Own Your Energy: Seven Keys to Honing Your Personal Power

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own your personal powerOne power dynamic we rarely speak explicitly about is the one with yourself. Yet it’s arguably the most powerful relationship impacting your work, your leadership, and your life.

Are you still perceiving power as the ability to exert control over others – or to be subject to another’s control? What if you began to define power instead as the energy you cultivate when you move in alignment with your truth as you navigate the choices of your days?

In any given situation, do you remember to re-orient yourself towards your axis of personal power? Are you aware of how you leak power? Are you aware of how you build it? No matter the situation, you hold power. How you perceive and steward that power – especially with yourself – matters most.

Leading and empowering others begins with your ability to authentically lead and empower yourself. Here are seven ways to step into greater energetic mastery of personal power.

1) Disrupt the urge to dominate yourself.

In the patriarchal paradigm, achieving outcomes often means using pressure and domination inside of a hierarchy. When you internalize this, you dominate yourself to meet external demands – often at a profound cost to your well-being.

If you laud force over yourself to make things happen, you push beyond your limits, override your embodied truth, and live in chronic stress and anxiety, priming yourself for burnout. As Stephen Covey illustrates, you err when you prioritize the golden eggs (production) over the goose that creates them.

Empowering yourself means honoring how you treat yourself – mentally, energetically, and physically – rather than devaluing yourself. When you stop normalizing self-dominance, it become harder for others to dominate you and easier to discern toxic environments.

2) Start moving from where you stand now.

Often we displace our power to some future, idealized scenario.

You tell yourself that when you reach a certain title, goalpost, or milestone, you’ll finally manage your time better, assert yourself, relax, or set boundaries. If only something were different, you think, or if you attain that one qualification, then you could make the leap.

But any notion that displaces your personal power to a future scenario blinds you to the power you presently hold. It may even create a false story about what is necessary to move toward what you want, suspending your ability to act here and now.

Your ability to affect your experience never lies in the future. It is available in this moment.

3) Stop seeing giants around you.

“If a person continues to see giants, it means he is still looking at the world through the eyes of a child.” ― Anas Nin

In patriarchal culture, we are conditioned to see authority as external to ourselves. No matter how far you are in your career, do you still find yourself projecting disproportionate power onto certain people, especially those with prestigious titles or positions?

True power exists within you – it’s how you manage your energy and choices in every interaction. It can neither be granted nor taken away. It has nothing to do with role, reputation, or permission. It’s embodied from within.

When you see giants around you, you subtly give away your power. If you stopped, what might you be willing to speak, do, or risk?

4) Get honest about what holds power over you.

Unconscious thoughts and behaviors drive most of our daily interactions. More than any person or institution, you surrender your power to beliefs, patterns, stories, habits, and cultural norms. What you repeatedly activate infuses your energy. The narratives you tell yourself shape your lived reality and how much power you have.

When you react rather than respond, you are not in your power. Certain interactions, people, or thoughts can trigger you to lose regulation, unplug your energy, or activate fear-based behaviors.

Bringing these dynamics into your conscious awareness allows you to investigate how you lose power, such as:

  • What beliefs, patterns, and habits unplug your power?
  • How do you silence or diffuse your own voice and possibilities?
  • What story are you telling that disempowers and limits you?
  • Where and how do you abandon your values?

Where you lose power impacts upon your ability to show up authentically in leadership. As the saying goes, the calmest person in the room holds the most power.

Working with an executive coach can help you to reveal and recalibrate the power battles you face within.

5) Practice discernment and boundaries.

“Energy is power. And it is your responsibility to monitor how you manage it.” – Caroline Myss

Navigating your “yes” and “no” is energy management and has consequences for your clarity, health, and sense of power. When you cannot say “no,” you victimize yourself.

Boundaries matter. Not every invitation requires your attention. Not every conflict merits your engagement. Not everyone has free access to your energy and time.

