businesswomen-meetingGuest Contribution by Dianna Booher

People resist being persuaded. They fast-forward through commercials. They say, “No, thank you; I’m just looking” when the sale associate asks if they need help to buy—even if two minutes later they ask for help.

The vast majority of people (88 percent) report that they break their New Year’s resolutions before the end of January. And those resolutions are changes that people themselves decide to make––to get physically fit, get out of debt, get organized.

Clearly, your clients and coworkers are wary of spin. So when you MUST break through that protective barrier to persuade someone to change their mind or behavior, you have to communicate with intention.

My book What MORE Can I Say? Why Communication Fails and What to Do About It outlines nine laws to move people to action. The law of “Specificity Versus Generalization” is foundational when it comes to persuasion.

Be Concrete

Your clients, your staff, and your peers consider random communication coming to them an intrusion. Daily messages on social media, network news, and email blasts by their very nature have to be generic. Result: People skim, scan, or tune out altogether.

Both of the following comments have one thing in common: They are used in multiple scenarios––with varied meanings.

“It’s our policy. That’s the best I can do.” In the midst of supplier negotiations, this ultimatum typically brings the situation to a halt––unless the other party really has no other options. And rarely is that the case.

“We will get back to you when we have a resolution to the problem.” When leaders toss this promise to a crowd during a crisis, they react, “We want to know now what you’re doing to find the resolution.”

Such statements anger people, cause them to dig in their heels, and stall action. For a more positive response, use concrete, straightforward language. Acknowledge specific issues or difficulties to be resolved. Explain specifically what you’re doing to investigate behind the scenes. State specific action steps you plan to take or that you want others to take.

Drop the Doublespeak

People distrust what they don’t understand. Much of what is written today in corporate America and by governmental agencies is not intended to inform people. It is written to protect the organization providing the information.

Take pharmaceutical studies for example. Strip the disclosures and doublespeak, and what they say is, “We are not sure how and why this new medicine works for some individuals. We don’t know what the implications and complications may be in the future. Take it at your own risk. We are not responsible for what may happen to you.” But if they made that statement so clearly and boldly, nobody would use the medicine without further testing.

Double-speak persists as a protective shield. But gobbledygook also limits your personal influence and power in a distinctive way: distrust.

Avoid Making the Effort Look Harder Than It Is

That’s not the same as making things look easy. Promise people that changing will be easy, and they will think you’re either a liar, incompetent, or crazy. When you’re trying to influence people to make a change, they need to consider a specific request and make the commitment. Otherwise, you’ll have a “yes” answer and a “no” on the follow-through.
But that said, some things really are easy. Why make them unnecessarily difficult simply by the way you communicate them?

Whether creating an image for your LinkedIn group, sending email, drafting a client proposal, or soliciting gifts from donors, break the action you want down into clear, doable steps. Provide the necessary details to take the action without the other person having to play detective and make unnecessary calls and send extra emails.
If it’s easy, say so. Pay attention to physical layout on the page or screen: Make things look easy:

  • Use a simple font.
  • Make subject lines useful, specific, concrete.
  • Provide informative headlines for easy scanning within a document.
  • Use lists where appropriate.
  • Emphasize details by using blank space, bolding, and color for later reference and recall.

Imagine how time-consuming and difficult the task of reading this blog would have seemed had there been no headings, no list, and only a few long paragraphs.

Persuading someone to change their mind or behavior in and of itself is difficult. To be influential, make your message relevant and your action specific.

Dianna Booher is the bestselling author of 46 books, published in 26 languages, with nearly 4 million copies sold. She works with organizational leaders to increase their effectiveness through clear communication and executive presence. He latest books include “What More Can I Say?: Why Communication Fails and What to Do About It”; “Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader”; and “Communicate with Confidence”. For more information, please visit www.booherresearch.com and www.whatmorecanisaythebook.com.

Barbara is in her late twenties and speaks with a relentlesslProfessional Womeny cheerful voice that can get on people’s nerves. She is always smiling, happy, and eager—and sounds as though she’s ten yours younger than she really is.

