How do you become an inclusive manager? Create Psychological Safety for your Team

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diverse workforce featuredSeveral years ago diversity became diversity and inclusion. What does this mean? Well I am not going to lie, for most firms even if they have it in the title of a department, it means nothing just another buzzword.. If it is done properly however, inclusion is the most powerful tool a leader or manager can have in their toolkit because it can provide something that is the basis for individual and team performance. How do you become an inclusive leader , manager or person? Psychological safety at work- yes that’s right and studies have been exploring this for years, as has Google more recently with something they call Project Aristotle. They discovered that just by having a genius or two on the team, you are not going to get the best results. However if you have a team environment where people can feel, as well as think and be themselves (expressing themselves is really key here and being heard) then no matter who is on the team, the result is productivity. There are many factors to high performing teams for sure but Google’s data indicated that psychological safety, more than anything else, was critical to making a team work. This certainly makes sense if you think about it. Women (and anyone who does not fit the mold of the traditional work persona /expert) can find space to connect with others talking work and/or any other topic of shared interest.

So, let people talk, let them tell you about their lives and let them flow. For some of us (I know I am guilty of this) like to stay on task and to draw boundaries around topics when digression and tangents feel out of control, but maybe, just maybe try out this way of being in your next meeting.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist.

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com if you would like to hire a coach to help you navigate your career

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Lean into Confidence

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women smilingConfidence is a big deal. It’s one of the biggest differences between men and women in the workplace. According to this infographic by Invisalign, women underestimate their abilities and performance even though their performance does not differ in quality from that of their male counterparts. It’s a common theme in the gender discourse. Men are overconfident in their abilities, while women struggle to advocate for themselves, particularly for things like equal pay.

And it shows. Women hold more than 50 percent of college degrees and more than 40 percent of MBAs, according to the KPMG Women’s Leadership Study, but less than 5 percent of Fortune 500 companies have female CEOs. Somewhere in the stretch between college and high-level positions, women get lost.

Young women enter the workplace full of confidence, with 43 percent aspiring to top manager roles. However, after a mere two years on the job, these levels drop to below 25 percent. There’s something that happens after women enter the workforce that steals away their enthusiasm.

It may be easy to say, “Yes, but women take a long break mid-career to have children.” Trust me – I have 3 kids, ages 4-8, and am compassionate for the unique type of stress working mothers face. Did having children require me to push pause on my career?Absolutely not.Does being an executive make me a better mother?For me, it does. My career completes me and sets a wonderful example of a strong woman for my three young boys.Recently, Marissa Mayer announced that she would not be taking a full maternity leave.I applaud her for being confident enough in herself to make that decision under intense public scrutiny.I have no doubt that her children are cared for and loved, and I am certain that her girls will grow up to be incredibly proud of the strong, female leader they get to call mom.

Leaders are created at a young age, and young girls aren’t encouraged to lead the same way that boys are. The “ban bossy” movement has been targeting this social phenomenon by giving parents the tools they need to embolden their daughters.

Of course, that’s all great for the women of the future, but what about us? What about those of us in the workforce striving to become CEOs of our own companies? We can’t wait around for the next generation to change what we want changed for ourselves.

If you feel as though you’re being held back in your career by a lack of self-confidence, do the following three things:

1. Define Your Own Success

Not everyone wants to be CEO of a Fortune 500 company. That’s ok. Maybe you want to grow your own company, or run a nonprofit, or be a mentor. It is important to define your own success early on in your career. Following a path predetermined by society will only make you unhappy in the long run. Really spend time thinking about your long-term goals.
This will ultimately make big decisions easier further on in your career. When you’re offered a new position, or you take on a new job, you can measure it against your long-term career goals and decide if it’s helping you move in the right direction.I was recently asked to run for Congress, and, as attractive as that may sound, it wasn’t compatible with my career goals.Not only did that make turning down that opportunity easier, it made me more self-assured in my decision.

2. Support Other Women

Women get a bad rap for not supporting other women. We’re sometimes envious of the way men can bond and connect in a way that women feel they can’t – we call it the “boy’s club.”
In reality, things aren’t actually as far off for women. Columbia Business School conducted a study and found that the “Queen Bee Syndrome,” in which women in power are more critical of female subordinates, is actually a myth.