Practicing discernment can strengthen your energetic field, so you are not scattering energy or leaking power. You sense intuitively what is in alignment for you. Sometimes this means action; other times, withdrawing or letting go.

Every time you say “yes” to a clear internal “no,” you chip away at your personal power. It is far healthier for you to disappoint others than to betray yourself. When you manage your energy, you radiate an authenticity and leadership rooted in self-esteem and self-respect.

6) Keep your word with yourself, first.

Trust is a foundation of leadership, including self-leadership. When you deeply trust yourself, you build the inner wholeness essential to personal power. But as Martha Beck writes in “The Way of Integrity,” lying to yourself – even in small ways – wreaks inner havoc.

  • What are you doing that you know hurts you?
  • What are you not doing that it hurts to not be doing?
  • Where are you fibbing to yourself or breaking your own word?
  • Where are you being unfaithful to your truth?

When your thoughts, energy, and actions align, you come from inner coherence. Power rooted in real integrity speaks through your presence, energy, and actions, far more so than power rooted in title, performance, or external validation.

7) Calibrate your presence from within.

The ultimate power you hold is your perception and ability to define your inner experience. Most people live in reaction. Because of X or Y or Z, we must shrink or be afraid or lose trust. But circumstances and meaning are two different things, and context does not dictate response.

You can default to reflecting the environment, or you can anchor your tone from within. You decide whether to mirror chaos and fear and victimhood or to choose calm and groundedness and trust. Personal power happens when you no longer default to unconscious reactions but instead move from conscious choice, sourcing your stability from within.

If there is one power dynamic you master, let it be the one you hold with yourself. This will transform the way you move through every challenge, opportunity, and relationship – and it will redefine the quality of your leadership.

Alongside years of writing on leadership, Aimee Hansen is the founder of Storyteller Within and leads the Journey Into Sacred Expression women’s retreat on Lake Atitlan, Guatemala. Her upcoming event is July 26th – August 4th, 2025. Follow her at thestorytellerwithin.com, on instagram, and via Linked In.

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Natalie Runyon: Content Strategist for ESG, Human Rights Crimes and AI in Courts, Thomson Reuters

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Natalie Runyon“My definition of success has shifted,” says Natalie Runyon. “Fifteen years ago, I wanted to be in the C-suite. Now, my biggest legacy is raising well-adjusted children and having a good partnership to do that.”

First profiled in 2013 while Director of Global Security at Thomson Reuters, Runyon reflects on how her mindset of continual evolution has shaped her approach to achievement, purpose, and impact. She speaks to how she has embraced change with intention, guided by adaptability, self-awareness, and a commitment to aligning her professional growth with her personal values.

Evolving Through Curiosity and Change

Early in her career, Runyon made a name for herself in security operations, first at Goldman Sachs and later at Thomson Reuters, where she managed critical operations around the clock. At the same time, Runyon was already thinking about the future, getting involved with the company’s women’s network, earning a coaching certification, and launching a workshop called Be the CEO of Your Career, which eventually reached more than 1,300 employees globally.

“Be the CEO of Your Career was translated into Spanish and Portuguese, and I trained facilitators to lead it. It helped get my name out there, build my credibility and expand my network.”

That visibility opened the door to a lateral move into sales operations, a role that allowed her to transition out of security and take on new challenges, but with more regular hours. “It was a big relief,” she says. “By then, I had two young kids, and I needed a shift.”

After a few years in sales, Runyon made her next career leap to a position at the Thomson Reuters Institute, where she has spent the last seven years curating thought leadership on topics ranging from talent and inclusion to ESG, human rights, and AI in the courts. While the content areas have shifted over time, one thing has remained constant: her ability to dive into unfamiliar territory with confidence.

“One consistent thread throughout my career, and why I have been able to make such big moves, is that I’m very comfortable operating in ambiguity and understanding how to ask the right questions to leverage the collective expertise of the people around me.”

