OpEd: Talking about Harassment in the Workplace

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sexual harassment

Guest contributed by Stacey Engle

Women empowerment movements have been a prevalent force over the past year, from #metoo to #timesup.

The individual and collective impact of these movements has varied, as have the conversations we have had surrounding these topics – both at work, and at home.

At Fierce Conversations, we wanted to get a sense of how recent social movements have impacted the workplace, if at all. We asked more than 1,000 full and part-time employed individuals in the U.S. questions about current social movements, along with how their personal outlook has shifted over the past year.

Fifty-seven percent of those surveyed have discussed gender equality (including the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements), yet most of these conversations are occurring with friends and family, not within the workplace:

  • 44% have discussed with friends
  • 40% with family
  • 25% with colleagues
  • 8% with boss/supervisor
  • 3% with company leaders

While we weren’t surprised to see that the topic came up more with those we feel closest to outside the office, these low numbers within the workplace signal a clear disconnect between issues that matter and affect our lives, and the amount of recognition these issues are receiving in our places of work.

And these numbers only increase when we look at gender and age. More women than men (58% vs 47%) have had conversations about gender equality; 49% of women have discussed the topic with their friends, while just 37% of men say the same.

Younger Americans are also talking about these issues at much higher rates. More than two-thirds of those 18-29 have had a conversation about these movements; just 53% of those 60+ say the same.

Given the reality that older men make up the majority of CEOs and company leaders today, these numbers are concerning. These social issues may not be top of mind for these leaders, but it’s imperative that they recognize their employees are discussing these matters outside of work, and respond accordingly by addressing them within their organizations. It is imperative for women in leadership roles, even those not at the very top, to ensure these are topics aren’t brushed under the rug.

The good news is that, despite these conversations not taking place in droves at work, these movements appear to be making an impact in how empowered individuals feel today than they did a year ago.

Almost half (48 percent) of those surveyed said they are more likely to stick up for themselves than they were a year ago, and another 40 percent are more likely to stand up for a colleague. Thirty percent are more likely to address a colleague directly for inappropriate behavior, such as a racist joke or unwelcome flirting, than they were a year ago.

This data varies by gender; 55 percent of women are more likely to stick up for themselves than they were a year ago; just 36 percent of men say the same. Forty-two percent of women are more likely to stand up for a colleague; just 34 percent of men say the same.

There is very cleary a more significant shift here with women in their comfort level in speaking up, and we believe with the right conversation skills, these numbers can be even greater.

Conversations around equality are necessary, and every employee should feel comfortable discussing these issues, especially if they have experienced or witnessed any type of discrimination. Not feeling comfortable enough to speak up is the reason we have seen systemic issues at many organizations over the past year.

A barrier that many struggle with, however, is how to come up with an organizational perspective on these issues, if they don’t truly understanding the specific issues their company is facing. Here are some tips we recommend to move in the right direction:

  • Ask your employees the right questions. Many team meetings and one-on-ones are focused on the work at hand and don’t venture into larger, equally important topics. Change that. Ask your employees how they feel about the diversity of the organization, raise any issues you have seen and talk about them directly. Putting issues out in the open leads to others feeling safer to bring up concerns.
  • Encourage your employees to stand up for themselves. The results of our survey show some great progress in more individuals addressing issues in head on, which in many cases can lead to issues being addressed before they get out of hand. When issues are addressed early and often, everyone benefits.
  • Be accessible. The survey found that while only 30% are more likely to address a colleague for inappropriate behavior directly–this includes behaviors such as racist jokes, unwelcome flirting, etc.–just 20% are more likely to address said behavior with a supervisor. It’s important for employees to be able to confront their colleagues directly, but if the issue is not resolved, they need to feel comfortable bringing up the issue to their supervisor. Knowing your employees can and do share with you any issue they have is the best and most efficient way to ensure you can address any larger trends that arise.
  • Ensure you, and your employees, have the tools to have tough conversations. You, and all of your employees, must have the skills to bring up hard issues and address them head on. Avoiding, ignoring or brushing small issues under the rug will only lead to larger, more detrimental problems down the line. Given the right tools, confrontation can be a great learning opportunity for everyone involved.

At the end of the day, conversations about gender equality are necessary and need to happen to ensure your organization is addressing any and all issues as they arise, and that your employees feel safe and encouraged to come forward if necessary.

Stacey Engle believes meeting the needs of clients start with truly understanding the challenges they face. As a result, she is always connected—to clients, the latest trends, and the newest opportunities.

