personal developmentIn the ever-changing world of work, it’s essential to continually develop your skills in order to stay ahead of the competition and further your career. This is particularly relevant following the recent evolution of remote working, as new skills are required to operate efficiently. However, the reality is that up to 35% of workers have never sought out training on their own.

Fortunately, there are many ways to begin your personal development journey and stay ahead of the trends. In this article, we cover several different methods of personal development to help you find the best fit.

Undertake training courses

Although personal development isn’t exclusive to training courses, they remain an effective way to pick up new skills. You can find all kinds of courses for almost any area of development, ranging from job-specific to more general soft skills such as communication.

To know which type of training would be most beneficial to you specifically, look at your performance review feedback and your personal goals to see which areas you need to buff up. Especially if you work in a competitive industry, it’s well worth doing your research and staying up to date with emerging trends and technologies that you could learn to help keep you at the front of the pack. If you’re not sure, then make sure to follow some industry leaders on social media, and see what skills they’re displaying that you’re not.

Finding and embarking on a training course is easier than ever in the modern age of remote learning. There’s no longer a need to travel in order to upskill yourself, making it more accessible and convenient. Completing the course remotely also tends to make it a lot cheaper, owing to the typical venue overhead costs being eliminated.

Set achievable goals

Setting goals provides a sense of direction and purpose, motivating workers to focus on their priorities. When setting goals, it’s important to ensure that they’re achievable amongst other things. Using the SMART method can help with this, standing for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

Ask yourself what it is that you want to achieve in order to further your personal development. Once you’ve decided on your target areas of improvement, use that to formulate goals following the SMART method. This can really help to break down a seemingly big task into smaller, more manageable steps.

Use an executive coach

An executive coach is a specialist dedicated to your own personal development. Their industry experience means they’re able to provide clients with detailed advice specific to their own situation. This kind of customized plan is invaluable when it comes to self-improvement, as your coach will be able to help you quickly identify areas of improvement and provide you with tips on how to tackle them.

Be sure to also ask your employer about mentorship opportunities, as they may be able to assign you to someone within the company to help your progress and expand your professional skills. Perhaps you’re interested in learning more about a different department, or leadership skills to help you climb the ladder of success. Being active and seeking new learning opportunities is a great way to show your employer you take your professional progression seriously.

(If you would like to be coached by the founder of theglasshammer, please email nicki@theglasshammer.com or book an exploratory session.)

Learn something new every day

Keeping your brain active can be done in many different ways, and you shouldn’t only focus on work-based learning. Reading regularly, whether it’s fiction or nonfiction, exercises your brain and makes you better able to absorb knowledge, improves cognitive function, enhances memory and enriches your vocabulary. These skills are beneficial not just for personal evolution but will also go a long way to furthering your professional pursuits.

From listening to podcasts to learning a new hobby, cooking, or just socializing with new people, there are plenty of ways to enrich your brain and learn new skills to help your professional development.

Work on your existing skills

No matter your industry, there is always room for improvement within your existing skill set. You might think you’re an expert on your current tools, but quite often there are ways to further optimize your work.

Think about what your typical day consists of and do some research on the tools you use the most often. Sometimes something as simple as watching a quick video online can provide you with new shortcuts or ideas, but if you’re looking for more in-depth knowledge, consider reaching out to a coworker or friend that’s familiar with the tool.

You might find that you can both learn things from each other that can help to make you more productive. As the saying goes, knowledge is power, so make sure you’re taking the time to invest in yourself.

By: Kathleen White, who works as an independent business analyst for several small businesses. She completed her degree in Business and Management. She enjoys writing in her spare time to share what she has learned, in hopes of benefiting other businesses.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

Kelley Conway“Part of a leadership vision includes incorporating a learning curve in how you get there. None of us are always right and we’re all going to make mistakes as we go along,” says Kelley Conway. “But the objective is still the right objective. You’ve got to move and learn along the way how to best make it where you want to go.”

The Reward of Impact

With a love for science and math, Conway studied chemical engineering before opting against a PhD and career path that she feels wouldn’t have fit her. Animated by interaction, problem-solving and dynamic impact, she found herself drawn to consultancy in tech strategy. Picking up an MBA, she then moved into digital transformation in financial services.

After twenty years of consulting a wide variety of top-tier clients, Conway was ready to steward her strategic work through to impact, recruited to lead the charge on accelerating digital strategy at Northern Trust in Chicago in January 2021. She appreciated the ability to sit down with Chairman and CEO Michael O’Grady and co-create the vision for her role: “That’s how it ended up a as a corporate and digital strategy role. Because we saw that you can’t really separate those anymore.”

Conway considers the move her best career decision to date and a culmination of everything she’s done so far.

“Nobody can look at their life and say every single day they get up in the morning radiant, right? That’s just a lie,” she half-jokes. “But even if I’m in a funk, I feel better going to work. I can feel the excitement, movement and momentum in leading impact with the talent all around me.”

