What makes you trustworthy as a leader is not whether you make a mistake at all. You are bound to make some because real leadership enters into the  area of unknown outcome. It’s whether you are capable of owning your mistakes – and if you can handle them with honesty, integrity and grace.

The best leaders don’t become less trustworthy when they make a mistake. They become more trusted – precisely because of how they owned and managed the process.

The Importance of Admitting When You Are Wrong

Previously, research across 3,100 employees in 13 countries revealed that the largest gap in leadership behavior between what matters to employees and what is perceived to be consistently demonstrated by supervisors is: “admitting when they are wrong.”

Eighty-one percent of employees considered it important or very important for leaders to admit mistakes, but only 41 percent felt their bosses consistently did so.

Researchers found that a leader’s willingness to “admit when they are wrong” is the top tested behavior when it comes to positively impact on employee job satisfaction and intention to stay in the job.

The Danger of Deniability or Deflection

An inability to perceive and admit mistakes is not at all a strength, but a weakness – and in a leader, it’s blind and dangerous.

Nobody enjoys being wrong, and Psychology Today points out that sometimes we accept full responsibility and sometimes we accept only partial responsibility for mistakes, but that is different than a tendency to “push back against the actual facts”.

When an individual repetitively pushes back on all evidence and is simply unable to admit he or she is wrong, it’s psychological rigidity.

“Some people have such a fragile ego, such brittle self-esteem, such a weak “psychological constitution,” that admitting they made a mistake or that they were wrong is fundamentally too threatening for their egos to tolerate,” writes Guy Winch, Ph.D., “Accepting they were wrong, absorbing that reality, would be so psychologically shattering, their defense mechanisms do something remarkable to avoid doing so — they literally distort their perception of reality to make it (reality) less threatening. Their defense mechanisms protect their fragile ego by changing the very facts in their mind, so they are no longer wrong or culpable.”

Winch points out that this person may appear as though standing their ground and not backing down, and we would then associate this behavior with being strong, but this behavior is anything but strength or conviction.

“These people are not choosing to stand their ground; they’re compelled to do so in order to protect their fragile egos…” write Winch. “It takes a certain amount of emotional strength and courage to deal with that reality and own up to our mistakes.”

If someone cannot admit a mistake in the face of clear evidence, if they have to blame something else, deflect or change the story, it’s because their ego is too fragile to allow the humility (or humanity) of erring. That’s the opposite of leadership.

On a lighter scale, even not vocally acknowledging a mistake or glossing over it can reflect a lack of awareness in the growth value of doing so.

“As any great leader will tell you, they have made many mistakes along the way. They will admit that it was the collective insight from bad decisions that taught them invaluable lessons – and how to see opportunities in everything and anticipate the unexpected more quickly,“ writes author Glenn Lopis in Forbes. “Successful leaders are transparent enough with themselves and others to admit their wrong doings so that those around them can also benefit from their learnings. They call this wisdom and many leaders lack it – because they are too proud to recognize mistakes as valuable learning moments for themselves and others.”

The Alchemy in Owning Mistakes = Trust

“Being a leader doesn’t mean that you’re always right or that you won’t err,” writes Jim Whitehurst, president and CEO of Red Hat, “What being a leader does mean is airing the reasons for why you did something and then making yourself accountable for the results—even if those you’re accountable to don’t directly work for you.”

Admitting and taking responsibility for a mistake means a willingness to show human vulnerability and transparency – which cultivates a sense of trust, adds to your credibility as a leader and earns respect.

“Typically, when leaders realize they’ve made a mistake, others have noticed, too. Leaders who then fail to admit they were wrong leave employees feeling as though their leaders consider being right more important than being honest,” writes Chris McCloskey, from Dale Carnegie Training. “Taking responsibility demonstrates that leaders value integrity over the easier paths of laying blame or hoping their mistake won’t be exposed. Admitting when you’re wrong also shows you’re aware of, and therefore in a position to learn from, your mistakes. This can build further confidence in your leadership.”

