Voice of Experience: Bola Oyesanya, Managing Director at Citi Private Bank

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Bola Oyesanya

By Cathie Ericson

Don’t let your inner critic get the best of you, advises Citi’s Bola Oyesanya.

“Confidence is so important, so embrace who you are because it’s what makes you unique,” she says. She herself learned this firsthand, when earlier in her career she regarded her Nigerian accent as a potential issue, which even led her to talk herself out of some client-facing jobs. Her colleagues had assured her that her accent was an advantage as it made her memorable, but a defining moment came when a client mentioned that she liked her voice. “Don’t ever tell yourself that the things that make you different are a problem,” she says.

Finding Her Niche

Although she was trained as an attorney, Bola pivoted and began her career in Nigeria in banking, including doing a stint with the oil and gas industry group within a bank. She came to the United States in 1999 and started with Citi, where she has spent the past 20 years in a variety of roles from customer service representative to junior banker. She became a private banker in 2008 in Citi Private Bank’s Law Firm Group, where she remains today, working with law firms and individual attorneys, as well as institutions that work with the legal industry.

“Nothing gets me more excited than being my clients’ advocate; of course, it’s my job, but I love it,” she says. “As long as I have my clients’ best interest at heart, everything will fall into place,” she says, noting that you need to carry your team along to get the best for your clients. “There’s nothing better than when we are all aligned.”

Bola was promoted to managing director this year, a milestone achievement of which she’s very proud, noting that it was both exciting and humbling – exciting to see hard work recognized, but humbling because she knows that her recognition opens the door for others and serves as motivation for younger bankers.

Channeling Her Passion for Diversity into Action

In her other role, Bola is part of the Citi Private Bank diversity leadership team, whose mission is to recruit, train and retain employees, making Citi the employer of choice for new and seasoned talent. She finds the diversity philosophy at Citi organic, rather than top down, with a good mix of levels from managing directors to junior analysts who all have a voice.

She says the group prides itself on starting the year with a blank slate to come up with new goals and the paths to get there. The leadership then helps build teams around these ideas to start implementing them.

One recent initiative was Citi Coffee Chats, which allowed colleagues to get to know senior leaders beyond their work success and professional bio, with questions focused on a more personal angle, such as their family and philanthropy interests.

The group works on skills to help manage careers upwards, but also down and sideways, taking into account peers and direct reports.

Having always been personally passionate about diversity and inclusion, she finds it exciting that the topic is now a priority. “We used to have to convince people to consider diversity, and it’s refreshing that now even clients are asking what we’re doing on that front,” Bola says, adding that it’s no longer just a “nice to do.”

“It’s who we are, and it isn’t just about gender or culture, but also includes diversity of thought. The more diverse we are, the better we can meet our clients’ needs,” she says, adding that the firm’s many locations and cultures means they can leverage the power of their global reach.

Proud of Citi’s success in retaining women talent, she has realized that while it’s easy to assume that all firms are as committed, the numbers show that Citi is quite far ahead in the industry: Forty percent of the leadership of Citi Private Bank in North America are women, including the CEO, and the overall diversity numbers climb to 60% when you include LGBT, cultural and ethnic minorities.

Giving and Receiving Mentorship Has Contributed to Career Success

While diversity initiatives are important, Bola also believes in the power of combining them with mentoring programs, which will double the networking and connection potential. She advises other women to look for people who are genuinely interested in them and will offer candid feedback. “If they care about your career, they will offer advice on both sides of the coin,” she notes.

Bola herself felt particularly supported during a diversity leadership program in 2010, which was focused on developing midlevel diverse employees. “What was so powerful was that each participant was the agenda, with one-on-one coaching tailored to exactly what you needed to build a career,” she says. Among the most valuable aspects were sessions devoted to developing your brand and your executive presence — lifelong skills that helped the employee but also ultimately Citi as a whole.

Recently someone asked her what she would do if money was no barrier, and the answer came to her immediately. “I would be a motivational speaker,” she says. “I love to inspire others and do a lot of one-on-one mentoring. So many senior women and men have invested in me, and the best way to say thank you is to pay it forward.”

In fact, she frequently recommends that her peers remember what it feels like to be sidetracked and commit to helping and encouraging each other. For her part, she enjoys working with younger professionals and often reminds them to be patient and know they will eventually get to the destination. “There might be detours, but you have to see them as learning points. Then don’t waste your energy and emotion focusing there, but rather on how to get back on track.”