“Digital For a Purpose”

With her consulting background, Conway has put a framework around the amorphous concept of “digital” to create “digital for a purpose” and drive outcomes. She defines the five layers of digital as the user experience, insight & analytics, the data that serves as the linchpin to everything — the underlying platform including cloud, and the ways of working. The challenge is ensuring all these components work together to drive real outcomes.

Conway says that when Google Maps points out the “world’s biggest potato” when you’re on a road trip, that’s an outcome of AI insight built on massive data collection, making user specific connections to know you might want to see that potato. While we benefit from the end-user experience, most of us don’t understand all the invisible – and extensive – work that has created it.

She is specifically excited about leading the charge on a data modernization program that is “democratizing” data across Northern Trust. By applying a data mesh construct, she is helping make data accessible to end users where it can drive significant business outcomes. Now, more people are also thinking and talking the language of data in effective ways that will transform the business and help to partner with clients on the innovations that matter to them.

“One of the things I have learned during my career is that communicating progress to senior leadership is a key component of this journey, and candidly I’m still working on that,” says Conway. “You have to show people iterative outcomes so they know you’re building a vision that will take us to the future.”

Humility and Passion

Growing up outside of Pittsburgh, Conway’s parents were blue collar workers in the steel mill. She learned the value of hard work, being practical and moving with humility as you put energy behind your vision. One form of humility she learned was maximizing the resources at your disposal while you have them.

“Consider the macro-economic environment we’re living in right now – high inflation and recession. Resources are always limited or going up and down,” notes Conway. “So how can you be practical? How can you actually prioritize to get the most out of the resources?”

Another form of humility is staying surrounded by people that are more knowledgeable than you in their field of expertise.

“I want people around me who know more and can see different things. The amount that I know is a lot less than the amount that I don’t know,” says Conway. “That diversity of thought and knowledge gets us to better solutions.”

Conway is genuinely passionate about tech, and conveys a sincere belief in the power of technology to transform organizations.

“Sometimes leadership requires seeing a path, charting the path and having the confidence to take that path. Sure it might be risky but we’re convinced it will accelerate our progress,” says Conway. “As a leader, my job is to communicate that vision with enthusiasm and authenticity, supported by leadership and an amazing team.”

She’s a big fan of taking measured risks amidst uncertainty of outcome, because the alternative is not learning and not growing: “You may not know if this is going to work, but you can see it’s the best thing you can try. And if you don’t try, you don’t get anything,” notes Conway.

Leveraging Your Difference

When Conway made partner at the consulting firm years ago, a junior woman told her she was an inspiration, which both surprised and emboldened her.

“I’ve now taken that in two directions. One is I recognize the broader responsibility and think about how to help individuals succeed. And secondly, I take advantage of that uniqueness in the room, and that confidence is something that has come with experience and wisdom.”

Conway has three children, 17 and 15 year old sons and a 2 1/2 year old daughter. With a form of dwarfism called achondroplasia, her oldest son is 4’6”. She’s always told him that he will not go unnoticed in the world, so he can futilely try to blend into the woodwork or he can leverage the opportunity of his uniqueness to move forward. Early on, she was also the woman in tech in the corner trying to blend in, when that was always impossible. Now, she’s embraced owning her difference to get her message across stronger.

On the note of leaning into your voice, Conway says her little girl has “a will on her like nobody’s business” which she takes pride in: “She’s impossible and stubborn and I refuse to squash that,” says Conway, “because I know exactly what she’s going to face in her life and I want that to be there.”

Her approach to working motherhood has evolved. When her sons were little, she put her career above everything and their dad was highly supportive. At that time, she believed she had to choose family or career. With her little daughter now, her approach has changed.

“I prioritize making time with her more, yet I still have the same passion for my career. I’m still making the change I want. I realized you can actually find balance,” says Conway, who comes into the office early and leaves early. “There are trade-offs, but it’s not that you can either have this or that. I have an incredibly supportive team and I’ve learned to take a much more balanced view of my life.”

Leadership that Inspires and Empowers

“I am very much a believer in leaders who empower their teams versus control their teams. I don’t appreciate command-and-control leaders. That stifles innovation and digital and everything I love,” says Conway. “I’ve had managers who are caring and give you all the room in the world and that helped me.”

Aspiring to lead that way, she also looks for the traits of humility and empowering others in the people she will work with. Conway recalls she had the opportunity to inspire and empower her team.

While there was hesitation around whether they had the talent in place as they set off into data modernization, she could see the potential in the talent already there. So she focused on bringing the team into the vision, animating them in learning and developing team passion around it. She saw her job as removing the roadblocks and then watching as her team moved faster than she had imagined. In general, Conway has many times heard from others that the problem is too complex, but she’s not one to “pack her bags and go home” just because things are difficult and it’s going to take innovative team approaches to navigate the terrain.

