Feminine-Inclusive Leadership Is Earning Global Respect

feminine-inclusive leadership

Feminine-inclusive leadership is a management style for which women leaders are earning global respect. This is a moment on the world stage where the importance of feminine values in leadership are drawing attention.

Beyond the headlines pinning female leaders versus male leaders, the real question is what do we value in leadership? The world might be waking up to the truth that ‘feminine’ traits are essential to human leadership.

Female Leaders In the Spotlight for Effective Crisis Management

Depending on the media source, it’s a tempting headline, but also simplifying and sweeping conclusion, that women political leaders have handled COVID-19 better than male leaders have. Regardless of whether ‘better’ is verifiable, the effectiveness of women leaders in several countries is garnering respect on the world stage.

From German Chancellor Angela Merkel, to New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, to Finland Prime Minister Sanna Marin, to Taiwan President Tsai Ing-wen, women leaders have been acknowledged for their success in navigating their country through the pandemic response while limiting multi-level damage.

Merkel’s government took into account a variety of diverse information sources when developing its approach, which has correlated with drastically lower fatality rates in Germany versus other Western European countries. Ardern’s caring, empathetic, cautious and rational approach in New Zealand has flown in the face of male swagger, including her rawness of addressing the country directly from her home and in her domestic context as a mother.

It’s speculated in the New York Times that a female leader may indicate these countries generally have more inclusive (feminine) values and diverse representation, including presence of women, throughout the leadership ranks. Indeed, these same countries do rank high on the Global Gender Gap Report 2020 in terms of gender equality performance, as well as having women on corporate boards.

“A small number of female leaders have emerged as a benchmark for what competent leadership looks like — and been applauded for it,” states co-authors Chamorro-Premuzic and Wittenburg-Cox in Harvard Business Review. “This group of talented leaders may become the first visible wave of role models for the generations to come, redefining the way we pick leaders in politics and business. In short, tales of strong female leaders succeeding through this crisis could lead to a change in the overarching narrative of what a strong leader looks like.”

Women Do Score Better Across Most Perceived Leadership Qualities

In a 2019 Harvard Business Review article, researchers Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman updated their 2012 research that demonstrated women leaders were perceived as effective as men, and actually scored higher on a “vast majority of leadership competencies”.

The research update was even more compelling. “Women are perceived by their managers — particularly their male managers — to be slightly more effective than men at every hierarchical level and in virtually every functional area of the organization,” wrote the authors. “That includes the traditional male bastions of IT, operations, and legal.”

Based on an analysis of 360 degree reviews, “women outscored men on 17 of the 19 capabilities that differentiate excellent leaders from average or poor ones” — including taking initiative (55.6% v. 48.2%), resilience (54.7% v. 49.3%), practicing self-development (54.8% v. 49.6%), driving for results (53.9% v. 48.8%), and displaying high integrity and honesty (54.0% v. 49.1%)”.

“We are accustomed to hearing that women are more other-directed and emotionally intelligent, which is actually proven in the research,” writes Cami Anderson in Forbes. “But, it turns out women are just as good and sometimes better at some of what we think of as male qualities, like being decisive and making tough calls.”

In part, this skill proficiency might be attributed to what it takes for women to arrive to leadership amidst the double standards they face, which makes them well-rounded, spherical leaders when they do make it to these positions.

What Feminine Leadership Traits Are Being Celebrated

Traits that have been exemplified by women leaders during the pandemic include “resilience, pragmatism, benevolence, trust in collective common sense, mutual aid and humility” as well as traits often perceived as feminine such as empathy, compassion, listening and collaboration.

“…what we know now is a “strong” leader isn’t necessarily a man who stands alone, making all the tough choices by himself,” writes Nicole Lipkin in Forbes, “But rather a servant leader, who gathers all points of view in a collaborative effort in order to arrive at the best course of action.”

Especially in a time of so much certainty, the “feminine” trait of humility is a “critical driver of leadership effectiveness in both men and women.”

As Chamarro-Premuzic and Gallop point out in HBR, “Without humility it will be very hard for anyone in charge to acknowledge their mistakes, learn from experience, take into account other people’s perspectives, and be willing to change and get better.”

Women are more collaborative, and tend to have a more realistic view of their abilities and know their limitations, and men tend to overestimate their abilities. This humility, which may not help with self-advocacy, means that women are more willing to seek support and solutions outside of their own perspective once in a leadership role.

“Decades of research show that female leaders are more likely to be democratic or participative — and less autocratic — in their leadership style, meaning they invite subordinates to participate in decision-making,” writes Zoe Marks in The Washington Post.

As written in HBR, women are also more likely to lead through transformational leadership – inspiring people, transforming attitudes and beliefs, and encouraging high levels of engagement and motivation, as well as performance. They also focus more on developing their direct reports than male leaders do.

Not only are more women leaders increasingly gaining profile internationally, but we are beginning to witness the necessity of feminine qualities of leadership that have too long been undervalued in positions of power.

by Aimee Hansen

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Being a Working Mother During COVID-19

Nicki Gilmour“What are you reading currently?” I was asked this week by someone who I was executive coaching. I laughed and said if I am lucky, I get to read magazine articles online late at night. Because, as many of you know, reading a whole book would be a pipe dream for any working mother during COVID-19, particularly a parent of small children in this stay-at-home, work-at-home, school-at-home era that will clearly last the rest of 2020 and probably into 2021. Small children need you in a way older children do not and therefore as much as we wish to ignore this fact, babies and anyone under eight or nine are the working parent’s career disabler this year.

