Tag Archive for: men

Women, Men, and the Two Sides of Confidence

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Professional Women

Guest Contributed by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic

Even when our assessment of other people’s competence is wrong, their self-confidence can still have self-fulfilling effects, opening doors and opportunities to those who simply seem more confident.

This is one of the reasons that so many well-intentioned people have advised women to be more confident to get ahead at work and in their careers. There are several problems with this kind of advice.

First, it fails to recognize that confidence has two sides. Although confidence is an internal belief, it also has an external side, which concerns how assertive you seem in the eyes of others. This external side of confidence is the most consequential because it is often mistaken for real competence.

The bottom line: regardless of how confident we feel internally, when we come across as confident to others, they will often assume that we are competent, at least until we prove them wrong.

This link between perceived confidence and competence is important. Although women are assumed to be less confident than men and some studies have shown that women appear to be less confident, a closer look at the research shows that women are internally confident. In fact, men and women are both overconfident—even if men are still more overconfident than women.
As Harvard Business School’s Robin Ely and Georgetown’s Catherine Tinsley write in the Harvard Business Review, the idea that women lack confidence is a “fallacy”:

That assertion is commonly invoked to explain why women speak up less in meetings and do not put themselves forward for promotions unless they are 100% certain they meet all the job requirements. But research does not corroborate the idea that women are less confident than men. Analyzing more than 200 studies, Kristen Kling and colleagues concluded that the only noticeable differences occurred during adolescence; starting at age 23, differences become negligible.

A team of European academics studied hundreds of engineers and replicated Kling’s finding, reporting that women do feel confident in general.21 But the researchers also noted that women’s confidence wasn’t always recognized by others. Although both women and men reported feeling confident, men were much more likely to be rated by other people as appearing confident. Women’s self-reports of confidence had no correlation with how others saw their confidence.

To make matters worse, for the female engineers, appearing confident had no leadership benefits at all. For the men, seeming confident translated into having influence, but for women, appearing confident did not have the same effect. To have any impact in the organization, the women had to be seen as confident, competent, and caring; all three traits were inseparable. For men, confidence alone translated into greater organizational clout, whereas a caring attitude had no effect on people’s perception of leadership potential.

We are, it seems, less likely to tolerate high confidence in women than we are in men. This bias creates a lose-lose situation for women. Since women are seen as less confident than men and since we see confidence as pivotal to leadership, we demand extra displays of confidence in women to consider them worthy of leadership positions. However, when a woman does seem as confident as, or more confident than, men, we are put off by her because high confidence does not fit our gender stereotypes.

If women don’t lack confidence, then why do we see differences in how men and women behave? Why are women less likely to apply to jobs or to request a promotion unless they’re 100 percent qualified? Why else would women speak less in meetings and be more likely to hedge their bets when making recommendations?

If the answer is not how women feel internally, it must be how they are perceived externally. In other words, differences in behavior arise not because of differences in how men and women are, but in how men and women are treated. This is what the evidence shows: women are less likely to get useful feedback, their mistakes are judged more harshly and remembered longer, their behavior is scrutinized more carefully, and their colleagues are less likely to share vital information with them. When women speak, they’re more likely to be interrupted or ignored.

In this context, it makes sense that even an extremely confident women would behave differently from a man. As Ely and Tinsley observed at a biotech company, the female research scientists were far less likely to speak up in meetings, even though in one-on-one interactions, they shared a lot of useful information. Leaders attributed this difference to a lack of confidence: “What these leaders had failed to see was that when women did speak in meetings, their ideas tended to be either ignored until a man restated them or shot down quickly if they contained even the slightest flaw. In contrast, when men’s ideas were flawed, the meritorious elements were salvaged. Women therefore felt they needed to be 110 percent sure of their ideas before they would venture to share them. In a context in which being smart was the coin of the realm, it seemed better to remain silent than to have one’s ideas repeatedly dismissed.” Thus, because we choose leaders by how confident they appear rather than by how confident or competent they are, we not only end up choosing more men to lead us but ultimately choose more-incompetent men.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic is the Chief Talent Scientist at ManpowerGroup, a professor of business psychology at University College London and at Columbia University, and an associate at Harvard’s Entrepreneurial Finance Lab. He has published nine books and over 130 scientific papers. His most recent book is Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders? (And How to Fix It)?

