Making Success Stick!
Guest contributed by Wendy Wallbridge
There’s no question that women have achieved success in today’s business world. More than half the work force now is female. The familiar “Rosie the Riveter” poster, created in 1942 to help America visualize women in the work force, is an historical artifact now. There is no need to create an image. All we have to do is open our eyes.
But while women have succeeded in numbers, we still do not attain the higher rungs of the success ladder. Few of us climb higher than middle management. As Sheryl Sandberg aptly points out, “Women are not making it to the top of any profession in the world.”
It would be easy to lay the blame on external causes. Systemic sexism persists; we know that. But without making it about “them,” what, first of all, can we women do to understand the challenges that we face, and secondly, what can we do to create change for ourselves and in the system as well?
While there may be external forces at work, if we’re honest, we must acknowledge an internal monologue that holds us back. Somehow we believe we need to continue to prove we have earned the success we have achieved. Even when we succeed, even when we have the coveted job, we seem to think we still need to apply for it. We tend to think there is someone more well-suited for the opportunity, we dismiss our value-add, we opt out, we wait and see.
Not just our mind, but our wiring—our neuro-circuitry—works against us in this regard. Ironically, while women generally have better memories than men, helping us to multi-task, we also tend to hold on to past failures and ruminate to our own disadvantage. We “stew” in the soup of our imagined shortcomings. As neuropsychologist Rick Hanson says, human brains “are Velcro to bad experiences and Teflon to good experiences.” Unfortunately, that is especially true of women.
It turns out, it takes concerted effort to make positive experiences “stick.” Hanson encourages his clients to “marinate” in positive thoughts by consciously dwelling on the good stuff: happy experiences, satisfaction, joy, for ten to twelve seconds. Evolving neuroscience shows that a practice of this sort (mental activity which stimulates reward neurotransmitters dopamine and natural opioids) stimulates a general “brightening” of the mind. As Hanson says, “neurons that fire together, wire together.” By changing mental activity, by working at making the positive sink in, we can change our neural circuitry, and in turn change the way we think.
The solution for women in the workplace is to target that technique on work experience: Women need to learn how to internalize the successes they have. Re-story their narrative. Re-engineer their mental and emotional wiring. Lay down new neuro-circuitry.
Here are some ways to do that:
- Keep a Kudos File
Record the progress you make, first in your own words, in a file, along with any acknowledgement you receive from others of your “wins,” whether big or teensy. Archive all emails like: “Hey you killed it at that meeting!” “Great presentation!” “Your execution on that project was flawless.”
- Stage a Mental Intervention
When you catch yourself speaking to yourself in ways that make you feel small, have a mantra handy that reminds you of who you really are. Say, “I am gracious, magnanimous, a wise leader!” Pause and allow those words to percolate through your mind.
- Track Your Gains and Appoint an Ally
Identify one valued workplace behavior you want to increase, like speaking up more in meetings, and make note in a document file every time you do it. Then ask a trusted co-worker to point out your progress and also to let you know when you do “that thing” you’re trying to change: being defensive, trying to prove yourself, speaking pessimistically, whatever it may be.
- Create Community
Form a professional women’s circle of four to six colleagues to support one another in your development and provide honest feedback and encouragement for each other. We need to be heard and hear that we’re not alone in our challenges. Give that meeting a regular slot in your schedule, and stand by it.
- Embody it
As your head hits the pillow mentally scroll through your day, intentionally focusing on anything you are proud of that happened that day, whether big or small, and allow yourself to really feel the success in your body.
If these suggestions seem simple, good! Just know that they are not simply “helpful hints” but are potentially powerful tools, based on brain science. By changing the way we frame our experience in word and thought, we affect our wiring. We can change the way we think. And if workplace mindset really plays a part in holding women back, the good news is, we can change that.
Guest contributor’s advice and opinions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com
Wendy Wallbridge is a strategic advisor and pioneer in the coaching field. As the founder and principal of On Your Mark Corporate Coaching, Wallbridge works with Fortune 100 leaders and teams at organizations such as Intel, Apple, Wells-Fargo and Hewlett-Packard, among others. A popular Tedx speaker and producer of both the TEDxSandHillRdWomen conference and the Women’s Evolutionary Leadership Forum, Wallbridge has earned a reputation for establishing breakthrough conversations that enhance the way women work, live, play, and contribute.She regularly presents to organizations such as UC Berkeley Haas School of Business, the Professional Business Women’s Conference, The Commonwealth Club, Women in Technology International, The Women’s Leadership Forum and the 3% Conference, and also teaches an annual “Leading with Power & Grace” six-month group coaching series for women. For more information, please visit www.wendywallbridge.com.
