Laid Off? Do Not Get Derailed

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By Nicki Gilmour Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

At some point in your career, you will probably get laid off due to many factors that are usually beyond your control like downsizing, mergers and acquisitions and cyclical market turns in financial services. Do not take it personally! Hard advice if you have given the job 110% of your time and energy and have shown a loyalty that you perceive has not been returned.

Often people come to coaching at this point threatening to leave their industry and wanting to transfer their skills and make a pivot. My job as a coach is to help my client really have an honest look at what is going on- beyond the hurt and the emotion to see if they are truly done with their sector and not just their firm.

Sometimes, after testing the reasoning around why you might want to leave, the answer is then yes and we set about working out a plan on how to transition into the right job in the right firm in the right industry.

Sometimes however, doing the deep work results in you realizing that you love doing the tasks that you were doing, in the industry that you know and love and it was just the shock of being laid off or being somehow displaced in a shuffle that has made you feel resentful, done or stuck. In some cases, people have even taken another job only to find that they want back in. All scenarios are valid and none are really that bad when you have a little perspective. My job is to get you to where you truly want to be. We work out the destination and then figure out the journey together in a way that will get you there. The worst that can happen is that you took a small detour, or maybe you will find that a new destination is what you wanted all along.

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Fear of Change and Other Mental Models That Hold Us Back

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Nicki-Gilmour-bioBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Last week, we spoke about how expanding your mindset can truly take perspective mentally and not be beholden to your home-grown beliefs, paradigms and basically anything that your granny and society told you that you had to think, act and feel. We talked about the more we can move things from purely subjective to being an object then we can be more open to working with new ideas. I describe this to my clients using the glass half full/glass half empty adage, if you reframe it to an object, let’s face it, it is just a glass with some liquid in it and you don’t have to have any feelings around that at all.

Nearly all of us show courage at work and life. Nearly all of us have fears. Those fears are often deeply rooted in paradigms and mental models that we hold that play out in our “inner theater” telling us we could fail, we could lose something, we could look silly (amongst many other things.)

How do you take these anxiety ridden based on nothing assumptions and recognize them as the Gremlins that they are? They are present to sabotage your ability to take the next step and embrace whatever comes with that change?

Kegan and Lahey in their brilliant book “Immunity to Change” offer actual exercises on how to understand what your worries are and how they are often competing commitments to your main objective. For example, you might be keen on delegating more but find that you ultimately want things done your way; making your goal harder to reach.

It is the assumptions (those built in paradigms) that create these competing unconscious and conscious thoughts and behaviors. By surfacing and testing your assumptions – such as what it is that makes you assume that your way is best, you can make real progress towards growing, succeeding and leading!

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One Simple Step to Bust Out of Your Career Rut

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Sad businesswomanGuest contributed by Elizabeth Crook

There’s an epidemic in our country that’s impacting 40% of our population.

It’s lowering our immune systems, disturbing our sleep, breaking up our relationships, and creating depression and unwanted weight gain.

The epidemic seems very benign – it’s so common we often ignore it.

It’s called job dissatisfaction.

Historically there been more heart attacks on Monday morning than any other time of the week because so many of us are dragging ourselves to jobs that have depleted us. And even though the research was probably done on men, the implications for women are profound. Having the “wrong” job is not good for you.

Why do we stay?

Three simple reasons:

  • We are good at these jobs,
  • We may be too busy or too conscientious to recognize how stuck we are
  • We don’t know how to leave them.

We’ve been given accolades and compliments all our lives for what we do. We may be keeping our families afloat with these jobs. Our work may serve our social life or give us a strong sense of identity. We feel responsible to our team, our boss, or the company

Along with all that, we tend to see other options as more limited than they really are. We may even believe the industry or functional area the only ones we can be in, so we stay. And stay. And stay. Until our health is bankrupt, our relationships are compromised, and our dream of what we wanted has been lost.

Sound familiar? Don’t despair.