It is hard to be everywhere at once. Can we truly have a professional career this year and school and care for our kids at home? Are men having to ask themselves the same question, or is it primarily women who are being adversely affected? That is the litmus test for equality. An important caveat is there are really great men who are stay-at-home dads all of the time and should get more recognition than they do, same as stay-at-home mothers. Both roles deserve a medal, but to also say that this not about what went before in an imperfect world, but about the impossible pressure points of the new reality of the dual roles of full-time employee and full-time parent at once.

The New York Times writes that COVID’s sociological effects may even have scarred a whole generation of women and the underlying conditions such as the motherhood penalty versus the fatherhood bonus and good old fashioned ongoing wage and promotional gaps, along with the continued implicit belief that men belong at work or as leaders whereas women are there by choice somehow, has no doubt created the perfect storm.

The double bind for women lies in too much work to get humanly done in one day. Then there is the other tricky side of the coin, which shows that women are getting furloughed or fired in bigger numbers, and not hired this year at the same rate (for example in STEM jobs and technology firms) in the first place, leaving them helpless to a “whoever works gets priority to be-left alone to work” paradigm. Default career of teacher then begins for so many women who just feel that they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t in this new decade of unplanned disruption.

But, for those who are dual career households with kids, some men in super liberal as well as conservative neighborhoods are still playing golf in the afternoons in couples where women are putting in double or triple shifts between their job and kids. This is not a political-party-led values divide for once, because the inequality of the division of labor and the mental load continues for republicans and democrats alike when it comes to working women and specifically working mothers. Women’s work has returned as the elephant in the room, turning back the clock to gender roles we thought we had ditched. Some advice columns implicitly suggest this is the way it is and to accept it, while others – which is the camp I am in – suggest this is a good time to rebalance it. Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) and one of the leading thinkers on this topic, suggests the following tips in her Harper’s Bazaar article:

1. Make the Invisible Visible
2. Believe All Time Is Created Equal
3. Focus on Your Why
4. Make Time for Planning
5. Own Tasks From Start to Finish
6. Focus on Fairness, Not 50/50
7. Modeling Matters (Including Out of Office Responses)
8. Burn Guilt and Shame
9. Be a Cultural Warrior (Care About Care)

Sociologist C. Wright Mills famously said, “Private troubles. Public issues.” Any issue that has appeared on our radar this year or ever, when it comes to experiencing what seems like personal or interpersonal challenges, is debated as individual choice or character traits, when it is always systemic and societal. The Lean In book and movement is a great example of how it was interpreted as a choice to do so, and completely missed the social constructs piece altogether.

Of course, the one choice that you do have is to collude or not collude with the way it has been. However, if it was that simple, we would all start the revolution today at work and home.
Sexism, much like racism, is a personal behavioral choice, but it is the other person and actually the system (how it runs) that has to mostly change for complete change. Flawed systems are not just based on sexist or racist people.

But, in the interest of looking at what you can do today, start with you. The organizational psychologists amongst us would argue Lewinian theory that states behavior is a function of both your personality and the environment you are in. Understand what works for you and map out not the world, but your world to understand the levers of getting other people to do better. What are the norms in your house or office around how things get done and who does them?

Now for the big stuff: deconstructing all the elements that have led to most women having massive amounts of internalized misogyny. Developmental psychologists Kegan and Lahey, in their book Immunity to Change, explore “mental complexity” and the holding of very competing beliefs at the same time (easier said than done, as cognitive dissonance is real and worldview is strong and unshakeable by mere facts) to understand that your truth is just your subjective truth based on the incumbent ideas of what is what. Whether at work or at home, the genome starts somewhere. Check your constructs, what have you been told that has been molded into your core beliefs?

How is that working out for you? No one says you have to keep doing it this way.

Nicki is our Head Coach and organizational psychologist. She will be guest coaching (virtually) at Working Mother magazine’s annual Multicultural Women’s National Conference this year. If you want a free exploratory session with Nicki, book here.

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Becoming Conscious of Microaggressions

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by Aimee Hansen

Systemic racism is exemplified in cumulative and insidious ways in our everyday interactions, and we often do not even see it. 

Noam Shpancer Ph.D. speaks to the importance of identifying the “true character of American racism,” in Psychology Today, as “a systemic feature of our social architecture, interwoven into the collective fabric by way of myriad traditions, legacies, laws, myths, institutions, and habits.”

This means identifying that an “overtly oppressive ideology” is embedded in our culture and within each of us. We are complicit in racism because it is insidious to the culture that formed and influences our self-concept and worldview.

Implicit Bias and Internalized Racism

Shpancer describes that racism has gone from being habituated (no longer registering what we are used to), to internalized (integrated into self-concept, including the oppressed taking on the oppressor’s sense of values), to becoming learned helplessness (the repeated frustration that neutralizes sense of agency), to falling into confirmation bias (selectively perceiving affirmation of what we already believe to be true, and dismissing what disproves it).

“Once it’s been habituated to, internalized, and allowed to shape our habits and perceptions, the oppressive ideology has in effect coopted us into perpetuating it,” writes Shpancer.

Microaggressions Are “Death By A Thousand Cuts”

In 2007, social scientist researchers called microaggressions “the new face of racism.” They position the dominant culture as the norm and perpetuate disapproval, discomfort and aberrance of marginalized groups.

Derald Wing Sue, professor of psychology at Columbia University and author of the book Microaggressions in Everyday Life, states in Fast Company, “Racial microaggressions are the brief and everyday slights, insults, indignities, and denigrating messages sent to people of color.”

