Design a Quitting Plan: Opportunity Cost is Real in Your Career

Nicki Gilmour
Stop doing things at work that don’t work. Heard this before?

Has anyone told you to quit unproductive habits, or even quit your job? Well, today we are going to talk about not quitting.  At least, when you shouldn’t.

How many of us quit at the wrong time? When the going gets tough? The other side of the coin is that so many more do not quit something when we should ( job, project, partner, habit etc.) to do something better that we do not know exists yet.

Beyond being a coach and keeping my knowledge up to par, I love reading good personal and professional development books. I can be found having a little peace away from the madding crowd on the floor of a Barnes and Noble in summer months when work is less crazy. Air conditioning an added bonus. Recently, I picked up Seth Godin’s “the dip: a little book that teaches you when to quit (and when to stick)” and it resonated deeply for this column and the career advice I offer. Seth has a great blog too and this book is based on this blog “The four curves of want and get.”

Basically, the dip, according to Seth, is the moment we want to quit in the hard bit. This means when we feel exhausted or frustrated in our career, working out, or trying to learn new skills generally. Sometimes, things get hard, setbacks happen. No new news there, but why this book is a good and quick read (but gender bias in his examples at every turn in the book with implicit assumptions around the best being portrayed as a man continually is my only critique of an otherwise fabulous read), is that it compels you to think about why you quit when you do.

What is worth pushing through to the other side?

This little gem of a book talks about what criteria can be created to give yourself the permission to quit for the right reasons and at the right time. Invaluable.

Why is it that some of us don’t quit when we should?  When there is a dead end or a cliff that ultimately creates a downfall or loss for us in some way?

It got me thinking about so many of the people I coach.

It is my opinion that we are all in a state of quitting, we just do not know it. Much like Steven Covey’s identified habit of ‘begin with the end in mind’ in his book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, success often comes with an exit strategy or a desired outcome.

We might be at the start of the curve and full of enthusiasm. But, over time it is inevitable that we are fighting entropy, boredom or irrelevance unless we find new ways to do things. We should know our mission and our end goal but change the product, tactic, approach where necessary, quit those things, but not the stuff that makes us great and makes us happy.

Seth Godin agrees, “The best quitters are those who decide to quit in advance, not because of panic or momentary dip. When you are being asked to settle for less, compromise or drop out, your desire to quit should be at its lowest. If it’s the easiest time to give up that is not the time to give up. “

He continues, “Strategic quitting is a conscious decision you make based on the choices that are available to you. If you realize you are at a dead end compared to what you could be investing in, quitting is not a reasonable choice, it’s a smart one.”

You should quit when you are facing a cliff or a dead end. Forget pride, sunken costs, quit when you know you can do better or be better or have more of what you want.

What is the bigger picture?

So, the message here is don’t quit your job if there is still value to you in the firm or industry, quit the way you do your job or quit the team or manager or even the firm. But, know what you want and need to know what you have to do to get it.

Need help figuring this all out? Work with a career coach – schedule a free exploratory chat to see if coaching is for you with Nicki Gilmour here.

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How To Get Promoted

If getting promoted at work is on your goal list for the rest of the year, or part of early ruminations for a new year resolution for next year, how then can you do your best to achieve your goal?

How To Get PromotedHere are some things to consider:

1. Do you know what the formal promotional process is? Are you in it? What do you need to do criteria wise to get into it? Who drives it in your firm? What roles respectively do your boss(es) and HR play? What other stakeholders are important?

2. What job do you want? Do you want to take the next promotional step as defined by the company? If so, great, take time to understand the competencies needed to make the leap – both hard skills and behaviors. All jobs have tasks that we prefer over other tasks. Be honest with yourself, how strategically important are the tasks that you are avoiding and how will that impact you when being considered for the promotion?

3. If you do not want the linear next step, think about what you like doing, with who and why you enjoy it. This is a great way to distill what would be a good expansion of your role or even a lateral or a non-linear upward move to a different department. Then, work with your sponsor, boss and HR to craft your path.