Our instructor asks her whether she used another voice during any time in her life. At first, she replies, “Oh no, this is the way I’ve always spoken.” Then upon reflection, she blurts out. “Oh my goodness—I remember now! I used to have a completely different voice when I was head of my debating society at university! . . . . It was way, way lower. People would say I was one of the best debaters they’d heard.””

“So what happened,” our instructor asked.

“Ever since I started working for my boss—six years ago when I was straight out of university—he’s asked me to smile. Every morning during those first few months I reported to him, he’d walk up to my desk and say, ‘Where’s that smile?’ Sometimes he’d say it twice or three times in one day. I guess that made my voice cheery and nice sounding.”

This story says a lot about our voice—and how it is shaped by external realities. Finding your true leadership voice often requires getting rid of vocal patterns we have acquired in our past. Do you have any of the “voices” described below that can undercut your leadership?

Our Many Voices

The little girl voice. This high-pitched, thin, and wispy tone makes the speaker sound younger and less confident than she really is. Often the little girl voice is accompanied by lifting the voice at the end of sentences as though asking a question, rather than making a statement. People won’t take you seriously if you sound 10 years old.

The cheerleader voice. This hyped up voice makes the speaker sound weak because she is trying so hard. The cheerleader pulls out all the stops, pushes her voice into the higher registers, picks up her pace, smiles a lot, and uses lots of fly-away energy. This voice lacks the gravitas and grounded commitment of a leader.

The maternal voice. This voice can be either loud and controlling or quietly domineering. A client came to us for coaching because she whispered when she spoke. She had worked as a kindergarten teacher and learned to get children’s attention with a quiet maternal voice. The problem is that people have to lean in to hear her speak, and her voice sounds manipulative to a business audience.

The helpful voice. This voice positions the speaker as a subordinate. A woman in one of our courses was the sort of person who could probably run a company. But her voice made her sound much lower in rank than she was. The helpful voice is submissive and always obliging. It turned out that she had begun her work life in a secretarial position; her voice got “stuck” in that lower role and never matured.

The girlfriend voice. This is a sweet, coy voice that may get attention in the office, but for the wrong reasons. It’s the vocal equivalent of short skirts and cleavage. It may have its side benefits, but it doesn’t work for someone who is career focused. This is not uncommon even among women who have no hidden agenda.

The nice voice. This is one of the more common voices women use because girls are raised to be “nice.” Unfortunately “nice” lacks power. In fact, being nice in the board room, conveys the impression that you are trying to make others feel good—thereby putting them in the power position and belittling your leadership.

The grateful voice. This tone can suggest that a woman feels she doesn’t deserve to be heard. One woman explained, “That gratefulness suggests we are not comfortable being at the table, and indicates we’re not as invested as other participants present.”

The manly voice. This is less common today than it once was, when women took on the male style to fit into a male-dominated work environment. This voice is low, often aggressive, and shows little or no warmth. In the movie, The Devil Wears Prada, Meryl Streep plays an executive who adopts those tones.

If you identify with one of these voices, consider whether it serves you well as a leader. These voices play to a different audience and reflect a different time or role in our lives. It’s important to leave them behind if you want to sound like a leader.

What can you replace them with? A voice that is grounded and assertive without any of the overtones mentioned above. A leader’s voice is true to the thoughts being delivered—it has no other agenda. So connect your voice to the words you are delivering. Speak with conviction and power and depth. This will make all the difference in how your audience perceives you.

Guest Contributed by Judith Humphrey

Guest advice and opinions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

bottom lineSomeone once asked me if I felt I had to work harder than my male peers in order to succeed. While I won’t argue that a lot of hard work went into getting to where I am now, I attribute my success to a more strategic reason – working smarter.

Although Satya Nadella, Microsoft’s CEO, is credited with the “keep your nose to the grindstone and good things will come your way” school of thought, this skewed belief is a lot more prevalent than we would like to believe. Perhaps the most important outcome to these foot-in-mouth moments, besides sending the culprit on a heartfelt public mea culpa, is to start a conversation on the issues women still face in the workforce. Let’s face it, gender inequity is alive and well in America.