Stacey is a passionate self-starter with over ten years’ experience helping to build businesses through smart go-to market and innovative people strategies. As executive vice president sales and marketing at Fierce Conversations, Stacey leads the marketing and sales strategies, along with branding efforts for the company. Over the past 7 years, Stacey has been key a driver in Fierce’s double digit growth, landing the company consistently on the Inc.5000 list as well as receiving consecutive Best Places to Work and design awards.

Stacey is very passionate about community work, serving on boards and offering pro-bono work with the University of Washington, various arts organizations, and community initiatives. She was recently awarded the Outstanding Alumni Mentor Award from the University of Washington with her work in founding a professional development board that connects students with transformational experiences from workshops to global opportunities.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily those of the glasshammer.com

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The 3 Best Ways Busy Professionals Can Reduce Stress and Start Thriving

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women stressed

Guest Contributed by Julie Morris

Ask busy professional women about what she most desires, and a lot will wish to reduce stress.

If you feel like you’re living on the proverbial hamster wheel, it’s time to make small changes to your day to reduce stress and save your sanity. Our tips will help you thrive instead of just get by.

1. Multitask in your personal life

Busy professionals are the rock stars of multitasking. But, multitasking for work is very different from multitasking for yourself. In fact, multitasking may be the wrong word to use. According to Entrepreneur, your brain time-shares rather than multitasks since it is only able to focus on a single task at a time. You must learn how to divvy up your time equally and effectively among tasks. How is this accomplished? Create a to-do list categorized into similar tasks so that your brain doesn’t have to totally change gears. Be sure to always keep your list visible so that you don’t feel that rush of accomplishment, only to realize you have more to do. If you start feeling overwhelmed, remember it’s okay to take a step back and get re-focused. In the future, saying “no” is an option too to avoid getting burnt out.

2. Use Your Lunch Hour to Reduce Stress and Refocus

Unfortunately, Americans take only a portion of their lunch break to eat, or they skip lunch altogether. According to the New York Post, one survey found that 50 percent of workers take 30 minutes or fewer on their lunch hour and that 29 percent work through lunch. Some of the best ways to reclaim your lunchtime include leaving the office to have lunch with a friend or exercising outside with a co-worker or friend. To maximize the benefits of getting out of the office, meet a friend outside to eat for 30 minutes and spend the other 30 minutes walking, meditating, or doing yoga. Physical activity gives you the true breaks you need from work to get refreshed and boost your brain function and mood to help you be more productive and have less stress.

3. Prioritize Tasks

Implementing time management practices is another excellent way to reduce stress on a daily basis. For example, create a checklist for work and home. Arming yourself with a checklist helps you focus and reduces the amount of time you waste on email and social media or chatting with co-workers. Be sure to organize your checklist from most to least pressing tasks and consider allotting yourself enough time for each one. By prioritizing, you will not only feel less stressed, but may find that you are better able to concentrate because you’ll know you’re giving your attention to the most important task on your to do list.

If you’re a visual person, put the checklist on your laptop or tablet or on your desk so you can mark off completed tasks, feel a sense of accomplishment, and know where you stand with your day. If you prefer to use technology, create a note or list on your smartphone; or download one of the many checklist apps.

Stress levels also climb when you feel like you have to do everything right now. One tip is to follow the two-minute and 10-minute rule, as described by Kyle Brost. If you have a task that will take fewer than two minutes, do it immediately so that you don’t face the stress of having too many incomplete tasks. However, if you have a task that requires more time, use the 10-minute rule. Commit to working on the task for 10 minutes. When the time is up, permit yourself to stop and move on to something else to keep chipping away at your to-do list.

High levels of stress prevent you from being productive and thriving. Do yourself a favor and multitask for yourself. Then, use your lunch hour to refocus and reduce stress. It’s also helpful to prioritize tasks and manage your time wisely.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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5 Things You Can Do as a Leader to Help Increase Engagement In Company Initiatives

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Latina
This week we invited a guest to contribute to the career tip column.

Fierce Conversations wrote a recent blog post on how leaders engage with it comes to organizational initiatives.