In addition to being comfortable with uncertainty, Runyon highlights her natural curiosity as a strength. When she was asked to lead the Institute’s coverage of ESG, she got two ESG certifications to build her credibility and experience, “it opened up a new area for me to sink my teeth into and learn something new.”

That same curiosity is now guiding her latest area of focus: AI governance in court systems. “It’s not something I ever thought I’d be working on,” she says, “but I love that my role continues to evolve. Even though my title hasn’t changed, the content keeps shifting, and that keeps it interesting.”

Reframing Success and Failure

Runyon’s career evolution has also been shaped by her willingness to take risks outside the corporate world. She reflects on how her experiences as an entrepreneur, first in launching a coaching business, and later in acquiring a small company, shaped her definition of success and failure.

“Even though I originally designed the Be the CEO of Your Career workshop for my own coaching business, I probably had more impact rolling it out at Thomson Reuters than I ever would have had as a solo coach,” she says. “That was a success, just not the one I originally pictured.”

Years later, she challenged herself again by buying a business, after investing significant time in learning how to value and grow companies. However, when a family matter demanded her focus, she made the decision to sell. “I sold it at a loss, and financially it was rough,” she says, “but I don’t regret that decision at all.”

Through it all, Runyon has reframed what success looks like. “I don’t really look at things as failures, I look at them as learning opportunities,” she explains. “Life is fluid. None of my plans have ever worked out exactly the way I thought they would, but life has worked out.”

For Runyon, evolution is not about a perfect outcome. It’s about continuing to ask herself the hard questions, adapt, and stay open to wherever growth leads next.

The Dual Impact of Leadership Coaching

With a background in leadership coaching, it is no surprise that Runyon is a firm believer in its transformative impact. She often draws on what she learned during her training, skills that continue to influence how she leads, communicates, and navigates challenges at work.

“From the ability to ask good questions when I’m interviewing somebody for an article to having a level of comfort in asking the hard questions and not being afraid of the answers, my training as a coach has impacted me in foundational ways.”

She continues, “that includes not letting fear drive decision making, because in coaching you learn how to look at the worst-case scenario and explore questions like, ‘how bad can it really be? What if that happens? What can you do about it?’ That mindset has impacted my ability to adapt and flex and pivot.” Additionally, Runyon points to emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and the ability to see things from multiple perspectives as aspects of coaching that she continues to apply in her day-to-day life.

Runyon is also quick to acknowledge the impact coaching has had on her personally, having experienced its benefits not just as a practitioner, but as a client.

“In 2019, I was completely burnt out between juggling work, young kids, and being on two nonprofit boards. I met with Nicki for coffee, and she saw right away that I was miserable. She coached me for six months and helped me see how my mindset wasn’t serving me. She helped me recognize and assert that ‘no’ is a complete sentence and to give myself space to figure out what I needed next. It was a pivotal moment where coaching was critical.”

Grounded by Growth

As Runyon looks to the future, she acknowledges that her path is still unfolding. “I’m still trying to find my way,” she notes. “I’m challenging myself in new ways to give me clarity.”

Today, her focus is less on chasing traditional career milestones and more on creating lasting impact, especially through her family. “My biggest goal is to raise good human beings,” she emphasizes. “If I can give my kids the learnings I’ve had — to take risks, to not be afraid of failure, to stay true to themselves, then that’s success.”

Outside of work, Runyon continues to pursue growth on her own terms. What started as a personal challenge to swim a mile, a skill she once disliked, has grown into training for a sprint triathlon. “I’m trying to stretch myself, to do hard things, and to keep learning,” she says. She also set a goal two years ago to visit all 50 states by the time she turned 50, a milestone she will complete this summer.

Setting ambitious goals, inside and outside of work, is part of how Runyon continues to evolve. As she puts it, “It’s about progress, not perfection…You’re in charge of your own journey. You’re in charge of your own path. Just live your life.”