But this is a complicated issue borne from deeply ingrained biases on both sides of the table. Biases for which we are often unaware. Accepting this as a fact of life provides leverage to females who seek to move up the corporate ladder. Knowing what we are up against provides us the ability to strategize a plan. By the way, women are not immune to biases and accepting this as another fact of life provides the opportunity for us to overcome the filters within us.

For years, my career was on the fast-track. I had consistently proven my technical abilities and was convinced that my hard work would suffice in getting me noticed as I approached upper management levels. My naiveté anchored me and it was not long before I found myself on an extended professional plateau. I watched helplessly as others raced up the corporate ladder while my career played in slow motion speed. When I inquired as to the reasons for the stall, the responses were without substance. “You’re on the cusp,” was a recurring theme conjuring vivid images of a barren and abandoned promontory where I watched the action from afar and from which I was unable to escape.

I needed to do something although it was unclear as to what exactly. But what was clear was that I was awakening from a fairy tale in which the heroine gets the prize through hard work alone. I’d like to say that I had a clearly defined plan but I would be lying. Instead, it was more desperation leading to motivation. Perhaps that is exactly the recipe for success. My leadership skills were suddenly put to the test in real time and I armed myself with courage as I took action. In retrospect, my experiences can be rolled up nicely into 3 steps that ultimately led to jump start my career.

1. Believe in yourself!

If you don’t believe in yourself, you’ve already lost the battle. This will be the single most important thing that will get you through any setback and help you up when you stumble. Self-doubt reflects like a neon sign. No one will take you seriously if you lack confidence. Most importantly, remain true to yourself. Never allow anyone to push you past that imaginary line in the sand beyond which you lose sight of yourself.

2. Be bold!

Mr. Nadella is just plain wrong. His advice has never been applicable in any era. Competition is fierce. Men are constantly seeking ways to stand out from the pack. Why would things be any different for women? Get your nose out of the grindstone and take risks. Leap outside your comfort zone and ask for those challenging assignments. Better yet, demand them. Have the courage to risk failure as it will only lead to growth and that gets you further along than through inaction.

3. Be discoverable!

Make your presence known. Women feel uncomfortable in touting our accomplishments and owning our success. This is our issue and we must overcome it. We risk having others see right through us when we sit quietly in the sidelines. Leadership is all about speaking out so let’s get used to it. Yes, go ahead and sit at the table, lean in, raise your hand, and never be afraid to proclaim “Enough!”

These are exciting times where change is in the air. But it takes all of us, collectively and individually, to achieve true gender balanced leadership. So believe in yourself, be bold, be discoverable, and never give up!

Each one of us has an imaginary line in the sand that we refuse to cross and I felt that I had allowed myself to be nudged over my threshold.

It is only in hindsight that I am able to share my lessons learned.

By Rossana G. D’Antonio, PE, GE

woman sitting at deskAfter the financial crash in 2008, many law firms were forced to downsize, combine or dissolve. Unlike after prior market constrictions, the numbers of lawyers hired by firms have not rebounded and this past year law school enrollment was the lowest it had been in 40 years. What does this mean for newly admitted attorneys and experienced attorneys? And how does pro bono fit in to the picture?

The American Bar Association Model Rules of Professional Conduct encourages all attorneys to seek to offer 50 hours of pro-bono service a year. As a result, many state bars have adopted these rules because they recognize the importance of pro bono service. Most attorneys recognize the importance of giving back particularly when many people cannot afford an attorney and often appear in court unrepresented. But beyond these altruistic and aspirational reasons, there are also unintended benefits to those who donate their time — helping others can mean helping yourself too.

A. Developing Your Skill Set

One of the most common complaints from clients about newly admitted lawyers is that they don’t graduate with a lot of practical skills. Additionally, in a constricted economy, many clients are no longer interested in footing the bill for on-the-job training. Pro bono assignments and representations can provide an excellent source of practical training for the newly minted attorney and a means of learning specific legal skills. Such cases often give new attorneys a rare opportunity to meet directly with a client. You will learn how to interview to discover what the client’s legal issues are and what the client hopes to achieve from your representation. You will also learn how to effectively communicate with the client to help them achieve those goals. You may also hone your drafting and negotiation skills. But a pro bono representation should not be undertaken lightly. In order to maximize your learning curve and ensure you can effectively represent your client, proper training in representing the pro bono client is necessary and invaluable.