While her work and diversity efforts are important, there is one aspect of her life that takes precedence – her family. Bola says her most precious time is spent talking and spending time with her eight-year-old daughter and husband, particularly when they are traveling and meeting people and learning new cultures together.

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Do You Know How to Learn, Think and What You Value?

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Nicki GilmourBy Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

As a coach and organizational psychologist, I often work with companies and individuals to help people understand that we don’t all take in information the same way.

Some people like to experience a case or task (usually observing or minimally touching -like residents in Greys Anatomy) and others like to understand concepts first in abstract ( also important for say doctor training).

We have to watch our biases and preferences when it comes to designing rewards and promotions as the people who learn by jumping in feet first and learn on the job often start with mixed results which makes sense. This is opposite to those who want to reflectively design but are not seen as doers. There is value to both and there is more value in one person being able to do both (or all four quadrants of the Learning Styles Inventory). The developmental goal is to move around the experiential learning cycle encompassing thinking, feeling, and doing as all learning is relearning. It is not a coincidence that when people get their Myers Briggs reports it often lines up the Extrovert and Introvert with applying action and applying reflection respectively. It does not take an organizational psychologist to tell you that extrovert doers get rewarded and then apply a gender lens and a nationality lens and a ethnicity lens and I think you know where I am going with this. Worth noting even if the course of action is not optimal that the loudest duck, as Laura Liswood calls it, are not the most thought out or intelligent (as we see everyday in corporations and in government).

And then there is the left brain versus right brain discussion, fascinating when applied to gender in what I believe to be entirely faux science. Men are from Mars because social constructs over 10,000 years have created that possibility. There are physiological and hormonal differences between men and women’s brains but that should not be confused with how thinking styles appear at work. I participated in two Columbia University executive cohorts over five years, I have seen 99% and then 100% of men appearing in the right brain column of the brain tool results. Men who work in the Army, financial services, consulting, tech, law and medicine. Cordelia Fine just wrote a great book on the myths around this topic.

Then, there is personality- the power of our intrinsic personality that we are born with and the levers and triggers that are then activated with whatever external environment we are set loose into. Ever seen a person thrive in one company and fail miserable in another? Exactly.

How does this apply? For example, I am just slightly more left brain in my thinking style (measured by Neethling Brain instrument ) and my preferred learning style (measured by Learning Styles Inventory instrument) is to learn by experiencing and doing. Along with high need for mastery and high need for aesthetics and need to be recognized for good work done ( measured by the Hogan instrument ). I know what triggers me on a bad day under stress and I know how I show up to my team and clients in those moments (measured by ESCI and 360s).I know my stress recovery ability via sleep and exercise via wellness reports. I know what works suits me and what bores me and what I can do to manage my energy and balance work with family. This is pretty helpful as if you know this stuff about yourself then putting one foot out the door every morning, you have a shot at the systemic challenges or just the dynamics that happens in every office between humans.

If you would like to work with an executive coach on change, challenges or knowing yourself better, contact nicki@theglasshammer.com

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Voice of Experience: SoVonna Day-Goins, Managing Director at Credit Suisse

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SoVanna Day-Goins

By Cathie Ericson

Find your voice, and know when and how to use it, says SoVonna Day-Goins.

“Sometimes we tend to put our heads down and do the work, but it’s important to look around and notice who’s being successful and why. You have to make your specific aspirations known early and follow through, not only to survive the system, but also to thrive in what can be a very competitive environment.”

Earlier in her career, Day-Goins says she took to heart the idea that working hard and being prepared would lead to success, but over the years she has seen that is not enough. “Thoughtfulness, humility and authenticity are the ever-lasting qualities that transcend your professional and personal life,” she points out.

When talking to newer professionals, she offers simple advice: “Be the person that you want someone to be to you.” In fact, she credits her children with some truths she has realized over the years. “Be someone who teaches with patience. Give feedback with a constructive tone. Treat others with respect. Consistently set the bar pretty high, and instill the belief in people they can achieve anything with the right tools,” she says. “It’s very rewarding when you empower others and help them be their own best advocates.”