As a CEO coach and corporate strategist, many people from diverse arenas come to me because they want more than anything to love their work, but they don’t know how to get there.

Enter the energize/deplete paradigm.

In your everyday work, you encounter tasks that energize you and work that depletes you. Most people have don’t spend time thinking about it. However, identifying them is the is a big step toward getting to work that feeds your soul (and your bank account).

The first question to ask is: What do I know how to do?

Make a list. Brainstorm. Don’t hold back. Write down all those things you know how to do – think processes, not contents. This can include things beyond your work like your family or social life or even volunteer assignments. This isn’t your job description. This is what you know how to do.

The start of your list might look something like this:

  • Engage people in solving problems
  • Analyze data
  • Create narratives that give meaning
  • Recruit and hire people
  • Develop budgets
  • Manage projects
  • Manage people
  • Teach and mentor
  • Persuade
  • Sell ideas
  • Develop systems and processes
Identify the energizing activities.

Make a star next to the activities on your list that energize you – those things that even if your are working hard at them, you feel good doing them. Time passes in a minute when you are doing things that energize you, even if they take all day.

Do you feel depleted by managing people but are in a managerial position? Do you feel energized by being with people, but your work is behind an admin desk where you never get to interact? Are you energized by being creative, but your work is about collecting data?

Your starred activities are signposts, leading you to work that will feed your soul and make you feel like you are living large.

Your work now is to begin to increase the activities that energize you.

Shift your focus.

This may mean delegating the work that depletes you (anything that is not energizing you may very well be depleting you) or talking to your boss about shifting your focus at work towards what energizes you.

What if this list shows that nothing you do at work energizes you? What if all of your energizing how-tos are ones that you do out of work?

That’s fantastic information. And it might mean an overhaul of what you do for work. Chances are you can stay in your industry, but you may have to change what you do in this industry.

The Amazing Result.

What’s amazing about this simple exercise is that it activates something called the reticular activating system in the brain. The reticular activating system is the part of our brain that begins to notice red cars right when we decide we want a red car. Once we become aware of what energizes us, our subconscious begins to move us toward it.

As soon as we identify what depletes us, our defense system will begin to find ways to move away from those activities.We find ourselves making decisions about work that lead us toward those activities that we love.

Can it really be this simple?

Try it. See what happens.

Elizabeth Crook has been the CEO of Orchard Advisors for over 20 years, helping CEO’s grow their bottom line and have more fun. She believes that if everyone had the work and life they love, we could change the world! Her book, Live Large – The Achiever’s Guide to What’s Next will be released May 2017.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of our guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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Developing Mental Complexity Will Help You at Work (and Life)

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woman thinking - pipelineBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

The world is increasingly complex and can be quite confusing these days.

How do you ensure you have the guts, glory, stamina and agility to survive all this change?

Mental complexity is the answer according Harvard psychologists Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey in their book “Immunity to change”. This is my personal favorite book right now for two reasons; I am writing a paper on behavioral change and also am grateful for the change I have personally experienced from committing to examining paradigms that no longer serve me.

This work can take the guise of coaching but touches on all aspects of your existence and is a vehicle for a happy sustainable life in my opinion.

Kegan and Lahey talk about how we tend to be in one of 3 “minds” or mindsets when it comes to our mental complexity levels and this has nothing to do with IQ.

So, level one is a “socialized mind” and is where the majority of people operate. Certainly, junior and middle managers can be successful here as part of being here requires following, caring what people think of you and generally towing the line be it within a corporation, culture or even a religion. People here are good team players. But, what does one lose by seeing life though this lens? If you do not fit with what the norm is, you might find yourself feeling inadequate and uncomfortable or undeserving in some way.

At work, you may be at the mercy of the effects of politics and feeling not aligned (and in society too). You will fight yourself to get aligned and reduce your cognitive dissonance. At what cost?