  1. Get on board, even if you’re not the driver. Just because you aren’t driving an idea or initiative, or didn’t come up with it to begin with, doesn’t mean the team and the entire organization doesn’t need you to get behind it. The sooner you can play the role of supporter-in-chief, the faster things will start to change and the larger impact you will see.
  2. Set expectations, and meet them. If you say you will be an advocate for a program, or that you expect an initiative to succeed, you need to show up for it. Trust is key here, as too many promises broken can lead your employees to simply stop making an effort.
  3. Model the behavior. Leaders need to be modeling the behavior they want to see. As there is a clear correlation between C-suite behavior and the model behavior they wanted exhibited. If you want all meetings to start on time, make sure you are never late. If you want people to work across teams, make sure they see you doing the same.
  4. Engage on a personal level. Through one-on-one conversations, either planned or organic, interact and engage regularly with employees and other company leaders. Create opportunities, such as social events or a weekly office walkthroughs, to support this endeavor, and ask about activities taking place. Use this feedback to improve upon the process.
  5. Follow-through. An initial email isn’t enough to support something. Ensure you continue to have conversations that advocate for a program, and that the leaders around you do the same. These conversations need to be ongoing, and fluid. Consider having a specific check-in point where you communicate widely the feedback and results to-date. Make changes as necessary.
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Career Tips from a Senior Female Executive in Commercial Real Estate

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Image via Shutterstock

Guest contributed by Lauren Leach

For women considering a career in commercial real estate, consider restructuring as the opportunities are vast and varied and sure to offer challenges and fulfillment.

This is a field with a surprising shortage of women. I have always viewed being a woman as an advantage. It means you are more likely to get noticed in a professional situation. As such, it is imperative you are prepared and have the skill set and knowledge to communicate and execute effectively once you are noticed.

It was a circuitous route that brought me to my career. A summer internship changed the professional trajectory of my life. I was working on my psychology degree at the University of Michigan when a family friend suggested I explore real estate. Intrigued, that summer I secured an internship at a prestigious global commercial real estate brokerage and began building the foundation for my career

I found the commercial real estate industry so compelling in large part because of the high-risk, high-reward nature of the business, which has a variety of subsets that allow me to constantly expand and hone new skills. Real estate, unlike some other asset classes in a commercial portfolio, provides a platform to truly measure value and witness tangible progress in the form of brick and mortar. In today’s tumultuous environment, my skillsets and experience in this area are in great demand.

Now, I specialize in restructuring distressed commercial real estate properties. My focus changed to distressed real estate from the brokerage side of the business to embrace new challenges. Working as a broker during the Great Recession provided a fierce and up close look at the volatility of the commercial real estate market. That volatility has perhaps never been more evident than in recent years.

As I’ve ascended in my career, I have learned a lot and offer the following tips for young professionals entering the industry:

  • As you begin your career, choose your employer carefully. Get to know your potential boss as much as possible as well as the culture of the organization. When you consider a new position, keep in mind that you are interviewing the prospective employer as much as they are interviewing you. If possible, spend time with your potential peers in advance of accepting a job offer. A stable and supportive work environment is critical to success.
  • Real estate, like any industry, is about relationships. Don’t be afraid to ask professionals in your network for introductions. Be willing to take the time to network and get actively involved with industry organizations.
  • Write handwritten thank you notes! I am consistently surprised by how infrequently people make time to acknowledge others in writing. The receiver will appreciate the effort and remember your name.
  • Follow up and follow through on all things. The old adage ‘reputation is everything’ is partly true. Reputations are ultimately built by doing what you say you’re going to do and doing it exceptionally well.
  • Treat associates with respect. Early in my career I was elevated to a management role, leading a team of professionals, many of whom were older than me and some who had more experience in the industry. I found success by focusing on working collaboratively, valuing each team member’s experience and always leading with respect.
  • It’s an often-recited adage in business: match your attire to the job you want, not the one you have. Dress as if you are going to cross paths with the CEO or a key client everyday. At the same time, follow the office trends. If you work in a casual environment, do not overdress and potentially alienate yourself from the rest of the team.

I have also been fortunate in that I have not personally experienced sexual harassment or similar inappropriateness in the workplace. Culture is set at the top. Again, do your research as you make decisions related to what organizations you want to work for. If you do experience harassment or intimidation in any form, documentation and discussion with HR is essential. If it is happening to you, most likely it is happening to others too.

About Lauren Leach

Lauren Leach, Director, Conway MacKenzie has negotiated over 8,000,000 square feet of leases with a value in excess of $410,000,000. She also specializes in court-appointed receiverships, leasing matters, portfolio valuations and liquidations, and complex real estate negotiations. Lauren holds a B.A. in psychology and Master’s degree in retail brokerage from the University of Michigan. She resides in Metro Detroit with her husband, daughter and dog.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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5 Tips to Increasing your Empathy as a Leadership Strategy

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

I used to have zero empathy, lots of honest concern for the person in their situation, but zero empathy (and I have the psychometric tests to prove it).

