By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Models

Image via Shutterstock

When I am coaching within the first 30 mins, I hear mental models and worldviews come out of every client’s mouth. I also hear it in friends and social situations whether I try to or not. Mental models are the paradigms that we walk around with, the inner voice and inner theater that plays inside our heads and is the biggest enhancer or constrainer of our careers and of our lives. This inner voice is built by what we were told as kids by our families, our observations on what we could and could not get away, as well as what society messages us overtly and implicitly.

The point is, if you can understand the phrases that control you and can override the “way it is” and ask yourself why do i believe x, y, z is how it has to be, then great progress can be made.

A typical example of a common mental models that might be standing in your way is:
– Trust is earned. This is obviously a righteous sentence that many of us agree with but at what point are you not trusting your bosses and team and how is that preventing optimal results?

So, how do you begin to change this? It is engrained and hard to shift but entirely possible to do so. Surface it with a coach, understand how it serves you and how it perhaps gets in your way. Does it get you to where you want to go?

I also personally have found reading articles that i agree and entirely disagree with, are entirely helpful to me personally on issues that I know I am drawn to and that are my kryptonite. By opening my mind to seeing things from other people’s angles and viewpoints, I can add to my knowledge on the subject (I tend to go for academic rather than opinion based reading) but also ensure that i am not in an echo chamber of people who believe the same thing as I do.

It is a journey and it does take time, but investigating and exploring what you think and why you think it, can be not only career enhancing as you become a better leader but if you allow it, it can be a gift.

To explore how your mental models are holding you back, book an exploratory coaching call with Nicki at 646 6882318

Two-thirds-of-women-in-fund-management-have-experience-sexism-finds-FTfm-surveyBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

My consistent discovery in my ten years of this work is that women are often serious perpetrators when it comes to sexism against women, albeit quite unconsciously by buying into stereotypes and deferring all authority to any male on most subjects.

Bell Hooks says it best in her excerpt of a book called The Will to Change about why the system of patriarchy is an ugly one that if reinforced by whoever, we will never make progress.

She makes the point which escapes most people which is until we stop denying that we live in an underlying system that stacks the cards against gentle boys in favor of endorsing a tougher, rougher version which as its worst is ‘toxic masculinity’ then we can do whatever we want, but it will be a lose/lose for all concerned.

So what are 3 things you can do today to walk the talk of “Being the change that you want to see in the world?”
  • Break stereotypes when and where you see them being flung around. Men aren’t all left brain, women aren’t all right brain and that Mars and Venus nonsense is insulting.
  • Be yourself and speak from the heart and on brave days speak truth to power as safely as you can.
  • Play the game but only to play enough to change the game so that tomorrow and the next day, the game is less ridiculous for others.
What are 3 things that you have to stop doing?
  • Don’t give a wider behavioral range to your sons with a boys will be boys attitude yet narrowly confine your daughters to defined and different behavioral criteria.
  • Don’t put up with casual sexism at work or home- Casual sexism or micro aggressions are often invisible and so part of the culture that you dont even realize that it is happening. Learn how to spot it and disrupt it on the spot.
  • Don’t regale every boy and man you see with the authority to be the expert, or even to have an opinion on everything. Mansplaining is boring and happens because we all allow men to think if they read a sentence of a topic that you have to listen to them even if you have a Phd in the subject.

Not everyone has the same appetite to be a change agent and that’s ok. But, please know that if you are colluding then you are part of the problem. Something to think about today!

CV / ResumeBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Dust off your resume and update it for a pivot to a new career.

When was the last time that you looked at your resume? Do you even have one? People often do not think about their resume or CV until they are actively applying for jobs and even then there is usually only one version.

Would it be terrible to have more than one version depending on which direction you want to go. Chances are you had a multitude of experiences that you can shape into categories. If you didnt strictly work in operations, can you sit and think about tasks and projects that were operations based? How would that translate into a narrative? If there is in all honesty very little there, then you can make a call about whether you truly want to pivot into that area and decide what you can do to increase your experience, pick up skills and apply at appropriate levels for jobs.

Success is the end goal. Do not forget that! And, you only have one life so just because you spend many years in one function doesn’t mean you have to do it forever.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Many times, people come to me and they have suffered at work.