Women do have a strong network that’s just as good as any boy’s club. Spend time cultivating your relationships, and support the women around you.

3. Stay Hungry

The best way to boost your own confidence is to excel at what you do. Never settle for just completing a task when you can blow it out of the water. Take on projects that are outside your comfort zone, and constantly work toward making yourself better.

Society is changing for the next generation, but you have to make change happen for you. Work at being self-confident, and others will be confident in you too.

By Melissa Beck

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4 Reasons to get involved in your women’s network (or other Employee Resource Group at work)

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Professional-networking-advice featuredLast week, I rather scathingly pointed out that taking on the responsibility to hire and promote women via your women’s network was to put it diplomatically, a long haul strategy.

This week I am going to outline what you should do in your network (and why you should join it)

  1. Advocacy is a powerful tool- advocating for an issue to be paid attention to is often where change starts. Advocating for others is powerful also (sponsorship) and finally advocating for yourself is crucial, raise you hand and put yourself out there for the next promotion or job.
  2. Personal visibility and access to people you would not otherwise have access to (this is a way to start a conversation with senior people)
  3. Networking with each other – peer, higher and reverse mentoring and connections are always a good thing to propel you forward in everyday work – knowing who to ask to get stuff done is what it is all about.
  4. Learning in a specific container creates mental and physical space, hence we hold panels at theglasshammer.com where people can mark time in their calendar to learn new insights.

More on this all summer long.

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The 34th Annual Options Industry Conference – an update from this financial markets sector

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woman looking at a finance chartBy Jessica Darmoni

The 34th Annual Options Industry Conference took place last week where representatives from exchanges, market makers, technology providers and regulators were just some of the attendees gathered in California. Hosted by the Options Clearing Corporation (OCC) and the International Securities Exchange (ISE), the conference focused on discussing communication between market participants and regulators, growth in the options industry as well as fragmentation and other current challenges the industry is facing.
The conference kicked off with a conversation between ISE’s Gary Katz and Stephen Luparello, Director, Division of Trading and Markets at the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC).

Luparello recommended that market participants speak up more about issues impacting the markets to the SEC and Luparello referred to the notice and comment period within the rulemaking process and emphasized that when talking to Washington market participants should not “pick and choose” what challenges to discuss.

Another challenge addressed at the conference was the slow pace in which the industry is seeing growth. Exchange traded funds (ETFs), index and equity options volume has averaged about 14% growth in the past 40 years, according to Henry Schwartz, President at Trade Alert LLC who provided a State of the Union type presentation at the conference stating the growth figures from the industry are from 1.8 billion in contract volume in 2000 to 4.5 billion contracts traded in 2016.

Schwartz also explained that this growth may have opened the door for other exchanges to enter the market such as Nasdaq in 2008, BATS in 2010 and MIAX in 2012. While the current number of options exchanges has grown to 14 in 2016, while volume in ETF, index and equity options trading has only seen about 2% growth in the past 5 years.

This was discussed in detail at the exchange leadership panel with representatives from ISE, the Boston Options Exchange (BOX), Intercontinental Exchange (ICE), Nasdaq, BATS Global Markets, MIAX and the Chicago Board Options Exchange (CBOE).

Ed Boyle, CEO of BOX, believes that the industry needs to better engage the institutional side, such as hedge funds and advisors, with relevant products and market structures. Currently, these end users turn to the over-the-counter (OTC) markets rather than listed options contracts. Boyle believes that this switch in how people buy options can be achieved with more educational efforts.

To that end, the CBOE has recently invested in companies such as Tradelegs, a provider of advanced decision-support software that institutional investors can employ to optimize investment performance as well Vest Financial, an investment advisor that provides options-centric products and risk management solutions. CBOE also recently acquired LiveVol, a company that turns market data into options trading strategies. Andrew Lowenthal, Senior Vice President of Business Development at CBOE remarked that these investments were made to improve the end users experience.
CBOE also believes that bringing new products to the market will engage different participants. Recently the exchange launched FLEX options with Asian and Cliquet style settlements for insurance companies looking to hedge embedded exotic options risk.