I could not understand why people could not do better, get over it and get on with it. I was judging them against my paradigms built as a child growing up in a terrorist state with an emotionally unavailable parent and a right wing culture telling me I had to be tough to survive( Northern Ireland in the 1980s under Thatcher). My frameworks and values were in play exclusively, not the other person’s frameworks. It was frustrating for me and I am pretty sure it was not a pleasant experience for people I managed and had in my life. Empathy is a leadership skill, because without it you cannot understand what people are feeling which dictates everything from how they perform to how they show up at work attitudinally and to how authentic they are with you.

This is key if you want to get past the golden rule of ‘treat others of treat people how you want to be treated’ and evolve to the platinum rule of “treat others how they want to be treated.”

So, I built, brick by brick and I internalized it and like any muscle flexed it until it became integral to my nature. You can do this also!

Here are 4 quick tips to get started:

1. Ask open questions that allow people to tell you about themselves and their situations in a way that gives them space to do it their way. Don’t interrogate people as building trust comes before, during and after these types of interactions.

2. Understand the difference between empathy and sympathy. Sympathy is when you feel an emotion for their situation ( such as sorrow and there is distance between you and them emotionally). Empathy is when their emotion is something that you feel with them as it pertains to your own ability to map it internally to your own experiences.

3. Do not limit other people’s emotions to your own range or to your own experiences. Frankly, you might not have the biggest range in the world. And if are very subjective in your ability to interpret events and can only do it through your lens ( see Kegan and Lahey again on the socialized mind in Immunity to Change) then I have found in people who have low EQ but lots of empathy that the person who is seeking to be understood by you on a topic can feel frustrated by the way that you are very keen to share what happened to you as part of the meaning- making and it can drown out the original person. Or that the subjectivity factor completely limits the process, putting the process in or near the concern quadrant if this was a map.

4. Recap and name the emotions you hear as a question not as a statement. In my opinion this is very tied to points 1 and 2 and 3.

5. Use the “magic if” to walk in the other person’s shoes. For example: “If my dad had a stroke this week, would i be able to finish project x today?’.

Practice makes perfect! And imperfection is ok too, your efforts will be appreciated, I am sure.

If you would like to develop your leadership skillst, I would be happy to work with you as your executive coach. Contact me on 646 6882318 or nicki@theglasshammer.com for an exploratory chat

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Why Gender Equality is Good for Men | Part One

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gender pay gap

Guest contributed by Lisa Levey

Gender equality is one of those loaded topics that can bring conversation to a halt.

Women’s empowerment has been portrayed as a link to all that men have lost, whether its perceived loss of professional opportunities or loss of the privilege of not having to deal with housework or childcare. There is a fear that expectation of females being subordinate dissipates with equality, which is an outdated expectation to have in modern society to start with but surprisingly present still for some families.

Women’s rising power has left many men seething and many more with a gnawing fear that gains for women mean losses for men. The incredible irony is: the culprit is not gender equality but misguided thinking about masculinity which is shared by both genders and that exacts such a high toll on men.

Read on to discover why based on research, rather than hyperbole, gender equality is a gift for men that keeps on giving.

Gender equality benefits men’s physical health

Gender is highly linked with health risks and outcomes and men continually draw the short stick. But men’s health challenges are substantially driven by their own attitudes and behaviors [which they can change.]

Men who espouse more traditional beliefs about gender make less healthy choices. They drink more alcohol, smoke more, and are more likely to take drugs as well as paying less attention to eating healthily or getting enough sleep. They’re less likely to seek medical care for preventive reasons or to follow their physician’s instructions when they do seek care. Real men don’t seem to think they need to cut their portion sizes as they age, limit how much beer they drink, or spend precious time going to the doctor but they make these decisions at their own peril.

Gender equality benefits men’s marital satisfaction

Alongside women’s influx into the workforce over the last half-century, there’s been a shift in how men experience marriage. Marriages became more unstable – at first – as women began evolving from a more subordinate to a more egalitarian role. In the 1980’s the divorce rate among couples where the woman was more highly educated exceeded that for couples where this was not the case. Yet through time there has been a profound shift. Beginning in the 1990’s, women’s higher educational attainment no longer predicted elevated divorce rates and the marital stability of educational equals rose.