This article is adapted by permission of Harvard Business Review Press. Excerpted from Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders? (And How to Fix It)? by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic Copyright 2019 Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic. All rights reserved.

The opinions and views expressed by guest contributors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of theglasshammer.com

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Why Gender Equality is Good for Men – Part Three of Three

gender pay gap

Guest Contibuted column by Lisa Levey

Parts one and two of Exploring Why Gender Equality is Good for Men have highlighted how the familiar trope that gender equality is a boon for women and a bust for men is just plain wrong.

Today, we spotlight how gender equality is linked to positive career, and most significantly overall life, satisfaction.

Gender equality supports men’s satisfaction in the workplace and in their lives

Men in more egalitarian couples report greater job satisfaction and less intention to leave their jobs. It follows that men who don’t feel as beholden to problematic work norms [having more flexibility and choices] and who spend more time with their children, developing stronger relationships, are better able to enjoy rather than feeling trapped by their work.

Men who feel less pressure to conform to rigid stereotypical gender roles have a stronger sense of being in a high quality relationship with their partner, and may even have more, and better, sex. A controversial 2014 New York Times article Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?, that reported more traditional gender norms meant less sex when it came to household chores, caused a stir. The problem was the 1980’s data meant many of the couples married in the 1970’s or earlier, when changing gender norms were far less acceptable.

A Cornell professor and her colleagues analyzed 2006 data and found more egalitarian couples indicated having sex as frequently, if not more so, in addition to reporting as great or greater satisfaction, than peers in more traditional relationships.

Based on data for men across European countries and American states, a 2010 study concluded that men in more gender equal societies – compared with those in more traditional ones – had a better quality of life overall based on factors such as less violence and stronger marriages.

It’s not difficult to understand why many men feel disoriented as shifting gender norms continue to redefine what it means to be a man. The masculinity code – translated as needing to always be in control, focusing disproportionately on accomplishment, suppressing emotions of sadness and tenderness, and perhaps most challenging of all, continually needing to prove one’s manliness, day in and day out – was clear.

But that definition of masculinity, while accruing benefits for men, also does great harm. Ironically, that masculine worldview is largely responsible for the challenges plaguing men today – jobs sent overseas to maximize profits, a revised employer- employee value proposition that’s transactional in nature, an implosion of the financial markets brought on by out-sized risks, technology without safeguards, and the list goes on.

Men demonizing gender equality are sadly fighting the wrong enemy. Gender equality is about men having more choices and less pressure, more support and less isolation. Males live in a gender straight jacket with a long list of “shoulds”that define how men must behave – and not behave – to be deemed worthy.

In recent decades the world has opened up for women to new possibilities and ways of being [and yes, big challenges remain] yet men are deeply constrained by old gender scripts.

Gender equality is not the enemy of men. In fact, it just may be thing that can finally set them free.

Contributor Bio

Lisa Levey is a veteran diversity consultant, having worked with leading organizations for more than two decades to assist them in realizing the underutilized leadership potential of women. Her current work focuses on engaging men as allies and partners. She led the design and development of the Forte Foundation’s Male Ally signature resource platform for engaging men in diversity work and architected a pilot program to launch corporate male ally groups. She blogs for the Huffington Post and the Good Men Project on gender norms at work and at home. In the spring of 2018 partnering with her husband Bryan, Lisa is launching Genderworks, a coaching practice for dual-career professional parents to support them in navigating the obstacles to gender equality at work and at home. Lisa earned an MBA with highest honors from the Simmons School of Management and a BS with distinction from Cornell University in applied economics.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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Why Gender Equality is Good for Men – Part Two of Three

gender pay gap

Guest contributed by Lisa Levey

Part One of Why Gender Equality is Good for Men looked at the positive effects for men in their relationships with their spouses and children.