While the industry looks for new means of growth, an area that may have swelled too large is the number of options exchanges. With 14 exchanges (and MIAX plans to launch a 15th this year), the industry experiences a lot of market fragmentation and players fighting for market share. As of publication, CBOE led the pack with 17% market share followed by Nasdaq’s PHLX with 16% and then ISE with 13%.

It is important to note that pending regulatory approval Nasdaq will acquire ISE in what is believed to be a play for more market share and, according to TradeAlert’s Schwartz, the industry will experience more exchange consolidation in the future.

Fragmentation, Auctions and Market Makers

The amount of options exchanges and its benefit or harm to the market was also discussed in a different, debate-style panel at the conference. Speakers were broken up into teams to argue the pros and cons of the issue.

One team believed that the 14 options exchanges was good for innovation and led to enhanced competition in the marketplace. They also fought that this brought stability to the markets. If one exchange experiences an emergency or had to close down, there are other venues participants can move to throughout a trading day. However, the opposing team found that the significant costs associated with connecting to various exchanges was prohibitive and that multiple venues also led to a more complex market structure.

Other hot topics in the debate included auction markets at exchanges. Auctions, which were introduced in the electronic options markets to mimic the flow of information that takes place on the trading floor, provide price discovery and best execution. However, they also inadvertently lead to less liquidity, wider spreads and a two-tiered market.

Finally, the debate also explored the decreasing number of market makers, firms which are required to provide a certain amount of liquidity at exchanges. With regulatory and technology costs making it hard to operate successfully in the current market environment, the industry has experienced a loss of liquidity and concentrates risk in fewer hands. It was concluded that the industry needs to find incentives for these types of firms and help them overcome costs as well as barriers to entry.

While the options industry has their work cut out for them, educational efforts and tools that will enhance the end-user’s experience as well new, relevant products will certainly bring different players to the market. Communicating with regulators, addressing challenges with the rule makers and keeping up with the competition will also make operating in the current environment more efficient. Heavy topics were discussed at this year’s options conference but it was productive and it seems everyone knows their part in moving this space forward.

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Want To Help With Diversity Issues At Work? Make Leaders Address Them

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diverse workforce featuredI consult to many women’s networks and Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) and one of the most consistent issues that I encounter is that women often assemble these groups’ work in a vacuum and they self organize because they see organizational barriers and biases. They do not form because they have excessive time on their hands and how leaders fail to see this is often astounding to me. If people formed due to product dissatisfaction, I am pretty sure bosses would question the product not the legitimacy of the group or worse just ignore them.

So, what am I saying here? I am saying there are several reasons to get involved in a network/ERG and advocacy is an extremely effective strategy as is sponsorship (which we will discuss in another post) but do not confuse thinking you as a group have the authority to change the hiring or advancement of women directly as it is an indirect power at best. In any role, you should only accept responsibility for a task that you have the authority to execute on.

I hope this has got you thinking and comments are welcomed. Such a big topic and we shall explore the individual benefits of being part of an ERG all summer but also be wise enough to know when you are being tasked with something that the talent management group along with the organization’s leadership need to address.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com if you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work

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Staying Safe While Challenging The Status Quo

thought-leadershipLast week at our 5th annual Navigating your career event ( look out for the write-up on friday on theglasshammer) an audience member asked our panel a very good question which was ” How do you challenge the status quo safely as part of advancing in your own career as well as addressing issues?”.

Our panel responded with very sensible and specific answers but for the sake of an answer here, I can sum it up to the following points adding to the panel answers with my knowledge as an Executive coach and Organizational Psychologist:

– Know your environment (context is everything and how work gets done around here is the ultimate organizational culture question- what flies and what does not?)

– Know your audience, who are you asking to change or address something and what is their track record/temperament?

– Know when to make your ask/raise an issue- timing is everything.

This is a very delicate topic but ultimately as I said in the event opening last week, change leaders are people who want to see things be done better and that doesnt come by accepting blindly the status quo.

It is not for everyone, but for those out there who wish to speak truth to power, we want to arm you with the right tools.

