Tag Archive for: change

Happy International Women’s Day 2019. Does Change Start Here?

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Nicki Gilmour

Celebrations and recognition of women and women specific issues are being highlighted today around the world and inside corporate offices. Celebrating and making people aware of amazing women and their accomplishments is excellent. Shedding light on social, economic or cultural issues that do not get enough attention is also great. Better to have it, than not have it for sure.

However, does change happen because of it? No, change requires more than a day of talking and a hashtag (which by the way is officially #balanceforbetter which hints at two things, balance of power, not just more balance for women)

But, when all is said and done, it is just a hashtag that means pretty much zero when it comes to actual behaviorial change or any action for anyone whatsoever. Now that we have named the elephant in the room on the sheer vacancy of going through the motions of pretense, perhaps we can talk real talk about change?

Awareness is the first step. But, only the first step in change.

How do we achieve parity. equality, equity or meritocracy?

I like the #biascorrect idea that Catalyst is motioning this IWD (International Women’s Day). Stereotypes limit us. Anyone who has ever been stereotyped will tell you that. Catalyst provide resources to address that bias and in this instance, convey that words matter.

What is less discussed, are the false positive stereotypes and head starts that many women and many men but not all, give to men as leaders and heads of teams, families, power structures generally. That is the balance of power piece we really need to discuss.

What can you do?

Recognize that you probably implicitly have bias. We all do. I coach people to examine their paradigms regularly, as your mental model is formed via your life experiences and their context. That means, you probably are operating off ideas that your family and society told you was the “way it is” and that way it was, was steeped in notions of one gender’s needs being met before others.

Socialization, not brain differences feed into cognitive process whereby we place evaluative meaning on everything. Men are not from Mars and Women are not from Venus. We are all from Earth. The backlash we are seeing is due to people trying to maintain a historically granted place of power and is not surprising. The protection of the patriarchy by women,  is to do with their socialization under men’s rules and women’s place in the structure of society so far, secure but secondary so fear on an unknown alternative prevents change and fuels racism, nationalism, and is why we see sexism by women against women.

We need to educate everyone on the benefits of equality and equity as the patriarchy is a system not a gender or a person and does not serve very many people other than the bad guys ( their reckoning is here, though) in this modern world.

It is only when we stop our bias cognitively, and make efforts to behaviorally change that we can be freed from false expectations around diversity parties, celebrations and hashtags actually changing anything. Stop asking the women to balance for better and start asking everyone to stop believing everything they think to be true. Test assumptions for best results.

Enjoy this satire piece in The NY Times today. I could not agree more.

Enjoy the day, however you spend it.

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What would you like to change for 2019?

By Nicki Gilmour

Let’s face it, we are always changing, evolving and adapting to survive. Imagine how you can use change to thrive.  

Last week, we talked about themes from 2018 and what was memorable to you. What is your “theme” going into 2019? Is it a new theme? Are you carrying around a theme that you no longer want? Is it even your theme? Or is it what you think you ‘should’ be doing according to other people’s wisdom? Or even due to ‘norms’ for people at your stage of your career or life?  

Think about what you want and then think about what you have to do to get there. Simple right? Sounds like goal setting, right? And it is mostly. But something to also consider is the behavioral piece of achieving goals because if you have a goal and your actual actions are not aligning then it might not be as easy as it looks on paper.  

What do you have to do? And will you do it? What is behind what you tell yourself? 

Who do you have to be? Who do you want to be in 2019?  

Book a free exploratory chat with Nicki to see if coaching will help you get you further, faster.

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Fear of Change and Other Mental Models That Hold Us Back

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Nicki-Gilmour-bioBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Last week, we spoke about how expanding your mindset can truly take perspective mentally and not be beholden to your home-grown beliefs, paradigms and basically anything that your granny and society told you that you had to think, act and feel. We talked about the more we can move things from purely subjective to being an object then we can be more open to working with new ideas. I describe this to my clients using the glass half full/glass half empty adage, if you reframe it to an object, let’s face it, it is just a glass with some liquid in it and you don’t have to have any feelings around that at all.

Nearly all of us show courage at work and life. Nearly all of us have fears. Those fears are often deeply rooted in paradigms and mental models that we hold that play out in our “inner theater” telling us we could fail, we could lose something, we could look silly (amongst many other things.)

How do you take these anxiety ridden based on nothing assumptions and recognize them as the Gremlins that they are? They are present to sabotage your ability to take the next step and embrace whatever comes with that change?

Kegan and Lahey in their brilliant book “Immunity to Change” offer actual exercises on how to understand what your worries are and how they are often competing commitments to your main objective. For example, you might be keen on delegating more but find that you ultimately want things done your way; making your goal harder to reach.