Part Two focuses on the positive health implications – both physical and mental – for men with a more egalitarian world view.

Gender equality benefits men’s physical health

Gender is highly linked with health risks and outcomes and men continually draw the short stick. But men’s health challenges are substantially driven by their own attitudes and behaviors [which they can change.]

Men who espouse more traditional beliefs about gender make less healthy choices. They drink more alcohol, smoke more, and are more likely to take drugs as well as paying less attention to eating healthily or getting enough sleep. They’re less likely to seek medical care for preventive reasons or to follow their physician’s instructions when they do seek care. Real men don’t seem to think they need to cut their portion sizes as they age, limit how much beer they drink, or spend precious time going to the doctor but they make these decisions at their own peril.

Gender equality benefits men’s mental health

In addition to benefiting men’s physical health, gender equality plays a vital role in men’s mental health. Men more involved in the daily activities of raising children, as they rock their child to sleep, braid their daughter’s hair or give their teenager a shoulder to cry on, have the chance to experience a physical closeness and intimacy that is life affirming. Biology reveals that men are programmed for emotional connection. As men care for their children, the hormone’s associated with bonding rise, just as they do for women.

Gender equality powerfully benefits men’s mental health by countering the tendency toward isolation. In comparison to women, research indicates men struggle to a substantially greater degree with developing and sustaining friendships that feel fulfilling and meaningful.

Gender equality gives men permission to be soft – and bold, to be scared – and brave, to be silly – and serious, to be in control – and let go. It allows men the full range of their emotions, not just the socially acceptable ones like anger and desire.

Men who ascribe to less traditional gender norms have lower rates of depression and suicide, the most extreme response to the masculinity straight jacket that leaves men unable to reach out and to work through difficult emotions. Men commit suicide at four times the rate of women and middle age white men are more than twice as likely to kill themselves as the population at large. Clearly something is amiss for men.

Gender equality lowers men’s work-life stress

Men have been saddled with the primary breadwinning role for too long. And while the bias toward men as primary providers persists, a Pew study suggests there may be change afoot. While more than 70% of women and men reported it was very important for a man to be a good provider, women identified their breadwinning responsibility – and that of other women – as far more important than men.

It’s understandable why many men struggle with not being the primary provider, a role for which they have long felt acute responsibility and received social and financial reward. Yet many men fail to see how their partner’s earning capacity provides not only far greater security for the family but also far more flexibility for them. With a financial teammate, men can more easily contemplate starting a business, leaving a bad employer, or push for a promotion. Gender equality helps men to not feel stuck and without options.

Multiple research studies document that men in more egalitarian relationships report lower levels of work-life stress. What may seem counterintuitive for men is that devoting more time to their lives outside of work actually minimizes their work-life stress. The same has not been found to be true for women.

The conclusion seems to be that women and men who intentionally share home and child care responsibilities can simultaneously enable women to focus more freely on their careers and men to feel less pressured to always be working. It enables men and women to engage in multiple deeply meaningful roles in their lives.

Contributor Bio

Lisa Levey is a veteran diversity consultant, having worked with leading organizations for more than two decades to assist them in realizing the underutilized leadership potential of women. Her current work focuses on engaging men as allies and partners. She led the design and development of the Forte Foundation’s Male Ally signature resource platform for engaging men in diversity work and architected a pilot program to launch corporate male ally groups. She blogs for the Huffington Post and the Good Men Project on gender norms at work and at home. In the spring of 2018 partnering with her husband Bryan, Lisa is launching Genderworks, a coaching practice for dual-career professional parents to support them in navigating the obstacles to gender equality at work and at home. Lisa earned an MBA with highest honors from the Simmons School of Management and a BS with distinction from Cornell University in applied economics.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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Why Gender Equality is Good for Men | Part One

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gender pay gap

Guest contributed by Lisa Levey

Gender equality is one of those loaded topics that can bring conversation to a halt.

Women’s empowerment has been portrayed as a link to all that men have lost, whether its perceived loss of professional opportunities or loss of the privilege of not having to deal with housework or childcare. There is a fear that expectation of females being subordinate dissipates with equality, which is an outdated expectation to have in modern society to start with but surprisingly present still for some families.