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@glasshammer2.wpengine.com if you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work

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Aspire to Lead: Developing Whole and Inclusive Leaders

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PwC“It’s second to none in importance today in business, the skill of being a whole leader, an inclusive leader.” The Glass Hammer talked to Mike Fenlon, PwC’s Global Talent Leader, about PwC’s Aspire to Lead program.

Now in its third year, Aspire to Lead is a PwC series on leadership and gender equality that provides university students and professionals with inspiration and practical insight on developing leadership, from the perspective of inspiring leaders.

“Aspire to Lead is all about development,” Fenlon told us. “We’re not talking about what you need to do to as the CEO. Here are the skills that Day One will be relevant and make a difference for you, women and men.”

In addition to an annual video webcast that reached over 107 countries this year, PwC runs development and skill-building workshops and discussions with students year-round and across the world.

The first live webcast featured LeanIn.Org Founder Sheryl Sandberg and President Rachel Thomas. The second focused on “The Confidence to Lead,” and featured Confidence Code authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman and Eileen Naughton, Managing Director and VP of Google UK and Ireland.

This year, the event was hosted by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences, and featured Award-winning actor Geena Davis, Founder of Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media, Dawn Hudson the Academy CEO, and Director Jennifer Yuh Nelson. The panel provided insights from Hollywood on gender portrayal and taking your career to centre stage.

Fulfilling potential – being an inclusive and awake leader

“Aspire to Lead is about fulfilling potential,” Fenlon told us. “It’s absolutely critical for us to create an environment where everyone, men and women, can fulfill their potential and be whole leaders, inclusive leaders, and that means both individually and in our teams. That’s literally at the heart of our development framework.”

“One (aspect of inclusive leadership) is that I’m demonstrating self-awareness,” explained Fenlon. “In the context of working across differences, that means a commitment to understanding my own (unconscious) blindspots.”

“I’ll give you a few words,” he said. “Engineer. Scientist. Venture capitalist. Executive. Surgeon. Leader. Accountant. CEO. Literally, who do you see? What the research shows us is that who you see is skewed towards a male image, for both men and women.”

“The point is when I see you, do I see you as someone who possesses the potential to be a leader,” said Fenlon. “Am I going to connect you with people who I think will be valuable? Am I going to assign you to work that will stretch you and develop you? Will I take some risks because I see potential? This is about seeing potential.”

One of the discussion materials that’s been used in the program is an animated video in which a woman shares an idea in a meeting and goes unnoticed. Minutes later, a man shares the same idea and it’s hailed as “a breakthrough”.

“That shows a blind spot as a leader,” Fenlon said. “Am I awake, am I tuned into the dynamics of my team, to creating an atmosphere where everyone can contribute their ideas and everyone’s heard?”

“So when we talk about whole leadership,” Fenlon explains, “we start by saying I have to develop my self-awareness around who I am, around how my life experiences and culture have shaped how I see the world, and how I see others, and my ability to recognize talent. Is there anything more important in business than the ability to recognize talent, to spot talent?”

“If you’re asleep, if you’re blind, you’re really captive to your own biases and cultural assumptions, which just aren’t true,” Fenlon said. “If I’m awake, I understand, I’m seeing what’s in front of me, the dynamics in my team, who is speaking, who is being heard, who is contributing. I’m awake to the potential of my colleagues, of the people in my team. I see it. I’m excited by it. I’m creating opportunities for people to fulfill their potential. I’m aware of my blindspots. This is important for women and men.”

Throwing out the script

Speaking about the 2016 webcast, Fenlon says, “Our focus was the representation of gender in the entertainment and the media, and how that shapes the assumptions we make and those blindspots. We used that as a metaphor for ‘how do I write my own script, how do I demonstrate the confidence to be center stage, how do I launch my career in a way that I’m positioned to fulfill my potential?’”

The forum demonstrated how women can reject cultural scripts to write their own.

“Think of it this way,” said Fenlon. “Stereotypes are scripts that other people have written for you…You show up, day one of the office. Well, here are the three standard scripts, if you will, and they reflect massive blindspots. They may reflect all sorts of assumptions that are widely inaccurate about who you are and what you can do. But they’re the traditional scripts.”

