Vacation Days: How to Negotiate for More PTO

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Vacation Days

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As a smart, powerful woman, you’re used to negotiating. You’ve made your case for a higher salary equal to your peers, and gotten it. You’ve held your own against both male and female colleagues on projects, and won respect because of your fair, level-headed approach. All these reasons, and more, are why you’re on your way up the ladder.

But what about negotiating for other benefits, like vacation days? Assuming that benefits like paid time off are set in stone when you join a new company or are in a bargaining position during your yearly review is just that — an assumption.

You tend to forget about time off as a bargaining chip, but it’s a valuable asset to negotiate for. Next time the opportunity arises, think about how you can position yourself for more vacation time.

The Importance of Vacation

It’s no secret that America is way behind the rest of the world in vacation time when it comes to guaranteed, nation-wide benefits.

Although some firms have great benefits, legally, you aren’t entitled to any vacation days. Compare that to Brazil, where they’re entitled to 30 vacation days a year.

Work burnout is serious and can cause a lot of issues that can be detrimental to your health. Additionally, studies show that burnout subjects have issues managing their emotions, which could make them more vulnerable to depression. You don’t need something like that getting you down after how hard you’ve worked to make it this far.

In the long run, more paid time off could be even more valuable than a pay raise. Here’s how to get more than those guaranteed 10 days of vacation:

1. Negotiate Right Away

If you’re just starting a job, try to negotiate during the interview process. You can tell if the company really wants you and your skill set is in high demand. Use that as a bargaining chip. The more the company wants you, the more likely they’re going to give you that extra vacation —perhaps even more than you were expecting.

2. Know What You Want

Know the number you’re looking for before you go into the meeting. If you’re negotiating for more PTO instead of some sort of raise, figure out how much vacation time would equal the raise you would be getting. If you know what you want, you know you won’t stop until you get it.

3. Do Your Research

Here’s where your networking skills come in. Find out what other people in your industry have done to successfully negotiate – whether it’s a business deal or a PTO negotiation. See what other requests have been granted or denied to employees in your company. How much were they getting on average? This helps you come up with a number and also gives you insider info on how to get what you want.

It also helps to know the boss you’ll be asking for it from. If you have some trusted colleagues, start asking through the grapevine and see if there’s any timing in particular that works best or if there are certain ways to propose it. Knowing more about the boss lets you mold your presentation to be as attractive as possible.

4. Propose the Benefits of Vacation Time

In addition to the various health benefits it offers, vacation can improve your productivity. A study found that for each additional 10 hours of vacation an employee took, their performance ratings improved eight percent. If you show what a good refueling session can really do for your productivity, it’ll give incentive for both you and other employees to get the amount of vacation they need — and for your boss to grant it.

5. Make a Plan

How can your boss say no when you adequately demonstrate that no work will be left undone in your absence? Explain how you plan to work ahead and cover your work. You can even suggest a cross training program.

Cross training makes it easier for people to take vacations because other people are trained on how to do their job. Basically, as a powerful, smart woman, you get your work done before you leave, and anything that pops up while you’re gone will be covered by people you’ve trained to kick butt in your absence.

With jobs covered at any time, it’s easier for you — and other employees — to take the vacations you want. That’s just one of the benefits.

Tell them how it could lead to higher efficiency and productivity, as well as letting employees learn new skills and possibly discovering new talents in their job capabilities. Research stats to back up the benefits of cross training and create a whole presentation so it’s not just about your vacation time. Implementing this program could be beneficial to your career as well.

6. Be Prepared for a “No”

There’s a good chance your boss has a reason to say no, so don’t let it catch you off guard. You know how to prepare for this, so make sure you keep your cool when it happens. Ask if there are any circumstances that would allow more PTO to happen. Try and work together to find some sort of compromise, if there’s one to be made. Find a way to make it happen.

Show that you can get all of your work done before your vacation would even happen. You’re a powerful woman that can get everything done before you leave. If something were to come up while you’re gone, direct the boss towards the couple people you’ve trained to kick butt in your absence. Prepare ahead and make it hard for them to say no.

Time is something you can never get back. While the hassle of negotiations is never fun, this is something you want to take charge and make sure you get it.

By Sarah Landrum

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4 Steps to Put Positive Thinking Into Action for Success At Work

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happy working womenYou’ve heard about the power of positive thinking and the perils of negative thinking, but when it comes to your ability to reach goals or make dreams happen, the polarities of positive and negative thinking may matter less than getting the friction right between them.

In her HBR article, Gabrielle Oettingen, professor of psychology at NYU and University of Hamburg who has studied human motivation for twenty years, suggests that while negative thinking will never deliver you at the doorstep to your next goal, positive thinking – especially in the form of fantasizing about outcomes – hides some dangerous pitfalls that could keep you from the stairs.

Positive Outcome versus Pursuit

Achieving a goal takes some muster in walking the steps to get there. Even if they are small steps, it’s important to energize yourself towards taking them.