Climbing Higher

Conway underlines the importance of agency amidst requests for support: “I’m a big believer that you control your own destiny. People will support you, but you have to also take those opportunities and drive your career. You have an onus to take responsibility for your career as much as the onus on those around you to support you.”

Conway is an avid mountaineer, although she is pausing on that activity until her daughter is a bit older. She’s climbed Mont Blanc, Mount Ararat and Mount Kilimanjaro. She’s ice-climbed in Patagonia and broken 20,000 feet in Nepal, having gone to Everest base camp and Mount Mera. She is eyeing the challenge of Aconcagua in Argentina.

When climbing, she says, “everything shuts off. You’re working towards a goal. Sometimes it’s a slog, but you pick your head up and it’s this amazing spiritual sensation,” she muses. “That’s what rejuvenates me. A career can provide that same experience. Digital modernization can be a long, incremental process, so you have to stop sometimes and appreciate the amazing progress you’ve made.”

By Aimee Hansen

Amy PorterfieldThe meeting that catalyzed me to become my own boss feels like it happened yesterday.

I was working as the director of content development for peak performance coach Tony Robbins and was called into a meeting. Online education was just starting to take off, and Tony had invited some of the most successful entrepreneurs in this space to come in and share their experiences.

These men — and they were all men — had hugely successful digital courses, online membership programs, and mastermind groups. We were exploring how we could add this strategy to our business.

My job was to sit there quietly and take notes. And since women hold only 8.2% of CEO roles, this dynamic didn’t seem unnatural to what I was used to. But as I was taking notes, everything started to change for me.

I realized I wanted a seat at the table, not just near it. I wanted to be a part of changing statistics like the global gender pay gap – currently estimated to be 16%, meaning women earn an average of 84 cents for every dollar men earn.

And finally, I realized I wanted to be part of the 12 million women-owned businesses in the US that generate over $1.8 trillion in revenue and employ over 9.4 million people.

So I decided to start my journey towards these desires right then and there in the meeting. I paid close attention to what these powerful business owners were sharing, and today, I want to pass along three lessons I learned to help you build the business – and life – of your dreams, too.

1. It is possible to design your life on your own terms.

As I listened to those entrepreneurs talk about their businesses, I realized something that changed how I thought about my career path. These men were all in different industries but had one thing in common: freedom. They weren’t hitting the glass ceiling. They weren’t asking for permission. They were taking charge of their own destiny.

Without knowing it, women let outside forces shape their destinies all the time. Just look at the latest PitchBook data showing how startups with all-women teams receive a mere 1.9% of the 238.3 billion dollars of venture capital awarded each year.

But these men… in this meeting? They were calling the shots and not waiting for someone to give them a green light on their business ideas.

They were achieving business success while designing a life on their own terms. And I wanted to do that too.

For me, the answer was to build my own business and be my own boss. I wanted to do work I loved and do it how, when, and where I chose. That would be designing life on my own terms.

When I started exploring what life on my own terms looked like,
 I remember reaching out to a business owner and boldly asking:

 “I know you don’t offer this as a service, but could I pay you for an hour to ask how you built your business?” 



She said yes, and I spent that hour under my desk whispering into the phone as she broke down steps to get started, how to align a business with personal values, and how she brought her vision to life on her terms.

It wasn’t glamorous, but it was just what I needed.

She could have said no, and if that happens to you, I want you to look at that “no” as bringing you one step closer to a “yes.” Keep reaching out and asking people for advice. Eventually, a door will open.

And mentors like this don’t have to come in the form of a person, either. Books like Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert showed me how my ideas were a big enough deal that I could build a business around them.

The message she shares in the book about how you can either go all in and share your gifts with the world, or dismiss them, resonated with me and served as the kick in the pants I needed to get crystal clear on how I wanted to impact the world.

A life designed on your terms might look different than mine. That’s the beautiful thing: You have the power to choose your path. 

And once you do, I encourage you to find a mentor to guide you as you walk down it toward your dream life!

2. Your existing knowledge and skills are more valuable than you think.

As I listened to the men in that boardroom talk about the online courses they were selling, I took note of their success. Each one had taught hundreds or even thousands of students, creating a massive impact in their field. From dating advice to real estate investing, they were transforming lives. It was truly inspiring.

I also took note of what they didn’t say. None of them talked about investing years and years into certification and education before they created their first course. They didn’t go back to school to earn a business degree before they launched. They weren’t wracked with fear about staying on top of their game.

In fact, whether you’re starting your own business or applying for a new job, this seems to be a common theme. A Hewlett Packard report found that while men apply for a job if they meet only 60% of the qualifications, women tend to apply only if they meet 100%. That stops now – you know enough to take the first step!

Your knowledge today has enormous value if you share it with the right audience. Whether you are starting an online education business of your own or continuing a professional career, the key is to look for places where you have a 10 percent edge.

If you are at least 10 percent ahead of those you serve, you can lead the way. In fact, it’s sometimes easier to lead when you aren’t too far out in front.

