Tag Archive for: anxiety

rethinking networkingFor many professionals, the word “networking” sparks anxiety. The first thought is often, “What do I have to offer?” That fear is common, but it is also misplaced. Every one of us brings value to a conversation—whether it comes from professional experience, nonprofit involvement, or simply shared interests. The key is to shift your perspective: networking isn’t about proving your worth, it’s about finding common connections.

Start with Shared Ground

The easiest way to overcome networking anxiety is to say YES. If you’re invited to an event with a networking component, you already have something in common with everyone in the room—you all chose to be there. That shared context is a natural starting point.

Simple openers like “What brought you here today?” or “How are you connected to this event?” instantly create a bridge. From there, you can move into the basics—asking what someone does, where they went to school, or how they became involved in the topic at hand. It doesn’t take long to uncover people you know in common, whether separated by one degree or six. That realization alone is often enough to establish connection.

Build Relationships Not Transactions

At work, your “natural” network already exists—the colleagues you speak with regularly to get your job done. But true networking requires more than functional interactions. Instead of viewing these conversations as purely transactional, approach them as opportunities to build relationships.

Why does this matter?

  • You may learn something new.
  • You may identify ways to collaborate more closely in the future.
  • And perhaps most importantly, those colleagues may become advocates for you when you are not in the room.

This kind of relational networking creates allies, not just contacts.

Expand into Adjacent Circles

Beyond your immediate circle lies your “adjacent network”—people in roles that intersect with, but are not identical to, yours. Building these connections offers two benefits:

1. It creates opportunities for collaboration and innovation.

2. It expands your sphere of influence within the organization.

Networking across these adjacent circles ensures that you’re not siloed. It positions you as someone who sees beyond your lane and values cross-functional insight.

Seek Inspiration and Learning

Finally, there is the “outer ring” of networking: people who inspire you, challenge your thinking, or offer perspectives you want to learn from. These individuals may not be immediately accessible, but reaching out to them can be transformative. Over time, relationships that begin with admiration can evolve into mentorship—and, for some, sponsorship.

The Accidental Network

I often describe my own network as “accidental.” In reality, it was strategically built without me realizing it. I wasn’t focused on collecting contacts. Instead, I was focused on impact. Building connections allowed me to expand my influence, which in turn created greater impact. The cycle fed itself: impact → influence → more impact.

Looking back, what seemed like casual conversations were actually the foundation of a powerful
network.

From Anxiety to Excitement

Instead of approaching networking with dread, approach it with curiosity. Who might you meet? What might you learn? What connection might spark unexpectedly?

The truth is simple: we all bring something to the table. Networking isn’t about rehearsed elevator pitches or forced interactions. It’s about shared ground, genuine curiosity, and the relationships that form when we take the time to connect.

So the next time networking makes you anxious, reframe it. Get excited about the possibilities—because you never know where one conversation might take you.

 

By: Tracy Castle-Newman, Founder of TCN Advisors, empowering businesses and individuals to achieve their full potentional through consulting, coaching and public speaking engagements.  With 35 years in Financial Services, spending over 28 at Morgan Stanley, she has built and led businesses that drove revenue growth, operational efficiency, and strategic innovation. Recognizing that talent is your most valuable asset, Tracy dedicated much of her career mentoring and developing the next generation of leaders, with an intentional focus on women. She is known for building like-minded communities and built the most successful community for female portfolio managers on Wall Street.

Tracy also coaches with the Evolved People team (owner of the theglasshammer).  If you wish to work with her, speak with Nicki Gilmour here.

(Guest Contribution: The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com)

burnoutFirst, let’s get one thing straight: burnout is not an individual problem; it’s an organizational problem that requires an organizational solution. Self-care has been the prevention strategy du jour for decades. And yet burnout is on the rise. Why? Because we’re ignoring the systemic and institutional factors that are the real causes of burnout – things like workload, lack of control, poor relationships, and other root causes that cannot be solved with yoga and vacation time.

If you are feeling burned out, know that it’s not your fault. But focusing on what we can do to help ourselves is the part we can control in a world full of the uncontrollable. And if you happen to exhibit one of the following personality traits, you are more prone to burnout.

Neuroticism

Neuroticism is one of the “big five” higher-order personality traits in the study of psychology. If you dig into the definition, it makes sense that this trait correlates to higher rates of burnout. Individuals who score high on the neuroticism scales are more likely than average to be moody and to experience such feelings as anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, guilt, depressed mood, and loneliness. People who are neurotic respond worse to stressors and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult.

In her 2018 dissertation, “The Relationship Between Big Five Personality Traits and Burnout: A Study Among Correctional Personnel,” Sharon Maylor of Walden University found that neuroticism was the only personality trait that was associated with all three dimensions of burnout.