In their research paper, Kappes & Oettingen discuss that “positive fantasies do not lead people to anticipate having to exert cumbersome effort. Instead, positive fantasies allow people to embellish idealized paths to idealized future outcomes.”

Imagining yourself having already coasted without obstacle to your goal can be counterproductive. You mentally feel as though you’ve already arrived at your goal in the present moment, so you relax rather than energize. This can “obscure the need to invest effort in tasks that demand effort.”

Kappes & Oettingen found that fantasizing about a positive outcome can inhibit generating the energy you need to pursue it. They observed that positive fantasies about outcomes created lower physiological (systolic blood pressure) and behavioral energization than negative or neutral fantasies. The research showed “a causal relationship between positive fantasies about desired futures and low energy devoted to their realization.”

As Oettingen writes in HBR, “You’re less motivated to buck up and make the strong, persistent effort that is usually required to realize challenging but feasible wishes.”

They found, “Instead of promoting achievement, positive fantasies will sap job-seekers of the energy to pound the pavement, and drain the lovelorn of the energy to approach the one they like. Fantasies that are less positive – that question whether an ideal future can be achieved, and that depict obstacles, problems, and setbacks – should be more beneficial for mustering the energy needed to attain actual success.”

Easy versus Hard Steps

In further research, Kappes, Sharma & Oettingen found that when potential donors to charitable causes were encouraged to fantasize an ideal resolution to a current problem, they were less willing to put bigger and meaningful resources into actually helping address the problem.

When the demands for time or money were easy, or required relatively few resources, the positive thinkers were in step with the control group. But when the problem asked for more commitment from them – more time, more money, more effort – they folded. Since they’d already fantasized the ideal future as true, the effort to get there seems “overly demanding” now.

Fantasizing about the ideal outcome can mean not only failing to build up the energy to move towards it but also at some level rejecting that it should require significant energy and resources. That’s no recipe for being the agent of your dreams, wishes, or goals.

Positivity Gone Sour

As Oettingen writes in the European Review of Social Psychology, fantasies about attaining a positive future predict low effort and little success. What happens when you fantasize that a future outcome is highly accessible to you and yet your reality fails to meet it – possibly because you never harnessed the necessary drive and resolve to get there?

The opposite of positivity. The more we fail to reach the outcomes we believe should be accessible to us, the more it grinds us down. Oettingen notes, “Low effort and little success translate into more depressive symptoms over time.” This is whether it comes to an external goal (writing that book) or a personal desire (creating more healthy boundaries).

Unrealistic optimism has a habit of ending in hurt, when success doesn’t walk on over and take you by the hand to skip away into tomorrow, the way it did (kind of) in your mind.

“Mental Contrasting” – Put the Positivity into the Process

Rather than solely “indulging” in thoughts of a positive future or solely “dwelling” in the obstacles of a present reality, Oettingen has put forth both in papers and in her book Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation that the power is in “mentally contrasting” the two.

Oettingen developed the process “W-O-O-P”: “Wish-Outcome-Obstacle-Plan.” Her book applies this process to three areas: health, personal and professional relationships, and performing at work.

Step #1 Wish

First, you bring the wish you have for the future to mind, a goal or change that is challenging but possible to achieve in a certain time frame. Maybe it’s getting the lead role on a project team.

Steo #2 Outcome

Second, you let your mind run with fantasizing about the future if your wish came true – what does the best possible outcome feel like? Maybe you imagine yourself in the position and handling it brilliantly, feeling confident and strong.

Step #3 Obstacle

Then, you mentally elaborate on the current reality that stands in the way of realizing this future – what obstacles exist? Bringing up obstacles isn’t negativity – it’s taking a glance at the map so you plan your route strategically. Oettingen advises to ask yourself, “”What is it in me that stands in the way?” simply because you can’t control others. Maybe you realize you have a tendency to undermine the critical role you play in the team’s success because you focus on enabling them.

Step #4 Plan

Make a plan for how you can overcome the obstacle. When it comes to overcoming ingrained behaviors or dealing with specific obstacle scenarios, Oettingen suggests using an implementation intervention such as an “if/then” statement. For example, “If I talk about the team’s success, I’ll play up my personal approach to getting the best results from a team.”

Through Mental Contrasting, Oettingen and Schwörer argue that you are now linking the future to the reality: “It creates determined goal pursuit, reveals the critical situation (obstacle of reality), and links the reality with the instrumental action to overcome the reality (goal-directed action).”

If you have high expectations on being able to overcome the reality, this leads to increased effort, more engagement, and hence more success. The positivity comes in being able to envision yourself taking agency in overcoming the obstacles to make your wish attainable.

On the other hand, if the “WOOP” practice reveals low expectations in being able to overcome obstacles, you may want to discern to put your resources and attention elsewhere.

When we hone our positive thinking power towards our ability to take each necessary step towards our wishes – even the challenging ones that ask for our strength, humility, or perseverance- then positivity can stop being only a beacon in the distance, or a warm feeling for something we’ve yet to do, and become a guiding light that keeps us moving on the path to what we most want.