3. Boss traps are a barrier to success.

The third thing I noted during the meeting was that these highly successful entrepreneurs had faced their share of problems. Yes, a professional career comes with challenges. But becoming your own boss isn’t always smooth sailing either.

As I started my own business, I discovered that many of the traps you fall into as a boss stem from “demoting” yourself and not embracing the full scope of your role. You may experience some of these in your career as well. For example, one of the most common boss traps is falling prey to superwoman syndrome and trying to do everything yourself.

A study by the U.S. Bureau Of Labor Statistics found that 20% of businesses failed within the first year, and I believe many are due to superwoman syndrome.

There are so many stories of entrepreneurs who had to learn this lesson the hard way, from Arianna Huffington, the co-founder of The Huffington Post, to Sophia Amoruso, founder of Nasty Gal.

In 2007, after launching the news site, Huffington became consumed by the demands of running the business and regularly worked 18-hour days. In 2007, she collapsed from exhaustion and hit her head, resulting in a broken cheekbone and stitches.

This experience prompted her to reassess her priorities and make changes in her life and work. She stepped down as editor-in-chief of The Huffington Post in 2016 and launched Thrive Global, a company focused on wellness and reducing burnout.

Huffington has since spoken about the importance of taking care of oneself and avoiding the trap of “superwoman syndrome” in order to be successful in business.

Sophia Amoruso is another example of a founder falling into the “superwoman syndrome” trap. She launched the online clothing retailer Nasty Gal in 2006 as an eBay store and grew it into a successful brand with over $100 million in annual revenue.

However, Amoruso took on too much work herself and ultimately experienced burnout. In 2015, Amoruso stepped down as CEO of Nasty Gal after the company filed for bankruptcy.

She has since gone on to start a new company, Girlboss, which aims to provide resources and a community for women entrepreneurs. Amoruso has spoken publicly about the lessons she learned from her experience with Nasty Gal, including the importance of delegation and self-care in avoiding burnout.

I tell you these stories not to discourage you, rather, to remind you that none of us magically wake up one morning feeling like a “boss babe” from Instagram. It takes time, experience, and a willingness to change to become a leader who can live life on her terms.

You absolutely deserve to get there. And along the way, don’t forget to take off your superwoman cape and ask for help so you can bring people along for this incredible journey you’re starting! 

It’s like the legendary leader John Maxwell says, “Leadership doesn’t involve being ‘lonely at the top.’ If you’re at the top of a mountain alone, you’re not a leader, you’re a hiker.”

Dream big, but don’t stop with a dream. As quickly as possible, take a step toward that dream. Action creates clarity, and clarity will propel you to more action.

Don’t wait. I know you’ve got this.

Amy Porterfield teaches eight best-selling courses that empower women across the globe to take their futures into their own hands. She hosts the top-ranked marketing podcast Online Marketing Made Easy and author of the new book, Two Weeks Notice: Find the Courage to Quit Your Job, Make More Money, Work Where You Want, and Change the World.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

Geneviève Piché - feature“Many people have idea ‘sparks,’ small or large, and too many people squash their sparks. But it’s with those sparks that you can improve organizations and improve yourself,” says Geneviève Piché. “It could be as small as a change in process or as massive as complete transformation. Being able to embrace the spark is the essence of organizational and personal development.”

After studying economics and international studies at Macalester College, Piché joined Wells Fargo. That was 23 years ago. As a French Canadian who briefly lived in Australia growing up and chose a college with an international bend, Piché cultivated a wide world lens. At Wells Fargo, her international passion was flamed as she moved into emerging markets and finance. It’s become critical in her sustainability work, where ethics, global and regional dynamics are inextricably linked.

The diversity of opportunities and organizational culture at WF have supported her to stay inspired and grow. She recently returned from a two-week trip focused on understanding sustainability and energy transition in the Asia-Pacific region.

From “Idea Spark” To New Strategy And Role

“Embrace the sparks because they can catalyze organizational progress and develop careers,” iterates Piché. Back in May of 2020, she experienced an idea spark “that turned into a raging fire.”

Piché was leading the asset management coverage team and many of her clients were changing the way they allocated capital – moving towards ESG integration in the investment process and raising funds for specific thematic objectives – such as green infrastructure or circular economy.

“I could see there was a business need for a financial institution like ours to support those growing flows of capital, but simultaneously there were some interesting socio-economic developments happening,” recalls Piché.

Covid had revealed weaknesses in the supply chains and laid bare the unequal access to healthcare. Social justice themes had been brought to the forefront. Massive fires had been burning in Australia, consuming millions of acres of eucalyptus forest and wild lands, reminding Piché of a childhood experience at a farm where she was tending to the burnt paws of baby koalas who were fleeing or rescued from the fires.