Though often unintentional, microaggressions have “the impact of highlighting a person’s ‘difference’ from the majority represented group.” They are especially toxic because they appear neutral or positive to the speaker themselves, while reinforcing thinly veiled stereotypes and associations held by culture and that person.

For example, commenting that an African-American woman is “articulate” reflects that you did not expect her to be. Saying “your name is hard to pronounce” standardizes white names. Claiming to “not see color” is a microinvalidation of systemic racism that makes life more difficult because an individual is black, and discounts implicit bias. Other examples of microaggressions include telling an Asian-American woman she speaks English well, assuming two people need to meet just because they are LGBTQ+ or yet another manterruption while making a point in a meeting.

“It feels like death by a thousand cuts,” says HR expert, Avery Francis, who created a 10-slide presentation on microaggressions often experienced by black women that went viral. “[Microaggressions] really chip away at your self worth, and it’s harder because the instances seem so small.”

“Because of their somewhat ambiguous nature, microaggressions come with an added layer of emotions,” says psychologist Dr Samantha Rennalls, “They can be confusing, sometimes leaving the recipient with a sense of uncertainty about why they are feeling hurt or offended.”

Renalls shares that, “Long-term exposure to microaggressions has been associated with symptoms of depression and anxiety, possibly due to the impact that they have on self-esteem and/or the way in which one may feel powerless to challenge them.”

“In our research, we find that the impact of microaggressions are cumulative, causing major psychological harm,” Sue said. 

Making Microaggression Visible

Confronting microaggressions is difficult because of how subtle and innocuous they can appear, because the microaggressor will often feel innocent in intention and because the recipient herself can have an unclear feeling about the interaction. 

“…it is important to understand that a lot of times people who engage in microaggressions will not believe that what they said was racist or sexist or homophobic,” says to psychology professor Kevin Nadal, “…and we’re all human beings who might commit microaggressions.”

The conversation must be navigated from a growth mindset for the possibility of awareness of bias and its impact to be made conscious. One suggestion Nadal makes is to ask, “What do you mean by that?” Another suggestion is to ask, “Where do you think that was coming from?”

This can provide a moment for the microaggressor to stop and consider their words. This can even lead to them realizing they are unintentionally perpetuating racism.

According to Sue as written in CNN, a “microintervention” must consider the two levels of a microaggression: “One is the conscious communication of the initiator, which was likely intended to be a surface-level compliment. Then there’s the unconscious metacommunication, which is the message the microaggression sends.”

Sue suggests three ‘artful’ strategies for confronting microaggression, as an ally: 

  • Making the invisible, visible – make the nature of the behavior visible to the perpetrator
  • Educate the perpetuator – shift the focus from the intention (in which harm was not often consciously intended) to the impact and how it can cause pain
  • Disarm the microaggression – steer the conversation away from a comment or remark to disarm the energy in the moment

If you’re the recipient of microaggression, power dynamics might make this dangerous or emotionally-depleting. One option is to enlist an ally of equal position to the perpetrator to confront the behavior. 

If you’re confronted for your own microaggression, it’s important to be open to listen to the pain expressed and learn from this moment with a growth mindset. 

The more we can navigate with empathy and compassion, the more we can consciously alter the power dynamics that have perpetuated systemic racism. 

Aimee Hansen is a freelance writer, frequent contributor to theglasshammer and Creator and Facilitator of Storyteller Within Retreats, Lonely Planet-recommended women’s circle retreats focused on self-exploration and connecting with your inner truth and sacred expression through writing, yoga, meditation, movement and ceremonies.

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The Value of Being Out as a Leader

LGBT flag_PixabayBy Aimee Hansen

With Monday’s ruling, this moment could offer a new permission slip for coming out at work for many.

In a victory landmark decision, the Supreme Court ruled that existing U.S. Federal Law (Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964) protects LGTBQ workers from discrimination.

The statutory interpretation declared that the current prohibition of “sex” discrimination is inclusive of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Yet, for nearly half of us in the USA, being in the closet at work is a painful reality.

According to 2018 research by the HRC, 46% of LGBTQ+ workers in the U.S. remain closeted at work, only 4% less than the 50% figure ten years earlier.

Major factors for staying in the closet are fear of being stereotyped, fear of making others uncomfortable, fear of losing connections and fear of having attraction to others projected onto them just for being LGBTQ+.

Over 60% of all employees agree that spouses, relationship or dating conversations come up casually at least once a week, which can mean a lot of emotional energy on covering up. Yet, 50% of LGBTQ+ say that they know no openly out employees at their workplace. 28% admit that they lie during these conversations.

Fear of being unaccepted contributes to social avoidance at work (25%), feelings of unhappiness or depression (31%), distraction (25%) and emotional exhaustion (17%), among other negative impacts.

Not only does coming out require a sense of receptivity and support in the workplace, but also bravery, vulnerability and discernment.

It is only an individual choice, but it’s one that has positively surprised some major leaders who took the step.

Top executives speak to coming out of the closet

Top executives who are out offer personal insight on their coming out journey in Bloomberg, many reflecting retrospectively that the cost of not bringing their whole selves to work was too much… and they paid it for too long, perhaps unnecessarily.

Across stories, they express that while everyone’s experience is different, they wish they had known how much acceptance would show up for them once they decided to show up for themselves as LGBTQ+, unapologetically.