Many non-profit organizations seeking pro bono volunteers offer training for volunteer attorneys. One of PLI’s very important initiatives is the offering of such pro bono training. We have collaborated with hundreds of legal aid and pro bono entities to develop a curriculum of free programs in practice areas critical to the representation of low-income clients – including housing, family law, government benefits, immigration, veterans’ issues, and more – to train legal services attorneys and attorneys in private practice to take on a pro bono representation. It’s particularly rewarding to learn from participants how valuable our programs have been for projects and roles they have taken on as a result. The best of part of providing pro bono training is knowing that we’ve given attendees the knowledge and tools to make a difference.

B. Learning About New Areas of Law

A benefit for both newly admitted attorneys and more experienced attorneys alike is the chance to explore new areas of the law. In taking on a case in an area outside of your usual practice area you can gain substantive knowledge about new areas of law – immigration, bankruptcy, wills, divorce, veterans’ rights, non-profit incorporations, criminal appeals – the possibilities and opportunities are endless. Indeed, attendees from our many programs have written to share how our program has “sparked interest in helping foster children”; will be used “in helping sick or injured children”; and was “inspiring — led me to contact Legal Aid regarding a pro bono housing case.”

Who knows — you may just discover a passion for a new area of the law that leads you to a new career. At the very least, you will have learned something new and this knowledge might benefit another client, or possibly even a friend or family member down the line.

C. Networking

Another not so obvious benefit to pro bono service is networking. Many law firm clients expect the firms they hire to engage in pro bono work. While doing pro bono work might help you stand out from the pack in the eyes of the client, it will also expand your professional universe. A likely scenario is that through the course of your training and pro bono service you will come in contact with other volunteers, individuals at the non-profits, and maybe even firm clients – and these connections will help you build and expand your professional network. Indeed, an attendee of one of our free training webcasts shared the following story with me. He was between jobs and looking to do some pro bono work. He reached out reluctantly to PLI for a scholarship, a bit torn about admitting he needed the financial help. While watching one of our webcasts, a colleague walked by, asked about the program and his experience, ended up taking him to lunch and retaining him for work. He was so thrilled with the outcome of this scholarship he wrote to thank PLI profusely.

While not everyone will gain a job from their pro bono training there are unintended professional benefits to be had through pro bono service that all attorneys should consider. And there are also the intended benefits – the joy and pride in helping someone in need who otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford an attorney.

*Anita Carr Shapiro is the President of the Practising Law Institute (PLI), the premier continuing legal and professional education organization. She is PLI’s fifth President since 1933, and its first female president.

By Anita Carr Shapiro

Guest advice and opinions not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

women working mentoringCareers today are complex and fast-paced. All of us are continually faced with steep learning curves as we navigate new jobs, new technology, and new global challenges. Beyond this, women must overcome gender stereotypes and negotiate having children during peak career development stages. Great mentors have never been more critical.

In the past, true mentors provided holistic support to their protégés—including instrumental career support, emotional support, and role modeling. Mentors served as sponsors and coaches, protected their protégés politically, and helped them get challenging assignments. All of this is important, but it’s too much for one person to do in today’s demanding workplace.

Reframe the way you think about mentoring and help your protégé do the same. You can and should play an essential part of your protégé’s development, but to succeed she will need a network of mentors, sponsors, coaches, and peers. Instead of helping, you will hurt your protégé if you lead her to believe that you are the only mentor she will need. Explain to her that building relationships is essential for good performance and for getting ahead in the workplace. And the more developmental support she gets the better.