“That was the first time I witnessed the interactions of climate change and biodiversity in my community, and it stuck with me. Now, the effects of climate change are spread way beyond Australia,” she says. “So it was a galvanizing moment for me that occurred at the same time as a call-to-action on the part of Wells Fargo leadership, when many leaders were saying we needed to do something differently and that they were all ears for ideas.”

So with the momentum of her spark and a receptive context, Piché developed a business strategy for Wells Fargo’s Corporate & Investment Banking division (CIB) around sustainable finance within ten days. Next was nurturing that spark.

“Having been at Wells Fargo for so long, I understood how things work intuitively. But for those who may be newer to an organization, knowing who understands the unwritten rules is an important part of networking,” she says. “Observe those people sitting at the right tables who communicate in a way that you like and get looped into email discussions. It’s important for career development to identify those strong and competent organizational players, even if you don’t exactly know the ropes.”

Along with knowing how things work, utilizing sponsors and mentors was also essential to fueling the spark. Piché ran the strategy across a sponsor who had organizational savvy but was not in her direct reporting line.

“First, it gave me the confidence that my idea was directionally correct because that person did their own research, too. It also allowed me to navigate our organizational structure to get the idea in the right place in the right way to build buy-in among leadership teams,” she notes.

After a couple of months and some refining, she received the call to leave her role as head of asset management and begin the new role she’d proposed.

Sustainability is a Win-Win

When it comes to a legacy of impact, and especially on Earth Day, Piché wants to convey the message that sustainability is a win-win for organizations, not a win-lose or compromise.

“Sustainability and climate efforts are about value creation. They are not check-the-box exercises. It’s about developing strategies that can drive value for companies while making the world a better place,” she says. “With a financial institution like Wells Fargo, we have a very big megaphone because we talk to so many different constituents and millions of customers, so I want people to be able to acknowledge and understand that developing strategies around environmental practices and social practices are extremely beneficial to companies in the long-term and in the short-term.”

She continues, “Once we are able to understand that, we will be more able to effectively unlock impact, drive large-scale change, support the industrial transformation that’s underway, and elevate and provide opportunities to those who have historically had fewer.”

Aligning Your Personality to the Role

Piché prefers to be a generalist who does many things at once – even picking two majors instead of one, and realizing that has helped.

“There are certain jobs that require you to be focused and narrow. Today, I know those jobs do not suit my personality. Roles that are broader and more entrepreneurial do,” she says. “One of the reasons I love my role now is that it’s rich in content, themes and opportunities and has many facets to the work. It allows me to juggle many things all at once and play to my strengths.”

Before she realized what job roles matched her, Piché would often supplement more narrowly-focused roles with side initiatives and projects or looking to travel to provide diversification. Perhaps only with the benefit of hindsight has she realized this, because when in a less-suited role you may normalize the feeling.

“But when you have the right job, you look forward to waking up in the morning. You’re excited about the people you’re working with and the work,” she says. “I often encourage people to think about their personalities and learning styles in finding the right role. Are you drawn to multiple threads of thoughts and projects? Do you like to travel far and wide but more shallow, or to go deep and seek real expertise in one particular area?”

Piché has further compatibility advice for people evaluating their first job or next opportunity: “It’s really important that you choose those opportunities based on the people that you will work with more so than the job itself,” she says. “Because I find the people that you are surrounded with are the defining characteristics of your experience. Developing a particular job skill is cumulative, but you want people who will support you on that journey and who inspire you.”

Piché also warns against burning those bridges. “I have found that my career path has wound in many different directions and people keep coming back into my life professionally. We say ‘don’t burn your bridges’ but really what that means is always be respectful and kind to the people who you work with. Be transparent and authentic and do your best,” she says. “When you do that, you manage those relationships and it can be that they keep on giving and building upon themselves as you progress in life.”

The Power of Storytelling

As she has become more senior, Piché’s love of writing, ability to communicate powerfully and storytelling have become greater strengths. It’s what helped to create her role. Another expression is the quarterly newsletter she sends to all Wells Fargo CIB employees to inspire and engage them in the sustainability initiative.

“Storytelling in a business context can be extremely compelling in driving leadership buy-in. It’s a great leadership skill when you can tell stories that are relatable and demonstrate expertise and thoughtfulness and authenticity,” she says. “On the flip side, great storytelling is also important in our customer relationships. What is the client looking for and what is the most compelling thing they are interested in? It’s really important to tell a story that is both quantitatively and qualitatively justified and compelling.”

Choosing to Plant Where You Can Thrive

“In the first ten years of my life, I had a very strong impression that organizations were meritocratic. Now, we understand there’s a tremendous amount of unconscious and institutional bias in all organizations, and it’s perhaps not so meritocratic beneath the surface,” she says. “There’s a lot that is challenging women’s careers and the careers of people of different backgrounds.”

At various times in her life, Piché has seen entrenched social networks that permeate professional life and make it challenging to navigate. She never doubted her competence, but it was evident some situations were more conducive to her success than others.