“Jennifer Yuh Nielson is one of the very few women directors in Hollywood,” said Fenlon. “When she leads, and this is part of the power of the discussion we had, she leads as an introvert. She’s very focused on listening. She’s not the stereotypical director… She didn’t take the scripts that may have been handed to her. It’s about authentic leadership, playing to your strengths, and different styles of leadership than maybe what are stereotypically associated with men. It’s not just about being more like stereotypical male masculine models. And what can men then learn, in turn?”

Bringing men and women together

As one of the ten founding IMPACT partners for HeforShe, an important aspect of Aspire to Lead is that it brings both men and women together to work on gender equality together.

“When we did our session with Sheryl Sandberg, I bought all sort of books and I was handing them out,” said Fenlon. “I was talking to women colleagues and they were organizing Lean In circles, reading books, going to lunch and going to talking about it, going to conferences. And meanwhile what were men doing? Very little, is the answer.”

“I wrote in one of my blogs, ‘Is gender equality women’s work?’ Obviously, that’s rhetorical,” said Fenlon. “If we’re going to achieve gender equality, inclusive leadership, we all have a role to play here, and for men to become inclusive leaders, to fulfill their potential as a manager, as someone who can spot talent, who can bring out the best in others, who can bring out the best in a team, it means I’ve got to exercise self-awareness. I’ve got to look and acknowledge my blind spots. I’ve got to diversify my personal network. I have to learn to make sure I’m calling out all voices. I have to bring equality home.”

“The question is: who do you see…?”

“Aspire to Lead reflects our commitment as a culture,” said Fenlon. “We want students to have a really valuable development experience and in the process develop whole leaders, develop the leadership skills of students, help them prepare to launch their career, and to drive gender equality.”

Getting personal, Fenlon shared, “I brought my daughter to Hollywood Boulevard, and I took a picture of one star. You know these stars that have yet to be named? The question is: who do you see in that star? When you think about talent, when you think about a software engineer, when you think about a doctor, surgeon, accountant, lawyer, executive, venture capitalist, who do you see?”

Across the bottom of the symposium page for the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media, are the words: If she can see it, she can be it.

What Fenlon is driving at here is a critical complementary point. If we can all learn to see the potential of it already in her (or stop being blind to it), we can help her to be it, too.

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The Bamboo Ceiling Could Be Costing Business

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Woman-on-a-ladder-searchingBy Aimee Hansen

As we enter Asian-Pacific American Heritage month, we can say this about the bamboo ceiling: no matter the myriad of individual, cultural, and organizational factors holding it in place, it’s likely to be costing businesses.

As we look to Asian American women at the top of corporate leadership, Indra Nooyi, Chairperson and CEO of Pepsi Co (for a decade now), ranks #2 in Fortune’s 50 “Most Powerful Women in Business”and #15 in Forbes’“The World’s 100 Most Powerful Women”.

But Nooyi is the only Asian American woman represented in the Fortune ranks and joined only by Chinese-born Weili Dai, Cofounder-President of Marvell Technology Group Ltd, at #95 in Forbes list.

Catalyst data has shown that Asian women make up only 4.4% of manager and above level positions and under 2% of executive positions in S&P 500 companies and 3.7% of board seats. If you really want to know about successful Asian American women business leadership in the U.S., you have to look at a different list.

Self-Made Women Who Grow Businesses

In May, 2015 Forbes introduced a new women in business success list – “America’s Richest Self-Made Women” – which tells a different story about Asian women at the top of successful business ventures in the U.S.

Asian American women claim nine of the 50 spaces across various industries – including #4 (Jin Sook Chang – retail), #13 (Peggy Cherng – food), #14 (Thai Lee – tech), #15 (Neerja Sethi – tech), #21 (Weili Dai – semiconductors), #29 (Jane Hsiao – biotech), #30 (Jayshree Ullal – tech), #34 (Vera Wang – fashion), and #41 (Sachiko Kuno – pharma).