Be it a perceived slight, being undermined or even harassed in a very real way. It is normal to want to leave the team, firm or in some cases the industry itself. When coaching, we look hard at whether you just need to leave a manager or whether yes in reality you are ready for a complete change of scene. Knowing what you like doing is crucial and we work on getting to the heart of the matter. But, equally it is important to understand that feelings are real. However, the brain can trick us significantly. There is a cognitive theory by Kant that suggests that we see danger so we think we are in danger (thought) and feel fear (emotion) so we run. Brain science is telling us that if we saw a tiger once, chances are we are hyper-vigilant for the next one. We run sometimes because we are feeling fear due to thinking we see a tiger, before we actually see one.

How do we ensure we do not leave the firm or the industry for the wrong reasons? Women and other minority group members are susceptible to this because often yes we saw a tiger once and that is no lie.

Work with a good coach to know if you are anticipating scenarios before they happen and reason out what impact this is having in how you engage, operate and even consider new roles

If you are interested in hiring an executive coach contact nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com directly for a no obligation discussion

millennials-featuredGuest contributed by Sarah Landrum

Having a successful protégé reflects well on you and adds to the progress of professional women everywhere. So mentally brace yourself for the mentor/mentee relationship.

Remember what it was like to be an inexperienced person? Once you are mentally prepared to start molding a successful protégé, you must then prepare yourself for the patience it will take to get started.

Whether or not you had a mentor when you were younger, you can still relate to the feeling of being the new person in the office. As someone who has now been in the grind for years, you may have a tough time knowing where to start with your mentee. Well, think back.

When you were the new person, what qualities did you appreciate in your colleagues? Most likely, you wanted to work with those who:

  • Were patient with you
  • Answered your questions
  • Never treated you in a condescending way
  • Offered their assistance when they sensed conflict or concerns
  • Took a genuine interest in your work and well-being
  • Helped you to reach your goals
  • Took notice of things you did well, and made helpful suggestions on things they saw that could be improved

Now that you’re on the other side of the mentor/mentee relationship, you can make good use of these memories.

With your mentee, discuss expectations — both yours and theirs. Set goals. Pay attention to their progress. Give feedback. Be supportive. Offer advice, but also listen. And, most importantly, take a genuine interest in their work and well-being.

Appreciate Generational Differences

More than likely, your near-future mentees are going to be millennials. Like every generation, millennials have their own set of concerns, indignations, interests, goals and talents.
Millennials are generally tech-savvy, environmentally conscious, insistent upon equal rights, adventurous, innovative and generally more interested in finding meaningful work than the largest paycheck or the best job security they can get.

However, despite the differences between millennials and non-millennials, all of the millennial-specific qualities can be channeled toward the greater good of a business. It’s up to you, as a mentor, to find the benefits these qualities have to offer, and to guide your mentees to apply them correctly.

Parting Thoughts

No matter who your mentee is — man or woman, intern or new hire, millennial or baby boomer — it’s up to you to help them succeed. The best way to do this is to understand what it means to be a mentor. It takes patience, dedication and a genuine investment in their progress.

If you decide to take on the role of the mentor, embrace the qualities that make you uniquely successful and help your mentee to do the same. And, as you learn and grow alongside your protégé, know that you’re doing your part for the advancement of professional women.

(The views and opinions of Guest Contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com)

 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Pyschologist

juggle

Image via Shutterstock

Unless you are a fully fledged workaholic ( I used to be one and I know many), you may want to work a little less and do a little more of just about everything else. With the exception of chores which are few people’s idea of fun.

So, how it is possible to live and love in an urban place, give it your all and maybe just maybe have time for other areas of your life, be it having children or not having children. I say that with caution as people get derailed quickly and fall into 2 camps when it isn’t about that division it is about the unification of the truth that we all do work more than ever.

Here are my three tips to get you closer to nirvana.

TIP 1: What tasks at work are non crucial and can be delegated, dumped or reframed to matter more strategically and therefore become worth doing?

TIP 2: How can you break cultural norms in a ‘face time” environment to show that results orientated work and productivity are winners?

TIP 3: At home, what life hacks can you apply to boring admin and chores to outsource or reduce them? Get a system or actual people involved to help you free up your time to live the dream. If you feel your other half needs to do more, tell me what they need to do and when as maybe they just do not know?

Most importantly, it is worth your while to step out of the weeds and look at the big picture – what do you want personally and professionally to happen in the next 24 -36 months?