A professor at Brigham Young University studied the division of labor for married couples and those living together across 31 countries. She found couples with a more shared approach to caring for their children and homes were happier in their relationships than couples with a more specialized approach.

Based on my research with parents who sought to proactively share the load at home, both men and women described the power of walking in each other’s shoes and having each other’s backs. They saw themselves on the same team, spending their precious energy on navigating the challenges of equality in a still highly-gendered world, rather than on arguing with each other.
Across the U.S., states with a higher percent of couples in traditional marriages report escalated divorce rates compared to states with a higher percent of dual earner families. Data indicates changing gender norms and family values go hand in hand.

Gender equality benefits men’s relationships with their children

Society has been terribly unfair to men by invalidating the importance of their parenting role. This messaging has no doubt seeped into men’s thinking and worldview. Ironically, both men who live paycheck-to-paycheck and men with incredible wealth similarly perceive prioritizing time away from work to bond with a new child as a luxury rather than a necessity.

Yet if fathers knew how vitally important they were to their children’s lives, they might make different choices. When fathers are involved early and often, their children benefit in critical ways. Positive father involvement from the outset translates into better academic outcomes, more favorable social behavior, fewer discipline issues and greater happiness. The effects of fathering – both good and bad – stay with children far beyond their youth, manifesting during their adult lives via career success and the ability to manage stress, among other ways.

Based on the inaugural 2015 State of the World’s Fathers study, infants attach to both of their parents from the outset if both are actively involved with their care. Paternal engagement is a protective factor for kids who are close to their dads with children being half as likely to suffer from depression during their youth. In other research, fathers who assume a more egalitarian partnership at home raise daughters who are more ambitious.

Not only do fathers influence daughters but daughters influence fathers. A study highlighted in the Harvard Business Review reports men with daughters run more socially responsible companies, particularly with regard to diversity. Men should hope to work for a company where the male CEO has a first born daughter because if he does, he’ll see more money in his paycheck than if the first born is a son.

Gender equality gives men more flexibility and freedom

Men have been saddled with the primary breadwinning role for too long. And while the bias toward men as primary providers persists, a Pew study suggests there may be change afoot. While more than 70% of women and men reported it was very important for a man to be a good provider, women identified their breadwinning responsibility – and that of other women – as far more important than men.

It’s understandable why many men struggle with not being the primary provider, a role for which they have long felt acute responsibility and received social and financial reward. Yet many men fail to see how their partner’s earning capacity provides not only far greater security for the family but also far more flexibility for them. With a financial teammate, men can more easily contemplate starting a business, leaving a bad employer, or push for a promotion. Gender equality helps men to not feel stuck and without options.

Multiple research studies document that men in more egalitarian relationships report lower levels of work-life stress. What may seem counterintuitive for men is that devoting more time to their lives outside of work actually minimizes their work-life stress. The same has not been found to be true for women so really isn’t it time for men to see and talk about the benefits of getting on board with gender equality.

Tune in next week for the second installment of why gender equality is good for men.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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What you Need to Know About the Glass Ceiling (Before your Head Hits it!)

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broken-glass ceiling

Guest contributed by Ella Patenall

If I asked someone on the street to name 3 male CEO’s they’ve heard of, they probably wouldn’t struggle to answer. Ask them for 3 women and they might falter.

We have seen an increase in women securing senior management roles. However, statistics continue to show that these roles are disproportionately held by their male counterparts, with women holding just 20% of senior management roles. Just 6.4% of CEOs of Fortune 500 companies are women. Furthermore, it has been predicted that it will take 100 years for women and men to be level in management roles.

This is in-part due to the glass ceiling. The glass ceiling refers to the invisible barrier women may face in their working life. It’s the theory that a woman can work her way through a company with a promotion in sight yet is blocked from senior roles, no matter how qualified she may be. Coined in 1978, this theory, sadly, still holds true.

So, are men better at business?

Research on many top UK and US companies has demonstrated otherwise.

Companies with a female CEO on average had better return on capital than those with no women on executive committees.

Women CEOs in the Fortune 1000 Drive three times the returns as S&P enterprises run by men.

According to research conducted by University of California Berkeley, companies who value gender diversity in their organisations see a boost to their bottom line.

A study found that girls outperformed boys in a collaborative problem solving. The study was repeated in numerous countries and the same results were recorded. This collaboration is important within a business environment where many teams exist and are required to work together on shared goals.