Nearly one in five of the richest self-made women are Asian Americans. Thai Lee’s SHI International is the largest female-owned business in the US according to Forbes and one of the largest minority-owned businesses.

The Wall Street Journal also sums up, based on a new report from the Center for Global Policy Solutions, that minority-owned businesses were “a key driver of business and job-creation”between 2007-2011, responsible for 72.3% of new jobs. The most dramatic shifts were among female entrepreneurs – and most of all, Asian Americans.

The number of Asian American women owned businesses increased by 44% and those hiring paid employees by 37.6% during that time, and these businesses also witnessed an uncommon growth in sales.

According to the center, catalyzing the share of businesses lead by minorities to mirror the minority share of the labor force would result in 1.1 million more businesses, nine million more jobs, and $300 billion in income for workers.

The under-representation of minority female leadership, and resulting missed financial opportunity, is not limited to entrepreneurship. It’s also present with the missing Asian American leaders in corporate America.

The Employee-Executive Gap

Last year, a diversity study across five companies entitled “Hidden in Plain Sight: Asian-American Leaders in Silicon Valley”by Ascend demonstrated that, as put by The Atlantic, “Asian Americans professionals aren’t being promoted”and that showed especially true for women.

The study found that while 27% of professionals across five major tech firms were Asian American, fewer than 19% of managers and less than 14% of executives were. But for Asian American women in the sample, only 1 in 285 were an executive (versus 1 per 201 for Asian Men, 1 per 123 for white women, and and 1 per 87 for white men).

The report states, “The ‘Asian effect’ is 3.7X greater than the “gender effect”as a glass ceiling factor. The Asian effect was measured at ~154% for both men and women. The gender effect was measured at ~42% for both whites and Asians.”

According to The Atlantic, “Rather than blatant discrimination, report coauthors Denise Peck and Buck Gee (and Janet Wong) say, this disparity is a result of implicit biases. They say that Asian Americans need to learn the leadership skills that corporate America values, such as adapting public speaking skills to fit their company, while the executives themselves need to learn how to best retain and promote Asian American talent.”

The Glass Hammer has previously written about the barriers of success for Asian women facing two ceilings (glass and bamboo) that add to a greater whole – barriers such as cultural differences and culturally internalized norms, cultural stereotypes and expectations, social perception and self-perception, and the imposter syndrome.

The report authors identify “three major Asian leadership gaps: a gap in awareness and expectations, a gap in role models, and a gap in behavior”and asserts that both Asian American professionals and companies need to take steps in closing these gaps that contribute to many professionals in “most successful racial group in the United States”from being promoted to leadership roles in tech businesses.

Jane Hyun, author of Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling, speaks to the misperceptions that can come from cultural factors such as holding back to show respect, as well as the importance of self-promotion. “…I realized it’s not just about working hard, but knowing how to communicate what you’re doing, having the right mentors and sponsors, and connecting with people in a way that people understand what you’re doing and the value of what you’re trying to achieve as well.”

Closing the Bamboo Gap

Forums such as The Asian American Business Roundtable, which held its inaugural summit in January, help to address the gaps. One of the specific objectives is to increase the visibility and presence of Asian Americans in the U.S. business area, and the summit included panel discussions with women trailblazers sharing insight on their success.

Where strong cultural gaps exist, the work needs to come from both sides, but one thing is clear: If nearly 1 in 5 of the most monetarily successful self-made women (read: bosses) are Asian American, then the potential for leadership in the corporate world is greater than what is being realized, and that’s a gap that could be costing businesses more than they think.

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Working hard? How is the teamwork at home?

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arguing-couple featuredLike cars, relationships shift up and down through three gear-like phases. To move ahead together, you need to learn to recognize which gear is needed and how to change your thinking and actions in each one. When you fail to shift, at the right time, your relationship will stall or, worse, come to a painful screeching halt. Sad to say, all too often women rising in today’s competitive workplace experience relationship challenges. Why? We tend to wear more “relationship hats” than our male counterparts but more importantly, married to a man or a woman doesn’t really matter if both partners work in high-octane careers law, financial service or technology firms.