The next “mind” is the “Self-authoring” mind which with this increased mental complexity, you can relegate others opinions (and even your own opinions) to an appropriate place where they can be referenced within a bigger system than your own direct value set. Therefore, outliers from yourself and others will not consume you, and instead give you the power to bed the author of our own reality. You get to direct the movie in your head.

I can personally attest when I stared to think with this self-authoring mindset it was growth. It changed my life and I see it work well for my coaching clients and when (if) they get there then I can honestly say the ball is in their court which usually results in happier choices and happiness with choices made as well as robust future decision making ability.

This is particularly good for people who have set high standards for themselves or seek approval from others. This level of processing information will move you from having subjective feelings and suffering the emotional fallout from them to seeing things more objectively and in perspective.

By learning to look at as well as through certain lenses, you can evolve and as Kegan and Lahey put it “not be forever captive of one’s own theory, system, script, framework or ideology”. Then, you can start to be in the zone of the “Self-transforming mind” where expansiveness around what you see and hear at work is not uniquely filtered to meet your informational needs. In plain English, you can make meaning on a big picture level and not feel the anxiety around how it effects you which if you are in the socialized mind, will trigger you and make you take it personally. You can care and not be consumed by caring. Doesn’t that sound amazing?

So, how do you build mental complexity to thrive at work and in a crazy world? Tune in next week to find out more….

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Developing Mental Complexity Will Help You at Work (and Life)

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By Nicki GilmourNicki Gilmour

The world is increasingly complex and can be quite confusing these days. How do you ensure you have the guts, glory, stamina and agility to survive all this change?

Mental complexity is the answer according Harvard psychologists Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey in their book “Immunity to change”. This is my personal favorite book right now for two reasons; I am writing a paper on behavioral change and also am grateful for the change I have personally experienced from committing to examining paradigms that no longer serve me.

This work can take the guise of coaching but touches on all aspects of your existence and is a vehicle for a happy sustainable life in my opinion.

Kegan and Lahey talk about how we tend to be in one of 3 “minds” or mindsets when it comes to our mental complexity levels and this has nothing to do with IQ.

So, level one is a “socialized mind” and is where the majority of people operate. Certainly, junior and middle managers can be successful here as part of being here requires following, caring what people think of you and generally towing the line be it within a corporation, culture or even a religion. People here are good team players. But, what does one lose by seeing life though this lens? If you do not fit with what the norm is, you might find yourself feeling inadequate and uncomfortable or undeserving in some way.

At work, you may be at the mercy of the effects of politics and feeling not aligned (and in society too). You will fight yourself to get aligned and reduce your cognitive dissonance. At what cost?

The next “mind” is the “Self-authoring” mind which with this increased mental complexity, you can relegate others opinions (and even your own opinions) to an appropriate place where they can be referenced within a bigger system than your own direct value set. Therefore, outliers from yourself and others will not consume you, and instead give you the power to bed the author of our own reality. You get to direct the movie in your head.

I can personally attest when I stared to think with this self-authoring mindset it was growth. It changed my life and I see it work well for my coaching clients and when (if) they get there then I can honestly say the ball is in their court which usually results in happier choices and happiness with choices made as well as robust future decision making ability.

This is particularly good for people who have set high standards for themselves or seek approval from others. This level of processing information will move you from having subjective feelings and suffering the emotional fallout from them to seeing things more objectively and in perspective.

By learning to look at as well as through certain lenses, you can evolve and as Kegan and Lahey put it “ not be forever captive of one’s own theory, system, script, framework or ideology”. Then, you can start to be in the zone of the “Self-transforming mind” where expansiveness around what you see and hear at work is not uniquely filtered to meet your informational needs. In plain English, you can  make meaning on a big picture level and not feel the anxiety around how it effects you which if you are in the socialized mind, will trigger you and make you take it personally. You can care and not be consumed by caring. Doesn’t that sound amazing?

So, how do you build mental complexity to thrive at work and in a crazy world? Tune in next week to find out more….