Additionally, in developed nations, women outperform men in education across the board.

In the US, men, no matter what their ethnicity or socio-economic group, are less likely to achieve a bachelor’s degree at college. In fact, 40 years ago, men made up 58% of college places and today this has reversed.

In the UK, this situation is mirrored, with campaigns such as ‘take our son to university day’ cropping up to increase the number of boys in higher education.

It would seem than women’s higher academic achievement would have predicted more women ending up in the highest business positions.

How can the glass ceiling be shattered?

Although it will take many decades before gender roles are eliminated and attitudes change completely towards women in the workplace. Sadly, for now, women must work harder than men to achieve the same success. Here are a few steps you could take to reach full potential in your career.

Don’t undervalue yourself

Studies have highlighted that women tend to undervalue themselves. A way this manifest is not asking for a pay rise, or a promotion when it’s deserved due to fear of losing a job and being perceived as ‘pushy’ – a trait more comfortably accepted in men. This is great news for our CEO’s who are saving money due to our unwillingness to request a pay rise!

Don’t settle for lower than you deserve due to a lack of confidence. If you feel you really deserve a pay rise or promotion after your hard work and service, speak to your manager and let them know how you feel. It’s important not to remain trapped in a role when you deserve better.

This undervaluing is problematic before even being in a role. Research has shown that women apply for a job role if they meet 100% of the requirements, whereas men will apply with just 60%! Don’t let not meeting all the criteria put you off. An employer doesn’t usually expect someone to meet everything and might be impressed by the experience and credentials you already possess and see great potential in you.

Networking and collaborate

A large part of building success is learning from others and building relationships. Attending network events is a great way to meet likeminded business people. There is a plethora of business events aimed at women, which aid by increasing confidence and self-esteem, connecting with mentors and forging business partnerships and friendships.

Embracing fear and failure

Stereotypes that women don’t take risks continue to prevail. Taking risk is essential in business and women who have made it to the top have not done so without an element of risk and some failure along the way.
Remember that failure is a part of succeeding. Acknowledging and accepting failures can make you a stronger and more successful businesswoman. Failure teaches us our best lessons and can be a source of motivation.

Ella Patenall writes for Inspiring Interns, which specializes in sourcing candidates for internships and graduate jobs.

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Maintaining Credibility: How to Deal with People Who Try to Devalue You

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By Nicki Gilmour Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

What happens when someone tries to discredit your work or disqualify you as a contender for a job?

Not just in politics, but in the workplace too. It is hard to believe that we still have to talk about this matter, but its still lurking. Whether it is overt sexism, a micro-aggression or even worse, the impact on the person on the receiving end is real. In the societal context, women ( and other minorities) are not believed and the benefit of the doubt usually goes to the perpetrator due to their status and biological sex/race/orientation (i.e. legacy dominant position that people do not like to challenge their implicit authority). In a work context, it means less pay, lost promotions and general unnecessary emotional stress. This is the stuff that causes a drag on individual/ team and firm performance and no amount of words about diversity from the CEO or drinks in the women’s network will fix the heart of what diversity work is; power and who gets it to have it , keep it and be believed.

Often people with issues (this is the kindest version I can print) will try to discredit you as a person and they start with your social identity, which means your grouping characteristics such as which gender you are, which ethnicity you are, and which orientation you are. Even if you personally don’t feel massive affiliation to these categories because it can be a shock to people with no intersectionality that you too could be just trying to live your life as a human and do your work without considering yourself (insert what you are here: a woman/black/gay etc).

Remember, it is often about you according to them and their stereotypical notions of who you are and absolutely nothing to do with who you actually are and what you are actually capable of. Equally, the people who i am referring to who feel like they are a threatened species, often benefit from their sex, skin color via positive stereotyping ( someone once said, its not a glass ceiling, but a thick layer of men). It is worth noting that anyone can do it even if they are a woman themselves because internalized misogyny and desire to protect traditional power structures have never been so obvious than this moment in history. But, whatever other people’s paradigms are, remedial attitudes or baggage, it should not have to be at your expense.

Why is this career advice? It is something that you need to be aware of because unfortunately one day you might stumble up against a less than evolved individual who will directly or indirectly try to lessen your credibility or devalue your work based on nothing more than your social identity.