Here are 7 ways to be a great mentor for women:

1. Empower her to lead the conversation.

The best skill you can teach is how to be a good protégé, and a good protégé will take the lead in the relationship. Taking the initiative empowers your protégé to develop leadership skills and take ownership of her career, essential for her long-term success. Thus, as a mentor your role is not to direct the relationship instead your role is to guide your protégé by asking good questions and helping her think through career issues. Discuss goals for the relationship at the outset and be explicit about why you are pushing her to take the lead.

2. Become a sponsor and help her connect with other sponsors.

If you are in a position of influence, think about how to raise your protégé’s visibility. Expose her to the complexities of your role and introduce her to other leaders in positions of power. Raise her name as a high potential candidate for promotion in both formal and informal conversations. It’s notable that women are more willing to ask their managers for stretch assignments with a sponsor behind them.

3. Encourage her to take on challenging assignments.

Succeeding on challenging tasks is how we build self-confidence and self-efficacy, critical for performing in executive roles. Get to know your protégé well enough to help her identify experiences that will grow her skill set. Such high profile projects also serve to build her network, improve her reputation, and prepare her for more responsibility. Help her reflect on these experiences to fully capture the learning and incorporate new skills into her role.

4. Acknowledge gender issues exist.

Your protégé knows that gender may be a factor in her career; it has been a big part of the mainstream media conversation since the publication of Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In. The issue is to recognize the role of gender and consider how it may or may not impact opportunities at your workplace. A key benefit of women mentoring women is the potential comfort in shared experiences. Be open to this conversation. Ask your protégé if/how gender has influenced her career. As appropriate, share your own experiences and how you coped as examples of resiliency. Help her navigate challenges using your knowledge of the people, processes, and culture of your particular organization.

5. Coach on executive presence.

Appearing and sounding professional are important components of impression management. You can help your protégé understand the unwritten rules, those implicit assumptions that underlie behavioral expectations and what is considered suitable for executives in your workplace. Observations on the wardrobes of high profile women are rampant, and good public speaking skills are crucial for aspiring leaders. Give thoughtful feedback on appropriate attire and presentation style to help women put their best foot forward.

6. Help her identify role models.

With women comprising less than 5% of Fortune 500 CEOs, clearly it is a challenge to identify female role models. Try having your protégé think about what she admires about different executives she’s observed. Consider what her goals are and who you know has strengths in areas she needs to develop. Instead of searching for one perfect role model, people can serve as role models for specific skillsets or managerial styles. Building relationships with both male and female mentors will be essential for her success.

7. Urge her to develop mentoring relationships outside your organization.

Everyone needs an objective sounding board outside of their workplace. Encourage your protégé to discuss her career with people from different companies and from different parts of her life (e.g., industry groups, community). External mentors give perspective and can offer fresh approaches to obstacles because they are not embedded in the organization. Women benefit particularly when they connect with mentors who support their goals both inside and outside of work.

To be a great mentor today requires creativity and the flexibility to adapt your approach to your protégé’s needs. In the process, great mentors learn a lot too.

About the author:

Wendy Marcinkus Murphy is an Associate Professor of Management at Babson College and author of Strategic Relationships at Work: Creating Your Circle of Mentors, Sponsors, and Peers for Success in Business and Life.

by Wendy Marcinkus Murphy

women salesHere’s the thing: sometimes we’re selling our ideas, sometimes we’re selling our products and, these days, many of us are selling ourselves as the best candidate for the job/as the person who deserves a promotion. With this in mind, here’s the proven formula for selling your best self to anybody, anywhere, anytime.

First: Yale University did a study of the 12 most persuasive words in the English language. What they discovered is that the most persuasive word in the English language is “you.” Consequently, I recommend throwing it around a lot: “As I’m sure you know,” “As I’m sure you’ve heard,” “I wanted to talk to you today,” etc.

Second: California-based Social Psychologist Ellen Langer revealed that there is one word in the English language that increases the possibility of cooperation from 60 to 94%. No, that is not a typo. I will repeat: 60 to 94%. This word is “Because.”

Lastly: “The Duncan Hines Cake Mix Marketing Theory.” When Duncan Hines first began making cake mix, the decision to have you at home add the egg was made in the marketing department. Why is this effective? Because they realized that when we add the egg we feel proud because we contributed; we can say, “I baked!” How does this work in a business scenario? You need to articulate how you can contribute to the other person’s success and/or how they can contribute to yours so that what is created becomes your shared success.