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What Are Your Mental Models and How Do They Hold You Back?

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 By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Models

Image via Shutterstock

When I am coaching within the first 30 mins, I hear mental models and worldviews come out of every client’s mouth. I also hear it in friends and social situations whether I try to or not. Mental models are the paradigms that we walk around with, the inner voice and inner theater that plays inside our heads and is the biggest enhancer or constrainer of our careers and of our lives. This inner voice is built by what we were told as kids by our families, our observations on what we could and could not get away, as well as what society messages us overtly and implicitly.

The point is, if you can understand the phrases that control you and can override the “way it is” and ask yourself why do i believe x, y, z is how it has to be, then great progress can be made.

A typical example of a common mental models that might be standing in your way is:
– Trust is earned. This is obviously a righteous sentence that many of us agree with but at what point are you not trusting your bosses and team and how is that preventing optimal results?

So, how do you begin to change this? It is engrained and hard to shift but entirely possible to do so. Surface it with a coach, understand how it serves you and how it perhaps gets in your way. Does it get you to where you want to go?

I also personally have found reading articles that i agree and entirely disagree with, are entirely helpful to me personally on issues that I know I am drawn to and that are my kryptonite. By opening my mind to seeing things from other people’s angles and viewpoints, I can add to my knowledge on the subject (I tend to go for academic rather than opinion based reading) but also ensure that i am not in an echo chamber of people who believe the same thing as I do.

It is a journey and it does take time, but investigating and exploring what you think and why you think it, can be not only career enhancing as you become a better leader but if you allow it, it can be a gift.

To explore how your mental models are holding you back, book an exploratory coaching call with Nicki at 646 6882318

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Being a Role Model Isn’t Enough, Stop Being Sexist!

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Two-thirds-of-women-in-fund-management-have-experience-sexism-finds-FTfm-surveyBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

My consistent discovery in my ten years of this work is that women are often serious perpetrators when it comes to sexism against women, albeit quite unconsciously by buying into stereotypes and deferring all authority to any male on most subjects.

Bell Hooks says it best in her excerpt of a book called The Will to Change about why the system of patriarchy is an ugly one that if reinforced by whoever, we will never make progress.

She makes the point which escapes most people which is until we stop denying that we live in an underlying system that stacks the cards against gentle boys in favor of endorsing a tougher, rougher version which as its worst is ‘toxic masculinity’ then we can do whatever we want, but it will be a lose/lose for all concerned.

So what are 3 things you can do today to walk the talk of “Being the change that you want to see in the world?”
  • Break stereotypes when and where you see them being flung around. Men aren’t all left brain, women aren’t all right brain and that Mars and Venus nonsense is insulting.
  • Be yourself and speak from the heart and on brave days speak truth to power as safely as you can.
  • Play the game but only to play enough to change the game so that tomorrow and the next day, the game is less ridiculous for others.
What are 3 things that you have to stop doing?
  • Don’t give a wider behavioral range to your sons with a boys will be boys attitude yet narrowly confine your daughters to defined and different behavioral criteria.
  • Don’t put up with casual sexism at work or home- Casual sexism or micro aggressions are often invisible and so part of the culture that you dont even realize that it is happening. Learn how to spot it and disrupt it on the spot.
  • Don’t regale every boy and man you see with the authority to be the expert, or even to have an opinion on everything. Mansplaining is boring and happens because we all allow men to think if they read a sentence of a topic that you have to listen to them even if you have a Phd in the subject.

Not everyone has the same appetite to be a change agent and that’s ok. But, please know that if you are colluding then you are part of the problem. Something to think about today!

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Pivoting to a New Career

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CV / ResumeBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Dust off your resume and update it for a pivot to a new career.

When was the last time that you looked at your resume? Do you even have one? People often do not think about their resume or CV until they are actively applying for jobs and even then there is usually only one version.