How this plays out is that they take a shot at you based on their perception of their superiority and appropriateness regarding legacy positions for women, people of color and LGBT people. For example, at a recent social gathering, a fellow who had previously said offhand comments about women at work and LGBT people, decided to directly spit out a challenge starting the question with “who?” when the who was very obvious so it was not actually a question, it was a micro-aggression against a gay family structure.

Furthermore, bias is regularly disguised as ‘values’ because if you look at how values are formed, it is easy to see that constructs come from past norms, socio-conditioning and current cultural messaging. What did their granny tell them when they were nine? Chances are, they are operating heavily on familiar programming completely unaware that they have inherited things that they might not even truly believe if examined.

So, what do you do if you find yourself facing a person who is intentionally trying to devalue you.

There are strategies to pursue and which road to take depends on three things:

1. The overall systemic environment.

Where is the whole group at regarding their own ability to honestly digest how individual behaviors impact ongoing norms and actual humans in the group? The denial levels for untoward behavior in the workplace or socially are reducing as we have seen this year with sexual harassment. But, overall the ability to deny wrongdoing on micro-aggressions are still high. Look at how tolerant of bad behavior is the manager of your team? What flies? What are the group norms?

This is workplace culture and crucial to your next move when bringing up what happened. Will you be believed? The worst thing is not being believed or being told your experience couldn’t be true or is somehow invalid. Will you be shushed as excuses from you are wrong /you misunderstood them fly from people who are supposed to listen to such things? (HR , leaders, mentors, friends). Take the temperature as your truth is your truth, but group theory (Bion) suggests the group will protect the legacy structures, unless there are reasons not to.

2. The standing of the individual and their power based on them as an individual but also the power and authority assigned to them due to their social identity which adds benefit of the doubt privilege. Extreme cases are Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby- they thought they were untouchable due to the social currency. But, everyday bias and derogatory stuff is what we are talking about here, so relay the transgression to people who have mental complexity and can hold two conflicting realities in their head at the same time. That is to say, they can experience that this guy is great with them but bad to you as simultaneously true versions of reality and use their one subjective personal data point as an objective truth.

If no mental complexity is there ( as defined by Kegan, the Harvard development psychologist by the way, not just being rude here in saying they are not advanced), you will risk the high denial element again as these folks might have high IQ and make lots of money but are completely remedial on EQ, SQ and connecting the dots and you might as well be arguing with a small child.

This can be a depressing piece of work as there are many people who are capable but just have never had to do any real joining of cognitive, emotional and psychological processes because they can just stay in their ignorance as they have had no direct experience of what it means to be in the non dominant group and intersectionality doesn’t touch them. Also congruence is comfortable for everyone so its not their fault how they got there but it is their responsibility to figure out how to develop knowing that the world is full of many different types of people who historically didn’t have any power – see Kegan and Lahey again on the socialized mind in Immunity to Change. There are still so many men and women who cant help but protect the status quo for so many reasons. If you want to see this in action, participate in a contained social experiment- go to an AK Rice Group Relations conference on Power and Authority!

3. The third factor is your personality? Are you a confronter or a keep the peace person? You need to know your own comfort zones and abilities and what you are going to be able to take emotionally as revealing bad people can take strength, energy and there are stakes at play sometimes ( the bully/bigot knows that the stakes are low or them and high for you).

So, once you know the above, you can work out what the best course of action is. Sometimes it is about doing something and sometimes is it is not.

For extra reading, I recommend Leaders Guide to Leveraging Diversity Capabilities or leave this book on your boss’s desk to prime the pump for people who want to make things better so you build a cultural coalition of people who know how to deal with everyday problem children at work. I quote Maya Angelou in high regard, because “when you know better, you do better.”

If you are dealing with difficult people or a culture that has systemic diversity issues in it, I would be happy to work with you as your executive coach. Contact me on 646 6882318 or nicki@theglasshammer.com for an exploratory chat.

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Transitioning into Life as a Working New Mother

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Guest contributed by Sydney Miller

Over the past decade, we have seen a significant increase in the number of working mothers.

Mothers are the primary money earners in 40% of households with children under 18 today, compared to 11% in 1960. Choosing to be a full-time working mother isn’t always an easy decision to make, but it’s often a necessary decision. With the cost of living on the rise, it’s important for families to plan for their best financial future. This is especially true for single mothers.

Recently, we’ve seen great strides made towards better maternity and paternity leaves globally. This allows more parents the ability to take the necessary time off postpartum. It’s crucial for new mothers to have time to bond with her newborn and recover. When this leave is over, it’s time for her to return to work. This transition can be very hard. She’ll need time to cope with the emotions of returning and getting her head back into the work mode.