So that’s your formula: you + because + the egg = success.

Following are three different ways you can apply this formula for success

Talking to an Interviewer:

Too often we spend our interviewing time talking about why we are right for the job. This sounds a lot like, “And I just think this company would be perfect for me/would help me meet my goals.” No. What you need to be talking about is how you are going to contribute to your future boss’s/the company’s success once you are hired.

What might this sound like?

“I wanted to talk to you today because your job description/your company’s mission statement/your bestselling product is X, and my skill set/my personal passion/my sales experience is in Y. Applying the full force of my expertise to this job will enable us both to reach our goals.”

Talking to Your Boss about a Brewing “Situation”:

The use of the word “situation” here is quite deliberate. The White House doesn’t have a “Crisis Room,” they have a “Situation Room.” Likewise, you don’t have a crisis– you have a situation that needs to be resolved.

So, what would the formula for success sound like here?

“I wanted to bring a potential situation to your attention immediately because it requires expert attention. X has occurred and I have come up with the following two, possible solutions. Is there one that you prefer?”

In this instance, their egg is not as much the mention of their expert attention, but the opportunity you are giving them to apply that expertise to two possible resolution strategies. Having them to choose which they prefer (and tell you why it’s far better) not only allows them to add their egg, but to choose the temperature at which the solution is “baked.”

Talking to a Potential Target at a Networking event

Too many networking events are about what others can do for us, rather than what we can do for them. In my experience, however, the most successful networkers aren’t asking, “What can you do for me?” but “What can I do for you?” In this scenario, then, the formula would likely sound like this:

“Hello, I’m X,” (if your target is standing with another person, or in a group, introduce yourself to everyone present.) “I wanted to introduce myself because I know you are the visionary behind X idea/product/company, and I wanted to introduce you to Y/write about you in my newsletter/ask if I could help you organize your next charity event.”

As you can see, the offer doesn’t need to be huge — the fact that you made it at all is what helps you stand out. Leaving room for them to add the egg of their choice is what will ensure your successful connection.

Happy baking!

Guest Contribution by Frances Cole Jones

Guest advice and opinions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

woman typing on a laptopThis Week’s Tip Is…

Successful narrative

Think about how all business leaders tend to have an “arc” to their story. What is your arc? How does the tasks you do, and the projects completed, add up to a narrative for your career?

Welcome to Career Tip of the Week. In this column we aim to provide you with a useful snippet of advice to carry with you all week as you navigate the day to day path in your career.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Career-newsHow can women leaders increase their odds of being more successful after they’ve received negative feedback or suffered a work setback?

Answers to this question abound: Be more aggressive, capitalize on natural people skills, speak up more, avoid organizations with glass ceilings – the list can go on.

There’s nothing wrong with any of these answers except that they can sometimes have limited value, as we often struggle to succeed due to internal rather than external reasons.

For over twenty years, I have used a leadership assessment tool developed by well-known psychologist Robert Hogan that identifies and helps manage what he refers to as “derailers”. Hogan’s definition of derailers is personality traits that emerge under stress when we lose our ability to regulate behaviors because our brain goes into a self-protection mode. Unaddressed, these actions can sabotage relationships as well as careers.

In my book, Beauty Queen: Inside the Reign of Avon’s Andrea Jung, I wrote extensively on the impact of Andrea’s pleaser “derailer” – avoiding conflict or the tough calls and trying to appease others in order to maintain harmony. Andrea was a brilliant and highly successful leader, but the combination of intense stress and difficult circumstances (the loss of her second-in-command) allowed her derailer to diminish her effectiveness. I have coached many women who possess this derailer and I’ve witnessed how it causes them to stay quiet and fail to speak up. This derailer is related to risk taking, and it affects not only business decisions but also taking personal risks such as voicing a minority opinion in a meeting or making a controversial comment. In these women’s minds, the self-protection mode can kick in and often unconsciously, they believe it is better to “play it safe” and not say anything versus having their opinions disparaged.