Best of Luck

Slowing downBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

A bad work day can consist of a scenario when you do not manage the team but are on the hook for delivery of the product. Sound familiar? Literally, this happens everyday to many people and it is a problem that creates issues and looks like a lack of skill and efficiency because team A promised the client something but they had no control over team B actually building the product.

Would you take the responsibility of protecting the free world, if you were not allowed the nuclear codes? Most of you will say no to this yet I see so many people taking on outrageous projects and knowingly being on the hook for things that they literally have zero control over the delivery of. How can you avoid this seemingly inevitable situation?

A good case in point is diversity work.

I see a lot of great women heading up women’s networks and being tasked with creating a bigger pipeline of women in the firm. Unless you have serious formal hiring capabilities as your new day job or the ability and full power to rework all the talent processes in the firm plus all the time in the world and renumeration to do it, then why would you say yes to this? From a transformative outcome frame, you should say no since this has no resource or execution control attached to it.

Unless, the goal is advocacy in which case that is fair enough as advocacy is important but rarely formally transformative. Advocacy is what men do every single day for each other so getting them to do it for you is a strong step in the right direction as is getting women to stop burying each other to protect the patriarchy (which runs deep as we know in recent times).

Also, really good development that understands the nuances of being different to the blueprint is never wasted- train and educate as you go in these networks if formally this is not an option (arguably it should de organized and paid for elsewhere but it is often not the case). A network can be a good container to supply unique content to certain audiences who potentially face shared challenges that are systemic in nature.

Remember, only you know what you want to spend time and energy on and how to create goals that are reachable. It is worth thinking about activity versus productivity and outcomes since you all have lives and goals inside and outside of work. Reduce stress by aligning your responsibility and authority on tasks that become the sum of your job!

If you are interested in hiring an Executive Coach to help you navigate your career then email Nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com for further informatiom

woman thinking - pipelineBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Pyschologist

Most people have a career fantasy. What do I mean? Well, think about it right now; do you want to start a business that involves a cozy bed and breakfast in your favorite holiday spot? Or a cupcake business or a dog groomers? You get the picture and feel free to insert your own fantasy here as most of us have them.

You are not on your own as many folks day dream their way through their current job with a future fantasy of how the future might be.

It is real? Is it a fantasy? Does it matter? I think it matters for two reasons.

Firstly, if it is real, then what is stopping you from doing it on the sooner side? When pushed, my clients often realize that they have gotten no further than the headline and a surefire way to test your own assumptions is to start researching the feasibility and competition of the future industry you are considering entering. if you get this far, then maybe it is not a fantasy, maybe you are on the way to being an entrepreneur? Next step then is to perhaps apply SMART goals? Deep dive into real possibilities as it might be the ride of your life.

However, if you really do not want to own a B&B to the north, south, east or west of where you are now, you might find that out by truly not wanting to do any research or upon investigation find it not to be a viable job. If that is the case, then what role does it serve in terms of your mental involvement at work- is it keeping you engaged at work or distracted and disengaged?

Arguably, having a little dream can be a lovely way to keep you working so that you can save up for it, at least in your mind’s eye and this is a motivator (retirement is a different thing to being a business owner unless you can afford a working hobby).

But, what you do not want to do is to mistake this future perfect state as a “grass is greener” option instead of actually understanding why you do not like your job today. Examine with a coach what is really going on to see how to work out how to stay successfully or leave successfully but not to live in a dream your life away state so that you cannot engage in the present. Talk to a professional coach about real options for your future career and take a vacation to recharge if you feel like a rut is forming so that you can enjoy the present.

If you are interested in hiring an Executive Coach then email nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com for a no obligation chat

team-meeting-in-office-5lNobody likes to work for somebody who doesn’t respect their employees, make fair decisions, or is more concerned with their own professional advancement than the good the whole team. It’s easy to spot a bad boss, but what does a good boss look like? You might picture her being open to your ideas, easy to talk to, supportive of your professional development and excited about your work. These are nice ideas, but sometimes what seems like a good boss at first can quickly sour when you find out that great performance review was rooted in their own desire to be liked. And sometimes, that tough to please boss who never lets you get a word in has the potential to teach you lesson that will grow your career by leaps and bounds.