“I wish I had known earlier how well I would be accepted by my colleagues at Dow. I would have come out earlier, and my decision would have been far easier. I feared a lot of negativity that never came to fruition,” says Jim Fitterling, CEO of Dow, Inc, who came out only when already senior in the organization. “I would never tell anyone to come out when they don’t feel comfortable, but I know from experience there is a toll you pay when you try to hide part of yourself, and that the perceived pain of coming out is often worse than the reality.”

“I would say be yourself; bring your whole self to work. Please don’t go back into the closet—because you will be the one who fundamentally suffers for it,” says Inga Beale, ex-CEO of Lloyds of London. “And if you’re out at work, you and your business will benefit…I definitely, definitely regret not coming out earlier.”

Owning your LGBTQ+ belonging as an asset to the workplace

“I personally feel an enormous sense of responsibility to take that empathy and the fight I got from growing up different from the majority of the population in the world and draw on that to make sure that every space I’m in,” says Kim Culmone, Senior vice president, Mattel Inc in Bloomberg. “ I’m bringing the voice of perhaps the marginalized or forgotten community into that room of influence and power.”

Dr. Steve Yacovelli, author of Pride Leadership: Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to be the King or Queen of their Jungle, identifies six traits that out LGBTQ+ leaders can leverage to magnify effectiveness as leaders, not only amidst your reports but overall in your greater leadership influence.

These include: being authentic, leading with courage, having empathy, effective communication, building relationships and influencing organizational culture – all of which are competencies that LGBTQ+ leaders more often have in spades.

“You see the concept of authenticity in generic leadership everywhere,” says Dr. Yacovelli, in OutFront Magazine, “and if I look at folks in our community living authentically as themselves, we’re already exercising that muscle just naturally by being who we are.”

Yacovelli notes,“…I’m seeing more folks saying leadership isn’t just your direct report or organizational structure, it’s about who you influence.”

LGBTQ+ leadership is good for business

The benefit to business of having LGBTQ+ in leadership is no secret.

Research across data for 132 countries has demonstrated that more human rights protection for LGBTQ+ people is good for economic development. Despite this, 70 UN member states still criminalize being gay, let alone being transgender or gender non-binary.

Coming out is foremost a personal decision, and one to be made by each of us.

But it’s also a true leadership choice that has the potential to expand beyond your personal experience to create a ripple rainbow effect within any organization and all who you interact with.

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You Know What You Want, But What Are You Committing To?

Aimee Hansenby Aimee Hansen

What desire or longing do you have?

Is there something you want to be, or do, or feel or have?

Is there something within that seeks to be expressed or experienced, or that calls for a change?

Okay, but what are you committing to? 

You may know what you want, but are you affirming your desire and moving towards it?

Often, we habitually commit to undermining our desires.

Until we bring this harsh truth into awareness, we might be working against ourselves. If you have a desire that you are not nurturing, asking yourself this question:

Instead of your desire, what are you actually committing to?

Ask in a day-in, day-out kind of way. Ask when it comes to your habits, actions, thoughts and beliefs.

Often, we are not aware or radically self-honest about what we are actually committing to instead of our true desires.

We think of committing to something as being intentional and deliberate investment towards a goal or agreement. But intention is not necessary.  In practice, repetitive habit alone creates commitment.

On a daily basis, we might “commit” to bottling up anger, people-pleasing, holding back our “no”, scrolling on our phone, over-working and perpetuating 24/7 availability.

Notice how the language “commit” usually refers to a mistake or a crime, whereas commitment refers to a focused dedication.

Take this example of how habit becomes commitment: activate screen time monitoring on your smartphone. How many hours a week are you committing to social media?

Without even realizing it, we do “commit” away from our desires much of the time. If you are dissatisfied in a persistent situation, you can step back and ask yourself what you have been committing to.

This question will often reveal some accountability at play, even if it’s as simple as continued acquiescence to and participation in a situation or circumstance you are not aligned with.

We often commit to a repetition of thoughts and actions that are tethered to our conditioning or our comfort zone or our fear.

What is happening now? 

Check in by asking what is actually happening now. Often, you are more committed to what is happening than what you say you desire.

Here are three examples:

Desire: to write a book
Reality: not writing it
Committing to: working overtime, spending time with your kids, scrolling on Facebook, Netflix before bed, going to the gym, reiterating beliefs about not being qualified, etc

Desire: to be promoted
Reality: stagnant in your position
Committing to: doing office housework, focusing only on skills that you feel comfortable and competent in, being productive rather than demonstrating leadership and delegation, waiting for recognition rather than active self-promoting, etc

Desire: a loving, supportive relationship
Reality: a confusing, uncommitted relationship
Committing to: chasing unavailable people, subjugating your own needs, sticking with what doesn’t work, rationalizing someone else’s behavior, fantasizing what could be rather than seeing reality, etc

As you can see, what you are committed to is not always a negative thing. However, sometimes it is self-sabotaging or shows a lack of faith that you could have what you want.

What can you do? 

Seeing what you are currently committing helps to reveal how you actually feel and what the braver action might be.
Perhaps it’s not the time to write that book based on what you value right now, so you can stop beating yourself over the head with “should”.

Perhaps you have not realized that you are hiding in your comfort zone,and you realize it’s time to start playing at the level you wish to reach.

Perhaps commitment to what you want you requires walking away from what is not good enough, with faith what you want will come.

In each case, it’s enlightening to see what you are actually committing to and whether that aligns with your true desires for yourself.

What are you believing? 

Also, consider whether your mind and heart are in coherence with your desire. There’s a reason why we commit to what we’re actually doing now, even if unconscious.