Finding Success in the Hard-Charging Industry

While many investment banking careers follow a similar, linear path, Day-Goins’ was bolstered by a relatively non-traditional start in sales and marketing, which she credits for her ability to be creative with her approach to clients’ needs. “Every day is a learning experience, which to me is what differentiates a career from a mere job.”

Currently leading the firm’s efforts on the investment grade bridge financing front, she considers this professional achievement the one she’s most proud of so far, given it started as a “moonlighting job.” She was able to turn this venture into a new business opportunity over the past several years and has found it rewarding to shepherd the effort to become an important complement to the firm’s M&A practice.

Viewing M&A financing from this perspective, she has observed a recent trend toward sizable and scalable acquisitions. “The deals we are seeing are stretching everyone’s imagination about the art of the possible, and the terms at which investors will still have an appetite,” she says. “This requires a lot of discipline around structuring and pricing to make sure they clear the market, but for the right transaction, the market is wide open, which is very exciting.”

Spending Time Helping to Build The Careers of Others

While she appreciates the important role she plays in contributing to the business, she relishes even more her efforts on the talent management front. People of color are underrepresented across banking, but especially at the senior level, she notes, which is why she is particularly excited to be one of the champions of several new initiatives to help identify and promote black professionals into leadership positions. These initiatives will include advocacy, sponsorship and succession planning.

Her passion for helping others succeed started early: In 2001 when she was relatively new at Credit Suisse, she founded one of the firm’s first black professional networks. She appreciates the opportunity that all affinity networks offer to support a sense of empowerment and provide an overall inclusive and safe environment to deal with diversity issues.

Day-Goins was also a part of a joint venture between Human Resources and Global Markets Business where they collected best practices used by both teams, and provided recommendations on many issues including diversity. The benefits were reciprocal, as the group was able to provide rare insight via a glimpse into how employees are thinking about the business, as they offered feedback to the senior management team.

While women in all industries face issues that can often be described as a “cap” on opportunities or a glass ceiling, she says that emerging research points to a separate issue faced by women of color — a “concrete ceiling,” which can seem even more impenetrable than shattering the glass.

She has found that the racial gap and increased unconscious bias can be more profound among black professionals, given the lack of fellow black role models, as well as the “sheer societal intolerance for making mistakes that allow us to learn.”

The only way to combat these issues is to acknowledge they exist and that the hurdles are different for different populations. “We have to be open to having the dialogue that can help us change and ultimately lead to better opportunities for all women,” she says. Indeed, she sees this as a time when women leaders from differing backgrounds need to support one another and provide a platform to discuss the issues and work together to succeed despite the barriers.

On that note, she often reminds her peers not to forget to reach back by figuring out how you can pull people along with you as you rise in your career. “Observe what is going on with others behind and alongside you, and be an advocate and champion when they are facing unique challenges – while they might be different from yours, empathize and be supportive in helping them come along.”

She herself felt that support though participation in programs targeted to high-potential women, giving her and her cohort visibility and access to the executive board.

Outside Interests Both a Challenge and a Necessity

In an industry not known for “9 to 5” hours, Day-Goins knows she must make time for other pursuits.

Recently she has immersed herself in non-profit board service involving children’s issues, which she has found to be a new passion. “Volunteer work provides the opportunity to change my pace and offers a different perspective and a renewed sense of purpose,” she says.

But the most important thing to her is her family — two daughters, ages 21 and 15, and her husband. “Home is everything,” she says.

Over the years, she has learned to take full advantage of down time to spend as much as she can with family and friends. “Whether at home, at the beach or on other travels, we relax and eat well and recharge,” she says, adding that she highly recommends that anyone who picks a demanding career take time to relax for their mental and physical well-being.

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Voice of Experience: Julianne Thomas; CoS-Compliance Americas; Barclays

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Julianne Thomas

By Cathie Ericson

A network is the key to a successful career, says Barclays’ Julianne Thomas.

Despite her rapid rise in the company, she says she wishes she’d done a better job of building her network more thoughtfully from the beginning — both internally and externally, as well as leveraging the two together.

Three Decades of Interesting Roles, One Firm

Nevertheless, Thomas was able to build her stellar career through continuously impressing those with whom she worked over the years. She is, as she puts it, “True Blue Barclays through and through,” having been with the firm 36 years. She began her rise in Chicago, where she remembers fondly her first encounter with a computer system in the business world, which she says thrilled her beyond measure. “I stuck to people like glue until I learned the system and its reporting,” she says.

