to infer your needs, express yourself clearly and directly. Whether it’s negotiating for a raise, delegating tasks, or addressing conflict, approach conversations with confidence and clarity.
• Use “I” Statements: When expressing needs or concerns, frame them using “I” statements to assert ownership of your thoughts and feelings. For example, instead of saying, “You always overload me with tasks,” say, “I feel overwhelmed when I’m assigned too many tasks simultaneously.” This approach fosters open communication while avoiding blame and defensiveness.
• Practice Self-Advocacy: Advocating for oneself is an essential aspect of assertiveness. Take credit for your achievements, express your career goals, and actively seek out opportunities for advancement. Don’t wait for recognition to come to you; assertively showcase your skills and contributions.
• Cultivate Assertive Body Language: Nonverbal cues play a significant role in communication. Maintain good posture, make eye contact, and use confident gestures to convey assertiveness. By adopting a poised and assertive demeanor, you can command respect and influence in professional settings.
• Seek Support: Building a support network of allies, mentors, or professional groups can provide invaluable encouragement and guidance. Surround yourself with individuals who value your assertiveness and can offer constructive feedback and perspective when needed.

Resonating With Your Team

Along with your qualifications, your ability to be a present, concerned, clear, and genuine leader is a clear advantage. Educate your team when possible about what it means to be a woman in leadership and how they can support the emotional labor you are doing behind the scenes. Empathetic leadership can foster a more balanced workforce, allowing you to focus on your strengths and advocate for change.

Effective leaders are well-versed in emotion management, which can help you get team buy-in when it matters most. You can use your emotions to share your vision and emphasize the importance of teamwork on the project. A supportive environment will be worth the work once your team starts managing their emotions effectively and working toward a common goal.

Moving Forward

Recognize and advocate for the emotional labor you do as a woman in leadership. Some of your colleagues or higher-ups may be reluctant to accept that this is a large part of how businesses treat female leaders. However, pushing for a more inclusive environment can help women in the workplace everywhere. Plus, you’ll feel better knowing that you don’t have to suffer in silence any longer. You can use your emotional labor skills for good, paving the way for a more equitable and supportive work environment.

By: Indiana Lee is a passionate writer from the Pacific Northwest, specializing in business operations, leadership, and marketing. Connect with her on LinkedIn.

(Guest Contribution: The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).