perfectionism Archives | The Glasshammer

Psychologist Susanna Mittermaier says perfectionism is often fueled by cultural expectations and conditioning, involves a harsh inner critic, ruins people’s capacity to feel joy and needs to be addressed.

She states:

“I grew up in a culture where it was very important to be as perfect as possible, which meant living in the constant fear of judgement and the need to filter everything through the question of: is this perfect enough?” she says. “We must put an end to this for ourselves and the generations to come.”

Mittermaier teaches people how to step out of self-judgement and perfectionistic tendencies in her Right Voice for You course. It invites people to let go of the harsh internal critical voice and make way for their own. Some of her top tips include:

1. Stop judging you

Every judgement defines you and stops positive energy and opportunities from flowing into your world. Every time you judge yourself negatively or harshly it’s like putting the brakes on whatever you’re trying to create in your life.

2. Be willing to let go

Perfectionists can hold onto ideas, projects and contributions in fear of the judgement that will come if they share them before they are 100 percent perfect. Be willing to let these ideas, projects and conversation pieces fly out into the world, whether they’re perfect or not.

3. Don’t look for others approval

If you feel excited about saying, creating or contributing something in your home, workplace or social circles, don’t wait for approval from others (or even your inner critic). Other people’s points of view are not relevant.

3. Don’t wait. Create.

Stop waiting for conditions to be perfect to start creating the experiences you actually want in your life. Give yourself permission to stop worrying about the outcomes (whether things will be perfect or what others will think) and start creating today. Creation starts with one choice. Ask yourself what the first, easy step you could take might be.

4. Your past does not determine who you are in the present or future

Perfectionists have usually judged themselves harshly. They may have never measured up to the expectations of others or that of their own inner critic, which can leave many feeling like a failure. Don’t buy into the story of your past. Instead, start creating your future.

5. Get to know your imperfections

Make a list of your top three imperfections. Then, ask how can you can use each of them to your advantage? If you think you are shy and you believe that is a weakness, ask yourself what the power of shyness is? Shy people are usually great listeners, which can be a great advantage in many work and social settings.

6. Learn to enjoy being imperfect

Perfection is about measuring yourself against the standards of society and others. See your individuality as a resource rather than a liability. Enjoy your imperfection and recognize your difference as a treasure box of gifts then use them to create your life, projects and relationships in a way that is unique to you.

“Perfectionism stops people from being able to express themselves in the world,” Mittermaier says. “Giving up the need to be perfect and allowing your right voice to come through into the world is so liberating for people. I love it when people realize they can do things they’ve been stopping themselves from doing, especially when those things have the capacity to make them happy.”

About the author

Susanna Mittermaier is a clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and author of the #1 International Bestselling book, “Pragmatic Psychology: Practical Tools for Being Crazy Happy.” A global speaker, she has also been featured in magazines such as TV soap, Women’s Weekly, Empowerment Channel Voice America, Om Times, Motherpedia, Newstalk New Zealand and Holistic Bliss. Susanna offers a new paradigm of therapy called Pragmatic Psychology and is known for her revolutionary perspective on mental illness. Her unique perspective identifies depression, anxiety, ADHD and other forms of mental illness as a capacity that has not yet been acknowledged. Susanna is an internationally accredited Access Consciousness Facilitator, including Right Riches for You, a specialty program of Access Consciousness. She transforms people’s problems and difficulties into possibilities and powerful choices. Follow on Twitter @AccessSusanna.

Guest Contribution by Luisa Zhou

Successful high achievers (like you and me) have a huge disadvantage when it comes to advancing our careers.

It’s the fear of not being perfect.

If you’re constantly scrambling to fix “just one more thing,” if your social life no longer exists because you’re always working, or if you worry perpetually about others’ opinions, then you know what I’m talking about.

And while it’s gotten you to where you are today, you know that if you keep on working like this, you’ll burn out long before you get that coveted “C” title.

So what’s an ambitious professional to do?

Below are the top 3 signs your perfectionism is hurting instead of helping, and what to do instead.

1. You live by an all-or-nothing mentality. Every project you oversee has to be as flawless as the Hope Diamond.

Do any of the following sound familiar?

This is still not good enough!

I need to push the deadline back because this isn’t just right…

How can I face that client after that mistake?!

If so, you need to: Get comfortable with good enough, and leverage the 80/20 rule – the principle that 80% of your results will come from 20% of your efforts.

The key is figuring out which 20%. Is it really that important that your presentation’s footer isn’t perfectly centered? Or are you the only one who will even notice? And is it really necessary to chew yourself out for that small mishap your client has already forgotten?

Place yourself in the other party’s shoes (your audience, your boss, or your client) and ask yourself what they care about. Then focus on those areas and let go of the little things they don’t care about.

2. You take rejection personally.

Does the thought of making a mistake keep you up at night? Did you not speak up during that meeting because you were afraid of sounding stupid? And have you not asked for that bonus you deserve because you’re afraid your boss will say no?

If you said yes to any of those, here’s what to do: Think through the worst case scenario. Will you get fired? Will you be physically harmed? Will your colleagues secretly judge you and whisper that you’re incompetent?

Once I realized that rejection is not something to be feared and has no real consequences (aside from some bruised feelings), I learned to actually embrace taking on situations with rejection potential. Not because I’m a masochist, but because I realized they were actually win-win situations for me.

Worst case scenario, I would learn something new (oh, this didn’t work). Or, best case scenario, I would get what I wanted. When you think about it that way, doesn’t it seem a waste not to put yourself out there?

3. You can’t remember the last time you savored a career win – you were already on to your next big goal.

Do you ever feel a little dizzy when you think about your achievements and what you have to do next? And when was the last time you took a few to congratulate yourself on all you’ve accomplished?

If you can’t remember, here’s what to do: Look inside yourself and examine what motivates you. For perfectionists, it’s often a fear of failure and of not being good enough.

Before realizing this, I was incredibly fearful. I was afraid of not getting that promotion, of not advancing quickly enough, and most of all, I was afraid that if I didn’t stop being afraid, I would lose my steam. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was let go of that fear, and honestly it was a long and difficult process.

But once I did, I realized that it’s even more powerful to be motivated by positive forces – by passion, service, and love. Letting go of my perfectionism didn’t hinder me as I’d once feared, but instead allowed me to succeed more than ever before. Specifically, within the space of one year, I got a new job, a 32% raise, and a promotion, and launched a successful side business.

Now it’s your turn. What new levels of greatness will you achieve once you get out of your own way?

Luisa Zhou is a business coach for aspiring entrepreneurs. Join Luisa’s newsletter for coaching opportunities and bi-weekly tips for starting your side business.

Guest advice and opinions are not necessarily those of theglasshammer.com

Tag Archive for: perfectionism

How to Combat Perfectionism