Our current behavior may match our sense of self-worth, or self-love or our conditioning around what is possible for us or what is normal. It may be rewarding at the egoic fear-based level.

We often want something and also hold limiting beliefs about why it is not desirable or possible, for us. We might hold beliefs that would make the realization itself hollow.

You want to write a book. But your idea about who a published author is doesn’t match your own sense of yourself.

You want a promotion. But you are also terrified the new role would just mean more anxiety.

You want a supportive, loving relationship. But you fear that relationship means compromise and you are too much for anyone.

Despite knowing what we want, some parts of our internal selves might run contradictory to realizing it, or even letting ourselves fully want it.

As Anne Lamott writes, “If you’re not enough before the gold medal, you won’t be enough with it.”

By asking yourself what you long for, observing what you are actually committed to (instead), and investigating the beliefs underpinning what you are habitually doing, you can gift yourself a wake up call.

And then, you can choose to re-orient your energies towards alignment with what you really want.

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You’re Not Forgotten – How to Stay Relevant When Working from a Distance

Laleh HancockBy Laleh Alemzadeh Hancock

Change is a natural part of living and business.

However, with the sudden and widespread changes catalyzed by the current global pandemic, and people required to work in isolation, it is impossible to continue business as usual without risk of quickly becoming redundant.

To stay relevant and thrive requires approach, starting with the willingness to step up to a new level of leadership – one that isn’t based on your or job title, but on your personal choice and demand to have a greater future, no matter what.

Sudden change of this degree is not necessarily comfortable, but it doesn’t have to be difficult or unpleasant. It can be a time of great growth and innovation.

Here are 4 key steps to lead from the front in unpredictable times, and from wherever you are currently working:

1. Be Present with What is Required Now

Fear in times of uncertainty can have a domino effect. With so many countries being impacted right now, perpetuating panic and doubt is counterproductive and even destructive. What was relevant in business yesterday no longer applies, so it is important to stay present and put your and your colleagues’ attention on what is possible now.

Ask questions to stay generative:

• What does my job and organization require of me, my colleagues and staff today?
• What are our clients looking for now?
• How do I position my skills, staff, projects and the organization so that we are relevant now and in the future?

Don’t assume that business will eventually “go back to normal” or function as before. It may, and it may not. Ask different questions, seek different perspectives, engage with new innovations and ideas. There are always more possibilities available than you think.

2. Engage, Engage, & Keep on Engaging

The world of telecommuting can put a wall between you and others, but it doesn’t have to. Multiple-participant videoconferencing platforms are available for connecting with ease, and the “old fashioned” way of picking up the telephone is more relevant than ever now! Look outside the box. Who can you engage with and what questions can you ask that will create more for you, your teams, projects, and wider business?

Also, recognize that messaging and email are ways of delivering information, they are not communication. Don’t misidentify or mistake them as a substitute for actual interaction.

Taken for granted patterns of relating to people and business at the office won’t work anymore, either. If there are places in your life and business where you have been sitting back, hiding, unwilling to be in front or have your voice, now really is the time to change it. Your awareness, creativity, ideas, and ability to look at new opportunities with and for your organization are going to be needed more than ever before, no matter your title.

Each day, ask, “How can I allow my difference to shine through and contribute in ways I’ve not considered before?”

3. Prioritize Your Body

The new demands of mixed work and homelife and the mental and physical stresses of adapting to them mean that finding outlets for nurturing you and your body are more paramount than ever. To better be present, engaged and empowered from a distance, you’ll require a degree of self-care that you cannot put on the backburner.

Step away from your work and life demands at regular intervals to relax and breathe for 5 minutes: Close your eyes, feel your feet on the ground, place your hands on your stomach, and breathe in. For 3 breaths, imagine pulling your breath up from the bottom of your feet to the top of your head, through your body and deep into the earth. For the next 3 breaths, pull your breath up through the earth, your body and out the top of your head.

Move every day and connect with nature. From inside your house or go outdoors and let the sun, trees, and fresh air rejuvenate you. Check in with your body every day and take action early when you perceive tension or signs of fatigue.

4. Be the Leader of Your Future

To be essential and relevant, you must stop looking externally for answers or for others to choose for you. You have to be the leader of your life every single day. Don’t wait. Create!

Each day has new requirements and new possibilities. Mentally clear the slate every morning and don’t reference the past to create your future. Ask, “What is possible today that was not yesterday?”

For better or worse, the old world no longer exists. You can choose to hide, fade and become irrelevant, or step up, take the lead, and create greater.

Your willingness to be a different voice and a leader for a greater future is what is needed now more than ever. Ask questions, be present, engage, nurture your body and your future. With these choices, you’ll create more than you currently think is possible in business and life, no matter where you are or what is occurring.

Laleh Alemzadeh-Hancock is a leadership and entrepreneurial coach, professional services consultant, personal wellness mentor, and founder and CEO of global professional services company, Belapemo. Laleh boasts 30 years’ experience in operational excellence, change management and business consulting, and has inspired and empowered millions of individuals including Fortune 500 executives, government agencies, non-profit organizations, athletes and veterans. A highly respected executive and leadership coach, Laleh has a particular interest in supporting and encouraging the leadership capabilities of women – in business, in the workplace, at home and in the wider community. She is featured alongside luminaries such as Oprah Winfrey, Melinda Gates, and Ginni Rometty in the 2019 publication, America’s Leading Ladies: Stories of courage, challenge and triumph. Follow Laleh.