Owning your mistake provides an important sense of safety as a leader, and puts more validity behind your word. When employees feel safe, their talents and energies are put towards supporting the leader rather than protecting their position in the organization, while creating a culture in which employees can feel safe to take important risks and own their mistakes too.

Michelle Reina, of Reina Trust Building consultants, writes, “through nearly 25 years of trust-focused research and experience, we can give one piece of guidance to leaders seeking to increase their trustworthiness: Take responsibility for your mistakes.” Reina asks, “Do you remember the last time you didn’t just ‘get through’ a mistake, but embraced it as a ready-made opportunity to deepen trust?”

Reina argues that the authenticity, integrity and safety built through  owning a mistake and then addressing solutions catalyzes trust: “In our experience, when you admit you’ve made a mistake, you don’t erode trust in your leadership, you strengthen it.”

What Women Must Keep in Context

Research shows women are more likely to hold on to mistakes emotionally and blame themselves, while men move on faster, tell “tidy stories” or exhibited detached perspectives on mistakes.

So while being forthcoming in owning real mistakes, it’s also important for women particularly to remember that ownership of a mistake does not justify or require self-shaming. And this is not about habitual apologizing, which is clearly something to break from.

Owning a real mistake is about owning a clearly bad judgment or decision as something you are capable of as a human, so you can acknowledge and learn from it. It’s about knowing you are big enough to admit an error, not making yourself smaller. Whereas self-shaming means women are going to a place of “I am bad” for having ever made that mistake.

“Women can spend less energy beating themselves up and more energy learning from the mistake,” writes Alina Tugenda, author of ‘Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong’. “I’m not advocating blaming “the system,” but being able to depersonalize the mistake helps us to view it more objectively and learn whatever lessons can be learned from it.”

Navigating Your Mistakes

Ultimately, making a mistake or judgment in error is a reflection of having been willing to take the decisions that come at both risk and opportunity.

What matters is the ability to allow the humanness to acknowledge your mistakes cleanly without covering them up, displacing blame or overly internalizing and dramatizing the mistake.

Beyond owning the mistake, leadership actions are mitigating the damage, learning from your mistakes, openly working with your team to address solutions, helping others to avoid the same mistake and moving onwards.

A mistake is a mistake. The process of navigating the mistake can be a stepping stone towards greater trust, respect and admiration as a leader. As with anything, it’s how you handle it that makes the difference.

By Aimee Hansen

Aimee Hansen is a freelance writer, frequent contributor to theglasshammer and Creator and Facilitator of Storyteller Within Retreats, Lonely Planet recommended women’s circle retreats focused on self-exploration and connecting with your inner truth and sacred expression through writing, yoga, meditation, movement and ceremonies.

Not all “networking” is the same, and maybe the word itself needs attuning.

The more your network reflects an inner circle of women, the more effective it may be in supporting your growth and advancement. But even beyond networking, having women in your inner circle matters.

In the Harvard Business Review, Brian Uzzi, Professor of Leadership and Organizational Change at Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Management, writes about his research collaboration into what kinds of networks helped new men MBAs and women MBAs secure executive leadership positions.

For male MBAS, centrality is what mattered – not how big the network is, but being central within it or connected to multiple “hubs”- lots of contacts across different groups. The top quarter of central men obtained jobs that were 1.5 times higher in pay and authority than the bottom quarter.

Centrality also mattered for women, but the women that landed the executive roles with highest levels of authority and pay also had an inner circle of close female contacts in particular. The gender composition of men’s inner circle did not factor into success of MBA graduate placement.

“Women who were in the top quartile of centrality and had a female-dominated inner circle of 1-3 women landed leadership positions that were 2.5 times higher in authority and pay than those of their female peers lacking this combination,” Uzzi writes. “While women who had networks that most resembled those of successful men (i.e., centrality but no female inner circle) placed into leadership positions that were among the lowest in authority and pay.”

Insider Insight Goes Beyond Market Information

The researchers speculate that the inner circle of women is highly likely to provide insight into navigating the unique challenges that women face and to be a permissive space for asking questions outside of an official interview context.