By Jessica Robaire

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Attachment Styles: What Are They, and Why Do They Matter in the Workplace?

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attachment stylesEver wonder why some colleagues check in all the time while others seem impossible to get ahold of? The answer might be deeper than you think.

Maria is frustrated with her new employee, Kai. While Kai is talented and personable, he often avoids direct communication, is slow to respond to emails or messages, and seems uncomfortable with feedback or accountability. He tends to shut down when conversations become even mildly confrontational and frequently deflects responsibility by making excuses for missed deadlines. Although he’s likable, he keeps a noticeable emotional distance from the team and avoids collaborative tasks when possible. Maria wishes he would be more like her other report, Jayden, who is consistently dependable and proactive. She finds herself wondering: why people are, well, the way they are? And more importantly, is there anything she can do as a manager that would lead to Kai feeling more connected and improve his work habits?

Though many factors can contribute to a person’s actions, a psychological framework called attachment theory may help to explain the bigger picture. The idea is that every person forms an attachment style in early childhood, and what that style is can affect their outlook and behaviors forever. Our relationship dynamics begin the moment we are born. And the way we form attachments to our earliest caregivers can affect our relationships into adulthood; they make up what I call our “relationship operating model.”

What does attachment look like for young children? Consider Mary Ainsworth’s “strange situation test.” For this study, a mother leaves her child with a stranger in a toy-filled room. Securely attached children initially show distress, but resume playing happily when their mother returns. Anxiously attached children initially welcome their mother’s return, then become uncertain, alternating between seeking closeness to her and playing with toys. Avoidantly attached children either continue playing as if nothing happened or actively avoid their mother upon her return.

But how does this affect the workplace? Well, the secure, anxious, and avoidantly attached behaviors demonstrated in this study can be traced directly to our adult, professional lives. An employee’s attachment style affects not only our relationships with coworkers, but also influences our ability to successfully complete tasks.

Ainsworth’s study demonstrates the importance of a “secure base.” She found that when the securely attached child’s mother was present, the child could confidently explore their strange environment. Having a secure base allows us to take well-considered risks and be creative, knowing we can rely on that foundation to support and guide us as we explore new and innovative ideas. In the workplace, if you have a secure relationship with your business partner or colleague, you are more likely to innovate than if you have an anxious or avoidant relationship with them. This phenomenon has been called the “dependency paradox.” When you feel you can depend on others, you are more likely to act independently. Furthermore, secure attachments with others in the workplace often result in greater creative longevity. Secure relationships can be an antidote to burnout.

On the other hand, if you feel like you can’t depend on your colleagues, you might avoid communicating with them or even interacting with them. This avoidance may result in difficulties getting buy-in or assistance when needed.

Researchers link attachment style to how we communicate with others. Those with an anxious attachment style tend to over-communicate. They feel the need to constantly check in, are hyper-aware of others’ emotions, and tend to think others view them negatively. Anxious employees are also extremely sensitive to the feedback they receive, and they strongly desire affirmation.

On the other hand, those who fall more under the avoidant category tend to under-communicate. They don’t ask for help when they need it, don’t consult with others prior to making major decisions, and don’t regularly inquire about how others are doing. They are less likely to trust others, including their leaders.

Both anxious and avoidant leaders tend to have more difficulties with delegating work than securely attached leaders. Those with an anxious attachment style are often ineffective at delegating because they fear that relinquishing control could lead to disapproval, make them seem less valuable, or even jeopardize the relationship—fears rooted in a deep need for reassurance and connection. In contrast, those with an avoidant attachment style are often unable to delegate because they struggle with trusting others.

But there is hope! One interesting study found that when the participants were prompted to recall a secure relationship, they were less likely to disengage their sense of morality when they encountered an ethically challenging situation. If simply recalling a secure relationship can have such a profound impact on behavior, consider the potential impact of working to adapt your relationship operating model.

