Tag Archive for: speaking

Is Being Liked an Important Element for Public Speaking?

,

Women Speaking

Guest contributed by Beate Nimskly

What are the obstacles that keep you from presenting on stage or in a business meeting joyfully?

And what would change in your life if nothing could stop you from delivering your message to the crowd?

We in some way confuse the issue that the speech has nothing to do with the person itself but the way she is able to connect with the audience. Don’t wish to be liked, rather place the focus on wanting to influence so strongly that most of the public will really get what you have to gift and remember you as inspiring and energetic.

Be aware that no matter what you do some will like you and some will dislike you. People have the tendency to compare. This is especially true for women in business – women will be compared with other women and men too.

You are not comparable because you have something to deliver that no one else could. Concentrate on that. You are different than others and that is what counts.

Content is King

The content you are looking for is how your message fits into the reality of your audience. What are they able to hear? What is their problem? What do they want to change and could not until now because they had no idea, no sense that other things are possible? What are they willing to receive?

You could do a story around the topic with one of your customer who was struggling with a similar situation your audience has. Explain his difficulties, how he suffered, that he wanted to give up and then what possibilities opened up when he was willing to do something different. Make your customer the hero not yourself. Be so precise in how your customer or colleague or your friend changed and what he did exactly to overcome the complexity of the situation that there is no doubt at all that you have been the one who accompanied him – without mentioning that.

The Difference in Preparation

Who are the participants in your meeting, in your audience? Where do they come from? What background do they have? What position in business do they have? What is it your audience wants to get from you?

No matter who they are they want to be inspired. Find out which words they use so you can talk to them in their language. Prepare yourself in the way that they have the sense you speak with them on their level like a private one on one conversation.

The Difference in Questions

Know what you want them to do after they have left the meeting, the presentation or the event.

And ask them a lot of question during your speech like:

  • What are you going to do different when you are back in your office?
  • What one thing you could change back home that if you changed it, it would make your life much easier?
  • When you leave this event, what question would you like to ask me that you could write on a piece of paper with your e-mail address attached so I can answer it for you?

As well include questions like:

  • What would your life be in five years from now if you could and would change it?
  • What would our business tell us if we would ask the business itself what is needed right now?
  • How would we define success in ten years from now?

These questions keep your audience in a constant search for new possibilities. It makes them feel alive, more connected to themselves and pro-active.

Energy is the Key

Your energy is the key to success. Why? Every word you say has energy behind it. And not only the spoken word influences the audience. It´s more the tone and the body language that counts.

So, ask yourself questions like this:

  • What energy, space and consciousness can I be to have total ease and fun on stage?
  • If I would not judge myself, control myself and try to mimic others what brilliant speaker could I be?
  • What can I be or do different to allow myself to step up into the brilliance I truly be?
Space and Consciousness

Space within yourself allows you to connect with others on another level. You can do breathing exercises to experience space within yourself. You could do Yoga or meditation to experience space. If you are the space, you have no resistance to whatever people are asking or are talking about you. You just let it go through yourself with no attachment at all.

And no matter what people say you could say to yourself: “Interesting point of view that they have this point of view.” With this you free yourself from your own judgment about them and as well from their judgment about you. If you practice “interesting point of view” all day long in your normal daily life you will experience more freedom with everything. This is the space of all possibilities.

You are now able to act and react with ease and flexibility in the given situation. That inner freedom gives you access to consciousness. Consciousness includes everything and judges nothing. Everything you do, everything you experience is a way to more awareness. There is no right or wrong. There is always awareness and the choice to be or do something different the next time.

You don´t like me? Interesting point of view.

Beate Nimsky is an inspirational catalyst for change, who works with CEOs, business owners, entrepreneurs and leaders in companies developing their leading abilities. She has been a pioneer in consulting and implementing value driven cultures in companies for more than 25 years. Her new book Ask – And Create Your Life will be published in summer of 2018.

Disclaimer: The opinions and views of guest contributors are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

/by

Say It Like You Mean It: How to Communicate Effectively at Work

, ,

Women SpeakingGuest contributed by Desiree Simons

You’ve worked hard to get where you are. You’ve earned your success because you’re not afraid of hard work. However, sometimes communicating with your male colleagues can seem like trying to put a puzzle together without all the pieces. The good news? There are skills you can learn that will help.

Most experts agree that women and men communicate differently but are quick to point out that one style is not better than the other. Diverse gender skill sets contribute to a better workplace, but adaptability, and knowing when to use a different approach can be a game changer for everybody.

Get to the Point

Women tell more backstory and narrative before getting to the point. Sometimes retelling how you got from point A to point B is not needed. Backstory is redundant if colleagues are familiar with the project.

Women also hedge and use qualifiers when speaking. For example, “Do you think, what if we, have you considered?” We are raised to be polite, but if something is not a question, don’t’ make it sound like a question. Instead of saying, “Would you mind, or Could you…” Instead say, “I’ll need that by… or Let’s plan for…” Men are used to speaking more directly. “We must….”, It’s important to understand…, and I’ll go over the final section…”

Beth Levine, SmartMouth Communications consultant and author of Jock Talk: 5 Communication Principles for Leaders as Exemplified by Legends of the Sports World, calls this “diminishing language,” and believes it causes peers (both male and female) to see women as less confident. Know your main idea and state it quickly to your listener. Some experts suggest creating bullet points in your mind before you go into a meeting. Stay clear of “tag language,” such as, “Isn’t it? Don’t you think? or Don’t you agree?” at the end of your statements. Levine also says women use the phrase, “I feel” too much at work. For example, “I don’t feel right about the proposed expansion.” Men typically say, “I think the proposed expansion will cause the following problems.” Say what you think, not what you feel.

Stand Your Ground

According to Danielle Lindner, adjunct professor of the Psychology of Women courses at Stetson University, “Women are socialized to be harmonizers and peacemakers.” They sometimes compromise rather than standing firm during a potential conflict situation. Standing your ground may result in not being liked by some co-workers, but Linda Henman, Ph.D., author of Challenge the Ordinary and Landing in the Executive Chair says, sometimes you have to forget about being liked. “Results, not harmony is the goal.”

Speak up in meetings, even if you risk being wrong. If people behave badly towards you, don’t assume it’s because you’re a woman. Don’t take a disagreement personally. Put it behind you and look for the next opportunity to showcase your skills.

Play to Your Strengths

Patricia Rossman, Chief Diversity Officer of BASF, a 100-year-old global chemical company acknowledges different gender communication styles but stresses the need for diversity and believes woman bring a unique and valuable skill set to the workplace.
Women tend to have a collaborative rather than a competitive approach to problem solving, as well as a kind of “emotional intelligence.” Rossman defines this as “looking for the deeper impact,” of interactions, decisions, and discussions. Others refer to it as a relational approach. Whatever you want to call it, women tend to be good at looking at the bigger picture.

Women also use and interpret nonverbal communication more than men. Noticing things like eye contact, body language, facial expressions… allow women to pick up vital clues.

The bottom line is simple. Be yourself but remember the most effective communicators know a variety of strategies and choose the best one for a given situation. If you do this, you’ll always say what you mean and mean what you say.

/by