Be aware, too, that understanding the context is crucial when it comes to assessing the impact of derailers on women leaders. For example, I coached Joan, a senior vice president with a large organization. Her derailer was mischievous – under stress she circumvented the rules or created her own rules to get results. In Joan’s previous organization, this behavioral mischief resulted in her being labeled a true innovator who broke through outdated processes to turn around a tired brand. In Joan’s current role, she is being labeled as non-collaborative and a lone ranger. Her previous organization’s culture was more aligned with her values and personality while her current organization’s culture is known as more conservative and operating by the book. Recall that all derailers possess a flip side. In Joan’s case, the daring and provocative moves that helped her succeed in one organization are causing her to fail in another company. Context means a lot, especially for women leaders who tend to be given labels that are difficult to shake.

I worked with another woman, Tanya, who was overly cautious and worked in an organization with an overly cautious culture and business strategy – they were never the first to market but followed the market leader with decreasing success. As part of a corporate shake-up, more aggressive managers were brought in. Tanya’s new manager gave her some pretty tough feedback about not only the need to speak up but to push the envelope with her plans and programs. Again, a changing context affected how Tanya’s overly cautious behavior was perceived. What helped Tanya succeed in one context caused her to struggle in another.

Derailers are part of who we are, so you can’t get rid of your derailers. But you can learn to manage them. The management process can be more difficult for women leaders than men, in part because bosses are sometimes more willing to give tough feedback to men because it’s assumed they can “take it”. In some companies, too, male leaders are more likely to receive coaching than female leaders. Therefore, you may need to learn how to manage your derailer yourself.

Here are some tips for doing so:
  • Know what the “buzz” is about you–what people say about you behind your back usually leads right back to your derailers. Ask your friends, partner and spouse what you do under stress. They always know and can often be your best coach. If you hear that you have too much pride, never ask for help and have trouble admitting you’ve made a mistake, then arrogance is your likely derailer.
  • Discover what pushes your buttons. I worked with one colleague who always got under my skin with her cynicism and bitterness, and I became a different and very untrusting individual when we tangled. Every time we argued, I became confrontational and angry—this was not my usual mode of operation. By identifying how you react when your buttons are pushed, you can receive additional clues about your derailing trait.
  • Understand your context. Be aware of how your derailer fits within your organization’s culture. Figure out the norms of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Ask yourself whether this has changed with new leadership and how it’s affected you.
  • Take action and get tactical. Tanya, the overly cautious woman I coached, needed to speak up more, so she set a target of stating her opinion at least 5 times in every meeting she attended. After a while, speaking up became a habit.

Finally, be aware that in many organizational settings, women are reluctant to admit to themselves or others that they have a flaw. We’ve been conditioned to believe that we have to be better, stronger, and smarter than our male counterparts if we want to succeed. Thus, we can be reluctant to consider that we might have a derailing tendency.

But all of us have them, be we men or women, young or old, CEOs or neophytes. By being aware of your most impactful derailer and making an effort to counteract its effect especially when you’re under stress and it’s causing you problems, you can counteract its negative effect. Managing your derailer doesn’t guarantee women leaders success, but it certainly levels the playing field in more ways than one.

Guest Contribution by Deborrah Himsel

Deborrah Himsel is the author of Beauty Queen: Inside the Reign of Avon’s Andrea Jung. She is also an educator and executive coach – www.himselandassociates.com

Guest advice and opinions not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

Business meetingRecently, I had the privilege of facilitating webcasts on women in leadership for the Association of Talent Development (ATD), the world’s largest professional training organization, and for the career services program for Georgetown University alumni association.

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business-race-women-and-men-in-officeFor the first time in history, 40 percent of American families are now helmed by a primary breadwinner woman. More women than ever before are struggling to balance both financial and emotional responsibility for the wellbeing of their families.

Despite our successes, women continue to face cultural and career challenges as we rise through the corporate ranks. Equal pay remains an issue even at the highest tiers of the corporate ladder, with a recent study by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research showing that female CEOs still earn just 80 percent of what their male counterparts earn.

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