By Aimee Hansen

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Got Your Sights Set On A Promotion? Don’t Assume They Know How Good You Are

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business meeting at office deskMost people only think about their resume when they’re looking for a new job. While often that means moving to a new employer, sometimes opportunity appears in your own back yard. Someone at a higher level leaves or is promoted leaving an opening perfect for you.

If you think a resume is overkill when applying for an internal promotion, you would be wrong. A winning resume can dramatically increase your odds of securing that new role, particularly when you’re competing with outside candidates with brand-new achievement–based resumes.

Although, external candidates widen the pool, you have one big thing going for you. You’re a known quantity. This means they don’t have to worry whether or not you’re a good fit for the company culture.

Hopefully, you also know some, if not all, of the players that might include the hiring manager, the HR team, and anyone else with influence.
That said, you still need to sell yourself to get the job.

Many people assume that if they’ve been with an employer for several years that their reputation precedes them. They mistakenly think that if they’ve generated X amount of dollars by landing an important client or saved time by streamlining the end-of-month close process that the right people will know.

Unfortunately, they may not. The only way to be sure is to tell them, on your resume.

Whether you’ve been with your employer for 10 months or even 10 years, you can’t expect those in decision-making roles to be aware of how much you have accomplished. You need to sell yourself with an achievement-based resume geared towards your target role. Here are five ways to make a positive impression with your resume.

Emphasize Leadership – If your target position is a step up, it’s essential to identify instances that demonstrate your leadership abilities. Activities like training, supervising and mentoring staff; participating in company leadership or management development programs; any outside professional development or certifications can increase your leadership quotient.

Put the “I” in Team – Dealing with team projects can be tricky, but it doesn’t have to be. While acknowleging the team’s success is important, you need to consider the specific contributions you made. Maybe you contributed some particular knowledge or served as unofficial team leader. Perhaps you were the one who got buy-in from the boss to move forward.

Identify Initiative – Mention any cases whenyou stepped up to take on additional responsibilities, particularly if they had an impact on your department or the company. For example, maybe you managed a project for your current supervisor so he or she could focus on other things like business development. Even better if it ties to an important new client.

Underscore Relationships – Consider any instances where you excelled in relationship building. Maybe you were part of an interdepartmental or cross-company team. Perhaps you collaborated with the head of another department to solve a company-wide problem or negotated better terms with a vendor. Again, even better if your actions had a positive impact on the company.

Showcase Recognition – Think about any recognition you’ve earned during your career. Have you received any company or industry awards? Were you selected for a prestigious leadership program? Acknowledged by a happy client or two? It might even be something from an employment review.

Wherever you are in your career begin keeping track of your accomplishments today. Create a “brag book” with letters from clients, notes from colleagues, and performance reviews. Keep it at home not your office, just in case.

Spend some time looking back on your current and previous positions to identify any challenges you have faced. Maybe you took over a department with low morale or came onboard only to find outdated equipment and/or processes. Next look at the steps you took to solve the problem or at least mitigate it. Finish with the results. If you were part of a team remember to include your contributions.
Demonstrating how you overcame challenges will set you apart from other candidates, internal and external, applying for the same position. It will help to tell your career story. Update your resume every six months so you’ll be ready when the perfect opportunity arises.

Author Bio:

Annette Richmond, principal of career intelligence Resume Writing & Career Services, is a Certified Resume Writer, Certified LinkedIn Profile Writer, and former recruiter. Her career advice has been featured in notable media outlets including Monster, Vault, Business Insider, Forbes, and The Wall Street Journal. Annette’s work was selected for Resumes For Dummies (August 2015).

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Dealing with a Narcissist at work

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

No matter what the job entails task-wise (competence assumed), it is the politics and the inter-personal dynamics that will make or break you.

Image via Shutterstock - Office Politics

Image via Shutterstock

Personality, we all have one, but some people definitely make the workday easier or tougher due to their personality quirks.

The Fall 2016 edition of the HBR’s On Point magazine explores working with different types of people at work including stars who are narcissistic and detrimental to team performance, morale and culture. I think timing is everything and it is no coincidence that this season’s issue on this topic coincides with an election in the US as the articles included span 15 years of research. Other articles include a coaching the alpha male, toxic employees and sabotaging colleagues.

Teams with members who have a narcissistic personality in them often suffer the most individually and as a group, as the person in question often has no clue that the impact of their actions is hard on others.

Even if their have the best of intentions for themselves and if they think they are being benevolent, it is literally impossible for them to think out long term consequences due to the need to look good in the moment. Remind you of anyone?

These folks are often star performers, often male (although not limited to males) and therefore get away with bad behaviors due to their “numbers” or other specific skills. The trouble manifests when they are allowed to run meetings, chastise support staff and generally get an ounce of power or responsibility that they interpret as power to be use and abused.