Both anxious and avoidant leaders affect the workplace by making it feel less stable, secure, and safe for their employees and their business partners. But research has found that the inverse is true—a leader’s consistent support helps employees feel more secure. Secure leaders are much more likely to support the development of their employees and encourage more positive work behaviors within the company.

Remember: an avoidant or anxious attachment style is not a “sentence” to a challenged life. If you are self-aware and can actively work to heal the attachment ruptures from childhood, it’s possible to create a new outlook on life. Positive relationships characterized by secure attachments later in life can lead to positive outcomes, where we heal and can become better versions of ourselves. Your attachment style can have a direct effect on your employees’ and business partners’ perceptions of how consistently you will be there for them. They want to know they can depend on you.

By: Dr. Karen Bridbord is a licensed psychologist and organizational psychology expert who merges psychological insights with lessons learned from more than two decades of leadership consulting. Her book, The Relationship-Driven Leader: Strengthening Connections to Enhance Productivity and Wellness at Work (April 8, 2025) reveals how strong workplace relationships can enhancing organizational excellence and employee well-being. She lives in New York.

(Guest Contribution: The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

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Christine McIntyre: Chief Financial Officer, Raftelis

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Christine McIntyre“When you reach the C-suite, you understand that you’re not supposed to know everything. You’re not meant to have every skill,” says Christine McIntyre. “What really matters is building a team with those skills and knowing how to identify and leverage their strengths to get the right things done.”

McIntyre shares how pivotal choices, purpose-driven work, and a commitment to self-awareness shaped her path to CFO. Through coaching and experience, she’s learned that great leadership starts with knowing yourself and knowing how to assemble the right mix of talent and tools to be effective.

From Investment Banker to CFO

“It’s been a winding road, one I never could have predicted,” McIntyre says of her path to CFO. A psychology major, she started out in Bank of America’s Executive Compensation group, but a well-timed connection soon pulled her into investment banking. This launched her 15-year career in public finance, where her clients were state and local governments.

Despite the excitement and pace of investment banking, something was missing. “Public finance never really captured me. It felt like the same type of deal over and over again,” she reflects. That growing disconnect led her to take a bold step: leaving investment banking to become Director of Finance at a water utility in Alexandria, Virginia. “At the time, I saw it as a step to eventually get away from the public sector work,” she says. “But instead, I fell in love with it.”

Working closely with the city she lived in, McIntyre found deep satisfaction in seeing the direct impact of her work, like financing a massive environmental project in historic Alexandria. When the utility’s CFO departed, McIntyre stepped up, eventually earning the role officially. “It was my first time as CFO and my first time on an executive leadership team — it was a tremendous experience.”

A desire to be closer to family during the pandemic brought her back to North Carolina, and after months of commuting, McIntyre landed what she knew instantly was the right next step. Now as CFO at Raftelis, she has found the perfect intersection of private-sector leadership and public-sector impact. “It’s the same client base I worked with in investment banking – cities, counties, utilities – but now I get to blend strategic leadership with direct project work, which keeps me grounded in what our clients really need.”

Natural Instincts, Sharpened with Coaching

McIntyre describes herself as a driven, energetic leader, someone who moves fast, gets things done, and brings enthusiasm to every challenge. “In some ways, leadership comes naturally to me. I’m a very hard-driving, direct person,” she says. “That kind of energy has been appreciated by my employers.”

However, she is also quick to acknowledge that leadership is not just about instinct, but rather it is a craft she has worked to refine over time. “There is a lot about leadership I had to learn,” she admits. “I’ve worked with several executive coaches throughout my career, and each one has helped me grow in different ways.”

One pivotal experience came during her time at the Alexandria utility, where the organization was preparing for a major CEO transition. A leadership coach was brought in to support the executive team, and the timing could not have been better.

“The coaching relationship was incredibly helpful. It taught me how to use my strengths, but also how to soften my edges,” she reflects. “Particularly in the public sector, I had to learn to slow down and take everyone else on the journey.”