Would it be terrible to have more than one version depending on which direction you want to go. Chances are you had a multitude of experiences that you can shape into categories. If you didnt strictly work in operations, can you sit and think about tasks and projects that were operations based? How would that translate into a narrative? If there is in all honesty very little there, then you can make a call about whether you truly want to pivot into that area and decide what you can do to increase your experience, pick up skills and apply at appropriate levels for jobs.

Success is the end goal. Do not forget that! And, you only have one life so just because you spend many years in one function doesn’t mean you have to do it forever.

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Leave For The Right Reasons

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Many times, people come to me and they have suffered at work.

Be it a perceived slight, being undermined or even harassed in a very real way. It is normal to want to leave the team, firm or in some cases the industry itself. When coaching, we look hard at whether you just need to leave a manager or whether yes in reality you are ready for a complete change of scene. Knowing what you like doing is crucial and we work on getting to the heart of the matter. But, equally it is important to understand that feelings are real. However, the brain can trick us significantly. There is a cognitive theory by Kant that suggests that we see danger so we think we are in danger (thought) and feel fear (emotion) so we run. Brain science is telling us that if we saw a tiger once, chances are we are hyper-vigilant for the next one. We run sometimes because we are feeling fear due to thinking we see a tiger, before we actually see one.

How do we ensure we do not leave the firm or the industry for the wrong reasons? Women and other minority group members are susceptible to this because often yes we saw a tiger once and that is no lie.

Work with a good coach to know if you are anticipating scenarios before they happen and reason out what impact this is having in how you engage, operate and even consider new roles

If you are interested in hiring an executive coach contact nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com directly for a no obligation discussion

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How to Mentor Millennials

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millennials-featuredGuest contributed by Sarah Landrum

Having a successful protégé reflects well on you and adds to the progress of professional women everywhere. So mentally brace yourself for the mentor/mentee relationship.

Remember what it was like to be an inexperienced person? Once you are mentally prepared to start molding a successful protégé, you must then prepare yourself for the patience it will take to get started.

Whether or not you had a mentor when you were younger, you can still relate to the feeling of being the new person in the office. As someone who has now been in the grind for years, you may have a tough time knowing where to start with your mentee. Well, think back.

When you were the new person, what qualities did you appreciate in your colleagues? Most likely, you wanted to work with those who:

  • Were patient with you
  • Answered your questions
  • Never treated you in a condescending way
  • Offered their assistance when they sensed conflict or concerns
  • Took a genuine interest in your work and well-being
  • Helped you to reach your goals
  • Took notice of things you did well, and made helpful suggestions on things they saw that could be improved

Now that you’re on the other side of the mentor/mentee relationship, you can make good use of these memories.

With your mentee, discuss expectations — both yours and theirs. Set goals. Pay attention to their progress. Give feedback. Be supportive. Offer advice, but also listen. And, most importantly, take a genuine interest in their work and well-being.

Appreciate Generational Differences

More than likely, your near-future mentees are going to be millennials. Like every generation, millennials have their own set of concerns, indignations, interests, goals and talents.
Millennials are generally tech-savvy, environmentally conscious, insistent upon equal rights, adventurous, innovative and generally more interested in finding meaningful work than the largest paycheck or the best job security they can get.

However, despite the differences between millennials and non-millennials, all of the millennial-specific qualities can be channeled toward the greater good of a business. It’s up to you, as a mentor, to find the benefits these qualities have to offer, and to guide your mentees to apply them correctly.

Parting Thoughts

No matter who your mentee is — man or woman, intern or new hire, millennial or baby boomer — it’s up to you to help them succeed. The best way to do this is to understand what it means to be a mentor. It takes patience, dedication and a genuine investment in their progress.

If you decide to take on the role of the mentor, embrace the qualities that make you uniquely successful and help your mentee to do the same. And, as you learn and grow alongside your protégé, know that you’re doing your part for the advancement of professional women.

(The views and opinions of Guest Contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com)

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