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We Are Reworking Our Site This Week

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Dear Readers,

We are reworking and updating our site this week so please have patience while we troubleshoot to bring back our leading career advice and news by next week at the latest.

Thanks in advance,

Nicki Gilmour

CEO and Founder

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5 Tips to Manage your Productivity, Sanity and Career during the Coronavirus

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Nicki GilmourProductivity is state of mind.

Aided by peace of mind which none of us have right now in the midst of a pandemic.

As someone who invented and launched theglasshammer from my living room in Brooklyn, I can testify to needing utmost grit, tenacity, determination and focus to produce a large volume of work on a daily basis for thirteen years through good and bad times looking at a wall or a screen. In fact, the irony is, social distancing feels rather similar to my everyday professional life of walk the dog, write editorial, do coaching on zoom/facetime, cook lunch, walk the dog, write, coach, cook, childcare on repeat. I even lived in the woods for two years so social isolation is clearly what I have been training for, dear readers.

Here are my top 5 tips for keeping it all going during this time:

1. Set Boundaries- physical, mental and emotion for yourself

Physical boundaries are the easiest. Delineate areas in your house, even a corner of your apartment to work from. Do what you need to do to make it “nice” for you. Pictures, or a bare desk, you know who you are. Keep it clean by clorox wiping the bottom of your laptop and keys and screen once a day. Ditto phone.

Mental and emotional boundaries are harder. Confine work to work and don’t check email on the couch on your phone for example. Also, to emotionally protect yourself during work do not read news, instead listen to soothing classical music, jazz, a radio station that you like ( for me BBC Radio 2 cannot be beaten)  or an old “album” that brings you back to a good time. Create nostalgia if you need that on dark quarantine days as this is going to last for a while so stamina and strategy are crucial elements to keeping sane and therefore productive.

2. Get Exercise

Get up and walk outside (while keeping a distance of course) or peleton or bike yourself skinny. Whatever your jam is, and is still ok to do, do it. You can sit on an exercise ball and have a stand up adjustable desk, there are ways to create variety. Get your trainer to work with you virtually. You don’t have to go as far as Sarah Conner in Terminator 2 doing chin ups on the metal bed frame ( humor will get us though this).

3. Get hobbies.

Ever wanted to speak a language? I learned to cook when i lived in the woods, cook like Julia Child with WW2 dried goods. Challenge yourself to be resourceful. Grow veggies, knit, read books about foraging mushrooms even if you never do it.  It is amazing what you learn skill wise and more importantly what you learn about yourself.

Have kids? Explore new stuff with them in the down time. Coloring is extremely soothing and Frozen 2 will provide you with plenty to do there including googling “let it go” in many languages and belting it out “Libre Soy”.

If you are a busy person, chances are there are several TV shows you have wanted to catch up on. I just started Outlander, a celtic time traveling tale that lasts for 6 or 7 seasons, that will be a great mental distraction to invest in (also life in 1743 makes our current reality as dire as it is, still better). And novels, remember them? Have virtual book clubs with your friends. Virtual wine and cheese ( i have been invited to one already). Business books and professional development books are also good and here are my recommendations for the next few weeks:

Authentic Gravitas

Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader

Everyday Negotiations

You are a Badass

Immunity to Change

Buy extra coffee, tea, candy, chocolate, vodka, wine or whatever you need for the days that you need a cheap thrill.

4. Get reflective time

See this as opportunity to look inwards and reflect what is meaningful to you. Take a list of “should do’s” and figure out what is real and what is not. What is working for you? What is not? What do you want to do differently when we emerge from this? What has been the best of 2020 so far that you can expand on at work? Meditate – however and whatever method works and watch how you can regain the power of your mind.

5. Use technology to get the job done

There is actually a lot to be said for saving time not commuting. You might find you do more old fashioned calling and videoconferencing with someone because you do lack the human contact factor. Email is still email. It is by getting sucked into facebook and other productivity sucks like cat videos that you will wonder why the “to-do” list is still there.

Video call your friends near and far, call your parents and older friends as they have to stay in the most.

Good luck and if you need executive and frankly, life coaching on how to thrive professionally and personally during this unusual time, book in with me at nicki@theglasshammer.com – 3 video sessions x 90 mins long that you can use all year long for $899 or book a 15 mins chat to see if it for you here

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I am a professionally certified coach (PCC) with a masters in Social (I/O) Psychology, i am your person on this one.

Write “coach me” in the email headline and we can set up a time or book now if you are ready for a full session here.

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You will get through this! STAY SAFE.

 

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14 Best Tips for Working Virtually From Home

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Guest Contribution

In today’s challenging environment with more and more sent home to work, it’s imperative to know how to work virtually.  When you haven’t done it previously, it can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be.

These tips should help.

Best Tips for Working Virtually:

  1. Have a clear plan of attack – There are so many things that need done (i.e., setting up your office, internet, etc.) and the list goes on.  Start a to-do list and prioritize.  Realize that not everything has to be done immediately. By prioritizing your list, it feels more doable. And who doesn’t like to cross off those to do’s!
  2. Get Supplies Pronto – With so many heading out to get supplies, you are going to see things sold out. You want to stock up on business suppliers such as paper, ink, etc., soon. While doing so, grab extras so you don’t run out when they are gone. Because seriously, you never want to run out of ink … EVER! Trust me on that one.  Plus, get some fun things too.  You get to decorate your new office at home, so let your personality shine though.  Just remember that you might be on Skype and doing video calls.   Make it fun, but professional. Also, keep all receipts. Many companies are paying for supplies and you want to have proof of your purchases.
  3. Your Internet is crucial – You are more than likely going to need to connect with others in your company remotely so getting your internet set up is crucial. If your company provides tech support utilize it. Just write out all your questions in advance so you utilize their time in the best way possible. Believe it or not, tech guys really don’t like the 25 calls when 2 would suffice. Don’t be that person!
  4. Test your equipment and work through those nasty bugs that can happen – Those who have worked from home for years know that things happen and how you deal with it is what can save you. So work through those in the early stages.  Also, again you want to prioritize.  Figure out what is happening in the next few days that needs your immediate attention.  Work on those first. Keep in mind, speed is important.  Your computer from a decade ago might not cut it today so if you have to, get a new one.
  5. Back up all work – Your company more than likely had back-ups already in place. But now that you are home it’s imperative that you set this up immediately. A flash drive, cloud storage such as Dropbox, and also Carbonite are good recommendations.  Just as important as backing up your system, also make sure you know how to restore it if something happens.  So figure that important step out as well. Darn, one more thing to add to your to do list.
  6. Skype, Zoom, FreeConference Pro, etc., will be your best friends – These allow you to have audio and video conferences. Look into them pronto.
  7. Set up your webcam – Invest in a good one too. More importantly though check it out and see how you look. When it’s too close all you can see is your face close up, which means every winkle will show.  Not a good look.  Also review your background.  Anything that is in view should be cleaned up. Now is not the time to see your old Diet Cokes sitting around that you haven’t thrown away. I mean who does that? (Guilty as charged!)
  8. Discuss your situation with your family and friends – Be firm on the fact that you’re working and just because you are home, you can’t talk for hours or watch their kids because you are home and they still need to be at the office. Interruptions can lead to work that is not your best, so plan accordingly.
  9. Set up a dedicated area – If you can convert a room or a part of a room to an office that is the best scenario. Find a place where the interruptions are less frequent and also away from barking dogs and other distractions. Being able to shut a door for the office is great too.
  10. Have Activities For Your Children Ahead of Time – Bored kids are no fun! You might be working hard, but they are all the sudden out of school and left with little to do.  Plan ahead and have fun things for them to do.  All those coloring books and toys they got for the holidays might just come in handy now.  Of course, plan age-appropriate activities and know that a little TV now isn’t so bad.  They are probably stressed as well with the recent news.
  11. When on important virtual calls or conferences, be sure to turn off any distractions – If you are on Skype, turn your phone off so you can’t hear voice mails. Log out of email programs such as Outlook so all your email notifications don’t appear if you have it set up that way.  You don’t want everyone at your company to see the email coming from Aunt Grace.
  12. Write down all your passwords – I’ll leave it at that. You’ll thank me later for that one!
  13. Set down clear guidelines on how you will be communicating – Decide what works best for you and your company in keeping in touch? Phone, email, virtual conferences, etc.  Plan this in the beginning and work out solutions that make sense. Also, be brief in corresponding.  If it can be done in an email, do it.  No one has time for long drawn-out meetings, even virtually. Also, no one has time to read a novel in an email. Get to the point quickly.
  14. Stay Focused – Work on one thing at a time and really proofread and watch your work. Mistakes can happen because of the stress of the situation. By slowing down and really focusing you can avoid most of them.  Also, be good to yourself.  Buy your favorite coffee or goodie to make yourself feel good.  Remember to breath and take breaks getting up and walking around.  You’ll be amazed how good that feels.

The most important thing to do is take it slowly and try and remain calm. Contact a friend or associate and chat.  Reach out and say hi.  Turn off the news. Now I’m not saying don’t listen to the news, just avoid the 24/7 news cycle as that can be overwhelming. And finally, know that this too shall pass.  We all will get through this and the other side will be spectacular.

Author Bio:

Diana Ennen, President of Virtual Word Publishing, https://virtualwordpublishing.com offers PR and Marketing services, book marketing services, virtual assisting services, and PR and Virtual Assistant Coaching. She is also co-author of Virtual Assistant the Series: Become a Highly Successful Sought After VA. She has been featured in USA Weekly, Forbes, Inc. Radio, Fox News, Women’s World, USA Today, CNN, Wall Street Journal, and many more. She also has many valuable resources such as her PR Success Webinar Series – https://virtualwordpublishing.com/coaching-and-classes/pr-success-series/

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Owning Your Mistakes: Why It Is a Mark of Leadership

Owning Your MistakesWhat makes you trustworthy as a leader is not whether you make a mistake at all. You are bound to make some because real leadership enters into the  area of unknown outcome. It’s whether you are capable of owning your mistakes – and if you can handle them with honesty, integrity and grace.

The best leaders don’t become less trustworthy when they make a mistake. They become more trusted – precisely because of how they owned and managed the process.

The Importance of Admitting When You Are Wrong

Previously, research across 3,100 employees in 13 countries revealed that the largest gap in leadership behavior between what matters to employees and what is perceived to be consistently demonstrated by supervisors is: “admitting when they are wrong.”

Eighty-one percent of employees considered it important or very important for leaders to admit mistakes, but only 41 percent felt their bosses consistently did so.

Researchers found that a leader’s willingness to “admit when they are wrong” is the top tested behavior when it comes to positively impact on employee job satisfaction and intention to stay in the job.

The Danger of Deniability or Deflection

An inability to perceive and admit mistakes is not at all a strength, but a weakness – and in a leader, it’s blind and dangerous.

Nobody enjoys being wrong, and Psychology Today points out that sometimes we accept full responsibility and sometimes we accept only partial responsibility for mistakes, but that is different than a tendency to “push back against the actual facts”.