4. Culturally, take a long hard look at what behaviors get rewarded at your firm. Do they equally get rewarded no matter what gender you are? What flies? What does not get tolerated? What grabs senior management’s attention? This is an important analysis to do as these data points are all keys to seeing what the future could look like so that you can proactively manage your career, every step of the way.

If you would like to work with an executive coach on navigating the terrain, schedule a free exploratory chat with Nicki Gilmour here.

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How do you know if you are ready for a job change?

People leave jobs for many reasons.

Is it time to change jobs, change firms or leave the industry? (F)However, the more senior you are in the organization and the longer you have been there, the psychological grip on you to stay there is usually higher. You might tell yourself you are staying for practical reasons like bonuses or vested equity or deferred comp. All of these are valid for sure but really how much money are we talking and have you looked at how that money can be cashed in even if you do stay or leave?

Are you using that as an excuse to mask a deeper fear of the unknown? If you have been at a place for over ten years, it is totally normal to think about how could you possibly find a new job in a different firm and question what would that be like, culturally.

How do you know if you are ready for a change?

Hermina Ibarra provides an excellent survey in her amazing book “Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader” (I recommend it to my coaching clients regulary)

Have a go at answering the questions with a yes or a no.

  1. Have you been in the same job or career path for at least seven years?
  2. Do you find yourself restless professionally?
  3. Do you find your job more draining than energizing?
  4. Do you resent not having more time for outside interests or family?
  5. Do you have a changing family configuration that will allow you to explore other options?
  6. Are you admiring folks around you who are making big changes?
  7. Has your work lost some meaning for you?
  8. Do you find that your career ambitions are changing?
  9. Recent events have left me appraising what I really want?
  10. Do you find your enthusiasm has waned for your work projects?

If you got 6-10 yeses then you could already be deeply in a career-transitioning period. Make time to reflect on your goals and see if your life goals are evolving also.

If you got 3-5 yeses then you may be entering a career-transitioning period. Work to increase insights and “outsights” which are new horizons that appear from doing new things and meeting new people.

If you got 2 or less yeses then you are more likely to be in a career-building period in your current job so you are busy working on
developing within that role, team or firm.

If you would like to work with Nicki Gilmour as your coach, you can have a free complementary call to discuss what is on your mind and to see if there is a fit and see if coaching is for you. Book your preliminary meeting with Nicki here.

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Got laid off? What to do next.

Nicki GilmourCompanies downsize and restructure, and if you are reading this from a seat in the financial services industry then you know that this cycle is probably about to start soon if you haven’t already seen some movement on this already.

If your company is downsizing and you got a tap on the shoulder informing you that your team is being consolidated and there is no place for you or, in a more extreme fashion, they even marched you out of the building, then what should you do? Recover.

You are faced with choices, albeit unconscious sometimes, of how to recover and to move on and up to bigger and better. This is an opportunity. Frame it that way, do not take it personally.

Yes, there are many emotions and thoughts involved with this type of situation. The best thing you can do is let go of any negative emotion (anger, bitterness, etc.) and list what you enjoyed most and what you enjoyed least about both the job itself and the company culture. This will help you figure out what is next for you, professionally!

If you have any kind of financial cushion, make a promise to yourself that you will not make rash decisions and instead take the time to reflect on what you really want to do next.

What do you really want? More satisfaction, more time, more flexibility, more money, a different title, a different industry? What do you want less of? What is on your “should” list?  Defining that is a great way to purge what you think you have to do, as opposed to want you actually want to do.

These are all elements that you can now think about as maybe it is time to go up the ladder or take a lateral move?  Either way, now is ultimately an ideal time to figure out what you want and what works for you at this juncture as last time you interviewed for a job, you might have been in a different place in your life. Not least, you have a chance to think about your enhanced skillset since that last time around.

If you need a coach to help you navigate what is next, we offer coaching services and you can have a free exploratory call to see if coaching is for you with Nicki Gilmour, head of theglasshammer and certified coach by booking a time here. 

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Resume Anxiety? Just tell your story.

By Nicki Gilmour

Nicki GilmourMany people, despite having amazing experience in their career, have anxiety when writing their resume.

Especially if they have not had the resume out in circulation for a while or have always gotten a job via their network.