Those experiences underlined the importance of DEI, because breaking down institutional social barriers does not happen overnight, even in an organization where it is happening. These days, she is absolutely thriving in the broader context of sustainability where she interacts with all walks of life, geographies, races and ethnicities, while enjoying the work and feeling empowered.

Positive Impact in Every Sphere of Life

Piché wishes to impact positively in five areas: work, motherhood, partnership, self and friendship.

From weekend art challenges to bike rides to trips to school and bedtime stories, she loves creating special moments with her eight year old son. She intentionally nurtures her relationship with her husband through regular date nights. As a family, they enjoy collecting junior ranger badges through visits to U.S. national parks while building experience and knowledge around the natural and historical patrimony.

To care for herself, she does things she loves to do – whether playing music (the piano), cooking, reading or taking hikes. Also while she may have less to extend at times, she values being a thoughtful friend to the people in her life that need support.

Similarly, Piché leads her work teams authentically and transparently while demonstrating passion, enthusiasm and competence. And laughter.

“I think when you demonstrate those traits, it empowers teams and individuals to do the same. Then you have much higher performing teams and make a greater impact on people’s individual careers and sense of feeling inspired,” she says. “As leaders in the corporate world, if we can have positive impact on people’s well-being and joy and have a positive impact in the world, then I think we’ve accomplished something pretty awesome.”

By Aimee Hansen

Laura Gassner OttingDuring a two decade career in executive search, it was my job to call the most successful people in the world and recruit them away on behalf of my clients. They were successful, which is why I was calling them. But despite all this success, they weren’t very happy, which is why they were calling me back. Over time, I became fascinated with the question, “Why doesn’t success equal happiness?”

One reason stood out: Most of us were handed a definition of success by someone else. In other words, when we were younger, someone – perhaps a parent, a teacher, a friend, even a celebrity – told us who we should be when we grew up, and we adopted it, either consciously or subconsciously, until it became our path.

For me, there was a fourth grade teacher who told me that I was argumentative and should become a lawyer. There was a grandmother who wanted me to marry a nice Jewish doctor. There was the boss who wanted me to maximize his profit margin. For each of these people, I jumped through hoops. And then one day, I woke up and asked myself, when all the boxes were so full, why did I still feel so empty?

Once I identified the problem, I was aghast: it was me. I was trying so hard to please everyone around me that I didn’t stop to ask myself if what I was doing was really pleasing me.

If this sounds all too familiar, you are not alone. According to a survey conducted by YouGov, “About half (49%) of Americans say they would self-identify as people-pleasers. Women (56%) are more likely than men (42%) to say they would describe themselves this way.” Psychology Today notes that people pleasing, at its roots, comes from insecurity (probably based in early childhood), a lack of confidence, and an aversion to conflict. When I wanted to get to the bottom of this, I had to look in the mirror, but I also had to look at who was surrounding me, and who I was so afraid would reject me.

“People won’t like the me I really want to be.”

I hear that a lot from individuals in my executive coaching practice who come to me when they’ve had just enough success to see a version of their increased potential that they never knew existed. I call this moment Wonderhell. It’s amazing and exciting and humbling to achieve something you didn’t think possible. But it also introduces uncertainty, doubt, impostor syndrome, and exhaustion. It’s wonder and it’s hell. It’s Wonderhell, and it’s the space in between who you were yesterday and who you just realized you can become tomorrow.

In this space, we have two choices. First, we can either continue to please the people from our yesterdays. Some of these people are incredibly helpful allies, supporters, and champions. Perhaps they love you and don’t want to see you get hurt. Perhaps they are jealous and, when they see your rise, can only reflect on their own stagnation. Perhaps they are scared and think, “You can’t do that. That’s too scary!” And what they really mean is “I can’t do that. I’m too scared.” But, what about the ones who aren’t so well meaning?

Herein lies the second choice. When we stop pleasing the people whose lack of imagination is holding back our ambitions, we can make room for the people who should populate our tomorrows. It’s not that those other people won’t like the new, real, bigger you. It’s that those people’s opinions no longer matter.

Burn That Bridge

It’s not just people in your intimate physical circle, either. The influences that compel you to please others come from social media, too.

Did you know that people with overweight friends are 57% more likely to become overweight themselves, even if those friends live on the other side of the country? Your emotional connection, not your physical proximity, is the key factor. Studies show that the behavior of your closest intimates—wherever they are—influences the way you behave.

So whether it is slacking on your diet or exercise plan, or deciding an unfulfilling career path, personal relationship or hobby, what they do becomes what you do. What they think becomes what you think. What they normalize becomes what you normalize. Which begs the question: are you pleasing people who make you better, or who make you worse?

Each time you want to run full speed into your next Wonderhell, you’ll find friction with those who aren’t going there with you. They won’t like the you that you want to become. But why let them define your success? Why should they get a vote about what or who you should be? When you grow—when your life gets bigger—you are inevitably going to outgrow the people who liked you when you were smaller.