How many times have you seen this person interrupt others or shut down team brainstorming ideas? How many staff members has he or she upset?

So, how do you deal with someone who is demeaning, demotivating and discrediting the work of others and causing a cultural issue by making bad behavior acceptable?
If you are the boss, manager or leader then you have an opportunity to ensure that the team structure focuses experts on their narrow role such as keeping narcissistic sales people selling. Role and task definition makes it easier for all people to know what they need to do and also need not to do. Conversations around behavior change absent of structural change are often wasted on this person and coaching is not impossible but not easy.

If you are not the boss, then work for companies that just do not tolerate bad behavior (rare, I know) or keeps these folks contained so that they are self-contained and do not become toxic employees or even worst, they become leaders.

If the boss is a narcissist then you may have an inspiring personality at the helm with vision or an espoused vision and often have loyal followers. These leaders expect adulation and empathy and wont return the favor. As the article by Michael Maccoby exploring the pros and cons of narcissistic leaders in the HBR roundup by states, “ Narcissists have a vision –but that is not enough. People in mental hospitals have visions.”

My opinion on the matter is that life is short, get a different job with a mentally stable boss and given the choice don’t make them leaders of your team, company or country.

If you are interested in hiring an Executive Coach to help you navigate your career then please email Nicki@theglasshammer.com to discuss further

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Op Ed: Lawyer turned entrepreneur: Why I decided to bring sports to the casual fan or novice

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baseball field with players playing a game featuredThree years ago, I found myself attending at a charity business development dinner with several partners and the chairman of my law firm. The event had been sponsored by one of the firm’s big sports clients and I was invited to attend, because a few months earlier, I was assigned to a big case representing Major League Baseball. The next thing I knew, I was seated across from Billie Jean King at dinner. To my right, Kareem Abdul Jabaar and Bill Walton were chatting at the next table.

I should have been utterly star-struck, but there was one big problem. I knew virtually nothing about sports. These were some of the most impressive athletes of our time, and yet the experience was somewhat lost on me. Like so many other occasions, I found myself making small talk throughout dinner, but falling uncomfortably silent whenever the conversation turned to sports.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested in sports or consciously didn’t want to participate. Sports were just something that I had never grown up watching. By the time I got to law school at Michigan and football was such a huge part of the culture, I felt out of the loop and far behind many of my other classmates, who had grown up watching the game. I resigned myself to a lifetime of knowing nothing about sports.

But by a twist of fate, I was put on this baseball case at the law firm and I decided that I wanted to be proactive and do something about my sports obliviousness. I began following a couple teams and really getting to know a few players. Suddenly, with my additional knowledge, I felt empowered and it made watching the games fun and enjoyable. Sports were moving from something that had always left me feeling alienated to something that I genuinely enjoyed as a new pass-time.

Even though my case was a bit extreme, because sports-knowledge was nearly a requirement of my job, I found from speaking with friends and colleagues that this feeling of alienation is a common experience for many people who don’t follow sports, especially young professional women.

A 2015 Gallup Poll shows that there is a tangible gender gap in sports fandom with 76% of men earning over $75,000 describing themselves as sports fans, whereas only 56% of similarly high-income women would describe themselves as such. This difference, combined with the fact that only 14% of top executives are women, means that more often than not, ambitious young women are interfacing with men at the top of their companies. And not only that, they are competing with young male colleagues, who may be able to more easily form relationships with their bosses. While I do not think there is anything insidious going on, male associates may be able to more quickly able to form bonds with male bosses because of common interests, in part–sports. This scenario plays out in interactions with interviewers, clients, and colleagues as well.

I can speak from personal experience. Beyond working for MLB, I was frequently surrounded by colleagues chatting about sports. In my class of 20 litigation associates, only 3 were women. The gender breakdown amongst the partnership was similarly stark. At department lunches and firm events, it was often inevitable that the conversation would move beyond idle chitchat about the weather to the latest sports news.

This is not to suggest that women should have to feign interest in sports if they have none. But I think that there are many people, who like me, wanted to learn more but felt intimidated and didn’t know where to know where to start.

When I decided to try and learn more about sports, I found the experience frustrating because there were few resources for sports novices. There were plenty of media outlets for avid sports fans, but nothing that helped break things down and provide context for someone who was just getting started. I thought there was a gap in the marketplace for a product that could help someone develop more sports knowledge in a fun and accessible way.

This idea stuck with me, and just this year I decided to start Goalposte, a daily newsletter that summarizes the major stories in sports, while providing context and primers. In particular, Goalposte’s mission is to help level the playing field for young professional women, who are more likely to feel alienated in sports conversations with coworkers, bosses, interviewers, and clients. I hope that this simple daily newsletter will make it easier to cultivate a genuine interest in sports and that there will fewer women in the workplace who have to sit on the outside looking in when the conversation turns to sports.

About the Author:

Jane Wu Brower is the Founder and CEO of Goalposte, a daily newsletter that summarizes the major stories in sports in a fun and accessible way for casual sports fans and novices (www.goalposte.com). She was formerly a management consultant for the Boston Consulting Group and a litigation associate at Proskauer Rose LLP.