There are certainly rules of the road and I enjoyed this article on the practical things to do when prepping your resume. But, the bigger issue is why is putting together your resume such a big deal for most of us? Or, rather, a task we would really like to put off until we really have to do it?

I think the intense focus I have observed in my coaching clients who are thinking of moving jobs, and therefore have the question of a resume update, is very much linked with having to feel perfect. It makes sense to feel vulnerable to rejection as we put ourselves out there after many years at a firm. And so many of us reading this are overachievers, but some of us are what is known as ‘insecure overachievers’ whereby we strive for the best for our own validation and we are very hard on ourselves. We can go overboard when we just need to step back and think “What is my career narrative? What do I do well that I want to continue doing?” and finally “What context is provided for this next potential job that I can take my vast experience and apply specifically to it in a version?”

Ultimately, the person reviewing your resume probably doesn’t know you well. Make it easy for them to understand the story so far.

Taking my own advice to show you how we fall in the pitfalls.

As a coach when I am often asked to review my client’s resume to which I say:

“I am happy to do that with the caveat that that I am not a resume expert.”

Now, the coach here has to take her own medicine as I just did and continue to do is what so many really talented women do, negate actual experience with self-deprecating self talk de-authorizing ourselves from the job.

What did I do? I had a thought that led to a familiar personal (and cultural, hello Brits!) behavior.

The truth is, I am actually pretty qualified to look at resumes as I have seen many since I was head of efinancialcareers back in the early job board days and launched the product from one job posting and one resume up. I have run start ups and hired probably 100 people myself with a resume as the starting point. I am an executive coach who has seen probably 100 resumes this year!

See how I just put out to the world that somehow I could not help them with this simple task? I did not think about what I could do in terms of what I have done quite formally and informally for the past fifteen years.

How does this play out in your story? Has your brain gotten so used to a task that you have told yourself that somehow something you do very often and well, isn’t a skill? The narrative we tell the world can be very different to what we have actually got experience in. We think of who we are through the lens of the narrative we have been telling ourselves very often.

The coaching process will be a distilling process for you to know who you are, what you want, what mental models are stopping you such as confidence, avoidance, fear of rejection or being seen as x, y or z only as examples.

You are in charge of your story and coaching can help figure out how to tell it. You have the answers, let me bring the questions.

If you are interested in a free exploratory chat to understand if coaching is for you, and to find out more about how Nicki works ( methodology, price etc) and to see if there is a fit, book a call here.

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Unpacking Stress at Work Part 1: Mismatched Expectations!

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach, CEO and Founder of theglasshammer.com

As a coach, many clients come to me because they are somewhat dissatisfied at work. Often they have been happy for years and a new structure or a new job in the firm has made them question if they should leave the team or even the firm.

It is rarely ever the tasks that make people wrestle with the big question of “Should I stay or should I go” as senior people find ways of navigating and delegating where appropriate. In fact people can love their tasks, the day to day of what they actually do, but hate their role.

How come? Simply put, because a role can consist of responsibilities that are not aligned with the appropriate authority to execute leaving people feeling like they cannot succeed on their mission. This can show up as having no formal authority around managing the people who have to deliver on a product or a behavior, or having no budget or resources to make the goal happen.

If you suspect you are there, ask yourself three questions:

  1. “Does this role have definitive responsibilities that require tangible results?”
  2. “Am I the type of person who needs to see tangible outcomes for my own well-being/sense of self? or for my formal reward or evaluation?”
  3. “In this role, will I have the ability to deliver part or all of the solution or product via myself and a team that I have control over in some way or another such as reporting line, resources and budget? What could stop this from running smoothly?”

If you say yes to needing to see tangible results, your job requires it and your current position gives you the ability to execute on your responsibilities such as call clients, sell them a product and let a qualified and competent team fulfill on the order (or even deliver it yourself), then my guess is, things are good unless you are a horrible boss (which is for another day).

However, if you say yes to the tangible results piece and your job has you taking on a nebulous or aspirational mission, without any team, budget or ability to infiltrate and change core aspects of the company or system, then you might feel the tension.