It’s time to stop giving votes in your life to people who shouldn’t even have voices.

Laura Gassner Otting is the author of Wonderhell: Why Success Doesn’t Feel Like It Should… and What To Do About It, where she explores themes such as impostor syndrome, doubt, and burnout. She can be found everywhere @heyLGO and at LauraGassnerOtting.com.

(The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com).

Melinda Cora“I’m a firm believer in the power of personal brand. When you see a particular logo – like Apple, Starbucks or Nike – you immediately have feelings associated with that entity,” says Melinda Cora. “When someone sees my name appear on their phone or in an email, my desire has always been that the brand I’ve developed makes them want to answer my call or read my message and engage with me. My hope is that they have positive feelings and thoughts, based on my work and experiences with them.”

Carving Her Own Trajectory

Growing up in Bushwick, Brooklyn, a low-income and predominantly Hispanic and Black community, Melinda recognized the lack of resources around her (vacations often meant opening a fire hydrant on hot summer days) and how it contrasted with the untapped wealth of talent. She was motivated to carve a different trajectory for herself and recounts that one of her earliest supporters in this regard was her fifth-grade teacher, Mrs. Aievoli, who noticed Melinda’s potential and giftedness and inspired her to grow.

“She invested her time in preparing me to test for a specialized middle school. My acceptance into the school put me on a path to graduate high school at the top of my class at 16 years old,” Melinda recalls.

With hard-working Puerto Rican parents who hadn’t had the opportunity to pursue higher education, school guidance counselors who lacked the frame to point her towards scholarships, and a family mentality of avoiding debt and needing to make ends meet, she attained her associates degree in just 1.5 years before taking on a full-time role as a legal secretary at 18 years old in the M&A department of Shearman & Sterling LLC. It was in that role that Melinda began the practice of learning through observing and quickly became an asset to her team.

“I knew there was something wrong with the equation, and I wanted to be a part of making it right. We had pounds of hard labor workers in my community but a lack of role models who could demonstrate that it was possible to enter a variety of industries, and that lit a fire in me,” says Melinda. “I wanted to be able to go back years later and say, ‘I’ve had a successful career. I’ve been able to break out of this mold. And guess what? You can, too.’”

She was soon promoted to a marketing coordinator role at Shearman, before one of the lawyers she’d worked with called on her for an opportunity at Equavant. When that same lawyer again moved to Lehman Brothers, she called on Melinda again. After seven years at Lehman, where she was an operations analyst and later, a member of an alternative investment management team, Melinda was sponsored by another former colleague for a project management role at PGIM Quantitative Solutions (then known as QMA), a leading quantitative investment manager owned by PGIM, the investment management business of Prudential Financial, Inc.

“Multiple times in my career, former managers and colleagues picked up the phone and offered me some type of pivotal change,” says Melinda. “They believed in me and recognized my drive and many strengths. With each opportunity, I assessed whether it was the right, progressive next step in my career, and once I gave my ‘yes,’ I also gave those roles my all.”

Melinda knew she’d acquired the experience and network, but recognized that if it weren’t for sponsors, her lack of a bachelor’s degree may have filtered her resume out of the interviewing process: “I realized that I needed to go back to school, even though I was in my 30s,” reflects Melinda. “So, I became a full-time working wife and mother of three children—who was also earning her bachelor’s degree. I graduated Summa Cum Laude and have also taken several MBA courses to date.”

Striving For Excellence

“I appreciate that perfection is a myth. However, striving for excellence has been a driving factor for me. If it has my name attached to it, I want to do it with excellence,” says Melinda, speaking to honing her personal brand.

Nearly 15 years ago, Melinda joined QMA as a junior-level project manager and is now head of product implementation and project management at PGIM Quantitative Solutions: “It’s a dynamic role managing my team and a testament to the evolution of the body of work we coordinate within PGIM Quant,” says Melinda. “I have the privilege of working with some of the brightest individuals and leaders in our industry who I get to learn from and partner with daily. No two days are the same, and each new opportunity allows my team and me to be a part of developing new solutions.”

Melinda also serves as a role model and mentor. It’s her passion to build the power of dreaming big among youth and young adults. With HISPA (Hispanics Inspiring Students to Perform and Achieve), she speaks to middle school students in predominantly Hispanic New Jersey communities, inspiring them to believe there is space for them in the asset management industry.

Melinda is a co-founder of PGIM Quant’s Hispanic and Latino business resource group (BRG), Unidos, and a leading member of the Inclusion Council, which oversees each of PGIM Quant’s BRGs to drive meaningful results through a culture of diversity, equity and inclusion. She serves on the Latinx executive leadership team for PGIM overall. Melinda also volunteers through Junior Achievement of New Jersey, through her local church’s Girls Ministry program, and leads a young adults life group out of her home.

