Op-Ed: From Imposter to Expert – My Five Steps To Finally Gaining Confidence as a Leader

For many people jumping into a new job or career path, imposter syndrome can feel like an almost inevitable side effect. As the persistent whisper in the back of your head spews insecurities about your abilities, you learn the ropes of work culture and try your best to block out those harmful thoughts of self-criticism.

For some, those feelings subside as you gradually gain confidence through experience. But for others, it can incessantly linger with no end in sight, clouding every accomplishment.

I was at a VC event in Miami while building my second start-up. The event was held in a club, and due to the VC’s pedigree, most attendees were male. The firm hosting the event hired models to walk around as eye candy to make the event feel “cooler” to the male founders.

I know this may seem hard to believe, but this was only three years ago, in 2022. I acted like I was supposed to be there, even though I didn’t feel like I was.

My inner CEO was trying to crawl into the corner and wait for the perfect time to exit, but she has goals to achieve and won’t reach them by sitting in the corner and leaving early.

Understanding Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is when we feel anxious and can’t experience success internally, despite being high performing in objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like “a fraud” or “a phony” and doubting their abilities. With imposter syndrome, inadequacy and competence are symbiotic. You attribute external success to things like circumstance or luck.

Limiting beliefs are intertwined with self-worth. Our programming is a culmination of things that have happened. When you haven’t done the work to understand the stories you’re telling yourself, you will operate daily from their subconscious, the 95% below the surface that we don’t see. (Picture the iceberg)

Five Steps to Increase Confidence

It can be frustrating to watch others take bold leaps of faith while you feel stuck on the sidelines, second-guessing every move. But contrary to popular belief, confidence is not something everyone is just born with, but a skill that you can build up with time. Here are five steps to start building that muscle:

Step 1: Pattern Recognition – The first step is recognizing patterns, loops, or mud that you find yourself often walking through. Create a note in your phone titled “Stories vs. Facts.” Whenever you catch yourself in a moment feeling stuck, pause and ask yourself: What Story am I Telling Myself Right Now?

Step 2: Future Casting – Close your eyes and picture that perfect day, and say it out loud as if it’s actually happening now. Sometimes it helps to picture the person you want to emulate in your life. Study them. Use them as your source of inspiration.

Step 3: Fact-finding – Look at the stories you’ve been telling yourself. It’s time to combat the stories with the facts. Think of the concrete examples that balance out your story. Acknowledge black-and-white thinking and add some gray to the mix.

Step 4: Reframe & Action Plan – Reframing is a powerful tool that examines a situation, thought, or feeling from a different perspective. In changing the framing, we change its meaning. Now that you have the facts, you can reframe your situation and add an action plan.

Step 5: Repetition Increasing – Confidence takes time and practice. You can’t expect to start playing the game of life at an expert level immediately, but these five steps will give you the practice you need to master the skills that will get you to where you want to go.

Taking Control of Your Career

In my first job out of college, my boss sat me down and told me a harsh fact: no one is ever going to look out for my career; that’s my job. “My work will speak for itself,” or that “If I just work harder, they will notice me.” That’s BS. No one can read your mind, and no one can see all the work you are doing.

I created a tool called “Managing Up Mondays,” where I send an email every Monday to the people who are in charge of my fate within my company or career. The format is simple:

Hey [Manager]! I wanted to start a weekly “what’s on my plate” email to help with three things. 1. Give line of sight into my priorities. 2. Get ahead of misalignment/strategy shifts. 3. Share any roadblocks or answers I may need from you to move faster. I also wanted to highlight a few wins from the week prior.
—–
When you take your career into your own hands, you will notice how much “luckier” you become. Fake feelings can lead to actual feelings. Fake confidence can lead to real confidence. Just don’t fake knowledge, experience, and connections. Those are for you to collect along the way.

Adapted from “Toxic Grit” by Amanda Goetz

By: Amanda Goetz is a 2x founder, 5x chief marketing officer, and was a single mom to three small children before finding love again. She spent two decades building and growing consumer-facing brands before shifting to writing, teaching, and coaching ambitious working parents on how to balance success and life. She graduated summa cum laude from the University of Illinois and, after hustling the streets of New York City for over a decade, is now testing out every sunscreen in the world on her children in Miami. And this October she released her first book, Toxic Grit.

(Guest Contribution: The opinions and views of guest contributions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com)