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Why working less can help you get ahead and get in control of your work

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working from homeIn many organizations, there is a culture in which people brag about how many hours they work. Working so hard that you can barely keep your head above water is a badge of honor in those cultures. “How have you been?” is often followed with a confident and proud “Busy! I haven’t had a minute to catch my breath …” As women climb the ladders of success, this pressure to always work can get out of control. Many women also feel pressed to outdo their male counterparts, just to be competitive with them, making the problem even worse.

However, women do themselves a disservice by competing on sheer numbers of hours put in. On one level, it may be unhealthy – a recent study published in the Lancet shows working more than 55 hours a week is associated with a 1/3rd increased risk of stroke. On another level, working that long is actually counterproductive.

Working non-stop is a relic from the days when work needed far less creative and cognitive capacity. Working around the clock is based on a misguided attempt to maximize efficiency. If you’re dealing with a factory assembly line, you can increase output by eliminating any downtime – by making it more efficient. But human beings don’t work the same way. Eliminating downtime actually makes us less productive.

However, human beings can do something that machines can’t – we can have brief periods of fantastic productivity, when we set up the right mental and physiological conditions for it. In those brief times, just a couple of hours of excellent focus, we can get more of the truly important work done than if we had been wearing ourselves out by working around the clock.

Here are three of the science-based ways you can set up those conditions for brief periods of fantastic productivity, and in the process regain work-life balance:

  • There are times to skip something on your to-do list. Suppose you have a big client meeting in the afternoon and you have to win them over. You know that when you’re at your best, you’re in control and nothing can stop you. However, when you got to work this morning, there was a fire to put out, a ton of back emails, and a goals report due. So you stayed at your desk for hours getting it all out of the way before heading to your client meeting. It may have felt like an efficient use of time, but every time we make decisions – even unimportant ones – we fatigue our brain’s decision-making resources. So after a morning like this, you’re likely to walk into that client meeting unable to make quick decisions, and struggling to think about ideas that would be clear and easy for you, had you focused on refreshing your mental energy right before the meeting. Actually skipping something on your morning list, to give you 20 minutes of mental downtime right before the meeting can help you succeed at what actually matters, the client meeting.
  • The best way to stay focused for long periods is actually to let your mind wander when it needs to. Our brains’ attention systems are not designed for continual uninterrupted focus, but instead to tell us what’s changing. This is adaptive, and if your mind drifts every 15 or 20 minutes, that means everything is working as it should be. However, what you do when your mind drifts can have a big effect on how quickly you get back to work and how effective you are when you do. One option is to fight it. That will only backfire because you’re drifting for a reason, and it will keep happening. Most people will aim to take a break – something “useful” like checking email, or something fun like checking facebook or shopping. Doing so harms productivity in two ways. One is the obvious one, that it’s easy to get sucked in and lose a half hour or more. The other is counter-intuitive. All that information tracking blocks important background processes that can help us be more effective when we return to work. Rather than switching to something fun or useful, like shopping or email, when you let your mind wander – e.g. staring out the window, and wondering about the lives of people walking by – you create a mental scenario in which the brain can shift away from what it was focusing on, but in which there is not so much new information coming in that it takes too many cognitive resources. Mind wandering has been shown to improve creative problem solving for whatever you were working on before wandering, to help us sort out future plans, and to help us find ways to delay gratification. Just a few minutes of staring out the window can help your mind wander. And because it is somewhat boring, we tend to snap out of it after a few minutes. So you can get back to work far quicker than if you had gone online, and also be more effective when you return. So when your mind wants to wander, let it, and you’ll be back to work in minutes ready to stay focused and get through the work that matters most.
  • Use exercise as a productivity strategy. Most of the exercise advice out there is about the long-term benefits: look better, live longer, and so on. Those are nice things to have, but there’s no immediate reliable effect. It’s more of a long-term game. However, there is a totally different side to exercise that is seldom talked about, but for which there is a great deal of research. This is the short-term consequences. Moderate exercise (working up a little sweat, maybe 20 minutes on the treadmill) is a highly reliable way to reduce anxiety for the next few hours. If you need a reset in the middle of the day, there’s nothing like it to get you back into a mental space where it is easy to concentrate and easy to let the small stuff go that doesn’t matter. If you have an important and tough project, make moderate exercise part of your preparation for that project. You’ll be able to take a project that could have dragged on, and instead be far more present so you can bring your best mental energy to it.

Rather than simply aiming to put in as many hours as you can, you can get a leg up on the competition by setting yourself up for brief bursts of peak productivity.

I describe these and other science-based strategies to regain control of your work while increasing work-life balance in my new book, Two Awesome Hours: Science-Based Strategies to Harness Your Best Time and Get Your Most Important Work Done.

Guest Contributed by New York NeuroLeadership Institute Research Director & NeuroCoach Josh Davis, Ph.D.