“…because women seeking positions of executive leadership often face cultural and political hurdles that men typically do not,” Uzzi speculates, “they benefit from an inner circle of close female contacts that can share private information about things like an organization’s attitudes toward female leaders, which helps strengthen women’s job search, interviewing, and negotiation strategies.”

The most successful inner circles for women included women who were closely connected to one another but had fewest contacts in common, so as to each have a wider access to insight from more women.

Forget Networking. Nurture Real Connections.

If what likely matters in the inner circle of women is actually collaborating to support and lift each other, then it’s about building relationships you want to be in.

“I always say a woman alone has power; collectively we have impact,” writes Shelly Zalis, in Forbes, Founder and CEO of The Female Quotient. “Traditionally we have been taught to be competitive with one another, because there was such a scarcity of jobs at the top. It’s so clear that strategy doesn’t work.”

Zalis recommends to cultivate an inner circle of women by reframing networking so it’s not “work”: “When you create connections based on shared interests and goals, you’ll be more successful at your job, because people want to work with people they know and like.”

“My advice to women is to reframe what networking is,” says Gail Tifford, Chief Brand Officer of WW. “The fact alone that the word has “work” in it creates pressure for women to feel like it’s something they have to do, and then I see women stress about how to do it.  Simply putting yourself in environments that give you the opportunity to meet with peers and get to know each other and share experiences can be a game changer. And chances are, if you make meaningful connections, they are ones that will last a lifetime.”

Relating is not something you “do”. It’s something you and others invest your time and energy in because it’s mutually enriching. Putting yourself into a space where you are sharing with women from diverse relevant backgrounds can magnify your shared sense of belonging and your opportunities.

“Networking is one and done…” writes Zalis.”A relationship, on the other hand, touches your heart and creates an everlasting partnership. To keep connections alive, they must be nurtured.”

Raise Each Other Up

Shedding a mindset of scarcity and competitiveness between women around opportunities also means a willingness to raise other women up, including according to Julie Koepsell, Managing Director of Fellow, creating opportunities for other women to shine, helping to remove obstacles to success, encouraging them, finding out what’s important to other women so you can support them, and leading with example.

“At first it may seem like you’re taking attention away from yourself,” says Rebecca Wiser in the Forbes article, cofounder and director of communications at Womaze, a self-empowerment app for women, “but you’re actually showing that you’re a supportive team player as well as an inspiring leader—and secure enough in yourself to praise others.”

Real leadership does not mean standing alone in the spotlight, or hoarding ownership of the light, but rather a willingness to witness it in others and collectively rise together. It means supporting others in lighting up so that we all shine more.

Perhaps it’s the “net” in networking that needs more emphasis, a circle of women helps to support, hold, lift and create something that catches more opportunities for all.

Extend Your Circle Outside Your Comfort Zone

As evidenced in the research study, diversification of even your inner circle matters when it comes to supporting each other into better opportunities. As Uzzi writes, “The more you associate with similar-minded or experienced people, the less likely you will be to diversify your network and inner circle.”

It takes some to bust out of gravitating towards those who already feel “like us”. Expanding the power of your tribe means expanding your willingness to connect beyond your comfort zone.

Two ways to do this is first of all, be willing to allow “random selection” to comprise your inner circle – Uzzi found that random grouping “raised the odds that female students will befriend those with experience and goals beyond their own, again expanding their knowledge and contacts in career-enhancing ways.”

Secondly, check into how closed your circle is. If the connections of the circle are too interconnected, then it may not be as expansive for each of you. Uzzi provides the examples of workplace or industry affinity groups.

Diversifying your circle creates circles rippling outward, and that shape reaches out to new opportunities and experiences.

Authors Bio: Aimee Hansen is a freelance writer, frequent contributor to theglasshammer and Creator and Facilitator of Storyteller Within Retreats, Lonely Planet recommended women’s circle retreats focused on self-exploration and connecting with your inner truth and sacred expression through writing, yoga, meditation, movement and ceremonies.