Lastly, maybe you do not need or have not been given formal responsibilities around tangible results and in this case then advocacy or influencer work tends not create such a rub organizationally or for the individual except when the individual has a high sense of tangible achievements for their own validation.

If you would like to work with a coach because you are experiencing any of the above and want to talk through your options and make a plan of action, Nicki Gilmour is taking on 5 new clients for summer only and you can book a free exploratory chat with her here.

Nicki is a qualified coach and holds a masters from Columbia University in Organizational Psychology and is the Founder of theglasshammer.com

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Should I stay or should I go? Are you thinking of leaving for the right reasons?

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Nicki Gilmour - Founder of The Glasshammer.comShould I stay in my job or leave to go to a new firm? This is often the question that brings people to coaching.

There is no simple answer to this, but there are ways to truly explore what is best for you.

I can break these down into three categories:

1. Systemic dysfunction – is there misalignment in the way people and processes meet? Is the culture and how work gets done around here, one of inconsistent management practices with no real support with process and policy to ensure good behaviors happen? Is leadership lacking? Is the mission unclear? Are you able to do your job the way you see fit?

2. You – your mental models, behaviors, reaction and actions.

3. Them – other people and their mental models, behaviors, reactions and actions.

It is only by looking at these factors that you can make an assessment of whether staying or leaving is best. You go with you to the next job so repeating patterns won’t bring you happiness or success if those patterns needs to be broken.

I am now taking up to 15 new coaching clients for Spring/Summer – if you are interested in signing up and working with me for 5 sessions, book in for an exploratory call to see if I can help you over the next 6-9 months so you can develop, grow, succeed and feel renewal at work.

Testimonials from mid to senior level professionals available.

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Equal Pay Day or Groundhog Day?

Nicki GilmourThis is a short column today in the aftermath of the flurry of a mixture of interesting and repetitive pieces on how white men still get paid (in aggregate) more for the same job done as other people ( aka women of varying creeds and non-white men) because they are white men.

Groundhog day? Same old, same old? Seems to be that way because the advice given yesterday is the same advice we have seen for the entire lifespan of theglasshammer (12 years and counting).

Now, we all know that many of our readers work in Wall Street and industries that feed from it, so at what point is this a non-issue? We work all the hours in the world available and we earn the big bucks, right? Yes, but even at this level and in this profession, the bias around just who you are born as body-wise does effect your paycheck and promotional track; if it wasn’t true, your executive committees and partners wouldn’t be sending me press releases for having 10-30% women on it. It would be anywhere between 50-100%. When companies get floated (IPO’ed) you see how much directors get paid – often shocking to see who gets paid the most overall and a clue is, it isn’t all the women, ever.

I have nothing to add as after seeing the same (non-) discussion happen for the full twelve years of running the glasshammer.com I can only share five pieces of advice:

1. Research and awareness seems to be changing nothing.

2. Instead of spending a day writing and reading about it, spend the day building your business and make money if you are in a revenue role.

3. Ask for as much money and bonus and equity as you can next time you change jobs as payment is definitely an art as well as a science, and on a scale (I see this very much as an executive coach, where you ask and you get it).

4. Ask for transparency where you can get it and by doing that, yes, work for good companies. But, ultimately, fight for your best deal.

5. Do not waste your time speaking with people who do not get it. They do not want to get it when they throw up arguments around parenting, maternity, etc. They merely want to maintain the patriarchy and status quo which makes us believe white men and their needs are worth more than the rest of us. This great study called “Still A Man’s Labor Market” measures the pay gap over time and therefore includes time off which results in women being paid anywhere from 30-70% less than men over time due to the gap. Therefore the 87% often quoted is when factors are equal such as same work hours, same job, same education, same ethnicity (which is a whole other topic as intersectionality drops wages further). Catalyst, the gender think tank, back in 2010 produced a great piece of work on “Pipeline’s Broken Promise” which is worth a look, still.

Last time I checked university degrees cost the same for both genders, and food, gas and housing does too.

Money talks.

Here is a round up of great articles from us over the years on this topic, in case you missed them, because if we do not learn and instead keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results, then we are plain crazy.