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Do you really need an Executive Coach?

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Do you really need an Executive Coach?

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Are you getting the right amount of feedback? Do you have a career navigation plan? Do you know your levels of emotional intelligence? Do your values and how you want to live your life match up with your job demands? Are you stuck in the same old job? If you answer any of these questions with a no, then you should consider a coach.

There are many types of coaches and fit is everything so make sure you have an exploratory chat first. I would also say that there is a wide range of competency out there and many people just become coaches as they think they have “been there”, so perhaps review robustly what credentials and experience your potential coach has.

I used to be really cynical about Executive coaches until five years ago. I thought coaching was for “issue” employees or for resolving personality clashes between high performers and bosses. What I have come to realize ( and have become a coach myself with increased commitment to the highest levels of practice, learning and certification) is that coaching is life changing for many reasons and in my opinion the fastest way to empower women and all people on their professional advancement journey. Simply put, the right coach can do the following- help you understand yourself better ( personality) and what you want and then can help you understand all of this in the context of helping you to understand your behaviors. Does what you say you want, match what you are actually doing?

Organizational Psychology has taught me that those very behaviors that make or break any of us are interestingly caused in part by the environment we work in. The team and company “norms” and culture have a bigger role to play than perhaps any of us gives credit for. Understanding how to spot implicit norms with your coach and naming your triggers to some of your habits on a tough day at work is life enhancing.

Believe me, it is not just about the Myers Briggs or any other tool that tells you about yourself. You have to look at the big picture and the personalities in the game. Who gets to be in charge, who gets rewarded and what gets rewarded at your workplace? What gets tolerated? How do we do work around here?

So, if you are looking to go further and be happier, then consider an executive coach. It is hard to recognize you need one until you have one. I was the same way and I had an executive coach very early in my career and I still did not believe in the power of them – why? I had the wrong coach and the reasons that the company gave me the coach was conflict resolution based without involving the person who was in the conflict. Any good piece of psychology reading with tell you, or as your grandma would say, “ It takes two to tango” so no wonder coaching has a mixed reputation out there in the world.

For me, having a coach, helps me refine my thoughts and speak out loud about the realities of my strategies, and the truths about my hopes and dreams. For others, I provide an academic approach to sort out the next steps in their professional life and help with linear progression if that is what they want and if they don’t then we figure that out too. Good coaching keep you honest. Try it, and like everything in life, if you don’t find it useful then that is ok too!

If you are interested in hiring an executive coach then please email nicki@theglasshammer.com and she will be happy to discuss your needs further.

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Can Being Slightly Narcissist Help You Become a Leader?

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female leaderIn the past couple of years, there has been great emphasis on women being more confident in order to become more leaderlike so that they can be promoted to leadership positions. The ugly side of having confidence is being overly entitled and having narcissist tendencies, and this is something that is rarely discussed while looking at leaders of both genders. Are you or is your boss a narcissist?

It turns out that in general men are more narcissistic than women, according to a meta-analysis of 475,000 participants across three decades, which generated headlines running the gamut from The Huffington Post to Science Daily to The Daily Mail, and it did. As The Washington Post responded, “This surprises no one.”

But this isn’t about a battle of the sexes. With findings in hand, researcher Emily Grijalva, PhD, from the University of Buffalo School of Management and her co-authors crack open bigger questions about how our culture shapes people, shapes leadership, shapes outcomes. And how gender-disparate outcomes – playing out in your office and perhaps your career – reinforce the gender stereotypes creating them.

What makes you a narcissist?

The study that was published in the journal Psychological Bulletin, examined over 350 journal articles, dissertations, manuscripts and technical manuals and analysed gender differences in three facets of narcissism across nearly half a million people and age groups. The researchers examined responses to statements designed to identify individual levels of each of these three aspects.

  • Entitlement/Exploitation (E/E) is the most maladaptive facet, correlated with negative behaviors and outcomes such as aggression and manipulation.
  • Illustrative questions: “I insist upon getting the respect that is due to me” and “I find it easy to manipulate people.”
  • Leadership/authority (L/A) – is the most adapative facet and reflects motivation for authority and desire for power.
  • Illustrative questions: “I would prefer to be a leader” and, “I like having authority over people.”
  • Grandiosity/Exhibitionism (G/E) – is tendencies of vanity, self-absorption, exhibitionism, and superiority.
  • Illustrative questions: “I really like to be the center of attention” and “I know that I am good because everybody keeps telling me so.”

Grijalva notes that because narcissism is associated with outcomes, examining gender differences in narcissism may help to explain gender disparity when it comes to women in leadership positions in Corporate America.

A little bit of Narcissism can help you in your career

“I think it’s best characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, believing you are more important and special than other people and being less empathetic to others,” author Grijalva says of narcissism in a video interview.