It is the assumptions (those built in paradigms) that create these competing unconscious and conscious thoughts and behaviors. By surfacing and testing your assumptions – such as what it is that makes you assume that your way is best, you can make real progress towards growing, succeeding and leading!

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Change Yourself to Change the World

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Managing ChangeChange is pretty top of mind this week at theglasshammer.com as we prepare for our panel discussion tomorrow as part of our 5th Annual Navigating Your Career event ( no seats left, sorry!). The topic is “So, you want to be a change leader?” and we will chat with our panelists on how they have affected change when it comes to succeeding personally and improving things for people around them.

This is very close to my heart as I undertook a Change Leadership masters at Columbia University in the City of New York (I highly recommend this course to all executives, it is life changing. ) and a big part of the work we did there was using ourselves as tools of change by first understanding who we were, where are biases lie and looking at our appetite for challenging the status quo. That is what change work is! And you would be amazed at the levels of denial most people have around what constructs we all collude to keep in place.

So, start with you. Don’t say you want to have more diverse people in your team and then hire a man, don’t constantly look to men as the authorized experts on every topic and don’t discount yourself as the expert either. If you have got it, flaunt it as so many women I know are less aware than they should be off how equally or possibly more skilled they are than other counterparts yet are happy to defer to them.

Ultimately, it is about owning your influence to effect change!

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com if you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work

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Changing the World

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group of womenSomeone once asked me what advice I would give my 21 year old self as she ventured into the corporate world. Turning back the clock, I see myself at that age, a young woman about to enter the professional STEM field. Sporting my brand new leather briefcase in hand, chock-full of boundless energy and enthusiasm, bursting with idealism and with hopes of changing the world. Confident that what I said and what I did truly mattered. Not yet tainted by the bureaucracies and politics of any organization. Taking on the world with unabashed and fearless determination. I remember her clearly. Chances are we all remember our self of yesteryear.

What wisdom have I acquired through the years that I could share with her and so many others who are just starting out today?

1. Leadership takes courage

By definition, leadership is forging a path where no one has gone before. Be prepared to face fear of the unknown. This in no way diminishes you but presents a unique opportunity to search within you. You will be fine as long as you are fueled by a belief in yourself and heed to your moral compass. Your big dreams will often leave you standing alone but never stop dreaming. This vision is fundamental to the road map you will need in moving ahead. Always remember that the path you blaze will be tread by others so don’t leave them behind. Your ability to influence others is the key ingredient to igniting change. Be patient, change happens one person at a time but there will be many that will not budge. That is their choice, not yours.

2. Remain true to your convictions

Always stand up for what you believe in. But know that you will not always get your way. Corporate politics is a tough pill to swallow and youthful idealism can erode with each workplace disappointment. Compromise is an art so explore your right brain and let creativity flow. This is all part of growing up. Organizations that lack diverse leadership may pose an unfairly stacked deck against females and you will face gender bias at least once in your career. The very first time this happens will be a painful blow that disorients and disappoints. After all, encountering gender as a barrier is a loss of innocence. But you will recover stronger and more resilient.

3. Stay hungry

Ambition is the fuel that propels us out of the gates keeping our eyes on the prize while never looking back. Each individual success results in a burgeoning confidence. There will be setbacks which may result in second guessing your relevance and impact in the workplace. Despite these, never drop out. Make the most of the hand you have been dealt and never stop striving for the finish line.

4. You matter

Predominantly male organizations may provide an absence of females to look up to making it a very lonely place. Despite this, know that you are not alone. Fill the void with someone who cares and cheers you on. Mentors and advocates come in all shapes, sizes, and yes, genders. Engaging men in the conversation results in game changing partnerships and lays the foundation for empowerment and gender equality. If you must be the first in your organization to shatter the parochial glass ceiling, strap yourself in. You are in for a trip of a lifetime. One less glass ceiling moves all women ahead. You owe it to yourself and those that follow to get off the sidelines and roar.

5. Pay it forward

Always look for those that look to you as an emerging leader. You must remember that you too bear a responsibility to the generation that follows. After all, it is the next generation of women and men that will continue the progress that has been made and effect long-term and permanent change. Just as you stand on the shoulders of those that came before you, so too will the next generation stand on your shoulders.

My grown up self has still so much to learn and if asked the same question in five years, my hope is that I have acquired more wisdom to add to my list. But one thing I know for sure is that I am impacting the world. Each and every day, we are given the opportunity to create a legacy. The caliber of that legacy is completely up to us. Let it be a positive one and the foundation for those that follow in their attempt at changing the world.

Guest Contribution by Rossana G. D’Antonio, PE, GE

Guest advice and opinions not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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