Women’s rising power has left many men seething and many more with a gnawing fear that gains for women mean losses for men. The incredible irony is: the culprit is not gender equality but misguided thinking about masculinity which is shared by both genders and that exacts such a high toll on men.

Read on to discover why based on research, rather than hyperbole, gender equality is a gift for men that keeps on giving.

Gender equality benefits men’s physical health

Gender is highly linked with health risks and outcomes and men continually draw the short stick. But men’s health challenges are substantially driven by their own attitudes and behaviors [which they can change.]

Men who espouse more traditional beliefs about gender make less healthy choices. They drink more alcohol, smoke more, and are more likely to take drugs as well as paying less attention to eating healthily or getting enough sleep. They’re less likely to seek medical care for preventive reasons or to follow their physician’s instructions when they do seek care. Real men don’t seem to think they need to cut their portion sizes as they age, limit how much beer they drink, or spend precious time going to the doctor but they make these decisions at their own peril.

Gender equality benefits men’s marital satisfaction

Alongside women’s influx into the workforce over the last half-century, there’s been a shift in how men experience marriage. Marriages became more unstable – at first – as women began evolving from a more subordinate to a more egalitarian role. In the 1980’s the divorce rate among couples where the woman was more highly educated exceeded that for couples where this was not the case. Yet through time there has been a profound shift. Beginning in the 1990’s, women’s higher educational attainment no longer predicted elevated divorce rates and the marital stability of educational equals rose.

A professor at Brigham Young University studied the division of labor for married couples and those living together across 31 countries. She found couples with a more shared approach to caring for their children and homes were happier in their relationships than couples with a more specialized approach.

Based on my research with parents who sought to proactively share the load at home, both men and women described the power of walking in each other’s shoes and having each other’s backs. They saw themselves on the same team, spending their precious energy on navigating the challenges of equality in a still highly-gendered world, rather than on arguing with each other.
Across the U.S., states with a higher percent of couples in traditional marriages report escalated divorce rates compared to states with a higher percent of dual earner families. Data indicates changing gender norms and family values go hand in hand.

Gender equality benefits men’s relationships with their children

Society has been terribly unfair to men by invalidating the importance of their parenting role. This messaging has no doubt seeped into men’s thinking and worldview. Ironically, both men who live paycheck-to-paycheck and men with incredible wealth similarly perceive prioritizing time away from work to bond with a new child as a luxury rather than a necessity.

Yet if fathers knew how vitally important they were to their children’s lives, they might make different choices. When fathers are involved early and often, their children benefit in critical ways. Positive father involvement from the outset translates into better academic outcomes, more favorable social behavior, fewer discipline issues and greater happiness. The effects of fathering – both good and bad – stay with children far beyond their youth, manifesting during their adult lives via career success and the ability to manage stress, among other ways.

Based on the inaugural 2015 State of the World’s Fathers study, infants attach to both of their parents from the outset if both are actively involved with their care. Paternal engagement is a protective factor for kids who are close to their dads with children being half as likely to suffer from depression during their youth. In other research, fathers who assume a more egalitarian partnership at home raise daughters who are more ambitious.

Not only do fathers influence daughters but daughters influence fathers. A study highlighted in the Harvard Business Review reports men with daughters run more socially responsible companies, particularly with regard to diversity. Men should hope to work for a company where the male CEO has a first born daughter because if he does, he’ll see more money in his paycheck than if the first born is a son.

Gender equality gives men more flexibility and freedom

Men have been saddled with the primary breadwinning role for too long. And while the bias toward men as primary providers persists, a Pew study suggests there may be change afoot. While more than 70% of women and men reported it was very important for a man to be a good provider, women identified their breadwinning responsibility – and that of other women – as far more important than men.

It’s understandable why many men struggle with not being the primary provider, a role for which they have long felt acute responsibility and received social and financial reward. Yet many men fail to see how their partner’s earning capacity provides not only far greater security for the family but also far more flexibility for them. With a financial teammate, men can more easily contemplate starting a business, leaving a bad employer, or push for a promotion. Gender equality helps men to not feel stuck and without options.