While it would be widely agreed that narcissism is not an attractive aspect of the human condition – cross-cultural fables after all tend to emphasize the perils- it still nets some positive individual outcomes.In fact, healthy or adaptive narcissism – the right aspects in the “right degree” – relate to positive well-being, confidence, self-sufficiency and even parenting.

“Narcissism is associated with various interpersonal dysfunctions, including an inability to maintain healthy long-term relationships, unethical behavior and aggression,” said author Grijalva.

“At the same time, narcissism is shown to boost self-esteem, emotional stability and the tendency to emerge as a leader.” She also points out that it’s associated with making a strong first impression and being perceived as charismatic.

The study found that men, across generations and regardless of age, consistently scored measurably higher than women in the first two categories of narcissism.

The widest gender gap was in the maladaptive facet of entitlement and exploitation.

According to the researchers,on average men, but of course not every man, are more likely to feel entitled to special privileges and be willing to exploit others to advance self-interest.

This is interesting since research has demonstrated that one impact of having women present on corporate boards is higher ethical and social compliance.

The second largest gap was in leadership and authority, where the researchers assert men demonstrated greater assertiveness and desire for power (for its sake) than women.

But when it came to grandiosity and exhibitionism, or traits like vanity and self-absorption, there was no gap between genders.

Messaging from a young age and the impact on stereotypes

Pulling on previous research, the study speculates the narcissism gap may be reflective of both biological and social differences, ingrained and self-fulfilling gender stereotypes. This means narcissism could be encouraged and developed in males, or punished and suppressed in females, through gender conditioning.

The researchers suggest societal “agentic” definitions of masculinity overlap with narcissism and societal “communal” definitions of femininity exclude it.

“Individuals tend to observe and learn gender roles from a young age, and may face backlash for deviating from society’s expectations,” Grijalva says. “In particular, women often receive harsh criticism for being aggressive or authoritative, which creates pressure for women, more so than for men, to suppress displays of narcissistic behavior.”

The researchers suggest it’s more socially acceptable for men to display “agentic characteristics” such as dominance and assertiveness, which reinforces more narcissistic personality tendencies, and also means they emerge as leaders.

This gender-disparate outcome self-perpetuates: men keep emerging as leaders, leadership traits continue to be male-associated, and more women continue to suppress their “agentic” sides to conform to gender expectations and avoid cultural backlash.

Society keeps looking at its face in the mirror, and seeing the same reflection.

Interestingly, the study also looked at college students from 1990-2013 and found no evidence that neither men nor women had become more or less narcissistic with time, letting the Millennial generation off the hook in this particular study- despite the rise in “selfies”.

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How Speaking Out Can Help Release Pressure

Women Speaking
As Thomas Carlyle once said, “No pressure, no diamonds.”

Indeed, pressure plays a vital role in life. It serves as an obstacle, a challenge that forces each one of us to improve, develop, and grow.

However, when you let pressure pile up unchecked and unanswered, it will cease being a challenge and start being a real problem that will inevitably take its toll on your body and mind.

Work is one of the many pressure-riddled aspects in a woman’s life. Uncooperative colleagues, office politics, supplier mixups, and clients that are difficult to deal with are just some of the common problems they usually face at work.

When you let these pressure build up at work, it will lead to performance issues and productivity slumps that will significantly hurt your chances at going up the corporate ladder or even worse, ruin your career.

It’s Time To Take Charge

Stop letting work pressure push you around. Most of the time, the cause of work pressure can be effectively handled at the onset by speaking out. Read on and find out six benefits of speaking out that can help release pressure at work and even discover ways to fast track your career:

Clear Communication is Essential at Work

From fostering great relationship with family and friends to dealing with coworkers and clients, clear communication is essential. It removes ambiguity and makes sure everyone is on the same page.

Speaking out imposes clear communication. It allows everyone to learn of your intent, issues, and suggestions clearly, which can lead to better resolutions or a great outcome. This is critical especially at work since a smooth-flowing operation heavily relies on details.

To avoid pressure due to work-related mistakes and misunderstandings, don’t deprive yourself of the opportunity to speak up.

Better Working Relationships

Sometimes, speaking out may mean you’re speaking for somebody else. Not everyone has the heart to speak out in fear of indirect backlash or being deemed brash and forceful by the people at the office. By speaking out, you’re effectively fostering a better work relationship with your colleagues. After all, friends make work a lot easier.

Some of the benefits of speaking out is how it injects a dose of confidence in your peers who are unable or unwilling to speak out for themselves. By being vocal about your thoughts, you’re subtly encouraging your work mates to speak out for themselves. The people at the office will eventually thank you, and love you, for it.

Great friendship and working relationship will help in reducing pressure in a significant way.

Respecting Yourself

Speaking out means you’re setting clear boundaries on what’s best for you, your career, and your health. Being honest is a great way to reassure yourself of the self-respect you deserve.

Remember, you can only handle so much. By speaking out and being honest about it, you’re boosting your self image, helping your career grow, and keeping your health from sliding down. Even better, speaking out makes people respect you. It’s one of the great benefits of communication at work. A person who knows his abilities, limitations and knows how to assert himself is a person that will be admired and respected by everybody.