When an individual repetitively pushes back on all evidence and is simply unable to admit he or she is wrong, it’s psychological rigidity.

“Some people have such a fragile ego, such brittle self-esteem, such a weak “psychological constitution,” that admitting they made a mistake or that they were wrong is fundamentally too threatening for their egos to tolerate,” writes Guy Winch, Ph.D., “Accepting they were wrong, absorbing that reality, would be so psychologically shattering, their defense mechanisms do something remarkable to avoid doing so — they literally distort their perception of reality to make it (reality) less threatening. Their defense mechanisms protect their fragile ego by changing the very facts in their mind, so they are no longer wrong or culpable.”

Winch points out that this person may appear as though standing their ground and not backing down, and we would then associate this behavior with being strong, but this behavior is anything but strength or conviction.

“These people are not choosing to stand their ground; they’re compelled to do so in order to protect their fragile egos…” write Winch. “It takes a certain amount of emotional strength and courage to deal with that reality and own up to our mistakes.”

If someone cannot admit a mistake in the face of clear evidence, if they have to blame something else, deflect or change the story, it’s because their ego is too fragile to allow the humility (or humanity) of erring. That’s the opposite of leadership.

On a lighter scale, even not vocally acknowledging a mistake or glossing over it can reflect a lack of awareness in the growth value of doing so.

“As any great leader will tell you, they have made many mistakes along the way. They will admit that it was the collective insight from bad decisions that taught them invaluable lessons – and how to see opportunities in everything and anticipate the unexpected more quickly,“ writes author Glenn Lopis in Forbes. “Successful leaders are transparent enough with themselves and others to admit their wrong doings so that those around them can also benefit from their learnings. They call this wisdom and many leaders lack it – because they are too proud to recognize mistakes as valuable learning moments for themselves and others.”

The Alchemy in Owning Mistakes = Trust

“Being a leader doesn’t mean that you’re always right or that you won’t err,” writes Jim Whitehurst, president and CEO of Red Hat, “What being a leader does mean is airing the reasons for why you did something and then making yourself accountable for the results—even if those you’re accountable to don’t directly work for you.”

Admitting and taking responsibility for a mistake means a willingness to show human vulnerability and transparency – which cultivates a sense of trust, adds to your credibility as a leader and earns respect.

“Typically, when leaders realize they’ve made a mistake, others have noticed, too. Leaders who then fail to admit they were wrong leave employees feeling as though their leaders consider being right more important than being honest,” writes Chris McCloskey, from Dale Carnegie Training. “Taking responsibility demonstrates that leaders value integrity over the easier paths of laying blame or hoping their mistake won’t be exposed. Admitting when you’re wrong also shows you’re aware of, and therefore in a position to learn from, your mistakes. This can build further confidence in your leadership.”

Owning your mistake provides an important sense of safety as a leader, and puts more validity behind your word. When employees feel safe, their talents and energies are put towards supporting the leader rather than protecting their position in the organization, while creating a culture in which employees can feel safe to take important risks and own their mistakes too.

Michelle Reina, of Reina Trust Building consultants, writes, “through nearly 25 years of trust-focused research and experience, we can give one piece of guidance to leaders seeking to increase their trustworthiness: Take responsibility for your mistakes.” Reina asks, “Do you remember the last time you didn’t just ‘get through’ a mistake, but embraced it as a ready-made opportunity to deepen trust?”

Reina argues that the authenticity, integrity and safety built through  owning a mistake and then addressing solutions catalyzes trust: “In our experience, when you admit you’ve made a mistake, you don’t erode trust in your leadership, you strengthen it.”

What Women Must Keep in Context

Research shows women are more likely to hold on to mistakes emotionally and blame themselves, while men move on faster, tell “tidy stories” or exhibited detached perspectives on mistakes.

So while being forthcoming in owning real mistakes, it’s also important for women particularly to remember that ownership of a mistake does not justify or require self-shaming. And this is not about habitual apologizing, which is clearly something to break from.

Owning a real mistake is about owning a clearly bad judgment or decision as something you are capable of as a human, so you can acknowledge and learn from it. It’s about knowing you are big enough to admit an error, not making yourself smaller. Whereas self-shaming means women are going to a place of “I am bad” for having ever made that mistake.

“Women can spend less energy beating themselves up and more energy learning from the mistake,” writes Alina Tugenda, author of ‘Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong’. “I’m not advocating blaming “the system,” but being able to depersonalize the mistake helps us to view it more objectively and learn whatever lessons can be learned from it.”

Navigating Your Mistakes

Ultimately, making a mistake or judgment in error is a reflection of having been willing to take the decisions that come at both risk and opportunity.

What matters is the ability to allow the humanness to acknowledge your mistakes cleanly without covering them up, displacing blame or overly internalizing and dramatizing the mistake.

Beyond owning the mistake, leadership actions are mitigating the damage, learning from your mistakes, openly working with your team to address solutions, helping others to avoid the same mistake and moving onwards.

A mistake is a mistake. The process of navigating the mistake can be a stepping stone towards greater trust, respect and admiration as a leader. As with anything, it’s how you handle it that makes the difference.

By Aimee Hansen

Aimee Hansen is a freelance writer, frequent contributor to theglasshammer and Creator and Facilitator of Storyteller Within Retreats, Lonely Planet recommended women’s circle retreats focused on self-exploration and connecting with your inner truth and sacred expression through writing, yoga, meditation, movement and ceremonies.

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