Shortly after she moved to New York where she has held a variety of roles in different businesses throughout the organization, as everything from a foreign exchange clerk to a business manager and now chief of staff. Her favorite thing about change is passing the spirit of good stewardship and working to leave things better than when she came.

She credits this adaptability as the professional achievement she is most proud of so far. “Whenever I have been offered a new, exciting opportunity, I have jumped in with both feet and let the chips fall where they may,” she says. “Although I’ve been successful, like anyone I’ve had my ups and downs, but I’ve learned as I went along and moved those lessons into the next role, while helping those behind me so they can avoid the pitfalls if possible.”

Thomas, now a director at the firm, advises young professionals to keep an open mind and avoid placing limitations on themselves or allowing others to. “Believe that you can do whatever you set your mind to; then find your niche and go for it,” she says, adding that often you don’t know what’s possible in a given industry – all the facets and niches you can find – until you start networking and talking to people and learning more about the field. “As we move through our career, we find out what’s possible and then we have to be willing to accept the challenge.”

Diversity Taking Center Stage

Recently she has noticed that the efforts around the diversity issue are receiving even more notice than ever before, as people increasingly understand that talent can come from anywhere. “Any firm or individual who wants to be successful needs to broaden their horizons in their search for talent,” she believes.

She finds it’s important for successful women to keep moving forward, and realizing that they have an impact and are making changes — whether those advances are immediately visible or not — and then remember the importance of reaching back to bring the younger women along on the journey.

Among the many initiatives that she supports internally is the UN Women’s HeForShe Campaign, of which Barclays is one of 10 Corporate Impact Champions and the only financial services firm represented. The campaign is particularly unique because it aims to drive gender equality by involving men in the conversation.

Thomas’ personal life reflects the values she brings to the workplace. Quick to note that she is very spiritually grounded, Thomas considers family her top priority, including her 27-year-old son and her parents who are in their 80s, whom she visits three or four times a year. In addition to her love of travel, she is a jazz music aficionado.

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7 Tips All Businesswomen Need to Conquer the Fear of Public Speaking

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Guest contributed by Fiona CuttsWomen Speaking

Being able to speak confidently and well in public is essential for any ambitious woman looking to advance her position and career prospects. And yet, statistics show that 74% of people are afraid of public speaking and so, unlikely to perform at their best.

Here are some proven strategies for overcoming this fear, and allowing public speaking to be one of your strengths for excelling in your career.

Deal with nerves

You may feel overpowered by these sensations: sweaty palms, sickness in your stomach and even shaking hands, legs, and voice that your audience may notice. These are familiar feelings that even the most successful, powerful businesswomen will experience, and like them, it is something you can learn to combat strategically.

Whilst standing in front of your audience, plant your feet firmly on the ground, quite far apart, and breathe deeply into your abdomen. This allows you to be present and stable.

At the same time expand your awareness outwards so that you are aware of what is going on beyond the audience and the room you are in. Doing this will help to prevent you feeling overwhelmed.

Appear confident

Even though you may feel afraid and nervous, your audience does not need to know that. Choose clothes that a confident woman giving this presentation would wear, even if that feels a bit of a stretch for you. ‘Practise’ wearing these clothes outside of your work environment, whether you’re out with girlfriends or spending time with family, so that you become at ease in them. As you become comfortable wearing them, you become the confident woman you envisaged giving the talk.

Be the leader in the room

Undermining your abilities and shying away from any show of strength is a detrimental stereotype for women that is often hard to navigate. Remember that you are the one who is up front. So, you need to be the authority in the room and not be afraid to take control. Of course, you will be well prepared, that goes without saying. But beyond that, you need to be willing to be an authority on your subject, whilst including and empowering people in the audience.

Great female leaders are clear about what they know, whilst not feeling threatened by other people contributing what they know. Women looking to advance their career should seek advice from female colleagues or friends on ways they were able to take charge and assert their authority while delivering a speech – it’s vital to remember that looking to other women, particularly those in a higher position to that of yourself, for support and guidance can help you on your journey to advancing your career.

Connect with your audience

Often when people are nervous speaking, it is hard for the audience to engage with them, and sometimes even hard for the audience to hear them.