Speaking out saves you from a self-imposed pressure brought by being silent.

Silence May Means ‘Yes’

Failing to speak up may lead to manipulative bosses and opportunistic colleagues who are assuming that you’re agreeing to what could be unreasonable demands and demeaning proposals.

By keeping your mouth shut, you’re allowing these people to have their way without any semblance of resistance, which may lead to them repeating their behavior over and over until your body can’t keep up anymore and your career suffers.

Speaking up puts a stop on their untoward work behavior and release pressure at work.

Show Passion and Concern

Speaking shows your passion and concern towards work. Speaking out shows that you care enough to voice out your thoughts on the matter at hand.

People who appreciate passion isn’t confined inside the four corners of the office, passion gets the attention of senior executives.

Passion speaks volumes, it shows in your actions and it resonates among colleagues. It motivates them.

Speaking up brings out this dormant passion out.

A big bonus: communicating clearly for faster promotion is definitely a great idea. Getting promoted will essentially handle most of your finance-related pressure as well. A win-win for you and your workplace.

Keep Everyone Informed

There are a lot of unnoticed work issues that requires a person empathic enough to speak out and alert everybody of the problem before it goes out of hand.

This maybe a faulty machine, an operations loophole, or ill-will among colleagues. By refusing to speak out, you’re effectively letting this problem continue until it becomes a costly and difficult situation to handle. Turning a blind eye will only incur grudge from people and might treat you like you’re the one who instigated the problem in the first place.

This kind of pressure is avoidable and something you don’t deserve.

Put an End to Work-related Pressure Once and For All
Most of the problems at work can be attributed to poor communication. By speaking out, you’re reducing pressure at work that can gnaw and haunt your career if you left it unaddressed. One of the benefits of communication at work is that it eases up the work process and keeps everyone on good terms at the same time. Keeping this up means you’re keeping the pressure down.

Considering that half of our lives will be spent at work and with workmates, it’s necessary that you deal with work-related problems and find ways to release pressure at work as soon as you can.

Speak out.

Let your voice be heard.

Let your intentions be known.

That’s how you achieve clear and effective communication.

That’s how you can release pressure.

Guest contributed by Jona Jones

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Leadership: How to be authentic at work and why sincerity can hinder that

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thought-leadershipBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Pyschologist

The trouble with “authenticity” in the workplace is that there are many definitions of what being authentic is and in reality we are often defined by the role we play. There are two types of roles and the first and most tangible is the task role we have at work, literally the duties we have to deploy to get paid. The second type of role is deeper and more or less mandated formally. It is the psychological role we are given or that we take up willingly due to gender stereotypes. Look around your office, who buys the birthday cards? (the person who plays the office “mom” or “wife” usually is a woman and often works in HR). Who gets given the important tasks etc? I have written many times about the fact that by default and in aggregate men are given the mantle of being viewed leader-like (these are men as a concept not actual individual men that we know,I may add). If there are 8 major traits to being a leader such as competence and productivity, then why do we assume that straight white men just automatically have them?

Since this post is part two of me telling you to read Herminia Ibarra’s book “ Act Like A Leader, Think Like a Leader”, let us look at how you can show up authentically but strike the right balance of being authoritative when needed with the right amount of gravitas whilst still being seen as human.

So, How do you show up as when you are supposedly just being you? Stanford psychologist, Hazel Markus showed that people’s identities are based just as much on future possibilities as they are on formative past and present states. Why does sincerity matter? And when is too much sincerity a bad thing? When you can not possibly do everything you say you will and still be productive or when you have to disclose every detail of the business plan leaving no room for executive flexibility and reducing our credibility in the process.

I have taught courses on being authentic as it pertains to being in alignment with your values and purpose. This too is something that Herminia Ibarra comments is open to then providing a free range of behaviors that allows for flexibility and adaptability. This is optimal as it allows us to have emotional intelligence (EQ), to be chameleon like when we need to but without losing ourselves.

Sounds good, right? Without this ‘reading the room’ piece all of us are totally at the mercy of our personalities which are fairly fixed and intrinsic. I am a believer in Lewin’s theory- that our behaviors are a product of the perfect storm of our personality and our environment that we operated in. So, on those bad ‘back against the wall’ days at work, we have to be able to modulate our reactions and the most eccentric, confrontational and bold amongst us will suffer in most teams far more than the passive aggressive folks as that sadly is totally normal in many corporate cultures today.

When I was at Columbia university studying the topic of leadership, the faculty repeated time and time again that it is really important if you are a leader to have followers and without them you are just a person who has your name on the corner office. Even if you are not yet at the corner office the same rings true. So, “Fake it til you make it” as the popular saying goes, but “make sure you make it” is the part I feel needs to be added.

You can do it!!

If you are interested in hiring an executive coach to help you navigate your career then please contact nicki@theglasshammer.com who will be happy to discuss things further

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