How can you learn to manage a relationship with your boss, whether they are good or bad? And, when things do go bad, how can you steer the relationship back to healthy?

When Love Hurts

Annie McKee is a senior fellow at the University of Pennsylvania, director of the PennCLO Executive Doctoral Program and the author of Resonant Leadership. In her work with leaders, she often sees the downside of having a boss who grows their leadership style from the root of having a congenial relationship with their employees. Mckee lists three primary issues that can arise from idolizing or loving your boss.

First, strong emotions tend to cloud our judgment, making it more likely that we will be passive when we should be assertive. Probably, having good judgment is one of the reasons you were hired in the first place—you don’t want to leave it at the door when you go into work each day.

Second, a relationship that is based in ‘liking’ one another can often lead to favoritism. This is never a good scenario; as soon as there is a problem, your boss is likely to distance themselves from you, as their likeability is their top concern. You will soon be replaced by the next easy target.

Finally, blind dedication to a leader can actually be truly dangerous as it leaves you vulnerable to making decisions which can compromise your values.

The bright side of a bad boss

While recent research shows that a boss who is truly abusive—somebody who uses public humiliation and personal attacks to impose fear and blind cooperation—is absolutely bad for your health and will most likely have a negative impact on your family life, it is possible to manage the relationship in a way that will benefit you, your team and the your company.

There is a lot of research supporting the negative impacts—on every aspect of business from the employee’s personal health to the company’s bottom line—of bad bosses, but there is not so much research on the positive impacts. Even so, there are many people whom have found that they have learned as much from challenging bosses as they have from those whom were easier to work with. If you are able to take a step back, you will learn what not to do, become more resilient, and self-reliant. These are stellar qualities that can help you become ready for your next leadership position.

A difficult relationship with your boss could be rooted in a number of different conflict types. They could be plainly harsh in their criticisms, irrational in their decision-making process or you could simply have a personality conflict. Either way, how can you find your way through it to the next phase of your career without damaging your personal brand, or your job performance?

Moving onward and upward

According to the American Psychological Association, the best way to manage a difficult boss begins with understanding the reasons your boss’ chooses to behave the way she does. If it seems that the behavior stems from stress due to work overload, it is likely to change in response to changes in the amount of workload or other factors. But if your boss’ behavior seems to follow a consistently hostile or abusive patter of interacting with co-workers and employees, it is less likely that the behavior will change. In this case, the APA recommends seeking the counsel of a trusted mentor.

Once you have determined the reason for your boss’s behavior, you will want to manage your own negative emotions. You do not want to engage in self-defeating behaviors such as counter-attacking your boss or stonewalling them. Remember your purpose at work, do your job, and remain professional.

Third, communicate your feelings with your boss or another trusted supervisor. It is important to frame your concerns in a positive manner. Perhaps this will bring a change, but some experts say this is unlikely. The administration of the company has already expressed their opinion by promoting the difficult boss in question.

In the meantime, the APA advises to try and separate your personal ego from your business persona. When your supervisor is critical, be rational in your response. Is there something for you to learn from the criticism? If so, use it as an opportunity to work with your boss on a play to address the problem. But if you don’t think it is reasonable or valid criticism, then take solace in that. Their lack of judgment does not have to take over your entire sense of self.

By Rebecca S. Caum

Nicki GilmourBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

We have all seen it. The loud person, usually a guy, gets the job. If women are loud, do they get the job? Sometimes yes and sometimes that same approach can backfire as being assertive as a trait seems to have a different impact depending on your gender. We know that there is unconscious or conscious bias around promoting and paying men more for the same job even if women have the same qualifications and experience ( and paid the same money for the same expensive ivy league degree).

But that aside for a second, research shows that self promoters do get promoted more despite everyone deep down knowing that confidence can outweigh actual competence or skill.

How do you feel about self-promoting yourself? Most people do not overly enjoy the thought and go straight to an extreme image. Stop there. Maybe it is easier than you think? Maybe it does not have to be so extreme.

Here are 3 ways to gently self- promote:
  • Tip #1 Talk about your project and the goals out loud ( and throw in how it is all going from your perspective in a positive way)
  • Tip #2 Update direct reports, managers, stakeholders and clients with a “Have a nice weekend, here is where we are at” email.
  • Tip #3 Mention where you want to be for your next role, project or team so that people know you are ambitious and engaged.

Best of Luck!