By Robin Madell (San Francisco)
In a recent article in The Wall Street Journal, Heidi Miller, who was formerly head of the international business line at J.P. Morgan, recommended that women in finance get comfortable with asking for more.
In the article, Miller describes a time earlier in her career when she worked for Chemical Bank and learned firsthand the value of asking for what you want. After experiencing some frustrations in her position, she considered quitting. But before making a final decision, she practiced asking for a list of demands, and then presented this list to her manager. Her practice paid off when she received everything that she asked for—including the title of managing director and a bump in salary.
No matter what level of the organization you’ve currently reached, there are little ways that you can learn to improve your skills at requesting more of what you want and deserve in the workplace. To explore the best strategies, The Glass Hammer spoke with Carol Frohlinger, co-author of Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It.
Frohlinger, who is also a co-founder of Negotiating Women, explains that she wrote the book with co-author Lois Frankel because girls are socialized to be “nice,” and some women end up carrying those messages into life as adults, causing them to be reluctant to ask for what they deserve. (See “How to Navigate the Niceness Paradox, Part 1” and “Part 2.”)
“Girls are told they should be seen but not heard, should let others take the lead, and should put the needs of others’ first,” explains Frohlinger. “But it is also important to note that gender stereotypes are operative—and both men and women believe them. As a result, when women do ask, they can face backlash because the cultural expectation is that they won’t ask.”
Frohlinger emphasizes the importance of applying negotiation and communication principles and skills to one’s personal life, as well as to workplace situations. “I think this aspect has been neglected—and I firmly believe that one can’t be successful at work unless you negotiate for whatever you need at home,” she says.