Are you or someone you know a new mother who is planning to return to the office soon? If so, follow our tips for getting back into your comfort zone at work.

Talk to Your HR Department

When you have a confirmed date in mind for returning to work, ask to set up a meeting with your HR department. You’ll want to work out all the details and paperwork with them ahead of time. Ask them all your top of mind questions now so you’re prepared. They’ve most likely been through this before. Ask if your company allows for flexible hours or telecommuting. Also, ask them if they have a private room available to you for breastfeeding needs. They may also have benefits set up for new parents, so be sure to go over all the details with them.

Sit Down With Your Team

During your maternity leave, appoint a contact for yourself in your office. The two of you can remain in communication during your time off. They’ll be able to fill you in on any important news and projects that you’ll want to be aware of. Going back to work prepared shows your commitment to the job and your flexibility.

A week or two before you go back, arrange a meeting with this coworker and/or your supervisor. Grab a cup of coffee out or come into the office. At this meeting, you’ll want to sort out the details of your work when your back and what their expectations are for you. If there are any limitations to your return, make them aware of them at this meeting. For example, if there’s a day of the week you are unable to work or any physical limitations you may have.

Look and Feel Your Best

The best way you’ll be able to acclimate to your new life as a working mother is by being confident in yourself. It’s important for new mothers to take care of themselves. Even the simple idea of having time for a long shower goes out the window when a new baby arrives. Although, you must look and feel your best to be your best. This is true both at home and at work. Show your employer your commitment to your job by being the best version of you.

Do your professional clothes still fit you well? If not, shop for a few pieces that you’ll be able to make many outfits out of instead of spending more than you need to. If you’re breastfeeding, you’ll want to invest in a versatile nursing bra that works with your work outfits. You should feel comfortable in what you wear but also professional. Treat yourself to a new haircut or take a long bath the week before. You deserve to rest before your life becomes hectic again.

Plan and Organize

Organization will be helpful to you during this busy time. At the top of your to-do list, should be arranging for childcare. Pick a center or nanny that you trust. Do a practice run getting into the routine of taking your newborn to where they will cared for. Then head to your office. Time the whole process. This way you’ll know what to expect come the first day. You should also have a backup plan in case. If you’re stuck at work one night or your child is sick, who can pick them up? Find an emergency contact to fulfill this duty and be available if they cannot reach you.

Put everything down on a calendar. Whether it’s pickup schedules, working hours, or important events. You’ll want to be on the same page as your significant other. If you find there is overlap in schedules, this will be a great way to plan this out.

Find Your Support Team

You’re most likely aiming to be supermom, right? You want to spend as much time with baby as possible of course. But you also want to succeed at work all day, be a great friend/wife and then come home to cook and clean everything. However, this isn’t always realistic. There are so many hours in the day and you’re only one person. Take a deep breath. No mom or employee is perfect.

Find a support group that can help you through the difficult times. If there are other moms at your office that have small children, start a support group. They’ll be able to give you advice for acclimating back into work life because they’ve been there. These are the people who understand best what you’re going through. Set up playdates or much need girls nights.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Your family, friends, significant other, and supervisor will all be there for you. If you need a day off, ask for it. If you need a sitter to go to the store by yourself for once, ask for it. Never feel alone in this process, someone will be by your side to help.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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What to Do When the Goal Posts Move at Work

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Recently, Fast Company published an article on unclear goals and what to do with the boss’s instructions are lacking or confusing.

As a coach, organizational psychologist, there is a piece of advice I offer everyday to my clients and it is something my own mentor told me many years ago. What is this sage wisdom? Never take a job where your responsibilities and your authority to execute (resources, power, ability) don’t align. Literally, do not accept the role of protecting the free world, if you can have the big red button to press if you need it. This analogy feels much more edgy these days than when I used to say it, which in itself is a reflective moment on whether we need a new analogy. Words matter!

So, say you take a job that you thought you were given the ability to execute on but it turns out that other people hold the resource, or the tools or the actual sign off? What do you do? You are already in the seat and the goal posts feel like they are a moving target!

It is key to explore your options and understand their potential future payoffs and consequences.

This is where good coaches can really help you.

I look forward to hearing from you since matrix organizations, company dysfunction etc means this is often much more common than we would like to believe.

Book an exploratory coaching call with Nicki here: https://calendly.com/nickigilmour/evolved-people-exploratory

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