Multiple research studies document that men in more egalitarian relationships report lower levels of work-life stress. What may seem counterintuitive for men is that devoting more time to their lives outside of work actually minimizes their work-life stress. The same has not been found to be true for women so really isn’t it time for men to see and talk about the benefits of getting on board with gender equality.

Tune in next week for the second installment of why gender equality is good for men.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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Men: It’s Easy to Be a Workplace Ally – Here’s How

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happy man with women

Guest contributed by Deborah Pine and Trish Foster

By now it’s no surprise to read that, in 2017, women still face more workplace challenges than men.

According to McKinsey’s 2016 Women in the Workplace report, more than 75 percent of CEOs include gender equality in their top ten business priorities, but progress is still frustratingly slow.

While women can and do make progress alone, more and more companies are discovering a secret weapon to achieve gender balance – male allies. Men, if you truly want to support women in the workplace, there are practical (and relatively easy) steps you can take immediately. Remember that even incremental changes in your behavior might help the women you work with. Here’s how you can help.

Recruit women

In doing so, recognize that some of the best candidates might not come to you – you might need to seek them out. Why? Because while men apply for jobs when they meet 60 percent of the hiring criteria, women wait until they think they’ve met them all. So search for female candidates via LinkedIn, references, internships, and by making sure your hiring committees put women and other diverse candidates on the slate.

Actively promote women and raise their visibility

Encourage them to apply for jobs with more responsibility even if they haven’t met all of the requirements. Why? Because women tend to get promoted based on their accomplishments, men more so based on potential. And a McKinsey/LeanIn.Org report shows that men get promoted at a greater rate than women in the first few years of their careers. Research suggests that women benefit by seeing strong female role models ahead of them in the pipeline. Help make that happen by raising the visibility of women in your organization.

Evaluate performance fairly

Start by being aware of gender bias in performance reviews, since research shows that male performance is often overestimated compared to female performance. In fact, gender-blind studies show that removing gender from performance-based evaluations improves women’s chances of success. Provide constructive criticism and be honest and fair, just as you would with a man.

Be aware of unconscious bias

It’s now well-established that all of us are biased. That’s why so many companies use unconscious or implicit bias training as an essential step in developing men as allies programs. You can tap into plenty of online resources to learn more about implicit bias on your own.

Be a mentor, or better yet, a sponsor, to a woman

Data supports the notion that women who have both female and male mentors get more promotions and higher pay. In addition to mentoring, consider actively sponsoring a woman – remember that sponsors go beyond mentoring by creating tangible workplace opportunities for their protégés. For example, don’t be afraid to take a female colleague to lunch or invite her to an outing, as you would with a male colleague. Professional opportunities often arise in such social settings.

If you have parental leave, take it

We can’t achieve gender parity if women are the only ones taking child-care leave. As Liza Mundy writes in The Atlantic, “The true beneficiaries of paternity leave are women.”

Establish accountability metrics

Set personal diversity and inclusion goals, and encourage your company to establish diversity and inclusion goals for all managers, tying them to reviews and compensation. Accountability produces results!

Don’t ‘manterrupt’ when a woman is speaking

Research shows that men interrupt women far more than they interrupt other men. Actively work to listen more than you speak, and even better, visibly solicit and affirm input from women in meetings.

Be an advocate

Have your female co-worker’s back when she’s not in the room and call out unfairness and bias when you see it. Talk to other men to raise awareness about gender diversity and remember that silence can be misinterpreted as support for the status quo.

Share the housework at home and the office

For women to succeed, they need an equal division of labor at home and at work. Honestly evaluate whether you are sharing chores at home ranging from childcare to cleaning, and do the same at work, raising your hand for the tasks women so often assume, like organizing social events.

Your actions have the potential to make a major, positive difference not just in the lives of your female peers, but in your own life, your work environment, and your company’s success.

Deborah Pine is executive director and Trish Foster is senior program director for the Center for Women and Business at Bentley University in Waltham, Mass.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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