2008: Equal Pay Day Draws Attention to Wage Inequality
2012: The Wage Gap Explained
2012: He Said, She Said: Recalculating the Gender Wage Gap
2013: What to Do on Equal Pay Day

Solutions

2016: How Digital Could Deliver Workplace Gender Equality in 25 Years
2018: Hidden Truths About Making Gender Equality Possible for Ambitious Dual Career Couples
2018: Tips for Women on Negotiating Salary Now That Equal Pay is Mandated

Enjoy!

If you need a career/executive coach to get you to your next job and secure the best deal, work with us!

Nicki@thglasshammer.com – empowering women one at a time while fixing the systemic inequities, as that will take a while.

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Happy International Women’s Day 2019. Does Change Start Here?

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Nicki Gilmour

Celebrations and recognition of women and women specific issues are being highlighted today around the world and inside corporate offices. Celebrating and making people aware of amazing women and their accomplishments is excellent. Shedding light on social, economic or cultural issues that do not get enough attention is also great. Better to have it, than not have it for sure.

However, does change happen because of it? No, change requires more than a day of talking and a hashtag (which by the way is officially #balanceforbetter which hints at two things, balance of power, not just more balance for women)

But, when all is said and done, it is just a hashtag that means pretty much zero when it comes to actual behaviorial change or any action for anyone whatsoever. Now that we have named the elephant in the room on the sheer vacancy of going through the motions of pretense, perhaps we can talk real talk about change?

Awareness is the first step. But, only the first step in change.

How do we achieve parity. equality, equity or meritocracy?

I like the #biascorrect idea that Catalyst is motioning this IWD (International Women’s Day). Stereotypes limit us. Anyone who has ever been stereotyped will tell you that. Catalyst provide resources to address that bias and in this instance, convey that words matter.

What is less discussed, are the false positive stereotypes and head starts that many women and many men but not all, give to men as leaders and heads of teams, families, power structures generally. That is the balance of power piece we really need to discuss.

What can you do?

Recognize that you probably implicitly have bias. We all do. I coach people to examine their paradigms regularly, as your mental model is formed via your life experiences and their context. That means, you probably are operating off ideas that your family and society told you was the “way it is” and that way it was, was steeped in notions of one gender’s needs being met before others.

Socialization, not brain differences feed into cognitive process whereby we place evaluative meaning on everything. Men are not from Mars and Women are not from Venus. We are all from Earth. The backlash we are seeing is due to people trying to maintain a historically granted place of power and is not surprising. The protection of the patriarchy by women,  is to do with their socialization under men’s rules and women’s place in the structure of society so far, secure but secondary so fear on an unknown alternative prevents change and fuels racism, nationalism, and is why we see sexism by women against women.

We need to educate everyone on the benefits of equality and equity as the patriarchy is a system not a gender or a person and does not serve very many people other than the bad guys ( their reckoning is here, though) in this modern world.

It is only when we stop our bias cognitively, and make efforts to behaviorally change that we can be freed from false expectations around diversity parties, celebrations and hashtags actually changing anything. Stop asking the women to balance for better and start asking everyone to stop believing everything they think to be true. Test assumptions for best results.

Enjoy this satire piece in The NY Times today. I could not agree more.

Enjoy the day, however you spend it.

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Effective Networking for Female Professionals: The Old Girls Club?

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By Nicki Gilmour

It is Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day this week (Friday 8th March, 2019) so tune in for hard hitting editorial on women’s advancement at work, like we do the other fifty weeks of the year also.