Sometimes, in an effort to avoid this, you can come across ‘pushy’, literally pushing the words and information at the audience. This tends to make the audience resistant and maybe even ‘zone out’.

An effective alternative to this is to ‘pull energy’. Many great female speakers and performers do this naturally. You can imagine a thread of energy coming from your audience, through your audience, through you and to behind you. This helps your audience feel connected to you and drawn into what you are saying. It also tends to mean they feel awake, alert and enthusiastic – which of course is what you would like them to be experiencing during your presentation or speech.

Keep it short and sweet

There is no need to tell your audience everything about your topic. Give them a base level of information, enough that they can understand what you are talking about but also so they are intrigued and wanting to know more. This provides you with an opportunity to shine even more and opens a dialogue between you and your audience, ensuring they are more engaged and interested in what you are talking about.

You can also ask a simple question to allow you to know what information to include and what to leave out: “What can I say that would enthuse this audience?” When you ask this, you start to get pointers as to what is appropriate for your intended audience.

Be you

This may at first sound strange and yet a lot of people stop being themselves when they give a presentation. They may find that they start to sound dry and boring, a bit like a textbook or that they suddenly have some mannerisms and habits of their mother or father.

If you notice this happening, simply ask yourself: “Who am I being?” It will bring you back to you and let the confident woman you know you are, shine.

Don’t be afraid of judgement

If you give a good talk, you are likely to be judged by a certain proportion of people in the room. As women, we’ve certainly experienced judgement, and even been guilty of judging others, at some point or another. Women can also often be judged when they excel in industries dominated by men. Your ability to receive this judgement will determine whether you continue to excel or choose to limit your success to provoke less judgement!

Judgement is always about the other person and never about you. It often means that the other person is not achieving what they desire, and is jealous of you and your great presentation.

So, know that the more successful you are, the more likely you are to be judged. You can even make the choice to view judgement as a motivator to fuel a decision to challenge your position and traditional dynamics in a male-dominated workplace, ask for that raise or promotion you know you deserve, or take charge during meetings and presentations more.

Putting these simple tips into practice will help you tackle the fear that many women assume is an integral part of public speaking, and be the successful businesswoman you desire and deserve to be.

About Fiona Cutts

Fiona Cutts is a communications coach, linguist and facilitator for Right Voice for You, a special program by Access Consciousness. An extremely shy and dreamy child, Fiona found herself drawn to languages and travel from a very young age. As well as her native English, she speaks German and French, and has lived in, or travelled through, countries all over the world. During her career as an accountant and auditor, Fiona struggled with an intense fear of public speaking and presentation delivery. As a Right Voice for You facilitator, she draws upon that experience to help others liberate themselves from fear and judgment, and unleash their confident and authentic voice. www.fionacutts.com

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of Guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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How to Trot Not Plod Through the Year of the Dog

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

The Year of the Rooster is over and the Year of the Dog is beginning in the Chinese (lunar) New Year. So, if January did not feel as good as you would have liked it to, or if you are now ready to get what you want, or at least have a good shot at figuring out what that might be, then you are in the right place.

Ask yourself these five questions:

1. How energized am I on the project I am on right now?
2. What is it that made my best time at work so great?
3. What could be changed to make work great?
4. What do I want out of 2018 at work?
5. How can I get it?

It is important to know what is going on with yourself and to know what the external factors are that make you happy at work.

if you would like to work with a coach on exploring questions, answers, dynamics and getting from here to there, then we have a team here that can help.

Contact Nicki (nicki@evolvedpeople.com) for a free 15 minute exploratory call around challenges and pathways.

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Voice of Experience: Susan Reid, Global Head of Diversity and Inclusion Morgan Stanley

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Susan Reid

By Cathie Ericson

At this point in her career, Morgan Stanley’s Susan Reid says that she understands now more than ever how important it is to build relationships – and that she wishes she had had a more concrete understanding as a new professional.

“Like many younger people I focused quite a bit on building technical skills and getting the work done, but if I had an opportunity to start over, I would focus on cultivating relationships earlier and sustaining those relationships over time,” she says.

It’s just one of the lessons she eagerly shares with younger women she mentors, as she lends encouragement to their climb in the important financial services industry, emphasizing its role as a significant contributor to global economies.