All relationships start in 1st Gear. Let’s take a romantic relationship for example. You begin slowly getting to know each other, spending leisurely hours talking about what you like and don’t like, want and don’t want so you can become good friends or even mates. Then you reach a shifting point-for weeks you’ve been so obsessed with your “startup relationship” that friends and family are leaving messages, “Where have you been?” No, you didn’t move out of town or leave the planet. You’ve been in the preoccupying, all-absorbing, time-consuming 1st Gear of Relationship!
Committed, you shift to 2nd Gear, de-focus on each other and re-focus on the rest of your lives such as projects, deadlines, appraisals, promotions and bonuses. Productive and competitive again, you work long and hard to plan your wedding and pay for it, find a home and furnish it, fund IRAs or 401Ks, buy stock, and build your client base.

Ah, it seems like you’re accomplishing so much together but actually you’re accomplishing more and more apart with taking care of your new home, starting your family, dropping off kids and picking them up, babysitting for each other so you can attend meetings and take clients to dinner. Now you’re doing more and more separately so you have less and less in common. Division of labor is what you call it but loneliness is what it feels like. And what about your plans and dreams, the unique contributions you want to make in your lives? There’s no time or energy for that now. Increasing pressures, longer hours, more disappointments, misunderstandings and arguments until you reach a choice point.

Do you choose to shift to 3rd Gear together and find solutions? “Honey, we love each other dearly. What can we do to re-create our relationship? To make time to talk for hours like ‘the good ole days’, to get to know each other again, to plan and dream our future. Can we find a regular sitter and set up a date night? Or take a class or start a project we can share and enjoy?”

A quick overview:

1st Gear is for starting and keywords include: new, basic rules, safe/dangerous, right/wrong, good/bad, should/shouldn’t, have to/must. You need to downshift to handle change, expected or unexpected… to slow down to hear about your child’s day or study for your CFA exam. Or handle accident, injury or illness… a sick child, spouse, parent or friend.

2nd Gear is for producing and competing and keywords include: more-better-faster, win/lose, longer/harder, deadline, profit, bonus. Today we spend most of our time accelerating in 2nd Gear.
3rd Gear is for creating and innovating, co-dreaming and cooperating and keywords include: Aha! realize, discover, recreate, innovate and renew.

Yes, from time to time you’ll be in the same gear at the same time and will be learning together, producing together, or creating together. But sometimes you won’t and there will be Mis-Gear-Matches so it’s essential for you to not only recognize which gear you are in, but also which gear your partner, child or client is in. What their gear-needs are and shift gears to meet them.
Now that you know more about the Three Gears and when each is needed, it is time to begin shifting up, and down, at the right time in all your relationships so you can have more fun and romance. And feel more fulfilled together at work and at home.

Guest Contributed By Susan Ford Collins

Susan Ford Collins has been called, “America’s Premier Success and Leadership Coach” by CNN. Collins is also the author of The Technology of Success book series which includes, The Joy of Success: 10 Essential Skills for Getting the Success You Want, (October 2015).

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Change Yourself to Change the World

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Managing ChangeChange is pretty top of mind this week at theglasshammer.com as we prepare for our panel discussion tomorrow as part of our 5th Annual Navigating Your Career event ( no seats left, sorry!). The topic is “So, you want to be a change leader?” and we will chat with our panelists on how they have affected change when it comes to succeeding personally and improving things for people around them.

This is very close to my heart as I undertook a Change Leadership masters at Columbia University in the City of New York (I highly recommend this course to all executives, it is life changing. ) and a big part of the work we did there was using ourselves as tools of change by first understanding who we were, where are biases lie and looking at our appetite for challenging the status quo. That is what change work is! And you would be amazed at the levels of denial most people have around what constructs we all collude to keep in place.

So, start with you. Don’t say you want to have more diverse people in your team and then hire a man, don’t constantly look to men as the authorized experts on every topic and don’t discount yourself as the expert either. If you have got it, flaunt it as so many women I know are less aware than they should be off how equally or possibly more skilled they are than other counterparts yet are happy to defer to them.

Ultimately, it is about owning your influence to effect change!

By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Contact nicki@theglasshammer.com if you would like to hire an executive coach to help you navigate the path to optimal personal success at work

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