She continues, “I’m a big proponent of coaching. Everyone has blind spots. It’s not about changing who you are, it’s about understanding your tendencies and adjusting to the context you’re working in.”

Leading Beyond Your Expertise

McIntyre sees strong leadership not as a matter of having every skill, but of understanding where you need support and how to get it. “Now that I’m further along in my career, I don’t feel the same pressure to know everything, I’ve learned to take that weight off my shoulders.”

McIntyre applies that mindset to building teams and networks. “I’m not a traditional CFO in the sense that I don’t have an accounting background. When tough accounting questions come up, I don’t pretend to know it all. I focus on finding the right resources.” In one instance, recognizing a gap in deep expertise of government accounting, she sourced a specialist through a consulting firm. “Having someone I could call made all the difference.”

Rather than defaulting to solving everything internally, McIntyre believes smart outsourcing is often the more strategic and cost-effective choice.

“Our water utility was small, so we outsourced a lot, and it was hugely beneficial. Some companies think it’s cheaper or more efficient to handle everything internally, but that’s not always the case. There are highly specialized tasks where it makes more sense to pay a consultant for 100 hours of work than to hire a full-time employee. I’ve brought that same approach to my role as CFO of Raftelis.”

McIntyre advocates for creating a roster of experts through intentional networking, actively seeking out specialists who can offer support when needed.

“If we use a certain software, I’ll seek out someone in my industry who uses it too. Those connections are gold because we can help each other in ways no one else can.”

Whether it’s tapping into external networks, attending user conferences to meet industry peers, or outsourcing specialized work, McIntyre sees her role as assembling the right mix of talent and tools. “I see myself as a resource manager and that’s a big part of what makes me effective in my role.”

Advice for Navigating Your Career

When offering advice to those a few years into their careers, McIntyre stresses the importance of not getting so caught up in the daily grind that you lose sight of the bigger picture. “It’s important to remember that your career and your job are two different things. Whether you are happy in your current job or not, you always want to think about your broader career trajectory outside of the present position,” she explains.

Building and maintaining connections, she notes, is essential for staying aware of opportunities.

“Keep up with LinkedIn and go to networking events. Don’t get so heads-down focused on being successful in your current job that you don’t also build connections outside in industry groups and peer groups.”

McIntyre also encourages professionals to remain open to unexpected opportunities rather than adhering to a rigid career path.

“There are many times where you can make lateral moves or jump to a different sector and surprise yourself,” she says. “Earlier in my career, I was too narrow in my thinking about what I was capable of, when in reality, I could do so much more than I gave myself credit for.”

Where Purpose Meets Impact

McIntyre draws inspiration from the mission-driven people she’s worked with, especially the bold, principled women in public service. “They could be doing anything with their talents, but they choose local government because they care about their community,” she says.

That sense of purpose fuels her work. From financing capital projects to leading infrastructure initiatives, she’s energized by the tangible impact. “When it’s actually happening in your community, especially a big, transformative project with environmental benefits, it’s even more exciting.”

Now, as CFO of Raftelis, McIntyre continues to see that connection firsthand. Whether it’s Baltimore, Philadelphia, or a smaller municipality, the projects Raftelis supports – often centered on clean water, infrastructure, and long-term planning – tie directly to community well-being. “We help communities figure out how to pay for it all and keep their bills affordable enough that their customers can manage them.”

That sense of purpose extends beyond work. To sustain the energy she brings to her role, McIntyre prioritizes self-care and mental clarity. “I bring a lot of enthusiasm and energy to what I do, and I can’t really turn it off,” she says. “But I know that if I keep it up all the time, I’ll burn out.” A longtime hot yoga devotee, she carves out time each week for practice and once a year, she attends a retreat, often unplugging for days at a time. “After about two days without screens your thinking hits a different level,” she says. “It gives me a broader perspective on my life without all the little distractions.”

By Jessica Robaire

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