Various Roles in HR Led to Her Passion of D&I

Reid’s early career was in education; in fact she was thrilled to join her alma mater, NYU, as a full-time employee immediately after graduating to help build an office designed to help students of color successfully complete their college education. Looking back, she can pinpoint that experience as the start of her interest in diversity and inclusion. Stints as an HR professional in recruiting and D&I in various industries followed, and she joined Morgan Stanley in 2008 as an HR Coverage Officer for the Investment Management Business.

Reid joined Morgan Stanley during the financial crisis and says that her ability to help the firm through those challenging times is the professional achievement she’s most proud of today. “As an HR professional, you are called upon most during challenging times, and I am proud that I was able to contribute to helping our leaders and our employees successfully navigate that time period.”

Today, Reid remains excited about her role leading diversity and inclusion efforts. “It is not a cliché to say that our talent is our most valuable asset because they are,” she says. “The work that we do in D&I to help the firm hire, retain and advance a diverse group of individuals who can help the firm succeed while enjoying successful careers is extremely meaningful.”

Right now, Reid finds the shifts in demographics that workplaces are experiencing to be of particular interest, based on the implications they have for clients and colleagues of the future. Employees of the future will have different expectations about work and workplaces, and to grow the firm they constantly have to think ahead about who their clients will be and how to best engage with them. “We are in very dynamic times, and we all have the challenge of keeping pace and getting ahead,” Reid says.

Helping Women Carve Out Success

Reid is a believer in financial services as an important industry for women. “We offer challenging roles and contribute to economic growth, while also providing individuals with the wherewithal to give back to various communities,” she says.

But, she notes, it is also an industry that requires an intense commitment of time, energy and attention, and the many additional demands that women often deal with can create particular challenges.  However, she hopes that as society continues to shift towards greater equity in family dynamics, women will find it easier to have a sustained career in the industry, while continuing to meet their outside obligations.

On that note, Reid mentions her pride in Morgan Stanley’s Return to Work Program, which was launched several years ago to support talented professionals who take career breaks but want to return to work.  The program offers women and men the opportunity to spend 12 weeks in the equivalent of an internship and to convert to full-time hires if it makes sense for both parties at the end of that experience. “We have had great success hiring participants into various parts of the firm,” she notes.

Reid underscores that it is incredibly important for young women to join the industry and advance to leadership roles. “We simply cannot be on the sidelines of this important field,” she urges.

And she reminds her peers that those currently within the industry have a responsibility to help support and advance younger women – to reach out to women of color, LGTBQ women and other women in the “minority” and to intentionally drive their success. 

Reid has a number of passions outside of work, including her family, reading and running – a pursuit she admits she has been doing far less of recently but wants to return to.  She serves on the board of a private tuition-free school in her adopted hometown, Harlem, N.Y. (she is originally from Jamaica), where she and fellow Morgan Stanley colleagues spend time mentoring the seventh and eighth grade girls.

“This experience has reminded me of the challenges that girls, and in particular, girls of color and girls from poor communities, face navigating the world and how important it is to get involved and to stay involved with our local communities and with young people,” Reid says. “We have a responsibility to help shape the future, and this experience shows that we can all start right in our own backyards.”

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Women Should Tell More Stories About Themselves

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Guest contributed by Esther Choywoman typing on a laptop

“Women tend to be less comfortable with self-promotion — and more likely to be criticized when they do grab the spotlight,” reported Susan Chira in the New York Times in July 2017, after extensive interviews that included many CEOs and would-be CEOs.

Self-promotion is a delicate balance. But the alternative—hoping accomplishments speak for themselves and agonizing in silence until someone notices them—does nothing. We need to become fluent, comfortable and authentic in promoting our own achievements. And this is where storytelling can help. Here’s how.

  1. Remember that stories of you are NOT about you.

Every story is about building connections. As I have argued in my new book Let the Story Do the Work, telling an effective story requires us to think deeply about its intended audiences.