The Courage To Speak

Latinos are underrepresented across the finance industry at less than 10%, though they account for approximately 18% of the US population. That percentage drops significantly when accounting for senior-level Latinos in this space. Despite her Latino colleagues coming from different countries, the messages from their families and peers are often similar—like be grateful to have a job, keep your head down, and do not make big waves. Melinda says, at times, Latinos are often not outspoken enough in the workplace as a result of this common conditioning.

“I’ve often struggled with that internal tension. My perspectives and ideas are unique and valuable within the work environment, but everything in my culture tells me I shouldn’t speak up,” she reflects. “So, I’ve had the interesting dynamic of saying I am going to speak up and it’s going to be hard.”

To do this, Melinda calls on her own touchstone of living from courage: “Courage is sometimes ill-defined as ‘not being afraid’ or ‘the absence of fear.’ That’s not what it is. Courage is moving forward or speaking up, even if you are afraid,” she says. “I had to develop the courage to say I do have an idea and it is worth sharing.

Valuing Diversity of Thought

Melinda, at times, struggles with the notion of imposter syndrome, but quickly reminds herself that her lack of privilege growing up does not equate to a voice that counts less. She recognizes the importance of embracing the background that shaped her and the need to value every upbringing – even the upbringings of those who grew up in privilege.

“It’s rethinking and relearning certain things as an adult to continuously challenge yourself. We’re all learning from each other. No one has arrived at any sort of final destination and we should regularly seek opportunities to further develop,” Melinda notes.

Her early experiences shaped the way that she cultivates different perspectives as an adult: “As a child, I felt like people often didn’t care about what students in my schools thought. It was a ‘what the teacher says goes’ mentality. Even then I knew, if we’re not allowing opportunities to challenge each other, then we’re doing ourselves a disservice and missing out on diversity of thought.”

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

As a tip, Melinda discourages people pleasing: “What’s more important is developing into a trustworthy and sought-after business partner. Whether raising a difficult issue with her children’s schools or inside the four walls of PGIM, Melinda has learned that uncomfortable conversations must be braved.

“I’ve had many experiences where I felt uncomfortable raising a topic but I did it anyway, because there was merit in it,” she says. “If we’re going to have diversity of thought, then as leaders and as professionals, we have to evaluate the things that make us uncomfortable and really decipher, what is this individual trying to say? What is the goal here? Because if you believe intentions are good, you might want to tune your ear and try to better understand what is being said, versus dismissing or disqualifying it.”

Cultivating a Growth Mindset and Culture

As she’s become more senior, new challenges and greater stakes can heighten the fear of making mistakes: “I often say each product effort or project is like its own recipe,” she says. “You may have a group of people with different work styles or a different timeline. You may have different factors that lead to initiatives being diverse even when they’re similar on paper.”

Melinda embraces the idea of being a continuous learner: “We’re not going to get it right 100% of the time. So, two main factors drive my thought process. When I get something right, I celebrate the opportunity to teach. What went right? How did I get there? What was new? What defined the win?” She continues, “And then when I get something wrong, I celebrate the opportunity to learn. What didn’t go right? What can I learn from this? How can I get better? It’s important to look at mistakes as something that will help me grow and, in turn, others as well.”

Melinda looks for opportunities to convey that growth approach and reinforce it with her team members, too. She focuses on caring about people as individuals first and then supporting their career growth with the learning and opportunities to get where they want to go, in their own way and style.

“Whatever number of years and whatever season we spend together, my goal is to be that servant leader to individuals on my team,” she says. One way Melinda empowers her team, especially in the hybrid environment, is to let them decide on her attendance in meetings. This instills confidence in their abilities, while she remains available to provide guidance and be there if and when needed.

Melinda says she has gained the most from organic mentor relationships – precisely, from exposure. As a self-motivated learner, it’s not conversations, but truly watching people in action that inspires her.

“From the start of my career, the way I’ve learned from leaders is by sitting at a table with them, listening to how they interact with others, seeing how they get decisions made, and watching how they influence business,” she says. “How I learn best is by observing. What drives me is looking around the office and asking who do I want to be more like to continue growing as a professional and progressing in my career?”

From Childhood to Today

Mrs. Aievoli still figures prominently in her life and has proven to be Melinda’s lifelong mentor.

“To this day, she keeps me pushing myself. She always says, ‘okay Melinda, and what’s next?’ She keeps me focused on that idea of growth and development,” says Melinda, who still shares her milestone accomplishments with her. “She’s been invested in me from childhood and that’s resonated with me for years.”

Melinda is most proud that her three children – now 20- and 16-year-old daughters, Jayden and Madison, and 13-year-old son, Zachary – can see in her an example of the role model she wished for as a child.

“I had a non-traditional career and educational path, and while it hasn’t been easy, I never settled or gave up, and that’s something I hope encourages them throughout their lives,” she says. “I want them to believe in their own aspirations and carve their own paths so that they, too, can be role models to future generations.”

By Aimee Hansen