OP-Ed: It’s Never Too Late To Be Your Whole Self

What can companies and their leaders do to empower each employee to be their whole self? Lori McEvoy, Managing Director and Global Head of Distribution at Jennison Associates, shares what she’s learned over a 30-year career in asset management.

When I started my career in the late 1980s, I could not reveal I was gay (now recognized as lesbian). I knew there were others like me, but they were all closeted, especially some very experienced professionals. My uncle and his long-time companion were gay and, as senior leaders of a major insurance company, they were closeted. They knew they could be legitimately fired for their sexual orientation. They brought women to social and corporate events, lived at separate addresses, and never publicly acknowledged their life together. It was a time when few gay people were open. Even today, just 2% of baby boomers self-identify as LGBT, compared to 16% for Generation Z. When your livelihood and reputation are at stake, you do not say certain things, you stay private and keep your personal life separate from the corporate environment.

That was the example I witnessed growing up. Sexuality was never discussed in my household, and my father was unable to say the obvious truth that his oldest brother was gay. I knew how painful it would be for his daughter to admit the same thing, so I hid my identity from my family for many years. Rather, I believed my personal contributions, scholastic and athletic achievements, and career, would determine my worth. I wanted others to recognize my work ethic and production, not my orientation—especially back then.

Integrating personal and work lives

I met Kathi in 1988 and she quickly became my partner in life. I’m so grateful for our relationship and I’m not sure where I would be without her by my side. We have been a family for more than 30 years. I tell her all the time—borrowing one of the best lines from Jerry Maguire—“You complete me.” We share the same values—we both put family first and share the same foundation of hard work, honest communication, dedication and faith, and we do whatever it takes for us to continue to be close.

It was not easy to come out about our relationship. Both of our families were not accepting, and the last thing we ever wanted was for them to be ashamed of us. We both had attended Catholic grammar school, high school and college. Our inability to reconcile our commitment to each other and our faith with our religious upbringing was devastating.

At work, I was private about my relationship with Kathi. Putting up her picture in my office, which no one else would think twice about, felt like a big deal. Instead, I displayed pictures of my immediate family. If my colleagues knew about my private life, they never spoke about it. Business events typically allowed spouses, and sometimes Kathi would attend with me as a “friend”.

Thankfully, mainstream culture became more open and accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. When Ellen DeGeneres came out on her TV show and subsequently appeared on the cover of Time with the headline, “Yep, I’m Gay,” in 1997, it was a pivotal moment. In 2011, same-sex marriage was legalized in New York. When Kathi and I officially got married in Manhattan, my coworkers held a wedding shower for us.

One event stood out to me as a sign of how the environment was changing—an exchange between my 4-year-old niece (now aged 20) and her pediatrician. The pediatrician asked her what she was doing for the weekend and my niece answered that she was going to her Aunt Lori and Aunt Kathi’s lake house. The pediatrician asked for clarification, “Is it Aunt Lori or Aunt Kathi’s house?” My niece put her hand on her hip and exclaimed: “Girls can get married too, you know!” That was a huge moment for me. A 4 year-old was observant enough to know that Kathi and I were a family. In her mind, we were just another couple.

Today, even though the world has evolved, I still get the standard question at an industry or community event, “What does your husband do?” I just throw it out there, “My wife is CEO of our family and is also a Bikram yoga instructor!”

The importance of leadership by example

Leaders are essential to creating and maintaining a culture in which everyone feels welcome. I think they must lead by example. After I joined Jennison Associates in 2017, Jennison’s CEO Jeff Becker and I had dinner. He began asking me about Kathi. Wow, I thought, he and my wife have so much in common! They are both die-hard NHL hockey fans, having played the sport, and both love boating and waterskiing. I recognized that Jeff and I also had much in common—we spoke easily about family, our upbringing, and caring for our elderly parents. It immediately occurred to me: I’m with the right firm—I can bring my authentic self to work.

I believe diversity, equity and inclusion should embrace all parts of the individual. During a recent firm-wide conversation about mental health, several senior leaders publicly shared how mental health issues have impacted their families. It was incredibly powerful and moving. It also reminded me that everyone’s life has challenges, whether a person seems to be doing well or is just going about their business. You just don’t know. We owe it to our colleagues to check in—especially while we are working remotely. I feel strongly that a firm’s culture should allow us all to be more open.

The benefits of diversity and being true to oneself

And that, to me, is diversity. We all have different perspectives. When those perspectives can come together, they deliver a better outcome for everyone. The world has changed dramatically over the past 50 years, and we need to be open to new ways of thinking for the future. Ultimately, there is room for all of us, and no one should be rejected for offering their time, ideas or knowledge to change things for the better.

I’ve had a real opportunity to lean in and contribute. I am very proud of my participation in Jennison’s newly formed Inclusion Council, where I serve as executive sponsor, and my work with our parent, PGIM, on the Women’s Advisory Council and the recently formed LGBTQ+ Think Tank.

I can only say to young people starting out: Just recognize the importance of being true. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. There will be many opportunities in your career—make sure the one you select aligns with your interests and values. I have had a passion for this business since I joined it three decades ago. Today, I’m sometimes asked when I plan to retire. I answer—I’m only 57! I’m not stepping away anytime soon, especially now that I am being my whole self.

By Lori McEvoy, Managing Director – Global Head of Distribution, Jennison Associates