According to a new study published last month, women should be networking with other women as well as men if they want to land more prestigious and better paid jobs. This study of suggests women need a women-only inner circle and a larger, well-connected network generally. The study analyzed the peer networks and job placements of 728 students at leading university, representing two class years, from an MBA program in 2006 and 2007. All of the graduates landed leadership jobs, so the (well respected) researchers ranked the positions according to prestige and other factors. The subjects studied consisted of 542 were men and 186 women, which is roughly consistent with the researchers’ findings that women make up about a quarter of business school students nationwide. The conclusion being that a person’s network composition regarding gender split can predict the career success of women. Wired magazine broke down the study and talked to the study authors and interpreted the study with the main message being women and men who are connected to other well-connected peers across their social network do better. In addition, it is extrapolated that women thrive from “gender-specific private information and support.” And men do not need insider information to thrive and advance because, wait for it ‘work is built for them’. Words that interested me from the study’s lead author, Northwestern University data scientist, Brian Uzzi, he goes on to state,

“Quite frankly, most of the jobs are still male-dominated and therefore the kind of private information that’s so important to help women get ahead isn’t as important to men’s advancement,”

Despite Brain Uzzi being possible the leading network expert, a respected expert in social psychology with a very respectable body of work that no one can argue with and some really good advice, it is hard to accept that his conclusion from just final job outcome is the end of the story.

For me, it is very much the opening of the conversation around bias, gender stratification and gender roles, because people decide if the men and women of this study get hired and people negotiate offers for salaries. That is to say, a man and a woman could have made the same connection at the same networking mixer, but the man got hired.

But, if we take this study at face value, then we can conclude that this is not new news as we know women have to work twice as hard at networking just as they do with other areas.

Uzzi shares his opinion on how he feels women should behave via his interpretation only of the results,

“When it comes to networking, women need two things and men only need one, so for every one contact a man makes, a woman has to split her time between the contact that’s going to give her market information and the contact who’s going to give her private information. If you’ve got to split the time between the two, you’ve got to be very smart about the kinds of choices you make.”

It is not a revelation that women have to work harder or are given less credibility for the same thing, or are dinged for same traits. Nor is it a shock to most of you that you do get the scoop from other women, because it could be friendship or a deeper phenomenon involving “out group” dynamics. Call it what you will, because what is real that we pay the same money for those MBAs so we need a way to ensure we get the same Return on Investment as literally the next guy. And for the love of golf, do not ask us to play unless you want to and even then, you are not one of them.

A step backwards?

What this research does not talk about is what men can do to prevent women from having to make choices. You can be a good man yet not be a man who advocates for women to have equal pathways to success.

Then, #metoo comes along with the shouts of “not all men” which of course is entirely valid because we all know some really great caring men who understand consent and respect and where the lines of proper behavior lie. The problem with the “not all men” chant is that it can silence the nuance of useful conservation around “although you do not, but by virtue of a legacy power structure you probably could be you were inclined to, therefore how do we ensure the bad guys are stopped by a new structure so you do not ever have to feel lumped in with them, because you are in fact part of the solution”. Instead, out of fear many men have taken a step back from interacting with women at work. Not helpful. Just actually more indulgent of a privilege to withdraw of a historically dominant group instead of facing the work that has to be done. Some people do not have that privilege to say no without consequence.

Networking past the biases and fear

Most networking information is entirely based on men networking with men with male examples given as an argument for basing your connection on hobbies and passions. Herminia Ibarra’s work clearly delineates the differences between personal, operational and strategic networks and is worth a read.

In this era of strong gender roles still being perpetuated by most people, men and women alike (granted glimpses of hope around understanding the negative effects on boys as well as girls of the patriarchy and toxic masculinity), it no shock that men continue to network with each other in the way they have always known how, excited primal physical arousal states usually with sports and competition. Which is why we have to believe there are physiological differences without believing we are beholden to them. We all have the ability to disrupt our cognitive process with a behavior change. That goes for women too. Start with your own biases. How much do you do love the patriarchy? Odd question you might think, but really look at to what extent do you favor men and boy’s needs over those of women and girls? This question is not about whether you like men or whether you believe in raising strong daughters or whether your husband does the dishes. It is a question about your own value sets, deep, intrinsic ones that are probably buried in your unconscious and then how that affects your conscious and unconscious behaviors.

Why do you go to women for information and perhaps comfort but not for promotion, stretch projects and general greatness? Why do men get immediate credibility and do you give it freely while in parallel asking women to prove themselves?

As we enter the hoopla, ceremony and celebration of International Women’s Day, the question to ask yourself is where are you on this spectrum of consciously and unconsciously endorsing for men because they are men, because it’s a spectrum we are all on.

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