As psychologist Robert Cialdini’s research on social influence has shown, the people we see as “just like us” are the people whose ideas we find most persuasive. So, in telling a story about an achievement, reflect on the experiences that most people share. If your story reminds your listener of a similar experience, you will form an authentic connection that will make your achievements memorable. One of the great, essential shared-experience stories involves overcoming adversity or solving a problem, and that is also a strong set-up for being able to narrate an accomplishment

For instance, when my colleague Kelly Standing connects with potential clients, she tells the story of how the neighborhood bully once hung her from a tree by her neck and left her for dead. Fortunately, her father saw her and saved her life. Kelly’s dad asked himself, “How will my daughter remember this?” That question shaped his response and helped her to overcome the adversity by seeing herself as strong, rather than victimized. And through it, Kelly learned the power of a good question.

And that’s where she begins to talk about her accomplishments. The power of a good question led her to study in a renowned journalism program. And it has led her to solve clients’ business problems with “a journalist’s curiosity” and the ingenuity she learned from her father. “I help them see possibilities where they might only see pain,” she says.

As self-promotion stories go, Kelly’s is unusually honest and personal. It’s also universal. Although few people have been bullied to this extent, her story speaks to universal fears (for ourselves and our children). And it also brings someone else into the spotlight with her—her father.

  1. Choose the right universal element for the context.

What is the context for sharing your achievements? This will shape the type of universal experience you share.

  • Interview: Because it is nearly impossible to research your interviewers in advance, share a positive story of overcoming an obstacle. (It’s hard to predict how a negative shared experience will go over.)
  • Pitching: Use a shared experience to show you have the strength of character to complete the proposed project.
  • Fundraising: Choose a shared experience that underscores why it’s important to give to your cause.
  • Meeting a potential client: Select a shared experience that can move from personal to persuasive, illustrating your value (like Kelly’s story).
  1. Use Three Acts

An easy accomplishment doesn’t give the listener much to connect with. So reflect on the hurdles that stood in your way, and then shape your success into a three-act drama:

Act I: After setting the scene, plant a hook that has the central challenge embedded in it.

Act II: Describe your journey to overcome the main challenge. Shape this section based on what you want to persuade your audience of at the end.

Act III: Resolve the story and deliver the takeaway—“that’s why I’m here, and that’s why we’re having this conversation.”

  1. Seek Feedback

When gauging how the story will come across, nothing is more essential than the feedback of people who are like your target audience. Ask your test audience three key questions:

  • What info do you recall? If what stands out to your test audience isn’t what you hoped to convey, craft your message differently.
  • How does my story make you feel? The emotion evoked will stay with your audience longer than your exact words.
  • What questions do you have? If your story isn’t prompting questions, it isn’t building connections.

Using the same contextual clues and three-act structure, women can also promote each other. This will holistically challenge existing narratives about female leaders and bring the accomplishments of individual women into the spotlight where they belong.

Esther Choy is the President and Chief Story Facilitator of the business communication training and consulting firm Leadership Story Lab. Her debut book, Let the Story Do the Work (published by AMACOM), is now available on major online retail platforms such as Amazon.

Disclaimer: Guest contributors views and opinions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

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Bonus Banked? What’s Next?

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By Nicki Gilmour, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist

Bonus season is over for another year and so the should I stay or should I go question could loom again for you?

Chances are, if you work in banking and financial services, you stayed put until this payday. But, with a year ahead, its a good time to look at what makes you happy at your job, beyond the money.

If the bonus was good, this can make you stay for a little while longer even if you know you need something different. Money is always a factor, but look at culture, growth opportunities and ultimately the job you want to actually do.

Dream a little, scribble and journal- what do you want more of? What do you want less of? Just what would the ideal job look like for you? What are the other lifestyle based factors that you want to have more of? More travel? Less travel? Less of a commute? Picasso, it is your picture, don’t forget that!

Good luck!

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Voice of Experience: Carly Scales, Managing Director, Goldman Sachs, Technology Division

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Carly ScalesBy Cathie Ericson

“Throughout your career, finding your true north and being comfortable in your own skin is really important,” says Goldman Sachs’ Carly Scales.

“Having authenticity and being able to bring your full self to the office is an important component to ensure you can do your best work and contribute to your team at the highest level,” she recommends.

One common stumbling block for women? Trying to be all things to all people, all the time. “You have to focus on what’s important to you at any given moment. For me, that’s a constant challenge given my demanding job and multiple pressures on my time and energy, but just being self-aware can make a big difference,” she says.