Conversely, it’s important to see the value in this personality type. We tend to give personality traits like these a bad rap, but there are upsides. People with the neuroticism trait tend to be:

  • Highly analytical and hyperaware of threats or dangers
  • Cautious and less likely to make impulsive decisions
  • More accountable and will take personal responsibility for errors

There are obvious potential benefits to tending toward neuroticism on the team, but you need to be mindful of the downside to avoid burnout.

Introversion

It is a myth that introverts fear or dislike others and are shy and lonely. This is not the case. They simply have nervous systems more suited to spending time in a calm environment with one or a few friends.

Although their nervous systems may be dissimilar to those of extroverts, that doesn’t mean that introverts aren’t just as effective. “Extroverts are routinely chosen for leadership positions and introverts are looked over, although introverts often deliver better outcomes. They’re not perceived as leadership material,” says Susan Cain, bestselling author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, and a frequent speaker on introversion and extroversion in the workplace.

According to Cain’s research, the power of introverts can be identified in the following behaviors. They:

  • Tend to be more productive than extroverts and less likely to become distracted
  • Explore subjects in more depth
  • Are great listeners, which helps them in problem-solving scenarios
  • Are often creators; writers and artists are more likely to identify as introverted
  • Have a strong capacity for empathy
  • Are moderators and can calm stressful situations
  • Are more cautious and better at managing risk

However, since the physical office can be a highly social place, research suggests that introverted people are at greater risk of developing burnout than extroverted people.

Introverts working virtually in most situations, minus a global lockdown, are removed from the noise, the hustle and bustle of a buzzing office, the potential disruptions that cause a lack of psychological safety, and the pressure to conform to those office norms. What if we made workplaces free of these kinds of strain?

Just ask Cain, who shared in our interview, “The best workspaces allow people to move freely between solo and shared spaces. Sometimes we want to work alone. Sometimes we crave company. Sometimes we want both of these things in the space of a single morning. Why not design around these natural preferences? Radically open office plans don’t actually increase collaboration or decrease loneliness. On the contrary, they create giant rooms full of worker bees wearing headphones.”

Perfectionism

If you’re prone to perfectionism—specifically, perfectionism concerns— you run a high risk of burning out. Broadly defined, perfectionism is a combination of exceedingly high standards and a preoccupation with extreme self-critical evaluation. Scientists Joachim Stoeber from the University of Kent discovered that our desire and subsequent efforts to achieve perfectionism are acceptable as long as we can emotionally handle scenarios when we don’t achieve it. When we start to believe that everything we do must be perfect and anything less means a failure, or that others may judge us as a failure, then this becomes detrimental to our mental health.

Someone who struggles with perfectionist concerns may exhibit the following traits:

  • Maintaining a rigid self-evaluative style that looks at events in all- or-nothing terms, for example, you’re either a winner or a loser.
  • Overgeneralizing negative events by making a rule after a single event or a series of coincidences. For example, someone is passed over for a promotion, and the narrative is now, “I will never move up in this company.” These “always” or “never” statements frequently appear in a perfectionist’s vocabulary.
  • Ruminating about past failures. Being unable to let go of mistakes and assuming they will come up again in the future.
  • Having a strong need for self-validation, for example, always questioning their self-worth. In some situations, they will subconsciously seek out ways to prove they are “right.” They believe their self-worth is constantly threatened.

According to researchers Andrew Hill and Thomas Curran in their article “Multidimensional Perfectionism and Burnout: A Meta- Analysis,” “Perfectionistic concerns are associated with considerable strain that render individuals vulnerable to the accrual of stress and subsequent burnout. In summarizing current understanding of the perfectionism–burnout relationship, then, it is the harsh self-evaluative processes central to perfectionistic concerns that are understood to fuel the perfectionism–burnout relationship, rather than perfectionistic strivings.”

Authors Mick Oreskovich and James Anderson suggest that we need to consider the following, if we experience perfectionist concerns:

  1. Identify the difference between power versus powerlessness over people, places, things, and situations; if we stop trying to control everything, we will find more joy. It may be a challenge to surrender, but it is necessary to prevent burnout.
  2. Understand the differences between self-knowledge and self-awareness (self-knowledge is what we believe to be true about ourselves; self-awareness is seeing ourselves as others see us). These insights are rarely the same yet are equally important.
  3. Accept help.
  4. Take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others.

Jennifer Moss is an award-winning journalist, author, and international public speaker. She is a nationally syndicated radio columnist, reporting on topics related to happiness and workplace well-being. She is the author of THE BURNOUT EPIDEMIC: The Rise of Chronic Stress and How We Can Fix It.

{Reprinted by permission of Harvard Business Review Press. Excerpted from The Burnout Epidemic: The Rise of Chronic Stress and How We Can Fix It by Jennifer Moss. Copyright 2021 Jennifer Moss. All rights reserved.}