Behaviors That Build Confidence
Guest Contributed By Melissa Greenwell
I’ve spent decades watching both men and women climb the corporate ladder to build highly successful careers. I have watched and listened carefully to understand the actions that enabled these people to be called out from the crowd. They weren’t all good-looking or even charming. If there was one single common thread it was confidence. Successful leaders behave in ways that caused them to be noticed, heard, and remembered. Admittedly, slightly generalizing an entire gender, I’ve observed that men, more frequently than women, seem to garner the confidence of a crowd more quickly. I believe that is because they more frequently demonstrate confidence-building behaviors. And I believe women can get the same result by more frequently demonstrating some of those behaviors as well.
This is not to say that as a women, you should act like a man or that you should not be your authentic self. In fact, you’ve got to be your authentic self. You are unique. Your thoughts are unique. The trick is delivering your uniqueness effectively. If you practice a few basic rules, you will deliver.
Speak First.
Yes, first, not last. It doesn’t matter if your idea is not fully baked, with all of the possible pitfalls identified. If you wait until everyone else’s ideas are heard, while you refine yours or, worse, come up with a reason why yours is not a good idea, one of two things will happen: You will never be heard, because you’ll never get the chance to speak, and the conversation will move on. You will never be heard because someone else said it first.
If you have trouble getting the attention of the room when you need it, there are a few techniques you can try. It starts with body language. Be confident. Don’t slump in your seat. Sometimes you need to interrupt. Some of you may think of it as rude. Call it what you will. If people talk over you and around you while you’re trying to get a word in, you have to be a little bold. Lean forward on the table, stand up, move to the front of the room. Speak concisely and with energy. Use humor. It helps people remember what you said. Don’t pause. If you pause too often or for too long, someone else will take the opening and run you off track.
Let’s talk about strategic use of profanity. I believe that there are moments—and they should be rare—when the occasional use of profanity can get the attention of your audience in a good way. Use at your discretion and only when the culture allows it. I am talking “hell” as in “what the hell” and words of that nature.
Stop Apologizing.
Stop qualifying your statements. Every time you preface your thought with an apology or a qualifier, you take power away from yourself and give it to the men in the room (because there are likely more men in the room). Stop it! You don’t really believe it when you say you’re not sure if it’s a good idea, right? You’re just being polite, because somehow you think the message will be better received if you apologize for it first. Let’s think about that for a minute. When was the last time that anyone trying to persuade you to buy anything apologized for their product? “I’m sorry, this car is a piece of shit, but I think you should buy it. Our consulting services might not be the best in class, but we will get the job done good enough.” Really?
Make Time for Face-to-Face Communication.
In this ever-connected, 24-7 world, it is easy to do all of your communicating electronically. And why not? Women (again totally generalizing) are such pros at multitasking, so why shouldn’t we carry on a couple of conversations at once?
For women who love to multitask—and many of us do—we often miss opportunities to demonstrate our thought leadership and therefore miss opportunities to be seen as a leader, by trying to do too much at once. Face-to-face communication is not always convenient, but it’s nearly always well worth it. Successful people understand this. They know it’s important to build relationships with those who are important to them, because relationships are the most critical element in influencing others. Women have to be effective at influencing both genders. Our communication style and method has everything to do with that.
About the author
MELISSA GREENWELL is the author of MONEY ON THE TABLE: How to Increase Profits Through Gender-Balanced Leadership (Greenleaf Book Group, January 2017). She is Executive Vice President and Chief Operating Officer of national retailer The Finish Line, Inc. You can learn more at www.melissa-greenwell.com
Disclaimer: The views and opinions of Guest Contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com