Her Career As A Testament to Mobility

Scales joined the firm in the Operations Division and spent nearly 13 years in different departments, moving organically to take on new challenges as she progressed in her career. She briefly left Goldman Sachs to work at another firm, but returned after a few years. “I really missed Goldman Sachs’ culture and the focus on our people, whether that be through mentorship and sponsorship, training programs or providing growth opportunities,” Scales says.

Since returning to Goldman Sachs in 2015, she has had the opportunity to work on several key initiatives, including GS Bank USA, which has allowed her to increase her knowledge of different pockets of the firm. In the last three years, she has held roles in the Operations Division, Consumer & Commercial Banking Division, Finance Division, and recently moved into the Technology Division.

“I think my mobility speaks to the opportunities you receive at Goldman Sachs if you raise your hand and accept new challenges. Just say ‘Yes’ and see where it leads,” she recommends, adding that often agreeing to this type of change can be a leap of faith. “People would tap me on the shoulder because I had a ‘can-do’ reputation, and I advise professionals to be willing to take similar risks. There are many avenues for individuals to receive the support they need to be successful when taking on a new role.”

A Focus on Mentoring

While being named managing director was an extremely proud and important moment in Scales’ professional career – a validation that the culmination of her contributions to date had been recognized – she nevertheless feels that mentoring and coaching others has brought her the most satisfaction.

“I think that’s how you build a lasting legacy: I’m very proud when people who work for me or those whom I mentor and coach continue to excel and thrive,” Scales says, acknowledging that while this requires a significant spend of time and energy, it’s completely worth it. “At the end of the day, people may forget the specifics of what you’ve done from year to year (there’s always more work!), but the person who felt supported and guided will always remember your role.”

In fact, she is adamant that her peers will benefit from paying it forward and lifting other women up as often as possible. But, she notes that you don’t always have to look “down” to lift others up.

“Look to the left and right and help out those who are junior to you, but then consider your peers as well. There are powerful partnerships and support structures that can be forged there, and it can happen at any level – whether you are an analyst or a managing director.”

In addition to working alongside her own team, Scales is co-head of the firmwide Women’s Network, where she’s had the opportunity to interact with women across Goldman Sachs to provide engaging programming and networking opportunities to colleagues across the firm.

Advocating for Yourself Reaps Rewards

At Goldman Sachs, Scales has seen that flawless execution and teamwork is fundamental to success. However, she cautions that at a certain point in your career, it becomes important to reflect and analyze your path and determine your long-term goals. Scales recommends that it is critical – at times – to take control of your career path.

Scales learned this from firsthand experience, and notes that when she left the firm in 2010, she hadn’t had a candid conversation with anyone about her goals, nor had she leveraged her internal network, which made her “feel a bit lost.” Reflecting upon this period, Scales wishes she had realized the importance of having such conversations. Now, when she mentors other women, she takes care to impress upon them that it is imperative they learn to advocate for themselves.

“Women in particular sometimes struggle with this, but if we look at our lives outside of work, we are advocating for others all the time – whether it’s our children, spouses, friends, parents, etc. – and we need to realize those skills should translate to the workplace, too.”

In addition, she says that women must never accept that certain characteristics can be perceived in a negative way when displayed by a woman.

While she doesn’t believe it’s done intentionally, she has found, for example, that the concept of “being assertive” tends to have a negative connotation and women are often labeled as being “aggressive.”

“Both men and women need to continue to break that myth and call it out when they hear others use similar terms,” she says.

Living a Life on Many Levels

Scales prioritizes being a mom and a wife, and finds that having her son five years ago made her better at her job, as it provided perspective during those “bad” days, but also helped her become more efficient and focused at work.

These days, you’ll find Scales spending her time outside of work doing activities that five-year old boys love, from basketball to soccer to tae kwon do. However, when she does get a free minute to herself, she enjoys cooking and entertaining – finding that dinner with family and friends is always good for her soul – as well as doing Pilates or enjoying a good book.

Her secret to fitting it all in? Realizing that you have to let go of the idea that you can do everything all at once, and you can do it perfectly. “An impossible standard will leave you drained and likely feeling like a bit of a failure,” she says.

Instead, she knows that there are tradeoffs and you have to make choices consciously. “Today I missed a workout and had cereal for dinner, but work was very productive, and my kid is happy so I’ll call it a good day,” she says. “No one is perfect 100 percent of the time, so try to remember to be kind to yourself while you’re conquering the world.”

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